


The Road Not Taken

by kellydofc



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-07
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2017-12-17 23:52:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 48
Words: 339,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/873334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kellydofc/pseuds/kellydofc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What could have happened between Lily and Severus if he had said the right thing outside the Gryffindor Common Room. This story is AU. Everything you recognize belongs to JKR everything else is me. Rating is for violence, language and adult content.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: The Fight

**Author's Note:**

> The Harry Potter Universe, all its characters and places are owned by J.K. Rowling. I am merely borrowing them for this story. No copyright infringement is intended nor am I making any profit from this story.  
> All original characters belong to me.
> 
> This is a work of fiction. Characters, names and incidents are a product of my imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or events is entirely coincidental.
> 
> This story does contain adult situations, language, violence, and sexual situations. If any of these offend you please do not read.

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“I’m not interested.”_

_“I’m sorry!”_

_“Save your breath.”_

_It was nighttime. Lily, who was wearing a dressing gown, stood with her arms folded in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, at the entrance to Gryffindor Tower._

_“I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.”_

_“I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-”_

_“Slipped out?” There was no pity in Lily’s voice. “It’s too late. I’ve made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends – you see, you don’t even deny it! You don’t even deny that’s what you’re all aiming to be! You can’t wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?”_ [1]

“I never said that. You’re just assuming that’s what I want!”

“So enlighten me, what do you want? You know what, never mind. I don’t care!” Lily turned her back on Severus and started to walk back through the portrait.

“I saw you laugh at me! Don’t think that didn’t hurt.” The boy’s voice caught and he mentally kicked himself. He hadn’t wanted her to know how much that hint of a smile had wounded him.

Lily paused. In seven years she had never once heard Severus come close to crying, no matter how bad things were at his home or how much he had been bullied; somehow he had always remained stoic. Now it sounded as if he was barely holding it together.

“Never mind, I should have known you would be just like everyone else.” The defeat was heavy in his voice as he shuffled off down the corridor.


	2. A Night With Lily

Lily turned and looked at the retreating form of the person she had called her best friend since they were nine years old. For a moment, she considered calling him back. Then the sound of his voice calling her that word echoed in her mind. No, he deserved to feel bad. She turned back around, marched through the portrait hole and into the common room. As she had suspected, Mary MacDonald was waiting for her on the other side of the entrance.

“What did he have to say?”

“He was sorry.”

“I hope you told the greasy git where he can stick his apology!”

“Don’t call him that!” snapped Lily.

“I can’t believe you’re still defending him after what he called you today! Does he have to actually curse you before you figure out just how big…”

“Mary, please! I - I need to be alone for awhile.”

Mary started to reply but saw the look on Lily’s face and stopped. It couldn’t be easy to hear someone call you the M word, especially if you had thought that someone was your friend. Mary reached out and gave Lily’s hand a quick squeeze.

“I understand. I’ll try and keep everyone away for awhile.”

“Thank you.” Giving Mary’s hand a squeeze in return Lily wandered back to the table she had been sitting at a few minutes earlier. Sprawled out on it was a letter to her friend Margaret, or May, as she was more commonly called, detailing the earlier fight between Potter and Severus, what Severus had said to her and how Lily had decided not to be friends with him any longer.

When she had started the letter, it had all seemed so simple. Severus Snape was a prat, a bully, a Death Eater in training and she couldn’t believe she had ever defended him. Now all she could think of was the catch in Severus’ voice and the fact that Potter had, for one moment, amused her. Had she actually smiled? Lily had thought she had suppressed it. No, she must have smiled otherwise why would Severus have said he saw her laugh?

Guilt hit Lily like a punch in the gut. Oh my God! She had smiled while the biggest toe rag in Gryffindor was picking on her best friend, and he had seen. Sev had seen! Had he called her a Mudblood before or after? And did that matter? May, would say it did, that Severus had only been retaliating, trying to hurt Lily as badly as she had hurt him. Then May had been telling her for months that Lily was going about the whole situation badly.

Lily remembered back to the conversation they had had during the Christmas holidays.

_“I don’t know if I can keep being friends with Severus.” said Lily as she lay down on the floor next to Margaret Hall._

_“Why not?” asked May grabbing a handful of nuts._

_“I really don’t like the people he’s friends with at school. They’re not nice at all.”_

_“Hmm, do you think that Severus is becoming ‘not nice’?”_

_“I don’t know. He reads a lot about dark magic, but I can’t exactly fault him for reading can I? I haven’t actually seen him do anything wrong. Except to Potter and Black and they do pick on him all the time so that’s hardly surprising. But he looks the other way when his housemates do bad things and defends them when I point it out to him. I just don’t understand why he can’t see they’re evil!”_

_“c_ _ome on, Lil, evil is a strong word for a bunch of school kids.”_

_“I wish I could call them something else, but I can’t. You see, there is a group of people who follow this evil man.”_

_Margaret started to interrupt, “Lil.”_

_“No, he really is evil, May.”_

_“Alright.”_

_“Well this man, Lord Voldemort, is gathering followers called Death Eaters. Their goal is to get rid of everyone who isn’t a pure-blood.”_

_“A what?”_

_“Someone who can prove all their family, for as far back as anyone can remember, is magical.”_

_“Okay. So what does this have to do with Severus?”_

_“Well, the house Sev is in at school is made up of pure-bloods. So all his friends are part of this pure-bloods are great and everyone else is horrible group.”_

_“That’s not good.”_

_“No, especially since I don’t fall into the pure-blood category.”_

_“So, just so I understand, are you afraid Severus is turning into one of these pure-blood fanatics?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“That is a problem. Before you write him off completely, I think there are a couple of things to keep in mind. One is that it is his house and he has to remain on good terms with the people in it, otherwise school could become a living hell for him. Two, I wouldn’t underestimate your influence over him.”_

_“What does that mean?” questioned Lily._

_“At the very least you’re his best friend and at most, well…” May shrugged._

_“’Well’ what?”_

_“Oh Lil, he obviously fancies you!” said May, grinning at the look of shock on her friend’s face- “don’t tell me you didn’t know that.”_

_“Sev fancies me? No, you can’t be right. Why would he…he’s never said. No, you must be wrong. Sev. Really?”_

_May let out a laugh. “Lily, you are blind.”_

_“If it’s true - and I’m not saying I think it is - then why won’t he listen to me about those evil people?”_

_May sat up, reached over to turn off the telly and turned to face Lily. “Look Lil, I don’t pretend to know Severus as well as you but it seems to me he’s a bit insecure. Who wouldn’t be, growing up the way he has? Honestly, if even half the rumours you hear about the Snape household are true, he must have an appalling time at home.”_

_Lily broke in “He says it’s not that bad.”_

_“Of course he does. What do you expect him to say? That he hates his life, hates his parents, he wishes he could leave and never go back, that he grew up being scared all the time? Lil, he’s not that kind of person, even I can see that. Severus Snape is the ultimate stoic. The point is, he probably just wants to fit in, wants it more than most I imagine, so he’s willing to overlook flaws in the people who are around him.”_

_“But they’re evil, May. His friends are evil!”_

_“That’s my third point. Calling his housemates, friends, whatever they are, evil, puts him on the defensive. He wants to defend them, most likely he feels he has to, just like you would defend Severus if anyone said those sorts of things about him.” Margaret smiled gently at her friend. “And Lily, you do know when you say everyone in his house is evil you’re telling your best friend you think he is evil too? Just something to think about.”_

_“What do I do then?”_

_“Sit down and talk to him. Tell him how you feel, preferably without calling anyone else evil. Oh and be sure to tell him how great you think he is. Of course you might want to leave that bit until the end, otherwise he might miss the rest of the discussion.” Margaret grinned wickedly at her friend and turned the telly back on._

_Lily gave May a bashful smile back and thought “Sev and me, interesting…” before settling down to watch the Alfred Hitchcock special._

When she had come back from break Lily had meant to talk to Severus about his housemates but somehow after what May had about Severus fancying her, she felt just a little awkward around him. So she had said nothing, hoping that at some point he would figure it out for himself. Clearly, if today’s events were anything to go by, that hadn’t happened. Was that because he didn’t want to figure it out or because he didn’t know how?

Lily felt like she was going crazy. If only he hadn’t seen the smile. And what did he mean she was just like everyone else? Had she somehow let him down?

No! Lily thought. She had always been his friend, stood up for him when others bullied him, listened when he talked. Severus had been her first magical friend, the first person she knew she could be entirely herself around. She had believed everything he had told her, all about Hogwarts and what it would be like when they got there. Together they had planned out the entire seven years, what they would study, the fun they’d have on trips to the village and how they would be the best students Hogwarts had ever had.

Lily remembered another day, one not long after she and Severus had first met. They had been in their secret spot talking about Hogwarts, as usual, and the letters they would get. She remembered asking him “ _Does it make a difference, being Muggle-born?”_

_“No,” he said. “It doesn’t make any difference.”_

Where had that boy gone? Where was her best friend? She wished with all her heart he had been sorted into another house, any house other than the evil one. One where their friendship would have fit better, where that little boy would have fit better, and in that moment it hit her, what May had been trying to tell her that night about Severus just wanting to fit in. Was it true? Was that Severus, the one in the too big coat and the too short jeans, still in there, buried beneath layers of Slytherin propaganda?

At that moment, Lily felt the dam in her heart break, and the ache that had plagued her all day since the incident poured over her entire body. Unable to hold back the tide any longer, she put her head down on the table and cried for that little boy and girl, for all their broken dreams and for the best friend she was afraid she had lost but still loved and yearned to have back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, so I am going back over the story both in the effort get the muse back and to clean stuff up. I don't believe there are going to be any significant story changes just mostly grammar and spelling and maybe a tiny tweak or two. I am hoping this will all culminate in getting new chapters posted. I do want to say I have been writing little bits and pieces all along but most of it's set a long time in the future. For example, I just wrote a wonderful scene that's set during Order of the Phoenix. Yes, you did read that right. We'll all be about 100 when this story's finished.


	3. A Night With Severus

Severus turned away from Lily and walked slowly down the corridor. It took all his will power to do so. What he really wanted to do was to throw himself at her feet and beg her to be his friend again, to promise her anything, if she would only just forgive him for being such an idiot.

He couldn’t believe things had gone so horribly wrong. He kept asking himself the same questions over and over again. Why had he walked down to the stupid lake? Why did he always let Potter antagonize him? Most of all, why did Lily have to be there to see him be humiliated, again?

He tried to push the scene out of his mind, but failed miserably. All he could see were the moments where Lily started to smile and the one where he had called her that name. Severus wasn’t sure what he had been thinking, he only knew that in that moment, when he saw the twitch of Lily’s mouth and knew she was trying not to smile he had felt as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest. And he knew he wanted to hurt her, wanted her to feel what he had felt at that very moment. He wanted her to know he had seen it and he knew in her heart she had betrayed him. But never had he imagined it would all end in him loosing Lily. All of a sudden, his head started to spin, his chest tightened and his heart began to race. Severus stopped and braced his hand against the wall.

_Breathe Severus, just breathe_ he repeated to himself. He hadn’t known anything could hurt this badly. A lump was slowly rising in his throat. No! He would not do this! He could and would hold it together; after all, he had years of experience. Severus had lost count of how many times in his life he had willed himself not to cry. Crying only made his father more upset and that always meant trouble, if not for himself then for his mother.

Okay, that had worked. Severus took a deep breath and pushed off from the wall. Yes, he would think about his father. That always made Severus nice and angry, angry enough so he could make it back to the Slytherin Common Room without falling apart. Somehow, he knew this was all Tobias’ fault. If Eileen had married someone else, someone like her, then they would have been happy. He would be good enough. Maybe he wouldn’t be picked on for being a half-blood in his own house. The house his mother had repeatedly told him was the best house in Hogwarts, and the only house a Prince could possibly be in.

He had been proud to be sorted into Slytherin because he knew his mother would be happy and she might even smile when she got his owl, a thing that was far too rare. The only bad thing about the situation was that Lily had been sorted into Gryffindor. For almost two years previous to that day he had dreamed they would be in Slytherin together but that dream had been torn to pieces at the sorting ceremony. Severus shook his head to clear it. He could not think about Lily, not now, not until he was back in the relative safety of his four-poster.

So, he let his thoughts drift back to his father. Why Eileen Prince had married Tobias Snape, Severus couldn’t figure out. He didn’t remember a time when they had ever been happy. Mostly they screamed at each other, yelling names back and forth and occasionally throwing things at each other, or worse. The fights generally ended with Eileen huddled in a corner while Tobias told her how worthless she was and what a miserable failure his life had become since they had gotten married and had “the brat”. Eventually Tobias would tire of yelling and wander off to the pub to get drunk.

“Snape, how did it go with the little Gryffindor?” a voice called out to him.

Severus was surprised to realize he had reached the entrance to the common room where Mulciber was waiting. Severus shrugged. He couldn’t bring himself to say Lily had, for all intents and purposes, ended their friendship.

“You know you could do better than that Mudblood,” said Mulciber before he spoke the password and entered the common room.

Severus felt his right hand ball into a fist. What right did Vincent Mulciber have to call his Lily that name? But she wasn’t his Lily; she never had been and now never would be, because he, in his stupidity had called her the same thing. His head started to spin again, he had to escape, be alone, lie down somewhere and think.

“Listen, I’m tired and we have our Transfiguration O.W.L. tomorrow so I’m going to bed. I’ll talk to you in the morning, Mulciber.”

With that, Severus walked toward the dorm, trying to ignore the fact people were obviously staring at him. He didn’t know if the attention had to do with the incident with Potter this afternoon or if everyone was speculating about what had happened between him and Lily.

Severus reached the room he shared with four others and looked around. It appeared he was on his own and so thankfully wouldn’t have to explain anything to anyone tonight. He hastily crawled into bed without bothering to remove his robes, pulled closed the hangings and cast a silencing spell so he wouldn’t be disturbed when his roommates came back.

He lay back and stared at the dark green void overhead. He knew now he could give in to all his thoughts about Lily. He really had thought she would forgive him, that she would be able to look at him and see how sincerely sorry he was. The fact she hadn’t done so hurt and confused him. He knew the situation was all his fault. He really didn’t think of her as a mud…one of them. She was better than that, the most wonderfully perfect thing he had ever seen.

He remembered how he had watched her for weeks at the play park, trying to get up the courage to go and speak to her. He had spent days in his room practicing just what he would say when they finally spoke to one another. Once his father had overheard him and that had prompted a huge fight between Tobias and Eileen as to whether or not “the kid” was going round the twist. Finally, one day he had summoned up the nerve and talked to her and it had all gone wrong. Nothing had come out as Severus had planned and she had ended up thinking he had insulted her, which of course he hadn’t. At least he didn’t think so. Severus had sat on her swing in the play park until dark and then had come back at dawn the next day, hoping she would return. He had almost given up when Lily came around the corner.

_She walked up to him shyly and said, “is it true? What you said yesterday?”_

_He just nodded, unable to speak while looking into those beautiful green eyes._

_Suddenly she smiled at him. “I’m Lily Evans_.”

_“Severus Snape.”_

_“Will you tell me more about being a witch?”_

_“I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”_

_She giggled, smiled and said, “Great! We can’t talk here though. Tuney might come and she wouldn’t like it.”_

_Severus wondered briefly if she thought he would take her to his house. He was trying to think of some other place where they could talk in private when she grabbed his hand and said, “Let’s go to my secret spot.”_

That had been the beginning. Within a fortnight, Lily had declared that Severus was her very best friend and Severus had decided when he grew up he would marry Lily Evans. A fact that had not pleased his mother when he had told her, but Severus knew one day Eileen would understand Lily was supposed to be part of the Prince family. She was his angel; absolutely, flawlessly perfect in every way, unlike his father, the person his mother had chosen.

Of course, that was still far in the future. Severus knew at the moment, he had nothing to offer Lily – no name, no money, nothing except his love, but once he was a Death Eater that would all change. He would be respected, powerful. Then he could finally tell Lily how much he loved her, had always loved her, and somehow he knew she would feel the same. They would finally be able to be together, get married, have a perfect home and children, all with her wonderful red hair and sparkling green eyes. He knew they would be happy forever and he could protect her, because surely if he were highly ranked no one would dare harm his wife, even if she were muggle-born. Best of all, they would never fight, never scream or call each other horrid names. Except he already had. He had turned into his father and so had lost the only woman he could ever love.

“Lily, I’m so sorry.” he whispered into the dark. At long last, a sob ripped from his throat. Now there was no stopping it, so he gave in and for the first time since he was a very small boy Severus Snape cried himself to sleep.


	4. Aftermath

“Lily,” said a voice as a finger poked her.

Lily stirred.

“Lily, wake up. We have our Transfiguration O.W.L. this morning,” said Mary.

“Where am I?” mumbled Lily, reaching up to rub the crick in her neck.

“You fell asleep in the common room.”

“Why did I…” suddenly it all came back to her. The incident by the lake, the fight with Severus afterward, crying for what seemed like hours alone in the common room, not able to decide if she should talk to him or not.

“Lily – O.W.L.s, remember?” urged Mary.

“Yes, of course. I’ll go and get ready. I guess I fell asleep writing to May,” Lily said as she snatched up the letter and ran up the stairs.

She quickly deposited the parchment on her bed, grabbed a clean set of robes and sped off towards the showers. Lily turned the hot water on as high as she could stand it in the attempt to wake herself. This was her last O.W.L. If she could just get through this then maybe she would have some time to think, perhaps finish the letter to May and see what she thought about the whole mess.

Lily scrubbed her hair. She couldn’t think about the situation with Severus right now, she had an exam to worry about and nothing was going to stop her from doing her best. She turned off the water, dried herself and got dressed. After a frantic search, she fished her Transfiguration notes out of her bedside cabinet and hurried off to breakfast.

“Good morning, all,” she said, forcing herself to smile as she sat down between Mary and Alice.

Both girls looked at her and smiled nervously.

“How are you this morning, Lily?” asked Alice.

“Fine,” she answered distractedly, eyes sweeping the Slytherin table for Severus.

No, she mustn’t do that anymore. You weren’t meant to check on the well-being of people who weren’t your friend any longer. Not that that stopped her from noticing, with some concern, that Severus wasn’t at the table. There were only twenty minutes until the exam began, surely he wouldn’t miss it. He must just be off studying somewhere. Something she herself should be doing.

“I think I’ll do a little last minute studying,” she declared, reaching into her bag for her notes, since her friends were still looking at her with concern.

“Maybe we should all do that,” agreed Mary, who began a quest for her own notes.

“I can’t study right before an exam, it makes me feel ill. In fact, I’m not sure why I’m even eating,” Alice pushed the plate of eggs away from her with a look of disgust.

Lily gave Alice an encouraging smile and then turned her full attention to her studies, while absentmindedly munching on a piece of toast.

After what seemed like a mere second or two, Professor McGonagall stood up and told the fifth and seventh years to wait in the entrance hall until the start of their written exam. Lily stuffed her notes back into her bag and rose from the table. Her eyes flicked over to the Slytherin table again; Severus still wasn’t there. Lily wasn’t sure what to do about that, should she go look for him? Or maybe she could find a Slytherin and ask them to see if he was still in his dorm. She instantly dismissed that idea. None of Severus’ housemates would talk to her, all she could do was hope that he turned up, that he wouldn’t throw away his future because of some silly fight.

Deep in the Slytherin dorm, Severus awoke with a start. He had been dreaming about the day before and of course, the dream was better than the reality. In it, he had held his own against Potter, Lily had not been there at all and so he had never called her that wretched name. Severus rubbed his eyes and stretched. He knew he shouldn’t dwell on it right now. Instead, he should concentrate on Transfiguration. Hopefully he would still have some time to review before the start of the exam. He reached out a hand and fumbled for his watch. Nine-twenty. Severus did a quick double take and bolted upright in bed.

“Bollocks!”

The exam started in ten minutes. He scrambled out of bed, grabbed his bag and ran, hoping against hope he would make it in time. He tore up the stairs two at a time and made it into the entrance hall just as the last student was passing through the doors into the Great Hall.

“Cutting it a little close, aren’t we, Mr. Snape?” asked Professor Slughorn as Severus ran through the door.

“I overslept, professor.” panted Severus.

“I can see that.” Slughorn’s eyes ran over him.

Severus glanced down and saw his robes were hopelessly wrinkled. It was obvious he had slept in them. Oh well, it wasn’t the first time, though usually he fell asleep sitting upright at a table while working on some new project and so didn’t look quite so unkempt.

“Working on something new, are we?” asked Slughorn jovially.

“Yes, sir.”

“Well, best take your seat.”

“Of course, sir.”

Severus flung himself into the closest chair and accidentally dropped his bag onto the floor. He winced slightly at the crash it made. Several people turned to glare at him, including Lily, though he thought she looked more contemplative than angry. Maybe there was a chance he could still fix things between them. He wanted to smile at her but she determinedly turned back to face the front. Severus could feel the heartache growing inside him again.

Several rows away, Lily smiled to herself and gave a small sigh of relief. She had known Severus wouldn’t miss an exam. She did think he looked awful, almost like he had just rolled out of bed two minutes earlier. At that moment, the exam appeared in front of Lily, she pushed all thoughts of Severus out of her mind and turned her full concentration over to the parchment in front of her.

After a rough start, during which he glanced at Lily every other second, Severus also managed to lose himself in the exam. By the time the hourglass was empty, Severus was confident he had done well. He quickly looked around the hall, trying to see where Potter and his cronies were. He wouldn’t put it past them to attack him two days running and he was in no mood to deal with their infantile behaviour. He just hoped he would be able to eat lunch in some sort of peace.

His eyes rested briefly on Lily, who was laughing at something Alice Nesbitt had said. Severus felt his heart sink. It didn’t seem as if Lily was particularly upset about yesterday’s events. Seven years of friendship and she was laughing as if the end of it didn’t matter at all. Suddenly, Severus wasn’t in the mood for lunch; in fact, he wanted nothing more than to be alone and wallow in his misery. He slung his bag over his shoulder and set off towards the dungeons.

Lily watched Severus go out of the corner of her eye. Wasn’t he going to eat at all? Was he that upset by what had happened? Maybe she should…

“And how are you today?’ said a voice by her shoulder.

Lily glanced around and closed her eyes briefly. “Sod off, Potter. I’m in no mood for you today.”

“Funny, I think you would be in a great mood now you know what Snivellus is really like.”

Lily shot him a scathing look and started up the stairs to Gryffindor tower.

“I think it’s still something of a sore point, James,” said Mary.

Alice gave James a sympathetic look and then raced up the stairs after Lily.

“Lily, wait!”

Lily turned on the stairs and waited for Alice to catch up.

“Don’t you want any lunch?”

“No. Actually, I was feeling a little ill so I thought I’d have a bit of a lie down.”

“Do need me to get you anything?”

“I’m sure all I need is a little rest and quiet.”

“All right. I’ll come and get you before the practical begins.”

“Thank you, Alice.”

Lily watched as her friend bounced back down the staircase. She then turned and continued trudging back to the dorm. When she got there, she threw her bag on the floor and crawled into bed. She pulled her favourite blanket up around her and lay staring at the wall, trying to figure out what it was she was feeling. Lily had never been so confused in all her life. Part of her was furious with Severus, at the fact he had called her that name, that he had such horrid friends and that he was failing to live up to all the greatness she knew was in him. The other part was sad; the thought she would never speak to him again was heartbreaking. She wondered how long that feeling was likely to last. How long would it take to stop thinking of him as her best friend?

She wondered about all the things he had said the night before. Was he telling the truth about not wanting to be a Death Eater? What in the world did he mean by saying she was just like everyone else? That statement bothered her the most because she just didn’t understand it, and thinking about it was driving her mental. The fact was, she couldn’t even begin to suss out what it was she was feeling and to make matters worse there was no one at school she could talk to about it. All her friends here hated Severus and seemed to think she was well shot of him.

She knew May would be different. May had always seemed to like Severus, or at least refrained from saying anything bad about him. Not that May and Severus had spent all that much time together. However, last summer Lily had managed to persuade Severus into coming to a couple of movies with her, May and May’s brother, Crispin. Initially he had been fairly quiet, but as the summer wore on he seemed to open up more. Lily smiled, thinking back to the heated debate May and Sev had had about _One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest_. She remembered how it had ended in them all eating fish and chips and laughing about how seriously they were taking a movie. That had been one of the best nights of Lily’s life because she had known without a doubt at that moment they had all been happy.

She would give anything to be able to talk to May right now. Funny, here she was, at a magical school, and there was nothing to rival the telephone. All she could do was write a letter, send it and hope for a reply. That could take days and she wanted – no, she needed - answers now. Lily glanced at her watch; actually, it appeared the time had come for her to give a few answers.

Right on cue, Alice popped her head into the room “Lily, wake up, it’s time for the practical.”

“I’m awake,” said Lily while rolling over and swinging her legs off the bed.

“Feeling any better?”

“Not really.”

Lily picked up her bag, checked for her wand and went off to finish her O.W.L.s.

Severus walked down the stairs and decided the place he was most likely to get some privacy was the shower. Also, it probably wouldn’t kill him to get cleaned up a bit. So, upon reaching his room he dumped his bag unceremoniously on his bed, gathered up some clean clothes and a bar of soap and went to drown his problems in a steaming hot shower. He absentmindedly rubbed the soap over his hair and body, not really interested in what he was doing. He knew at some point he would have to stop replaying the whole thing in his mind and figure out how to adjust to a life without Lily.

Life without Lily. He felt his hand go slack and the soap slide from it. It was the first time he had thought of it like that. Suddenly, Severus felt sick to his stomach and sank to the floor of the shower. In that moment, the full impact of what had happened hit him. That was it. He would never again get to talk to her, or laugh with her, never see her eyes sparkle or smell the scent of her. They would never go to the cinema or trade books, never tell each other secrets in their spot by the river, and all the dreams he had coveted, zdreams of the two of them together, they were irrevocably broken.

He wasn’t sure what was left for him now. True there was the whole idea of being a Death Eater, but somehow that had always been about being impressive, for her. To prove there were people who thought he was good enough, despite his unfortunate parentage, to make something of his life, to show her and everyone else he had the ability to be great. Did any of that matter without her? If Lily didn’t think he was great, would it matter if anyone else did?

“Snape, are you planning on taking your practical?” called Mulciber.

“What?”

“Your Transfiguration practical?”

“Of course.”

“Then you might want to stop trying to drown yourself in the shower and get out here because it starts in fifteen minutes.”

“Thank you for letting me know,” said Severus as he got off the floor and rinsed the soap from his hair and body.

He thought he heard Vincent mumbling something about “worthless mudbloods” as he left but Severus chose to ignore it. Instead, he got out of the shower, dried himself and got dressed. He supposed school was all he had left now. So, he would throw himself into it and try to overlook the fact that both his heart and life had shattered into a million pieces.

When he reached the small room where the fifth years were told to wait, he saw Lily talking to Mary. Potter, he noted with some satisfaction, was on the other side of the room looking surly. Severus slowly edged closer to the two girls. He figured even if he couldn’t talk to Lily he could still hear the sound of her voice and right now he needed that. Maybe it would help to calm his nerves. The two girls were apparently reviewing and their conversation was all about wand movements and incantations. Severus found listening to them did actually help him concentrate, if only because Mary obviously didn’t have a clue what she was doing and he spent much of his time mentally correcting her.

The room slowly emptied and there were only a few students left when Severus was called in for his practical. All in all, he thought he had done well. True, his tortoise had looked slightly grey, but it was hardly noticeable. As he came out of the Great Hall he unconsciously looked toward the stairs - usually Lily and he talked over their exams afterward. Of course, this time, Lily was nowhere to be seen, just one more thing he could add to the growing list of things he had lost. While Lily was not there, Potter and Black unfortunately were. The two were standing off to one side of the entrance hall having a rather frantic looking, whispered conversation. Severus put his head down and walked as swiftly as he could toward the staircase down to the dungeons.

 _Please let them not see me._ For once, the fates seemed to be on his side and he made it to the common room unnoticed. Now he just had to figure out what to do with himself for the next two days. He wandered aimlessly to his bed, grabbed his potions book and stared at it, seeing nothing. When his stomach began to growl he pulled a bag of stale crisps from his bedside cupboard and ate them half-heartedly, beyond caring if he starved or not.

After her exam, Lily went back upstairs, grabbed the half-finished letter to May and reread it. On reflection, she decided it was complete rubbish and ripped it to shreds. Clearly, she would have to start over. It took Lily two hours to write a new letter describing everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours, right down to Severus’ condition at the exam that morning. She knew May wouldn’t be able to write her back before term ended but Lily hoped she would hear from her friend not long after she got home. Finally finished, Lily sealed the letter, took it to the Owlery and then went off to dinner.

That night she resolved not to think about the situation any more. There was no possible way to resolve the debate raging inside of her until she had someone to talk to; someone to run all her conflicted thoughts past and obviously that someone was not here. So, what was the point of dwelling on it? Instead Lily did other things. She finished the book she had been trying to read all term, sat by the lake and talked to Alice, Mary, and their other roommate, Sabrina, about her summer plans, even played a couple of rounds of exploding snap with Remus. Anything to keep from thinking about the problem with Severus really, and it almost worked. Except for mealtimes, when her eyes would drift instinctively to the Slytherin table only to see once again Severus had failed to appear.

His failure to appear at a single meal caused its own form of torment. On one hand, she was worried perhaps something had happened to him, on the other, she was grateful he wasn’t there, constantly tormenting her with his presence, or even worse, trying to talk to her, because truthfully she wasn’t sure she had it in her to turn him away if he approached her again. No, it was infinitely better not to see him until after she had had a chance to vent to May and hear what she thought about the whole state of affairs. Only then would Lily feel comfortable enough to talk to Severus, if she needed to.

Severus spent the last two days of term hidden in his dorm, mostly with the hangings pulled and his bed piled with books. Whenever anyone asked what he was doing he replied inspiration had hit and he was working on a new spell. Just to be convincing, he would occasionally scribble something on a piece of parchment and mutter under his breath. Most of the time, he just stared off into space, thinking of what had happened and trying to figure out some way to put in right again. He cared about nothing else; he didn’t bathe, rarely slept and hardly ate. The worst part had come when his mother had sent him an owl asking if the muggles, the Evanses, were going to bring him north from King’s Cross. He sent a letter by return owl saying no she would need to come and collect him this year.

On the second night, Avery asked if Severus was going to the leaving feast but Severus lied and said he had a headache and was going to stay behind and get some packing done. Avery shrugged his shoulders and left his roommate to it. As Severus packed, he realized for the first time since the start of first year he was actually glad to be leaving Hogwarts and going home. He needed time to recover, away from things that constantly reminded him of Lily and there was no better place in the entire world to wallow than his house. He closed his trunk and climbed into bed thinking he had better shower in the morning so as to not be a complete mess when his mother picked him up.

The next morning, Severus was woken up by the sounds of Avery slamming doors and dropping things into his trunk. Severus grabbed his pillow, wrapped it around his head and rolled over.

“Marius, will you cease that racket?!” called Mulciber.

“I can’t! I have to pack.”

“Why didn’t you do it last night?”

“Well, I wanted to give Aspasia a proper farewell and it carried on a little longer than I thought it would.”

“Is that so?”

Severus groaned, the last thing he wanted was to lay here and listen to Avery talk about how he had shagged yet another girl. Instead, he got up, grabbed his things and headed for the shower.

“Snape, are you going to breakfast this morning?” called Avery

“Not hungry,” answered Severus, turning on the water and hoping it would drown out the story he could hear Avery starting to recount to Mulciber. Luckily, by the time he returned to the room, the other two boys had gone off to eat and he was left in peace. After taking one last look around to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything, Severus left the dorm and walked upstairs.

When he reached the entrance hall, he saw it was annoyingly sunny outside. Really, there was nothing worse than being depressed and having the sun ridicule you. He glanced around and saw everyone seemed to be laughing and talking excitedly about their upcoming summer holidays. Was the whole world intent on mocking him? At that moment, he heard the bright ring of Lily’s laughter. He whipped his head around and saw she was standing with a group of Gryffindors that included Potter. Severus couldn’t take anymore, he stalked his way to a carriage containing several first years, shot them a scathing look and settled into a seat with his arms crossed, scowling at the world in general and Potter in particular. The trip to Hogsmeade Station seemed to drag on for hours. At least the first years were quiet. Severus got the impression they were a little afraid of him, which was just fine by him. Maybe he would ride home in their compartment on the train.

As luck would have it, while looking for his trunk to load it on board, Avery and Mulciber cornered him. Great, now he would have to spend the whole trip to King’s Cross either listening to increasingly ribald tales about girls they fancied or all the things they were going to do to everyone who wasn’t a pure blood when they were Death Eaters. Severus was so caught up in trying to figure out a way to escape, he didn’t see the girl until he ran into her.

“Sorry. Wasn’t watching where I was going.” he said as looked back over his shoulder to see who he had knocked down.

There, on the ground, was Lily. Severus blanched; he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Lacking any better ideas, he held out a hand to help her up.

“I should have been paying more attention myself,” she said as she grabbed the slender hand and pulled herself up.

He thought she sounded distant, stilted.

“I’m sorry anyway,” he responded, searching her eyes, begging her to know he was apologizing for everything.

“It’s fine really,” she assured him as she turned away.

Severus swallowed the lump in his throat, picked up the handle of his trunk and started pulling it into an empty compartment. He threw himself into a corner seat and decided he would pretend to be asleep for the entire journey. Maybe then people would leave him alone and he could keep from falling apart.

Lily fought to keep herself from turning back to face Severus. She had started to think maybe he had gone, that he had returned home early for some reason. The last thing she had expected was to see him here on the platform. Lily reluctantly looked in the direction the boy had gone and saw him sitting in a compartment, arms folded and face resolutely set, as if he were trying hard to keep in control. Lily instantly knew Severus was trying not to cry. She picked up her trunk and began pulling it toward the compartment. She had to do something, it was clear to her Severus was taking the end of their friendship very badly. What she would say she didn’t know, but she just could not let him suffer.

“Lily.” She stopped as she heard Remus Lupin call out to her

“Hi, Remus.”

“Do you need help getting your trunk to the prefect compartment?”

She looked at him blankly. For a moment, Lily had forgotten she was a prefect and would be required to patrol the train on the journey to King’s Cross.

“That would be nice.”

“Is everything alright Lily?” asked Remus the concern evident in his voice.

Lily looked at him, prepared to smile, lie and tell him everything was fine, just like she had to everyone else who’d asked these last few days, but she found she couldn’t lie, not to Remus. “I’m not sure.”

“If you want to talk -”

“Thanks, but this one I have to figure out on my own.”

“If you change your mind, I’m here.”

“Thank you, Remus, you’re a good friend.” For the first time in days she felt a real smile on her lips. “Let me help you with that,” she added as she grabbed the other side of the trunk.

They loaded the trunk on board together and settled down with the other prefects. Why there had to be a prefect meeting on the train ride home was beyond Lily’s grasp. She was almost certain they all knew how to patrol by now. Merlin knew they had done enough of it during the school year. If any of them were so unintelligent they hadn’t figured it out by now, well then maybe that person shouldn’t be a prefect. Yet somehow the Head Boy managed to carry on for close to an hour. With each passing moment, Lily felt her resolve to find Severus and say something to comfort him weaken.

“Lily.”

Lily started as Remus stood up beside her.

“Yes”

“The meeting’s over. Time to patrol.”

“Great,” she said sarcastically. “Is there still enough time left to do that?”

Remus started to laugh and stopped abruptly when he noticed the Head Girl glaring at Lily.

“What did I say?” Lily asked Remus as they joined the queue to leave the compartment.

“Rumour has it Georgiana and Horatio are very friendly these days.”

“Really?” and Lily looked back, as if hoping to see the Head Boy and Girl locked in a torrid embrace.

Remus laughed as he tugged at the sleeve of her robe. “Come on, I doubt they want an audience.”

Lily chuckled and followed Remus down the corridor. The prefects slowly made their way down the length of the train, stopping to chat to friends and occasionally telling off some of the more exuberant students. Two cars down, Remus was stopped by Thesus Cornet, a second year he had tutored in Defense Against the Dark Arts. It seemed Thesus intended to run every answer he had given in his final exam by Remus just to make sure he had gotten them right. Remus smiled apologetically at Lily over Thesus’ head and motioned she could go on without him. Lily shook her head and smiled, letting him know she would happily wait for him. After several minutes and a rather lengthy discussion on Red Caps, Lily was starting to regret her decision.

She glanced half-heartedly into the compartment next to her and saw it contained several younger students all of who were whispering and looking at the figure sitting in the far seat, head resting on the window. Lily stared at the boy. She knew he wasn’t really asleep, no one who was resting looked that determined, not even Severus. She was surprised he was sitting in a compartment with the group of what looked like Hufflepuff second years. Lily knew this was the perfect opportunity to talk to him, to tell him he would get over this in time, maybe because it was what she hoped for herself. As if he knew he was being watched, Severus turned his head, opened his eyes and stared back at her. Slowly, Lily’s hand reached toward the door. She could see the hope flare up in his eyes; the tips of her fingers touched the handle.

“Lily.”

She quickly jerked her hand away

“Yes, Remus.”

“Hurry, let’s go before Thesus remembers he forgot to ask me something.”

Lily reluctantly turned from the door and smiled at Remus. “Lead the way.”

Inside the compartment, Severus watched Lily beam at Remus Lupin. For one glorious moment he had thought she was about to come in to the compartment and speak to him and now she was walking away with the werewolf. Severus couldn’t believe his bad luck; he pulled the cloak he had been using as a pillow out from under his head and threw it into the rack above him. He couldn’t stand to sit here listening to these second years go on and on about their stupid Gobstones club for another second. Instead, he stalked from the compartment and, headed in the opposite direction from Lily. With any luck, maybe he could find an empty loo. Hell, at this point he would even take Mulciber and Avery. A search of the front two cars yielded neither. Reluctantly, Severus started back the way he had come, passing quickly through the third carriage. He was half way through the fourth when he saw her, sitting in a compartment with Potter and his followers, all of them laughing at some trick Black had performed.

Severus turned and walked back to the compartment with the second years. At least they were so intimidated by him they were relatively quiet. He grabbed his cloak back off the rack, balled it up and shoved it under his head. With a sigh, he crossed his arms and leaned his head up against the window, hoping that no one saw the tear as it slipped down his cheek.

 


	5. Margaret's Advice

When the Hogwarts Express pulled into King’s Cross, Lily grabbed her trunk, loaded it onto a trolley, said goodbye to Mary, Alice, Sabrina and Remus and hurried towards the barrier to muggle London. More than anything in the world right now she wanted to get home and call May. A little peace and quiet would not go amiss either. She knew Potter and Black could be loud but she hadn’t known they could be _that_ loud. If the rest of her dormmates hadn’t been in the compartment, she would have told Remus she already had plans to meet them elsewhere when he asked her to join him and his friends. She really shouldn’t have been surprised. Alice had fancied Sirius for ages and never gave up hoping one day he would notice her, and Lily was starting to suspect Mary felt similarly about Potter. Lily smiled to herself. She had a feeling both girls were fighting an uphill battle. Sirius had never been with one girl for more than a few days and James had been declaring his undying love for Lily since first year.

The guard waved Lily forward and she pushed her cart through the barrier, glancing around for her parents. She finally saw them standing near a ticket booth. Giving her mother a huge smile, she hurried forward.

“Mum,” Lily sighed as her mother’s arms went around her.

“How was the term?” asked her father.

“Good. I think I did really well in my exams.”

“You look skinny,” said Lily’s mother, pulling back from her daughter.

Lily laughed, “You always say that, Mum.”

“Are we just waiting on Severus?” inquired Daniel Evans.

“Umm…” How was Severus getting home? Lily hadn’t thought about the fact that the Evanses always drove Severus back to Cokeworth until that very moment. “I’ll just go see what’s keeping him,” said Lily before she walked back towards the barrier.

Trying not to think about what it would be like to spend hours in the car with Severus and her parents, Lily crossed back onto Platform Nine and Three Quarters. Glancing around, she saw countless children being greeted by their parents, including Remus, who was being hugged by a cheerful looking man. Lily wended her way down the platform looking for Severus. She skirted past Sirius, who was looking daggers at the back of a smartly dressed witch, while his younger brother talked animatedly to her. It was just after she had passed Alice and her family that she saw Severus accompanied by his mother. Satisfied he had a way home, Lily turned quickly, hoping he hadn’t seen her, and made her way back through the barrier to her parents. When she reached them, Violet Evans looked a little concerned.

“Dear, I don’t mean to rush Severus but it is a long drive and we should get going.”

“It’s fine. We can go. His mother came for him.”

Daniel and Violet shot each other a worried look.

“I hope nothing’s wrong,” said Mrs. Evans

“Sev didn’t say and I didn’t think I should ask in front of Mrs. Snape.”

“Probably wise,” agreed Mr. Evans as he took hold of Lily’s trunk. “I was thinking…” he continued, “of taking you two lovely ladies out to dinner. What do you say about that?”

“What about Tuney?” Lily knew her sister would be angry if she missed getting to go out for dinner.

“Tuney is staying with a friend for a few days. Marge something or other,” answered her mother distractedly. ”Maybe we should go home first, Daniel, to freshen up. Then Lily could ring Severus and see if he would like to join us.”

“That sounds like a good idea. Then we can hear all about the brilliant things the two of you did at school this term,” replied Daniel as they all got into the car.

Lily knew at some point she was going to have to tell her parents she and Severus had had a fight and weren’t speaking, but she hadn’t thought it would come so soon. Maybe she could tell her parents she wanted it to be just them tonight.

The trip home was filled with talk about schoolwork, her mother’s garden, and the little goings on in the neighbourhood, like the fact that the Fosters had had a baby and the Runions were moving south. Her dad talked about how he would like to paint the house a different colour but her Mum wouldn’t hear of it.

“As if anyone in our neighbourhood would have a bright red house! I don’t know what you’re thinking Daniel.”

Lily laughed at that. It felt good to be back with her parents. Just she and they, no Petunia to make snide remarks or look down her nose at everything she thought was inappropriate.

The lights were just coming on in the neighbourhood when Mr. Evans turned onto Bloom Street. He swung into the drive and for a moment the lights fell on a brown haired girl sitting on the front step. The instant the car had stopped Lily threw open the door, jumped out of the vehicle and ran up the walk.

“May, you’re here!” Lily exclaimed.

“Of course, where else would I be?” retorted May while pulling Lily into a hug. “Besides, it sounded like you needed me.” May’s chocolate brown eyes softened and Lily knew instantly May understood what this whole situation was doing to her.

“Hello, May.”

“Hello, Violet.”

“Have you been out here long?” asked Lily’s mother, as she hurried by the girls to unlock the door.

“No, not very.”

“You know you could have just gotten the spare key out of the shed and let yourself in.”

“I promise I was only outside for five minutes at most,” stated May as the four of them entered the house.

“Now Margaret, you know you should just tell Violet next time you’ll simply come in and make yourself at home. Otherwise we will be forced to hear about it all night,” said Mr. Evans as he passed by, carrying Lily’s trunk.

“Right you are, Mr. Evans. I promise next time I will come right in and make myself comfy.”

“Well, now that’s settled, how would you like to come to dinner with us, May?” inquired Mr. Evans.

“I wouldn’t want to impose. I just came ‘round to see Lily and maybe have a bit of a chat, but it can wait.”

“Nonsense, you know you wouldn’t be imposing, we’d love to have you with us and I know Lily is eager to talk with you,” fussed Mrs. Evans

May glanced at Lily, who nodded.

“As long as you’re sure.”

“Of course we’re sure. Go ring your parents and tell them you’re here so that they don’t worry,” Violet insisted.

“They’re in Majorca at the moment.”

“And Crispin?”

“In London, with a friend from Cambridge.”

“So you’re in that house by yourself?”

“Yes…” said May hesitantly, “But Enid is there during the day.”

“That settles it. You are not only going to dinner with us but you’re staying the night. We’ll stop on the way and you can get a night case. Lily, you had best hurry and ring Severus, otherwise the pub will stop serving before we get there.”

May turned and looked questioningly at Lily.

“I haven’t told them yet,” mouthed Lily

Margaret gave a quick nod of comprehension. “The Snapes aren’t here.”

“No?”

“No, I heard Mrs. Snape’s mother was unwell. I believe they went south to visit her.”

“I suppose that’s why Mrs. Snape came to collect Severus at King’s Cross. Poor boy, what a terrible start to the summer holidays,” said Mrs. Evans as she started up the stairs after her husband.

The girls watched Mrs. Evans until she had disappeared around the corner at the top of the stairs.

“Do you want to go in the lounge and talk until we leave?” whispered May.

“No, I’d rather tell you everything at once. I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop once I get going.”

“All right, we’ll wait until we get back.” May reached for Lily and pulled her into an embrace. “It’ll be all right. We’ll figure it out, promise.”

“I know,” said Lily as she returned the hug.

A few minutes later the Evanses and Margaret had piled back in to the car and were making their way across town to Mr. Evans’ favourite pub. Inside, the room was dark and noisy, filled with the usual assortment of people watching sport and talking about their workweek. The four quickly settled themselves at a table and placed their food and drink orders. While they waited, the Evans parents asked Margaret questions about how school had gone and what she planned to do over the summer holidays. Mrs. Evans also managed to get Margaret to confess her parents would be gone for at least a month, though she did expect her brother home sometime in the next few days. As Lily expected, Mrs. Evans then insisted Margaret stay with them until Crispin returned.

May didn’t mind in the least; she had spent so much time at the Evans’ house they were more her family than her own. Tonight she especially wanted to be able to be there for Lily. From the look in Lily’s eyes and the way she avoided any mention of Severus, May knew their conversation could take quite a while. Otherwise, dinner was lovely, as any meal with the Evanses was. Mr. Evans told the girls all sorts of silly tales about things he had done when he was in school and Mrs. Evans laughed and told him not to give them any ideas.

After a quick stop at May’s house, where she picked up a few necessary items and left the maid a note, they arrived back on Bloom Street. Margaret had always loved the Evans’ house, it was warm and cosy. The moment you walked in the door, you could tell it was a house full of love and laughter. As large and expensively furnished as both of the Halls houses were, you never felt welcome when you entered them.

The girls soon made their way up to Lily’s room, carrying a plate of biscuits and glasses of milk supplied by Mrs. Evans. May plopped onto the bed and waited for Lily to join her. Meanwhile, Lily threw herself across the bed landing on her stomach and propped her chin on her hands. For a long minute, Margaret looked expectantly at Lily; when it became obvious the red head was waiting for her to speak, May took in a deep breath. This was going to be harder than she thought.

“So, Severus really cocked it up this time, didn’t he?”

“So it would appear.”

“What a mess.”

“What do you think I should do?”

“There are a few things I need to clear up before we come on to that.”

“Such as?”

“First of all, did you actually smile while Severus was being picked on?”

Lily frowned, trying to concentrate on the memory of that day. She had played it over so many times in her mind and she still wasn’t clear on this point.

“I honestly don’t remember. But I must have done, mustn’t I? Otherwise why would Sev say he saw it?”

“Oh Lily, how could you?”

“I don’t know! I don’t even remember what I thought was amusing.” Lily paused and then started again. “Actually, that’s a lie. I was flattered.”

“What?!”

“I knew Potter was showing off for me and I liked it.”

“I thought you weren’t interested in Potter like that.”

“I’m not. I don’t think…he _is_ handsome and clever and popular and …oh, what difference does it make? We’re meant to be talking about Sev not James Potter.”

“Yes, we are. Poor Severus.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Lily, when did he call you the name? Was it before or after you smiled?”

“I knew you were going to ask me that! What difference does it make, really?”

“Quite a bit I should think. Lily, put yourself in Severus’ place for a moment. There you are, being tormented, in front of the entire school, by your worst enemy – and who should appear to rescue you but your best friend, who also happens to be the person you secretly fancy.”

“All right, I understand it was most likely uncomfortable for him.”

“Uncomfortable? Lily, he was utterly humiliated in front of you! Then, in case that’s not bad enough, you go and add insult to injury by either laughing at him or flirting with the person who is torturing him!”

Lily shifted uncomfortably on the bed.

“Exactly what did you expect him to do, smile and ask you politely to leave? Did you expect him to tell you it didn’t matter? Lily, you know you would never act that way yourself.”

“No, I wouldn’t...” began Lily tentatively, and then hurried on, “But I would have NEVER, ever called Severus such a dirty name!”

“The fact is, you hurt him. Badly, I’m guessing.”

“So he wanted to hurt me back?”

“That would be a wise assumption to make.”

“Do you think I should apologize?” asked Lily.

“Did he apologize for calling you the name he did?”

“Yes.”

“Then I think turnabout is fair play.”

“May, if this was only about a name then it would be easy, but it’s not.”

“What’s it about then?”

“It about what that word stands for.”

“And that is?”

“Don’t you see? That word - it’s a symbol of what he’s becoming! It represents the group of people he’s friends with and what they believe. What he apparently believes these days. I just can’t…” Lily broke off, unable to express what it was she was feeling.

“Can’t what?”

“Be friends with someone…with someone who thinks I am not as good as they are.”

“I don’t believe for one minute Severus thinks you’re not as good as him. In fact, I’d be willing to bet he thinks you’re a great deal better than him.”

“Yeah, it shows,” said Lily sarcastically. “Besides, that can’t possibly be true. Why on Earth would Severus think I’m better than him? He’s just as talented as me, just as smart, smarter. I know he’s not popular but that doesn’t bother him.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes. Why – aren’t you?”

“Do you remember what I told you at Christmas?”

“You mean about Sev wanting to fit in?”

“Did you ever talk to him about it?”

“No,” responded Lily reluctantly.

“Why not?”

“I just…after you said what you did …about Sev fancying me… Things felt…different somehow. And I just couldn’t,” she finished lamely

“Lily, do you fancy Severus?”

“No!” exclaimed Lily just a little too quickly.

Margaret looked searchingly into Lily’s eyes, as if she suspected Lily wasn’t telling her the complete truth.

“I don’t know,” whispered Lily with a shrug after a few moments. “Maybe I could have done but now, with everything that’s happened, I’m not sure how I feel.” The tears started rolling down Lily’s cheeks. “May, he said he knew I would end in being just like everyone else. What does that mean? Did I let him down somehow?”

May felt her own eyes start to water. She suspected she knew why Severus had said what he did to Lily but because she wasn’t sure, she would keep her mouth shut. “I don’t know.”

“What do I do now?”

“That depends, - do you want to keep being his friend?”

“I don’t know, maybe. I didn’t think I would miss him this much.” Lily’s voice cracked and suddenly she was weeping uncontrollably. May curled up next to her friend on the bed and held her, murmuring words of comfort. Gradually, Lily’s body stopped shaking and the sobs became sniffles.

“Lily, I think you need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel, about all of it, his friends, what he called you. Tell him what you told me about how you believe he thinks you’re not good enough to be his friend, and see what he has to say.”

Lily rolled over to look at May, wiping the tears from her eyes. “That’s it? That’s your advice, just see what he says? I don’t know if that’s good enough for me, May.”

“What would be? What do you need from Severus in order to keep being friends with him?”

“I suppose I need him to stop being around those people.”

“Lil, be reasonable. What is he supposed to do, sleep in the hallway or a classroom? There is no possible way for him to avoid them all the time.”

“I know. I just…I need to know…”

May waited a minute before prodding. “Need to know what?”

“To know if it came down to it, if it were down to life and death, which would he pick, them or me?”

“There’s only one way to be sure of that. Ask him.”

“What if…what if he says ‘them’?”

“He won’t.”

“How do you know?”

May shrugged her shoulders. “I just do.”

Lily looked at her doubtfully.

“Lily, if you believe nothing else I tell you tonight, believe me when I say, I truly believe, from the bottom of my heart, Severus would willingly die himself before he would ever allow anyone to harm you.”

“Then how can he be friends with people whose goal is to murder everyone like me?”

For a long moment May gazed at Lily and then a smile broke out across her face.

“Have you ever thought of putting it to him like that?”

“No,” answered Lily tentatively.

“Well, if I were you, that’s exactly what I would say.”

“You think that would work? Do you think he would finally understand why I feel the way I do?”

“Yes, it puts an entirely different perspective on the whole thing. It’s certainly better than your ‘all your friends are evil berks’ speeches. Which frankly, seem to have gotten you a bit nowhere.”

“Okay. That settles it. I’m going to talk to Severus.”

“Good, I have a feeling this just might work,” stated May as she fluffed her pillow.

“I hope so.” And Lily settled herself back against her own pillow.

“Good night, Lily.”

“Goodnight, May.”

For a long time Lily laid there listening to the sound of May’s breathing. When she managed to finally drift off to sleep, she dreamt of Severus. They were standing in a clearing, holding each other’s hands, Severus’s coal black eyes staring intensely into hers. “I choose you,” he whispered as he lowered his head towards her. Lily smiled to herself, rolled over and dreamt no more.


	6. The Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Harry Potter Universe, all its characters and places are owned by J.K. Rowling. I am merely borrowing them for this story. No copyright infringement is intended nor am I making any profit from this story.  
> All original characters belong to me.
> 
> This is a work of fiction. Characters, names and incidents are a product of my imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or events is entirely coincidental.
> 
> This story does contain adult situations, language, violence, and sexual situations. If any of these offend you please do not read.

Lily awoke the next morning with the sun shining in her window. After rubbing her eyes and stretching, she rolled over and saw May was already gone. Lily quickly shrugged on her dressing gown and walked downstairs. When she entered the kitchen, she saw her friend sitting at the table drinking a cup of tea.

“Where are my Mum and Dad?” questioned Lily as she sat down.

“Daniel went off to see one of his mates and Violet went to the shops.”

“So it’s just us then?”

“Yes.”

“Anything in particular you want to do today?”

“I thought you already had plans.”

“No. What sort of plans…oh, you mean Sev.”

“Yes.”

“I thought you said the Snapes were out of town.”

“I might have fudged a little there.”

“So they are here.”

“As far as I know.”

“I suppose waiting won’t make it any easier.”

“It generally doesn’t.”

Lily took a deep breath in the hopes of calming her nerves as she walked to the phone. This was ridiculous, she had never been this nervous about phoning anyone in her life. Calmly, she picked up the receiver and dialed the Snape’s number. She wondered if she should use their code of letting the phone ring twice, hanging up and then ringing back or if she should just stay on the line until someone picked up and take the chance that someone would be Severus. Before she could make her decision, a voice came on and stated the number in question had been disconnected. Puzzled, Lily hung up the phone and turned to look at May.

“It’s disconnected.”

“Guess you’ll just have to go over and knock on the door.”

“May, I’ve never been to Sev’s house. I’m not even entirely sure where it is.”

“In Spinner’s End.”

“I know _that_ , but I can’t walk up and down the street knocking on every door, hoping Severus answers. That’s too…”

The ringing of the phone cut Lily off midsentence.

“Hello, Evans’ residence,” said Lily.

“Yes, she’s here. May, it’s Cris,” she stated, holding out the telephone.

Clearly puzzled, May rose from the chair and took the receiver.

“Hello… Where are you? … I thought you weren’t coming home for a few more days… Oh… No, it’s all right. I think Lily was actually going to spend the day with Severus…I can take a cab…Really, I’m sure…I’ll be ready when you get here.” May hung up the phone and turned to face Lily.

“Cris is home.”

“Already?”

“Yes, something about seeing Honoria with some Rugby player at a pub.”

“That’s horrid.”

“I knew I never liked her. You don’t mind if I go attend to my poor brother’s broken heart, do you?”

“Of course not.”

May went upstairs to pack her overnight case while Lily sat down with a cup of tea trying to figure out how on earth she was going to find the Snape’s house. By the time the cup was empty she still hadn’t come up with a better idea than wandering down Spinner’s End and hoping she saw Severus. Sighing, Lily gave it up as a lost cause for the moment and went to get cleaned up before Cris came over.

Lily finished pulling her clothes on just as Crispin Hall pulled his new Jaguar into the drive. She quickly ran a brush through her hair one last time and rushed to the top of the staircase. Looking down, she saw Crispin standing in the hall hugging his younger sister. When he heard the sound on the stairs he looked up and smiled weakly.

“Hi, Lily.”

“Hello, Cris. It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to be seen. You don’t mind if I steal my sister away, do you?”

“Of course not.”

May gazed at her brother in mock annoyance. “I already told you, Lily is spending the day with Severus.”

“You know, I always meant to ask Severus if he’s Tobias Snape’s son,” said Crispin.

“I think Sev’s father is called Tobias. Why?”

“Just curious. Really is a shame about old Snape.”

“What are you on about?” asked May.

“You don’t know?” queried Crispin as he looked at the girls, both of whom shook their heads.

“Well, rumor has it Tobias Snape was a great footballer in his day, might have even been able to play for England. Then one day, out of the blue, he quits and becomes a welder at the factory. Nobody could ever figure out why.”

“Really, a famous footballer lives here, in Cokeworth?” May sounded intrigued and Lily knew May had come up with a plan to get Severus’ address. “I might want to go see him. Where exactly do the Snapes live?”

Lily could not, for the life of her, figure out how May expected her brother to know where an ex-footballer lived, because if Severus hadn’t told Lily where he lived then there was less than no chance he had told Cris. Then again, Cris did seem to know how to track down just about anyone he had a notion to find.

“Why don’t you just ask Lily?” queried Crispin.

May laughed. “Oh, you know Lily guards Severus jealously. Who knows, maybe he’s just as good of a footballer as his father and she’s helping him hide it. That way he doesn’t loose his reputation as a genius.”

Lily couldn’t help but giggle at the idea of Severus playing football. She wasn’t even sure if he knew what the sport was. She looked at her friends and wickedly teased, “Maybe. But no matter what, I’ll not tell you where he lives.”

“Such a cruel friend to deny May a chance to see someone who could have been a national hero,” said Cris with a laugh. “Luckily, I’m a kinder brother than that. The Snapes live in the last house on Spinner’s End.”

“Hmm, I’ll have to wander down and see the potential hero one of these days, but for now I think Cris and I should be going.” May reached out and gave Lily a quick hug, whispering in her ear, “I’ll phone you later and see how it went.”

“All right.”

“Bye, Lily. You should come over soon and bring Severus with you. Maybe we can talk sport while you girls go on about makeup or boys or whatever.” He gave her a teasing wink so Lily knew he wasn’t serious about the last bit.

“Ha-ha, you’re very funny Cris,” retorted Lily as she gave him a hug.

Crispin reached over and picked up his sister’s overnight case before exiting the house. Lily followed them outside and watched as the Halls climbed into the car and pulled away, already talking intently to one another. Lily stood at the front door until the car had turned the corner. Then she gave a little sigh and turned back around to enter the house. Before her foot had crossed the threshold, she stopped. Lily knew if she was going to talk to Severus she was going to have to do it soon, before she lost her nerve.

There could definitely be no procrastination; if she was going to go at all then she would have to go now and be done with it. She walked inside and wrote her mother a note explaining Crispin had picked up May, and she had heard Severus was back and was going to go see him. She quickly grabbed her coat, locked the door and turned north.

Lily walked swiftly until she got to the play park where she had first met Severus. She stopped short and stared at the swings, remembering how she had jumped from one that day and how frightened Petunia had been by the flower moving in her hand. She could almost see Severus emerging from the bushes and telling her she was a witch; he had looked so eager and so flustered at the same time. If she had been going to have this conversation with _that_ Severus there would be no doubt in her mind as to what he would say, but _this_ Severus was so different.

Suddenly, Lily was worried, scared he wouldn’t say what she wanted him to. Maybe it was better to leave things as they were, then she could pretend the good Severus was still in there somewhere. Lily turned and started walking aimlessly back the way she had just come from. When she reached the edge of the park she stopped again. Was the fear of Severus saying he’d rather be a Death Eater than be friends with her so great she was going to let it stop her from saying her piece? No. She pivoted and walked back past the swings.

Would she be able to handle it if he actually said he thought she was worthless? If he did, it would destroy all the wonderful memories of the times they had shared together. She just couldn’t do it. Slowly, she circled the swing set and sat on the very swing she had occupied so many years ago. She pushed off from the ground and felt herself lift into the air. It was as wonderful as it had been on that long-ago summer day. Lily closed her eyes and felt the wind on her face, then let go and flew through the air, something she had not dared to do since Severus had told her what she was.

When Lily opened her eyes she was facing the very bush he had hidden behind that summer day. Staring at the bush everything became clear. She knew she had to apologize for her own poor behaviour and tell Severus how she truly felt, just as he had told her the truth that day, even if she had been too scared to believe him.

Once again, Lily turned north. She smiled a little to herself: if anyone was watching her right now they would likely think she was mad. Resolving not to change her mind again, Lily walked so swiftly that by the time she reached the entrance to Spinner’s End she was slightly out of breath. Lily had never been in this particular street before and looked around curiously.

Her first impression was Spinner’s End was the single most depressing place she had ever seen in her life. It was no wonder Severus always seemed so anxious to leave. Lily walked hesitantly down the street past countless brick terraced houses in various stages of decay. When she reached the last house, she took a deep breath, hoping to calm the butterflies in her stomach. Instead, the butterflies seemed to pick up speed and her stomach gave a little lurch. Apparently feeling calmer was not in the cards. So, she walked up to the door and rapped on it smartly.

A man, who Lily could tell had once been handsome but was now puffy and paunchy, opened it. He glowered at her and snapped, “Whatever you’re selling we don’t want it!”

“Please, I’m here to see Severus,” said Lily, intimidated by the sharpness of his voice.

“Who?”

“Severus Snape. I’m sorry, perhaps I have the wrong address.”

“No, this is the place.”

The man turned and walked back into the house leaving the door open. Lily was left standing on the door step, unsure of what she was supposed to do. After a moment’s hesitation, she stepped inside the house. She had barely crossed the threshold when the man barked, “Shut the door!”

Lily jumped and hastily closed the door behind her. Across the room, she saw a door open and a black eye peer out at her. For a moment Lily thought it was Severus and opened her mouth to speak but the door quickly swung shut again. Simultaneously Mr. Snape walked to the foot of the stairs and called, “Boy, get down here!”

Lily was a little taken aback by the tone of Mr. Snape’s voice. He staggered back around and eyed her like a ravenous dog ready to pounce on a piece of meat. “So, you the kid’s girlfriend?”

“No, I’m just a friend, from school,” whispered Lily. She really didn’t like the way Mr. Snape was looking at her.

“Yeah, thought you were too pretty to want to go ‘round with the boy.”

Lily was starting to wish she had waited outside. She looked around her, hoping to avoid eye contact with Severus’s father. There wasn’t much to see, the furniture was old and threadbare and the wallpaper was starting to peel in places and the whole room smelled faintly of stale alcohol. Mr. Snape sat down on the faded flower-print couch, picked a glass up off the floor and took a long drink, all the while staring at Lily. The longer he looked, the more uncomfortable Lily became. She didn’t think she could stand to be in the room with this man one moment longer.

“Umm, if you could just tell Severus I came by, I wou…”

A creak caused Lily to spin and look up the stairway. Standing at the top of the flight, with a look of complete surprise on his face, was Severus, his wet hair soaking the shoulders of his vest. He walked down two of the steps and stopped.

“Lily, what are you doing here?” he asked wondrously.

“I wanted to talk to you. I tried to ring, but the phone…” She tapered off not sure how to finish the sentence.

“Oh…well…umm…maybe…we’d better go outside and talk,” he stammered, coming down a few more steps.

“I think you should talk right here. Be nice to have someone decent to look at for a change. Besides, a lovely bird like her shouldn’t have to look at your ugly mug,” drawled Mr. Snape as he picked up a bottle and refilled his glass.

Lily was appalled to hear Severus’ father speak about his son in such a way. But Severus seemed unfazed, he merely shot his father a look of disgust before turning back to Lily and saying, “Let me just get a pair of shoes.”

Severus turned back around and was starting up the stairs when Lily heard a door open, and, turning her head, she saw a sallow-faced woman emerge from the opening opposite her. Severus’ mother walked to the foot of the sofa, wiping her hands on a ragged, dingy bit of towelling. She didn’t acknowledge either Lily or Severus, instead she focused all her attention on her husband.

“Haven’t you had enough today, Tobias?”

Severus paused on the stairs; _please don’t answer,_ he pleaded mentally

“I haven’t had anywhere near enough to look at you,” snapped Tobias.

Severus should have known it was too much to hope for that his parents not quarrel in front of a complete stranger. He was now torn. Should he go back, get Lily and bring her up to his room or should he keep going, get some shoes and get them both out of here?

“Well, you’re the one who married me,” Eileen shot back.

“Yeah, and we both know why.”

Shoes it was. Severus could tell his parents were in a mood to bicker and he didn’t think Lily would want to sit in his room until the fight blew over. He raced up the staircase and into his room, quickly flinging on a shirt, not bothering to button it, and grabbing a pair of socks and his father’s old work boots. He tore down the stairs again and saw that thankfully Eileen and Tobias had stopped their squabbling, though they were glaring at each other in a worryingly determined way. Severus knew the peace wouldn’t last much longer.

Perhaps Lily sensed this too because she was edging nervously toward the door. Severus shoved the socks into one of the boots and holding both of them in his left hand by the laces he leapt down the last two steps determined to get Lily out of his house as quickly as humanly possible.

“Those are my boots, boy!” yelled Tobias rising from his seat.

“You threw them away!” Severus snapped back.

“That doesn’t give you the right…” The older man began advancing towards his son, his hand balled into a fist.

Lily watched as Severus’ face became more set than usual, though his eyes glanced worriedly in her direction. Then, suddenly, Mrs. Snape moved a few feet to the right so she was standing between the two men. Still facing her husband, she said curtly, “Severus, be back before dinner.”

“I didn’t tell him he could go!” roared Tobias.

“Tobias, stop!”

“Don’t you tell me what to do, you bitch!”

Eileen glared at her husband. “Severus, take your friend and go.”

“Yes, go, you brat! And don’t forget to be back for dinner or else mummy will worry,” taunted the man. “Just be sure you bring the beauty back with you.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Severus muttered under his breath while crossing the room. “Let’s go, Lily.”

“Lily.” Eileen Snape’s voice sounded shocked and she snapped her head around to gaze at the girl standing next to her son. “Severus, perhaps…”

“Come on,” said Severus as he grabbed Lily by the hand and drug her from the house, slamming the door behind him.

They had just passed the edge of the next house when the door to the Snape house swung back open. “No matter what happens, keep walking,” Severus whispered to Lily.

“Severus!” Mrs. Snape’s voice rang out.

Whatever his mother was about to say Severus didn’t want Lily to hear it – things were bad enough as it was, so he raised his voice and shouted, “Yes, I think I did rather well on my exams too.”

Luckily, his statement drowned out the rest of Eileen’s sentence. Lily couldn’t help thinking ‘ _has he gone completely mental?’_ as she looked up at the figure yelling determinedly next to her.

Behind her, Lily heard Mr. Snape yell out his wife’s name, there was shrieked reply and for a moment the air was filled with sounds of shouting before the door banged shut and the street became quiet again.

Lily didn’t know what to say about what had just happened. Hoping to get some kind of a hint, she peeked up at Severus, but he was gazing straight ahead, his face stoically set. When they reached the end of the street Severus turned south, back towards the play park. Only a few steps later he stopped. It was only then Lily became aware of the fact that Severus still held her hand in a tight grip. Apparently, he reached this realization at the same moment because he dropped it abruptly. At the same time, the boots fell to the ground and Severus slumped to the curb.

“I’m sorry they were like that in front of you.” His voice was so faint Lily had to strain to hear it.

“It’s not your fault,” replied Lily, sinking down next to him.

“Hmm,” he murmured, fishing for his socks.

“Is it always like that?” Lily inquired timidly, watching as he pulled on his socks.

“Pretty much.”

“I’m so…”

“Don’t. Just don’t,” bit back Severus as he pulled the first boot on.

For several minutes they sat in silence while Severus laced up his boots.

Finally, Lily couldn’t stand it anymore. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I did. I told you they argue.”

“That’s not arguing. That’s…I don’t even know what that is.” The confusion she felt was evident in her voice.

Severus stood up and began buttoning up his shirt. For years he had avoided taking Lily to his house so he wouldn’t have to hear that tone of voice, the one that meant people were sorry for you.

“I don’t need pity,” he said coldly

“It’s not. I’m just confused. I thought we were…” Lily stopped abruptly; somehow she couldn’t bring herself to say the word ‘friends’.

“Lily, why did you come round? I have to assume it wasn’t to hear my parents have a row.” Suddenly Severus sounded weary, old far beyond his years.

Lily wanted nothing more than to hug him, to protect him and take away all the pain she knew he was feeling, but she had come with a purpose and she would not be side-tracked from it. Besides, all the hugs in the world would amount to nothing if they didn’t fix what was wrong between them.

“I told you, I want to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“What happened at school.”

Severus wondered if this was some new form of torture. Did she need to check and make sure he was miserable? He didn’t think he could stand there and listen to Lily berate him again. So, self-preservation kicked in. “Lily, I know you don’t forgive me and you don’t want us to be friends any longer. You didn’t need to come and tell me. I’ve got it, okay? I won’t bother you anymore.”

Severus turned away from her sure the lump in his throat must show it was so big. All he wanted now was to get away from her before he fell to the ground and sobbed like a hysterical two year old. He had taken a step or two back towards Spinner’s End when he heard her speak up.

“That isn’t what I want.”

“What?” he said as he spun around, his heart leaping in his chest.

“I’m…I’m not sure that’s what I want. That’s why I need to talk to you, to decide.”

_Please, please let this not be a dream_ , begged Severus to whatever deity might have been listening. “I don’t understand, what is there to talk about? Either you forgive me or you don’t.”

“No, it’s not that easy. I think there are a few things I need to get straight with you first. It all really depends on the answers you give me. ”

Severus was confused beyond words. What answers he gave? What kind of questions was she going to ask him? He wasn’t sure there was any other way to tell her how sorry he was. Oh, who cared? Fate was offering him a second chance. Whatever she wanted to hear, that’s what he would say. Hell, if she wanted to be told he could sprout wings and fly, well then somehow he would find a way to do it.

“What do you want to know?”

Lily looked into his eyes. She knew they couldn’t have this conversation on a street corner. They had to go somewhere where they were both comfortable, a place where she was sure she would get the truth out of him. In a flash it came to her. They would go to their secret spot, the glade in the wood where they had first gone to talk and share their secrets.

“Not here. Let’s go to The Spot.”

The Spot. Severus wasn’t at all sure he wanted to go there. If for some reason this didn’t go well then it would be ruined forever. He’d never be able to go back there without remembering it was the place where all his dreams had fallen apart.

“Lily, maybe we should go somewhere else.”

“No. It has to be there.”

Severus knew by the determination in her voice there was no way he’d be able to talk Lily into going anywhere else. So, resigning himself to his fate, he nodded and reluctantly followed her. The hope he had felt at her words was slowly being replaced by fear. They walked side by side in silence, each secretly feeling it had never taken so long to get anywhere.

When they reached the clearing, Severus settled himself on the ground while Lily sat on the rock they had brought here to use as a chair years before.

“We should bring another rock here, so we each have a seat,” Severus said without thinking.

“Maybe,” Lily replied noncommittally.

He supposed if Lily didn’t like the answers he gave, then this would be the last time they would be in this glade together. If that were the case, a second seat would hardly be necessary.

Severus brushed the hair out of his face and looked at the girl sitting across from him. Before she asked him anything he was determined to apologise again and this time he would do it right. “Lily, I…”

“No, let me start,” she interrupted.

Lily took a deep breath, willing herself to say what she knew she had to. “I want to say if I laughed, smiled or did anything else to make you think I was enjoying your distress that day by the lake, then I am sincerely sorry.”

Severus was completely gob-smacked. This was the last thing he had expected. She was apologizing to him?

“I…” He stared at her, unable to find any words.

Lily sat there patiently, waiting to hear what he would say.

“I forgive you.”

“I did smile then. I wasn’t certain,” Lily said sadly. She saw the hurt flash through Severus’ eyes a second before they fell to the ground.

Things were so much worse than Severus had originally thought. She couldn’t even remember what she had done to him. Oh Merlin, maybe she didn’t care about him at all.

“Is that why you called me Mud…”

“Yes,” he said sharply, unable to let her utter the word.

“Oh,” whispered Lily.

Severus continued to gaze at the ground. Was that it? Was that all she needed to know? He wanted to ask if he was forgiven now but couldn’t quite bring himself to do it.

“Severus, did you mean it when you said you don’t want to be a Death Eater?” Lily asked after several moments.

Severus’ heart sank. The truth was, he didn’t know if he had meant it or not, but he had known it was what she wanted to hear and so he had said it. He did want to tell her the truth, all the reasons he wanted to be a Death Eater, but he was afraid if he even started to explain she would be furious and the conversation would be finished, as would be any chance he had of getting Lily back.

“I don’t know what I want any more,” he whispered. “I thought I did, but now…” With a shrug he trailed off and waited to see what her reaction would be.

Lily sat looking thoughtfully at him. So, her best friend was still in there. Perhaps she could still reach him. If only she could figure out how to do that. The tension between them grew until it was almost unbearable. Finally, Lily made a decision. She was going to take May’s advice and make this be about them, her and Severus.

“Why are you friends with them?”

“With who?”

“Mulciber, Avery, Malfoy, that whole lot?”

“I guess - because they’re friends with me.”

“But you could have other friends.”

Severus gave a derisive snort. “Could I? I’m not like you, Lily.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning, everyone likes you. Who wouldn’t? You’re smart and talented and kind and pre…” Severus stopped hastily.

Lily felt her cheeks flush – she realized he had been about to say she was pretty. So it seemed May was right about that too. She had to admit the fact Severus found her attractive was somehow smugly satisfying. Pushing that thought aside for now, she swiftly replied, “You’re just as talented as me and as for being smart - you and I both know you’re the smartest student at Hogwarts. And you can be kind, you just don’t let most people see it.”

Severus felt frustrated. She didn’t understand and he didn’t know how to make her. He jumped to his feet and started circling the clearing, trying to think of a way to explain his situation to her, but he failed to find the correct words and in the end settled for saying, “You don’t understand.”

“Then help me to.”

“In Slytherin, amongst that group in particular, kindness – it’s seen as a weakness, something to be taken advantage of.” He turned his back to her and muttered, “And I already have enough problems without adding to them.”

Until that moment it had never occurred to Lily that Severus might have problems within his house.

“What are you talking about? What problems?”

He spun to face her, his face tight with tension. “Lily, I’m a half-blood living with a group of pure-bloods. Do you really think they never say anything to me about that?”

“I never thought…”

“Well, let me assure you, they do. So, I have to work extra hard to prove my worth.”

“Prove that you’re worthy of what, of being a Death Eater?” Now Lily was standing as well, fire blazing in her eyes.

“No! That I’m worthy to be there at all, to be a part of Slytherin!”

“Why? Why do you care if those people find you worthy?”

Severus felt his defences break and spurted out the truth before he could stop himself. “Because someone has to think I’m worthwhile, Lily! Someone has to think I’m good enough to amount to something! To be respected and…and…”Oh God, did he want to say he wanted someone to think he was good enough to be loved but he couldn’t bring himself to say the words, not to her, not when she could take it to mean he was asking for pity.

Lily’s heart stopped. She had never known Severus felt like this, like he was worthless. He had always seemed so confident, so sure of himself and his place in the world and apparently it was all a facade. Out of the blue, a revelation swept over her. “That’s what you meant, wasn’t it?”

“What I meant when?”

“That night, when you said I was just like everyone else. You thought I didn’t think you were good enough, not worthy of forgiveness or respect or compassion. Not worthy to be my friend.”

He raised his eyes fixedly to the sky. “Yes,” he choked out.

“That’s not what I think at all! I’ve been so angry with you, so frustrated because I didn’t understand how…” Lily stopped and walked over to the boy. Gently she tugged at his arm until his eyes met hers. She could see the tears gathering in them and knew he must hate that anyone was seeing him this way but she needed to be sure he fully understood what she was about to say.

“How what?” he croaked.

“How you couldn’t see you are so much better than them.”

Severus walked past her, sat down on the rock, and covered his face with his hands. Lily strode over and sat cross-legged in front of him. With all her heart she prayed he would really listen to what she was saying to him.

“They don’t deserve you, Sev. Those people don’t deserve to be friends with the truly wonderful person who is my best friend. They’re the ones who aren’t good enough, not you.”

“Do you mean that?” asked the muffled voice from behind the curtain of black hair.

“Of course I do! How can you doubt that?”

“I don’t know. No one has ever…even my parents have never said...”

Never in her life had Lily wanted to physically harm someone, but she knew if Mr. and Mrs. Snape had been standing in front of her right now she would have cheerfully throttled them. How could they let Severus grow up like this? Had they really never given him a compliment? God, had they ever even told him they loved him? Lily wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer to that question. She longed to tell Severus she loved him, but didn’t think the moment was quite right. Soon, she promised herself, very soon.

This revelation brought up new questions and she couldn’t help but asked him, “Is that why you wanted to be a Death Eater? So you would be respected?”

For a long time Severus merely sat there. Then a very faint “yes” caught her ear. Lily exhaled a breath she hadn’t been aware of holding. At least that choice was finally explained.

“But that’s not the only reason,” his voice continued.

“What are the other reasons?” Lily felt a little flutter of fear. She hoped Severus wasn’t going to tell her he wanted revenge on the people who had tormented him or that he enjoyed causing pain.

“I thought…”he began reluctantly, slowly lifting his head. As if he took strength from the sight of her, his voice became firmer, “I thought this way I could protect my Mum and…and you.”

“Oh Sev, you didn’t really think that would work, did you?”

“It will. I know it will! If I’m with them, then I’ll know if they want to hurt either of you and I can talk them out of it. If I can’t do that, then I can hide you. I can keep you safe Lily, both of you.”

“I don’t want you to do that for me. I can’t let you sell your soul to keep me safe, and I’m sure your Mum would feel the same. Besides, it won’t work.”

“Of course it will work!”

“No, it won’t,” she said sadly.

“Lily, trust me. I can do this. I know I can.”

“Did it ever occur to you they might ask you to torture, or even kill one of us as a test of your loyalty? What would you do then?”

Severus recoiled as though he had been hit. “How can you ask me that? I would never…what do you think I am?” he asked indignantly.

“Someone who hasn’t thought his choices through all the way. Sev, I want to believe you would never harm your Mum or me – I do – So very, very badly. But there are times when I’m not entirely sure of that.”

This time it was he who sought out her eyes. “Lily, I swear, on everything I hold sacred, I would never, ever hurt you and I would die before I’d let anyone else either.”

Lily searched his eyes and for the first time, saw all the love he held for her there. “I believe you.”

“Good, because I mean it.”

“Severus, you know you can’t have both, don’t you? You can’t be a Death Eater and be friends with me. I won’t let you and they certainly won’t let you. So, you have to pick. Them or…”

“You.”

“You’re sure?”

“Always.”


	7. Dinner at The Evans

Two weeks later, Lily sat on a swing in the play park waiting for Severus. It had been a good fortnight, if you ignored the fact that Petunia was back. From the moment she had returned, Tuney had gone on and on about her friend Marge’s older brother, Vernon. According to Petunia, Vernon Dursley was the greatest man ever born. Privately Lily thought he sounded like the most boring git ever.

So, every day she escaped and met Severus, usually at the play park or the Spot. Lily could tell something had changed between them, that somehow there was a connection that hadn’t been there before, though what it was she couldn’t quite figure out. This new bond had become evident that first day when the two of them had stayed in the glade talking until long after dark, both forgetting to go home for dinner. Severus had finally told Lily about how his father never called him by his name and seemed to drink more and more every year. Lily had, in turn, told Severus all the nasty things Tuney said about her. Before they had left the sanctuary of the circle of trees that night Lily had made Severus promise he would never again keep secrets from her. He had looked at her a long while before agreeing.

In a way, it was like they were getting to know one another all over again. It made Lily realize just how far apart they had grown over the last few years, but it seemed they were slowly starting to rebuild the friendship they had had in the beginning. Maybe soon they would be back to being the best friends they had always said they were. Smiling happily to herself, Lily pushed her feet against the ground swaying gently on the swing and letting her thoughts wander.

Severus stood at the edge of the play park looking at Lily on the swing. He had been on his way to her house and hadn’t expected to see her here. The setting sun caught her hair, turning it to a fiery copper and he was struck anew by her beauty. Secretly he felt a little ashamed of the promise he had made her the night of their reconciliation, the night the world had righted itself and some angel in heaven had finally taken pity on him. He knew he couldn’t tell her he loved her, not yet. While everything felt right, felt better than it had in years, he knew he still needed to restore the trust between them. That would take time and he did not intend to tell her how he felt until everything was perfect between them. For now, he was just enjoying the fact she seemed to be happy in his company once again.

He strolled across the park and settled down on the swing next to Lily. Severus wrapped his arms around the chains and looked over at her. He could tell her thoughts were elsewhere. Her green eyes were glazed over and there was a faint smile around her mouth. He could feel his own lips curving up to match hers.

“A knut for your thoughts.”

“Actually, I was thinking about you,” she answered, turning her head to smile at him.

“Were you?”

“Hmm.”

“Am I allowed to know what you were thinking?”

“I’m glad we’re friends again. Somehow I feel like I’ve missed you terribly the last year or so.”

Severus felt a glow spread through him, _take that Potter_. “I’ve missed you as well.”

“At least we’ve fixed it before it was too late.”

“I thought it was too late for a little bit.”

“Apparently it wasn’t,” said Lily as she stretched out her hand, palm up, a smirk on her face.

Severus looked down at it questioningly. “What?”

“You owe me a knut. Pay up.”

Severus unwound his arms from the swing and patted his pockets. Finally, he looked up at her and shrugged. “Afraid I don’t have a knut with me.”

Lily looked at him and pouted playfully.

“I promise I’ll get it to you later.”

“Don’t think I’ll forget.”

“I won’t, I know you better than that.”

The two looked at each other and laughed. It felt good to fall into the old easy banter.

“Come on,” said Lily jumping from the swing “We’ll be late and May and Cris won’t thank us for that.”

“How many people are coming tonight?” asked Severus, rising from his seat and joining her to walk across the park.

“Just you and May and Cris.”

“And you met me here because…?”

Lily shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Were you afraid I’d get lost on the way to yours?”

“Who knows – it’s been awhile since you’ve been round.”

“I guess it has.”

“Mum’s ready to pounce on you with about a million questions, just so you’re prepared.”

“Does she know?”

“About the fight? No. I didn’t want to tell them when I first got home and we made it up so quickly after, that it seemed silly to mention it.”

“How do they think I got home?”

“They know your mum collected you.” Lily smiled. “May told them your grandmother was ill and you had stay in the south to see her.”

“Lil, my grandmother’s been dead an age.”

“I know, but May didn’t and I didn’t know any way to stop her without giving it all away.”

“So you want me to lie to Violet when she asks me how my grandmother is?”

“No, just tell her May was mistaken. It would be the truth.”

“I suppose,” Severus grudgingly agreed. He didn’t like the idea of lying to Lily’s parents. They had always been kind to him, especially Mrs. Evans. Whenever he came over, the Evanses always asked him how he was and what new things he had learned at school, and Mrs. Evans seemed to have a never-ending supply of food to feed him. There had been times when Severus had wished his mum and father were like Mr. and Mrs. Evans but he usually felt a little guilty afterward. He loved his mother, he just wished she didn’t have to be so guarded all the time.

“Thank you for doing this for me, Sev,” Lily said.

“My pleasure.”

Two days ago Lily had finally gotten tired of listening to Petunia’s constant prattle about Vernon Dursley, the “perfect man,” and so had asked her parents if she could have Severus round for dinner on Sunday. Mrs. Evans had said of course she could and why not ask May and Crispin since the elder Halls were still not home. Lily hoped having company for dinner would be enough to curb Petunia’s enthusiasm for her new favourite subject.

“Maybe I should apologize to you in advance.”

“For what?”

“Oh, all Petunia talks about is her friend Marge’s brother. It’s all ‘Vernon did this, Vernon did that, and Vernon did some other bloody thing’. Not a one of which is remotely interesting. Honestly, I haven’t even met the man and I already find him to be incredibly boring.”

Severus laughed, “Well if Petunia likes him then I think it’s safe to say he is as boring and run of the mill as it gets.”

“I keep hoping one day she’ll change and go back to the way she was when we were young.”

Severus fixed his eyes on the top of his black boots. He really hated to shatter any of Lily’s illusions, but he honestly felt this was one wish that would never be granted. “I don’t think that’s going to happen, Lil.”

“Why not? You’ve changed.”

“Because Petunia is happy as she is. She sees no reason to change.”

Lily continued walking in silence. She understood Severus was telling her he hadn’t been happy and that’s why he was willing to try and change. It was probably as close as he would ever get to saying he regretted being friends with some of his housemates.

She snuck a glance at him out of the corner of her eye. He certainly seemed happy at the moment. He was walking next to her with a sort of grace and elegance all his own. His face looked relaxed, not tense as it usually did and there was the slightest hint of a smile around his lips and eyes.

Lily sped up as the two of them rounded the corner onto Bloom Street and she saw the Jaguar already parked in front of the Evans’ house. “Bugger, they’re already here.”

Severus quickened his own pace to keep up with her but Lily still managed to outdistance him and had pushed open the front door and called ‘hello’ down the pale blue hall before Severus reached the front entrance himself. Just as he shut the front door behind him, a door at the end of the corridor swung open and May walked out, looking very amused. “Thank God, you’re here, Lily,” the girl said as she gave Lily a quick peck on the cheek. “Quick – go and rescue Cris! Your mum had to run to the shops for some eggs and Petunia has Cris trapped in the kitchen and seems determined not to let him go.”

Lily laughed and rolled her eyes, advancing toward the swinging white door at the end of the passageway. She quickly passed through, leaving May and Severus alone in the corridor.

“Hello, Severus, how are you?”

“I’m well and you?”

“Lovely. I think it’s best if we wait out here for the time being.”

“Why, what is Petunia doing this time?”

“Flirting horribly with my brother,” laughed May.

“I thought she fancied that Vernon person.”

“Yes, but somehow I think if Petunia thought she could get a better offer, Vernon would be a distant memory in no time.”

Severus shook his head in puzzlement. He could never forget Lily, not for anything or anyone. The fact that other people could treat love so flippantly boggled his mind.

“I’m happy you and Lily have made up.”

Severus suddenly felt uncomfortable. He had guessed Lily had told May about what had happened at school and that the two had most likely discussed the issue. Still, Severus was never particularly comfortable with people knowing the details of his private life, so the fact that his actions had been discussed and judged by someone he’d shared hardly any personal information with was more than a little unsettling. Normally he would avoid any further conversation about the topic but he knew Lily was hopeful he and May would become friends so he decided to try and be sociable.

“I’m glad she’s decided to give me a second chance.”

“So am I.”

Just then, the door swung open and Lily strode out, looking vaguely annoyed. A tall sandy-haired man, who was talking over his shoulder, followed her closely.

“I’m sure you would like Cambridge, Petunia. Getting in is a little difficult at times.”

Petunia bounced out of the kitchen after him, a simpering smile on her face. The grin faltered for a moment when she saw Severus, but it quickly slid back into place.

Batting her eyes at Crispin, she said, “I’m sure you could put in a good word for me.”

“I’m not an alumnus yet, Petunia so I’m afraid you’ll have to get in on your own A levels. However, I will tell you the interview is very important therefore I’d prep a good deal for it.”

“Maybe you could come by this summer and give me a few tips,” Petunia smiled at Crispin hopefully.

Lily rolled her eyes while May quickly turned her back and tried to hide a smile behind her hand. Crispin smiled indulgently, “Maybe, though I am rather booked.” The man then turned his attention elsewhere. “Hello Severus,” he said extending his hand.

Severus reached out his long pale hand and grasped Crispin’s tan one. “Hello Crispin.”

“How have you been? I don’t think I’ve seen you since last summer. I heard I missed you putting my sister in her place regarding a certain movie. I was sorry I couldn’t be there. It must have been a sight to see someone proving May wrong.”

“He wishes,” retorted May. “We all know I was right.”

“That’s a matter of opinion,” Severus replied dryly

“Oh, don’t start all this again! Really Cris, it took me a whole night to get them to agree to disagree and now you want to go and spoil my peace keeping efforts,” said an exasperated Lily.

At that moment, the front door opened and Mrs. Evans stumbled through, her arms clutching a basket. Severus rushed forward and pulled the basket from her arms. “Let me carry that for you, Mrs. Evans.”

“Thank you, Severus. There are a few bags in the car if anyone would care to fetch them.”

“I’d be happy to Violet,” said Cris

“Here are the keys and I thought I told you to call me Violet, Severus.”

Crispin winked at Severus cheekily before taking the keys and hurrying outside.

“Severus, if you would follow me so I can put these things away...”

“I thought you were only going for eggs, Mum,” said Lily following her mother and friend into the cheery red and white kitchen.

“It turned out I needed a few other things. Severus you can put that on the table?” Mrs. Evans watched as Severus put down the basket. “Now go, both of you.”

“Are you sure you don’t want any help, mum?”

“No. Go entertain your company, Lily.”

The two passed Crispin, carrying two canvas bags, on their way to the lounge. Entering the room, they found Petunia and May sitting on the sofa where Petunia was rattling on about her plans to go to University. Lily didn’t envy May, but to give May her due she seemed to be listening quite intently, making all the correct responses. As Petunia started in about her possible courses of study, a thought occurred to Lily.

“Sev, when are we supposed to get our O.W.L. results?” she asked, dropping onto the floor next to the fireplace.

Severus sat down next to her before answering, “Soon, I would guess.”

“Have you decided what you’re going to take next year?”

“No, not yet.”

“Hmm, me either. Though I am definitely dropping divination.”

“I told you not to take that. You should have taken arithmancy with me.”

“I’m horrid at numbers. There’s no way I would have ever passed.”

“So, what are we all talking about?” boomed Crispin as he entered the room.

“School,” answered Lily smiling up at him.

Cris dropped onto the floor next to Severus. “Sounds boring. Isn’t it bad enough we have to go nine months out of the year do we have to talk about it the other three?”

“I didn’t think you actually did anything at Cambridge, Cris, aside from brewing ale in your room.” teased his sister.

“Oh, I manage to study a little bit. And you’re a fine one to talk, I’m sure school will be very taxing for you in Switzerland.”

“What? Why are you going to Switzerland and when did you decide all this?” asked Lily.

“Mother made up her mind a few days ago. She thinks I need to be finished.” May’s nose wrinkled up in distaste.

“What does ‘finished’ mean?” Severus asked Lily in a whisper.

Cris, who had apparently overheard the question, answered with a laugh. “It means my little sister is going to go learn how to make some man a good wife.”

“Where are you going to, Margaret?” asked Petunia.

“The Institut Alpin Vidermanette, where I will learn how to converse nicely in French and what fork to use with the fish course. What a waste.”

“I wouldn’t say that. I’m sure you’ll meet lots of potential wives for me and a couple of future sisters-in-law for yourself.” Crispin winked at his sister.

May adopted an air of innocence. “Oh, so we’re looking to marry some society darling, are we?”

“Wouldn’t dream of anything else,” returned Cris sincerely.

Both Lily and May laughed. Severus noticed the smile fade from Petunia’s face and had to stop himself from smirking. Looked like Petunia was back to Vernon.

“Luckily not all men think that way,” stated Petunia peevishly.

Before Crispin could respond the sound of the front door opening reached them. A second later, Mr. Evans’ head appeared around the edge of the door. “Hello, kids.”

“Hi, Mr. Evans,” the voices chorused.

“How was the match, Mr. Evans?” Cris asked.

“Ahh, not so great. Lost. I just wanted to pop in and say hello before I went to get cleaned up.” Mr. Evans waved and disappeared from sight.

“So where were we?” asked Crispin.

“Your need to marry a vapid princess,” Lily replied with a laugh.

“Jealous, are we?”

“Should I be?”

“Well you certainly aren’t in the vapid society darling category, are you?”

“I would hope not. And to answer your previous question, not in the slightest.”

Judging by the look on her face, Petunia wasn’t enjoying this exchange any more than Severus was.

“I think I’ll go help mother,” said Petunia in an overly polite voice.

Cris waited several minutes before he burst out laughing. “God, I thought she was going to spend the whole evening plastered to me. No offence, Lily, I know she’s your sister, but sometimes she’s just too clingy.”

“No offence taken. I know you could never be interested in Tuney, she’s not your type.”

“And what exactly is my type?”

“A tall, blond, divinely dull girl who doesn’t deserve you,” retorted May.

Severus relaxed; that certainly didn’t describe Lily.

“May’s angry because I talked to Honoria the other day,” Cris explained.

“And what did she have to say?” Lily inquired.

“That the rugby player was just a friend.”

May gave a disbelieving sniff.

“Obviously May doesn’t believe her. What do you think?”

“I really don’t know, Cris. It sounds awfully convenient to me.”

“And what about you?” Crispin asked looking at Severus.

Severus was taken aback – he and Crispin never talked about personal matters. In fact, they hardly spoke at all. Severus had always been fairly certain Cris didn’t like him and if it weren’t for the fact his sister was friends with Lily he wouldn’t have deigned to speak to Severus at all.  But perhaps he was wrong.

“Maybe I should explain,” started May. “A few weeks ago Cris saw Honoria in a pub flirting with some rugby player. He rightly told her it was over. Now she wants to come back. I suppose the rugby player ended up being a no-go.”

Crispin threw an exasperated look at his sister before turning back to Severus. “You’re a bloke, what would you do if it were you?”

Severus knew if he ever saw Lily flirting with someone else he would be crazy jealous. The image of her smiling at Potter floated to the front of his brain. He resolutely pushed the picture to the back of his mind again and said truthfully, “If she told me nothing had happened and I loved her, I would believe her.”

He thought it best to leave out the fact he would also hex the man into next week. Severus didn’t think Lily would appreciate that idea.

“So, I’ve got two for believing her and two against. Right back to where I started.” Crispin rubbed his hands over his face, obviously frustrated. “Thanks for the input. Maybe we’d best move on to a better subject than the disaster that is my love life.”

“Gladly. Is your dad still intent on painting the house crimson, Lily?” May asked.

“Yes, mum lives in constant fear she’ll come home one day and it’ll be done.”

“I’m pretty sure it would take at least two days to paint a house. So unless Daniel sends her away for the weekend I don’t think she has anything to worry about.”

“Now there’s an idea, Cris,” jested Mr. Evans as he walked in the door.

“I don’t think mum would like that, dad.”

“What is it I wouldn’t like?” asked Mrs. Evans, coming in with two glasses of wine in her hands.

“Nothing, sweeting.” Mr. Evans took one of the glasses from his wife and raised it in a salute. “To you.”

Mrs. Evans smiled and leaned over to kiss her husband before settling into the wingback chair beside his.

“We’re just waiting for Petunia to finish the Yorkshire pudding and then we can eat. I feel as if I haven’t seen you two boys in ages. How was term for you both?”

Severus saw Cris smile; apparently, Mrs. Evans routinely questioned him about his school year as well, which was interesting. Maybe the two of them had more in common than he thought.

“You go first,” Crispin said to Severus. “Otherwise you might never get to tell once she hears what I have to say since she might feel compelled to spend the whole rest of the evening yelling at me.”

“Hmm, I think that means I am going to hear from you first.” Violet interjected.

“There’s nothing to say, Vi.”

“Then why am I going to yell at you?”

“No reason. I just might have had a small accident with a batch of beer I was brewing.” Cris promptly launched into a story of exploding bottles, a river of beer and how the entire house had to be evacuated. By the time he was done, everyone was seated around the table and laughing uncontrollably, except Petunia, who didn’t find the story even the tiniest bit amusing.

Mr. Evans carved the roast while Mrs. Evans wiped the tears from her eyes. “Oh Cris, I don’t think I can scold you for that. Just be more careful next time.”

“I’ll try,” returned Crispin saucily

“I think that makes it your turn, Severus,” said Mr. Evans passing him a plate heavy with roast and pudding.

He looked cautiously around the table. How much did May and Crispin know? He had certainly never said anything about being a wizard in front of them. How open could he really be around them?

Lily saw the look he was shooting round the table and put her hand on his arm. “It’s all right, May and Cris know what we are.”

Severus nodded and turned to look at Violet Evans. “It’s hard to know for certain before getting my exam results but I think I did well.”

Lily laughed. “Please Sev –” she looked around the table before asserting, “He’ll be top of everything. He always is.”

Severus felt his cheeks flush red. “That’s not true. Lily’s always tops in Charms and she does really well in Potions. It’s a challenge keeping up with her.”

“Says the man who’s a better potions brewer than the professor. Luckily, as his best friend I get loads of free pointers.”

“Anything else exciting happen this year?” asked Violet.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you, mum, we got careers advice.”

“And what have you both decided to do?”

“I was thinking about working for the ministry,” Lily said.

“And you Severus?” Mr. Evans inquired.

“I haven’t decided yet.”

“Well you’re still young. You have plenty of time,” smiled Mrs. Evans.

“Tell me Sev, I always wondered, what is sport like at your school?” Crispin asked around a mouthful of potato.

Severus winced slightly at the use of the nickname. Only Lily called him Sev, but he decided to let it pass. “Well, the main sport is quidditch.”

“Yes, Lily tried to explain it to me. Can’t say I understood it at all. Maybe you’d have better luck.”

“Truthfully I’m more interested in football than quidditch.”

Cris’ face began to glow. “What’s your club?”

“Manchester United, of course,” replied Severus as if any other answer would be unthinkable.

“Me too!” Cris cheerfully concurred.

Mr. Evans beamed with pride at them both, as if he were personally responsible for the boys’ choice of Man U for their favourite club. The three men quickly launched into a discussion of statistics, players and how thankfully the last season had been better than the disastrous 72-73 season.

Lily watched them happily for a few minutes. She hadn’t known Severus was so interested in football. He was definitely into the conversation, gesturing animatedly with his hands, eyes glowing and a smile on his face. She was glad he and Crispin were getting on so well. She had high hopes the two would finally become friends. Lily knew Cris liked Severus well enough, but had always felt the younger boy was very reserved and so had never tried to press being friends with him. What Severus thought of Crispin Lily couldn’t figure out. There had been times in the past when Severus seemed prepared to give Cris a chance and then there were others when he barely acknowledged Crispin’s presence. But now maybe they were turning a corner.

Lily turned to listen in on the conversation her mother, sister and May were having. Apparently, Petunia had told Mrs. Evans the Halls were sending May to finishing school and May was begging Violet to talk her mother out of it. Violet promised she would see what she could do. Secretly Lily thought her mother would have a better chance of trying to get the world to spin in the other direction than of talking Mrs. Hall out of sending May to Switzerland. Petunia then launched into a tedious account of her holiday in Bath with her friend Marge. This in turn led to a long-winded description of all of the wonderful attributes of Vernon Dursley. Lily tried to get Severus’ attention so he could hear, but he was now so wrapped up in a debate on Tommy Docherty’s managing style she couldn’t manage to catch his eye.

Finally, everyone’s plates were empty and Mrs. Evans suggested they all move to the lounge for pudding and coffee. Petunia stated she had a phone call she had to make and asked to be excused. Mrs. Evans reluctantly agreed, although Lily could tell her mother thought Petunia was being rude. Lily was just happy that for once her sister had spent a full night in Severus’ company and had avoided saying anything negative about him. Granted she had spent a good portion of her time glaring at Severus but it was still better than the usual nasty remarks she threw his way.

Mrs. Evans passed around generous serving of sticky toffee pudding and settled herself back into her usual wing chair. Crispin sprawled out over three quarters of the sofa, his sister wedged into the space that was left. Mr. Evans quickly started asking Cris about his new car. May, meanwhile told the rest of them about her plans to go to the country house in a few weeks, if only she could talk her brother into taking her.

Eventually the conversation became general and went on for a long time. When Severus finally looked at the clock over the fireplace he was surprised to see that it read ten-thirty. He knew by now his mother would most likely be wondering where he was.

Rising from his place on the floor he said, “I should be going. Thank you for dinner Mr. and Mrs. Evans.”

“We enjoyed having you. Come back again soon,” replied Mrs. Evans.

“Good night, Severus,” May said.

“Good to see you again, Severus. We should get together sometime after the season starts, it would be great to hear your opinion.”

“Sounds good.”

Lily jumped to her feet. “I’ll walk you out.”

They wandered slowly to the door, Lily staring at Severus intently the whole time.

“Why are you looking at me like that Lil?”

“No reason. Thank you for coming tonight, it was fun.”

“It was.” he agreed.

Severus opened the door and had started to walk towards the road, but turned when he heard Lily call after him.

“Sev.”

“Yes?”

“You know, you’re very handsome when you smile.” She flashed him a smile of her own before softly closing the door.

Severus was sure his feet didn’t touch the ground once the whole way home.

 


	8. Friendship

The next few weeks passed quietly enough. For Severus and Lily the most exciting thing to happen was the arrival of their exam results half way through July. When the owl carrying his results arrived, Severus took his letter to the Spot and waited for Lily’s inevitable appearance. Sure enough, a mere ten minutes later she emerged from the bushes, a piece of parchment clutched in her hand.

“Did you get your results?’ she asked eagerly.

“Yes.”

“Well, how did you do?”

“I haven’t opened it yet.”

“What are you waiting for?”

She watched as Severus slid a finger under the flap. He pulled out the letter and ran his eyes over the marks. He silently handed the piece of parchment to Lily. She looked at him curiously and then dropped her eyes to the piece of paper in front of her.

“Sev, this is great!”

“I suppose.”

“Don’t tell me you’re upset about one E.”

“No,” his tone was unconvincing.

“Sev, you got eleven O’s!” Lily looked at him and then burst out laughing. “You just have to be best at everything, don’t you?”

“Is that so bad?”

“No, it’s part of what makes you – you,” she said, handing the parchment back to him.

“How did you do?”

“Pretty well. I got six Os, five Es and an A.”

“What did you get the A in?”

“Divination.”

“You did better than I would have done.”

“Maybe. Listen, mum and dad are taking me out to celebrate. Would you like to come?”

“I can’t, mum’s making me a special dinner.”

“Before she knew your marks?”

“She assumed they would be good.”

“That’s an easy assumption to make with you. I have to run, but I’ll see you soon.” She waved and departed the way she had just come.

Six days later Lily had told Severus her family was going to Denmark on holiday for a week. As always, Severus hated to hear the Evans’ were leaving on their annual summer holiday, but Lily had promised him she would meet him promptly at noon at the Spot on the day after her return.

The promise was the only thing that got Severus through the horrendous week that followed. His parents fought every night, the shouts and screams reverberating off the walls. Last night, Eileen had finally lost her temper and thrown a book at her husband. Not surprisingly, Tobias had retaliated before storming out of the house, swearing he was never coming back. Eileen had ended up collapsed on the floor cursing the day she had met Tobias Snape. Severus had tried to calm his mother but she had only lashed out at him. Not that he blamed her; she was always upset after an argument with her husband. Severus knew eventually his mum would come to his room and tell him she was sorry and of course she was glad he was her son, but until then it was best to stay out of her way.

His father still hadn’t returned and secretly Severus hoped he never would. Deep down inside he knew this was a hopeless dream because sooner or later Tobias always came back. So early the morning after Lily had returned from her holiday, Severus had gotten dressed, tucked his copy of _Great Expectations_ under his arm, took the blanket from his bed and set out for the glade to wait for her.

When he got there, he spread the blanket on the ground and opened the book. For a long time he stared blankly at the page, his mind returning for the umpteenth time to what Lily had said to him after the dinner party. That night he had gone home and gazed long and hard at his reflection. For the life of him, he couldn’t see what Lily was on about, all he could see were a big nose, sallow skin and lanky, greasy hair. He had tried smiling to see exactly what happened but as far as he could tell nothing about his appearance changed in the least. Still, he had tried to smile more when Lily was around, just in case she was right. He looked ruefully down at the book in his lap; it probably wasn’t the best choice if his goal was to smile. But then he didn’t really feel there was much to be happy about this week. He fixed his eyes determinedly back on the page before him and soon became immersed in the world of Dickens.

The sun was high overhead when Lily came silently through the undergrowth, her gift for Severus clutched tightly in her hand. When she reached the clearing, she paused and took in the sight in front of her. Clearly, Severus had not heard her coming, as he made no move to greet her. Indeed, he seemed to be completely absorbed in the book that was propped up in front of him.

Lily cleared her throat to let him know she was there. Hearing the sound, Severus raised his head up off his hand. The dark circles under his eyes shocked Lily; she wondered if he had slept at all since she had left. The coal black eyes searched the glade for the source of the sound and when they landed on the red haired girl they filled with happiness. Throwing the book aside, he pushed himself up into a sitting position.

“Lily!”

“Hello, Sev,” she said crossing over to him. It was on the tip of her tongue to ask what had happened to make him look so weary but it seemed better to wait.

“How was your holiday?”

“Good,” replied Lily as she sat down on the blanket next to him and passed him the package. “Here, I got this for you.”

Severus looked down at the rectangle wrapped in star-covered midnight blue paper. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“I know, but I saw this and it made me think of you.”

Severus ran his fingers over the glossy paper in wonderment. Lily had never before bought him a gift for any reason other than his birthday or Christmas.

“Sev, I didn’t get you a present just so you could stare at the wrapping.”

“What? Oh, sorry.” He slowly released the tape on the back.

Lily sighed and shook her head; she could never understand why Severus didn’t just rip the paper off like everyone else did. She watched as he carefully folded the wrapping and laid it to one side. Reverently he looked down at the musty old book now resting in his lap.

“Do you like it?” Lily asked anxiously.

“It’s amazing. Where did you find it?”

“An old shop in Copenhagen. The owner told me it was utter rubbish. Clearly he didn’t know what it was.” Lily laughed, “In fact, he sold it to me for a song.”

“What was a potions book like this doing in a muggle shop?”

Lily shrugged. “Who knows. I’m just glad you like it. I was afraid you mightn’t – the potions are so antiquated.”

“It might be the best gift I’ve ever gotten. Age doesn’t matter when it comes to potion formulas. Some of the best are the ones people have been making for centuries. Maybe we can even try brewing a few of these ourselves when we get back to Hogwarts.” Severus’ face was full of excitement when he looked up at her.

“Definitely!”

Leaning back on the dark blue blanket beneath her Lily watched happily as Severus rapturously thumbed through the volume. The truth was, Lily had spent the entire trip looking for the perfect gift for Severus, as a way of letting him know she truly had forgiven him. But everything had seemed too kitschy or cheap, not at all appropriate for telling your best friend you were glad he had finally pulled his head out of his arse. Then the last day of the trip Petunia had drug them all into an antiques shop so she could haggle over the world’s ugliest bowl. Wandering through the aisles Lily had found the ancient potions book buried in a box of old sheet music.

Severus closed the book and turned to look at her. “Thank you, Lily.”

“You’re welcome. So, how was your week?”

Severus returned her earlier shrug. “You know...”

“Is everything alright at yours?”

“It’s the same as it always is.”

“Sev, you promised. No more secrets.”

Severus pulled his eyes away from Lily’s, looking in the opposite direction. He had known that promise would come back to haunt him. She was so happy he didn’t want to ruin it by telling her about the situation at his house.

“Sev.”

“My mum and father had a row.”

Lily sat up and moved so she was looking directly at him. “Is that all?”

The green eyes met the black with such intensity Severus knew it was inevitable he would give in. So taking a deep breath he launched into the drama that was the last week of his life. Somehow he couldn’t bring himself to tell her the full extent of the fight or what his mother had shouted at him afterward. He knew he was breaking his word to Lily, but betraying his mother didn’t feel right either.

“Is your mum alright now?”

“I think so.”

“And where’s your father?”

“Don’t know and don’t care.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do. I hope he never comes back!” The second the words were out of his mouth he wished them back again. He had never meant to tell that to anyone, least of all Lily who loved and trusted her parents completely and couldn’t possibly understand what it was like to not feel that way.

He looked at her, afraid she would be angry at his outburst. To his surprise, she didn’t look angry at all, indeed she looked like she wanted to cry. Severus jerked his head around so he was no longer looking at her. Seeing Lily cry for him was more than he could bear.

“I wish I could fix it,” choked Lily.

“You can’t.”

“I know.”

Suddenly Severus felt two arms steal around him and pull him close. Tentatively he raised his own arms and wrapped them around this girl he loved so much. He could feel her hands gently running up and down his back. He rested his head against hers, closed his eyes and drank in the smell of jasmine and spring air, scents that were uniquely Lily. This was the first time they had hugged in years and he was overwhelmed by the sensation.

Lily clasped her best friend tightly, hoping to siphon off some of his hurt and anger. Why had she gone so long without doing this? It was a question she couldn’t answer at the moment. Instead she whispered, “It’ll be all right.”

Severus gave a wry laugh and pulled back from her. “I thought we weren’t supposed to lie to each other.”

Lily’s arms felt strangely empty now he was no longer in them. She chose not to dwell on that but said to him with conviction, “It will be. Maybe not right now, but someday.”

He looked at her doubtfully.

“Really, I promise. In the meantime, I have some news that might cheer you up.”

“And what might that be?”

“As you know May and Crispin’s parents aren’t returning until September.”

“How is that supposed to cheer me up?”

“Well, it just so happens the Halls have season tickets for Manchester United so Cris thought we might like to use Mr. and Mrs. Hall’s spare tickets for the season opener.”

Severus’ eyes lit up. “Really?”

“Uh hmm. I took the liberty of accepting for you.” For a minute, Lily was silent and then she asked a question that had been puzzling her since the dinner party. “Sev, how do you know so much about football?”

Severus shrugged his shoulders. “I suppose – well, my father was a good football player when he was younger so he likes to talk about it. No matter what, he’s in a good mood when he listens to a match, especially if his club wins. And he always seems to want me around when a match is on so I’ve learned a lot. He even taught me to play.”

“You can play football?”

“Yes, but not well, not like him. I think he hoped I would be good enough to play professionally, maybe make up for the fact he didn’t.” Severus laughed dryly. “No chance of that happening. But still – I guess it’s one of the few things we have in common. My mother says the only things I got from my father were a sweet tooth and a love of football. Both of which she wishes I would lose.”

Severus didn’t want to say it, but football was the only bond he and his father had, and as a matter of fact, almost all of the good memories he had of his father involved the two of them sitting in front of the radio cheering for Man U. Severus had tried very hard to be a good footballer, hoping it would cause his father to feel some affection for him. Unfortunately he didn’t possess the skill to pull it off, something, it seemed, his father couldn’t forgive him for. But early on, Severus had found he could calm his father out of a temper by asking him a football question so Severus had clung to football and in the process had grown to love the game.

“It’s good you two share something, right?” Asked Lily hopefully.

“I suppose.”

“He won’t be angry if you go to a match, will he?”

Severus laughed, “Not likely.”

“Good, then Cris says we’ll pick you up Saturday at your house.”

“Maybe it would be better if I just met you all at your house that way he doesn’t have to go out of his way to collect me.”

Lily assumed Severus didn’t want Crispin to see where he lived. It also avoided the possibility Mr. and Mrs. Snape might be in a less then amiable mood. Lily quickly agreed and told Severus to come over early Saturday morning as May wanted to make a day of it. The two then settled down for a nice long perusal of Severus’ new book.

Severus was woken Saturday morning by the sounds coming from his parent’s room. He groaned and rolled over, trying to block the noises out. Tobias had been gone four whole days this time, late last night he had returned, dead sober and with news of a promotion, a dozen roses and a necklace for his wife. Eileen had kissed him right there in the sitting room, all memories of the fight forgotten. The two had then gone upstairs and reconciled very loudly, much to their son’s disgust. Across the hall, the old iron bed started to moan in protest. This was outside of enough. Severus quickly gathered his things, went into the bathroom and turned the water on full blast. It wasn’t quite loud enough to keep him from hearing the sounds his mother was making, but it did muffle them significantly.

One would think he would be used to this pattern by now. Every time his parents had a terrific row Tobias would disappear for several days only to return with a gift, which would inevitably gain him forgiveness. The peace would last for a fortnight or so, then there would be weeks of silent glaring, which would quickly degenerate into screaming matches that could last for months. Until the inevitable happened Severus would be forced to listen to his parents “make up”.

He scrubbed away at his body and hair, trying to spend as much time in the shower as possible. There was a fine art to showering in the Snape household during the forgiveness period. At a young age, Severus has discovered if he timed his shower just right then he would miss most of the moans and groans and yet not get yelled at for wasting too much water. Silently he counted down in his head. Having reached the appropriate number he turned the water off. No good, they were still going at it and louder than ever. ‘Must have been an expensive necklace’ he thought as he brushed his hair and teeth.

He pulled on his clothes and went to his bedroom to gather up his socks and boots. On top of the chest of drawers was the wad of pound notes his father had given him the night before. He pealed several of the notes off and hid the rest beneath the loose floorboard under his bed.

He glanced at the door to his parent’s room as he exited his own. The noise seemed to have died down. Perhaps he should risk knocking and letting his mum know he would be gone for the day. A loud shriek followed by a quick groan made him decide against that.

“Disgusting,” he muttered as he stomped down the stairs.

In the kitchen, he rummaged through a drawer looking for a pen and paper so he could leave his mum a note. Having found both items he contemplated for a moment how much detail to include in the note, but the growing crescendo above was threatening to break his last nerve. So he hastily scribbled he was off to Manchester to spend the day with some friends and would be home later.

He took a hunk of cheese from the refrigerator and trimmed the mold from it. There wasn’t much left when he was finished certainly not enough to be filling. Maybe there was something left in the breadbox; looking, he discovered that sure enough the box contained the heel of a loaf. He wasn’t sure how old it was but still, it was better than nothing. Severus walked away from the house particularly grateful he wouldn’t be spending the day there. Knowing he had quite a lot of time to kill before he was supposed to be at Lily’s he walked slowly, eating the cheese as he went. Thankfully it quelled most of his hunger pangs, there had been no supper or lunch the the day before. He started in on the bread only to find that it was rock hard and impossible to eat. He threw it into a nearby bush sure an animal would find it sooner or later. Who knew, maybe the promotion meant they would actually have some decent food for a change. That was, if Tobias was telling the truth about the rise in pay.

A man on the end of the street was just turning on his sprinkler when Severus rounded the corner into Lily’s neighbourhood. He eyed Severus as the dark haired boy strolled past, as if waiting for him to run amok and start killing people. Severus walked up the path to the Evans’ house and rang the bell. While waiting for it to be answered he looked back towards the corner; yes, the man was still watching him. As if he would ring the bell if he were up to anything despicable!

“Idiot,” he murmured under his breath just as Violet Evans opened the door.

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

“Oh, nothing Mrs...” Seeing the look she gave him, he quickly changed tack, “Violet.”

“Well come in then,” she ushered him inside with a smile and shut the door. “Lily is still upstairs getting ready.”

“I’m sorry, I guess I’m early. I can wait outside if you’d like.”

“Don’t be silly. Come to the kitchen and have some breakfast.”

“Thank you, but I’m not all that hungry.” At that moment, Severus’ stomach gave a growl so loud surely it had been heard in London.

Severus shifted nervously, embarrassed to have been caught in the lie. But Violet merely smiled and said, “nonsense, I know for a fact that young men are always hungry,” she shooed him towards the door at the end of the passageway. “Daniel is already in here, I know he would like the company and there’s more than enough.”

Severus entered the kitchen and saw Mr. Evans buried behind the morning paper, so the company part seemed a little far-fetched. As for Violet’s assertion there was more than enough food that appeared to be a gross understatement. The table was so laden with bowls and platters he couldn’t even see the surface. Severus’ stomach gave another rumble as he sat down at the spot Mrs. Evans indicated. Violet put a glass of milk and utensils in front of him and then turned her attention to filling plates.

“Darling, Severus is here,” she said as she took a mound of freshly cooked bacon from the pan on the stove.

Mr. Evan’s folded his paper and smiled at his daughter’s friend. “Good morning, Severus. I was just reading what the local sports commentator had to say about our club.” He beamed at his wife as she put an overflowing plate down on the mat at his place.

“What is he predicting?”

“Seems to think we’ll have a tough time of it this year.”

“But we were top of the league last year!”

“Only in the Second Division as he so kindly reminded his faithful readers.”

Severus scoffed. “Obviously the man’s a dunderhead.”

Mr. Evans gave a boisterous laugh. “I always knew I liked you!”

“Now Daniel, let the poor boy eat. Really, Severus, you look like you’re wasting away to nothing!” Violet placed a heavily filled dish in front of him.

Severus looked at the plate in awe. Surely Mrs. Evans didn’t expect him to eat all this!

“And no more football talk at the breakfast table. As a matter of fact, I think no more football talk until the children get back tonight. I’m sure you will have more than enough to discuss then.”

Mr. Evans opened his mouth to protest but a sharp look from his wife caused him to snap it shut again.

“Certainly dear,” he said jovially, but under his breath he added “Personally I think we have today’s match in the bag.” With a wink at Severus he picked up a piece of bacon and went back to the sanctuary of his paper, where he could get all the football he wanted.

Severus felt Mrs. Evans eyes watching him from the stove so he took up his fork and applied himself to the task of emptying his plate. He hadn’t felt like he had made much headway when the door swung open and Petunia walked in

“Good morning, mum,” she said, her back facing the table.

“What would you like to eat this morning, dear?”

“Just half a grapefruit please.” Turning, Petunia caught sight of the table’s occupants. “What is _he_ doing here?”

Severus heard Daniel sigh from behind his paper.

Mrs. Evans gently replied. “Severus is here to meet your sister.”

“Can’t he wait somewhere else?”

Severus could feel his temper rising. He didn’t care if Petunia didn’t like him, because frankly he didn’t like her. But to talk about him as if he weren’t there was pushing it.

“No, he can wait right here and don’t talk about Sev as if he weren’t sitting right in front of you,” Lily retorted.

Like everyone else, Petunia clearly hadn’t heard Lily enter the room.

“Humph.” Petunia glared at her sister, who returned her gaze unflinchingly.

“Girls, sit down and eat your breakfast.”

“Actually, I don’t think I’m hungry after all,” was Petunia’s haughty reply.

“Petunia, sit down!” her mother commanded.

Petunia quickly sat in a chair, glaring at Severus as if the entire incident was his fault and not her own. Lily slid into the seat next to her best friend. Leaning over she whispered, “Sorry about Tuney.”

Severus felt a shiver run down his back as her breath caressed his ear. “No need for you to apologize,” he whispered back.

Lily gave him a small smile and served herself some eggs out of one of the many bowls scattered on the table. For several minutes the only sound in the kitchen was the scraping of cutlery on dishes. The air was tight with tension – not the atmosphere one usually associated with the Evans’ house. The strain was only lifted when the group heard the ringing of the doorbell.

“That should be May and Cris,” said Lily rising.

The three remaining people watched her go. From the hallway came the sound of voices followed by a deep laugh. Instantly Petunia’s demeanour changed, the sour expression she had worn since seeing Severus softened and a smile appeared on her lips. Shakily she smoothed her hair back. When the door swung open she started to rise, but it was her sister and not Crispin Hall who entered. Petunia immediately dropped back into her seat.

“Sev, Cris says he wants to leave as soon as possible.”

“All right,” he said, wiping his mouth on a napkin and pushing his chair back from the table.

“Now Severus, you haven’t finished eating,” Mrs. Evans chided.

Severus was pretty sure it would be lunch before he was finished eating all the food Violet had put in front of him. “It’s fine, Violet. I honestly don’t think I could eat anymore.”

Mrs. Evans looked at him doubtfully, apparently under the impression sixteen-year-old boys were never full.

“If you’re sure. Then go ahead. I hope you have a nice time.”

“Thanks, mum, I’m sure we will,” said Lily leaning over to kiss her mother on the cheek.

“Thank you for breakfast ,Violet.”

“It was no problem, dear.”

Mr. Evans put down his paper long enough to give his daughter a kiss and tell Severus he expected a full report on the match when the group returned.

As the twosome was walking through the door they heard Mrs. Evans call: “Tell Cris to drive carefully …Petunia, I don’t think you have to go, after all they…”

“Where’s May?” Lily called to Crispin, who was standing just inside the door looking at the painting hanging there.

“In the loo. You know, I never have understood this…” He gestured to the blue streaks painted on a white canvass.

“Oh, Dad bought from a friend who was having money problems.”

“Hmmm…” the scarlet-clad man turned, still looking a little puzzled. “Glad you agreed to come today Severus.”

“Thanks for inviting me.”

“Believe me, the pleasure is entirely mine.”

“What does that mean?” asked Lily.

“It means it will be good to have someone who actually understands the game to talk to for a change. Last time I took May she didn’t even know what a red card was,” and he rolled his blue eyes in apparent aggravation.

“A red card is some kind of penalty,” May retorted, coming down the stairs.

“And what happens when you get one, little sister?”

“Beats me.”

The two men groaned. “See what I mean? Trust me, mate, you are saving me from a very frustrating day.”

May laughed and led the way out of the house. “Lily, did I tell you Alex invited me to his parent’s estate next weekend?”

“Lord Alexander, son of the Marquess of Barrington? Is this’ just because’ or is it for some kind of special occasion?” Lily asked sliding into the back seat of the town car Crispin was driving that day.

“It’s his parents’ Silver wedding and they’re having a dinner,” said May excitedly, getting in next to Lily.

The two young men climbed into the front seat. Crispin turned on the ignition and backed down the drive while the girls carried on with their conversation in the back seat.

“And he invited you?”

“Yes. Isn’t it great! I’m hoping I can find a gown in Manchester today because Cris absolutely refuses to take me to London to get one.”

“That’s right. If you think I am driving all the way to London and spending the entire day in the shops just so you can get a frock you will wear once, then you are mental.”

“And what, pray tell, is the difference today?”

“You don’t really think we’re going to the shops with you do you? Severus and I will drop you two off and then go to pub or something. Sound good to you, mate? I mean, unless you fancy sitting around and holding purses and packages while this lot try on every dress in the city.”

“Definitely not.”

“See, all settled. You go to the shops, we’ll go to the pub and everyone is happy. Except Petunia, who is of course angry she didn’t get to go. But as she’s not here, that hardly affects us.”

“You didn’t tell me Petunia wanted to go,” May admonished her brother.

“Didn’t I?”

“No.”

“I could have sworn I told someone.”

“You told me,” Lily chimed in. “You said Tuney tried to talk you into using one of the tickets after you’d already invited me and Sev and I said I wasn’t going if May wasn’t,” declared Lily.

“That’s right, and I told Petunia I was fairly certain if Lily didn’t go then Severus probably wouldn’t. And since he was the only one of you lot I actually wanted to come, it was a no-go for her. Hope it’s okay I made that assumption,” said Crispin looking at his passenger.

Severus was a little thrown by what he had just heard. He had simply assumed Crispin had asked Lily to the match and she had in turn requested her friend be allowed to tag along. Now it seemed as if he was the reason Lily was there.

“No, you were right.”

“I should also apologize for not ringing and inviting you myself. I did ask Lily for your number but she wouldn’t give it out.”

“I didn’t think I should without your permission, Sev,” Lily offered from over his shoulder.

He twisted around to look at her “Thank you.”

The four passed the drive to Manchester talking about Lily’s trip to Denmark and the Halls’ time in the country. When they reached the city Crispin navigated his way onto Deansgate where he dropped the girls off in front of Kendals Department Store, before heading to the nearest pub. The two young men sat at a table right at the front so they would see the girls as soon as they came in. Over sandwiches and several pints of beer, they rehashed the relegation of ‘74 and the victorious season that was allowing them to return to the First Division. They discussed every player for the last twenty years in every club possible and yet the girls still hadn’t appeared. Finally, the decision was made to go and look for them, or else they risked missing the match, which was not acceptable to Crispin. Standing, he threw some notes on the table and prepared to leave.

“How much do I owe you?” Severus asked, reaching into his pocket for his own money.

“Don’t worry about it,” breezed Crispin, then seeing the look on the younger man’s face he added “You can pay next time.”

“Where do we start?” queried Severus looking up and down the road after exiting the pub. If they had to look in every one of these shops they would be lucky if they found Lily and May sometime next week, forget about in time for the game.

“If I know my sister they’re in some little boutique on King’s Street. So let’s start there and if worse comes to worst we’ll collect them after the match.”

Severus wasn’t keen on that idea, so finding Lily was imperative for him. Four shops down the road the woman at the till said the two girls had left about fifteen minutes earlier and had mentioned they were going down the way to get shoes. Crispin walked purposefully down the street, glancing into windows as he went. Suddenly he pulled up short and opened the door of an elegant looking atelier. Inside, May was sitting on a plush chair facing a grey silk curtain.

“I see you have a frock,” her brother said coming up behind her and eyeing the bag draped across the arm of the chair.

“Indeed.”

“Then why, may I ask, are you sitting here when we have a football match to go to?”

“Oh, really Cris! We’ll just be a few more moments. I found the most amazing cocktail dress for Lily.” Raising her voice slightly, she called “And if only she would get out here and let me see, then we could all be on our merry way.”

“I don’t know, May,” came a cautious voice from behind the thin barrier.

“Just come out here, Lily!” called Crispin impatiently.

The curtain shifted and Lily stepped out shyly. She was wearing an emerald green sheath with a wide jewel neckline.

“It looks lovely on you,” said May rising from her seat.

“Looks like every other frock in the world,” bit off Crispin.

“Hmm. Turn around and let me see the back.”

Lily flushed red but obediently pivoted. For a moment Severus was sure he had stopped breathing. The back of the dress dipped down in a deep scoop to slightly below the girl’s waist making it clear she was wearing nothing underneath it.

“I take it back. That is a bloody great frock!” exclaimed Cris.

Lily turned and looked at the two men; there was a tentative, almost flirtatious smile playing on her lips. Severus felt his cheeks flush as she caught his eye and raised a questioning eyebrow. Finding he was unable to speak, he merely nodded his head in approval. Pivoting around again she eyed herself in the mirror smoothing down the gown with her hands.

She bit her lip, clearly torn. “I don’t know May, it is slightly risqué.”

May laughed. “That’s what makes it so great!”

“I have no-where to wear it.”

“That gown is a classic. You could wear it twenty years from now.”

“Hmm.” Lily continued to turn in front of the mirror.

Severus could tell she desperately wanted the frock but was trying to talk herself out of it.

“Could we make some kind of a decision so we can get out of here and make it to the match on time?” Crispin snapped, gazing at his watch.

Clearly, he was over any fascination that might have been caused by the sight of Lily’s naked back. Suddenly Severus found he liked Crispin much more than he had even five seconds earlier –  though how any man could take his eyes off of Lily at this point, he wasn’t sure. It was something he certainly wasn’t capable of.

“I’m going to pass. Let me just pop into the fitting room and change,” said Lily, taking one last longing look at herself in the mirror.

Her hips swished enticingly as she disappeared behind the curtain. Much more of this and Severus was going to need to be alone for a while. May watched her friend pull the length of silk closed behind her. Contemplatively she crossed back to the chair, then she instantly changed direction and walked to the sales counter.

“We’ll take the green one. Please ring it up,” she said to the startled shop girl standing there

“Of course, Madam.” The blond haired girl crossed to the room and slid her hand behind the curtain for the garment.

A few moments later Lily emerged from behind the drape attired in her jeans and shirt. She watched as the clerk put the gown into a long bag and handed it to her.

“May…”

“Hush, let me buy you a gift.”

Lily opened her mouth but was promptly cut off by Cris, “Is it possible for the two of you to walk and argue? The match is starting in an hour.”

“Of course it is. But there isn’t going to be an argument. I bought Lily a frock, she’ll accept it and the four of us will go to the football match.” And taking her brother’s arm in hers, May steered him out the door.

Lily sighed and looked at the bag slung over her arm. Shaking her head, she joined the siblings outside, followed closely by Severus. Crispin practically ran to the car and then drove recklessly to Old Trafford. He only relaxed when the foursome was seated in the stadium. Lily was still arguing with May about the suitability of accepting such an expensive gift.

Personally Severus couldn’t decide if he thought she should keep the dress or not. If other men were going to see her in it then his answer was a resounding no. But he also couldn’t deny he wanted to see Lily’s creamy skin in the green frock again. The whole idea was definitely arousing, one he should not be thinking about in a public place. Besides, it wasn’t as if she could wear it at school so that prat Potter would never get to enjoy the view he had.

For a while, Severus tried to follow both the match and the conversation. Eventually he gave up listening to the girls, as neither party seemed willing to give way. Instead he turned his full attention over to the match; after all he could always ask Lily about the dress later. It turned out he didn’t need to. At the end of the first half May announced victoriously Lily had agreed to keep the gift.

Lily had ultimately acquiesced because she was so much more interested in watching Severus than in arguing with May. Lily had never seen her best friend so excited. It was an amazing transformation to behold, he was more open than she had ever seen him, laughing and talking easily with Cris. Lily felt a warmth spread through her: this was the Severus she had always know was buried in there somewhere. The Severus she wished could always be, and probably would have been if he had been raised in a happy, loving home. She was incredibly glad she had gone to talk to him, that she hadn’t followed her first impulse and cut him out of her life completely, because she wouldn’t have wanted to have missed this moment for anything. Impulsively she reached out and took his slender hand in her own, giving it a gentle squeeze. Startled, he pulled his eyes away from the pitch, where the match had resumed, and looked down at the two interlocked hands. Then he gazed questioningly at the girl sitting next to him.

“I’m glad you’re my best friend,” she said.

“And I’m glad you’re mine,” he returned with a tender smile.

He desperately wanted to raise the white hand to his lips and kiss it. But before he could give in to the impulse she had given his hand another quick squeeze and released it. Quickly she became engrossed in the match.

For several minutes Severus could feel the lingering warmth and pressure of her fingers on his. He was beginning to suspect more had changed the night of the talk than he had realized at the time. What it was, he couldn’t quite figure out. He did know Lily’s expectations of him were much higher now. That idea terrified him because he wasn’t sure what these new expectations were or if he could live up to them. One thing was certain: he was going to do his best to be the person she wanted him to be because there was no way in hell he was going to risk losing her again.

Crispin’s voice unexpectedly cut through his reverie “Mate, don’t look so tense, we’re winning! What have you got to worry about?”

Severus smiled. Cris was right; he was sitting with the girl he loved, watching his club play a great match. And he thought maybe he had made a friend today, one whose company he enjoyed and whom Lily approved of. So what did he have to worry about? For this one moment the answer appeared to be nothing. Rising to his feet with the rest of United’s fans he helped cheer the club onto victory, feeling more content than he had in a long time.

Later that afternoon the black town car pulled back into the Evans’ drive. The foursome scrambled out, still talking animatedly about a spectacular save made by Man U’s goalkeeper. The girls collected their numerous packages from the boot of the car and wandered upstairs in search of Mrs. Evans while the two boys went out back to give Mr. Evans the play by play.

Lily and May found Mrs. Evans in her room, dusting. May eagerly pulled out her gown and modelled it for her friend’s mother, all the while wondering out loud what sort of shoes to wear and how she should do her hair. Violet was amused by the amount of effort May was putting into the outfit for this dinner. It was clear to her the girl fancied Alex very much. For a fleeting moment, she wondered if May had told her mother she was invited to dinner at the house of a marquess. Somehow Violet doubted it. Otherwise May would be showing the frock to her mother, which was really how it should be.

But Victoria Hall never seemed to have much time for either of her children. To Violet it seemed as if the Halls viewed their children as nothing more than tools to help them climb the social ladder. So, when May had a concern or needed advice she turned, just as her elder brother did, to Mrs. Evans. Violet often felt as if she had five children as opposed to two; well, maybe four and a half. She doubted if Severus ever really confided in anyone, but it was obvious to her the boy was badly hurt and in need of love and affection, so she did her best to give those to him, even if he didn’t always accept it.

Glancing at the clock, she was surprised to see how long she and the girls had been chattering for.

“Heavens, if we’re going to eat tonight, I better get started. May, I assume you and Cris will be staying?”

“If it’s not too much trouble.”

“Not at all, dear. Lily, do you think Severus will also be joining us?”

“Most likely. It could take him and Cris hours to analyse the entire match with dad.”

“All right then.” Mrs. Evans bustled down the stairs wondering what to feed four hungry teenagers who probably hadn’t eaten anything decent since breakfast. Entering the kitchen, she saw her husband standing at the refrigerator.

“What are you doing?” she queried peering at him from over the top of the open door.

“Getting some drinks for the boys and me. Didn’t we have lemonade, or am I mistaken?”

“Petunia finished the last of it this afternoon, before she went out.”

“Hmm, I suppose we can have some beers,” he said while shutting the door.

“Daniel, I don’t know if you should be giving Severus alcohol.”

“Vi, the boy’s sixteen, plenty old enough to drink in a pub. Besides, judging by how his father drinks, he must have access to worse.”

“My point entirely. He needs a good role model.”

“And you think it should be me?”

“He doesn’t appear to have anyone else.”

“You might have a point. By the way, did I tell you I saw Tobias Snape at the pub the other night?”

“No, you didn’t,” said Violet opening up the refrigerator and pulling out a roast.

“Yes, he was going on and on about winning a tidy sum on a race. Drunk as a lord, he was.”

Violet sighed. “That poor boy. Sometimes I wonder how he gets through it.”

“Will of iron.”

“He shouldn’t have to have one at his age.”

“No, probably not. But there’s really not much we can do except treat him well when he’s here.”

“And we _do_ do that, but it just doesn’t seem like enough.”

“It’s better than nothing. And it must be having some kind of effect, because he seems to be changing.”

“I had noticed that as well. He certainly doesn’t seem as sullen lately, does he?”

“No, he does appear to be more contented. And he seems to be a little more open with us, though he’s still not a trusting soul. Which is hardly surprising, given his situation at home, but perhaps things are getting better there.”

“I strongly doubt that,” Violet grimaced. She wasn’t sure, of course, but she had a sneaking suspicion Mr. Snape hit his son on occasion.

Daniel beamed at his wife. “You should have seen him down at the shop. Who knew Severus was such a football fan? I honestly don’t think I have ever seen him smile so much. Though I do have to wonder if this change might be more of our daughter’s doing than yours and mine.”

“I think that would be a safe assumption to make.”

“She does have an incredible amount of influence over him.”

Violet laughed. “That’s because he fancies her so much.”

“And what about Lily, does she fancy her best friend?”

“I think she might, she just doesn’t realize it yet.”

Daniel groaned. “Perfect. Maybe we shouldn’t let them spend so much time together.”

“I don’t think that would be possible. Besides, weren’t you the one that has always believed Lily and Severus would end up together sooner or later?”

“Yes, but I would just as soon it be later, when they’re older, out of school, with decent jobs and some prospects, not when they’re sixteen.”

“What’s wrong with them being together at sixteen?”

“They’re too young to know what they want right now.”

“I seem to recall you knew you were in love with me at sixteen.”

“That was different.”

“Oh really?”

“Vi, times were different when we were young.”

“How so?”

“Well, for one thing, we lived through a war, in case you had forgotten.”

“No, I remember quite well,” said Violet with a shudder. “And that’s beside the point.”

“Is it? We grew up thinking we could die at any moment, so we knew you had to grab your happiness while you could.”

“So being in love at sixteen is only acceptable if you’ve lived through a war?”

“Yes…No…I don’t know.”

“I think you might be losing ground here, darling. But just for argument’s sake, what would be an acceptable age for them to be in love according to you?”

“I don’t know…fifty?”

Violet burst out laughing. “I don’t think they’ll be willing to wait that long.”

“Well they should be!”

“Come now, would you have waited that long for me?”

“No,” he responded grudgingly. “But what has that got to do with anything?”

“Oh Daniel, they’re just like us. Best friends growing up, always doing everything together. Severus and Lily are like two halves of a whole. They round each other out.” Violet looked at her husband who still had a look of worry on his face. “If it’s any consolation to you, I don’t think they’ve figured it out yet. Or at least Lily hasn’t. It’s clear to me Severus knows exactly how he feels about her.”

“I guess it’s good he has so much self-control then.”

“That _is_ a quality he seems to have in abundance. Though I don’t think that’s what keeps him from telling her how he feels.”

“Then what does?”

“Fear of rejection. I honestly don’t think he’ll say a thing to Lily until he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that she fancies him. So ultimately Lily holds all the cards in their relationship.

“You know, I really am surprised at you, Daniel. I thought this was what you wanted. I thought you thought Severus was a good boy, a little brooding but still nice. Now here we are on the brink and you’ve changed your mind.”

“I haven’t. Don’t misunderstand me ,Violet, I’m not saying I don’t like the boy, because I do, quite a bit actually. I just worry. They’re both such intense people and I fear they might rush into a serious relationship before they’re fully prepared for it. They both have such incredible potential. Have you ever listened to one of their conversations? I haven’t the foggiest idea of what they’re on about half the time. And I would hate to see them throw everything away because they can’t wait to take things further.”

“I think Lily and Severus are both smart enough not to go too far too fast. And as I mentioned they’re not together romantically yet. In fact, I was starting to wonder if it would happen at all. From what I inferred from Lily’s letters this year it almost seemed as if they were growing apart.”

“I noticed that myself. Did you think it was strange his mother collected him from King’s Cross?”

“Yes, especially since she’s never done it before. And somehow I don’t believe there was a family emergency. Not when he was back the next day.”

“Hmm, and Lily avoided any mention of him that first day. Do you think they had a row?”

“They must have.”

“I wonder what it was about?”

“Who knows? Whatever it was, they appear to have worked past it. At least if we are to judge by the amount of time they have been spending together this summer.”

There was a few minutes silence as Violet began chopping vegetables. Suddenly she chuckled “Do you remember that huge row we had when I was seventeen? I didn’t think I’d ever forgive you.”

“I remember and I am eternally grateful you did.” Daniel crossed the kitchen and wrapped his arms around his wife. “I also remember how we made it up and that’s what scares me. You don’t think Lily and Severus have…?”

Violet put the knife down and leaned back against her husband, resting her arms on top of his. “Daniel, I doubt they’ve even kissed, let alone made love.”

“God, I hope not. And I’m not just being an overprotective father here.” Violet turned in her husband’s arms and quirked an eyebrow at him. “All right, maybe I am. But you have to admit a baby would ruin both their lives at this point.”

“I agree. And once again, I don’t think that will happen. We are talking about two very smart and responsible individuals here. All the same, maybe it’s time I sat Lily down and talked with her about a young lady’s role in a relationship.”

“Don’t you think that will just give her ideas?”

“Oh Daniel, it’s not the dark ages! And I can assure you, having once been sixteen myself, she probably already has ideas.”

“I did not need to hear that! Maybe we should just leave well enough alone. After all, you did say there was nothing but friendship between them at the moment.”

“There isn’t. But I have the feeling things will go rather quickly once they get started down that road. And Lily really is old enough to have the talk anyway, whether or not it applies to Severus. Speaking of which, perhaps you should talk to him.”

“And say what? I think you’re a great chap and I hope one day I can call you son, but for now keep your hands off my daughter? I don’t think that will go down so well.”

“Not if you put it like that it won’t.”

“And what would _you_ suggest?”

“I don’t know. What did your father say to you or were you too young when he passed on to have gotten the talk yet?”

Violet was surprised to see her husband blushing. After all these years she didn’t think there was anything he would be embarrassed to tell her. Daniel unwrapped his arms from his wife and took several steps back until he was leaning against the far counter. “Truthfully, one day he came into my room, tossed me a package of French letters and told me not to get anyone sprogged up.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes.”

“Well that wasn’t very responsible.”

“No, and I am definitely not doing that with Severus. Violet, I’m not even sure if it’s appropriate for me to be talking to him about this subject at all. He does have a father for this sort of thing.”

“Do you really think that drunk is going to speak to his son about such a delicate topic?”

“No, not in any informative way.”

“Well then either you do it or he gets all his information from the boys he goes to school with and we know how reliable that is.”

“You never wanted me to do this with Cris.”

“Actually, I think it would be a good idea if you did talk to Cris. Heaven knows his father’s never around to do it, and he told me the other day he and Honoria are having problems.”

“What kind of problems?”

“He saw her with another man problems.”

“Whew, that _is_ tough.”

“I know. Apparently she’s desperate to have Cris back and he’s decided he’s willing to give her another chance.”

“Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“Not particularly, but he loves her and can’t imagine a life without her.”

“And why does this mean I need to talk to Cris about being intimate with a woman?”

“I can’t help but think Honoria seems like the kind of girl who would get pregnant on purpose.”

“And Cris is just the sort of unquestioning soul girls like to trap into marriage.”

“Unfortunately. So if you were to talk to Cris and Severus at the same time then they would both be informed and it wouldn’t seem like you were singling one out. In fact, I think I might talk to May when I talk to Lily since she is so interested in Alexander.”

“Won’t her mother be happy about that?”

“Hmm,” murmured Violet disapprovingly.

“I feel the same way. Those children shouldn’t be used as pawns in their parents’ quest for social glory. But we can’t change the Halls any more than we can change the Snapes.”

“I just want them all to be happy, Daniel.”

“I know, that’s what makes you such a great mum, to all our children.”

“I do try.”

“And you do it well.”

Violet smiled adoringly up at her husband. “Thank you, Love. You’re a pretty great father yourself. So, talk to our boys.”

“Consider it done.” Daniel held his wife a little tighter and whispered, “Have I told you today I’m glad you’re my wife?”

“No, not today.”

“Well, allow me to rectify that,” Daniel said, leaning down to kiss the woman in his arms.

Outside, Severus turned on his heel and walked back to the workshop, feeling as if his whole world had been turned upside down in the space of ten minutes. He hadn’t meant to spy, he had only gone up to the house to see what was taking Mr. Evans so long. Severus had once heard it said eavesdroppers never heard good of themselves, but that was not the case today. He couldn’t believe Daniel and Violet thought so highly of him, that they evidently thought of him as a son.  And the fact that they thought he and Lily belonged together was both completely mind-bending and incredibly comforting.

Simultaneously, Lily wandered down the hall, away from the kitchen and into the lounge, wondering what it was she was failing to see in her relationship with Severus that everyone else could.

 


	9. The Passing of Mr. Evans

A week later, Severus was lying on his bed studying his potions book, sure there was a quicker, easier way to make the Draught of Peace than the way Borage instructed, when downstairs the phone began to ring. He paused, the quill in his hand hovering just over the page and listened: one, two, three rings. Not Lily. He resumed his scribbling. He had barely written a word when Tobias bellowed the phone was for him. Severus dropped the book and quill down next to him, spattering ink over the coverlet.

He wondered who could be ringing him. Nobody had this number but Lily and she always used the code. Then he remembered giving Crispin his number and telling him to phone anytime he wanted to. So maybe it was Cris, ringing to discuss the latest football match. Severus walked into the kitchen and picked the receiver up off the dingy counter. “Hello.”

The person on the other end of the line remained silent.

“Hello. Is anyone there?” Severus was definitely not amused by the idea of a prank call.

“Sev.” The voice on the other end of the line was constricted, almost unrecognisable.

“Lily, is that you?”

“Can you come over?”

“Lily, is something wrong?” A sob came through the line. Severus was starting to worry. “Lily…Lil.”

“My dad. He’s…Sev, please…please, I need you.” Any control Lily might have had was gone. The only thing Severus could hear now was heartrending sobs.

“I’m on my way!” He wasn’t sure Lily had heard him, but he wasn’t about to stay on the line and find out. He hastily hung up the phone, and was thankful he had left his shoes on after getting home from the park earlier in the day. He rushed to the foot of the stairs and yelled, “Mum, I’m going out! I’ll be back later!”

He heard a muffled response but was unable to suss out what his mother had said. Figuring it didn’t really matter, he swiftly left the house. Once outside, he began to run. Severus was completely panicked, he had never heard Lily cry like that nor had she ever said she needed him. Clearly whatever had happened to Mr. Evans was not good. Severus really wished he could apparate but he hadn’t had lessons yet and would probably end up splinching himself, not to mention the trouble he’d get into with the Ministry. Cursing his lack of ability he ran faster, flying by two children in the play park. For once, he was glad his father had pushed him to kick around a football for so many years, because when he reached the door of the Evans’ house he was barely winded.

He raised his hand and knocked on the door. For several minutes, he stood there, impatiently waiting for someone to answer. But no one came; in fact, he couldn’t make out a single sound coming from inside the house. Remembering Mrs. Evans had always told him to just come in and not bother knocking, he resolutely turned the handle and marched into the foyer.

The house was unnaturally quiet, the hallway shrouded in darkness. Was anyone even here? Severus looked in the lounge and the dining room, both of which were as dark and empty as the hall had been. Hoping to have better luck in the kitchen, he pushed open the swinging door but Violet was nowhere near the stove, which was strange since it was almost dinnertime. He slowly mounted the steps. When he reached the first floor, he thought he heard a faint sound coming from Petunia’s room down the hall. He chose to ignore that and instead, gently knocked on Lily’s door, not even pausing before he pushed it open.

“Lily?”

Lily was sitting on the bed, arms wrapped around the pillow balled in her lap, staring at nothing.

“What’s wrong?”

At the sound of her best friend’s voice the girl turned her head, a single tear slipped down her ghostly white cheek. Severus crossed the room and knelt in front of her.

“Lily, please talk to me,” he begged.

“My Dad…” Lily shook her head as if unable to continue the sentence.

“Is something wrong with Daniel?”

“He’s gone,” Lily whispered, pressing her hand to her lips.

Severus was in shock. Did Lily mean what he thought she did? “What? How? I don’t…”

“Oh Sev, my daddy’s dead!” And bursting into tears she threw the pillow to the ground and buried her head in the bed.

“Oh Merlin.” Severus moved to sit next to her on the bed. He looked down at the girl sobbing hopelessly into her bedclothes unsure of what to say or how to comfort her.

Lily’s right hand crept out from under her and grasped his. Tenderly he placed his other hand on her back and moved it in soothing circles. He couldn’t bring himself to lie and tell her it would all be all right so he just sat there, rubbing her back and slowly loosing circulation in the hand she was clinging to. After what seemed like a lifetime Lily’s sobs faded to be replaced by the sound of the occasional hiccup.

“Did you see my mum?” asked the muffled voice.

“I didn’t see anyone. Nobody answered the door so I just let myself in and came up here. I hope that’s alright.” Severus’ voice sounded rough, almost harsh to his ears.

“Of course it is.” Lily rolled over on the bed, her tear-stained face looking up at his. “Sev, can you do me a favour?”

“Anything.”

“Can you check on my mum for me?”

“Certainly. Do you know where she might be?”

“I would guess either my parent’s room.” Here Lily’s voice caught but she took a shaky breath and carried on. “Or da…his workshop. If you do that then I can go check on Tuney.”

Severus gave a sharp nod of his head and rose from the bed. A quick look assured him Mrs. Evans wasn’t in her bedroom, so he retreated down the hallway lined with pictures of a family that was now incomplete. Passing the bathroom, he heard the sound of running water and hesitated for a moment, wondering if perhaps Violet was in there. The soft pattering of feet convinced him it was one of the two Evans girls and he continued on his way. Severus quickly navigated the downstairs rooms and exited through the open back door, hardly sparing a glance at the kitchen.

At the end of the garden sat Mr. Evans’ workshop, now painted a bright red. _So Daniel has finally gotten his way. Fair play to him._ Severus thought. The door to the shop was swinging slowly in the light breeze that rustled the leaves of the oak tree next to it. From his vantage point he could see Violet sitting on a stool in front of the long counter that ran along the back wall of the building. In all of his life Severus had never wanted to do anything less then go into that shop and speak to Daniel Evans’ wife, _no, Daniel Evans’ widow_.

The thought caused his mind to reel, not that he had any right to feel upset. He had to focus on the important people right now. He had promised Lily he would check on Violet so that’s what he would do. Stealthy as a cat, he crossed the garden to the little structure. Just as he reached the building a sudden gust of wind caught the door and it slammed into his arm. He let out a gasp of pain and clutched his left elbow. Uncharacteristically, Violet didn’t respond in the least, she merely sat shuffling nails on the counter.

“Mrs. Evans, is there anything I can do for you?” he asked cautiously.

Violet turned on the stool and Severus felt his breath catch. Gone was the light-hearted, happy woman he had always known. This woman looked haggard and careworn, like she had aged a hundred years in the space of a moment.

“Severus, are you here to see Lily? I’m sorry, I think she might have gone on an errand with her father.”

He had no idea how to respond to that. “She’s inside, Violet. I already saw her. I was actually looking for you.”

“Well, you’ve found me. I was just trying to straighten up Daniel’s shop. It’s always such a mess.” She let out a small laugh.

_This is so much worse than seeing Lily hysterical, at least she knew what was going on and I had a vague idea of what to do for her. But this..._ Then he remembered how his Grandmother Snape had always said a cup of tea was the best thing to sooth you in a crisis. His Gram’s ideas had always seemed to work for him so he decided to give it a go.

“I suppose it is. I can help you clean it if you’d like. But maybe we could have some tea first.”

“That would be lovely, dear.” Gingerly she got to her feet, swaying momentarily.

For a second Severus thought she would faint and braced himself to catch her. But she steadied herself against the counter and began walking across the garden as if in a fog. Severus stood and gazed around the shop for a moment, remembering all the times he and Lily had sat out here listening to one of Daniel Evans’ improbable tales. Quietly he closed the door and latched it. _What in the name of Merlin happened?_

He didn’t have the heart to ask Mrs. Evans so he supposed he would have to wait for Lily to explain. When he entered through the still open back door he saw the table was covered in what looked like the remains of breakfast. Mr. Evans’ usual chair was lying on its side on the floor. Severus walked to the table and leaned over to right the chair.

“Don’t!” Violet snapped. “Just leave it! Leave it all.”

Startled, Severus lowered the seat back to the floor and crossed over to the range, where he filled the kettle and put it on the gas to heat. An easy search turned up tea bags and several mugs. _Might as well make enough for all of us._ He stood in silence, waiting for the water to boil and surreptitiously watching Mrs. Evans out of the corner of his eye. She was staring blankly at her husband’s spot at the table, almost as if she expected to see him appear at any moment. Severus was eerily reminded of a picture he had seen of Inferi in one of his mother’s books. Finally, the water was ready and he busied himself with the task of preparing the brew, grateful to have something to do to take his mind off of the grief surrounding him.

“Would you like some milk or sugar, Violet?”

“What?”

“In your tea. Milk or sugar?”

“I don’t know.”

_This is horrible. Really, I’m not cut out for this sort of thing. I haven’t the slightest idea what to do now. Should I stay here with her or go and get Lily? Maybe there’s someone I can ring, a relative or something._ He was about to ask Mrs. Evans if there was anyone she wanted when he heard the sound of knocking.

“Severus, would you be a dear and get that for me?”

“Absolutely.”

Opening the front door, he saw a tall, blond woman standing anxiously on the step.

“Hello, I’m Helen Taylor. Vi called me.”

Severus released a breath he hadn’t been aware of holding. “Come in.” He stood aside to let her pass. “I’m Severus Snape, Lily’s friend.”

The woman took off her tan trench coat and handed it to him. “Where is Violet?”

“In the kitchen.”

“Thank you.” And Helen blew through the hall like a general on her way into battle.

Severus took the coat and laid it on the sofa in the lounge. Now what should he do? Somehow going into the kitchen for the tea didn’t seem right and the idea of sitting in the darkening lounge by himself felt odd. He supposed the logical thing to do was to go sit in Lily’s room and wait for her to come back from comforting Petunia.

He trudged up the stairs wearily, trying to remember how things had been when his father’s mother had died. He had been very young at the time, only five or six but he didn’t recall there being this kind of oppressive grief in the air. Maybe it was because he was the only one who had mourned his gram’s passing. And when his Grandmother Prince had died two years ago Eileen had gotten an owl with the news and a request she not embarrass the family by turning up with her half-blood brat. His mother had been so angry she hadn’t really thought to grieve.

Entering the bedroom, he saw Lily was curled up on the bed. “How’s my mum?”

“I don’t know.”

“I was going to come down in a minute, I promise.”

“Don’t worry about it. I made her some tea and then Helen turned up.”

“Really, Helen’s here?”

“Yes, she just arrived. I thought it best to leave them alone.”

“It’ll be okay, Helen will know what to do.”

“How is Petunia?”

“She didn’t want me. Even now she sent me away. I thought she’d put her issues aside for the moment but I guess not.”

Severus could tell Lily was on the verge of crying again. While he could understand shedding tears for Daniel, crying over Petunia’s pettiness was beyond his ken. “What do you want me to do Lil?”

“About Petunia?”

“In general. Do you need me to ring anyone or get you something?”

“Could you…could you maybe phone May and Cris? I can’t handle telling anyone else.”

“I understand. Do you want me to ask them to come over?”

“Please, they’re part of the family, they should be here.”

“All right.”

“Do you need their number?”

“Yes.”

Lily reached into her bedside cabinet and pulled out a little red book. “Here,” she said, passing it to him.

Severus walked into the lounge. From the room next door he could hear crying. Clearly Violet had finally broken down. He wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or not. He quickly dialled the Halls’ number, wanting to get the whole ordeal of telling them what had happened over with. Severus had decided on the way downstairs the best thing would be to talk to Crispin, mostly because he figured that May would cry and he really didn’t have the faintest idea how to calm someone over the phone. So when a woman with a thick Irish accent answered the phone he gave his name and said who he was looking for.

Crispin’s jovial voice was on the phone at once. “Hi Severus. I was just thinking about ringing you. Did you catch the match yesterday?”

Severus could hear May chattering in the background. “Listen Cris, I have some bad news.”

Instantly the line went quiet. Then came a soft whisper: “What’s happened?”

“Daniel…he passed away today.” Severus felt his voice catch on every word.

“Are you kidding?” From the sound of his voice Severus knew Cris was as shocked by the news as he had been.

“No.”

“What the hell happened?”

“I don’t know. Lily hasn’t been able to tell me. Violet’s a mess and I haven’t even seen Petunia.”

“I take it you’re over there then?”

“Yes, Lily rang and asked me to come.”

“What do they need us to do?”

“I think they would like it if you came over. Actually, Lily told me to tell you that you are family and you should be here.”

“We’ll be over as soon as possible. Are you staying the night?”

“I don’t know. They haven’t asked.”

“I think we’d better plan on it. Do you need me to stop at your place and get you a change of clothes or something?”

“No, I can do that later.”

“Don’t be stupid, Lily rang you, clearly you’re the one she wants, you can’t leave her to go home to get clothes. Listen, I’ll take care of it all, just go sit with her. It shouldn’t take us to long to get over there.” With a click the line went dead.

Severus hung up the phone and went back upstairs to Lily’s room. “They’re on their way.”

“Good.” Lily rolled over so she was staring at the picture of her family on the dresser opposite. “Tell me this is just some horrid dream and I’m going to wake up soon.”

“I wish I could,” he said sitting down next to her on the bed. “Lily, what happened? Daniel seemed fine when I was here last week.”

“I don’t know. We were all sitting there, eating breakfast, talking about what we were going to do today and then all of a sudden dad was on the floor, clutching his chest. Everything’s a blur after that. We took him to hospital obviously. Then we just sat in the waiting room for a long time. I kept thinking they would come out and tell us we could go in and see him. That it would just be bad indigestion or something.

“Then a doctor came out and he pulled Mum away and she started screaming. Oh God, I’ll never forget that as long as I live. She kept screaming, ‘Daniel, don’t leave me’ and I knew dad was gone. They let us go see him then and he looked so peaceful, like he was sleeping. The doctor said he had a tear in his heart; there was nothing they could have done. It’s not fair, Sev, he was so young and we need him. What’s mum supposed to do now? What am I supposed to do?” She looked up at him, the tears streaming down her face.

“You’ll get through it. It’ll be hard but you’ll make it. So will Violet, she’s stronger then you think. And you know I’ll be here as long as you need me.”

“I know. Thank you for coming, Sev, I don’t know what I would do without you. You know dad likes…liked you, don’t you?”

Severus thought back to overhearing Daniel saying he hoped to call Severus ‘son’ one day. “Yes, I know. I liked him too.”

“Does the ache ever go away?”

“I think so. At least it did when my gram died.”

“You know, you never talk about her to me, not since that time you told me your grandparents were gone. Is that because you’ve forgotten about her? God, Sev, am I going to forget Dad?”

“No, you’ll never forget him. And just because I don’t talk about my gram doesn’t mean I don’t think about her or miss her.” Severus looked down at the girl on the bed. It was hard to see her in the growing darkness of the room, but he was loathe to turn on a light. Especially since he was about to tell her one of his most cherished secrets. “You actually remind me of her.”

“Do I?” Lily found it hard to believe she could remind Severus of one of his relatives. Curiosity was getting the better of her and besides, it took her mind off of the tragedy of the day. “Tell me about her.”

“Well, she was very kind, like you. I think her flat is still my favourite place in the world. It smelled of cinnamon and vanilla and she always had freshly baked biscuits when I came over.” Severus gave a little melancholy laugh. “I remember she had this old sofa covered in horsehair and unless I pushed my feet against the floor I would slide right off. Sometimes she use to let me do it just for fun, but only if my parents weren’t around. Once she even did it with me, because she said I wasn’t angling myself right to get the maximum speed.”

Lily had a hard time picturing Severus deliberately sliding down a sofa and onto the floor. “I can’t imagine you doing something so abandoned.”

“Well I wouldn’t do it now.”

“Why not?”

“It wouldn’t be the same without her and anyway I’m too old for that sort of thing now.”

“Would your gram agree?”

“No. She always told me to never stop having fun, the moment you did was the moment life wasn’t worth living anymore.”

“That’s a good philosophy. She sounds really lovely, Sev. I wish I had gotten to meet her.”

“I wish you had too. I think you would have liked each other.”

“She made you happy, didn’t she?”

“Yes, I suppose she did.”

“What was it like when she – you know?”

“I was young, so it’s sort of hard to remember. What I do remember is my father telling me she had gone away and wasn’t coming back. It took me awhile to figure out he meant she was dead.”

“Didn’t you go to her funeral?”

“No, my father got angry so he had her cremated and then threw her ashes away.”

“Why was he so angry?”

“Because he thought she was going to leave him the flat and everything.”

“And she didn’t?”

“No, she left some money to me and gave the rest to charity.”

“So he didn’t even give you a chance to say goodbye?”

“No. I don’t think he thought I understood or maybe he just didn’t care by then.”

“And he just threw her ashes away?”

“Yes, but I went and got them later that night. They’re still hidden in my bedroom. Sometimes…” Severus stopped abruptly.

“Sometimes what?” Lily inquired intrigued to see this loving, tender side of her best friend.

“I take them out and look at them. It’s silly, I know.”

“No Sev. It shows what a good person you are. That you wanted to save something of someone you loved. I would have done the same thing.” It was funny, Lily thought, how you could be grateful at a time like this, but at least she had gotten to see her dad one last time and would get to say a proper farewell. Instantly Lily was overwhelmed by the idea of what was coming. The thought of seeing her father in a wooden box was more than she could handle and the tears started to flow again. “Sev.”

“Yes.”

“I’d really like a hug, if that’s okay.”

Severus didn’t say a word, he simply gathered the girl into his arms and held her tight. Lily clung to him, trying to gather some strength from him, since he seemed to have so much of it. The room sank into total darkness while each attempted to gain some kind of comfort from the other. They only broke apart when the sound of the front door opening reached their ears.

“That must be Cris and May,” Severus said gruffly before going down to greet the Halls.

He was on the bottom tread when the hall light flicked on. There, in the circle of golden light, stood May and Cris. May was clutching two bags and looking around the hall in despair and Crispin was holding three large, white, grease soaked sacks.

“Hi Mate,” Cris said as Severus came down the stairs.

“Hello,” returned Severus. At a loss for words, they all stood in the hall looking at one another for several long moments.

“Here, we brought dinner,” said Crispin handing one of the bags to Severus. “Nothing great, just fish and chips take-away but I figured Violet wouldn’t be in any shape to cook.”

“How is Violet?” Inquired May, tears already flowing freely down her cheeks.

“I honestly don’t know. She was like some kind of Inferi when I saw her.”

“A what?” asked May.

Severus wracked his brain for the muggle word that he wanted. “A zombie,” Lily supplied, coming down the stairs to join them.

“Lily,” May whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

“We both are.”

“Thank you both.” Lily reached out and hugged Crispin and May. “Is my Mum still in the kitchen, Sev?”

“I suppose so.”

“I’ll go see if she and Helen want anything. May, maybe you can see if Petunia’s hungry. She refuses to talk to me.”

“Why?”

“She thinks with all my abilities I should have been able to save dad.”

“It doesn’t work like that!” protested Severus.

“I know that and you know that, but Tuney doesn’t. She doesn’t understand there are limits to magic.”

“She probably just needs to be angry at someone right now and you’re the most convenient person Lily. Let me see what I can do.” And May mounted the step with a look of grim determination on her face.

“My sister, the voice of reason,” Crispin said as they watched her go.

“Come on, let’s take this food in the kitchen,” said Lily, taking a bag from the elder boy’s arms.

The group advanced tentatively down the hall. Taking a deep breath Lily swung open the door. Violet Evans was still sitting at the table, clutching the hand of the woman sitting next to her.

“Hello, Helen. Mum, Cris and May and Sev are here. They brought fish and chips if you want some.”

Violet started to shake her head.

“Hello, Lily. Now Violet, you have to eat something.” Lowering her voice Helen continued, “The children need you to be strong now.”

“All right,” Violet whispered.

“Good, then let’s clear off the table,” said Helen rising from her spot and picking up a bowl of congealed bacon.

Frantically Violet made a grab for her hand, “No! Leave the table!”

“Violet, you have to clean it off eventually and the longer you wait the harder it will be.”

“Maybe it would be easier if she didn’t watch,” Crispin suggested.

“Yes,” Violet choked.

“Severus and I can wait with you in the lounge.”

“That is a wonderful idea. Go with the boys, Violet, and Lily and I will come get you when we’re done here.” Taking the bags from the two boys she hustled all three of them out the door.

The two young men followed the grief stricken woman back down the hallway they had just traversed a moment earlier. Crispin leaned close to Severus and whispered, “Did you find out what happened?”

“A tear in his heart, Lily said.”

Crispin shook his head and entered the lounge. Mrs. Evans was standing staring at the wing back chair that was her husband’s favourite seat. “Violet, why don’t you sit down on the sofa?” Crispin suggested gently, taking her arm and steering her in that direction.

The woman sat on the seat with the two boys on either side of her. It was the most awkward moment of Severus’ life. Suddenly Cris asked, “So, Severus, you never said what kind of marks you got on your exams.”

“Oh, I got top marks in everything but Herbology. What about you?”

“I managed to scrape by.”

“You did very well, Severus. And Crispin, I know you can do better.” scolded Mrs. Evans

Severus felt a little flood of relief. It was the first normal thing Violet had said since he had arrived.

“I promise I’ll try harder this next term,” Cris vowed softly.

“I know you will,” Violet said taking his hand in hers. “Daniel and I are so proud of both of you.” And she reached out and clasped Severus’ hand in her free one.

Severus fought down the lump in his throat. He was not going to cry in front of other people, it wasn’t allowed. Crispin, though, did not seem to have any similar reservations as he was crying quite unashamedly, the tears dripping onto Violet’s hand. “It will all be all right, Cris. Everything will be just fine,” she soothed.

At this, Crispin broke and sobbed hopelessly in Violet’s arms. After several minutes, during which Severus stared determinedly in the other direction, Crispin sat up and rubbed the tears from his eyes. “I’m sorry, Mum.”

“You don’t ever need to apologize for crying over someone you love, Cris,” soothed Violet.

Before Cris could respond, Petunia and May entered the room. Petunia shot Crispin and Severus scathing looks before sitting down in her mother’s wing chair. May looked at Daniel’s chair cautiously before seating herself on the floor. “Where’s Lily?”

“In the kitchen, helping Helen.” Violet’s eyes started to well again. Severus felt the pressure on his hand increase.

“She and Helen are straightening things up. We thought it would be easier for Violet to sit in here.” Cris explained. “I’m sure they’ll be done any moment now. Then we can eat. Did May tell you we brought fish and chips, Petunia?”

“Yes,” replied Petunia shortly. “Though I’m sure I couldn’t eat a thing.”

“We’re ready. Helen thought it would be better if we ate in the dining room, mum,” said Lily entering the room.

Quietly, everyone stood and began exiting the room. Petunia had scarcely passed through the opening, holding her mother’s hand, when Severus heard someone call his name.  He turned and saw Crispin hadn’t moved from his spot on the sofa.

“Listen, please don’t tell anyone I call Violet, ‘Mum’. I usually only do it when we’re alone, but I was upset and it just slipped out. I know Lily wouldn’t care but I think Petunia would hate it, especially now.”

“Not a word, I promise.”

“Thanks mate. I always knew you were all right.”

“Are you two coming?” Lily asked, popping her head back into the room.

“We’re on our way,” Cris assured her, rising from the sofa and proceeding to the dining room.

They all sat down at the table, though Lily noted no one was seated at the head of the table and in fact everyone was going out of their way to avoid looking at the spot. It might have been the quietest meal ever had in the Evans house. The only thing to break the silence was the occasional request for salt or vinegar. It wasn’t until almost every wrapper was empty that Mrs. Evans turned to her daughter and asked, “When are your friends arriving Petunia?”

“What? Oh, _I_ didn’t invite anyone. _I_ was too upset. But I’m sure when my friends do arrive they will stay at a B &B so as not to inconvenience anyone.”

It was the first time Lily had ever seen May look daggers at anyone. Under the table, she grabbed Lily’s hand in sympathy.

“Petunia, that was completely uncalled for! The boys and May should be here. Your sister wants them and I want them and I will hear no more about it,” snapped Mrs. Evans. Obviously, Violet was coming back into her own. She turned and looked at the three children at the end of the table. “I know I would like it if the three of you would stay the night. Helen and I will have many arrangements to make tomorrow and it would be very helpful to me if you could help get the house ready.”

“Of course, Violet, anything you need we’ll do,” May affirmed.

“Do any of you need to go and get night things and a change of clothes for tomorrow?”

“No, May and I brought our things with us and I also took care of Severus.”

“Good. Then I think the boys should share the guest room, the beds can be pushed apart if you’d like. Lily, I assume it is acceptable for May to share your room?”

“Yes, mum.”

“And Helen…”

“I’ll sleep in your room with you.”

“Now that’s all settled I think I’ll clean up the table and retire for the night.”

“We can do that mum,” volunteered Lily.

The other teenagers nodded in agreement, except Petunia, who stared determinedly at her mother.

“Thank you. Good night, all of you.” And Violet and Helen left the room followed closely by Petunia who shot everyone one last disparaging look before leaving.

“What the hell is wrong with Petunia?” demanded Crispin, balling up the wrapper in front of him.

“She doesn’t think we should be here,” May answered with a sigh. “She thinks we’re intruding on a private family moment.”

“Are we?” asked Severus “If you want us to go, Lily…”

“No, Sev. You heard mum. She wants you here. I want you here. So Petunia will just have to get over it, though I’m sure she’ll ask those wretched Dursley people to stay just to spite me.” Tears started spilling down her cheeks again. “I don’t understand how she can be like this now. Our dad is gone and all she can think about is her petty feuds. I know Sev, that you and she have never gotten along well but I always thought she liked the two of you,” said Lily looking at May and Cris.

“I think she would hate anyone who came between her and your mum right now,” May proposed sadly. “Maybe she’ll be better tomorrow, Lil. For now, let’s clean up and go to bed. I have a feeling things will be very hectic the next few days.”

After the four had cleaned the table they proceeded upstairs. At the door to Lily’s room Cris gave his sister and Lily each a brief hug. Then before he could protest May threw her arms around Severus. Lily was briefly amused at the look of discomfort on her best friend’s face though it was of amazingly short duration. Then, surprisingly, Sev wrapped his arms around the girl and returned her hug. Lily quickly took May’s place, whispering in Severus’ ear, “Well done.”

“Hmm,” he murmured before quickly stepping back.

Unable to resist, Lily placed a quick kiss on his cheek. “Goodnight, Sev and thank you, for everything.”

“No problem,” replied the shocked voice.

Lily gave him a little smile and disappeared into her room.

Severus turned and followed Crispin into the guest room, entering just as Petunia slammed her door shut across the hall. Cris was standing at the foot of the bed clearly deep in thought.

“Do you mind if we just leave the beds pushed together for now?” Crispin inquired, not bothering to turn around. “I can’t say I’m in much of a mood to move furniture or make beds.

“No that’s fine. Listen Cris, I need to go to mine for a little while and get some clothes, tell my mother what’s going on.”

“I brought you clothes. Nothing great, mind you, just some things that don’t really fit me anymore. And Vi won’t mind if you use the phone to call your parents. I do know she wouldn’t be keen on the idea of you wandering the streets this late at night.”

Severus hesitated; he knew if he went home and told his mother he was promptly going out again to spend the night at the Evans’ house she would have a fit. Thus he would be forced to wait until she went to bed and sneak out. Frankly, he wasn’t in the mood and if he were being entirely truthful he wasn’t even in the mood to walk home.

Crispin stood watching Severus, trying to gauge his intentions, but the boy was just too blasted hard to read. “If you are absolutely intent on going then I am afraid I am going to have to insist on driving you.”

That settled it in Severus’ mind. He and Crispin had just started getting on well and there was no way he was going to ruin it by dragging his new found friend into the row that would inevitably occur when his mother found out he was planning on spending the night at the Evans’ house. So he trudged downstairs and picked up the phone, half wondering if anyone would even answer and what he would do if they didn’t. The phone must have rung a dozen times before his father picked up. His voice was highly slurred and Severus was fairly certain Tobias wouldn’t remember a word of this conversation in the morning. Still he told his father Mr. Evans had passed away and he would be staying at Lily’s house for the next few days. He couldn’t make out what Tobias’ reply was and was in no frame of mind to try to translate the drunken gibberish his father was spewing. So Severus hung up the phone and figured he would deal with the fall-out when he got home.

All thoughts of problems with his family were quickly driven from Severus’ mind over the course of the next few days. With Petunia in the lead, the four friends were put to work cleaning the house. For Lily it felt as if her sister were trying to deal with her grief via a scrub brush and dust cloth. May, Lily and Petunia worked until every surface of the house was dusted, polished, waxed and buffed. Meanwhile, the two boys were set the task of straightening the garden and Mr. Evans’ workshop – a task Lily and May rather envied as it got them away from Petunia.

Never had Lily thought she would welcome the sound of the name Vernon Dursley but when he rang the day before the memorial, Lily immediately packed her sister off to the B&B to see her friends, grateful for a moment of rest. She and May then went off in search of Cris and Sev who not surprisingly, were sitting in the workshop, drinking beers and reminiscing about some of Daniel’s more outlandish tales. Lily thought somehow her dad would be happier about the idea of them all sitting out here sharing stories of cheerful times then obsessively cleaning the house and being melancholy.

That was where Violet and Helen found them, laughing and telling anecdotes, when the women returned from the church. With a smile, Violet joined in, knowing in her heart this was the kind of memorial her husband would have wanted, not the stuffy event tomorrow was sure to be, with work colleagues and acquaintances murmuring empty words of consolation. For now it was just the people who loved him and who he had loved, remembering the joy that had been his life, even if that life had been far too short. Violet couldn’t help but wish her eldest daughter would see that laughter could be as healing as tears, maybe even more so. That there was a great comfort in knowing someone you had loved had touched the lives of others, the way her husband had touched the lives of the three children sitting in this building who had been his own, in spirit, if not in name and blood. These few hours were what would get her through tomorrow, through the heartbreak of burying the only man she had ever loved.

Lily spent a restless night and the clock downstairs had chimed four before she finally drifted off. Only four hours later she awoke with a feeling of dread deep in the pit of her stomach. For several long minutes she laid there, staring at the black dress hanging on the door of her wardrobe. Next to her, May was still fast asleep. Lily slowly eased her way out of bed so as to not wake her friend.

She desperately wanted a moment alone with her mother before the day began. Lily pattered softly down the hall hoping to find her mother by herself. Somehow Petunia had claimed every spare minute of Violet’s time during the last four days so Lily had had no alone time with her mother since her father’s passing. Opening the door, Lily found her mother sitting at her dressing table putting up her hair.

“Mum, can I come in?”

“Of course, darling.”

Lily entered the room and sat on the bed. Now that she was here she didn’t know what to say. She just sat and watched her mother get ready, the way she and her sister had when they were young and their parents were going out for the night. Violet eyed her youngest child in the mirror. Lily was the less dramatic of her two daughters; it meant it was easier to overlook Lily’s quiet grief in the wake of Petunia’s more overt displays. But Violet knew her younger needed as much comfort as her elder, so she gave what she could.

“It will be all right, Lily. I know things are hard right now but your dad would want us to remember the good things about his life and not dwell on his passing.”

“I know, it just seemed strange to think I’ll never see him again.”

“Lily, we always see the people we love again.”

“Do you really believe that. Mum?”

“Of course I do. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to carry on and I know in my heart your father will never truly leave me. Someday, when you’re older and find the person you’re meant to be with, you’ll understand.”

“I don’t know if I could ever love someone the way you love dad.”

“Of course you will, in time,” Violet promised, as Petunia knocked on the door.

Lily took one look at her sister and left the room. Entering her own room, she found May silently dressing. Lily reluctantly pulled a set of underclothes from her dresser drawer and prepared to leave the room.

“Severus is in the shower,” said May, “in case that was where you were going.”

“Oh, has he been in there long?”

“About ten minutes.”

“Is the whole day going to be this odd?”

“I think so.” whispered May, who was clearly crying.

Lily knew if she started crying now she wouldn’t stop for the rest of the day. So she took a steadying breath and left the room, thinking she would wait in the hall until Severus vacated the bathroom. As luck would have it, he was leaving as she exited her room. Lily entered the bath and washed as quickly as possible, knowing Petunia would be pounding on the door any minute.

An hour later they were all gathered in the lounge, waiting for Mrs. Evans to come down. Lily thought they all looked vaguely like exhibits in a wax museum, stiff and proper, not one hair out of place. No one was talking or even breathing, it seemed to her. She and Severus and May and Crispin were lined up like well-dressed dolls on the sofa. Helen, well, she had broken the unspoken rule and sat in Daniel’s chair. Lily couldn’t bear to look at her. Petunia was sitting in her mother’s chair and looking pointedly at the clock, apparently worried the church would start the memorial without them. Just when Lily thought she couldn’t stand the tension for another moment Violet entered the room.

“I think we should be going. Petunia, you, Lily and I will ride with Helen. Crispin, will you take your sister and Severus?”

“Yes.”

Slowly they all rose from their seats. Lily wanted desperately to ask if Sev could come with them but she knew it would only lead to a fit on Petunia’s part, and that was the one thing she could not deal with at the moment. Surely she could endure fifteen minutes in her sister’s company.

It turned out it was the longest fifteen minutes of Lily’s life; Petunia wept from the moment they got in the car and her hysteria only grew when they got out at the church. Lily looked desperately for her friends but was unable to find them before the minister came up and escorted them into the chapel. Lily walked to the front of the room and sat in one of the pews reserved for the family, trying to avoid looking at the coffin resting in front of the alter. Petunia, who had held her mother’s hand down the aisle, quickly manoeuvred herself so she was seated between her mother and her sister. Lily could hear people behind her shuffling in and sitting down. Still the Halls and Severus had not arrived. Lily twisted in her seat, looking back over her shoulder.

“What are you doing?” Petunia hissed.

“Looking for May and Cris and Sev.” answered Lily.

The sentence seemed to startle Mrs. Evans out of her reverie. “Heavens, I thought they were here,” she said turning her head and scanning the back of the room.

After several seconds Violet rose and walked back three rows. Lily saw her mother lower her head and speak to someone. A moment later Cris, May and Sev stood and followed Mrs. Evans down the aisle to the front row. As they slid by Lily grabbed Severus’ hand and pulled him into the spot next to her. And so she sat, her hand entwined in Severus’ while the minister rose and began the service.

“We have come here today to remember...”

Lily found it almost impossible to concentrate on the service, though she knew she was making the correct responses at the proper moments, perhaps because Severus squeezed her hand each time she was supposed to say an Amen.

She did try to pay attention when her father’s best friend got up and spoke about her father’s childhood. The director of Daniel’s bank, who gave a dry speech about what a dedicated employee he had been, followed him but Lily felt as if the man had failed to capture the spirit of her father. Briefly she wondered if her mother planned to say anything, but looking over she saw Violet was wracked by silent sobs. It was a very great surprise to Lily when Crispin stood and walked to the front of the church.

“Good morning, everyone. Violet, Mrs. Evans, asked me to say a few words on behalf of the Evans’ family today. I wish I knew how to sum up Daniel Evans’ life but I fear that is a talent I do not possess. What I do have is the knowledge that Mr. Evans was a truly wonderful man I feel very privileged to have known. In thinking about what I wanted to say today many things came to mind: Daniel’s love and compassion, his amazing sense of humour, his ability to see the good in everyone. But what I most remembered were the stories he told us, his daughters, my sister, Severus and I. Stories about all the mischief he got into as a child, about how he met Violet in the midst of an air raid during the war, about how he once saw the great Duncan Edwards play, stories about how much pride he took in his two beautiful daughters. These are the moments I will cherish the most; moments he himself took delight in. 

“I will also remember how he took in three children who weren’t his own and gave us love, pure and unconditional. I know there are not words to express how much we three will miss that love, so what Violet, Petunia and Lily are feeling I cannot even begin to imagine. The world is a little darker now Daniel Evans has gone, but as long as those of us who love him remember the joy and laughter he brought to our lives his light will never truly go out and I know he would ask for nothing more.” Crispin wiped the tears from his eyes and walked back to his seat beside May, who turned her face into her brother’s shoulder.

The minister then got up and concluded the service. Lily watched her mother stand and proceed down the aisle and out to the car that would drive them to the cemetery. Quickly she let go of Severus’ hand and rushed to catch up with her mother. “Mum, do you mind if I ride with Cris?

For an instant Violet was tempted to say no, but looking at her daughter she saw all the tension Lily felt.  Not far away, Petunia was wailing in the arms of a heavy, dark haired man. Lily’s dismay was clearly growing in response to her sister’s hysterics. “Very well, darling. I’ll see you there.”

Lily gratefully turned and walked back to where May and Sev were standing. “Mum said I could ride with you.”

“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather ride with your mum?” asked May.

“Yes, I need to get away from Tuney. I really need a couple of minutes of quiet, May.”

“All right, Cris just went to get the car. He should be back in a moment.”

Lily gave May a weary smile and slipped her hand back into Severus’. The ride to the cemetery was thankfully very quiet, something she was even more appreciative of when she saw the gaping hole in the earth where her father would soon rest. This was what Lily had been dreading the most the last few days. Watching the men carry the coffin up the gentle slope she was amazed by how small the box was; surely her father had been bigger than that?

They gently lowered the coffin onto the braces above the hole. Then the minister began to speak; what he said Lily never heard as she could only stare fixedly at the coffin. _Oh God, this is real. My Daddy is really gone._ Her knees started to tremble; surely she would collapse any moment. As the coffin was lowered into the ground Lily felt her knees start to buckle and instantly Severus’ arm stole around her, holding her up.

“I’ve got you,” whispered Severus.

She nodded to let him know she had heard him. Lily watched as her mother dropped a bunch of violets and a handful of dirt into the opening. She was followed by Petunia, who was overshadowed by the large, beefy people she was standing between. Lily felt every eye turn to look at her.

“I can’t do this, Sev.”

“Of course you can,” he stated determinately.

Lily didn’t know how it happened but those words somehow gave her the impetus to walk forward, stoop down and pick up a handful of the earth mounded in front of her. She let the soil fall from her hand, looking out at the trees on the horizon until the sound of the clod hitting wood forced her eyes downward. She swiftly looked away, before returning to her place beside her best friend. It was several more moments before Violet left the graveside, followed by Helen. Lily watched as Petunia walked up to her mother, instantly she knew her sister was asking to ride back to the house with the people Lily assumed were the Dursleys.

“I have to ride back to the house with mum,” said Lily to May

“We’ll see you there.”

Somehow Lily couldn’t bring herself to let go of Severus’ hand so she pulled him along towards where her mother stood talking quietly to Petunia. She was just in time to see the look of desolation on Violet’s face as Petunia walked away to join her friends. “Mum, can I ride with you and Helen?”

Violet turned and looked at her daughter in relief. “Wouldn’t you rather ride with Cris and May?”

“No. I’d prefer to be with you if you don’t mind.”

“Of course I don’t. I would love to have you both with me.”

Severus looked vaguely startled at this piece of news but he quickly recovered his poise. Turning, he motioned to May he would be riding with Lily and Violet. The girl gave a nod of her chestnut head and Severus slide into the town car next to Lily. The whole way back to Bloom Street Lily continued to hold tightly on to his hand. Severus was pretty sure this was the most he had ever held hands with anyone since his gram had insisted on him holding onto her at the market when he was four.

As soon as they arrived back at the house Mrs. Evans and Helen began bustling around, putting food out on the dining room table. Severus tried to help where he could but mostly felt as if he were in the way. So he was grateful when Violet asked him if he would be in charge of getting the door and taking people’s coats. For a solid hour he stood by the front door, watching people come and go, some of them offering him their condolences. For a while he wondered why people were doing this then he heard someone whisper he was Lily’s young man. It really seemed like more effort than it was worth to correct the old lady.

Soon after Helen came by and was shocked to see he was still standing at the door. After some minor protestations on his part that he did not want to neglect the duty that Violet had given him, Miss Taylor persuaded him it was fine to let people fend for themselves. So he went and made himself a plate, which he then carried into the lounge. After spending a few moments wandering aimlessly he found an open seat by Cris and Daniel’s best friend, Lionel. Here there were no tears, just a quietly told story about how Daniel had once scaled a trellis in the effort to apologize to Violet for some stupid thing he had done and in the attempt had fallen and broken his arm.

Mostly Severus watched Lily, who seemed to be becoming increasingly flustered. He was not in the least surprised when he saw her leave the room. From his spot on an ottoman, he could see her legs wobbly climbing the stairs. Severus swiftly handed his plate off to Cris with a few muttered excuses. He was briefly held up by Daniel’s manager who was unable to locate his coat and seemed to think Severus was the only one who could help him find it. Severus quickly located the coat on the rack and shoved it at the balding man before ascending the stairs irritated to be held up when Lily was in need of comfort.

As he had suspected, he found Lily in her room. She had kicked her shoes off and was lying on the bed, fumbling with the pins that held her hair up.

“Lily, are you all right?” he asked coming in and shutting the door behind him.

“I don’t know – Tell me, why is it the moment you most want to be alone, to be able to think, everyone who ever knew you descends like a swarm of locusts?”

“I think the idea is it will be easier for you to adjust with others around.”

“You’re probably right,” Lily conceded wryly.

“If you want to be alone, I can go.”

Abruptly Lily sat up on the bed. “I didn’t mean you, Sev. You aren’t like most of them, you don’t lie to me about how everything will be fine or try to talk to me about Dad’s passing. In fact, you might be the only person who is talking to me about run of the mill things, even May can’t pull that off today. And you definitely don’t speak to me in that fake sympathy voice. I really hate that voice.

“Right now, I feel…I need…just stay – Sev, can you please come hold me for a minute?” she reached out her hand imploringly to him.

“All right,” Severus agreed shrugging off the charcoal grey jacket he was wearing.

Silently Lily watched as he hung the jacket on the doorknob. “That’s a nice suit.”

“Yes, it is. Cris loaned it to me for the day.”

“You look much better in grey than in black. You should wear it more often.”

“Thank you,” he mumbled, blushing slightly.

“Your hair looks different too.”

“Maybe because all you have is strange girly stuff that smells of flowers. I had no idea what any of it was so I used a little of everything,” he explained while loosening his tie. “Merlin, I hate these things.”

Nervously he sat down on the bed next to Lily.

“Shoes.”

“What?”

“Take your shoes off on my bed.”

“Lily.”

“Shoes.”

Reluctantly he reached down and pulled off the borrowed black dress shoes. They were slightly too small and he couldn’t see how he would get them back on again. Maybe he could slip off and put his boots on before going back downstairs. For now, he lay back against the headboard of the bed and gathered Lily into his arms. It was funny how long he had wanted to hold her like this and now that he was doing it Severus couldn’t help but think this was not at all how he had dreamt this moment would be.

“Thank you. I know how you hate all this touchy feely stuff.”

“Only with strangers. I don’t mind so much with people I know and like.”

“Is that why you hugged May back the other night?”

“I suppose.”

“You like her, don’t you?”

“Are you asking me if I fancy May?”

“No. I meant you like her as a friend.”

“You know, I really think I might. Cris too.”

“I’m glad, though it certainly took you long enough.”

“Seven years isn’t so long.”

“Sev,” she chided before continuing, “still, it just goes to prove you _are_ like me, you can have other friends, nice friends. Friends who appreciate you, like I do,” Lily declared unsuccessfully trying to stifle a yawn.

“I suppose I can.”

“Hmmm, guess that means I was right.”

“Guess so.”

For several long minutes Lily said nothing else and Severus was convinced she had fallen asleep. Then he felt a hand brush through his hair. Startled he jumped slightly.

“Sorry, I wanted to know what your hair felt like,” Lily admitted sleepily.

“Oh. And?”

“And you have very fine hair.”

“I know. I hate it”

“But it’s incredibly soft. I like it like this.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Lily gave another big yawn and snuggled in closer to his chest. Soon the only noise in the room was the rhythmic sound of Lily’s breathing and the faint chatter from downstairs. Severus knew he really should wake Lily so they could go back to the lounge but he was tired himself and supposed no one would miss them if he closed his eyes for a minute or two. He gently placed a kiss on the top of Lily’s head, then, unable to stop himself, he whispered “I love you Lily,” before closing his own eyes.

After the last guest left it occurred to Violet she hadn’t seen either Lily or Severus in quite some time. She left May, Cris and Helen to clean up the lounge, Petunia had gone back to the B&B with the Dursleys, and mounted the steps. At the door of Lily’s room she paused, there on the bed, fast asleep, lay Lily, head resting on Severus’ chest. Even though the boy was obviously as sound asleep as the girl, his arms were clutched tightly around her, as though to protect her from the pain life had inflicted upon her.

Violet stood for several minutes watching them; the two were breathing in perfect unison, their chests rising and falling as one. Lily’s long red locks were enmeshed with Severus’ black ones, which for once looked soft and shining. Violet didn’t have the heart to wake them; they looked so peaceful and serene. Softly she pulled the door to her, careful to leave it open a crack.

She wondered if Lily knew how lucky she was to be so loved. Violet hoped so. For one moment she envied her young daughter, lying safe and warm in the arms of someone who genuinely adored her. Violet now knew it was a blessing that could be terribly fleeting and one which she would never have again.

 


	10. Back to Hogwarts

September first arrived far too quickly for Severus. With the exception of the last week and a half it had easily been the best summer of his life and deep down he felt it would almost be worth dealing with his parents to avoid going back to Slytherin house and trying to climb out of the hole he had dug for himself. Severus had only been home once since the day he had run to Lily’s house. He found his parents were already in the midst of another terrific row and hadn’t even noticed he had been gone. So he packed his trunk, grabbed his wand, took enough money from its hiding spot to pay for his supplies for the year and thumped down the stairs and outside to where Crispin was waiting in his car. He spent the remainder of the summer sharing the Evans’ guestroom with Crispin, who, like himself, only made one brief visit to the Hall house.

The death of Mr. Evans had brought the foursome even closer together. In the last two weeks they had become inseparable - where one of them was the other three were sure to be. The only exception had been when Lily and Severus had gone to Diagon Alley to get their school supplies. Normally there would have been a lot of dallying. They would have spent hours looking at every new book in Flourish and Blotts then gone to eat ice cream at Florean Fortescue’s but this time they merely grabbed the required books, picked up some much needed ingredients to refill their potions kits and bought Severus his new robes. It must have been the shortest trip to Diagon Alley ever made.

 The rest of the day was spent shopping in London, where Crispin had gotten so much new clothing he insisted on giving his old wardrobe to the boy he was starting to think of as the younger brother he had always wanted. Much to Lily’s surprise Severus had accepted the clothes graciously. Later that day she saw Severus handing Crispin several rolls of parchment and a quill along with detailed instructions on how to use owl post.

The group had finally been torn apart the day before when May had left to go to finishing school. At Violet’s instance there had been a farewell party that last night. May had repeatedly said she didn’t want to trouble anyone and in the end, she had only agreed when it became a party for all of them, including Petunia. Not that it had been a cheerful gathering by any stretch of the imagination. Both May and Severus were dreading returning to school, though for very different reasons, and were not in particularly cheerful moods. While Lily was feeling anxious about leaving her mother alone until Petunia announced she was not returning to do her Upper Sixth, something she clearly resented. Only Crispin was his usual cheerful self, chatting about how he knew the time between now and the Christmas holidays would fly. Lily wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince them or himself, but either way his enthusiasm became infectious and by the end of the night they were all slightly more cheerful. After Violet and Petunia had retired for the night the other two girls had snuck back downstairs to where the boys were and the four of them had fallen asleep on the lounge floor watching horrid late night movies.

The Halls had not bothered to come home from their foreign travels to see their daughter off to school, so it was Mrs. Evans and the group of friends who took Margaret to the airport. Everyone had tried to be cheerful but it was hard when May so obviously didn’t want to go. After tearfully hugging everyone and promising to write everyday May boarded the plane, leaving the rest of the family very quiet and subdued afterward. That night was the first Lily had been left alone since her father had died and she finally understood what Severus had been saying about how having people around made things easier. Unable to sleep she had finally gone into the guest room at 2 am and curled up on the bed next to Severus, even though he didn’t wake in the least his arms immediately wrapped around her and, feeling comforted, she had instantly fallen asleep. Lily had been a little nervous about what her mother would say when she found her daughter in bed with her best friend the next morning but Violet hadn’t mentioned it at all, much the way she had made no comment when she saw Severus coming out of Lily’s room the morning after the funeral.

That morning there had been a lot of frantic packing and running around looking for items that had somehow ended up scattered all over the house. Then Lily, Severus, Crispin and Violet had piled into the car to head down to London. Violet was quite grateful Crispin had stayed long enough to drive to King’s Cross and then drive her back north again. She knew it would make him late for the start of the term, which was something she would never have normally allowed, but driving all the way to London and back was something she had never done before. Besides, making the trip home by herself was more than she could handle and nothing would have induced Petunia to sit in a car with Severus for hours on end.

Once they arrived at King’s Cross, Severus and Crispin unloaded the trunks and hefted them onto a trolley.

“Have a good term dear and write me when you get there so I know you’ve both arrived safely,” said Violet as she hugged her daughter.

“Of course we will, mum.”

Violet smiled at Severus who took a quick look around and then gave Violet a brief hug.

“Thank you for everything Severus. Study hard this term and keep an eye on Lily for me.”

“I always do.”

Lily gave Crispin a lingering hug and then waited while he and Severus shook hands and exchanged promises to write. Then Lily and Severus passed through the barrier onto the platform, which was still fairly deserted since they had arrived rather early. This was just fine by Lily; she wasn’t looking forward to telling people about her father anyway.

“Where do you want to sit?” asked Severus, pushing the trolley down the length of the train.

“I have to ride up front with the prefects.”

“Oh, I forgot.”

“I promise I’ll come find you as soon as the meeting’s over. I can’t say I have much of a desire to patrol today.”

“All right, then how about I claim this one for us?” he asked pointing to the very last compartment on the train,

“Perfect,” she declared helping him to move their trunks on board. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Can you see if you can maybe keep everyone else out of here?”

“Don’t worry, I’m not likely to go too far astray in the next hour or so,” stated Severus guessing part of her concern was that he would end up in the company of his housemates.

“I know, I trust you. I’m just not sure I want much company.”

“Don’t worry, I think I can keep everyone away.”

“No curses, Sev!”

“Of course not! I was going to rely on my God-given scowling abilities.”

Lily laughed, “Now _that_ you can definitely do.”

“I know, I work hard at it,” he said with a laugh of his own.

Just then a large group of people burst through the barrier. Instantly the smile slid from his face to be replaced by the aforementioned scowl. He turned and clambered into the compartment.

“I’ll see you soon Lily,” he said digging in his trunk for his potions book.

Lily sighed as she turned away. She wished Severus wouldn’t shut down like that in front of others. If only their schoolmates could see the person she saw during the summer then she knew he would have many more friends. But she was beginning to understand that brusque manner was Severus’ way of protecting himself from being hurt.

Slowly she wandered down to the front of the Hogwarts Express and climbed into the prefects’ compartment. Not surprisingly she was the only passenger, though it didn’t remain that way for long. Within ten minutes the floodgates had opened, and there was a constant stream of people pouring through the barrier and onto the train. Each time the door of the compartment slid open Lily had to deal with another round of people asking her how her holidays were. She found she actually welcomed the arrival of the Slytherins as not one of them even acknowledged her existence, let alone asked her any questions. Just before the train started to pull out of the station the door opened and Remus Lupin entered. He was looking cheerful and slightly tanned; looking at him there was no doubt he had enjoyed his holidays.

“Here Remus, I saved you a spot!” Lily called out.

Remus sat down on the seat next to her. “How were your holidays?”

“I don’t really feel like talking about it, if that’s okay.”

“Is this still about what happened at the end of last year?”

“No, that’s sorted. I’ll tell you later Remus, when we’re not surrounded by a million people.”

“I’m here any time you’re ready.”

“Thanks,” Lily whispered as the door opened to admit the new Head boy and girl.

Within ten minutes Lily knew she was definitely going to enjoy Frank and Gwendolyn’s leadership much more then Horatio and Georgiana’s. For one thing it was clear both knew how to get to the point, there were no large blocks of pointless drivel like there had been the year before. And she really liked the fact that Frank handed out the first week’s schedules to the older prefects and then let them go, keeping only the new fifth years back for the standard ‘how to be a prefect’ lecture. Grateful to be released so soon Lily rushed off down the length of the train.

“Lily –” Remus called after her.

Lily stopped and turned back around to look at him.

“Do you want to join us in our compartment?”

“No thanks, not at all in the mood for Potter or Black at the moment.”

“We could try to find someplace quiet to talk if you want.”

Lily looked up and down the length of the train. Everywhere people were chattering and running in and out of compartments. The noise was almost deafening. “Here?” she asked quirking an eyebrow. “I think Diagon Alley the week before Christmas might be quieter.”

“Point well taken.”

“I promise we’ll talk later tonight.”

“If you change your mind we’re in the third carriage, fourth compartment.”

“Thank you Remus but I already told someone I would sit with them.”

“Alice and Mary are in our compartment with us.”

“I’m sure they are, but I’m actually meeting someone else.”

Lily saw the puzzled look Remus shot at her but she knew explaining her agreement with Severus would take a while and she just had to get away from this noise. And maybe she should see what Severus was all right with her sharing before she started spilling his secrets left, right and centre. Ignoring the shouts of greeting that followed her, Lily made her way to the end of the train. When she entered the compartment she saw two people, who she assumed were first years, had joined Severus. She flashed the two younger children a reassuring smile before sitting down next to the black haired boy who had his nose buried in a book. He looked up when he felt the seat next to him sag.

“Sorry, I did try,” he whispered looking pointedly at the first years.

“No, it’s fine.”

“You’re back quickly.”

“Yes, it was a short meeting. I think I’m going to like the new Head Boy and Girl.”

“And just who’s filling those distinguished positions?”

“Frank Longbottom and Gwendolyn Norwood.”

“Remind me who she is again.”

“Gwendolyn is a Ravenclaw.”

Severus sighed. “Another year without a Slytherin.”

“If you could see fit to staying out of trouble for a year then maybe you could be head boy next year.”

“Yes, I’m sure that would be a popular choice for the Headmaster to make,” he said wryly.

“I don’t think Dumbledore cares about who would be popular. He just wants to get the best candidates he can.”

“I think the chances of me being head boy are about the same as the Cannons’ sweeping the league.”

“I thought you didn’t like quidditch.”

“I don’t but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out they’re no good.”

“I suppose not. Though I still think you’d have a chance if you put a little effort into it,” Lily said reaching for her copy of _Wuthering Heights_.

Severus gave her a small, tight-lipped smile and turned his full attention back to his potions book. For the rest of the journey they sat reading. The only sound apart from the soft rustling of turning pages was the quiet whispers of the two boys in the corner. When the train reached Hogsmeade, Lily quickly scrambled out of the compartment.

“I have to go help organize the first years,” Lily yelled to Severus over the din of the train.

She saw him shout something back but was unable to hear what it was. Shrugging her shoulders and shaking her head she signalled she hadn’t understood. Finally, through gestures she was able to figure out he was telling her he would meet her later. Lily smiled and gave him a quick wave in agreement before she motioned the two first years that had shared their compartment forward.

Lily didn’t set eyes on Severus again until she was in the Great Hall seated next to Remus. On her other side Alice was animatedly telling Sirius about her family’s trip to Australia. It appeared Alice was still intent on getting into the Sirius Black girlfriend pool. Much to her dismay she saw Severus was seated next to Avery, who seemed to be talking his head off. While Severus had his obligatory book open in front of him he did seem to be listening to Avery and even making the occasional remark in return. She knew there was no way for him to avoid talking to the other Slytherins so she shouldn’t read too terribly much into it but she was still anxious; his decision to leave his old group was such a new thing she wasn’t sure how well it would stand up to a test yet.

Lily watched as the first years were sorted and then tried to pay as much attention as possible to what her friends had done over the summer all the while avoiding questions about her own break. When the feast was finally over Lily helped Remus gather the first years together and led them to the common room. There Remus gave the newcomers the customary talk about not handing out the password and how the boys weren’t allowed in the girl’s dorms, no exploding anything, curfew is at nine. Lily stood off to one side and listened, not bothering to interject until Remus was done. Then she turned and made her way towards the staircase up to the dorm.

“Wait a minute, Lily,” Remus called watching the first years disappear through the stone archways.

Lily stopped and turned. “Yes, Remus?”

“Are you ready to tell me what’s been going on? Because you haven’t been acting like yourself all night. Are you still upset about what happened with Snape?”

“No, I told you that’s taken care of.”

Remus looked at her doubtfully. Lily sighed, knowing she was going to have to tell someone what had happened sooner or later. Slowly she crossed to an overstuffed chair in front of the fire and motioned Remus to take the one opposite her. She waited until the sandy-haired boy had settled in before beginning.

“The truth is my dad…well, he died a couple of weeks ago.”

“Lily, I’m so sorry,” he said reaching across to take her hand.

“Thanks. I know it’s silly but I’m not really up to talking about it with everyone.”

“I understand.”

“Do you?”

“No, not really. I’ve never lost one of my parents but I can imagine it must be tough.”

“It is and I know people mean well, but all the pitying voices and hugs and whatnot get a little wearing after a while.”

“Is there anything you need me to do?”

“I know this is a huge favour to ask but if you could tell a couple of people for me I know it won’t take long for the news to spread through the whole school. Then at least I won’t have to talk about it with every other person I see.”

“Guess I need to hunt out Bertha Jorkins.”

“That _would_ do it. Listen Remus, I’m tired and I know the girls are going to pounce on me the moment I get upstairs so if it’s all right with you...”

“Oh, no, go, really, you don’t need to stay on my account.”

She gave him one last smile before making her way up to her room. Sure enough, once she entered the room her four roommates immediately seized her and began to bombard her with questions. Lily calmly began to tell them about her father’s passing determined not to cry. Somehow, and Lily wasn’t sure if it was deliberate on her part or not, she never got around to telling any of her roommates that she and Severus had made up, that he had been her rock during the last two weeks. She did feel a little guilty about that but rationalized it in her mind by telling herself she still hadn’t asked Severus how much he wanted people to know about his planned escape from the potential Death Eater camp.

By the next afternoon Lily was certain the entire school knew her father had passed away. Everywhere she went people looked at her with sympathy and there was the constant whisper of “sorry Lily.” Even the professors seemed to know because in each of her classes she had been held back and told if her work wasn’t up to her usual standard it would be understandable. She tried to ignore it and go about her day as she normally would, but she found it difficult. By the time she sat down at the Gryffindor table for supper her temper was stretched to the breaking point.

That’s when she saw Severus sit down between Mulciber and Avery. He gave her a little smile before turning his attention to the plate in front of him. For several minutes she watched, wondering why he had chosen that spot when there appeared to be several others free further down the table. The two Slytherins on either side of him seemed to be having a heated discussion, one Severus appeared not to be taking part in. Just as Lily was beginning to rejoice in Severus’ ability to distance himself from that lot he looked at Avery and began speaking. For Lily it was the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back. She rose from the table and raced out of the Great Hall and back to her dorm.

Severus watched her go and attempted to rise and follow her but a hand on his arm stopped him. “Well, Snape what do you think?”

“I really don’t care, Avery,” he drawled not even sure of what they were talking about anymore.

“So you’ll switch places with me?”

“What?”

“Snape, you need to move to the bed closer to the corner.”

“Why, may I ask?”

“Because I want Vincent’s spot.”

“And what has that got to do with me?”

“He won’t move unless he gets your bed. Just move, Snape, you don’t need a decent bed. Honestly it’s not as if you ever have company. Unless you and the mudblood…”

“My personal life is none of your concern!”

“You know if I were a jumped-up half-blood, I would keep a civil tongue in my mouth.”

Severus felt his hand start to shake. He knew he was dangerously close to losing his temper. Before, he had always kept it in check because he knew Avery was well connected and would be able to help him move up the ladder once he joined Voldemort’s ranks, now he had to do it for Lily’s sake, for his own, so he could get out of this mess and have a normal life, whatever that was. Taking a deep breath in he calmly answered: “Pardon me, Avery, I wasn’t trying to be uncivil. I just don’t want to discuss whom I do what with. Not my style and I find the girls prefer it as well. Discretion, and all that.”

Mulciber looked at Avery and smirked. “Might want to take a leaf out of Snape’s book Marius, never hear talk of him and his girls. Of course, it could be that he hasn’t got any.”

Severus knew he shouldn’t rise to the bait. Mulciber and Avery were constantly trying to find out if he had had sex yet. He had always known it would be the height of stupidity to say that he was saving himself for Lily so occasionally he dropped hints he might have done something over the holidays. Then he thought back to the feeling of waking up with Lily in his arms yesterday morning and smiled to himself. That was better than empty, meaningless sex with some nameless girl any day. “Actually I am fairly well provided for but thank you for asking.”

His two roommates looked intrigued by the information he had just passed on. “Who is she Snape?”

“Ah yes, well that would be the whole part about not kissing and telling, wouldn’t it? Now if you will excuse me I have some homework I should get done.”

“Come on, Snape it’s the first day of classes.”

“Yes, I know but I prefer to get it over and done with.”

“Fine, just make sure you’ve moved by the time we get back.”

“Of course.” And picking up his bag he walked from the hall. Briefly Severus wondered if he would still be able to catch up to Lily before she made it to the Gryffindor common room. Clearly she was not doing well and he wanted to make sure she didn’t need anything. But she had such a head start he knew he would never get to the tower before her. Instead he walked down to the dorm and moved his belongings over to the bed in the far corner. Maybe this would be better. It was certainly more isolated than the rest of the beds.

Pulling out his History of Magic notes he tried to focus on what Professor Binns had said today about the founding of the Wizengamot but found he was unable to concentrate. Now that he was back at school the situation he was in had become all too real. Severus knew if ever there was a time to be cunning, this was it. The only problem was, as hard as he thought he couldn’t come up with a way to get away from this group of junior Death Eaters and still remain, well, _alive_.

He sighed and rolled over onto his back, placing his hands beneath his head. There had to be a way; he just hadn’t thought of it yet. He wished there was someone to ask but to the best of his knowledge no one had strayed from the path they were all on and once you were a Death Eater the only way out was death. But he wasn’t one of them and never would be. His head was starting to pound so he put the notes into his new bedside cabinet, pulled out a headache potion he had made and downed it in one gulp. Knowing he would soon be asleep he quickly changed into an old nightshirt and slid between the sheets. Tomorrow he would talk to Lily and then everything would be better.

The next morning Lily dressed for breakfast and went down to the Great Hall amid the continual whispers and hand squeezing. If people didn’t stop soon she was going to have to tell Remus that he would have to persuade Potter and Black to do one of their idiotic pranks so people would have something else to talk about. She was half way through her eggs when Remus sat down next to her.

“I heard you’ve dropped divination.”

Lily let out a sigh of relief.

“I didn’t realize you hated it that much.”

“No, I’m just glad you’re not telling me you’re sorry or that things will better soon or any of the other platitudes people have been throwing my way. But yes, to answer your question, I have dropped divination.”

“So you won’t be going around telling us our futures anymore then?”

“Remus, I never attempted to tell you your future.”

“I know but I always figured you would if I asked.”

Lily laughed. “Are you asking me to now?”

“Might be interesting.”

“If there’s time when we’re done eating I’ll try reading your tea leaves.”

“Deal.”

It quickly became apparent to Lily that Remus was intent on having his fortune told because he devoured his breakfast like a half starved dog. With only moments to spare he handed her his empty teacup. Lily peered in at the leaves but had no idea what they meant so she made up a crazy tale about his future career as a man who caught escaped hippogriffs. Laughingly they left the Great Hall on their way to Ancient Runes. Lily was so caught up in her improbable tale she failed to notice Severus standing by the door waiting for her, nor did she see the look of disappointment on his face when she walked by without a glance in his direction.

Severus tried to get Lily’s attention all day. He even gave up his one free period to wait outside of the Charms classroom hoping to talk to her but she came out surrounded by her usual pack of Gryffindors. Dejected, Severus had gone to the library, done his homework and gone to bed. He lay there for a long time trying not to feel angry or bitter at Lily; he couldn’t expect her to come running every time he wanted her, but truthfully a part of him felt betrayed.

He thought he had come up with a plan to remove himself from the Slytherin group but was now starting to question it. In doing this would he be cutting himself off from the only group of friends he had here at Hogwarts? Was Lily even interested in being his friend at school anymore? Or was he someone she would only speak to if there were no one else around so she wouldn’t have to be embarrassed by him? He tried to cling to the memory of the last two weeks, how she had called him when Daniel had died, how it was his hand she had held onto all day the day of the funeral, how it was his bed she had crawled into when she couldn’t sleep, but somehow it didn’t help. For reasons he couldn’t fathom she didn’t appear to want him now and the truth was that hurt. Restlessly he rolled over to face the wall and counted the cracks in the stones until he fell to sleep.

The next morning Lily watched as Severus entered the Great Hall and sat down at the Slytherin table right next to Avery. Avery immediately began talking with Severus who seemed more than willing to talk back. Lily was starting to wonder if she was fooling herself. Did Severus really want out of that group or had he just said he did to get back into her good graces? Her taste for the meal fled and she picked up her bag and marched off to Transfiguration.

Why was he still talking to those prats? She knew he had to be civil but there was a big difference between doing that and having a long-winded discussion with them, which was clearly what he was doing with Avery. Lily was so upset that Transfiguration class was the worst she had ever had at Hogwarts. At the end of the lesson Professor McGonagall had held her back and asked if anything was the matter. Lily said she supposed she was still upset about her father’s passing. The head of Gryffindor house had given her a tearful smile and told her she understood completely.

And so it continued for the next two days. Lily watched Severus whenever she could, though she was careful not to let him see and went out of her way not to speak to him, even going so far as to sit with Remus in Potions on Wednesday. By the time she had reached Defence Against the Dark Arts with the Slytherins she was downright furious with Severus. After three solid days of observing him, it appeared to Lily that Severus had fallen right back into his old patterns, and seemed to be constantly in the company of Mulciber and Avery.

“Hello, Lily,” said a soft voice as it passed by her.

Lily watched as Severus crossed the room to his preferred seat. Once he was settled she shot him a look of fury. She felt guilty for one moment when she saw the confusion flit across his face, but it was quickly replaced by his usual look of determination. After another abysmal class Lily grabbed her bag and walked off towards the staircase so she could spend her lunch hour in the common room. She hadn’t gotten very far when she felt a hand grab her by the elbow and steer her into an empty classroom.

“What’s wrong, Lily?” the boy asked as he shut the door behind them.

“Absolutely nothing, Severus. Now please let me pass.”

“Not until you tell me what I’ve done to make you angry with me!” he demanded, pressing his back against the door.

“I think you know what you’ve done!” she snapped.

“I can assure you I don’t.”

“All right, it’s more what you _haven’t_ done.”

“Meaning?”

“You’re still talking to them, aren’t you? Tell me, Sev, have you told them yet that you don’t want to be a Death Eater anymore or was that just a ploy for my benefit this summer?”

Severus felt his temper flare. He had never been this angry with Lily before. He felt the blood rushing to his cheeks and his wand hand was beginning to shake, a sure sign he was close to snapping, but for once he didn’t care. “You’re a fine one to talk! Tell me, Lily, how many of your Gryffindor friends have you told that we’ve made up? Any of them? You expect me to change my whole life. To be at your beck and call and then you don’t even deign to speak to me. How is that right or fair? You have no idea what it is you’ve asked me to do! What it could cost me! You just expect me to do it; no questions asked, no support, no friendship, nothing! Well I’m willing to try to change but I think you should be willing to give me something in return!” Severus jerked the door open and strode from the room without a backwards glance.

Lily stood watching him go in shock. Severus never raised his voice to her and after meeting his parents she knew why. She also knew the very fact he was willing to risk her displeasure meant he was deeply upset. Lily felt her own anger start to fade. With a start she realized Severus was right. She hadn’t told any of her friends they had made up. Nor had she spoken to him even once since leaving the Express. She had asked him to do this for her and while she thought he was being slightly melodramatic about the whole situation she did owe him her support and friendship.

“Bugger,” she muttered under her breath. This time it was she who had mucked up. She was the one who needed to go and apologize to him. She adjusted the bag on her shoulder and went to look for him in the Great Hall, but Severus never turned up for lunch. She knew she shouldn’t be surprised: Severus usually skived off meals when he was upset. But Lily knew him well enough to know that short of a life-threatening illness there was no way he would miss a class so she went to wait for him outside of the Arithmancy classroom.

As she suspected Severus was the last person to exit the room. He was so engrossed in his notes he failed to see her until she spoke his name.

“Sev,” she said urgently

Slowly he looked up from the piece of parchment in his hand. Usually his eyes lit up when he saw her but this time they merely looked wary.

“I’m sorry, you were right. I should tell people we’re friends. I want to tell them, honestly. It’s just all been so crazy, not that that’s an excuse. I suppose I was being thoughtless. I hope you can forgive me.”

His eyes searched her face for several long moments, apparently looking for something. Whatever it was he was seeking evidently he saw it because he let out a long sigh and said, “You know I will.”

“I promise to be a better friend in the future. But Sev, you are going to tell them you’ve changed your mind, aren’t you?”

“Lil, it’s more complicated than that.”

“How so?” she questioned sharply.

Severus watched the form of Regulus Black coming down the hall. He knew he couldn’t say anything in front of the fifth year who was already deep in the Slytherin inner circle. “I can’t explain right now. I have to get to Herbology.” And with that he turned and sped off down the corridor.

Lily shook her head in puzzlement but as she needed to get to History of Magic she didn’t have much time to contemplate what had gotten into her best friend now. On her way to dinner that night she felt a piece of parchment being pressed into her hand. Turning, she caught a glimpse of Severus heading up the staircase towards the library. Lily waited until she got to her seat at the table before opening the note underneath it. Luckily everybody seemed to be caught up in watching Potter explain his quidditch tactics for the year so she was able to read in peace.

_Meet me tonight at 7:00 in the potions room. I_ _’_ _ll explain everything then._

_Sev_

At quarter to seven Lily slipped away from the group at the Gryffindor table and made her way down to the dungeons and the Potions classroom. Pushing on the door she looked into what appeared to be an empty room.

“Sev?”

“I’m here,” he said emerging from behind the student store cupboard arms overflowing.

“Sev, what are you doing? If Professor Slughorn finds us…”

“It’s fine, I got permission. I showed Slughorn the potions book you got me this summer and said we would like to try to make a few things out of it if he would be willing to let us use the room from time to time.”

“And he agreed?”

“Yes, apparently nothing’s too much to ask when you are one of his prized pupils.”

“Guess there are advantages to being in the Slug Club.”

“Hmm,” Severus hummed as he set up his cauldron and lit the fire under it.

“Sev, are we going to talk or make a potion?”

“Is there something that says we can’t do both?”

“No.”

“Besides, I think it’s best if we do what I said we were going to just in case Slughorn decides to look in on us.”

“That _would_ be just like him,” agreed Lily, dropping her bag on the ground next to the table. “So what are we making?”

“This,” said Severus, pointing one of his long fingers at a small paragraph.

Lily quickly read the instructions. “Is it some kind of headache curative?”

“It doesn’t say what it does precisely but that does seem to be the general idea. I’ve gotten all the ingredients out already,” he said while chopping ginger.

For a minute Lily watched him. It was always somehow soothing to watch Severus make a potion, maybe because he had such a natural instinct for it. Sensing his eyes on her she quickly looked at the instructions and began to prepare the next ingredient.

“So, you said you would explain everything when I got here.”

“Yes,” he stated, and then spent several moments digging through the assembled items before triumphantly producing a flask of clear liquid.

“Do I have to pry it out of you kicking and screaming?”

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t.”

“Well then?”

“I’m not sure where to start.”

“How about starting with why you are continuing to talk to Avery and Mulciber.”

“Lily, I can hardly ignore them when they say something directly to me. I have to sleep in the same room with them and I prefer to wake up in the same condition I went to bed in.”

“I understand that, but you’ve eaten every meal with them since we got back.”

“Have I?” He sounded genuinely puzzled and looked at the wall intently as if trying to remember where he had eaten the last several meals.

“Yes, you’ve sat in the exact same spot next to them every day.”

A look of realization swept across his face. “Add that now,” he said pointing to the shredded roots in front of her. “That has nothing to do with them.”

“Then why do you sit there?”

Turning away Severus muttered something that was totally incomprehensible to Lily.

“What was that?”

“I said, I sit where I can best see you,” muttered Severus, his cheeks flushing crimson.

“Why?”

“Because I was worried about you.”

“Why didn’t you just come and ask me if I was all right?”

“I tried, but you walked right past me. I might as well have been disillusioned for all the attention you paid to me. It’s been that way all week.” For a moment he sounded vaguely bitter.

“Oh Sev, I’m so sorry. I must not have seen you.”

“Every time?” He quirked an eyebrow at her and she knew he didn’t believe her.

“Okay, I admit I avoided you yesterday, but only because I was angry you were still talking to that lot.”

“Ahh, would that be the lot of undesirable friends?” he asked handing her a container of hellebore

“Do you consider them to be undesirable?”

“I’m standing here with you, aren’t I?”

“Yes, you are,” she said with a smile.

Lily carefully measured out the hellebore and began to tip it into the cauldron.

“Wait!” said Severus grabbing her wrist. “That’s too much.”

“This is exactly the amount the book calls for.”

“I know but it’s still too much. If we just put in half the hellebore and add a drop of…”

“Sev, stop.”

He ceased rummaging in the wooden box where he kept his personal supplies and looked up at her questioningly.

“Can we please just once make a potion the way the book says before you start tweaking it?”

He looked at her doubtfully for a moment and then nodded his head. “All right, but my way would be better.”

Lily dropped the hellebore in. “I don’t doubt it but I’d still like to know the official method. I have noticed the examiners tend to prefer that to the Severus Snape method. Even if the Severus Snape method does get you better results.”

“You have a point there.”

“Hmm maybe someday you’ll learn I always have a point.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I already know you always have a point.”

“So, speaking of methods, what is the Severus Snape method for getting out of a group of undesirable friends?” she asked as he began to stir the potion counter-clock wise.

“Well, seeing as Severus Snape has never before tried to rid himself of a friend, not having many in the first place, undesirable or not, there really isn’t a method, more like a rough plan.”

“And may his best friend ask what this rough plan is?”

“Honestly I think mostly it involves keeping a low profile and hoping they forget about me.”

“Do you think that will work?”

“I don’t know. I hope so. And on the plus side I do seem to be fairly forgettable.”

Lily reached out and touched the hand that was not currently stirring the potion. “Sev, you’re not at all forgettable.”

“Tell that to my parents,” he muttered under his breath

“What?” asked Lily. She was reasonably certain she had heard what he had said but wanted to be sure.

“Nothing.”

“Sev.”

“Just a minute, I have to add the powdered unicorn horn at just the right moment or the potion will be ruined.”

Lily watched him slowly stirring the contents of the cauldron and knew he was deliberately taking his time so she would forget what they had been talking about. Maybe it wasn’t worth pressing it at this point. After he released the powder he looked up at her.

“Now what?” she asked.

“The book says we let it steep for 20 minutes.” Lily could tell he didn’t agree with this but still he turned down the heat and moved away, sitting down on the table behind him.

Lily quickly joined him, swinging her legs back and forth. “So where were we?”

“The Severus Snape rough plan for getting rid of undesirable friends.”

“Oh yes. Well, I think there may be a flaw or two in that plan.”

“So I gathered. Though I must say you might be the only person in the world who finds me unforgettable.”

“I don’t think so. In fact I do believe I could name several people who would agree with me.”

“Such as?”

“My mum, your gram”

“Lily, she’s gone.”

“Fine what about Cris and May? Or every professor in this castle? How about Potter and his group of Marauders?”

“Wait! Do you really think I care what those idiots think of me?”

“No, but clearly they don’t forget about you.”

“Wish they would.”

“I know. Leaving them aside for a moment and returning to the aforementioned professors, are you really willing to start doing poorly in school just to escape attention?”

“What do my marks have to do with any of this?”

“Oh please Sev, you answer at least one question per class per day. Everyone knows it.”

“So?”

“So, it calls attention to you. And if you didn’t do it, well then people would start to think you were at the point of death or that the world was going to end tomorrow and that would cause even more attention”

“I’m not that bad!”

Lily scoffed. “Sure.”

“Okay, maybe I am. But Lily, this is the only plan I have. If you have another I’m willing to hear it.”

“What about just telling them you’re not interested anymore?”

“Not an option.”

“Why not?”

“Because you don’t get to just quit being a Death Eater. There’s only one way out and it involves a…”

“A what?”

“Let’s just say you’re not breathing at the end of it.”

“They kill you?” exclaimed Lily.

“Yes.”

“But Sev, you’re not…I mean you don’t have…”

“No, I’m not an actual Death Eater, that’s why I think there’s a possibility for me to get out, but still, walking into the Slytherin common room and saying, ‘Hello, how are you all tonight? By the way changed my mind about the whole Death Eater thing’ is probably not the best idea in the world.”

“Do you think that they’ll hurt you?” asked Lily worriedly.

In actuality this was exactly what Severus was afraid of and he hadn’t even ruled out the possibility they might still kill him. But nothing on this earth was going to get him to admit that to Lily. Just as nothing would get him to become a Death Eater now she had told him he had to leave them if he had any prayer of ever having her. And Severus wanted nothing more than to wake up with her in his arms every day for the rest of his life. It had just been too good of a thing to toss away on money or power.

“Sev.”

“Not if I do it right.”

“Maybe you could ask Cris for some advice.”

“No!”

“Why not, you’re writing each other, aren’t you?”

“Yes we are. But Lily, Cris and I just became friends; I don’t want him to have a poor impression of me. That’s why I didn’t ask Violet or…”

“Dad.”

“Yes.”

“Oh Sev, they all know people make mistakes, they would understand and help you.”

“Lily, how can I look at them and tell them what the Death Eaters want to do? What would I say when they asked me if I thought you deserved to be dead?”

“Tell them what you told me. Tell them the truth.”

“What, that I was too stupid to think of that? Or that I naively thought I could protect you? That I am, in fact, a huge dunderhead? I just can’t, Lily, please don’t ask me to.”

“Oh Sev, I wish you would trust others enough to know that while they might be disappointed for a little bit, the ones who are truly your friends would ultimately forgive you.”

“I can’t take that chance, Lil. I wish I could but I can’t”

“Sev, why can’t you just trust us? Why can’t you believe there is nothing you could do that would make us stop loving you?”

The shock was evident on his face when he looked at her. “You love me?”

Lily laughed and nudged him with her shoulder. “Sev, you’re my best friend, of course I love you!”

“Oh, yes that does make sense.” He jumped off the table and peered down into the cauldron. “I think it’s almost ready.”

Clearly Severus wasn’t ready to return the sentiment right now. Lily knew it wasn’t wise to press the issue because as much as she wanted to know Severus loved her she wasn’t sure she was ready to hear he was _in_ love with her. So she decided to let it be for now. Instead, she leapt down from the table and joined him, peering down into the bubbling caldron. Wafts of foul smelling steam were drifting from the surface of the pea green concoction.

“Lily, go!” Severus barked pushing her back from the cauldron.

“Sev, have you lost…” Lily was startled when he grabbed her hand and dragged her under a table several rows back. She could hear a sound like bacon sizzling and then suddenly there was a large pop and a shower of congealed green gung fell from the sky.

“I knew we shouldn’t have used all that hellebore,” Severus said crawling out from under the table.

Lily looked around at the classroom that was liberally streaked with slime and began to laugh. Severus turned and looked at her. “I fail to see what it is that’s so funny. It’ll take us half the night to clean this mess up.”

“Look at me with all my fine talk about trust. Maybe I should take a little of my own advice.” Lily could tell Severus still didn’t know what she found so amusing. “From now on Sev, tweak away!”

“Gladly!” he answered with a laugh.

 


	11. The Way Back to Good

The next morning Lily sat down at the Gryffindor table and tried to stifle a yawn. Across the room she could see Severus staring bleary eyed at a bowl of porridge. As he had predicted, it had taken them hours to clean up the classroom the night before. For reasons neither of them could fathom the potion remnants refused to be cleared by any magical means. Not even Severus could find a spell in his vast repertoire that would remove the sludge. So, in the end they settled for Mrs. Scower’s Magical Mess Remover and good old-fashioned elbow grease.

While they scrubbed Lily had asked Severus if he minded her telling people he was leaving his current clique. After some thought he concluded it was probably better for him to get out first, since he had no desire to tell the Slytherins that was what he was doing. Besides, he didn’t even a hard and fast plan of how to leave yet, though he supposed strangers coming up and telling them he was going was a plan. Severus had laughed a little nervously at that point but Lily had not been amused.

She was starting to realize getting Severus away from the Death Eaters might be more complicated than she had initially thought. So she had tried to think of a better plan, but like Severus she was drawing a blank. On the other hand, Lily had thought of a way to simultaneously tell all her friends she and Severus had made up and make it perfectly clear to him she was proud to be his friend.

Overhead the sound of owls filled the Great Hall and Lily watched as large brown screech owl landed in front of Severus. It seemed to take a moment for him to realize the owl was for him, but he finally reached this conclusion and untied a roll of parchment from its leg. He tossed the owl a couple of bacon rinds before opening the letter, a slight smile causing the corners of his lips to curl up faintly. Lily was so intent on watching Severus she failed to notice her own owl, Archimedes, was standing in front of her, patiently holding out his leg and looking for all the world like he was annoyed. Lily took the piece of parchment from his leg and watched while he took a drink of pumpkin juice before flying off. Lily unrolled the letter to see May’s elegant writing.

_Hello Lily,_

_I hope you and Severus got back to school all right, and you are both having a good start of term. I know I promised to write everyday but they really do watch you almost every minute here and my roommate is such a snoop makes it rather hard to send letters by an owl._

_Speaking of roommates, mine is a called Marguerite. I suppose someone thought it would be amusing to put the two Margarets together. Unfortunately they didn’t appear to have considered whether or not we would have anything in common, which, of course, we don’t. Frankly, I didn’t know any one person could have so much clothing. There are clothes strewn everywhere and I don’t even want to talk about the mountain of cosmetics. And as if that weren’t bad enough her highness considers me to be de classe. I suppose it is because my family is not aristocracy, which of course hers is. I have been subjected to repeated accounts of her entire family history. Needless to say everyone here loves to relate their family tree to you ad nauseum, and in great detail. So the fact that I am descended from a man who made his fortune in cotton mills is not seen as particularly impressive._

_You know most of the time I don’t like to generalize about a particular group of people but these girls must be the most snobbish group of “young ladies” in the world. I’m not like that am I? I know you would say I’m not, but then you’re so nice to everyone I’m not entirely sure I can trust your judgement on this one. Go ask Severus for me, I know he would tell me the truth._

_As for classes, well they are completely pointless so far. Yesterday I actually had a class on how to sit and cross your legs properly. Does that require a class? Isn’t that something you should just know how to do? I am trying to make the best of things, I promise. I just wish I were home with the three of you. Wouldn’t it have been nice if we could have all gone to school together? I can clearly picture us all sitting in your lounge every night doing our homework, your mum supplying us with a never-ending pile of biscuits. Do you think Petunia ever realizes how lucky she is to be able to go home at the end of every day and just be herself? Probably not. Well, I have to go. I have French class now, something I am quite looking forward to. Tell Severus I said hello. Have I said I miss you both? Write back soon._

_Lots of Love to You Both,_

_May_

_P.S. They absolutely insist on calling me Margaret here! I hate that!_

_P.P.S. Only 104 more days until Christmas Holidays!_

 

Lily smiled to herself as she rolled the letter back up again. May’s finishing school certainly sounded odd, which was amusing considering the type of school she went to. She couldn’t wait until Severus read about classes on how to sit. Stuffing the letter in her bag, she rose with the rest of her housemates to go to double potions. Behind her, she could hear Mary chattering to Potter about a quidditch game they had both attended over the summer. Of course Potter was sure he could have made the nearly impossible shot that was missed by the Cannon’s Chaser.  He really did think a lot of himself didn’t he? Remus was walking next to her, studying his notes from Wednesday’s lesson. How he avoided walking into anything or anyone Lily couldn’t figure out. But then it was a talent Severus seemed equally skilled at, since he was doing the same thing a few yards in front of them.

“Well look who we have here, if it isn’t Snivellus.” Sirius drawled.

“Looking as greasy as ever. Guess he didn’t discover shampoo over the holidays.” added James. Beside him Peter Pettigrew chuckled.

Lily could see a crease forming between Remus’ eyes and knew he was listening. She also knew he would do nothing to stop his two friends so it looked like it was up to her again. Whipping her head around she bit back “When are you going to grow up Potter?”

He looked at her completely dumbfounded for a moment, his mouth hanging open in shock. “Come on Evans, I was only joking.”

“You know Potter maybe you should worry about improving yourself before you go trying to change others!” She quickly sped up to distance herself from the group.

“What happened? I thought she hated Snape now.” Asked James in a puzzled voice.

Lily didn’t hear Sirius’ reply. Next to her, Remus had also picked up his pace, matching her stride for stride. “When are you going to stand up to them and tell them they’re being idiots?” she asked.

“They’re my friends, Lily.”

“That doesn’t make what they do right.”

“I know that and don’t assume I haven’t said anything to them.”

“Have you?”

“Several times.”

“Oh…I’m sorry I made the assumption you hadn’t.”

“It’s all right. Listen, do you mind if we don’t partner in potions because Peter’s not doing so well and he asked…?”

“Why is Peter even taking N.E.W.T. level potions?”

“I think because the rest of us are.”

“He’ll never make it.”

“I know and that’s why I think I should help him.”

“Go ahead Remus, I’m sure I can find another partner.”

“Thank you, Lily, you’re the best.” Remus broke off from Lily when they entered the room and sat at the back table. Probably in the hopes that Professor Slughorn would never make it back that far to see whatever disaster it was Pettigrew had brewed that day.

At the front of the classroom, book already opened in front of him, sat Severus. Lily shifted her bag and resolutely walked to the table. Severus didn’t even look up as put her bag on the table and pulled the seat out.

“Good morning,” she whispered as she settled into the seat. Taking the piece of parchment from her bag she slid it over to him “Here, this is from May.”

For a moment he looked startled and then he leaned down and rummaged in his own bag. “This one is from Cris.” he said passing his letter to her.

Lily started to unroll the letter but never finished because the next moment Mary MacDonald was whispering in her ear. “What are you doing Lily?”

“What do you mean?” asked Lily.

“Why are you sitting with him?” Mary asked nodding her head in Severus’ direction. “You know the partners we pick today are our partners all year.” Mary wasn’t even attempting to be quiet now.

Lily could see Severus’ hand starting to shake. “Yes, I do.”

“Well then?”

Lily raised her voice so that the whole classroom could hear. “Then I guess I am going to be partners with my best friend this year.”

Mary was looking at her in complete shock and was opening her mouth to reply when Professor Slughorn bounced into the room “Settle down everyone.” he called, though the room was completely silent in the wake of Lily’s declaration. “Miss MacDonald if you could take your seat please, we have a lot to cover today.”

With one last exasperated look Mary turned and walked back to the desk she was sharing with Sabrina Tattington. “Thank you.” Severus whispered to Lily before tucking May’s letter into his book.

“I only told her the truth, besides I told you I was going to tell my housemates we had made up.”

“I know, I just didn’t think you would be quite so public about it.”

“Well now everyone knows. And it’s not as if we have anything to be ashamed of.” she smiled at him before focusing her full attention on Professor Slughorn, who was bustling around his desk.

Next to her Severus was revelling in the fact Lily had so openly declared he was her best friend. He could feel all the Slytherins looking at him with something akin to awe, while the Gryffindors were glaring at him as if he were the very worst of evils. He knew that that night all of Slytherin House would be asking how he managed to get Lily to speak to him again after what happened at the end of last term. How was he going to explain that without telling them what he had agreed to?

“Just tell them you talked me round.” Lily whispered.

“You know me too well.”

“Lucky for you.”

“As I mentioned last period the partners you choose today will be your partner for the remainder of the year. So if anyone would like to move this would be the time to do it.” Slughorn declared bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Severus could hear a couple of people moving behind him. He knew that everyone was waiting for Lily to stand and move back to one of the tables with the other Gryffindor girls. Part of him very much wanted to turn and smirk at Potter when she didn’t but he supposed if he was going to change part of that change should be acting slightly more mature where that group of pesky Gryffindors was concerned. Severus vowed this year he would not allow Potter to antagonize him into doing or saying anything he would regret. While waiting for everyone to settle back down a note in the corner of the open page caught his eye. Picking up his quill he dipped it into his ink and drew a line through the word _Sectumsempra_ , if he was going to make a break it might as well be a clean one.

“What is that?” Lily inquired looking at the book.

“Nothing. Just something I was trying but it doesn’t work, so...” Severus replied with a shrugged.

“What was it meant to do?”

“Help you cut potion ingredients without having to use a knife.” he quickly lied.

“That would have been useful. Too bad it doesn’t work.”

“Yes.” Severus agreed. The truth was the spell worked fine, or at least it had on Potter last term. He wondered if he could alter the spell to cut roots and the like. Grabbing a small piece of parchment from his bag he scribbled a note to research the idea onto it and then stuffed it into his pocket.

Beside him he could hear Lily chuckling. Severus wondered what it was she found so entertaining, but he had no opportunity to ask as Slughorn was laying out their task for the day. Apparently as a treat this year they were going to make Polyjuice potion. Most of the class welcomed the news until Slughorn explained the potions would be locked away in an undisclosed location between classes and the students would not be testing their brews themselves. Severus frowned a little at this news, he didn’t like the idea of being without a cauldron for the length of the project. Noticing his disgruntled look Lily quickly scrawled on a piece of parchment

_What’s_ _wrong_ _?_ _?_

**_Are you kidding? I_ ** **_’_ ** **_m going to have no cauldron for a month. What_ ** **_’_ ** **_s right_ ** **_?_ **

_I suppose you’ll just have to find something else to do with your time._

**_Such as?_ **

_I’m sure you’ll come up with something. How about working on one of the things you write on all those scraps of parchment_ _?_

Around the room chairs were scrapping across the floor as students rose and began to make their way to the front of the classroom to collect their supplies. Severus and Lily quickly joined the queue.

“What are you talking about?” he asked her, trying to ignore the fact that Potter and Black were now standing right behind him. He supposed they would take the earliest possible opportunity after class to jinx him.

Lily seemed blissfully unaware of the coming retaliation and ploughed ahead with their conversation. “Sev, every time I see you you’re stuffing some little piece of parchment into your pocket. You must have a dozen by the end of every day.”

“They’re not all projects Lily. Some of them are homework assignments or reminders.”

“Reminders for what?”

“Books I want to read or ideas I’ve had. Changes to potions I think might improve them. Changes I now won’t be able to test.” he added glumly.

Lily laughed “Honestly Sev, you act as if Slughorn has asked you to chop off your right hand. You’ll make it, I promise and I know at least a few of those notes are projects. Like that cutting spell, you should work on that.”

“Or maybe he could work on washing his greasy head.” Sirius Black suggested.

Lily was prepared to turn around and tell Black off when she heard the boy next to her drawl “Yes, well you see Black, some of us are more concerned with what’s in our head than what’s on it, but I suppose you have to work with what resources you’ve got.

“Lily, I’ve been meaning to ask you, next time you write Violet can you ask her if she’s seen my Transfiguration book anywhere. I seem to have left it at your house.”

“Of course I can, but you know mum would love it if you wrote to her yourself.” Lily encouraged, shuffling a little closer to Slughorn’s desk.

“I know, but it seems silly to have two owls make the trip.”

“I suppose that’s true. Do you know where you left it?”

“I think I had it in the bedside cabinet in the guestroom, though I honestly thought I had emptied that out. But with the way things were spread all over the house it’s possible I moved the book and forgot about it.”

Severus could hear Potter spluttering behind him and had to stop himself from smirking. It was almost worth being jinxed to hear the other boy’s reaction.

“Why were Snivellus’ things spread all over your house Evans?” enquired James.

Lily whipped around. “First of all, his name is Severus or if you can’t manage that I am sure neither of us would object to you using Snape. However, from this point on, I will take you calling him that ridiculous name as a personal insult. Secondly, many people have their best friends stay over for the night. I am no exception.”

Severus found himself fighting the impulse to turn around just to see the look on Potter’s face. For a split second he wondered what Potter would do if he knew Severus and Lily had spent two nights in the same bed. It was so tempting to let that little fact slip, the only thing that stopped him was the knowledge Lily would be angry with him. Plus he didn’t want to cheapen the memory of something so sacred to him by telling the two gits behind him. So for once he would take the high road. “Lily, did I tell you Cris told me he had decided to take Honoria back?” he asked.

She shot the twosome one last punishing glare and turned back around to face him.  “No. Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“I don’t know.” he said as he at long last reached Professor Slughorn’s desk.

“My two prize pupils partners in their N.E.W.T. class! I expect great things from the two of you this year.”

“I’m sure we’ll try to live up to your expectations, sir.” Severus promised.

“Oh, I have no doubt you’ll surpass them!”

“Yes, then maybe next year we can teach the class.” Lily quiped.

“Are we aiming to take my job Miss Evans?”

“Never Professor! Hogwarts wouldn’t be the same without you. Besides, I don’t think I would be a very good Head of Slytherin House, now if the members would be amenable to a little redecorating…”

Slughorn let out a roar of laughter “You always are a cheeky one. Now I fully expect the both of you to be at my little gathering this weekend.”

“We’ll be there sir, with bells on, red ones, of course.”

“Well, you had best let the rest of the class gather their supplies. Not everyone is as talented as the two of you. Oh, this is going to be an excellent year!”

Lily giggled as they walked back to their table, arms laden with ingredients. Severus shaking his head.

“I am **_not_** wearing red.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to. Though the idea is quite entertaining. So ,what do you think about Cris and Honoria?”

“Hard to say since I haven’t actually met her. I do know he loves her.”

“Clearly. I think the more important question is does she love him?”

“I take it you think she doesn’t?”

“Well she’d hardly be shagging someone else if she did.”

“Wait, Cris told me he had seen her at pub with some other bloke, he never said anything about her, well you know, with someone else.”

“Having sex? I know, I doubt the thought’s even crossed his mind. But if you had met her then you would know why May and I think she was shagging the rugby player. And Honoria’s too stupid to figure out the guy probably only wanted her for that reason.”

“Mmmm”

“May and I keep hoping he’ll outgrow her.” Lily confided. It took her a moment to register the expression on Severus’ face was worry. “What do you know I don’t?”

“I think you should read his letter.”

“He’s not planning on proposing is he?”

“Just read the letter when you get a moment – You know this is pointless. There’s nothing to do at the beginning of making Polyjuice. Look, we’re done already. And what exactly are we going to do for the next twenty-one days with no cauldrons?”

“First Hogsmeade visit this year I am buying you a cauldron, maybe three or four.”

“I won’t need it by then.”

“Then I’ll order one from Diagon Alley.”

“Lily, the postage would be through the roof.”

“If it would shut you up it would be worth it.”

“Ha ha, you’re very funny. Maybe for Christmas or my birthday.”

“Hmm, that means I would have to listen to you whinge for the next month.”

“I am not going to whinge for the next month.”

“You promise?”

“Yes, I’m done whinging now.”

“At least around me.”

“At least around you.” he agreed with a smile. “But I do wonder what we’re going to do in class for the next month. Polyjuice isn’t that complicated to make. As long as you add the ingredients at the right time it’s actually one of the simpler potions to concoct.”

“Sev, that’s because you’re a genius who puts the rest of us mere mortals to shame.”

Lily saw the blush creep into Severus’ cheeks and spread to his entire face. He quickly lowered his head, the black curtain of his hair obscuring his face from view. “That’s not true Lily you really are just as good as I am.”

“No, Sev, I learn well from the book, but you – It’s as if you have this innate sense in you, something that tells you instinctively what to do, how to add ingredients, when to stir and for how long, it really is amazing. Everyone thinks so.

“You know there are times when it looks as if you’re just randomly throwing things into a cauldron. I remember once, back in first year, Remus was watching you and he kept telling everyone how sure he was any minute the whole cauldron would melt or the potion would explode. All hour everyone sat there and watched you.” Lily gave a little chuckle “There was even a pool. But in the end your potion was flawless. There wasn’t a single person in class who wasn’t impressed with you that day.”

Lily saw Severus shrug. “Brewing a potion is easy, anyone can do it if they simply take the time to learn.”

“No Sev. You have a gift and I’m glad the wrong people won’t be getting their hands on it now.”

Severus looked up and anxiously glanced around the room to make sure Lily hadn’t been overheard. He raised his wand slightly and muttered “Mufliato”. He deftly shifted in his seat so he was looking directly at the girl sitting next to him. “Lily, please don’t say things like that when other Slytherins are around.”

“Oh, they didn’t hear me.”

“You don’t know that!”

“Sev, you’re being paranoid but if it makes you feel better I promise I won’t speak to you about it in front of anyone else anymore.”

“Thank you.” Severus acknowledged, raising his wand and lifting the spell. Around them people were starting to stand up preparing to leave the room.

“What was that spell?” Lily inquired curiously while grabbing her bag.

“Something to keep us from being overheard.”

“What does it do exactly?”

“It makes anyone close to you hear a buzzing noise.”

“That’s useful, where did you find it?”

“I made it up.”

Lily stopped in the doorway and looked at him. “No, not a genius at all.”

“Okay, I might be smarter than the average person. Of course the average person is an idiot so I’m not sure that’s saying much. I’m certainly not as smart as Dumbledore or…”

“Or who?”

Severus had been about to say Lord Voldemort but decided that was not a wise choice so instead he picked one of his idols. “Nicholas Flamel for one. Can you imagine – a Philosopher’s Stone. I couldn’t do that.”

“I think you could.” she stated as they started up the stairs to the Great Hall.

“No, only one person in a millennium could do that.” Severus shook his head and Lily knew he was in awe of Flamel’s accomplishment.

“You know, after school I think you should find a career that has something to do with potions.”

“I had thought of applying for a position at the potions development department at St. Mungo’s.”

“Had? Have you changed your mind?”

“I was assured I wouldn’t need a career when I became a…” Severus looked around and dropped his voice, “you know.”

“And now that you’ve decided not to pursue that career path?”

“I’m starting to think I might go back to my original idea. Slughorn told me last term he could put in a good word for me.”

“Well you might as well get something out of the whole Slug club thing.”

“You mean besides the wretched parties?”

Lily laughed. “You don’t hate them that much. You just pretend to.”

“Perhaps.”  He agreed grudgingly as they reached the door to the Great Hall. “I’ll see you later Lily.”

“Wait Sev, when are we having study sessions this year?”

“Do you still want to do that? It’s not as if we’re preparing for O.W.L.s this year.”

“Yes, I do. I think it helped a lot last year and not just with our exams.”

“I could use extra help with Herbology.”

“Maybe we could meet during a free period. Why don’t we exchange schedules and see what works best.”

“All right, I’ll copy mine tonight and get it to you the next time I see you.

“Good. I’ll talk to you soon.”

Splitting up they went in separate directions, one to each end of the hall. Severus waited until Lily sat down and then chose his seat accordingly. Unbeknownst to her he had been doing this very thing since first year. Grabbing a dish of Shepherd’s Pie he began heaping mounds of it on to his plate. He then grabbed his Herbology book out of his bag and started reading, trying desperately to figure out how you were supposed to keep a Venomous Tentacula alive. Several minutes later he heard someone clear their throat next to him.

“So you and the mudblood are friends again?”

“We never stopped being friends.” Severus replied looking up from his book and into the face of Marius Avery.

“Funny, I thought after that little incident by the lake she had ceased to speak to you.”

“Apparently not,” he  dissembled, going back to his book.

“And how, Snape, did you manage to pull that one off?”

Severus shrugged and remembering what Lily had suggested said “I talked her around.”

“Must have been some fancy talking.”

“Not really.”

After several minutes of silence Avery continued, “How much longer is this going to continue Snape?”

“How long is what going to continue?” Severus asked looking up from the book again.

“This thing with the Evans girl. You do know there are ways to get a girl to shag you without having to go to the bother of getting her to fancy you. Especially if the girl is a mudblood.” Avery countered knowingly.

“I’m sorry, I’m not sure what you mean.”

“Come on, Snape, one well placed Imperius and she’d crawl into bed with you willingly.”

Severus put his fork down and pushed the plate away from him. He couldn’t believe Avery was telling him to force Lily into making love with him. Severus desperately tried to think of something to say so he wouldn’t reveal how nauseating he found that idea. “I’m sure she would, but personally I’m rather fond of the chase. Makes the end so much better.” Severus paused and then rushed on “How are you meant to keep a Venomous Tenacula alive?”

“Who cares?”

“I do. I know I missed that question on my O.W.L.”

“Snape, O.W.L.s are over.”

“Yes, I know that Avery, but we have N.E.W.T.s next year and I have to do better.”

“You really should learn to relax a little. It’s not as if the Dark Lord asks for your N.E.W.T results before he lets you take the mark.”

“And yet I think he might prefer a smart servant to an unintelligent one.”

“Suit yourself. I know I am through worrying about school.” and the boy began dishing out peas.

“I have to go Avery. I have Herbology next period and I need to find an answer before then.”

“Do as you please.” the boy retorted dryly.

Severus walked up to the library and wandered into the Herbology section. He pulled a book from the shelf and flipped through it, not really seeing the pages. He couldn’t shake what Avery had said from his mind, it was repugnant beyond belief. He found himself wondering if that was how Avery got all those girls to go off with him. Probably not since Avery seemed to keep his lechery confined to like-minded girls and all of them seemed more than happy to latch themselves onto him.

Severus had always wondered why the girls continued to line up the way they did, as inevitably they ended up sobbing in the common room, at least if Avery’s Slytherin conquests were anything to go by. The fact was Avery came from a good family, had buckets of money and seemed destined to be in the top echelons of the Dark Lord’s ranks, what more could a girl ask for? And that was something Avery took advantage of, he was constantly running off to hide in some broom closet or deserted classroom with the girl of the moment.

That wasn’t what Severus wanted. He had imagined what it would be like to make love to Lily countless times and not once had it involved them groping each other in a broom closet nor was she ever less than completely willing. He hastily slammed the book back onto the shelf, earning himself a glare from Madame Pince. He started to take another book from the shelf but caught a glimpse of the time on his watch and knew he needed to get to class. Severus speedily walked down the stairs, out of the castle and across the grass towards the greenhouse. He was almost there when he heard a voice behind him.

“Snivellus, I was wondering what have you done to Evans?”

Severus closed his eyes and sighed. He had known this was coming. Turning around he found himself facing Potter, Black and Pettigrew. “What do you mean, Potter?”

“Obviously you must have modified her memory so that she forgot what you called her last term.”

“I can assure you, Lily remembers what I called her perfectly.” Severus guaranteed sliding his wand from his pocket and clutching it by his side.

“Then why is she speaking to you?”

“That’s between me and her isn’t it?”

“No, I think it involves all of us. We don’t like greasy Death Eaters talking to Gryffindor girls.” Black sneared.

“I don’t care what you like, Black.”

“Maybe you should.” and Sirius raised his wand until it was pointing at Severus.

“Go ahead, show everyone just how much of a Black you are. Or do you lack the nerve?” taunted Severus.

“Don’t think I don’t know just as much dark magic as you, Snape, I simply choose not to use it. But I could always change my mind about that. Finally make mummy and daddy happy.”

Severus saw Potter give his friend a worried look. “Sirius, don’t.” James warned his friend anxiously.

Black’s attention was momentarily diverted to his best friend. It was the opportunity Severus was looking for. With one well-aimed Expelliarmus he sent their wands flying high into the air. He caught them neatly in his hand and then threw them as far away as possible. “Now, if you don’t mind I’m running late for Herbology – oh and Potter, I think you’ll find it is you Lily isn’t speaking to.” Turning around he walked off to greenhouse number three.

The satisfaction of having bested Potter and Black without using the dark arts carried Severus through the first half of the class. He could clearly picture how proud Lily would be when she found out. He was so caught up in his daydream that the Fanged Geranium he was working on bit him. He supposed he would have to go look up how to deal with this stupid plant now. He was half tempted to take the wretched thing and chop it up to use in some sort of potion.

Severus knew plants were important ingredients and knowing their uses was definitely necessary but why he had to risk life and limb to grow them was beyond his comprehension. Thankfully he managed to avoid any further catastrophes during the course of the class, though for some reason the blood continued to flow from his hand. Seeing this Professor Sprout had insisted on accompanying him up to the Hospital wing where Madame Pomfrey spent several minutes fussing over him. Once he was healed he went down to the Great Hall for dinner.

He deliberately chose a seat as far away from Avery as possible, seating himself next to a second year girl, even though it meant he didn’t have as clear a view of Lily as usual.  Surprisingly Lily was sitting by herself, reading a book. Severus wondered if he was starting to rub off on her, he certainly hoped not. He filled his plate full and then dug May’s letter out of his satchel. He couldn’t help but chuckle to himself when he got to the part about classes on how to sit. He would go spare in a school like that. He was also amused by the fact that May had apparently begun counting the days until the holidays the moment she had arrived at her fancy school.

“Snape, can I ask you a question?” asked a timid voice at his elbow.

Severus looked around at the blond haired girl sitting next to him “Of course.” he responded, vaguely startled.

“In potions today we were making Shrinking Solution, mine didn’t turn out right and I was wondering why. I thought maybe you could help me.”

“Certainly…I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten your name.”

“Urania – Urania Burke.”

“All right, tell me exactly what you did Urania.”

The girl quickly walked him through the project step by step. It didn’t take Severus very long to figure out where the girl had gone wrong. He explained her mistake to her and why the potion had not turned out as it was meant to. He also threw in a few choice words on why you should always pay attention to what you were doing when brewing.

“Do you think Slughorn would let me try again? Since I am in his house and all.”

“You can ask him, the worst that happens is he says no.”

“Thank you, Snape.” she beamed happily, getting up from the table.

“Urania, you can call me Severus.”

She gave him a half smile. “I’ll do it next time. Bye and thanks for the help.”

“Good bye.”

Severus watched the girl bound up to the staff table, no doubt to ask Slughorn for her second chance. Several minutes later she bounced by him flashing a bright smile in his direction. Not long after this Severus finished off the last of his pudding and went back upstairs to the library determined to find the answers to his growing list of Herbology questions. Upon entering he headed straight back to the Herbology section only to find Avery and a seventh year girl, who were clearly trying to suck the air out of one another, already occupied the aisle.

“Excuse me, I need that book.” Severus requested pointing to one behind the girl’s shoulder.

Not bothering to even break the kiss Avery shifted the girl and pulled the book out from behind her. Severus grabbed the volume and tried to ignore the fact that Avery’s hand had now shifted and was affording him a good view of the girl’s knickers.

Unfortunately the only empty table was one that looked straight into the aisle. Severus tried to bury himself in the book but out of the corner of his eye he could see the couple becoming more amorous by the moment. He wasn’t sure how long their restraint would last and he didn’t put it past Avery to shag the unknown girl right there in the library. Severus remembered Avery’s remarks from earlier in the day and wondered if the girl was there of her own free will or if she had had a little persuading. He really didn’t want to think about that nor did he want to stay and watch the entertainment. So he slammed the book shut, earning himself yet another glare from Madame Pince. Then in an act of mischievousness he left the book setting on the table knowing the librarian would come and reshelve it immediately.

He left the library and began to head back down to the dungeons, then he abruptly turned and walked with purpose towards the Owlery. During first year Severus had found a secluded spot in the room, it was just under the eaves in the far corner, hidden behind a pile of ancient packing crates. It was here he escaped to when he wanted to be sure no one would bother him for an hour or two. You really couldn’t stay much longer than that because the smell was so horrid, plus he was getting a little large for the space, but he had to be alone.

Today had been a revelation. He knew his fellow housemates had assumed his only interest in Lily was sexual. They believed once Severus had gotten Lily into bed his interest in her would be over. The idea he might love her was inconceivable to them. It had honestly never occurred to Severus they thought he might force her. That these people he had lived with for almost six years would think he could ever force any woman to have sex with him. How had he been so blind as to miss the fact this group thought they could have anything they wanted and they would take it by force if necessary?

Severus knew he had been blinded by his own ambition, his desire to belong to something powerful. He couldn’t deny he was still tempted by the darker side of magic and perhaps he always would be. He wished he knew how to fight that, how to be released from the thrall it held him in but the truth was he didn’t. All he could do was attempt to not give into the desire to use it.

Severus squeezed himself into the eaves, shifting until he was relatively comfortable. Then he pulled May’s letter back out of his bag. He wished he hadn’t left Crispin’s letter with Lily. It had been nice to get that missive, to know he had friends outside of Lily. He diligently reread May’s letter, still getting a chuckle out of the class description. When he got to the end he briefly rested his fingers on the closing. He couldn’t quite believe it. May had sent him love. Him. No one ever sent him love.

 Severus sat for a long time gazing at those words. He remembered back to Lily complimenting him earlier in the day. To her telling him she also loved him. He thought of all the times Mr. and Mrs. Evans had gone out of their way to be kind to him. How Crispin had spent weeks treating him like a younger brother and had actually tried to be nice to him for years before that. The scariest thing of all was how close he had come to losing it all, to tossing it all away with one stupid word.

He had always prided himself on his intelligence and yet he was beginning to wonder if he was perhaps not as smart as he had thought. All his life he had thought opening yourself up to people meant they were the ones with the power, the power to hurt you, to destroy you. He had watched what that had done to his mother. But after spending so much time with Violet and Daniel he wondered if his mother and father had ever felt anything even approaching love for one another. And yes, Violet had been devastated when Daniel had died, but Severus knew she would not take back one minute of her time with her husband. For Violet the years of joy more than made up for the heartbreak. Just as Severus knew he would never wish away a moment of the time he had with Lily. No matter what the future held for any of them he would cherish the memory of each and every second with her forever.

Ever since he was a tiny child his mother had told him how important he was because he was a Prince, even if he was only half of one, the descendant of a great family, just like those girls at May’s fancy school. She always told him even though his father was a muggle she was a pure-blood, better than the man she had married, better than those people who had no magical heritage at all. And Severus had believed her. After all, Eileen was his mum and mothers didn’t lie to their children, not about important things. Where his love for Lily fit into the grand scheme of things he couldn’t figure out. Nowhere in his mother’s mind, he suspected. But surely you couldn’t love someone so much if it was wrong.

It was there, in the midst of the hooting owls and the stench of the droppings, Severus had an epiphany. The fact was, he didn’t care that Lily was a muggle-born or that Violet, Crispin and May didn’t know a whit of magic. They were good people, people who wanted him, not for his mother’s bloodline, but for him. They accepted him just as he was, they didn’t want to impose their beliefs on him, to turn him into something he wasn’t. They simply loved him, despite his flaws, his failings, his occasional stupidity. Severus laughed out loud, startling several nearby owls, what a git he was. He was no Death Eater, no Prince, not even a good Slytherin, he was just him. Severus Snape, Hogwarts student, quasi son of a muggle, friend to a bloke at Cambridge and a girl at a fancy Swiss boarding school, and a boy totally, hopelessly in love with a muggle-born and that was going to have to be good enough.

 


	12. The Plan

That night Lily settled herself into an armchair next to the fire in the Gryffindor common room, ever since Potions that morning the entire house had avoided her as if she had the plague. She was beginning to wonder how Severus dealt with being ostracized all the time, because it certainly was lonely. She hadn’t even been able to find him and she had searched the library from top to bottom. She wondered if this was the universe’s way of helping her have more empathy for Sev’s situation. If that was the case then it was certainly working. Determinedly she focused her attention back on the book in front of her. If this treatment continued for to long then she would soon be as well read as Sev. Not that she regretted for a moment what she had done. Severus was changing everything for her, the least she could do was inconvenience herself a little for him.

The problem was that she wasn’t use to being the outsider. Even in muggle school, where she had been seen as a little odd, she had had a plethora of friends. It was true that she had lost touch with all of them, except May, since coming to Hogwarts. So maybe they hadn’t really been her friends but at least people had constantly surrounded her. Momentarily she wondered how many of her current classmates she would continue to see once she left school. She suspected few of them. But one she was sure of was the boy currently settling himself into the armchair opposite her.

“So I take it you’ve forgiven Snape.”

“Yes.”

“Can I ask why?”

Lily sighed “It’s complicated Remus.”

“I have all night and most of the weekend.”

“Most of the weekend?”

“Well someone has to keep James and Sirius from getting into too much trouble.”

Lily laughed “Sounds like a full-time job to me.”

Remus grinned back at her “It could be if I let it. And stop trying to change the subject.”

“I’m not!”

“Yes, you are.”

“Alright I am.”

“Now that we have that settled. Let’s try this again shall we? Why have you decided to forgive Snape?”

One look in Remus’ kind, brown eyes convinced Lily that he was the one person she could take into her confidence. And while she knew that Severus wouldn’t be happy about one of the marauders knowing his secret she also knew that this was not a task that she and Severus could accomplish on their own, they needed help and she knew it. And Lily trusted Remus; she knew he would be able to keep a confidence. Besides if Sev was right then Remus had a deep, dark secret of his own and clearly he was good at keeping that. Lily looked around the common room. It was filled to overflowing with people joking and goofing around, not at all the place to have a serious discussion. Lily could feel Remus’ eyes fixed on her.

“Can we maybe go for a walk?” she asked him.

He nodded his head and rose from his seat, making for the portrait hole.

“Moony come here and see this.” yelled Sirius.

“I can’t, have patrol duty.” he called back exiting the common room.

Lily followed him out into the hallway. “I didn’t think you ever lied to them.”

Remus shrugged “They don’t need to know everything I’m up to.”

The two set off down the hall, their footsteps echoing on the stone floor. Remus stuffed his hands into his pockets and continued to look at her, once again not watching where he was going. Lily found it a little unsettling to be scrutinized in such a manner. Hoping to deflect him she asked, “How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Walk without watching where you are going and not hit anything?”

“Natural talent.”

“It seems to be a talent several of my friends have.”

“So Lily are you going to tell me what’s going on or not?”

“Of course I’m going to tell you. Come on, let’s talk in here.” she said holding open a door.

“In the prefect’s bathroom?”

“Well we’re not likely to be bothered are we?”

“No.” he agreed as he followed her into the room.

Lily grabbed a couple of towels and tossed them on the floor. Then she sat down next to Remus. “Remus you have to promise not to repeat anything I tell you tonight.”

For a moment the boy looked startled but then he nodded his head solemnly. “I promise.”

Lily looked at him intently for a moment, took a deep breath and launched into her story. She told him everything. Starting with how she had smiled during “the incident” not because she was amused by what was happening to Sev but because she was flatter by Potter’s attention. Remus had looked a little stunned at that news. And ending with the conversation that she and Sev had had in the glade five days later. It took Lily a long time to get the entire tale out, constantly backtracking to explain her behaviour or Sev’s. It turned out to be a harder task then she had anticipated. It was one thing to tell Remus about Sev’s decision to turn over a new leaf and quite another to give out details about his home life. Remus listened to her dutifully until she finally stopped, convinced that she had at last told him every detail.

“Lily do you believe Snape when he says he doesn’t want to be a Death Eater?”

“Yes Remus, I do.” she said with such conviction that Remus knew she would brook no argument.

Clearly from this point on it was going to be love Lily, love Snape. And Remus did love Lily, not in the way that James did, or even the way he suspected Snape did. It was more of a familial love. Like the kind he suspected one would have for a sibling. Whatever the case it was strong enough that he wanted to protect her. For her sake he hoped that Snape was telling the truth. And yet he was reminded of the saying about leopards and their spots and Snape’s were as dark as they came. Of course Remus had his own streak of darkness so perhaps it would behove him to give Snape the benefit of the doubt. As if to persuade him Lily chimed in with “He’s already changing Remus. I know it’s hard to see from the outside but I can see it.”

The devil’s advocate in him made him reply, “Are you sure you’re not just seeing what you want to Lily?”

“No Remus. I really do wish you knew him away from school. He’s so different over the holidays. More relaxed, not so – closed. He jokes and laughs, goes to football matches, has other friends, muggle friends. And do you know I don’t think he even once used magic all summer, which is more than I can say for myself. And he was there for me when my dad…” Lily’s voice caught.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to talk about it.” Remus said gently.

“No, I want to. He was the first person I rang Rem. The only person I rang actually. Oh, he must have run like a house on fire to get to mine as quickly as he did. He was great, he held me while I cried, took care of my mum, rang people for us, didn’t kill Petunia when she bossed him around. And the whole day of the funeral, every time I thought I’d fall apart he was there. I wouldn’t have made it through that day without him.”

Remus watched as several tears trickled down Lily’s cheeks. It made Remus’ heart ache to see that and he was glad that he wasn’t either of the two boys who seemed to be constantly warring over this girl. It was easier to know that you had no chance and be content with the idea that you would only ever be a dear friend. It meant that he could concentrate on cheering her up without wondering if he was going to overstep the mark, something James constantly worried about. And it didn’t affect him in the least if Lily was friends with Snape or James or both. He had nothing to lose either way. If being friends with Snape made Lily happy, well then it made Remus happy. In an effort to prove this he focused in on something she had said earlier. “So Snape at a football match. That’s something I would have never imagined. Especially since you never see him at quidditch.”

“No, Sev hates quidditch. But boy is he a big Man U fan!” and Remus was rewarded for his efforts by a huge smile that lit up Lily’s entire face.

“Alright. I’m sold. So what happens now? Is Snape going to start giving anti-Death Eater lectures? Or is he just going to suddenly become Mr. Congeniality? How does one extricate oneself from that particular group?”

“Ahh that would be where we run into the problem.”

“I’m listening.”

“Well, I really did think that Sev would be able to come back and tell his housemates that he had changed his mind and didn’t want to be a Death Eater any longer.”

“That does seem a little naïve Lily.”

“Yes, that’s basically what Sev said.”

“So what is his plan then?”

“Honestly, he thinks if he just keeps a low profile eventually they’ll forget about him.”

“Do you know, I think I have finally figured out why you and Snape are such good friends.”

“Really, and why is that?”

“You’re both equally naïve. Though I can’t believe I’m saying that about Snape.” answered Remus with a laugh.

“So I take it you also think this is not the best plan ever?”

“Definitely not. What kind of a plan have you come up with?”

“I hate to say it but I have yet to think of anything better. I get the impression that we have to be extremely careful about this. Sev seems to think that there is the real possibility that they might hurt him if he tries to just up and leave.”

“I think he might have a legitimate concern. If it were any other group I would say that he was being paranoid but with this one, well...” Remus watched Lily’s face fall. “You were hoping that I would tell you that I thought he was overreacting weren’t you?”

“Yes, I suppose I was.” Lily sighed and then continued. “So what do you think he should do? What would you do if it were you Remus?”

For several minutes Remus fixed his eyes on the portrait of the mermaid on the opposite wall. His brow furrowed in concentration then hesitantly he began “I suppose – I suppose if it were me I would – well I would make them not want me.”

“What do you mean?” inquired Lily.

“I think the only way for him to get out of this in one piece is for the Death Eaters to tell him that he’s not welcome. Now mind you it won’t be easy because he’ll have to make them think that he still wants in and all the while he’ll have to be doing things that he knows that they’ll find unacceptable. Just not so unacceptable that they suspect what he’s doing.”

“Wow that sounds both brilliant and amazingly complicated.”

“I know. But unless Snape has some deep, dark secret they know nothing about, one that would make them chuck him instantly then this might be his only hope.” said Remus shifting a little and not meeting Lily’s eyes

For the first time Lily wondered if maybe Severus was right about Remus being a werewolf. But it was hardly her place to pry. If Remus wanted her to know then surely he would tell her himself one day. Instead she pressed on. “If he has one then I don’t know about it. And clearly they don’t care that he’s a half-blood.”

“Snape’s a half-blood?” asked Remus in shock

“Yes.”

“Funny, I always assumed that the Snapes were a little known pure-blood family or that maybe they were from somewhere outside of England.”

“No, his father’s a muggle. His mother is a pure-blood though, a Prince, I believe.”

“You think that he would be less prejudiced then.” Remus stated bitterly.

It was Lily’s turn to shift guiltily. She had no idea how many of Severus’ ideas came from his mother’s teachings versus how many came from his father’s treatment of him. However he had come about them Lily knew that it would take awhile for those perceptions to go away. And that would probably be helped along if he were exposed to people outside of his normal group of associates. People who could simultaneously expose him to new ideas and treat him with respect. Remus was just such a person, so she was going to do something that she had promised herself she wouldn’t. And while she knew that what she was about to do was probably not what Sev would have wanted she also felt that her slip would be justifiable in the end.

“Listen Remus, Sev – he doesn’t have a very good home life and his father – well suffice it to say he will not be winning a father of the year award anytime soon.”

“And you think that makes his behaviour acceptable?”

“No, just more understandable.”

“Lily.”

“Please Rem just let me finish.”

“Go on.”

“As I was saying Sev has a less then perfect home life…” Lily almost scoffed at the irony of it all. Here she had been all over Sev to tell people the truth and now she couldn’t even bring herself to tell Remus that Severus was in fact neglected and abused. Speaking the truth was certainly harder then she thought it would be and that offered her a rare insight into her best friend. Leaving aside her revelation for the moment she pressed on “And Hogwarts was suppose to be his escape, the place where he would fit in and be accepted for who he was. Then he gets here and the only people who are even somewhat nice to him are that lot in Slytherin. And frankly I don’t think that Sev realises that they only want him because he is so talented and that they plan to use that talent in evil ways. I know that if he were just an average student they wouldn’t want him.”

“Most likely not.” Remus looked a little guilty “I suppose we haven’t always been as nice to him as we could have been.”

“Oh Remus I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty! I am just trying to explain why Sev is the way he is. Though I think it would be good if he had some friends that weren’t in Slytherin.” She looked at the boy sitting next to her hopefully.

“Lily I’m not sure I can be friends with Snape.” Lily looked a little downcast, so Remus quickly hurried on. “But I will try to get James and Sirius to lay off him.”

“Thank you Remus, I would appreciate it. And I’ll pass along your advice.” noticing that Remus was opening his mouth to speak Lily laughed “Don’t worry I won’t tell him that it was your idea. Though if it works then you might have a better career then the captor of escaped hippogriffs.” she added scrambling up off the floor.

“Drat and I was planning on spending my free time this term on researching hippogriff habits!” he exclaimed as he stood and grabbed the towels off the floor.

“Well if it’s what you really want to do then far be it of me to stop you!” laughed Lily as the two left the bathroom and headed back to the common room.

“So how long do you think that everyone will be mad at me?” asked Lily.

“Not long. Just as soon as everyone wraps their brains around the fact that you’ve forgiven Snape and not been, well – tampered with, they’ll be fine.”

“Is that what they think, that Sev’s done something to me?”

“I don’t think that they really think that. It just seemed to defy belief that you would give him another chance. But then you’re so nice that I suppose it’s not that surprising.”

“I’m not always that nice. But you do understand now don’t you Remus?” asked Lily nervously.

“Yes I do. I just hope that he sticks with it. For both your sakes.” said Remus as they reached the portrait hole.

After they had both climbed through. Lily thanked Remus and gave him a hug before heading up to her dorm and bed.

The next morning Lily woke early. She hurriedly dressed and stuffed her books into her satchel then she headed for the library. It didn’t take her very long to spot the person she was looking for at a table near the back. She slid into the other vacant seat at the table. “Where were you last night?”

She saw a slight smile grace his lips. “I was around.”

“I wish I knew where you got to.”

“Maybe I’ll tell you someday.”

“What happened to the no secrets pact?”

“Well I can’t tell you everything all at once then you would be bored with me.”

“I don’t think that would be possible Sev.”

“All the same I prefer to keep a few things to myself.” he said with a smirk. He then added “If it helps, think of it more as a place to think privately than a secret.”

“Oh have it your way.” she huffed.

“Why were you looking for me anyway?”

“No particular reason. I just wanted to talk.”

“Lily is everything alright?”

“I suppose.” she answered dragging a piece of parchment, a quill and ink from her bag.

“Lil are people giving you are hard time about me?”

“A little, but I don’t care.”

“I’m sorry this is causing you problems. If it would be easier for you then…”

Swiftly she cut him off “Sev I told you I don’t care. Besides if people don’t like my best friend then I’m not sure I can be bothered to like them. And on the plus side it frees up a lot of time to study.”

“It certainly does that.” Lily thought that the subject was now closed but Severus continued in a worried voice “Lily I don’t want to be the reason that you’re not happy.”

He half dreaded what she would say but Severus knew that he didn’t want Lily to experience school the way that he did, constantly shut out and ridiculed. She deserved better then that and if her happiness depended on him not being around well then as hard as it would be he would try to walk away.

“Sev are you still my best friend?”

“Of course.”

“Then I’m happy.” Lily took Crispin’s letter up in her hand and then turned to look at him. “Now what are we going to do about Cris?” she asked firmly.

He was slightly startled by the abrupt change in subject, but also relived by her obvious commitment to him. So he willingly forgot about his suggestion and ploughed ahead with the new topic.

“Do we need to do something about Cris?”

“Of course we do. Honestly Sev did you even read this letter? All this stuff about Honoria is rubbish.”

“Is it? And just out of curiosity what do you think we should tell him to do?”

“I think we should tell him to just pitch her!” Lily’s voice rose several levels.

Severus noticed Madame Pince looking over at them “Lily shhh you’ll get us chucked out. And we can’t tell him that, be sensible.”

“Then what do you suggest?” she asked lowering her voice.

“Come on he’s only suggesting taking her on a mini break. That’s a far cry from asking her to marry him.”

“But mini breaks can lead to other things.”

“And they can lead to nothing.”

“And if she’s still shagging the rugby player?”

Severus tapped his quill against his chin. “Lily do you have any proof that she shagged this bloke or are you just guessing?”

“Honestly, it’s just intuition.”

“Then I don’t think we should say anything.”

“But Sev.”

“Lily I don’t want to make a lot of unfounded accusations. Can you please trust me to handle it?”

“Yes.”

“Good, then I’ll write Crispin and advise him to go slow. And when you write May tell her that I said she is definitely not like those girls at her school. Oh and be sure to mention that I find the idea of classes on how to sit to be too idiotic for words. How stupid do you have to be to need that kind of class?” he added with a shake of his head.

Lily stifled a giggle in her hand. “I knew you would like that. Here’s Cris’ letter back. I have to say that I think he spent much to much time writing about football.”

“How can you say that? He never even said who scored the first goal.”

Lily shook her head “I’ve created a monster. I should have never encouraged you and Cris to become friends. You’ve made each other into fanatics”

“Oh I was always like this. Besides you know that you’re happy Cris and I are getting on so well.”

“Yes I am.” she agreed before beginning her letter back to May.

Severus gave her a small smile before continuing his own letter to Crispin. The library slowly filled around them though neither noticed until a bump caused Lily to look up. Standing there, casually leaning against the table was James Potter. “Evans I was wondering if I could perhaps borrow your Defense Against Dark Arts notes? I appear to have misplaced mine.”

“Why can’t you borrow Remus’ notes?”

“Well he’s feeling poorly…”

“I’ll bet.” Severus mumbled under his breath. Lily kicked him lightly under the table.

“What was that Sniv – Snape?”

“He didn’t say anything. What is it you were saying about Remus, James?”

James pulled his eyes away from Severus and looked down at Lily with a smile. “Only that he is feeling poorly and I don’t want to disturb him so if I could borrow your notes it would help me out quite a bit.”

Lily looked doubtful for a moment but then she began rummaging in her bag. Finally, she produced a piece a parchment that she handed over to him. “I expect these back tomorrow. I have my own studying to do. And James this is the last time.”

“Thanks Lily.” taking the notes he walked around the table, pausing he leaned down and whispered to Severus “I have my eye on you Snivellus.” before sauntering off.

Lily started to rise from the table, clearly prepared to go after James and tell him off. Quickly Severus put a hand on her arm, not wanting her to leave. “Forget it Lil.”

“Sev he called you that ridiculous name again!”

“You didn’t really think he would stop did you?”

“Yes, I did. I can’t believe that I gave that toerag my notes!”

“It’s just a name Lily.” he said reaching in his bag to pull out his Arithmancy book. Though he had brushed it off Lily could tell that the name bothered him just as much now as the first time James had used it.

She watched him intently for a moment before dropping her voice and asking the question that had been bothering her for a while now. “Sev did it bother you that day when I called you…”

Severus sighed before looking up from his book. “Lily can’t we just forget that day ever happened? I’ve forgiven you for anything you might have done or said and I hope that you’ve forgiven me. So can we just move on?”

“Sev, I do forgive you. But the more I think about that day the more wretched I feel about how I behaved. I shouldn’t have called you that stupid name. Or said that thing about your pants.” she whispered fixing her eyes on the letter in front of her.

“Lil I was angry, you were angry and we were both acting – well rather stupid. Please let’s just let it go now.”

“Well if you’re going to say that you were stupid then I guess I have no choice.”

“As long as you don’t tell anyone I said it. I do have a reputation to live up to.”

Lily had to stop herself from smiling. “Oh yes, we wouldn’t want anyone to know that Hogwarts’ resident genius has any doubts about his intellect.” For a moment Lily fiddled with the corner of her parchment before continuing. “And if you need any money for – necessities…” she could feel the beginnings of a blush creeping up her neck. “then I would be happy to lend you some.”

“Lily” Severus choked; quickly turning a shade of red Lily wouldn’t have previously thought possible. He picked up is quill and began scratching in his book. “I – I don’t think I’m that badly off.”

At that moment Severus wanted nothing more then for the library floor to open up and swallow him whole. Clearly he needed to order some new pants but the idea that he would borrow money from Lily to do so was humiliating beyond belief.

“I just wanted you to know.”

“I’ll keep it in mind when I run out of potion ingredients.”

Lily knew this was Severus’ way of telling her the he was embarrassed and didn’t want to discuss it anymore. Desperately she racked her brain for something to say to put Sev at his ease again. Quickly an idea came to mind. Leaning very close to him she whispered in his ear “I think I have a plan for you.”

Severus looked absurdly relieved by the change of subject. “Do you?” he whispered back.

Lily was about to explain when Severus grabbed her arm and shook his head. Lily looked questioningly at him. Swiftly, yet subtly he pointed towards the front of the library. Instantly Lily saw the reason for his concern. Walking down the length of the library were Vincent Mulciber and Regulus Black and they were clearly headed in the direction of the table she and Severus now occupied. “Bollucks.” she muttered and started rummaging through her bag.

The hope that the pair would pass by the table died a moment later when Mulciber sat himself in the seat across from Severus. “So Snape what do you say about ditching the library and coming out for a little bit of fun with us?”

“What sort of fun would that be Mulciber?”

The Slytherin looked doubtfully in Lily’s direction before answering “The regular.”

“I have to finish my Arithmancy problems.”

“Do it tonight.”

“Can’t I have Slughorn’s thing to go to.”

“And will you be with Professor Sluggy tomorrow?”

“No, but I do have to work on my Herbology.”

“You and your Herbology. Do you have a secret fancy there?” asked Regulus with a chuckle.

“No Black, as it happens I am trying to pull my mark up. I only got an E on my O.W.L. and that is not acceptable.”

“Marius is right about you Snape, you should learn to relax a bit. I think I’m going to make that my task for the year. What do you think Regulus?”

“Might be a task of epic proportions.”

“I know but what fun it will be. Come on, get up Snape we’re going.”

“Mulciber I am in the middle of this problem, if I stop now it will take me another hour to figure out where I was going. Can’t it wait an hour or so?”

“I suppose. You’ve got two hours Snape and then I’m hunting you down.” he said before rising from his seat. Then as if he had noticed Lily for the first time he added “Of course if you end up in some broom closet with someone respectable then I’ll understand you being a little late. Better then if I find you sitting at a table with mudblood filth.” Before Severus could answer Mulciber sauntered away trailed by Regulus.

Severus waited until they had exited the library before whispering to Lily “I’m sorry. I should have told him not to call you that.”

“It’s just a name.” she said packing her things into her bag.

“You don’t mean that.”

“I mean it about as much as you did. I think maybe we should find a more private place to speak.”

“That’s probably a good idea.” hastily Severus crammed his things back in his bag and followed Lily out of the library. “So where are we going then?”

Lily looked up and down the hall, then a wicked grin spread across her face. “Come on I have an idea.”

Lily walked swiftly towards the north tower. The only thing that Severus knew was up there was the entrance to Gryffindor Tower. Surely she wasn’t going to take him there. Several feet in front of the portrait Severus had sat in front of for hours at the end of last term was a wooden door. Lily opened it and clambered in. Hesitantly Severus looked in the door only to see to that he was peering into a broom closet. Before he could express his surprise Lily grabbed his hand and pulled him in, shutting the door firmly behind him.

“Lumos.” he heard her say and then the room was bathed in a soft white light.

“Lily what in the world?”

“Well Mulciber did say it was the one place he wouldn’t look for you.”

“He did at that. Good idea.” he said admiringly.

“I thought so. Now on to important business. Judging from what I just heard I think it is safe to say that your plan in not going to work so well. Not if Mulciber’s goal for the year is to get you to, what was it? Oh yes ‘relax a bit’.”

Severus sighed. “Yes, I had that thought as he was saying it. Bugger. What do I do now? Maybe you're right. Maybe I should just tell them that I’ve changed my mind and deal with the consequences.”

Lily frowned and bit on the corner of her lip. While it was tempting to tell him to do just that, she had begun to fear what these people would do to anyone who tried to desert them. A fear that was increased by what had happened to Alice Nesbitt yesterday, it seemed that Avery had found her before first period, hexed her and then stuffed her into a cabinet. Alice was so phobic about small, enclosed spaces that by the time Frank Longbottom found her, just after lunch, she was completely traumatized and had to spend the night in the hospital wing. And Avery had apparently done that just because he was offended by something Alice said in passing to another student. So what he would do to Sev and how long it would take them to find him Lily didn’t want to contemplate. No Remus’ idea was the best way.

“How about we try my new idea and if that doesn’t work then we’ll call the ‘ I changed my mind’ idea our fall back plan.”

“I think I need to hear the idea before agreeing.”

Lily nodded her head in agreement and rapidly explained Remus’ plan to Severus.

“It sounds complicated.”

“I know, but if anyone could pull this plan off then it would be you.”

“I suppose it doesn’t hurt to try. But finding things to do that would make them not want me but not question my loyalties is going to be hard.”

“I was brain storming about that and I came up with an idea or two.”

“Such as?”

“Well you know how Slughorn asks you every year to tutor and you always say that you’re too busy?”

“Yes.”

“This year agree and then specifically request people that your housemates would find unacceptable like Gryffindors oh and the more muggleborns the better. That should upset them right, you helping mudbloods?”

“Don’t use that word Lily.”

“They will.”

“Yes, but I won’t. In fact if you ever hear me use it again, you have my permission to slap me silly or hex me or anything else you deem appropriate.”

“That is a wonderful resolution to make but I think if you quit all of a sudden they might become suspicious. Perhaps it is better to taper off gradually. How about we agree that you stop by the end of the year?”

“No, Lily. I am never saying that word again. I won’t even think it. I promised myself that.”

“When?” she asked.

“The instant I called you it. I swore that from that moment on I would never utter that word again whether or not you forgave me.”

Lily looked at him, the tears pooling in her eyes.  She was unable to tell him what that one act meant to her and the fact that he had done it before she had even forgiven him caused something to flicker to life in her heart. A little spark she wasn’t able to describe, she just knew it spread warmth throughout her body. Suddenly she wanted to grab him and hold on for dear life. At that moment Lily made a resolution to herself, if those Death Eaters wanted Sev they were going to have to climb over her lifeless corpse to get him. Because there was no way she was letting him go without one hell of a fight.

Severus watched as a look of steely determination entered Lily’s eyes.  “Right, so no more M word. But only if you think you can let it go without them harming you. Otherwise you use it as long as you need to.”

Severus opened his mouth to speak.

“Sev I am insisting on this. Also I think that maybe we can incorporate your laying low idea into this plan.”

“Do you?”

“Yes. All we need is a good reason why you can’t be around them so often or at least not when they’re ‘having fun’.”

“Hmmm.” he murmured. Gazing at the shelf of cleaning supplies and racking his brain for a reason to not be around his housemate. “Should have done this last year when I could say I was studying for O.W.L.s. I suppose I could say that I am trying to get a head start on preparing for my N.E.W.T.s.”

“Sev N.E.W.T.s are at the end of next year. I don’t think anyone would find it the least bit believable that someone would start studying for them at the beginning of their sixth year, not even you.”

“I suppose not.”

Lily shifted slightly and pulled out a bottle of polish that was poking her in the back. She wrinkled her nose at the sight of it. Last year she had been caught out of bed after curfew and Filch had made her clean dozens of plaques in the Trophy Room. At first she had actually found it interesting, especially when she found the plaque listing Dumbledore as head boy, but soon… _wait there was something there, the seeds of an idea. Hadn_ _’_ _t she and Sev talked about this on the train ride?_ Lily felt a smile crease her face. Turning slightly she looked at her best friend, who’s brow was furrowed in thought. “Sev what if you told them you want to try and be head boy next year?”

Lily could tell that Severus hadn’t quite processed what she had just said. “What?”

“You head boy.”

“Lily I thought we had already covered this. There is no way Dumbledore is going to make me head boy.”

“It doesn’t matter if you become head boy or not. You just have to tell your housemates that’s what you want.”

“And how does that help?” he asked puzzled.

“Well you would have to be on your best behaviour. You wouldn’t be able to do anything that might mean you risk getting detention. So that gets you out of having to participate in their foolishness. And it also gives you a reason to try and be nice to other students, ones who aren’t in your house.”

“Okay.” he said slowly “I see the merits of that.”

“And Sev you really are going to have to try and be friends with people outside of Slytherin.”

“Are we back to the getting to know as many muggleborns as possible?”

“Yes!” she exclaimed excitedly “Don’t you see then when they ask you to pitch them you can say no, those people are your friends.”

“What makes you think that they will do that? It’s not as if they’ve ever told me I had to stop being friends with you.”

“Please Sev they all think that you just want to – well...” Lily blushed slightly while Severus squirmed a little next to her. “I told you at The Spot Sev someday they’re going to ask you to choose. And now on that day you can tell them you have just as many muggleborn friends as pure-blooded ones and the muggleborns aren’t forcing you to pick or something like that. The whole point is you’ll be able to say that you’re not picking them.”

Severus thought the idea over; Lily did have several good points. And on the plus side if he had many muggleborn friends then his housemates would be unlikely to single out any one particular person for retribution and that should keep Lily safe. Of course this meant trying to figure out how to get friends and that was not a skill he possessed in the least. A fact, which he mentioned to Lily.

“Oh let me worry about that.”

“So you’re going to wander around trying to get me friends are you?”

“Nope you’re going to wander around and get yourself friends I’m just going to help.”

“And how are you going to do that?”

Lily leaned back and looked at him critically. “Well, you know I adore you just the way you are, but I think we might have to work on how you present yourself.”

Severus felt his stomach roll and he wasn’t sure if it was because Lily had said that she adored him or because he was afraid of what was coming. “Lily I’m not becoming a vain, shallow person just so that people will like me. Last time I checked Lockhart had that quota filled.”

“Lockhart left school years ago.”

“And yet his ego remains.”

“Sev.” she laughed pushing him playfully. “I didn’t even mean that we were going to change how you look. Not really.”

“What does not really mean?” he asked sceptically.

“Promise you’ll hear me out before you say no to this.”

The doubt on his face increased “I’m not going to like this am I?”

“You know you might end up liking it more than you think. Trust me Sev and promise.”

“I promise to listen to what you have to say but I can’t promise to do it until I know what it is.”

Lily took a deep breath in and began “It’s very simple really. I just want you to act the way you do during the summer.”

“Do I act differently during the summer?”

“Totally.”

“How so?”

“Sev when is the last time you laughed, I mean really laughed?”

“That’s easy in the potions room with you.”

Lily sighed exasperatedly “When’s the last time you laughed around someone who wasn’t me?”

“I suppose over the summer with May and Cris.”

“And when is the last time you laughed at school?” she asked and hurriedly added “Around someone who wasn’t me.”

Once again Severus’ forehead furrowed in concentration “I honestly don’t know. What does this have to do with anything?”

“Sev you laughed all the time this summer. I thought you were going to be ill when Cris told us the exploding beer bottle story. You never laugh like that here. You also never go to quidditch matches, or tell jokes or just sit and talk to people. You just seem to constantly have your nose buried in a book. So that’s the first thing. You, Severus Snape, are going to stop reading so blasted much and start talking to people. And yes some of it will be silly and trite but you’ll survive.”

“No reading at all?” Severus looked like a little boy who had lost his puppy dog.

Lily laughed “Alright I’ll compromise with you. You can still read at meals and for however long it takes you to get your homework done but outside of that forget it. No more spending all night every night in the library, or all weekend either. And you are coming to the first quidditch match of the season with me.”

“And what if it’s Gryffindor versus Slytherin?”

“Then we’ll sit with the Hufflepuffs or Ravenclaws.”

“I’m sure that will be popular.”

“Fine you sit with your team and I’ll sit with mine.”

“How does this help with the low profile thing?” he asked.

Lily felt a small surge of frustration and then she looked at the boy next to her and saw that his lips were twitching. “Now you’re just being difficult on purpose.”

“I sure am. It seems this year I’m going to have to take my enjoyment where I can find it.” and a huge smile spread across his face.

Lily looked at him softly for a moment “Do you know, you have the greatest smile I have ever seen.” she watched as a look of disbelief replaced the smile. “I mean it, truly. Seeing you smile is like watching the sun come out after the rain.”

Normally Severus would have ducked his head so that Lily wouldn’t see him blush but this time he looked her dead in the eye and replied “Thank you. You have a pretty great smile yourself. Well we should go before Mulciber comes looking for me.”

“He said he wouldn’t look in broom closets.”

“No, he said he wouldn’t mind if I was in one with someone. Believe me when I tell you that does not mean he won’t look.” he said rising from the floor.

Lily looked disgusted for a moment. “Please tell me you’ve never done that.”

“What got off in a broom closet with someone or spied on broom closet activities?”

“Spied.”

“No, spying is not my idea of fun. I’d rather read a good book.”

Lily laughed and playfully pushed him out of the door. “I’ll see you at Slughorn’s tonight.”

Severus groaned, “I’m not to get to skive off of a single one of those this year am I?”

“Not a prayer.” Lily said with a laugh before heading to the portrait hole.

Severus watched her climb through and then headed back downstairs thinking that he might go and find Slughorn. Then he could volunteer to be a tutor before he over thought the whole thing and backed out. One week in and it already looked like this was going to be the longest year of his life.


	13. Interlude

September slowly slid into October without much fanfare. As promised Severus had talked to Slughorn and was now tutoring several students in potions. Lily had also seen him sitting in the Slytherin stands at the first quidditch match of the season, though she could tell by the angle of his head he was actually reading. Still, he was making some kind of effort and she was proud of that. Other little things were changing as well. Lily noticed his perpetual scowl was fading, true he still wasn’t smiling but at least he didn’t look like he would bite someone’s head off if they tried talking to him. He didn’t raise his hand quite so much in class either, though as Lily had predicted people were starting to wonder if he was ill. There was still a long way to go of course, because she still found him in the library more often than not, though he always had an excuse for why he was there. On the bright side he was no longer buried at the back of the room; instead he often chose a table closer to the front. He said it made it easier for the people he was tutoring to find him.

If Lily was disappointed in anything it was the way her other friends were acting. As Remus had predicted most people had come around rather quickly, while they still didn’t know why Lily had forgiven Snape it was clear to all of them he wasn’t going anywhere. So, most had acted the way they had since discovering Lily and the Slytherin were friends back in first year, with polite indifference. That certainly didn’t mean they were willing to let that Snape boy into the Gryffindor inner circle.

It caused Lily to wonder if the Gryffindors were really much better than the Slytherins, after all none of the people in her house had bothered to try to get to know Severus in the first place, he had just been lumped into the Slytherin so evil category and written off. A fact that was made clear to her when Mary cornered her one night and asked just what was Lily thinking, forgiving ‘that greasy slimeball’ and since when had she and Snape become best friends? With a start Lily realized she had never once called Severus her best friend at school, in fact, most of her housemates assumed May was her best friend. Lily had to admit she hadn’t handled the situation in the best possible way. In the end, she and Mary had not spoken for weeks until Alice had forged a peace between them.

The only person who really supported her was Remus, maybe because he was the only one who knew what was truly going on. She could have cried the first time he sat down at a table in the library with her and Severus. Lily knew it was a feather in their caps to have Remus sitting with them, not only because he was a Prefect but because he was one of the more popular people in school.  And while Lily knew Remus was in no way ready to be friends with Severus she felt it showed he was at least ready to give his classmate another chance. Severus had done well, he had been distant, but very polite, at least until Black and Potter had shown up. Even then, Severus had just buried his head deeper into his book, ignoring Sirius’ remarks about his appearance. Lily’s respect for Remus increased tenfold when he told Black to lay off and she could tell Severus was surprised by the act, though outwardly he gave nothing away.

Lily knew there had been an incident later that day between Severus and Potter, because James had ended up in the common room tearing off his shoes and socks and clutching his feet while his toenails grew out of control. No one had been able to make it stop, so eventually Lily had had to hunt down Severus in order to get the counter hex. She had found him in the potions corridor; legs still wobbly from the jelly-legs jinx Potter had cast on him. It had taken a little doing but she had finally pried the needed information out of him, though he refused point blank to tell her what had happened.

Lily found out later that night from Remus that Sirius had waylaid Severus walking to the Slytherin common room from the library and that Severus had body bound Black and was walking away when James had come to his best friend’s defence. Lily tried to be annoyed with all of them, but honestly, it was fairly tame compared to what usually happened when the three boys met up. Besides, she found Severus’ newly invented hex to be funny, not that she was going to tell him that.

All in all, it had been a quiet month, even the lot in Slytherin had been amazingly restrained, for which Lily was grateful, because somehow she didn’t think the peace would last much longer. Sure enough, the storm broke one Monday morning in early October, though she only learned about it much later.

Like Lily, Severus had been appreciative of the stillness of the first month of school, as between the end of last term and the first week of the new one he felt he had had enough drama to last him awhile. His announcement to his housemates about his intention to be head boy had gone over well. There had been a small amount of grumbling from a few fanatics about how they should put forward a pure-blooded candidate, but they were silenced when a letter arrived from Lucius Malfoy, clearly stating his approval of Severus’ goal.

Severus couldn’t help but feel proud of the endorsement; Lucius was what he had always hoped to be, respected, intelligent, powerful, well connected, rich. And there was the added benefit that he had taken Severus under his wing. Outside of Lily, Lucius had been his only friend the whole of first year. Severus didn’t regret walking away from most of the people in his house but knowing he would be losing Lucius’ friendship was a hard thing.

Severus exited the History of Magic room, Lucius’ letter clasped in his hand, trying to figure out some way to keep his friend and yet not become a Death Eater. Part of him told him it was a lost cause that Lucius would want nothing more to do with him after the break and the other part wanted to desperately believe Lucius was his friend and would therefore stand by him. Of course, he had thought he and Lily would be able to remain friends and grow into even more when he joined Lord Voldemort’s ranks and obviously he had been wrong about that.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Potter stop Longbottom for a discussion about quidditch practice. Severus was grateful for the distraction, as Potter seemed more diligent than usual about hunting him down and hexing him. So far he had managed not to inflict too much damage on the other boy but it had been a close thing on several occasions. He especially wanted to be on his best behaviour around the Head Boy as he had recently found out a piece of information about Longbottom that could be significant in the future.

Severus turned the corner, headed down to the Great Hall for lunch, when he saw Mulciber and Avery several feet away cornering a very frightened looking Alice Nesbitt. Severus glanced over his shoulder to make sure Longbottom was still talking to Potter before he strode forward.

“What are the two of you doing?” He inquired sharply.

“Ahhh Snape, come to join the fun have we?” Mulciber asked.

“Thought we’d give Nesbitt a return visit to the broom closet.” Avery replied, stepping menacingly towards the girl, who shrank a little in response.

“Did you?” Severus’ voice was a smooth a silk.

“Yes, care to join us?” questioned Mulciber glibly.

“Not exactly what I had in mind.” Severus quickly grabbed Alice’s wand from Avery’s hand and tossed it to her. “Go on Nesbitt, get out of here.”

Alice looked perplexedly at Severus for a moment before scurrying off down the corridor.

“What in the hell do you think you’re doing Snape?” demanded Avery.

“Saving you from yourselves. Don’t you know that Longbottom fancies Nesbitt?”

“What do we care if he fancies her? The girl’s a blood traitor and an idiot to boot.”

“There are many stupider people in this school, I assure you.” Severus wanted to add ‘ _like the two people standing in front of me,’_ but managed to refrain.

“Why are you so interested in Nesbitt all of a sudden? Has the object of your affection changed?” asked Avery, a wicked sparkle in his green eyes.

Severus was seized by an overwhelming desire to bash Mulciber and Avery’s heads together, just to see what would happen. Maybe what little brains they had would fall out and they would become completely mindless.

“Didn’t you just hear me say Longbottom fancies Nesbitt? What would it look like if I let her get bullied?”

Mulciber quickly retorted “And why are we sucking up to that prat exactly?”

Severus leaned in and dropped his voice, whispering conspiratorially “Slughorn told me the other night the outgoing Head Boy and Girl get to make a recommendation about who their successors will be. So if I want to be Head Boy then it behoves me to be nice to Longbottom and the girl he fancies.”

“You’re serious about this Head Boy thing aren’t you?” asked Mulciber wondrously.

“Did you think I wasn’t?”

“Well we weren’t sure frankly.” chimed in Avery.

“Have I ever said I was going to do something and then not followed through?” asked Severus coldly.

“No.”

“Well then. Now if the two of you could please conduct your pranks in a way that does not involve me I would appreciate it. As would the entire house, I’m sure.”

“The entire house, how so?”

Severus gave an internal sigh. Really Avery was too thick for words. If these were the kind of followers the Dark Lord was going to have then it was a good thing he was getting out, because clearly they were doomed. Not to mention it didn’t speak highly of the whole pure-bloods are better philosophy. “I am doing this for the greater glory of Slytherin. How many years has it been since there has been a Head Boy or Girl from Slytherin?”

“I don’t know, at least ten.” said Mulciber.

“Try twenty. It’s a disgrace and I am going to change that, if human effort can. And getting into silly pranks will not help my cause. No, this year I have to behave impeccably.”

“What about Potter and Black?” asked Mulciber watching the two Gryffindors walk by.

Severus returned Potter’s dirty look with one of his own. “I might have to make an exception there. Some people need to have a little sense knocked into them every now and again.”

“And you’d be happy to do the knocking I take it?” enquired Avery as the group entered the Great Hall.

“Ecstatic.” replied Severus watching as Potter sat down on one side of Lily. Much to his relief Lily didn’t seem the slightest bit interested in talking to the prat.

“Well, maybe we could take up some of the slack for you there.” said Mulciber.

“Feel free.” growled Severus.

He watched as Potter placed his hand over Lily’s. Maybe he could think up some way to give Potter some sort of skin disease, thus ensuring he would be unable to touch anyone, least of all Lily. Or maybe not, because Lily seemed to be taking care of herself just fine. She whipped her hand out from under Potter’s and moved several places down the table. She caught Severus’ eye as she sat down in her spot and gave him a small smile. Severus wanted to laugh at the look on Potter’s face but knew the boy would retaliate and he had to meet Ametus Falconar for a tutoring session this afternoon. So he dug in his bag for his notes from last year in the effort to be prepared for the meeting.

Severus was pleasantly surprised by the tutoring sessions. He had always assumed tutoring would be a completely tedious effort, but it actually wasn’t so bad. He didn’t know if that was because Slughorn had given him students who just needed a little bit of a nudge or if he possessed more patience then he had previously thought. He suspected it was the former because he didn’t seem to tolerate stupidity any better in any other area of his life.

The only exception was Urania Burke, who had specifically asked for him, she was his only Slytherin as well as his only pure-blood. She was also the one who most grated on his nerves, mostly because she never paid attention to what she was doing. She had already melted her cauldron and the other day had managed to damage his own beyond repair. This had led to him venting loudly to Lily about the stupidity of second years in general and his own idiocy in particular for lending his one and only cauldron to such a dunderhead. He had paced up and down the potions room for a good twenty minutes, calling Urania, Slughorn and himself every name he could think of and when those ran out he had made up a few. Lily had sat on a table and laughed until the tears ran from her eyes. Eventually he collapsed next to her and gazed dejectedly at the cauldron, wondering how on earth he was going to work on a single one of his ideas. That had only made Lily laugh harder and ask him jokingly who his best friend was, her or the cauldron. He had pretended to be affronted by the question but he knew despite his best efforts he had whinged a lot the month it had taken them to make the Polyjuice Potion and unfortunately Lily had heard more of it than anyone else.

Now he would be reduced to using whatever Slughorn could dig up in the supply cupboard. Merlin only knew what condition any of those cauldrons were in. Dented certainly and that meant he would have to double and triple measure everything. He had known exactly what a litre of liquid looked like in his cauldron, which was how he got away with “just randomly throwing things into a cauldron”. Add to that the fact most of those cauldrons had probably never been cleaned properly and everyone knew some ingredients seeped into the metal if they weren’t cleaned out soon enough. Lily had told him he was overreacting when he shared this piece of information with her. Severus had sighed and muttered under his breath he was the only person who appreciated the exacting art of potion making. Lily had offered him the use of her cauldron but he couldn’t figure out how that was going to work when they had potions together.

Sighing he went back to reviewing his notes. Ametus was mostly concerned with preparing for his O.W.L.s. Luckily Severus had kept his test paper after the exam was done so they were slowly working their way down the list of questions. After that Severus figured they would work on the potions the examiners were likely to ask the fifth years to brew for the practical. Ametus was perhaps the most surprising of all the people he had been asked to tutor. A half-blood, like himself, Ametus was a wildly popular Gryffindor, a member of his house’s quidditch team and a one of the multitude that followed James Potter and Sirius Black around. So Severus had been prepared for sullen treatment at best and outright distain at worst. But Ametus, whose mother was seen as the ultimate blood traitor by Mulciber, who couldn’t forgive his aunt for marrying a broke muggle, actually treated Severus with respect.  Why Severus couldn’t figure out, so he remained wary around the younger boy.

“What in Merlin’s name is that?” asked Mulciber, interrupting his train of thought.

“What?” he asked, looking up.

“That.” and Mulciber’s finger pointed up to the ceiling at several owls carrying a large package.

It seemed as if every set of eyes in the Great Hall watched the owls circle and land at the Gryffindor table. “I wonder what it is? Must weigh a good bit to need that many owls to carry it.”

“Who knows. Prat Potter’s parents probably sent him another one of his stupid packages.”

“Come on Snape no ones parents send them that many sweets, it must be something really good.”

“Unless the package explodes and sends him to the hospital wing for the rest of the year I don’t care.” Severus watched the crowd around the Gryffindor table increase. Even Lily was standing up to look.

Stupid Potter somehow he always managed to get Lily’s attention. Why did she have to be in that house? If she couldn’t be a Slytherin couldn’t she have at least been a Ravenclaw? Even Hufflepuff would have been better. He knew he had to think of a way to get her away from Potter before she finally gave in and went out with him.

To that end Severus was going to stage a pre-emptive strike. Just that morning he had noticed the schedule for the Hogsmeade trips had gone up. He had never once asked Lily to go to the village with him, in the beginning they had just gone together by mutual agreement then by the end of last year she had gone with her Gryffindor friends and he went with Avery and Mulciber, if he went at all. But this time he was going to ask her, thus ensuring she couldn’t go with Potter. Besides he had noticed she was spending a worrying amount of time with Lupin. Frankly he could barely cope with the idea of Potter stealing her away, having to deal with Lupin might send him over the edge.

“I’ve got to go to Arithmancy.” he said, stuffing his notes back into his bag.

“Don’t worry I’ll shoot one at Potter for you on the way to Divination.”

“Thanks Vincent.”

“Sure, anything for our next Head Boy.” he replied jovially.

Severus almost felt guilty for all the lies he was telling. He tried to justify it by telling himself Lily was more important than Mulciber. Still Mulciber could be nice on occasion, especially when he was removed from Avery’s company. There were times when he wondered if he was completely insane for doing what he was. He knew the people in Slytherin weren’t his true friends, if he were honest then he only had four friends in all the world and two of them he had only had for slightly more than three months. Still at least the Slytherin’s appreciated his talent and didn’t pick on him for things he had no control over, like his stupid name, or lack of money or good looks. _Just your bloodline_ whispered a little voice at the back of his mind.

Ultimately he knew he had to sever this connection to get Lily. Lily who had moments ago been standing next to Potter laughing. Lily who he loved so desperately, the first person he had completely loved since his gram. He was sorely tempted to skive off arithmancy for the day. To go to his spot in the owlery and try to figure out who he was and what he was doing and how to make sure that he won. That in the end it was him and not Potter Lily was with. Merlin he was frustrated. He wanted to curse something or someone. It was so tempting to solve his problem by hexing Potter into oblivion. But he knew he couldn’t.

“Sod it.” for the first time in six years he was going to skive off a lesson.

“Severus wait.” called the only voice in the world that could get him to stop.

Turning, he saw Lily walking down the corridor holding the package that had been delivered mere moments ago in the Great Hall. “Well, come help me.” she laughed

Severus rushed to her side and grabbed the package from her arms, surprised at the weight of it. “What in the world?”

“Come on let’s go in here.” she said holding open a door.

“Another broom closet?”

“Sev, just get in here.”

He took a quick glance around and scrambled into the closet. He hadn’t fully closed the door when Lily uttered a quick word and bathed them in light. “I know we don’t have a lot of time so just go ahead and open it.”

“Open what?”

“The package.” Lily’s eyes were alight with mirth.

Slowly Severus opened the box and peered inside. Sitting in the box was a brand new cauldron. “Lily, I can’t take this.”

“Of course you can.”

“No, it costs too much. I’ll just use one of the school’s until Christmas holidays.”

“Now why would you do that?”

“I can’t let you waste your money on me.”

“I didn’t spend my money on you I spent it on me.”

“How so?”

“Well, now I don’t have to listen to you go on and on about the wretched thing. So really you’re doing me the favour. Because honestly there’s only so long a girl can listen to her best friend whinge about a cauldron before it comes down to either buying him a new one or silencing him for an entire term. I took a chance, but if you’d prefer the spell.”

“No, definitely not.”

“Good. I know you have to get to Arithmancy so I’ll see you later okay.”

“Sure.” Severus watched Lily climb out of the closet and then on a whim called out after her “Lily will you go to Hogsmeade with me?”

Lily turned with one foot out of the door and smiled “That would be fun.”

“Good I’ll see you then.”

“I’m sure you’ll see me before then Sev. Now go to Arithmancy before you miss your first class ever.”

The thrill of the fact that he had beaten Potter to the punch carried him through several days. He tried to remind himself this was just two friends going to the village together; it didn’t mean he and Lily were together or that she fancied him. Still it was hard not to feel cocky about his triumph, even harder was trying not to gloat to the prat. Each time he saw Lily he felt a little burst of pride at the thought of them walking down the lane towards the village together. And maybe just maybe he’d be able to pretend for a moment or two they were really together, that Lily was his girlfriend and they were going to go snog in Madame Puttifoot’s like every other couple at Hogwarts.

The euphoria was so great he hardly retaliated when Potter jinxed him outside of Defense two days later. His delight only increased when Lily, who had seen the whole thing, told him how proud she was of his conduct later that day. For once things seemed to be going exactly how he wanted them to. All he had to do was hold out a year and a half more and then they would leave school, Lily would be away from the prat and he would be free to make his move. Surely he could keep them apart that long, especially since Lily was revelling in his ongoing efforts to change.

Lily knew Severus was happy about the fact they were going to Hogsmeade together. Though to the average observer nothing had changed she could detect a slight bounce in his step that hadn’t been there a few days earlier. Lily wanted to laugh each time she saw it. In some ways Severus was still such a child, the tiniest thing seemed to be able to lift his spirits. Of course May’s response had been he was so happy because he fancied her. And much to her surprise May had also written Lily should be careful about how far she took things with him because he could very easily misinterpret Lily’s actions. Unless Lily fancied Severus in return, in which case she should do anything she pleased. Otherwise nothing would kill their friendship faster than a broken heart. Lily thought May was taking things a little too far, while it was true that Severus obviously fancied her, and yes she was finally ready to admit that to herself, it’s not as if he were in love with her. A niggling little voice in her heart told her that wasn’t true but Lily refused to listen to it.

The truth was she wanted to go to Hogsmeade with Severus. She wanted to do all the things that they had planned to do before they came to school. Wanted to wander through Zonkos and buy strange sweets at Honeydukes, laugh at the boys looking squirmy at Madame Puttifoot’s, try to figure out who was haunting the Shrieking Shack. Things that somehow they hadn’t gotten around to doing the few times they had gone together, back before they each became isolated by their respective houses. Surely there could be no harm in that; after all if Severus had meant this as a date then certainly he would have said. Lily wondered for a moment if she would have agreed to go with him if that were the case. As expected her mind said no but her heart gave a queer little lurch. Lily stared into the fire, was it possible that she fancied Sev? She tried to picture them in a romantic scene from a movie but somehow it just didn’t work. No, there was no way she fancied him.

Or was there? Unbidden the feeling of his arms wrapped around her and his hand in hers came to mind. Lily felt a jolt in her stomach. She remembered climbing into his bed in the guestroom and how the smell of him had soothed and comforted her. She had assumed it had had such an affect because she was in such an emotionally fragile state at the time. Now she wondered if she had been wrong.

What would it be like to kiss Severus? Lily closed her eyes and tried to visualize such an act but it seemed too strange for words. It was much easier to picture kissing James Potter. She had realized she was attracted to James half way through last year but it was one thing to be attracted to a person and quite another to date them. How could she possibly see anyone who took such delight in tormenting her best friend? If James changed then things might be different but he showed no inclination to do such a thing. So for Lily that ended all thoughts of them being together as a couple. And that brought her back to Severus, Severus who was changing everything for her. What this new feeling was the thought of him invoked Lily couldn’t be certain and until she knew she was going to keep quiet and see how things developed. She also wanted to be sure Severus would stick with his resolution. Besides, he was her best friend, if things didn’t – Alice Nesbitt unexpectedly interrupted Lily’s reverie.

“Lily, I need a favour.”

“All you have to do is ask.” replied Lily, tearing her eyes away from the fire.

“Well Frank Longbottom asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him at the end of the month.”

“Alice that’s wonderful!”

Alice flushed crimson and grinned “I know.”

“I hope you said yes.”

“Yes.”

“Good, I’m happy you’re over the whole Sirius Black thing.”

“Definitely. He’s never going to be serious about anyone.”

“Glad you’ve finally seen the light. So what is it you need?”

“Well I know this sounds strange, but the idea of going on a date with Frank makes me –”

“What?”

“It makes me feel a little queer here.” and Alice pointed at her stomach.

“I know that feeling.”

“Really? Who do you –”

“Never mind, not important. I don’t think there’s any cure for that Alice.”

“I know, I was just wondering if maybe you would walk to the village with me and I don’t know, maybe stay until I’m comfortable, that way I don’t get so nervous I faint or run away.”

“Oh Alice I would love to but I already promised Sev I’d spend the day with him.”

“As in a date?”

“No just as friends.”

For a moment Alice looked as if she was deep in thought. “It’s fine with me if he comes.”

“Do you mean that?”

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t.”

“But you hate Sev.”

“I never said I hated Snape.”

Lily looked at her friend doubtfully. Alice hurried on “Okay, I have to admit I haven’t been a member of the Severus Snape fan club but he is your best friend so he must have some redeeming qualities.”

Lily took serious umbrage at this remark and was about to jump to Severus’ defence when Alice continued hesitantly. “Besides there’s something different about him this year. He’s almost – I don’t know – decent.”

“What makes you say that?” asked Lily her curiosity getting the better of her.

Alice proceeded to tell Lily about the incident in the hallway earlier in the week. “I couldn’t believe it when it happened. I thought for a moment someone had stolen some Polyjuice from potions class. But who would want to pretend they’re Snape? Maybe you’re finally rubbing off on him.” stated Alice with a shake of her head.

“Oh Alice, I’ve tried to tell you for years, tried to tell everyone Sev is a good person underneath all his prickles.”

“You can’t tell by his taste in friends, except you of course.”

“Thank you and I am working on that.”

“Apparently and doing a good job if the episode in the corridor is anything to go by.”

“Don’t give me too much credit Alice. I couldn’t do anything if he didn’t want to change.”

“True but between what happened Monday and what my cousin tells me I think I am prepared to give Snape another chance, for your sake.”

“Your cousin?”

“Ametus, Snape is tutoring him in potions.”

“I didn’t realize you and Ametus were related.”

“Through marriage.”

“And what does he say about Sev, just out of curiosity?”

“He’s a good tutor, highly skilled at what he does, though we all knew that. And he says Snape doesn’t treat him poorly because he’s a half-blood or a Gryffindor, though he is extremely exacting and doesn’t appear to have much tolerance for mistakes.”

“Now that I will give you. Sev is a perfectionist and expects nothing less from anyone else.” Lily laughed “You should have seen his face when he found out he had gotten an E on his O.W.L.s. It was as if his whole world had collapsed.”

“Snape got an E? Who would have thought? I assumed it was straight O’s for him.”

“Turns out Sev’s not so good with plants.”

“I can never understand why people have so much trouble with Herbology.”

Lily laughed “That’s because you are to Herbology what Sev is to Potions, Alice.”

“And what is that?”

“A genius.”

“Lily that’s ridiculous.”

“Hmm that’s what he said when I said it to him. It would be nice if one of my friends believed me.”

“I don’t know about Snape but I know I feel there’s still a lot for me to learn.”

“Maybe that’s what makes you both so talented. The fact you’re both always questing for more knowledge.”

“Maybe. Anyway, feel free to bring him and I promise I will be on my best behaviour. I can’t vouch for Frank but if it gets too bad then you can both leave.”

Lily contemplated Alice for a moment. This seemed the perfect opportunity to expose Severus to new people and ideas. “Alright, it’s a deal.”

“Well, I should go get ready for bed. Thanks Lily.”

“My pleasure and Alice, I’m really happy for you. Frank is a stand up bloke.”

“I know, he is, isn’t he?” Alice gave an excited giggle and headed towards the staircase.

Lily slowly gathered up May’s most recent letter and prepared to follow Alice. She felt buoyed by the conversation they had just had. Mentally she pushed Alice to their side of the fence, all she could do now was hope Severus would be cordial when they all went to Hogsmeade. Lily had climbed a couple of stairs when she heard a voice behind her.

“Hey Evans!”

Lily sighed and resignedly turned around, she knew what was coming. “Yes, James.”

“I was wondering if you would go to Hogsmeade with me.”

Behind James, Lily could see Sirius and Peter hanging on every word. Really at least Remus had the good grace to pretend to be reading.  “Actually I’m already going with someone, but thank you for asking.” and turning she continued up towards the dorms.

“Who?” the voice called.

Lily knew she would get no peace until she told him, so she turned back around and walked down the steps until she was just a head over him. “Severus.”

“What are you going with that greasy git for?”

“That greasy git happens to be my best friend. Not to mention the fact I’m certain I’ll have more fun with him, seeing as we’ll be able to get into the shops. And I can’t be at all sure of that with you, considering how swollen you’re head is.”

“Come on Lily. I promise I’ll leave Snape alone for the rest of term if you go with me instead.”

“Potter if you know what’s good for you, you’ll leave him alone no matter what, that is unless you liked your toenails growing out of control.” Lily turned and started up the stairs again. Then abruptly she turned “Oh and Potter, girls don’t generally go out with men who try to blackmail them. Just a tip.” Lily then bounded up the stairs, the sound of Sirius Black’s bark like laugh ringing in her ears.

Lily spent the next morning in the dorms with Alice, attempting to find the perfect outfit for her wear on her first date with Frank. Even Mary joined in and they all ended up getting rather silly and giggly. That was one good thing about going with Severus, she didn’t have to worry about what to wear or running out of things to say. It was with that comforting thought in mind she went off to find him late Saturday afternoon. As she had expected she found him in the library, though at slightly more isolated table then she usually found him at of late.

“What are you doing way back here?” she whispered, sitting down next to him.

Severus looked up, clearly startled “What? Oh everyone told me they were busy this weekend and wouldn’t need any help with potions. So I’m taking advantage of the situation.”

“Nice try. What’s the real reason?”

“I can’t stand being around people all the time. Besides Potter seems to be in a particularly bad strop today.”

Lily shifted guiltily “I think that may be my fault.”

“How so?”

“Well he asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him, like he always does and I said no, like I always do.” Lily sensed rather than saw Severus’ happiness at this news “And well you know usually he would just keep asking and I would just keep saying no. So I decided to cut to the chase this time and tell him I was already going with someone. Of course he had to ask me who and I told him you and then he became his usual toerag self and that’s that. I suppose I didn’t think about what it would mean for you.”

“Don’t worry about me I can take care of myself.”

“I know I just don’t want to add to your troubles.”

“Believe me, if it hadn’t been Hogsmeade he would have come up with another reason.”

“What did he do to you?” she asked, watching him put his notes back into his bag.

“Come on, let’s go for a walk. There’s not many people in here and Madame Pince is watching me like a hawk.”

Lily nodded her head and stood to follow Severus out of the library. Neither said another word until they were walking out on the grounds “So what did Potter do and why was Madame Pince watching you like a hawk?”

“Nothing so bad, just a stinging hex. And she was watching me because of course Potter had to antagonize me right outside of the library.”

“And what did you do to him? Are his toenails three feet long by now?”

“No and what makes you think I did anything to him?”

“I know you.”

“Let’s just say, for argument’s sake, that I threw a bat-boogey his way and escaped in to the library, would you be terribly upset?”

“I suppose not, though just escaping to the library would have been better.”

“Ahh yes but then he would still be sitting there waiting for me. Plus he would have had time to stew and things would be much worse when I finally emerged.”

“Well when you put it that way I can hardly fault you. I guess I’ll let it slide this time. Besides I heard something very nice about you last night and that makes me more inclined to cut you a little slack.”

“What did you hear?”

“What you did for Alice Nesbitt.”

“Oh that.”

“Yes that. It was very sweet of you to rescue her.”

Severus looked at little uncomfortable “It was nothing.”

“Not to her.”

“Well Nesbitt’s not so bad.”

“And she told me you’re nice to her cousin.”

“Who’s her cousin?”

“Ametus Falconar. I didn’t know they were related, did you?”

“No, but I’m not surprised. Nearly all the pure-blood families are related in one way or another.”

“But you’re mother’s a pure-blood.”

“Yes.”

“Does that mean you’re related to Alice.”

“Probably in some way or another.”

Lily went on slowly “That also means you’re related to Sirius Black and James Potter.”

“Unfortunately.”

“You know you’re related to them?”

“Of course I do. Black’s something like a third cousin once removed and Potter’s closer than that.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No, my Mother’s Aunt Lysandra married Arcturus Black. He was the brother of Sirius Black, not this Sirius, his great-grandfather or something like that. And another one of his brothers is Potter’s grandfather. I think that’s right, it’s hard to keep it all straight.” he chanced a glance sideways and saw Lily looking at him disbelievingly. “What?”

“How can you be like that to each other if you’re all cousins in one way shape or form?”

Severus laughed “Do you really like everyone in your family, Lily? Besides my mother’s not highly thought of in those circles, not since she married my father.”

Lily continued to splutter next to him. “Lily it’s just the way it is. Everyone is so enmeshed in each other’s families – it’s completely convoluted, we couldn’t all possibly like one another, it’s a statistical impossibility. It’s not as if there are big reunions where all the pure-blooded families of England get together. I never even met any of these people until I got here. Just like Potter and Black never met each other until they were on the Express and they’re more closely related to each other than I am to them.”

“I just don’t understand.”

“Don’t understand what?”

“How you can – how there is – why do you all fight like that? Why don’t witches and wizards get along better if they’re all family?”

“Believe me, I do not consider Potter or Black to be family. Nor do they think of me in such a way. I can’t explain it Lily, it’s too complicated.”

“Sev, all this pure-blood, half-blood thing is ridiculous if you look at it that way.”

“I suppose.” he said hesitantly.

“Though I think I understand about muggleborns a little better. We must be seen as interlopers on the family.”

Severus laughed again “I should have never let you drag me to see that Godfather movie. We’re not like that Lily. The pure-bloods, half-bloods, whatever are not one big, happy family and you shouldn’t think of us that way.”

“Wouldn’t it solve a lot of the conflict if you all could bring yourselves to think of one another that way?”

Severus shrugged “Maybe, maybe not. After all the worst fights are feuds and civil wars and those people are all related as well.” Severus knew she was going to cling to the idea for a long time to come, he also knew this was a task that was completely beyond his ability “Lily, I can’t change the world, only myself.”

“Well that’s a start.”

 


	14. Hogsmeade

Severus awoke the morning of the term’s first Hogsmeade visit with a knot of nervousness in his stomach. Which was stupid, because hadn’t he and Lily done a million things together since they had become friends? Why was going to Hogsmeade now so different? He supposed it was because they hadn’t gone together in a year and a half and frankly people made assumptions when a boy and a girl went to the village together. Not that he cared if people made those assumptions about him and Lily.

Severus rolled out of bed and grabbed his robes off the floor, where he had tossed them the night before. He had planned to take a shower when he got up but now he was so hungry breakfast seemed a better choice. Severus decided that he would eat quickly and then come back and get ready. Perhaps part of his nervousness was due to the fact he had a plan for today and he was a little unsure of what Lily’s reception of it would be. Severus hiked up the stairs and sat down at the Slytherin table, grabbed a bowl of eggs and began dishing them up. Glancing across the room, he was surprised to see Lily sitting at the Gryffindor table eating her own breakfast, since she usually ate earlier. Next to Lily was a very nervous looking Alice, in fact, she looked almost as nervous as he felt.  A swoosh from above announced the arrival of the day’s mail. Severus had just received a letter and package from Cris the day before so wasn’t expecting anything. But he watched as Archimedes circled the table and landed in front of Lily, a large, brown parcel tied to his leg.

He wondered if it was another package from Violet, who seemed to be sending them with greater frequency than usual this year. His bedside cupboard was currently overflowing with all sorts of home baked sweets, including his favourite cinnamon spice biscuits, he literally couldn’t eat the treats fast enough. And it appeared he wasn’t alone in this, as Cris had mentioned in his letter he was also getting biscuits by the ton. Even May had paused in her effervescent letter about Alex’s visit to complain she was starting to get fat from all of Violet’s sweets.

Severus thought the constant baking was perhaps one of Violet’s ways of dealing with Daniel’s passing. He knew he shouldn’t complain but he worked very hard to keep his weakness for sugary snacks in check and now that determination was faltering, if only because he was running out of places to keep them all. He supposed the sensible thing would be to share them, but he thought it highly likely his housemates would reject muggle made baked goods. So Severus very selfishly kept them all, enjoying the fact that for the first time since his gram had died he could have all the biscuits he wanted whenever he wanted them. At least he was being sensible today and eating eggs and sausages instead of the handful of biscuits he had had last night for dinner. But he really had needed to finish his Arithmancy homework for Monday, so that made it all right to skive off dinner and eat the biscuits instead.

After bolting his breakfast, Severus shoved back from the table and went downstairs to prepare. He took two of the bottles that had arrived in the package from Cris yesterday from his trunk. It seemed Crispin’s roommate’s girlfriend was working at a boutique where they were giving her countless samples of a new men’s hair care line. She had brought so much of it to Cris and Reginald’s that Cris had pawned some of it off on Severus, begging him to save the roommates from the deluge. Remembering what Lily had said about his hair after the funeral Severus was determined to use it today.

Sighing at the frivolity of spending a fortune on countless different products when a bar of soap worked for everything, Severus entered the bathroom and claimed a shower. He did have to admit using this fancy stuff did make it slightly easier to comb his hair. And anything that helped with that was welcome because he just couldn’t seem to win with his hair, if he didn’t wash it then it was an oil slick and if he did then it was a hopeless tangle that took a good ten minutes to comb out. Who had the time to do that every day?

When his hair had finally been subdued he took a pair of tan trousers and a dark green jumper, both items passed down from Crispin, from his trunk. For the first time he wished he had better shoes than his standard black boots, but that was all his father wore and he was always reduced to filching a pair from the bin when his father threw them out. Severus swore to himself that someday he would have enough money to go to the shops and buy a proper pair, ones that fitted him correctly, but for today this pair were all he had. He grabbed his coat and scarf from his bed, unable to believe he had spent a good half hour getting ready.

Severus heard whispers following him as he walked through the common room. Maybe dressing like this hadn’t been such a great idea, because if this was how his house was reacting Merlin only knew what the Marauders would do. He tried to keep in mind Lily would be pleased and wasn’t that why he had gone to such excessive lengths with his appearance?  Attempting to quell the writhing in his stomach Severus walked up the stairs from the dungeons, trying to ignore the looks people were giving him. When he reached the entrance hall he began to search for Lily, pushing his way through the gaping crowds. It wasn’t until he passed the Marauders and heard Sirius Black exclaim rather loudly “Merlin, the world must be about to end! Snape’s washed his hair!” he finally understood what all the looks were about.

Was that what people thought? That he didn’t bathe? That was ridiculous. It wasn’t as if he smelled or anything. Honestly people could be so stupid. Finally catching sight of Lily by the foot of the stairs he hurried over to her. “Good morning, Lily.”

Quickly she turned around, her eyes lighting up when they settled on him “Morning, Sev. Don’t you look nice.”

“Do you think? Cris gave me the clothes.”

“Well, they look better on you than they did on him.”

Severus blushed slightly “Thank you.”

“And you did that thing with your hair.”

“Yeah,– Lily, do people think… ” Severus stopped abruptly as Alice Nesbitt came to a halt at Lily’s side.

“Do I look alright?” She asked Lily nervously.

“You look perfect. Listen Alice, can I have one minute to talk to Sev alone?”

“Sure, I’ll go stand over with Sabrina, you know she’s going to the village with that Ravenclaw prefect. What’s his name Nicholas, Nathan? Oh, I can’t remember.”

“Nathaniel.”

“That’s it,” Alice confirmed victoriously before rushing off to stand by her roommate.

Severus almost didn’t want to hear what was coming. Had Lily changed her mind about going with him?

“I need a favour, Sev.”

“Okay.” he began tentatively.

“Alice has a date with Frank Longbottom and she’s really nervous, so she’d like it if we could walk to the village together.”

Severus almost laughed at his own foolishness. “Is that all? That’s fine, I can meet you there.”

“No, silly you’re meant to walk with us. Also, she would like it if we would go to the Three Broomsticks with her to meet Frank.”

 “So, just so I’m entirely clear, you’re saying that we are going to tag along on Longbottom and Nesbitt’s first date.”

“No, we’re going to stay until she’s comfortable and then we can go off and do our own thing.”

“And you’re sure she doesn’t mind me coming?”

“Yes, I asked her weeks ago, that’s how I found out you had rescued her.”

Severus was a little sceptical about this plan. “I don’t know, Lily, isn’t it odd to bring your friend and her friend on a date with you?”

“Oh Sev, girls do it all the time.”

“Do they really?”

“Yes. It’s like having an escape plan. We all do that too.”

“What exactly are you on about?”

“Do I have to teach you everything?”

“About girls? Apparently.”

“Is everything alright?” questioned Alice as she rejoined the two friends.

“Yes, I’m just trying to explain to Sev about escape plans. But let’s get in the queue, while I try to sort it out for him.”

Alice giggled and went to join the rapidly growing line of students.

“All right, go ahead and explain these escape plans to me.” said Severus as he and Lily got in line next to Alice.

“Well, when you go out with a boy and you’re not completely sure how you feel about him you make an arrangement with one of your friends ahead of time. She’ll go with you or drop by while you’re on the date and at some point she’ll pull you aside to see if you’re having a good time, if you like the boy and whatnot. If you are, then she’ll go off and leave you be, if not then she’ll make up an emergency so you have to leave.”

“That’s insane! Why not just tell the person you don’t fancy them or aren’t having fun. You know, the truth.”

“I suppose because this way seems nicer and you don’t hurt the other person’s feelings as much.”

“Lily, eventually someone is going to end up feeling hurt. Because sooner or later you’ll have to tell the bloke you don’t fancy him.”

“You do have a point there,” Alice chimed in.

“Do you really want a girl to look at you and say she doesn’t fancy you and would rather not see you again?” Lily inquired.

“It might be better than waiting around because you think you have a chance.”

“Do men wait around for women?” Alice asked, a little bitterly and Lily knew she was thinking about Sirius.

“Yes, some do.” answered Severus emphatically.

“If I ever found the man who was willing to wait for me to get my shite together just to be with him, I would never let him go. Don’t you agree, Lily?”

Lily wasn’t sure how to answer that particular question. If she said yes that would be tantamount to telling Severus she was willing to hear him declare his feelings and she wasn’t there, not by a long chalk.  By the same token, a no meant she wasn’t even the tiniest bit interest and somehow she didn’t think that was the case either. “I suppose it would depend on the man and how long he had waited. This conversation is silly. Let’s talk about something else,” suggested Lily as they exited the castle.

“All right.” agreed Alice, turning slightly she said to Severus “I’ve been meaning to thank you for what you did for me Sna – Severus. It was very nice of you.”

Severus looked down at his boots scuffing up dust on the track “Don’t mention it.” he mumbled.

Alice was obviously a little perplexed by his reaction until she looked at Lily, who mouthed, “He’s embarrassed.” Alice smiled and nodded. “So how are everyone’s classes going?”

This was one subject they could all talk about, so the rest of the walk was taken up with discussions of homework and what they had hoped to learn and weren’t. This in turn led to a discussion of when apparition classes were likely to begin. Lily noticed Severus wasn’t contributing much to the conversation; he merely threw in the occasional word or two, which slightly frustrated her. Alice was a lovely girl, open, warm, non-judgemental. She knew if Severus would open up they could be friends because Alice was making every effort in the world to be nice to him. But then again he wasn’t being the least bit snarky and that was something.

When they finally reached the Three Broomsticks Alice spent several minutes outside fussing over her skirt and the dust that had gotten on her shoes. After that she walked around and peered anxiously into each window, hoping to see if Frank had already arrived. Severus was vaguely amused at the level of Alice’s anxiety and at the same time this was hardly how he had imagined spending the day. In an effort to speed things along he had ultimately volunteered to go in the pub and see if Frank was there. Lily had vetoed the idea though and eventually managed to push Alice through the door and into the crowed interior.

“Sev, will you go get the drinks while Alice and I look for Frank or at least an empty table?”

“Yes.” he agreed before pushing his way through the throng to the bar. Thrusting several galleons down on the counter he ordered three butterbeers. When they were shoved at him he quickly grabbed them and jostled his way through the pack of Hogwarts students, looking for Lily and Alice. Finally spotting Lily’s red hair against the darkness of the wood panelling on the wall he headed over to a table by the window.

“How did you get a table here?” he asked putting the beers down on the table.

“Oh, Gwendolyn and Benjamin just vacated it to go snog at Madame Puttifoot’s.”

Alice nervously grabbed one of the bottles and began peeling the label from it. Lily looked at her and smiled sympathetically. Apparently deciding it would be a rather lost cause to try and speak to Alice before Frank arrived she turned to the boy sitting next to her and said “Guess what mum sent me today.”

“About a million more biscuits. Honestly I’m running out of room for them all.”

“No, it’s not biscuits and somehow I don’t think these will last long enough for you to store them anywhere.” Lily smiled as she pulled two boxes from her pockets.

“Smarties!”

Lily laughed as Severus eagerly took the packages from her, opened them and dumped the contents onto the table.

“What are Smarties?” Alice asked curiously.

“They’re a muggle sweet.”

“Oh.”

“They’re very good actually. A hard sugar coating over chocolate.”

“That doesn’t sound bad.” Alice watched for another moment and then looked inquiringly at Lily again “What is he doing?”

Lily looked at the two piles Severus was swiftly sorting. “Sev hates the orange ones so he gives them to me.”

“Why? What’s so different about the orange ones?” asked Alice.

“They taste funny.” Severus answered without looking up.

“They’re orange flavoured chocolate.”

“That’s what I said, they taste funny.”

Lily laughed again and then pushed one orange and one red Smartie to Alice. “Here, try them.”

Alice hesitantly picked up the red one and ate it. Shrugging she then picked up the orange one and popped it into her mouth. “These are great!”

“I know, they’re my favourite too. So I guess it’s lucky for me my best friend can’t stand them.”

“Hmm.” Severus muttered as he dumped the now sorted Smarties back into their cylindrical packages. “Here” he said handing one back to her.

For a moment they sat in silence while Alice looked around the room for Frank. “What if he doesn’t come?”

“He’ll come.” soothed Lily.

“But what if –?”

“He’ll be here.”

Severus wanted to laugh; did Nesbitt really not know Longbottom had fancied her for years? It wasn’t as if the head boy was particularly subtle about it.

“Sev, why don’t you ask Alice your Venomous Tentacula question?” Lily prodded in the hopes that talking about her favourite subject would distract Alice until Frank arrived.

“I’d be happy to help if I can. Lily said you were having some trouble in Herbology.”

Severus looked at Lily, a little upset she had shared his failing with others.

“No, I said Sev said he was having trouble. I don’t personally think an E is anything to scoff at, but then I’m not Severus.” Interjected Lily.  “Of course, I wouldn’t like him half so well as I do if he wasn’t such a perfectionist.” she added with a smile.

“Come on, Lily, I’m not that bad.”

“Oh please, Sev, you’re practically a walking, talking textbook! Personally, I think it’s good you got an E, now I know you aren’t perfect at everything, and it gives the rest of us room to shine a little.”

Alice watched Severus tracing circles on the tabletop. She wasn’t able to tell if he was angry with Lily or not, but just in case perhaps she should steer the conversation in its original direction. “I’m assuming your question involves the one on O.W.L.S about steps on keeping a Tentacula alive.”

“Yes, I know that’s one of the questions I missed.”

“Well, the main trick is in the watering. You have to stick to a schedule, once every two months, on the same day, at the same time. Any more and it will get lethargic and not grow, less and it will become snappy. Also, it helps to add a drop of belladonna to the water, though they didn’t deduct points for leaving that out on the exam.”

Lily watched Severus’ eyes race over the table and knew he was looking for something to write the information he’s just been given down with. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a quill in sight.

“I have noticed,” Alice continued, “you seem slightly stressed around the plants. They sense that you know, so perhaps it would help if you relaxed a little. You also have a tendency to over water.”

“I always give them what the book says.”

“The tricky thing with plants is they’re living things so there are variances. You have to know your plants and what they want.”

Severus was about to ask Alice how you knew this when Frank Longbottom appeared. “Hi, Alice. Snape. Lily, how are you?”

“Fine, thanks.” replied Lily “We thought we would keep Alice company while she was waiting.”

“Sorry I’m late. Head Boy thing to take care of.” he said sliding into the seat next to Alice.

“I hope it wasn’t too difficult.” said Alice, blushing slightly as Frank turned to smile at her.

“No, but then I got stopped by James who wanted to talk about the quidditch team. I’m starting to wish McGonagall had made someone else captain. Not that James isn’t doing a good job but apparently he doesn’t stop to consider the fact some of us might have things to do outside of quidditch, like classes and homework.”

“What did he want today?”

“He was trying to get all of us to skive off coming to the village and have a practice instead. Why he waited until this morning to say anything I don’t know. Of course, it wouldn’t have mattered to me since I already had plans.” Frank flashed another smile at Alice, who squirmed a little.

Lily grinned. This date was clearly going to go well, because Frank was looking at Alice like every dream he had ever had had just come true,  and Alice was nervous in a way that only a girl who truly fancied the bloke sitting next to her could be. Lily figured she and Severus would stay a few minutes more for appearances sake and then be off.

“So, what were you all talking about?” Frank asked, though he didn’t remove his eyes from the blond sitting next to him.

“I was giving Severus some Herbology pointers. And I was rather hoping he might return the favour by giving me one on Potions.”

“What did you have a question about?” Severus inquired.

“Well my Polyjuice was – thin, I think is the word I’m looking for.”

“You either used too much [boomslang](http://www.hp-lexicon.org/bestiary/bestiary_b.html%20/%20boomslang) skin or you didn’t let it steep long enough. It’s hard to know without being able to see. But both can be fixed if you add the tiniest pinch of bicorn horn, letting it steep for three minutes and then adding in two counter clockwise stirs.”

Lily saw the looks of awe the two other Gryffindors were giving him.

“I could write it down if you’d like.” Severus offered uncertainly.

“That would be wonderful and I could write down the Tentacula instructions for you, though I’m not sure it will come up again on N.E.W.T.s.”

“I wouldn’t count on that.” groaned Frank “It seems like everything from the past seven years is going to be on N.E.W.T.s.”

Severus looked anxiously at Lily. “I told you we should have started studying for our exams already.”

“Sev, we still have a year and a half, don’t fret so much.”

“I don’t know, Lily, it might be a good idea to get a head start,” intoned Frank seriously.

Lily wanted to kick Frank under the table. Now Severus would probably want to rush back to the castle and start colour coding their notes and by the end of the weekend he would have a study schedule drawn up. So much for having fun today. 

“On that note, I think I had better take Sev away before he gets so agitated he doesn’t sleep for the rest of the year,” with a laugh Lily rose from her seat, “We’ll see you two later.”

“Goodbye, Lily. Snape.” Frank nodded, clearly keen to have Alice to himself.

“Bye, have fun you two” added Alice with a smile.

Severus rose from his place at the table and preceded Lily out of the door. Once outside he took a deep breath and turned to face the girl behind him. Instantly a huge smile broke out across her face and squealing she launched herself into his arms. “I’m so proud of you! You behaved brilliantly in there.”

Severus was a little chagrined at such a public display of affection but a hug from Lily was a hug from Lily so he wrapped his arms around her and hugged back. “I’m glad you approve.”

“I do!” She held him a little closer, resting her head on his shoulder.

Severus’ happiness was complete when, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Potter stalking by. Unable to stop himself, Severus grinned, as he never had before at school, causing Sabrina Tattington to do a double take. “So, what would you like to do?” he asked, all his previous plans forgotten.

Lily broke the embrace, though she was still grinning up at him “I don’t suppose that we really need to go to Honeydukes.”

“No, I think I have enough sweets to last me awhile.”

“You have enough sweets? I didn’t think that was possible.”

“Clearly it is. Do you mind if we go to Scrivenshaft’s? Just for a minute, I promise.”

“I knew you were going to go crazy the minute Frank said we should start studying now.”

“I’m not going to go crazy. I am going to make up a very sensible study schedule so we can pass our N.E.W.T.s and get decent jobs.”

“What makes you think I’m going to stick to this schedule of yours Severus To– ”

Severus instantly clamped a hand across her mouth. “I thought we agreed you were never, ever going to call me that.”

Lily pulled his hand away and laughed, starting down the street, oblivious to the stares they were getting “Actually, I never agreed to that.”

Severus hurried after her, shooting a couple of people quick glares. “Yes, you did. I stated quite clearly that if I told you what my middle name was you weren’t ever to use it and you agreed.”

“No, you said it and then told me what your middle name was without waiting for me to agree. So I can call you whatever I want, Severus Tobias Snape.”

Severus groaned and glanced around, luckily it didn’t appear anyone was close enough to have heard what Lily had called him. She continued on, “and, if you didn’t want me to use your middle name why did you tell me what it was?”

The conversation ended abruptly as they walked into the shop. Lily watched as Severus picked out multiple jars of coloured ink and an armful of parchment.

“You must be kidding.”

“What?” He asked, headed to the front of the store.

“Are you planning on rewriting _all_ your notes from the past five years?”

“No. What gave you that impression?” Lily looked pointedly at the load of supplies in his arms. Severus followed her glance and then hurriedly replied, “oh, no. I promised Cris I would get him more parchment, he was almost out.”

“Thank God, I was terrified there for a minute.”

The clerk rang up the purchases while Severus took several coins from his pocket counting them out carefully. Lily wondered if that was all the money he had.

“Here” she said impulsively, plunking several coins down on the counter and putting Severus’ Galleons back in his hand. “Let me help pay for Cris’ things since he’s half my friend.” She could tell he was reluctant to accept and most likely willing to argue the point “Don’t make me use the T word again.”

He frowned but put the money back in his pocket and took the two bags from the counter. Once outside Lily took the bag containing the parchment from him and walked down the lane in the direction of the Shrieking Shack. Lily could see Severus fumbling in his pocket and knew he was seconds away from giving her his remaining funds. Lily had no intention of taking her best friend’s money so she searched for a topic that would divert him. “Why _did_ you tell me your parents called you Severus Tobias if you didn’t want me to use your full name?”

Severus laughed and pulled his hand from his pocket. “You _are_ joking, right?”

“No.”

“Lily, you pestered me for years to tell you. ‘Severus what’s your middle name? What could possibly go with Severus? Sev why won’t you tell me? Aren’t we friends Sev? Please Sev, I’ll tell you mine. Sev, Sev, Sev.’ I figured it was either tell you or go quietly insane. Besides, you kept asking me in that cajoling voice. It’s very hard to tell you no when you use that voice.”

“Really?” she asked, her interest piqued.

“Yes.”

“I’ll remember that the next time I want a favour from you.”

Severus didn’t want to tell Lily, but she didn’t need the voice to get anything out of him. At the slightest word he would happily do close to anything she asked. It didn’t matter how stupid it was or how little he wanted to do it, even if the favour was he live in a cardboard box and eat grubs, if that’s what she wanted, that was what he would do. But Merlin the voice was so adorable he couldn’t help being difficult every now and again just to hear it.

Having reached the Shrieking Shack, Lily put her bag on the ground and looked at the crumbling edifice before her. “Any ideas yet?”

“Nothing definite,” he returned as he placed the second bag down and put his hand back in his pocket. Lily braced herself to push his money back at him, but much to her relief Severus pulled out his box of Smarties. He popped a couple into his mouth before continuing “I have been asking around though. It seems no one can recall it being particularly bad until several years ago, about the time we started school actually. Mr. Windever at Scrivenshaft’s did tell me no one has lived there for as far back as he can remember. I meant to ask my mum but I forgot.”

“Do you think your mum would know anything about it?”

“Probably not. But I thought she might have heard something about the people who used to live there.”

“Do you think they’re the ones haunting it?”

“Maybe.” Severus replied evasively. The truth was he had known since third year the Shack was where Lupin went to transform every month. It was one of the few secrets he had kept from Lily. This was mainly because Lupin had always been a touchy subject with her. He knew Lily and Lupin were friends and therefore Lily would defend him with all her might if anyone implied there was anything at all off about her housemate. Besides, Lupin had been almost decent to him recently so Severus was loath to stir up any trouble. Still Severus didn’t think a werewolf should be running through the castle unchecked, what if something went wrong and he bit someone? What if he bit Lily? Not that Severus would love Lily one iota less if she were a werewolf but he’d prefer it if she wasn’t. He was still wrapped up in his thoughts when he suddenly felt something hit him in the side of the face.

“Are you paying attention to me, Sev?” Lily asked.

“Of course. Why are you chucking Smarties at me?”

“Because you _weren’t_ paying attention. I asked you a question and you just stood there with that glazed look in your eyes.”

“That’s no reason to waste perfectly good sweets. And I was thinking.”

“You’re always thinking. Do you know what I think? I think you think too much and too long and too hard.”

“Don’t think I can stop. What did you ask me?”

“Never mind, it wasn’t important.”

“Come on, ask me again, I promise I’ll listen this time.”

“No, you’ve missed the boat. It has sailed without you.”

“Lily. Come on, Lily,” Severus wheedled.

“I don’t think you do that as well as I do.”

“Almost certainly not. But you’ll tell me anyway won’t you?”

“No. You’ll just have to wonder forever what I said to you.”

“You know I do have my own secret weapon.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes. As it so happens, I know for a fact my best friend is very ticklish.” Severus began slowly advancing towards Lily.

“Don’t – You – Dare!” Lily laughed, steadily backing away and lobbing a Smartie at him.

“Hey, no Smartie throwing!”

“Then keep away!” Giggled Lily. The words were hardly out of her mouth when he launched himself across the space between them and grabbed her round the waist. “Sev!” she shrieked.

Severus was surprised at his own daring. Though he had threatened it several times in the past few years he hadn’t actually tickled Lily once since they had come to school. Unable to stop the momentum he had created, Severus crashed to the ground, pulling Lily down with him.

“Tell me,” he demanded, his hand finding the spot behind her knee where he knew she was most sensitive.

“Stop! Stop it! Sev!” Lily was laughing so hard tears were running from her eyes. “I don’t remember. I swear.”

“Let go of her.” growled a voice from behind Severus.

Instantly Severus’ hand stopped moving. Lily grabbed him arm and pulled herself up until she was able to peer at the speaker from over his shoulder. “What do you want, Potter?”

Severus was tried to grab his wand from his pocket but it was caught up in his jumper. _Perfect_.

“I would like Snape to get up and move away from you so I can hex him properly for attacking you.”

“Sev is not attacking me!” Lily declared, pushing Severus to one side, and causing her friend to land in a heap next to her.

“Funny because it sounded to me like you were yelling for him to stop.” James Potter now had his wand fixed unwaveringly on Severus.

“It was a game, he was only messing around.” Lily’s voice softened a fraction “Honestly James, Sev would never hurt me, but thank you for coming to check.”

Behind James she could see Pettigrew looking gleefully at the scene unfolding in front of him. Black was suspiciously eyeing Severus, who had finally managed to untangle his wand. Remus also seemed a little doubtful though Lily couldn’t be sure if this was because he didn’t believe her or because he was worried about what direction this confrontation was going to end up going.

“And how do I know that he hasn’t done anything to you? Imperiused you or something?” Queried James

“Because, you toerag, I’m telling you he didn’t!” Seeing that Potter hadn’t moved in the least Lily gave an exasperated huff and turned to Severus “Come on, Sev, let’s go!”

Lily rose to her feet and held out a hand to her friend. Severus took it and hefted himself to his feet, though his dark eyes never wavered from the little band in front of them. Without another word, Lily swooped the bags up and started down the pathway. Severus twisted around, his wand still trained on the group disappearing behind them.

“Severus, put your wand away.”

“What if they come after us?”

“They won’t.”

“I’d rather not risk it.”

“Please, Sev, don’t spoil the day.”

He looked at her intensely and nodded his head, stowing his wand back in his pocket. “You can let go of my hand now.”

“Do you promise not to go charging back up the hill?”

“Yes.”

Lily reluctantly released his hand. Reaching across her, Severus took the bags out of her grasp. “You know by tonight it will be all over Hogwarts that I attacked you.”

“No, it won’t.” Severus looked at her doubtfully. “Don’t worry I’ll take care of it. Come on, let me treat you to a drink since I’m the one who got you into so much trouble.”

“You didn’t…”

“No, but I’d like to buy you a drink anyway – Look.” Lily stopped and pointed at the scene in the window they were passing. Inside Severus could see Alice and Frank snogging for all they were worth.

“Well, at least someone’s having a good time.” he said with a little half smile.

Lily beamed up at him “They’re not the only ones.”

“Good. So Three Broomsticks then?”

“Lead the way great tickler of doom.”

Severus couldn’t help but grin at that “And don’t you forget it.”

With a laugh they headed off to the pub.

Later that night, Lily sat listening to Alice rapturously tell the assembled girls about how magnificent Frank Longbottom was and what a wonderfully perfect day she had had. Lily couldn’t help but think hers hadn’t missed the mark by much. She had even managed to impress upon James Potter that if he knew what was good for him he would keep his mouth shut about what he had mistakenly thought he had seen earlier that day. At first he had scoffed until Lily had made it perfectly clear if she heard so much as a whisper about Severus attacking her she would happily turn Potter over to Severus and tell the Slytherin to do his worst. That had apparently made quite an impression because James’ eyes had become as large as saucers and he had swiftly promised to keep quiet.

The girls all settled into their beds at the conclusion of Alice’s tale. For several minutes the only sounds in the room was the rustling of sheets and comforters. Then out of the darkness Lily heard Alice whisper sleepily, “thank you for helping me, Lily.”

“You’re welcome.”

“That was the best Hogsmeade trip I ever had.” Alice murmured as she rolled over.

“Me too,” whispered Lily smiling to herself, “me too.”

 


	15. A Walk In The Snow

Much as Lily had predicted Severus caught up with her the following Monday right after breakfast and thrust a piece of parchment in her hand. When she opened it Lily found it contained the promised study schedule. Unable to stop herself, Lily had laughed out loud, causing the retreating form to turn. Lily shook her head at him in mock annoyance, he answered with a small shrug and the barest hint of a smile.

“What’s so funny?” asked Alice curiously.

“Sev’s drawn up a study schedule for N.E.W.T.s.”

“Already? Doesn’t he think his class schedule might change between now and next year?”

“Oh, he fully intends to start this year. Actually, from the looks of it he plans to start today,” Lily sighed. “Remind me to tell Frank off the next time I see him.”

“Why are you going to tell me off?” asked Frank as he joined the two girls. “I thought I would walk you to class since this is one of my free periods,” he explained to Alice with a smile.

Alice beamed as he took the satchel from her hand. Lily was amused by how quickly the two of them had fallen into blissful coupledom. “Because you told Sev it wouldn’t be a bad idea to start studying for N.E.W.T.s this year and he took you at your word.”

“I was joking.”

“You can’t joke with Sev about studying!”

“What can you joke with him about?” questioned Alice.

“Anything but schoolwork and football. You know Sev does have a sense of humour. It maybe a little wry and sarcastic but it’s there.”

“I guess it’s hard to think of him that way. He’s always so serious. I don’t think I’ve seen him smile once,” declared Frank.

“I did!” exclaimed Alice victoriously.

“When?”

“On Saturday. Actually it was kind of cute. Lily gave him some candies, Smarties right?”

“Right.”

“And he just lit up. Who knew Severus had such a great smile?”

“He does doesn’t he?” stated Sabrina as she and Mary McDonald joined the group.

“When did you see it?” Lily was becoming amazed at the number of people who were proclaiming they had seen Severus smile.

“Outside of the Three Broomsticks on Saturday. I wasn’t even sure it was him initially.”

“Well it seems like Snape was in a excellent mood in Hogsmeade. To bad it took him so long to loose the surliness, otherwise he would have been the Slytherin prefect for certain.”

“Sev could have been prefect?”

“Missed it by the tiniest bit. I think Slughorn was worried he might be too brusque for the job,” confirmed Frank.

“Don’t tell him,” pleaded Lily.

“I wouldn’t do that. It would just be cruel. Well you four have fun in class.”

“Oh yes, a riot,” drawled Mary.

Frank gave her a dry smile and pulled Alice off to the side, giving her a quick kiss and telling her he would see her at lunch.

Sabrina broke off and headed towards the Ravenclaw side of the room. Lily hurried after Mary and put her bag on the floor next to her friend. “They’re cute aren’t they, Alice and Frank?” asked Lily.

“Yes, Alice seems happy. I’m glad _she’s_ made a sensible choice.”

“I thought she was going to hang onto the Sirius Black dream for forever. Frank is definitely the right choice for her. You should have seen them on Saturday.”

“I did briefly. I also saw you hanging onto Snape for dear life.”

“I was not hanging on Sev. I was giving him a hug, friends do that you know.”

“Do you even care you’re breaking James’ heart?”

“I have never given James Potter the slightest encouragement!”

“Shh, everyone is looking at the two of you,” said Alice sitting down on the other side of Lily.

“I was just pointing out to Lily that dating Severus Snape is perhaps not the wisest idea and there are better men around.”

“I am not dating Sev! He is my best friend and has been since long before I came to this school! And just because – ”

“Miss Evans, I would like to begin class,” said Professor Flitwick.

“I’m sorry sir.” Lily said contritely before shooting a disdainful look at Mary and starting to copy down the notes the professor was writing on the board.

After class Lily left the room swiftly so she would not have to walk with Mary and the Marauders.

“Lily wait!” called Alice. Lily paused and waited for her friend to catch up. “What is going on with you and Mary this year?”

“Why don’t you ask her?”

“I did. All I got was some garbled story about something Mulciber did to her last year.”

“Yes and somehow she blames Sev for it! And she’s constantly trying to shove Potter down my throat! Which I don’t understand since she clearly fancies him.”

“She does.”

“Then what is she doing?”

“She wants him to be happy I think and if you make him happy then she wants him to have you.”

“That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard! And even if it were true what does that have to do with Sev and I?”

“Lily! It’s clear to everyone that Severus is crazy about you. And you two went to Hogsmeade together.”

“As friends Alice. It wasn’t a date. I told you that ages ago. I keep telling everyone that.”

“The thing is Lily there’s something different about the two of you this year. You just seem so close and people are starting to wonder, especially given what happened at the end of last year. And it’s not as if you’ve explained to any of us why you forgave him.”

Lily knew Alice was right, but it was all so complicated. “How badly do you need to go to Herbology?”

“I think I would be okay if I skived off of one lesson.”

Nodding Lily started walking in the opposite direction, Alice keeping pace next to her. “I wish I could explain it all but I can’t.”

“I don’t want you to break any confidences the two of you have.”

Lily slowed and looked out onto the lake in front of her. “I’ll tell you what I can. The fact is Alice, I had done something to Sev and he called me – what he called me because he was angry and hurt. I’m not saying it was right but what I did wasn’t either.”

“What did you do?” asked Alice, clearly puzzled.

Lily was fairly certain that whatever she told Alice today would be told to Mary and therefore Potter so she was going to have to do a little fancy footwork. “I laughed at him Alice, laughed at my best friend while he was being bullied.”

“Oh, that isn’t good.”

“No. That’s what he told me that night in the corridor. When I got home and thought about it I knew I had to apologize. I did and Sev promised not to use the word ever again so I forgave him.”

“There has to be more to it than that.”

“What do you mean?”

“You two, have been practically inseparable this term. You weren’t even like that when you first got here.”

“I know. I can’t explain it Alice, something’s happened between us. It’s as if – as if we never completely trusted each other before and now we do. And he’s talking to me, about his hopes and dreams, his fears, his – everything. He let me see him cry Alice. That means the world to me, that Sev would let me see him so vulnerable.”

“That’s good Lily, really. He should have someone he trusts that way; someone who doesn’t seem poised to become a Death Eater. Just – maybe it wouldn’t hurt to keep your guard up, just a little, until you’re one hundred percent certain.”

“I am sure! What is it everyone wants me to do? Stop speaking to him? I know you were all thrilled by what happened by the lake last year. Lily finally free of the greasy Slytherin!”

“Don’t put words in my mouth, Lily. I never said that, nor would I. If he’s your friend then you should talk to him. But the fact is _you_ ’re our friend and he isn’t. Nobody in the house wants to see you hurt, including Mary. And there’s no escaping the fact Severus has been in with a horrid group for a long while now.”

“I told you that’s changing.”

“You did and he was nicer than I thought he’d be on Saturday.” Alice took a deep breath before continuing on, “Lily if it’s true he’s turning over a new leaf, and it does seem like that’s what’s happening, then it will most likely take a while for that to sink in for everyone. People might need some time to see he’s going to stick with it and not go back to being so – surly I think is the word I want.”

“He is going to stick with it Alice. I wish I could tell you how I know that but I won’t break my word to him.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to. You just – stand by him, Lily. You fight for your best friend and – and I’ll help if I can.”

“Really?” Lily felt the tears pooling in her eyes.

“Really. At the very least I’ll talk to Mary and tell her to mind her own business. If you want I can even ask Frank to tell James there’s no hope there.”

“No.”

Alice raised her eyebrow questioningly.

“He would think it was all Sev’s fault and cause more problems for him. I’ll just hope James figures it out someday.”

“You might be fighting a lost battle there.”

“Why can’t he just go out with Mary and leave me in peace?”

“Because you’re more of a challenge.”

“Men are stupid.”

“So are we sometimes.”

“Well at least you grew out of it.”

Alice beamed. “So maybe there’s hope for everyone. Come on let’s go to lunch.”

“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather go to Herbology?”

Alice looked at her watch. “No, we’ve already missed half of class, we might as well miss the rest.”

The two girls walked silently back towards the entrance and the Great Hall. “Lily.”

“Yes, Alice.”

“I’m sure everything will work out just as it’s meant to, in the end.”

“I hope so.”

The two girls sat down at the table and were engrossed in their meals when Lily heard several people whispering around her. She tried to ignore it until she heard the word Snape. She was about to tell the two third years where they could stick it when she heard a tell-tale voice behind her say, “hello, Lily.”

“Hi, Sev.”

“Here are the notes I promised you, Nes – Alice. If these don’t help let me know and I’ll try to figure out what else you might have done.”

“Thank you, Severus,” said Alice reaching for the sheaf of parchment in his hand. “Here, I have the Tentacula instructions for you.” Alice dug in her bag and drew out a wrinkle piece of parchment. “I also wrote down a few general pointers for you.”

“Thank you, I appreciate it.” He took the item from her hand and glanced down at it.

“Snape can I shift past you?” asked Frank coming up behind him.

“I was just going.”

“You don’t have to go on my account,” Frank assured him.

“No, it’s fine.”

“Stay and have lunch with us Sev.” Severus’ eyes widened at Lily’s request.

Lily wasn’t sure what had prompted her to ask him to do such a thing. From the looks of it Frank was also a little puzzled.

“Yes, stay,” chimed in Alice.

Severus looked around hesitantly. “I should go. I wouldn’t want to be a bother.”

“It’s no bother,” Alice declared. “I think my rescuer should be able to eat with us.”

“What are you talking about?” asked Frank.

Quickly Alice explained about the incident in the corridor at the beginning of the month while Severus looked nervously around the hall. Frank’s eyes grew larger and larger with each passing moment and by the end of the story he was looking at Severus as if he had never seen the boy before. Frank stood and held out a hand to Severus. “I owe you one Snape. The least I can do is eat lunch with you.”

“I – If you’re sure.”

“Sev, stop being silly and sit down.”

“All right,” he stated before swinging a leg over the bench and dropping his bag on the floor.

Lily could hear the noise level in the Hall increase and wondered if this was the first time a Slytherin had ever eaten at the Gryffindor table.

“I think we might have started something,” whispered Alice with a giggle.

Lily smiled at her best friend and asked, “how does it feel to be a rebel?”

“A little awkward actually,” returned Severus, steadfastly looking at the plate in front of him to avoid having eye contact with the rest of the table.

“Don’t worry, I can keep Gryffindor in line.” Lily instantly knew why Dumbledore had made Frank head boy. “By the way, Lily told us you might have taken what I said about N.E.W.T.s on Saturday a little too seriously. I was just joking when I said you should start studying now.”

Severus looked up from the plate, a wicked glint in his eyes. “I know.”

“But you gave me a study schedule!” protested Lily.

A mischievous smile curved his lips slightly upward. “It was a joke, Lily.”

“But you never – Sev, you don’t – okay, who are you and where is my best friend?” She demanded, while Alice stifled a giggle in her hand and Frank looked as if the world had suddenly been turned upside down.

“Sitting right next to you.”

“ _My_ best friend would never joke about school.”

Severus shrugged before continuing on, “I thought you would think it was funny. Besides, I knew you would be expecting it and I would hate to disappoint you.”

Lily laughed and shook her head. “What am I going to do with you?”

“I think you should keep doing whatever it is you have been, because it seems to be working beautifully,” stated Alice, with an acquiescent nod from Frank.

“I haven’t done anything, this is all Sev.”

The other two nodded approvingly before turning their attention to each other and their lunch. Once Lily was sure they weren’t looking she grasped Severus’ hand under the table. He turned his head to look at her, clearly puzzled by the tears in her eyes.

“Lily?”

“I’m so proud of you, Severus Snape.”

She saw his own eyes begin to glisten and gave his hand another encouraging squeeze before pulling the study schedule from her satchel and asking him when he had intended them to sleep.

On Friday night, Lily stood in the entrance hall waiting for Severus to appear so they could go to a meeting of the Slug Club. She knew it wasn’t Severus’ favourite thing in the world, in fact, he frequently said it was up there with having all his hair ripped out for sheer entertainment value. But Lily thought anything that got him out of his common room was well worth the effort it took to get him to go. And tonight she had a plan.

Usually when she could drag Severus to one of these things he spent the entire time skulking in the corner, never uttering a word, though he rolled his eyes with annoying frequency. That was all going to change tonight. If she had to attach him to her side he was going to sit in the middle of the room and speak. Heaven knew he was a storehouse of knowledge and could intelligently discuss any subject under the sun, so really there was no reason for him to hide away. And things had gone so well both of the times he had been around Alice and Frank Lily was in no longer in any mood to listen to his protestations about how wretched he was with people. Five minutes later he finally appeared, trudging up the stairs from the dungeons and looking for all the world like he was going to his own funeral. Lily beamed at him and taking his arm, drug him up the staircase to Slughorn’s sitting room. Once there, she coaxed him into sitting in the chair next to her. Sadly Frank wasn’t there because he had had to take a patrol when one of the Ravenclaw prefects became ill and Alice wasn’t a member of the Club.

Nor would Severus have been if Lily hadn’t browbeaten Slughorn into it. At the end of second year Lily had been so frustrated by Slughorn’s overlooking of Severus’ tremendous talent she had point blank refused to come to anymore meetings if her best friend wasn’t invited. The very next day Severus had received an invitation. At first he had seemed happy about it, maybe because it was something he had James Potter didn’t, but after one meeting he had declared they were so inane he was never going again. And he hadn’t, until Lily mentioned, in passing, halfway through third year James and Sirius were now attending Slughorn’s little gatherings. After that, if James was at a meeting Severus was there. Though Potter spent so much time in detention he rarely made it to more than two or three get-togethers a year. So last year Severus’ involvement had once again petered out to practically nothing.

This year Lily was determined to refuse to let him skive off a single one. Severus tried to think of an excuse that would get him out of tonight, one Lily would find acceptable. But he had failed to come up with anything, so here he was, again. Forced to listen to Slughorn go on about all the influential people he knew. If that weren’t bad enough nobody ever discussed anything intellectual at these things. It always seemed to be about name-dropping and brown nosing. Normally he could sit in a corner and wait for someone to say something stupid so he could be amused for half a second before sinking back into his usual torpor.  But tonight Lily had pleaded him to sit next to her and damned if she didn’t use that cajoling voice of hers. So he gave in and tried not to look as uncomfortable as he felt, he hated Slughorn’s stupid cushy chairs, you could never sit up on them properly. He fixed his eye on one of the multitude of pictures gracing the room and began to go over his Herbology notes mentally, knowing Lily would be happy if he stayed for an hour, at the end of which he could make his escape. At least that was his plan.

As it turned out, his plan differed dramatically from Lily’s. Her plan seemed to involve trying to force him to speak to every single person in the room. Most of who had as much interest in talking to him as he had in communicating with a flobberworm. Still the moment anyone said something in their general vicinity she would step on his foot or poke him in the side until he responded in some way shape or form. So two hours later he was still sitting there, getting poked, prodded and stepped on. With each moment he was becoming more and more frustrated and his temper was shortening by the second. Maybe there _was_ a limit of what he would do for Lily. Though why risking his life to break his ties with his housemates was acceptable and sitting in a room making idiotic small talk with schoolmates wasn’t he couldn’t figure out. Severus was trying his hardest but he just wasn’t the typical Slug Club member, he wasn’t rich, well connected, or popular. Why he had ever been asked to join he didn’t know. The only time he ever really wanted to come was when Potter was here so he could keep his eye on the prat and make sure Lily stayed as far away from the git as possible. Otherwise it was pointless and he hated it, if Lily wanted to sit around and blather a night away then that was her decision, nobody here was a risk to him.

It didn’t take Lily long to figure out Severus was unhappy and while he did a good job hiding it from everyone else he couldn’t hide it from her. She just didn’t understand why he wouldn’t make more of an effort. He had done so well this summer with May and Cris and then this last week with Alice and Frank what was the difference now? It was exasperating. Lily knew Severus could be personable when he wanted to be. She half wondered if he was waiting for other people to be nice to him so he could follow suite, the problem was he had been so sullen for so long she knew he would have to be the one to make the first move. Something he appeared to be unwilling to do. After two hours of urging him subtly to make an effort Lily gave in and wished him a good night. She half expected to see him run from the room and was relieved when he casually strolled out.

Later that night Lily laid in bed trying to figure out a way to get Severus to open up more. To get him to break out of his shell and be the person she knew was lurking in there. For the life of her she just couldn’t figure out why he was being so difficult about all of this. Sighing she rolled over in bed, who knew trying to get Severus to change would be so exhausting.

When Lily woke the next morning the light was streaming in the window with a suspicious gleam. Quickly she scrambled out of bed and ran to look out the window. Sure enough the grounds were coated with a lustrous blanket of snow. Lily swiftly grabbed a pair of jeans and a jumper from her trunk. She dressed as rapidly as she could; once she was bundled up she headed down to the Great Hall and grabbed a large pile of buttered toast from the table. Then she rushed out into the entrance hall and sat down on the steps leading up from the dungeons. It didn’t take long for Severus to appear at the foot of them, pulling on a pair of black gloves.

“What kept you?” she asked as he bounded up the stairs to meet her.

“Couldn’t find my scarf. Are you ready?”

“Yes, I got us some toast.”

“And I brought some biscuits.”

“Sev, we can’t have biscuits for breakfast.”

“Says who?”

“Oh, never mind. Let’s go before it gets all tracked up.”

The two swiftly headed towards the door and let themselves out. Not surprisingly, there was no one else out on the grounds. Lily watched as Severus took in a deep breath of crisp, clean air, his favourite, he always said.

“Which way this year?” she asked.

“Towards the forest?”

“Alright.”

The two turned and walked towards the dark expanse of trees. Once they were well out of sight of the door they slowed to a stroll and Lily unwrapped the toast and handed a piece to Severus. He took it, ripping pieces off slowly and popping them into his mouth. By the time they reached the forest both the toast and biscuits were gone. Lily turned and looked back at the castle, and gave a great sigh.

“What’s wrong?” inquired Severus.

“I was just thinking if we hadn’t made up we wouldn’t be doing this right now.”

Severus leaned back against a tree and looked at the girl standing slightly in front of him. “I’d have come anyway.”

“Me too,” she admitted.

“Truly?”

“Truly, though it wouldn’t have been the same without you.”

“Do you think if you’d seen me, you’d have –?”

“I don’t know. I do know I would have missed you. So maybe – I don’t want to talk about that, Sev. I don’t want to be sad, not today.”

“Then how about you forget I brought it up and I will enjoy the fact that you didn’t drag a dozen people along with you.”

“Why would I do that? This is our tradition, it has nothing to do with anyone else.”

“It just seems like we’re never alone anymore. Every time I try to be, you end in bringing half your house along.”

“I’m sorry Sev, I was only trying to help.”

“How so?”

“I was trying to get you to get more friends, like we talked about,” Lily replied coming to join him against the tree.

“Is that what has been going on? I was starting to wonder if you were afraid to be alone with me.”

“Don’t be silly. I could never be afraid of you. I just – I want everyone to see what I see. To see how amazing my best friend is. But you need to open up more if that’s going to happen.”

“Lily, I am trying and I’m being as open as I can be. I just can’t – I’m not – I don’t know…” Severus heaved a sigh before continuing, “Lil, don’t ask me the world from me and I won’t ask it of you.”

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing. Just – nothing.” Severus couldn’t tell Lily about the letter he had received yesterday and the request it contained. He would have to deal with that by himself.

He pushed away from the tree and began walking down the edge line of trees, towards the lake. Lily could tell Severus was concerned about something. Maybe she had been pushing him too hard, trying to change him too much. She followed after him, not speaking until she was once again walking next to him.

“I’m sorry Sev, I guess I was trying to make you into someone you’re not. Please forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive. I know you have my best interests at heart. I’m just not the type of person who had loads of friends. I never have been and never will be. Too difficult, I guess.”

“No, that’s not true at all.” Lily was starting to suspect the real problem was Severus didn’t trust very many people. And maybe Eileen and Tobias had scarred him so much emotionally he never would. That worried her, because once Severus had cut his ties with his housemates he would only have her and the occasional letter from Cris and May. Would that be enough or was she condemning him to a life of loneliness? God she hoped not, because she couldn’t stand it if he were unhappy because of her.

As if he were reading her mind Severus interjected. “Lil, if it makes you feel better it helped a little bit. Okay? I do have two more friends than I did at this time last year and two friends in one year is really good for me. I don’t mind some of the people I’m tutoring and Longbottom and Nesbitt seem all right. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m going to be best friends with any of them, but I don’t go out of my way to avoid them, which is more than I can say for the majority of people around here.”

“I know, and I’m glad you’re friends with May and Cris but that’s not so helpful to you here, is it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well they’re not here are they?”

“No, but it’s nice to get a letter every now and then. To know there are a few people out there who care about me. I don’t need to see them every day as long as I know that.”

“Really?”

“Really. Lily, I’ve always tried to tell you I don’t need other people around me all the time. Truthfully, I find most people to be so tedious that I prefer to be on my own. Besides I’m not good at playing all those games.”

“What games?”

“Oh you know. Pretending to like people you don’t or listening to a bunch of mindless chatter that bores you stupid.”

“So that means you’re always interested in everything I talk to you about?”

“No, not always. But you’re my best friend so it’s different. And I know you’re not interested in everything I am so it all evens out in the end.”

“Why can’t you be that way with everyone?”

“I’m not sure. I just can’t.”

“Sev, I worry about you.”

“Why?” he asked anxiously.

“Because no one should have to go through life without friends.”

“Last time I checked I had a few. Or have you changed your mind?”

“Of course not. I will always be your best friend, promise. But what happens when I’m not around?” asked Lily.

She watched as his brow furrowed perplexedly “Are you planning on leaving?”

“No, but what about after school? I’ll have a job, you’ll have a job, and we could end in living in completely different areas of the country. What happens to you then? Are you just going to be alone all the time?”

The creases on his forehead deepened. “I honestly haven’t thought about it. I suppose – well, we’ll just burn that bridge when we get to it. Until then I promise I’m fine. And I truly don’t think you’re trying to make me into something I’m not. I know you want me to be with everyone else the way I am with you, but Lil it took a long time for me to be completely comfortable around you.”

Lily sighed because she knew it was the truth. It was time for her to admit to herself that Severus was who he was and people were going to have to like him or not based on that. “Okay, I promise no more trying to get you to do anything you don’t want to.”

“Don’t give up on me all together. You’ve made me do loads of things I wouldn’t have on my own. And – well – truth be told, I have actually ended up liking most of them.”

“Really?” she beamed.

“Really.” he smiled back “If it weren’t for you I would have never gone to a movie or eaten a Smartie. Nor read some of the books that are now my favourites or been friends with Cris and then where would I get my football updates from? Or countless other things I have enjoyed.”

“That works both ways you know, because you make me see the world differently too.”

“Do I?” he inquired, clearly mystified.

“Yes, especially these last few months. I think before I always saw the world in black and white, good and evil. But you’ve made me see there are a multitude of greys in between. Because of you I know sometimes good people do bad things for good reasons and vice versa. The world is much more complicated then I had ever realized.”

“I’m sorry you had to find that out.” he said guiltily.

“Don’t be. It was a lesson I was bound to learn sooner or later and I’d rather you teach it to me than anyone else. You have also taught me not to trust everything you read, the instructions can be wrong.”

They both smiled and Lily knew each of them was thinking of the slime covered potion room. “Most importantly, I have found that sometimes the strongest person you know is the quietest.”

“Lily I’m not…”

“Yes, you are. You have real strength, Sev and the most astonishing thing is you’re never showy about it. You just go determinedly along with life, no matter what it throws at you. That amazes me. I think if some of the things that have happened to you happened to me I would go around telling everyone how awful my life was. How wretchedly unfair it was that I was – not so well taken care of. But you never do that.”

“It doesn’t mean I don’t think those things Lily.”

“But you never ask for pity, nor do you accept it when it’s given. And that is – awe inspiring.”

“I don’t want people’s pity. I want – respect. I hate it when people look at me and think what a poor, neglected child. I’d rather they think I’m smart or talented or anything else but that. I’ve always wanted to be more than the wretched little kid from the wrong side of the river, the welder’s son, who can’t even afford decent clothes. I don’t want people to look at me and only see what a disaster my parents made of their lives, of my life. I suppose it has made me overly sensitive to people’s comments about me. I just can’t understand why everyone gets so fixated on appearances, brooms, money, all of those superficial things. Why can’t we appreciate people for their abilities?”

“Have a meritocracy?”

“Exactly! Truthfully that’s why I like Cris and May so much. At first, when I found out how rich they were it made me uncomfortable to be around them. They had everything and I – well.” Severus gave a disdainful sniff. “I kept waiting for them to look down on me; to make some sort of remark about my lack of material possessions. Then this summer I figured out they don’t care about that. They just want people to love and respect them, not for their money or possessions, but for them. That’s something we have in common.” Severus stopped, realizing he had just told Lily more than he had ever meant to.

Lily took his hand and smiled at him. “I wish you had told me this ages ago. I have never cared for one moment how much money you do or don’t have. Nor do I care if you own acres of things or nothing. And I definitely don’t care what your parents do, they’re not you and I wouldn’t dream of judging you based on how they’ve lived their lives. I only care about you, Severus Snape, my best friend.”

 “That’s rarer than you think Lily. Just look at your own sister, she decided she hated me based on some ill-fitting clothes and a neighbourhood.”

Lily could hardly argue with that. Still, this seemed to be the perfect moment to ask a question that had been nagging her for eight years. “Didn’t you dislike her for being a muggle?”

She was surprised when he chuckled softly. “You complete misunderstood. I didn’t dislike Petunia because she was a muggle I disliked her because of how she treated me. Because she assumed I wasn’t worthwhile just because we were a working class family.” For a moment he stared out across the field towards the castle. “I did make that branch hit her on purpose, that day at the Spot, before we came to school. I was so angry she was picking on me for that shirt. Merlin, how I hated that thing! But it was all I had at the time, and people were constantly teasing me about it. I guess I just finally lost my temper. I know I should apologize but…”

“She would never accept. She hates you for finding that letter from Dumbledore. She’ll never forgive you for finding out she was jealous. That she wanted to be like us.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose. I swear.” he responded fervently.

“I know, I was there when you found it. Remember? You wouldn’t have even been in Tuney’s room if I hadn’t taken you in there. I should have told her, taken the blame myself.”

Severus shook his head “No Lily, it was my idea to read the letter. You would have left it.”

Lily knew it was finally time to admit the truth to him. “I would have looked no matter what. After all, I was just as curious as you were. I should have had the courage to tell her that. Instead I threw you into the lion’s den. I’m sorry Sev, I would put it right if I could.”

“It doesn’t matter, Lily. Even if you had admitted it, Petunia and I still wouldn’t be friends. We’re too different; we have less than nothing in common. To her, I will always be from the wrong side of town, not worth the effort it would take to try and be my friend. And I, well I…”

“Can’t forgive her for thinking of you that way.”

“I suppose. Do you forgive me?”

“For the branch?” she watched as he nodded. “Sev, I forgave you so long ago it’s practically ridiculous.”

“Good.”

“Just don’t let it happen again,” she said with a smile.

“I won’t,” he responded.

They continued to walk along the tree line in silence, their hands still clasped. Severus wasn’t sure why Lily had taken his hand or why she was still continuing to hold onto it. But her hand felt so perfect in his he had no inclination to let it go. He wished they could stay like this, just him and Lily, alone, without any pesky people to bother them forever. He couldn’t help but think this was like a scene from one of Lily’s beloved movies. The air was still, the grounds so quiet you could practically hear the snow that was gently falling land on the ground. It was so tempting to finally tell her how he felt, that he loved her with all his heart and soul. If only he knew how she felt then he would do it. Next to him he heard Lily give a sigh.

He was about to ask her what was wrong when she smiled up at him and said. “Do you know, after my parents you’re my favourite person in the world.”

Severus could feel his heart stop; the only thing that would have been better was if Lily had told him she was in love with him. Turning slowly he looked deeply into her eyes. “And you’re my favourite person in the world.”

Lily stared back at him wondering what would come next and if she would be ready for it. But instead of the expected kiss or protestations of undying love all Severus did was stare into her eyes. What he was looking for Lily couldn’t be sure. She just knew she felt as though he was looking into her very soul and she couldn’t bear it if he found out some of the things she had thought this week, about James, about him.

Desperate to distract him she asked, “really? I had thought someone else would have that honour.”

Instantly the atmosphere changed. “Who?”

“Your Gram. But if you like me more than her, I won’t complain.”

“You two are in completely separate categories.”

“How so?”

“Well for one thing she’s passed away hasn’t she?”

“Doesn’t matter. My Dad is still…” Lily started, her eyes tearing up.

“Lily, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make you think of Daniel.”

“Never mind. So, do you like me more than your Gram?”

“Let’s not push it shall we?” he answered with a laugh.

Lily smiled up at him, glad they were back to normal after whatever the previous moment had been. “Tell me something about her.”

“I’ve told you tons already.”

“No you haven’t!”

Severus was ready to protest he had told Lily more about his Gram then he had ever told another person in his life. But she had a look of steely determination in her eyes and he knew she would question him until he had spilled everything. “What do you want to know?”

“What was her name?”

“Elizabeth. Elizabeth Regina McClafferty Snape.”

“That’s a mouthful.”

“Hmm,” he murmured, shifting her hand so their fingers were entwined.

“What did she look like?”

Severus paused and looked at Lily for a moment before reaching his free hand into his jacket and pulling out a brown leather pouch. Dropping her hand he opened the weathered object and pulled out a small rectangle. He looked at it reverently for a moment before handing it to the girl next to him. “Please be careful, I only have the one.”

Lily looked down at a picture of a girl with dark curly hair. “Is this her, your gram?”

“Yes, it was taken the summer before she and my grandfather got married.”

“She’s beautiful.”

“She is, isn’t she?” He returned wistfully.

“You have her smile.”

“Do I?”

“Yes, her smile precisely. And her dark hair.”

“No, it only looks that way because of the picture. She had red hair, like you.”

“What colour were her eyes?”

“Brown, almost black. And she always smelled of vanilla. She never went anywhere without a hat and gloves, even the market.” Severus laughed. “She told me once she had had to go to London during the War and there was an air raid and she actually stopped to grab them before going down to the bomb shelter.”

“That sounds like one of my dad’s stories.”

“It does.”

“What happened to your Grandfather Snape, Sev?”

“He died. Shot down over Germany towards the end of the War. That’s why she was in London; she was looking for information about him. After he died she found out they were terribly in debt. She had to sell the house, all their things; some had been in the family for generations. Then she got a job to support my father and her but I think she had a hard time making ends meet. You see she insisted on paying back every penny they owed.”

“So your father hasn’t always been…” Lily trailed off, not wanting to say the word to him.

“Lily, we’re poor, you can say it. No, he hasn’t. And he was such a good footballer I think he thought he would be able to get back to the way things were before.”

“Why did he stop playing then?”

“I don’t really know. I guess he must have got injured or something.”

“Oh.” Lily took one last look at the smiling girl in her bias cut dress before handing it back to Severus.

He took it from her and gently inserted it back into the envelope. He was careful not to let Lily see the only other item the pouch contained, a picture of the two of them. Lily took his hand back in hers, sensing he was now slightly melancholy and would never ask to be comforted. “So, that’s who I remind you of. I have to say I’m flattered, because I am nowhere near as beautiful as your Gram was.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I don’t have that smile. That is what made her so beautiful.”

Severus stopped “You said I have her smile.”

“You do. Sev, I told you, you’re very handsome when you smile. We all agree.”

“Who’s all?”

“Me, May, Alice, Sabrina.” Severus looked bewildered. Lily couldn’t help but laugh, sometimes Severus could be thicker than concrete. “Come on, let’s go inside. It’s cold out here.”

He nodded his head in agreement, still looking dazed. When they arrived at the door he reached out and pulled it open for her. She could feel him starting to reluctantly let go of her hand. Wanting the moment to last a little longer Lily clasped on tighter. Severus turned and looked at her questioningly. “Thank you for coming up with such a lovely tradition for us.”

With a smile he returned, “Thank you for agreeing to it.”

Lily saw him hesitate for a moment and then, surprisingly he enfolded her in his arms. Lily leaned into Severus, resting her head on his chest. Looking back Lily was never sure if they had stood that way for hours or if it was only seconds. All she could do was revel in the fact that for the very first time Severus had initiated a hug so she was going to let him hold on as long as he wanted. When he finally took a step back she reached up and lightly kissed his cheek.

“I’ll see you later. Thank you again.”

“You’re welcome.”

Lily gave him one last smile and walked through the doors. When Severus thought she had gone far enough and wouldn’t hear him, he whispered softly, “I love you, Lily.”

He wasn’t sure if it was wishful thinking on his part or if the acoustics in the entrance hall were just that good, but for the rest of his life he would swear he heard Lily whisper back, “I love you too, Sev.”

 


	16. The Request

Lily spent the next several weeks thinking over everything that had happened during the walk in the first snowfall. She knew Severus had shared a lot with her, told her things he had probably kept bottled up for years. The fact that he had shown her his beloved gram’s picture, something he clearly cherished, made Lily want to squeal with delight. Best of all, after almost eight years of friendship he had finally hugged her, the memory of that hug sent waves of happiness through Lily whenever she thought about it. And she thought about it more than she should, at the most unexpected moments she would feel his arms around her, his hand in hers. She couldn’t help but think that she and Severus fitted together perfectly. There was something easy and natural about it, not like when she hugged other boys, with them there was inevitably the awkward moment of where heads and hands went. But with Severus, her head fit perfectly under his and his arms always wrapped gently, but firmly around her back, neither too high nor too low.

What this constant replay of the moment meant Lily wasn’t sure. Just as she wasn’t sure what made her respond to Severus’ I love you. Lily tried not to dwell too long on whether it was an I love you as a best friend or an I love you as a woman. All she knew was her best friend had said the words, words she had long wanted to hear. And if Severus didn’t know she had heard or that she had responded in kind then that was alright for now. They could fix it in time.

Right now, Lily had other things to worry about, such as the fact there was clearly something bothering Severus. At first, she had thought it was her efforts to get him to socialize more but she had stopped and instead of seeming less tense Severus appeared to be growing ever more anxious. The closer they got to the next Hogsmeade weekend the more fretful he became. Lily was surprised he hadn’t asked her to go to the village, she wondered if this was because he didn’t want to go with her or because he just assumed they would go together, either way she was annoyed. Sick of waiting for Severus to ask her to go to the village and even more sick of James pestering her to go with him every other hour, Lily sat down in the hall outside of the Arithmancy classroom one stormy day and waited. She was determined to finally ask Severus exactly what was going on. By the time the dark haired boy had exited the room, last as always, Lily was shivering uncontrollably.

“Sev – Sev,” she stuttered, her teeth chattering with cold.

“Lily! What are you doing here? You look frozen.”

“I am a little cold.”

“Here, come in here,” Severus’ eyes were filled with anxiety as he pulled her into the Arithmancy room. He dropped his bag on a table, then took hers from her shoulder, simultaneously dumping it on the floor and taking her into his arms. “You’re like ice,” he said rubbing his hands up and down the length of her back.

Lily felt him shutter a little as she rested her hands against his back. “I didn’t think it was so cold down this corridor or I would have brought my gloves and scarf.”

“Even your cloak would have been a little helpful. What were you doing?” He murmured against the top of her head.

“Waiting for you.”

“You couldn’t have done that somewhere warmer?”

“You didn’t come to lunch.”

“I was helping Clive Tilford with his potions work.”

“Who?”

“A Hufflepuff third year I tutor.”

“Oh.”

“Now, what was so important you had to freeze in the corridor waiting for me?” He asked, trying to pull slightly away to look at her face.

Lily only grabbed him tighter, grateful for the heat seeping off of him. Even with the warmth from Severus’ body she couldn’t stop shivering, indeed it only seemed to be getting worse. The boy let go of her and Lily wondered if he was going to insist on going for a professor. Then she felt a drape of fabric pull across her back. Soon they were both nestled in the warm cocoon of Severus’ cloak. Lily shifted until she was now so close to him surely there was no feasible way for them to be any closer.

“Lil, is something wrong?”

“No, I don’t know, maybe - yes.”

“What? Tell me and I’ll fix it.”

“Jame – Potter, he won’t leave me alone about going to Hogsmeade with him.” Lily felt the arms that were holding her tighten slightly.

“I take it you don’t want to go with him.”

“Do I ever?”

“No, not that I know of, but things change,” whispered Severus.

“That hasn’t.”

“Then tell him you don’t want to go.”

“I did, but he still keeps asking me. I’m sick of it.”

“I could have a talk with him if you’d like.”

Severus felt Lily chuckle against his chest and was instantly relived. Clearly she was starting to warm up. “Sev, we both know you would do more jinxing than talking.”

“I wouldn’t...” he started to protest.

“Don’t bother to deny it. But there is something you can do for me.”

“Name it.”

“Come with me yourself.”

It was a long moment before he said anything “Lil, you know I’d be happy to go with you, but I have something I have to do.”

“What?”

“I’ve already told somebody I’d meet them in the village.”

“A girl?”

“Of course not!” He exclaimed as though the idea was preposterous.

“Then who, Avery and Mulciber?”

“No, someone else. A friend, someone who doesn’t go to Hogwarts.”

Lily wondered why Severus was being so cagey about who he was meeting, but she supposed if it wasn’t one of his old cohorts he should be fine. “Are you going to be all day with this mystery friend?”

“No.”

“Then meet me afterward?”

“You’re sure you wouldn’t rather make plans with Alice or Tattington or MacDonald?”

“Please, Sabrina has a date, Alice is going with Frank and Mary and I – well we aren’t talking much these days. Besides I’d rather go with you. Can you walk to the village with me and then go meet your friend? Then after you’re done with them, we could meet up somewhere.”

“I can do that.”

“Good – maybe it’s better this way. It gives me a chance to buy your Christmas present.”

“I wish you wouldn’t buy me anything.”

“Why not?”

“Because you already bought me a new cauldron and the book, that’s enough for one year.”

“Those don’t count, besides best friends are meant… Do you know I’m tired of having this argument with you every year.”

“We don’t argue, Lily.”

“Then what do you call this?”

“A difference of opinion, maybe a disagreement, but this is definitely not an argument. We don’t have arguments,” he stated again emphatically.

Lily was about to protest when she remembered all the times he had told her his parents had had an argument. Clearly the word meant different things to each of them.

“Ah hem,” the clearing of a throat cut through the silence, “Mr. Snape, Miss Evans, perhaps you would prefer to find another place to carry on with your spooning since I have a class to teach.”

The two friends jumped apart as though scalded. “Professor Vector, we weren’t – Lily was cold. I was just trying to – warm her up,” stuttered Severus.

“I’m sure, Mr. Snape. However that sort of thing isn’t allowed here. Twenty points from both Slytherin and Gryffindor and don’t let me catch you at it again.”

“Yes, professor.”

“We are sorry, professor.” Lily added as Severus picked up their bags. He hastily pulled her from the room, past several entering students.

“That was humiliating!” He exclaimed once they were well down the hall.

Lily gave a little giggle.

“What’s so funny?”

“You know, with the way rumours work in this place by dinner everyone will be saying we were shagging our brains out on Professor Vector’s desk.”

“Lily, that isn’t funny.”

“Yes, it is. Especially since we were actually in the midst of a – what was it? Oh yes, a discussion, at the time. Come on, you have to be at least a little bit amused by the irony of that.” Lily laughed, “and on the bright side, if Potter thinks I’m shagging you maybe he’ll leave me alone. You really do know how to fix everything, don’t you?” She gave him a quick kiss on his cheek before hurrying off down the hall.

Severus made sure Lily had a good head start before walking back to his dorm, completely forgetting to go to Herbology. Once there he threw himself on his bed and pulled the hangings. He couldn’t decide if what had just happened was some sort of great cosmic joke or not. Now everyone would think he had shagged Lily and Merlin help him he hadn’t even worked up the courage to kiss her yet. He tried to rid his mind of the image she had implanted in it but that combined with the feeling of her pressed so close to him he could feel every inch of her was frustrating in the extreme. With a groan he rolled over on the bed, grateful he would have the room to himself for the next hour or so.

Severus didn’t sleep much that week. He was so keyed up about his meeting on Saturday he couldn’t seem to keep his mind from constantly racing. When he did finally manage to drop from sheer exhaustion he was plagued by dreams of him and Lily being caught by professors just as he was about to kiss her or tell her he loved her, once he even dreamt they were seconds away from making love when Potter burst through the door and hexed him into oblivion. To make matters worse, everywhere he went Lily was there, watching him, her beautiful green eyes filled with worry and confusion. He really wanted to tell her what was happening. But Severus had no idea what was actually going to take place on Saturday and he knew if he told Lily who he was meeting she would insist on coming to the Hog’s Head with him and he couldn’t allow that.

Saturday morning he rose from bed and promptly went to shower. He stood under the pounding water for ages, his fingers and toes going pruney. He wished this was like the last Hogsmeade weekend. Then he had merely been nervous, worried Lily mightn’t have a good time or would hate his plans. Now he was fairly close to terrified.  Ever since the letter had arrived three weeks ago Severus had been mulling over what could possibly be so secret that it couldn’t be written down or so important the writer had insisted on meeting in Hogsmeade today. No matter how he tried to work it out in his mind the end result was always less than good. Sighing, Severus turned off the water and stepped from the shower. He felt slightly light-headed and didn’t know if that was because of nerves or because he hadn’t been able to eat much of anything the last two days.

After dressing he trudged up to the entrance hall. There, halfway up the stairs, was Lily, laughing back over her shoulder at Alice. All he could think was how beautiful she was and how he wanted to hold that image of her in his brain forever. He crossed the room to meet her; anxious to spend every moment he could with her. This time there were no whispers about his hair, he had taken to using Cris’ fancy product more often than not, in large part because he was now as inundated with the small bottles as he was with Violet’s biscuits. He wondered what Lily would say if she was given the contents of his bedside cabinet at the end of the day. Would that be his life, some old books, two cherished photos and a ton of shampoo and biscuits? He questioned if he should tell her about the hiding spot under his bed back in Spinner’s End but he doubted his parents would let her into the house to collect anything so he rejected the idea.

“Sev!” Lily exclaimed as she bounced down the rest of the steps. When she reached him the smile slid from her face, replaced by a look of worry. “Are you alright? You look exhausted.”

“I didn’t sleep so well last night.”

“Are you sure you want to go? We can stay here if you want.”

“No, it’s fine. I want to go, really.”

“Sev.” From the tone of her voice he knew she wanted them to stay behind, almost as much he wanted it himself.

“Come on, Lily. The sooner I meet my friend the sooner we can spend the rest of the day together.” In an attempt to lighten the mood he added, “I’ll even go Christmas shopping with you.”

Apparently Lily wasn’t fooled because she looked at him pleadingly as they joined the queue. “Sev, please tell me what’s wrong.”

“Tonight, I promise.”

“Why can’t you tell me now?”

“Because – I need a little time – to think it over.”

“You’ve been brooding about whatever this is for weeks now. Has something gone wrong with the plan?”

Severus wanted to tell her no, but he’d somehow lost the ability to lie to her, “I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Then let’s not go to the village. We’ll stay here and think up a new one.”

“No, Lily. I don’t want to think about the plan today. I just want to go and meet my friend. Once that’s done I can enjoy spending the rest of the day with you. Okay?”

“Sev, who are you meeting?”

“I’ll tell you afterward.”

“Why won’t you tell me now?”

“Because it’s a secret.”

“I hate it when you keep things from me.”

“This isn’t my secret to share.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I know. I need you to trust me just a little longer. As soon as I can I swear I’ll tell you everything.”

She hesitated and he knew she didn’t want to agree, but she nodded her head, as they exited the castle. As they walked slowly down the track, Severus couldn’t stop thinking he should tell her he loved her, grab her and kiss her, take her back to the castle and make love to her, just in case this was the only chance he ever got. Of course, he did none of those things, wretched coward he was he couldn’t even reach out and hold her hand. He knew Lily could sense how terribly wrong things were because she didn’t utter a word during the whole walk. When they reached the door of the Three Broomsticks he turned to leave, not able to look at her and not tell her what he was off to do for another moment. But she grabbed his hand before he had taken more than a step.

“I’ll meet you right here in an hour.”

“All right.”

“One hour, Sev and not a minute more. If you’re not here I’m coming to look for you.”

He nodded in agreement. Then, as he had anticipated, she hugged him fiercely. For once he held on just as tightly, wondering if Lily knew she was his anchor in this crazy world. When she pulled back he caught a glimpse of the jumper under her coat.

“You wore green.”

Lily smiled wistfully at him, “I know green’s your favourite colour and I thought maybe it would cheer you up a little.”

Severus was deeply moved by the knowledge his happiness mattered so much to Lily she was willing to wearing her rival house’s colours. “It does.”

“Good, then I’m glad I wore it. Go now and I’ll see you soon.”

“Soon.” Severus echoed before turning and starting towards the track that lead to the edge of town. He couldn’t bring himself to look back even though he knew Lily was still standing there, watching him go.

Swallowing hard and taking a deep breath in, he erased all his thoughts and opened the door of the pub. The inside was dark and dusty, but Lucius Malfoy was a hard man to miss in any setting, most particularly this one, where his white blond hair seemed to glow against the darkness of the surrounding wood. Severus walked firmly across the floor. As ever, once he was in a situation he was able to deal with it, it was only the stress of the unknown that worried him.

“Lucius,” he said confidently with a nod of greeting when he reached the table.

“Severus,” the man smiled at him and half rose. “Please, sit.”

Severus sat down in the chair opposite his old friend and waited to hear why he had been summoned.

“Would you like a drink? I don’t advise it mind.” Lucius looked at his surroundings with utter contempt. “This place is such a hovel.”

“Then why meet here?”

“It’s out of the way and it seemed a better place to have a private discussion than the Three Broomsticks.”

“Yes, I see that.”

“I suppose you’re wondering why I asked you here today?”

“I confess to being curious, I’d have thought you’d be too busy planning your wedding to have the time to come and see an ex-schoolmate.”

“So you’ve heard then, about Narcissa and I?”

“Yes, congratulations. I’m sure she’ll make you a fine wife.”

“She is a Black and not bad to look at, so all in all I think it will be a good match. At least I managed to escape her crazy sister,” Lucius laughed lightly. “As for wedding plans I leave all that up to her. But I didn’t come here today to speak to you about my impending marriage. Tell me, Severus when do you come of age?”

“January 9th.”

“I thought your birthday was at the beginning of January, though I couldn’t remember the date exactly when the Dark Lord asked me.” Lucius paused and glanced around the room. Severus sensed his friend was allowing him a moment to be impressed by the fact that the Dark Lord knew who he was. “As you know, the Death Eaters are a powerful group, one anyone would be privileged to join. And you must know that I, personally, have always felt you would be an asset to our ranks.”

“Yes.”

“Since you come of age so soon the Dark Lord would like to extend you an invitation, he would like you to become a member of his hand-picked elite.”

This request was exactly what Severus had been afraid of. He felt the fear growing in him, but squashed it back into a box in his mind, unsure how skilled a legilimens Lucius was. “What about school? I had planned on trying to become head boy next year, as you know. And my mother would be highly disappointed if I didn’t finish, as would I.”

 “The Dark Lord does approve of your plan to become head boy and felt you might say something along those lines. He also appreciates the advantages of having an intelligent, well-educated follower. He is therefore willing to wait for you to take the mark until after you have finished at Hogwarts, but know he will expect you to do so at that time.”

Severus nodded, relief was pouring over him in waves. He didn’t have to say no to the proposition; he wasn’t going to die today.  As an added bonus he had just been told he had a whole year and a half to figure out a way out of this mess. He wanted to laugh, to go find Lily and hug her, kiss her, tell her they had won a reprieve. That everything was going to be all right.

“In the meantime, there is something that you can do for the Dark Lord,” continued Lucius.

Severus’ joy died instantly. “What is that?”

“It has come to my attention that you and the Evans girl have become closer than ever this year.”

“I suppose.”

“Impressive, considering you called her mudblood at the end of last year. A term I believe she finds highly offensive. My sources also tell me she had vowed not to forgive you. And yet here you are, practically inseparable.”

“I – I talked her around, over the summer.”

“So Avery tells me.”

“You talk to Avery?”

“Did you think you were my only correspondent?”

“No,” Severus lied.

“Is what he tells me true? Are you and the Evans girl best friends?”

“Yes.”

“Most impressive indeed. And I take it your interested in her is still more than plutonic?”

Severus wasn’t sure where this was going, but it was to late to back out now. Especially since Lucius was the only person he had ever told he fancied Lily. “Yes.”

“Good, very good.” Lucius intoned thoughtfully.

Severus could feel his stomach writhing as though a million snakes had come to life in it. Why were the Death Eaters interested in Lily? Was she right, were they going to murder her before his very eyes or even worse to try to make him kill her ? This was worse than hell. He had to do something, anything to keep Lily safe. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell Lucius he would join the Death Eaters now if only the man would help him protect Lily.

Before he could make the offer Lucius proceeded, “she’s a powerful witch is she not?”

“Yes, very,” Severus affirmed hoping this piece of information would make it back to the Death Eaters and deter them from doing anything to her.

“Then the Dark Lord would like you to recruit her.”

Severus was taken aback. Had Lucius just asked him what he thought he had? “Recruit Lily? You mean ask her to become a Death Eater?”

“Yes, Severus. The Dark Lord desires to make Lily one of our number.”

“I don’t understand, Lily is a muggle-born.”

“Unfortunate I know, but since her talent is so – impressive, or so you’ve always told me, the Dark Lord feels she would be an asset to his cause.”

“What if she won’t join?”

“Then she’ll have to be dealt with,” Lucius replied coldly.

All of Severus’ earlier euphoria was gone, there was no doubt in his mind what Lucius was threatening. He also knew that there was no way Lily would ever join the Death Eaters. He was frantic, how did Voldemort even know about Lily? Severus wished he had never spoken to anyone at school. This was his fault, he had talked about her so much to Lucius the man must have told Voldemort. Severus wanted to yell at the person he had thought of as his mentor, how could Lucius do this to him? How had _he_ done this to Lily? Instead of protecting her he had placed her in danger. Severus tried to think of a way to take it all back, to tell Lucius he didn’t fancy Lily, that he never had, that she hadn’t forgiven him, anything to make them forget she even existed.

“Come now, Severus, you have a whole year and a half to convince her this is the right thing to do. Surely if you can talk her into forgiving you for calling her a mudblood then you can make her see the logic of joining the winning side.”

“Yes. Yes, of course I can.”

“Of course you can, and if you can’t well then – But we won’t think about that will we? Do this Severus and I will speak to the Dark Lord on your behalf.”

“On my behalf?”

“I will make certain you have what you need to support her. I will also see to it that neither she nor your mother come to any harm in the meantime.” Lucius flicked open his watch and looked at the time. “I’m afraid I have to go. I’m meeting Narcissa and her mother for tea. And I am sure the lovely Lily is waiting for you somewhere. You mustn’t keep her waiting or someone’s likely to steal her away from you.”

Severus watched as his former housemate exited the pub. For several minutes he sat there, unable to stop his legs from shaking enough to move. It had never occurred to him the Dark Lord knew anything about Lily, much less he might want her to become a Death Eater. A thousand crazy thoughts swam through his head, everything from trying to talk Lily into running away and hiding with him to picking a fight with her so she wouldn’t speak to him any longer. He rejected the last idea quickly, he couldn’t stand the idea of giving her up, besides he was fairly certain the Death Eaters would just try recruiting her in a different way. No, it was much better if he was there to try and protect her. And she clearly needed protecting, otherwise why would Lucius say that he would make sure Lily came to no harm? Severus instantly became frightened, what if Avery or Mulciber or Black were talking to her right now? What if they were hurting her or dragging her off to meet the Dark Lord? Was that what Lucius had meant when he had said that someone might steal Lily away?

Severus rose to his feet so quickly he knocked the chair over. Not bothering to pick it up he raced from the pub, never looking back, though he could hear the owner shouting after him. Heads turned as he ran through the village. He heard Frank Longbottom yell after him, asking what the matter was but Severus’ pace didn’t slacken until he reached the Three Broomsticks and Lily. Not bothering to pause he scooped her up in his arms and the momentum of his body carried them several feet down the street before he managed to stop.

“Sev –  Severus, what’s wrong?” The worry Lily felt was clear in her voice.

“You’re alright. You’re safe. Thank you Merlin, thank you.” Severus whispered fervently, he knew if they hadn’t been in such a public place he would be sobbing, his relief was so great.

“Sev, you’re scaring me!”

“I’m sorry, Lily. I didn’t mean to,” he said releasing her, still searching the street for any sign of his housemates.

Lily was terrified by the panic she saw in her best friend’s eyes, and the way he was looking around frantically didn’t help soothe her fears. “Come on, we’re going.”

“No, everything’s fine. I promised I’d help you shop and that’s what I’m going to do.” Severus stated, his heart still racing like mad in his chest.

“I’m finished. I want to leave. We can still spend the rest of the day together,” she ended cajolingly.

Severus nodded, his eyes still racing up and down the street. “All right, let’s go back to the castle then.”

Lily turned back to pick up the package she had dropped but Severus beat her to it. Then taking her hand firmly in his, he set off towards the castle at such a clip Lily practically had to run to keep up.

“Sev, please tell me what’s happened.”

“Once we’re back at Hogwarts.” He promised, still pulling her up the lane.

Lily stopped, yanked her hand away from him and stamped her foot on the ground. “Severus Tobias Snape, I’m not going one step further until you tell me what’s happened!”

“Lily, please, please trust me on this. I can’t tell you until I know we won’t be overheard.”

He looked so anxious Lily felt a flutter of fear in the pit of her stomach. “Sev has something…?”

“Please, Lily, please, I promise I’m going to tell you everything just as soon as I’m sure that we’re safe.” He held out his hand to her imploringly. “Please,” he pleaded softly.

Lily had no idea what had happened to Severus after he had disappeared down the road. What she did know was she had never seen him like this before, so scared, so completely out of control. Nodding she placed her hand back in his and watched as a great shutter wracked his body. Lily wanted desperately to know what had happened to make him this way. But Severus was once again drawing her up the road at such a clip that she could hardly breathe, let alone ask him any questions. He didn’t slow down in the least once they reached the castle, Severus continued to pull her along, passing the library and countless empty classrooms, all places where surely they could have talked in privacy.

“Where are we going?” She finally panted.

“The Owlery.”

“Why?”

“I need to send my mum an owl.” He responded, finally slowly down. “Can I borrow Archimedes?”

“Of course, but why do you need to send your mother an owl? Is she all right?”

“I hope so,” he muttered under his breath.

By now Lily knew Severus wouldn’t tell her anything until he was good and ready. So she climbed the stairs with him, unable to even smile when he discovered he had no ink or parchment with which to write a letter. For some reason this appeared to be his breaking point because he released her hand and shuffled off towards the corner of the room. Once there he disappeared behind a large pile of crates. Lily waited for a while, assuming he had writing supplies hidden back there but when he failed to appear after several minutes she made her way to the corner and peered around the boxes. There, in a space smaller then she would have ever dreamed he could fit into, was Severus. He was the very picture of dejection, arms circled around his drawn up knees, his head resting lightly on them, gazing out at nothing. Lily couldn’t help but think this was much worse than seeing him frightened.

She rounded the crates and sat down next to him before asking, “Sev, can you please tell me what happened?”

Slowly he turned his head, not responding until their eyes met. “I have to be the biggest idiot in the world.”

“If you’re an idiot I don’t know what that says about the rest of us,” said Lily with a gentle smile.

“Lily, please don’t tease me now. This isn’t a joke.”

“How am I supposed to know that when you won’t tell me what happened?”

Severus took a couple of deep breaths before proceeding. “Three weeks ago I got a letter from Lucius asking me to meet him in the Hog’s Head on the next Hogsmeade weekend.”

“What did he want?”

“He asked me – said the Dark Lord wants – ” Severus turned his head away, he couldn’t look at Lily when he told her what a failure their plan had been.

Severus heard Lily’s breath catch and when she spoke her voice was filled with the same fear that was threatening to overwhelm him. “What does You-Know-Who want from you?”

“He wants me to become a Death Eater when I come of age.”

“But that’s less then two months from now!” She exclaimed.

“I know. I told Lucius I wanted to finish school first and apparently the Dark Lord…”

Lily broke in, “I wish you wouldn’t call him that.”

“What difference does it make now?” Sputtered Severus turning back to face her again.

“It would make me feel better. Besides, that’s what his followers call him and you’re not going to be one of them. Are you?”

The last part was spoken so hesitantly Severus knew Lily was afraid his resolve to leave the group had faltered. He wordlessly reached over and took her hand from where it was resting on her knee, and began gently caressing the tips of her fingers, memorizing the curve of her nails, the freckle on her right index finger. She watched him intently, waiting to hear if he had lived up to her expectations.

When he finally spoke his voice was barely above a whisper. “No, apparently You-Know-Who thought I would say that and is prepared to wait until I have left Hogwarts.”

“Sev that’s good news! Now we have a whole year and a half to work on making you undesirable to them!”

“I know.”

“If you know then why aren’t you happier? What else did Malfoy say to you? Did he threaten your mum? Is that why you wanted to write her?” Severus continued playing with her hand, running his finger down the length of each one of hers. Then he turned her hand over and delicately traced every line on her palm, never uttering a single word. “It will be better once you tell me.”

“He asked me to do something –  something I can’t,” was the gruff reply.

“What was it?”

“He asked me to – You-Know-Who wants me to – wants – I can’t…” he dropped her hand and buried his head in his knees.

“If you tell me what You-Know-Who wants then maybe we can figure a way out of it together.” She watched as he shook his head violently against his knees. “Whatever it is, I know we can find a way out, but first you have to tell me.”

Faintly she heard him mumble something, but what it was was lost amidst the screeching of the owls overhead. “I’m sorry, Sev, I couldn’t hear what you said.” If Lily thought he would respond right away she was disappointed. Finally sick of how cold she was becoming and the reek of the room she pulled on his arm and snapped. “Severus, you’re being ridiculous now.”

That had the desired effect because he jerked his head up and bit out “You! All right! You-Know-Who wants you!”

“I don’t understand,” said Lily, genuinely confused.

“They want me to recruit you! To talk you into becoming a Death Eater!”

“But why? I’m a muggle-born.”

“I did point that out.”

“And?”

“And they don’t care. Apparently You-Know-Who feels your talents make up for what was described as your unfortunate blood status.”

“What did you say?”

The look he gave her was one of complete incredulousness. “What could I have said, Lily?”

“Tell Malfoy you won’t do it.”

“You still don’t understand, I can’t tell them no, it’s not allowed.”

“Then say I won’t join.”

“I didn’t know what he’d do if I said that, until I do it seems best to say nothing.”

Lily looked at him searchingly for a moment before demanding. “Now how about you tell me the truth.”

“I am!”

“Sev, you came running down the road like the hounds of hell were after you. You were clearly terrified. So truth. Now.” she insisted.

“The truth is – I thought – I was afraid they might come and take you to him.”

“To You-Know-Who?”

“Yes. And I know you. You would have…”

“Would have what?”

“I don’t know – been…” Severus sighed, unable to think of the word he wanted.

“Defiant,” she supplied.

“Yes, I suppose that is the word I want.”

“Do you really think I have so little sense?”

“No, but I knew you would never agree. Then who knows what he would have done to you.”

Lily was beginning to see why Severus had been so scared. What she didn’t expect was what he said next. “I’m sorry, Lily, this is all my fault.”

“And tell me how exactly did you work that one out?”

“If I had never talked about you, told people how powerful you are, or that we’re best friends. If I had kept my stupid mouth shut then this wouldn’t be happening. I wanted to keep you safe, Lily and all I’ve done is put you in more danger. It’s just – I was so proud – am still so proud to be your best friend that I wanted everyone to know.”

“Well, I’m not sorry you told people we’re friends because I am just as proud to be _your_ best friend. In fact, I have never been prouder of you then I am at this very second.”

“How can you say that after what I’ve done?”

“Because you didn’t give in, you stood your ground. That was an incredibly brave thing to do. And they were bound to figure out sooner or later I’m not a complete dunderhead.” Lily gave him a little nudge and half smile.

He tried to return the smile but the guilt in his eyes was so intense Lily found herself continuing, “ Sev, please don’t blame yourself for this. I can’t stand it if you do.’

“But it is my fault, Lily. I can’t escape that fact.”

“No, they took advantage of you. They played on your desire to belong, on your love for me. You are not like them, so stop lumping yourself into the bad person category. You’re not bad, nor wicked, nor cruel, you just got a little lost. Luckily you’ve figured that out and are working on finding your way back. And I’m here to help you. If something becomes too hard then you tell me and we’ll work it out, together, that’s what friends do. Now I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you don’t blame yourself for this.”

“Lily, I ca...” he began reluctantly.

“Say it!”

“I don’t blame myself for this.”

Lily knew he didn’t really believe what he had just said to her, but getting him to even say it was a small triumph. “Good, so what do we do now?”

“I don’t know. I hope he’ll forget about you when he decides he doesn’t want me.”

“Just for argument’s sake what if You-Know-Who doesn’t choose to rescind his invitation?”

“Then I think we would have no choice but to…” He stopped, hesitant to tell her all the plans he had made in case his attempts to get away from the Death Eaters failed.

“To?”

“Go into hiding.”

Lily was startled by the suggestion. She had never pegged Severus as the type of person to run away when things got rough, especially in light of what he had done today. Lily instinctively knew he had been expecting things to turn out worse than they had, though Merlin knew they were bad enough.

“I don’t know any other way to keep you safe.”

“I can’t just leave my family, Sev.”

“Then bring them.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do. If that’s what it takes for you to agree, then bring whomever you want.”

“So you’re saying you would live with Tuney?” She asked with a smile.

“Yes, if I had to.”

Lily was shocked by his reply “What about school?”

“We’ll have to leave,” stated Severus without hesitation.

For the first time, Lily got an inkling of just how dangerous a game they were playing. Her mind was reeling, as she tried to sort out the details of everything he had told her. Somehow she kept coming back to the same thought “You said You-Know-Who was going to give you until the end of school before he makes you join, right?”

“Yes.”

The relief she had felt when he first said those words came back to her. “Then we still have time. Tell Lucius you’re working on me.” He started to protest but she held up a hand to stop him. “You told me, so technically you’ve held up your end of the bargain.”

Severus didn’t want to point out the Dark Lord wasn’t going to be interested in technicalities. Since he was in no mood to row with Lily, he kept quiet and let her carry on. “If, by the time we graduate, the offer hasn’t been rescinded, if you still haven’t found a way out, then we’ll talk about hiding. Agreed?”

“Agreed.”

“Until then we’ll keep on with the plan we’ve got, though we might have to bump it up a notch or two.”

This time Severus made no protestations about how horrible he was with people. He just nodded his head determinedly.

“Good. Now let’s get out of here because it smells wretched.”

“I know, but no one bothers you here.”

The words were barely out of his mouth when a revelation hit Lily. “This is where you come when I can’t find you, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“See, sooner or later I get all your secrets out of you.” She laughed, rising from the floor.

“Yet I get none out of you.” Replied Severus, thinking of all the nights she had disappeared and not told him where to find her. Knowledge that suddenly seemed infinitely more important.

“I have no secrets from you, Sev, from other people yes, you no.” She held out her hand to help him up.

He took it gratefully. “I’m sorry for getting you into this mess, Lily. So very, very sorry.”

“Will you stop apologizing! This is not your fault. And I’d rather be in this, whatever with you than let You-Know-Who have you. So just you remember that –  Oh, Sev it’ll all work out in the end. I know it, deep down in my heart.”

“I hope so,” he whispered.

“It will be. You just have to believe it. Have a little faith, Sev.”

“You might need to have enough for both of us right now.”

“I can do that. Why don’t we go get you some food? I’ll bet you haven’t eaten a decent meal in three weeks.”

“Not really, but I don’t think I’m up to sitting in the Great Hall right now.”

“That’s good, because there wouldn’t be any food there anyway. But I’ll tell you what, you go get your potions book and I’ll go get us some food and we’ll meet in the potions room in a half hour, have ourselves a little fun.”

“How are you going to get us food?” He questioned.

Lily smiled at him mischievously “Remus showed me how to sneak into the kitchens. Oops I guess I do have a secret from you. Okay a half hour, and if you’re not there…”

“I know, you’ll come looking for me.”

“You bet I will. And I expect to see a smile when I get there mister.”

“Lily.”

“We can’t fix this today, Sev and really nothing’s changed since this morning.”

“Except that…”

Lily placed a finger over his lips “Nothing’s changed – nothing. You still want out and we still have a plan, and a backup plan and backup for our backup plan. Him wanting me changes nothing, less than nothing. So don’t worry about it, try to focus on the good things.”

“Such as?” Inquired Severus, genuinely unsure of what good things there were to focus on.

“Such as the fact that we have a time table now, that makes me feel better. You didn’t become a Death Eater today and that’s nothing to scoff at.”

“I suppose so.”

“Then smile for me. Please, you know how much I love your smile.” She wheedled, hoping her tone of voice would be enough to get the desired results.

It was and though the smile wasn’t as bright as usual it was enough for her. “Beautiful,” she beamed before rising up and kissing him on the cheek.

Severus watched her disappear down the stairs, his hand rising up to the corner of his mouth where he could still feel the pressure of her lips. No matter what Lily said he knew this whole situation was his fault, but he would keep her safe no matter what it took. No one was going to harm Lily, nor take her away from him, not as long as he had a single breath left in his body.

“I will fix this!” Above him Archimedes hooted, clearly unconvinced.

“I will! Somehow, someway, I promise!” He assured the bird before squaring his shoulders and marching from the room, certain that the bridge had been crossed and now there was no going back.

 


	17. The True Nature of Friendship

By Sunday night, Lily was feeling more relaxed, though it had taken all of Saturday night and most of today to become so. At this point she had mostly convinced herself that Severus had over-reacted to what Lucius had said to him in Hogsmeade. After all, they were still in school, safe under Dumbledore’s protection and the whole wizarding world knew You-Know-Who was afraid of Dumbledore, so worrying seemed silly and needless.

Lily did have to admit the news that You-Know-Who considered her worthy of recruitment had thrown her for a loop. It had always struck her as odd Severus could be considered Death Eater material, especially since the group and their leader seemed to advocate the whole pure-bloods are the best philosophy, but at least Severus was a half-blood, the last descendant of one of the wizarding world’s great families. She, on the other hand, she was a muggle-born with no magical blood for as far back as anyone in her family could trace. So, why the interest in her?

It also bothered her that despite her predictions, the Death Eaters apparently weren’t going to make Severus pick between her and them. How could she have been so wrong? Would Severus now start to question what she was asking him do? Would he at some point in the very near future point out to her You-Know-Who was willing to let him have it all, power, money, respect and his friendship with her? Would he start to think she was the narrow-minded, judgemental one? How she would answer those questions she didn’t know, but thankfully Severus had kept quiet on this particular issue. Though they had beaten every other available angle to death with a stick, not once had he even hinted he might change his mind and go back to his old crowd. For this Lily was beyond thankful, because she just couldn’t shake the feeling she was right, that ultimately the Death Eaters would betray him, whereas she never would. It was with this firm conviction in mind she went to bed Sunday night.

Lily awoke the next morning feeling as though she had been run over by the Hogwarts Express. With a pathetic moan she rolled over and burrowed further under the covers, unable to believe the dorm room was so cold or that her nose was so stuffed up.

“Lily, are you getting up today?” Alice asked.

“No, I don’t think so,” she sniffed.

Alice pulled back the covers and peered down at her anxiously, “you look bad.”                  

“If I look half as bad as I feel, then I must be a sight.”

“Do you want me to help you to the Hospital Wing?”

“No, I think I’ll just try spending the day in bed.”

“It really is too bad you’re allergic to Pepper-up.”

“I know. Listen, Alice, could you please tell Sev I won’t be down today? We were supposed to meet to go over some Charms work but I don’t think that’s going to happen now.”

“Of course, is there anything else you want? Toast or tea or something?”

“If you could cut off my nose I would be most grateful.”

“Not happening. But I’ll be back at lunch to check on you.”

“Thanks, Alice.”

“No problem, you just go back to sleep.”

With a weary nod Lily buried herself back under the covers and quickly fell back asleep.

Severus was sitting at the Slytherin table eating breakfast and to all outward appearance was completely engrossed in a book entitled _Numerology in Ancient Egypt_ ; in reality he was looking for Lily. Ever since Lucius had made his comment about Lily being stolen away Severus had been in a constant state of panic. If anything happened to Lily he knew he would die right alongside her.

He was determined from this point on he wouldn’t let her leave his sight, unless it was to go into the Gryffindor common room and he would just have to hope like crazy her housemates had enough intelligence to protect her. Otherwise he was going to watch her at every meal, walk her to every class and be glued to her side on the train ride home for the Christmas holidays. How he meant to do this and keep going to his own classes he hadn’t quite worked out yet. But it hardly mattered since it was only ten minutes before the start of the first class of the day and his best friend still hadn’t come to breakfast. Severus knew Lily wasn’t like him, she never skived off a meal because she was angry or upset or busy. No, Lily came to breakfast like clockwork every day, except today.

Severus looked down the table to where Mulciber and Avery sat talking to a very pretty fourth year. Nothing about them looked suspicious, but that hardly meant anything. While it was true they weren’t the two smartest things to ever fall from the applecart he didn’t put it past them to do anything and everything Lucius told them to, because, like him, they idolized the older man. At least Severus had woken up to what a threat Lucius was. Never again would he tell a secret to anyone outside of Lily. Knowledge was power and he had handed that power to someone else. He couldn’t believe after so many years of living with his parents he hadn’t figured out it was best to only trust those you loved and who loved you implicitly.

“Good morning, Severus,” Urania chirped as she sat down beside him.

Severus had never known you could bounce so much on a wooden seat, but apparently you could. “Morning,” he muttered before going back to his book.

“I was meaning to ask you, who…”

Thankfully Urania was cut off when Alice appeared. “Can I talk to you a minute Severus?”

“Of course,” intoned Severus, ignoring the exasperated look Urania was giving Alice.

“Lily wanted me to tell you she wouldn’t be able to meet you to do your Charms work today.”

“Why? Is there something wrong with her?”

“She’s feeling a little under the weather and you know she’s allergic…”

“To Pepper-up. Yes. Thank you for letting me know, Alice,” said Severus as he stood and stuffed his book into his bag and hurried from the room.

Alice shook her head and walked away from the table. You’d think Severus would at least ask exactly how bad Lily was feeling; instead he had rushed off without a care in the world. So much for being Lily’s best friend.

It seemed to Alice she at least spent most of the morning wondering how Lily was feeling and if she could possibly talk her into going to see Madame Pomfrey. Frankly, Alice wasn’t sure if this was necessary or not, since this was the first time she could remember Lily being sick since second year. Towards the end of lunch she gathered up a flask of soup and some bread to take up to her roommate, certain the girl had eaten nothing. She was half way up the stairs when she heard someone calling her name. Turning she saw Severus taking the stairs two at a time.

“Here, can you give this to Lily?” Requested Severus shoving a dark green flask into her hands. “Tell her I think I’ve worked the side effects out.”

“Severus, Lily is allergic…”

“It’s not Pepper-up. Also, tell her if she’s not feeling better by tonight she should go to the Hospital Wing. Alright?”

“Alright. I’m sure she’ll be fine, Severus.”

“You don’t know her like I do.” Severus turned and started back down the stairs. “Oh and Alice, tell her I said not to give you too hard a time.”

“Sure,” returned Alice though she didn’t know quite what the boy was talking about.

Alice was still puzzling over Severus’ statement when she walked into the dorm room ten minutes later. Much as she had suspected Lily was curled up in bed, her spread pulled up to her eyes.

“Lily,” Alice whispered, not wanting to wake the girl if she was asleep.

“I’m awake,” came a nasal voice.

“Here, I brought you some soup and Severus asked me to give this to you.” Alice handed over the two containers.

Lily looked briefly at the one containing the soup before setting it down on the bedside cabinet. She then unstoppered the green flask, gazing at it warily. Tentatively she raised it to her lips, only seconds later the green flask had joined the one on the table.

“Ugh that’s foul. What was he thinking?”

“What is it?” Questioned Alice.

“When Severus found out that I was allergic to Pepper-up he started trying to concoct something I could take. This is his latest attempt. But really, I think he’s widely missed the mark this time.”

Alice picked up the flask, pulled the stopper from it and took a deep breath in. She instantly regretted it. Quickly she clamped her hand over her mouth, fighting to keep down the bile that was rising in her throat.

Lily looked at her friend through watery eyes and said, “oh, just bin it and tell Sev it’s back to the drawing board.”

“I can do that,” Alice assured her as she shoved the stopper back into the bottle and threw it into Lily’s rubbish bin.

“Anything else?”

“Well, he said if you don’t feel better by tonight you should go to Madame Pomfrey and you’re not to give me too hard a time, though I’m not sure what he meant by that.”

“Me either.” stated Lily perplexedly. “Thanks for the soup, Alice. You should run or you’ll be late for class.”

Alice nodded and hurried away. By the end of class she was very tempted to ask Severus what he had meant, but the boy looked so distracted by the news that his potion had been an utter failure she didn’t have the heart to inquire. She wasn’t even sure she would have had time to, because the words barely had left her mouth when he had turned on his heel and headed towards the dungeons, muttering under his breath. So how Lily, who was the sweetest person Alice knew, could induce such a warning she couldn’t figure out.

Two hours later Alice knew exactly what Severus was talking about, because Lily had to be the most demanding patient in the history of the world. No matter what Alice got her she wanted something else, and then her tea was too hot and Mary breathed too loudly and Sabrina’s laugh was annoying. How Severus knew Lily was like this when she was sick Alice didn’t know, but if he had put up with this behaviour more than once he obviously had hither to unseen resources of patience. Alice was about at her wits end and was trying to figure out some way to get Remus Lupin up to the room to talk some sense into Lily when the girl rolled over, her eyes bloodshot, nose running like mad and whispered, “I want my Daddy.”

Alice’s eyes flooded with tears, it didn’t seem the right time to remind Lily her father was dead, instead she said, “Lily, I can’t get your dad.”

“Mum,” she choked out.

“You’re at school, Lily, your parents aren’t here.”

Desperately Lily grasped at her hand. “Please, Sev.”

“I can’t get him either.”

Lily whimpered softly, tears now leaking from her eyes. “Hurts,” she gasped.

“Lily, I’m going to go get help. You need to go to the Hospital Wing.”

Lily nodded her head and Alice felt relief flood through her. All day Lily had been resisting this idea and now that she had agreed all Alice had to do was figure out a way to get her there.

Alice smoothed the blankets over her and said, “I’m going to go get Professor McGonagall. I’ll be back in a minute.”

Frantically Lily clutched at her hand. “Don’t leave me.”

“Lily, I have to get help.”

“No, don’t go.”

“Lily, please,” whispered Alice desperately. She had no idea what she was going to do now. It was in the back of her mind to wait until Lily fell asleep and then go for help, but with the way the girl was writhing on the bed gasping for breath Alice didn’t think that was the best plan in the world.

“How is she doing?” Asked a soft voice from the doorway.

Alice turned to see Sabrina Tattington standing at the door and peering in cautiously.

“She needs to go to the Hospital Wing but she won’t let me leave to go get help.”

“Why don’t we just levitate her?” Sabrina suggested.

“Do think it’d be okay? I mean, since she’s so sick.”

“Well, we can’t get any of the blokes up here to carry her and she really does look much worse, so perhaps we shouldn’t take the time to go look for McGonagall.”

“As long as you think it will be safe.”

“Yes, I do. And no one will see since the common room’s almost empty.”

Alice nodded her head resolutely and picked up her wand. Together, the two girls managed to steer Lily down the staircase and across the common room, ignoring the stares of the few people gathered there. Alice had just opened the portrait hole and climb out when she heard a voice ask, “is she better?”

She jumped and turned to meet a pair of anxious black eyes. “No, she’s actually worse. We’re taking her to Madame Pomfrey.”

Alice gestured at the figure following her out of the hole. She was surprised when, in one swift movement, Severus leaned into the opening and took Lily in his arms. Her breathing instantly became easier.

“Sev,” whispered Lily.

“It’s alright, I’ve got you.”

“Hurts.”

“I know,” he stated as he started striding off in the direction of the hospital wing.

“Make it stop,” she gasped

“Shh, I’m taking you to the Hospital Wing.”

“Sick.”

“I know Lil, I know. You’ll be better soon, I promise.”

The two Gryffindors girls followed behind him at a trot. Alice could tell Sabrina was just as surprised as she was at the Slytherin boy’s gentle manner. Especially when Lily snapped a second later he was breathing on her and instead of a biting retort, he merely raised his head. This was soon followed by a remark about how hard he was jostling her. His only reaction was to murmur an apology and slow his pace a little. So it continued, the whole way to the Hospital Wing, by which time Alice was certain she would have pitched Lily out of a window instead of whispering words of comfort to her, as Severus was.

Once Lily was laid safely in a bed, Alice asked Sabrina to go tell Frank where she was, stating she would stay with Lily. Sabrina nodded, shot one last admiring look at Severus, and turned to leave. She was stopped briefly by Madame Pomfrey, who gave her a dose of Pepper-up as a preventative measure before she rushed from the room as though her life depended on it. Alice sat down in a chair, not far from where the nurse was pulling a screen around Lily. There was a short murmur of voices and then Alice heard Lily cry out, “No, Sev don’t go!”

 “Lily, I’m just going to go stand over there for a minute. I’ll be right back.”

“No.”

“Lil, you have to let Madame Pomfrey look at you and I can’t be here while she does that.”

“I don’t care.”

“Well, I do care, Miss Evans. Mr. Snape will have to wait elsewhere.”

Alice could hear Lily starting to cry and while she couldn’t make out much of what was said she did catch Severus’ name repeated several time. Suddenly there was a creek of bedsprings and a few whispered words. A second later the boy rounded the screen looking weary already. Alice instantly jumped from her seat and offered it to him. With a wave he motioned for her to sit back down.

“Please, you need the rest more than I do, after all, you’ve been with her all day.”

Alice sank back onto the seat and watched as he crossed to a window and gazed outside. She knew, that like her he was trying to hear what was going on behind the screen, but either Madame Pomfrey had put a charm on it or Lily had grown remarkably quiet once Severus had left.

“How do you do it?” Alice asked him.

“Do what?” Came the reply, though his eyes never left the grounds.

“Deal with her when she’s like that?”

“Lots of practice. Lily gets this sick every year, though usually it’s over Christmas holidays. There aren’t many people she likes to have around when she’s not feeling well, I’m one of them.”

“I can see why,” Alice stated softly.

Severus shrugged, “it’s the only time Lily’s demanding, I figure one week a year isn’t so bad.”

Alice shook her head slightly, “you are…”

Severus’ head whipped around and he opened his mouth and then just as rapidly shut it.

“Something else,” continued Alice, choosing to ignore his reaction. “I know I was about ready to smother her with her pillow.”

Alice thought she heard him chuckle faintly before he turned back to the window and said, “I could see how that might be tempting. But it’s Lily, so that makes it worth it. Doesn’t it? ”

The blond girl felt her mind real. For years it had been fairly common knowledge in Gryffindor house that Severus Snape fancied Lily Evans, Alice now knew they had all been wrong. Because the boy standing in front of her was clearly completely, head over heels in love with her housemate. Before Alice could adjust herself to this new revelation Madame Pomfrey emerged from behind the screen.

“Mr. Snape, Miss Evans would like to see you.” With a nod Severus turned his back on the window and was headed towards the bed when Madame Pomfrey put up a hand, “but first I want you and Miss Nesbitt to take a draught of Pepper-up potion.”

Instantly the bottle was in her hand and she was doling out measures to each of them. Severus took his with no outward reaction, though as ever, Alice had to fight down the overwhelming urge to spit the stuff out. Severus had almost completely disappeared behind the barrier when she heard him say, “Thank you, Alice.”

She had no time to reply before he vanished.

After that, every time Alice went to look in on her friend, Severus was there, either sitting in a chair dozing, Lily’s hand held in his, or reading to her softly. The first couple of times he had tried to leave when Alice arrived, but Lily became so agitated he was forced to stay. So he would sit, holding her hand and studying while Alice talked to an unresponsive Lily. At first she had wondered why she and Severus always seemed to be the only people there, then Frank told her Madame Pomfrey had declared that Lily was so sick she could have no visitors. Apparently that had sounded fine until Severus had tried to leave, at which point Lily became so overwrought Frank had heard she had actually stopped breathing for a moment. After that Dumbledore himself had overridden Madame Pomfrey and said Severus could stay as long as Lily wanted, even going so far as to give the boy permission to miss lessons. For the first time Alice began to wonder what sort of feelings Lily had for Severus, because this certainly wasn’t the reaction one would have when parted from their best friend. But this was hardly the time to ask Lily if she fancied or maybe even loved her constant companion, though Alice resolved to do so as soon as Lily had returned to her old self.

Something that seemed much more imminent when Alice entered the Hospital Wing Saturday afternoon and saw, for the first time, Severus’ customary chair next to Lily’s bed was empty. The girl herself was sitting up in bed, a book resting across her lap.

“Hello, Lily. How are you feeling?”

“Better,” she answered with something like her old smile.

“Where’s Severus?”

“I sent him to bed. Poor boy, he didn’t look like he had slept a wink in ages.”

“I don’t think he has. You seemed – reluctant to let him go.”

“I know. I am rather stupid when I’m sick.”

“Is that what we’re calling it? I would think downright mean would be a better description.”

“Was I so awful? I never remember afterward. Petunia always says I’m a holy terror but my mum and dad and Sev say I’m not so bad.”

“I think they might be being nice.”

“Oh. Well, thank you, for putting up with me then. I suppose it wasn’t the pleasantest experience.”

“Definitely not. I know there was one point when you asked me to smother you with your pillow and I was sorely tempted.”

“I suppose it’s lucky for me you didn’t give in to temptation.”

“Yes. I honestly didn’t know you could be so –”

“Difficult?” Supplied Lily, with a smile.

Alice waited until the girl’s coughing fit had subsided before answering. “Good word.”

“It’s how Sev describes himself. Never let it be said I learned nothing from him.”

“Lily, about Severus,” began Alice, unsure of how to continue now she was faced with the reality of the conversation.

Lily was instantly on the defensive. If Alice said anything bad about Severus now then Lily might have a fit. She couldn’t remember much about the last week but she did know Severus had never left her side. Every time she had woken up he had been sitting there, when or if he had eaten or slept she didn’t know. She also remembered having once woken up to hear Severus vehemently stating that the girl presently sitting next to her be allowed to visit. A fact she would be more than happy to share with Alice, if needs be. But Alice merely sat gazing at her own hands.

“What about Severus?” Lily finally prodded.

“Lily, do you – is it possible – what is Severus to you exactly?”

“What do you mean? He’s my best friend.”

“I know you keep saying that, but I’m wondering if maybe – maybe he isn’t something more.”

Lily looked genuinely puzzled for a moment. “I don’t know what you mean Alice.”

“It’s just you – you wouldn’t let him go. Every time he tried to leave, you would panic.”

Lily tried to sigh but ended in spending the next several minutes coughing. Finally, she took a sip of the water Alice had given her and took a shaky breath. “I don’t know why, but all my life there have only been three people I can stand to have around me when I’m sick, my dad, my mum and Sev. And I’d rather have my dad than anyone. Whenever I got sick dad use to sit by my bed and read to me for hours. By the time I was well he would be horse.

“Then, the first year I met Sev, I got sicker then I have ever been before or since and  mum told me Sev was so worried after a week she had to let him come up, just to see I was still alive. By that point my dad was beyond exhausted, he didn’t even have much of a voice left to read with and I still wasn’t anywhere close to well.” Lily smiled wistfully at the memory.

 “To this day, Sev says he doesn’t know what he was thinking, he just took the book from my dad, sat down and read to me. At first mum and dad were worried I might get upset, but mum says I drifted right off to sleep. Ever since then it’s been the three of them, whenever I get sick they take it in turns to read to me and take care of me. Now I only have two don’t I? I hadn’t thought of that before.” Tears were freely running down her cheeks now. “Poor Sev.”

“Why do you call him that?” Alice asked, certain that it was not a term the boy would apply to himself.

“He had to do it all alone this time. No wonder he looked so done in.”

“What is it about him you find so – soothing?”

“I don’t know. His smell, it’s crisp and clean and something I can’t put my finger on. Or maybe it’s the sound of his voice, no matter how hard he tries, that hint of northern always creeps in. The more upset he gets the more pronounced it is.” Lily started to laugh and ended in coughing again.

“Don’t – tell – him…” Lily paused and took another sip of water before carrying on, “sometimes I get him upset just so I can hear it. Then he sort of sounds like my dad, a little rougher but close.”

“You really miss your dad don’t you?”

Lily nodded. Alice moved from the chair to the bed, heedless of germs, and put her arms around Lily and held her close. “Then I’m glad Severus helps.”

“He does, Alice.”

“Good.” Alice gave Lily another gentle squeeze. She knew she couldn’t ask her friend if she fancied Severus. In part because she wasn’t sure Lily knew the answer to that question herself. One thing was clear though whatever Lily felt for the boy it was more than your average run of the mill friendship. “Well, I don’t want to wear you out so I should go.”

“Actually, would you mind sitting with me until Sev comes back?” Alice knew she must have looked taken aback because Lily quickly continued, “he won’t be long, a couple of hours at most.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know Sev almost as well as I know myself, maybe better,” answered Lily confidently.

Alice nodded her head and sat back down in the chair and talked to Lily about Slughorn’s Christmas party until Severus returned, exactly two hours later. While Alice stayed and chatted for a few more minutes she could tell she was no longer needed and indeed, probably not wanted by either person.

So, she said goodbye and walked back to Gryffindor tower mulling over all she had learned today. Clearly Lily and Severus were closer than any of them had ever suspected. Well, perhaps all of them but Remus, who had told Alice several months ago, in confidence, he wouldn’t be surprised if the two friends ended up together. Of course, Remus also said Lily was more interested in James then she usually let on. That had prompted Alice to laugh and tell Remus he had just contradicted himself. The boy had merely shook his head and said that no matter what, someone was going to walk away from this with a broken heart.

For years, Alice, like most of Gryffindor, had been convinced if James just held out long enough he would win Lily. Now she felt guilty for having said it, because she suspected the truth was, Severus was the one who just had to hold on. That, as long as he didn’t join the Death Eaters and managed to keep Lily unattached until they left school, he would be the one to walk away with the prize, because Lily clearly had a great deal of affection for him. And he, well any fool could see he thought she had hung the moon. And would it be so bad if Severus won?

Alice tried to look at it objectively, to see Severus as just a boy and not a Slytherin and Lily as just a girl. If she did that, then the answer was no. There were worse things in the world than to be with someone who clearly worshipped the ground you trod upon. It was clear to her Severus did just that. After all, how many men would spend a week sitting in a hard chair holding your hand and reading to you just to keep you happy while you were sick?

 Alice knew that those men were few and far between and James wasn’t one of them. In fact, he had only tried to see Lily once. When he had been turned away he had sulked about it, it was true, but he had given in rather quickly. Severus, on the other hand, had sat in the corridor for hours last year in the hopes Lily might come out and speak to him, for Alice that spoke volumes both about his character and his feelings for Lily. Alice looked at the spot where she had passed him at the end of last term, ignoring his request to ask Lily to come out and speak to him. Suddenly it occurred to her he must have been sitting outside of the portrait when Lily was sick, waiting to hear if she was better or not.

Maybe James did love Lily, but the fact was, Severus undoubtedly loved her more, probably needed her more and there was a part of Lily that needed Severus. Alice knew she had to go and tell Mary she would not be a part of her plan to push Lily and James together. Something Frank had been against since he had discovered the plan weeks ago. He had said if James and Lily were meant to be together then it would happen naturally and not need to be pushed.  Otherwise, the girls should let Lily be happy with whomever she wanted. Mary had argued the point with him but Alice now knew that Frank was right.

She uttered the current password to the Pink Lady and entered the common room, immediately crossing to where Frank was engrossed in a game of Chess with Remus.

“How is she?” He asked not looking up.

“Better.”

“Good.”

“Frank.”

“Yes Alice?”

“I – I think – I think I love you.”

The pawn he was holding fell from Frank’s hand. With a broad grin he rose from his seat and kissed her. Alice could hear the Marauders whooping around her. When Frank at long last pulled back he looked down at her and whispered “I love you too, Alice.”

“You were right you know.” her voice barely audible

“About?”

“Lily. She should have this and if Severus is the one to give it to her, then who am I to get in their way?”

“So, I take it we’re on the Snape-Lily team?”

“I think we’d better be.”

“Has it that bad does she?”

“I think so.”

“Snape…”

“Severus.”

“Severus, it is then. What made you make this decision?”

“Maybe I’ve finally figured out what it is to be a true friend or maybe I’m just stupidly in love.”

“Can I vote for the latter option?” He asked with a smile before kissing her again.

“Mmmhmm.” Alice muttered.

“Okay enough of that!” yelled Sirius.

“Yeah, don’t taunt us all with your happiness,” chimed in James.

For a moment Alice and Frank looked deeply into each other’s eyes.

Then Frank muttered, “poor James,” before sitting back down and allowing Remus to solidly trounce him.


	18. Lily’s Decision

Madame Pomfrey insisted on keeping Lily in the hospital wing for another few days just to make sure she was completely well. Severus stayed with Lily all of Sunday but that night she had insisted he go to class the following day, stating he took better notes than anyone else in Hogwarts and she was going to need them to catch up on the lessons she had missed. This was how Severus knew Lily was really on the mend and would soon be aching to leave the safety of the hospital wing. He wanted to stay with her but knew he had to return to class and life as usual at some point, besides Lily was right, they were under the watchful eye of Dumbledore, and nothing bad could possibly happen while he was around.

Severus was surprised how often the headmaster had turned up in the hospital wing during the past week. Each time he had eyed Severus speculatively, leaving the boy with the impression the headmaster knew exactly what Lucius had said to him in the Hog’s Head. Several times Severus wondered if he should perhaps talk to Dumbledore, ask him for help with his plan, but each time he dismissed the idea. Dumbledore had too much to worry about without Severus adding to his problems.

So, he had resolved that, like Lily, he was going to attempt to push what Lucius had said to the back of his mind. Something he suspected Lily would be more successful at then him, because despite his resolve he found himself hurrying up the stairs and down countless corridors to be able to see Lily before class Monday morning. He found her sitting in bed, obviously trying to read _A Tale of Two Cities_ for the nth time, a tray resting next to her.

“Good morning, Lily.”

“Good morning, I thought you were going to class this morning.”

“I am, I just thought I would stop in and see you first.”

“You know, you really have to get over this whole protective kick you’re on.”

“I’m not – Alright, I was, but I am trying to be better - I would never forgive myself if anything bad happened to you because of me.”

Lily reached out and took his hand in hers. “Nothing is going to happen to me. You just like to fret.”

“Do not.”

“Hmm,” she eyed him curiously for a moment. “Did you eat anything this morning?”

Severus thought back over his morning thus far. “No, not that I can recall.”

“Sev, you might be the only person in the world who can forget when they ate last.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“Well here, you can have half of my porridge.”

Severus looked at it sceptically. “Does she put sugar in it?”

“No.”

“Then I’ll pass. Besides I have to go if I’m going to make it to class on time. I’ll come see you at lunch.”

“You don’t have to. Why don’t you come after dinner then we can have a nice long chat. I have something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about anyway.”

“What?”

“We don’t have time now. I’ll tell you later. Go on now.”

Severus rose from the chair and slung his bag over his shoulder. “Can’t you at least give me a hint?”

“Slughorn.”

“Lily, what kind of hint is that?”

“The only one you’re getting. It ought to keep you stewing all day. If you don’t hurry you’ll be late.”

He reluctantly walked across the room when he reached the door he turned. “Lily.”

“No.”

Sighing, he walked towards class, turning over in his mind what Lily could possibly want to talk to him about that involved Slughorn. If it was something to do with potions then surely she wouldn’t be so mysterious. He contemplated going to see her at lunch after all but he was so far behind in his classes at this point it would take him many sleepless nights to catch back up. Not that he regretted spending the week at Lily’s side, it was what she had wanted after all and it felt good to know she needed him.

“Where have you been hiding Snivelly?” drawled a voice to his left.

Severus felt every muscle in his body tense. He slowly eased his right hand into his pocket, wrapping his hand around his wand. He turned to see James Potter lounging against a pillar, a few feet away Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin were talking quietly.

“What business is that of yours, Potter?” How he wished he could think up a stupid nickname for the boy opposite him.

“Just wondering if you were having more secret meetings with your Death Eater pals.”

How did Potter know he had met with Lucius? “Who I meet is none of your concern, Potter.”

“What does Lily see in you?”

“Intelligence, talent, things you clearly lack.”

Severus winced internally as a stinging hex hit him, he fought the urge to retaliate. He couldn’t give in; he had to take the high road. Lily was still in the hospital wing and he had promised to see her tonight, something he wouldn’t be able to do if he was in detention.

“What’s the matter, Snivellus to cowardly to do anything?”

Severus knew he was dangerously close to breaking, word to Lily or no. He slowly drew his wand from his pocket while replying. “Yes, it takes a great amount of courage to attack one person with your three friends to back you up.”

Severus could see the threesome breaking up and drifting towards the confrontation. He silently begged Lily to forgive him for whatever he had to do to get out of this situation. James put up a hand, halting his friends progress. “I have more courage than a coward like you could ever dream of. Something Lily is all too aware of.”

“Yet I have been her best friend for eight years, while you, I believe, hardly rate more than the occasional word. And don’t think for one minute you know anything about me.” Severus knew his voice had taken on the cold, calculated tone it always did before he went on the offensive.

Something Potter obviously detected because he backed away slightly and didn’t stop Black when he took a step or two closer. “I know what you’re doing, Snape…”

Severus tried not to give anything away. How could Potter possibly know about his plans to get out of being a Death Eater? Potter’s next words relieved him greatly “… but it will take more than cleaning your hair to impress Lily.”

“How would you know what impresses Lily?”

“Well, she doesn’t look at you the way she looks at me, does she?”

Severus’ hand was shaking now. He wanted to hex Potter more than he had ever wanted anything in his whole life, well almost. “Potter, I don’t care how she looks at you, because in the end it’s me she wants isn’t it? Or did I miss it when she asked for you while in the hospital wing?” He gloated smugly.

Severus readied himself for the coming attack, wondering which spell to cast to simultaneously take out Black and Potter.

But no spell was forthcoming, indeed all action stopped as a voice echoed down the corridor. “Am I perhaps interrupting something?”

Severus turned to see Dumbledore gliding towards them. He instantly pocketed his wand and readied himself to dispute whatever lie the other boy chose to make up about him. Instead, Potter gave the headmaster a winning smile and said, “no sir, Snape and I were just having a debate on what constitutes bravery.”

“Ahh, an interesting discussion I’m sure, however I believe you are all in danger of being late to class. So Mr. Potter, Mr. Snape perhaps you should continue your conversation another time.”

“Yes, sir,” agreed Severus before readjusting his bag and walking down the corridor.

As he passed Potter the boy whispered, “We’ll see who Lily wants on Saturday at Slughorn’s.”

Severus turned, ready to bit off a retort but Dumbledore was watching him with that eerie look so he headed off to class instead.

He spent the rest of the day with his emotions swinging wildly. On one hand he knew there was no way Lily would be recovered enough to want to go to a party this weekend, on the other hand, he knew what Potter had said about how Lily looked at him was true. Severus had seen that look countless times and it terrified him because he knew it meant, no matter how much she protested the fact, Lily was interested in Potter. At first he had tried to ignore it, to tell himself it meant nothing, after all, who cared if Lily occasionally looked at Potter in a way that made Severus want to permanently disfigure the boy. Now each time Lily brought up Potter’s name Severus felt fear in the pit of his stomach. What kept Lily from acting on her attraction he didn’t know, he could only pray it continued.

He kept telling himself Lily hadn’t asked for Potter once the whole week, it was only him she wanted and that had to mean something. He had to believe one day Lily would forget whatever feeling that Gryffindor prat elicited and recognize he had been standing right next to her, waiting patiently for years.  Surely one day she would seehe was the one who truly loved her, would do anything for her. What was stupid Potter willing to do? Would he die to keep Lily safe? Severus doubted it. The idiot would probably just go off and let her be killed, while he would willingly throw himself in front of an Avada Kedavera just to give Lily a chance to live. And that had to mean more in the grand scheme of things then the ability to play quidditch and having a Gringotts’ vault full of gold.

Later that night, having eaten and showered Severus returned to the hospital wing, a new book for Lily tucked under his arm. Madame Pomfrey looked up and gave him a small smile as he entered the room. He gave her a curt nod and walked to Lily’s bedside. Much to his surprise she didn’t even glance up from the book she was reading when he sat down on the chair next to her. Just as he felt in danger of being consumed by the doubt flooding up from the pit of his stomach she slammed the book shut and smiled at him.

“Sorry, I just wanted to finish.”

“Should you be reading so much?” He questioned, noting she had finished the entire volume of Dickens in one day.

“Please, I’m fine. I don’t know why Madame Pomfrey insists on keeping me here.”

“You were very sick, Lily.”

“No worse than usual.”

“True. Still she knows what she’s doing so perhaps you should listen.”

“If I don’t get to class soon…”

“I don’t think you’re in any danger of failing and I’ll help you through any rough patches.”

“You’ve missed just as much class as I have.”

“Not true. I went today and besides I got our lessons brought to me so I’m not that far behind. I can tell you the basics now if you’d like.”

“No, I’d rather wait.”

“Not so cured after all. Would you like me to read to you?” He asked, opening the book.

“No, I’d rather talk.”

“About?”

“Who are you taking to Slughorn’s party?”

Severus paused, “what?”

“Slughorn’s party, who are you taking?”

“I wasn’t planning on going.”

“Then who will keep me company?”

Severus was really confused now, “I will.”

“But you just said you weren’t going.”

“Lily, surely you aren’t thinking of going?”

“Why not?”

“You just spent an entire week sick in bed. I hardly think you need to exhaust yourself by going to some stupid party.”

“Please, I’m going spare sitting in this bed. I have to do something fun soon or I’ll go completely around the twist.”

“Still…”

“Sev, you’re not talking me out of this, so tell me who you’re taking.”

“Well, since I wasn’t planning on going, I think it’s safe to say no one.”

“Really? Because Alice told me the other day Urania Burke has been following you like a puppy.”

“Yes she has, annoying little – what has that got to do with anything any… hold on, are you implying I might – What are you implying?”

“That Urania fancies you and I was wondering if maybe…” Lily trailed off, staring down at the tan blanket covering her.

“Lily that’s –! She’s a baby!”

“She’s thirteen, that’s hardly a baby.”

“And I’m nearly seventeen. It’s pervy beyond belief! I think you can go to Azkaban for things like that! Are you sure that cold didn’t affect your brain?”

“So – you’re not – interested.” Lily asked slowly, picking at a spot on the blanket.

Severus felt his heart beat faster. Was it possible Lily was jealous? Did this mean she might perhaps fancy him? He tried desperately to figure out what Lily was implying, if he could at long last say the words he had always wanted to. While the desire to let all those supressed words spill out him was almost overwhelming he couldn’t decipher what she was possibly feeling so he quashed the longing back into his heart and answered, “no, I’m not.”

Lily looked up and met his eyes, “just be careful, Sev. She’s young and I know you wouldn’t want to hurt her.” He shook his head, while Lily continued on, “and you could, if she cares for you in a way that you don’t care for her. It’s a hard thing to know that someone else’s happiness is so dependent on you.”

Severus wondered if they were still talking about Urania or if they had crossed a line and were now talking about him and Lily. Merlin he hoped not, because if so, Lily had all but told him he had no hope. “I know.”

“Good.” Lily declared before looking up and smiling brightly at him. “So, then I take it I wouldn’t be out of line to ask you to play escort to me? Not stepping on anyone else’s toes or anything?”

“No. But are you sure you don’t want to go with someone else?”

“Sev, there is no one else on the face of this earth I would rather go with.”

“Alright, then you have a – an escort.”

“Perfect, and we’ll have the best time of anyone because we won’t have to worry about what to say to each other. Now, what did you bring me?” She asked, nodding at the book he was holding.

“Oh, it’s – _Lord of the Rings_. Cris sent it. He thought we might like it since there are wizards in it.”

“This ought to be good for a laugh.”

“That’s what I thought. They never get it right do they, the muggles?”

“No, but it’s entertaining anyway.”

Severus opened the book and started to read. He had barely gotten through the first page when Lily stopped him. “Sev, I can’t hear very well.”

He scooted the chair closer towards the bed and started reading again. He hadn’t gotten very far before Lily stopped him again, she took a quick glance at where Madame Pomfrey had disappeared into her office and whispered. “Come lay on the bed.”

Severus looked over his shoulder. “We’ll get in trouble.”

“No, we won’t, she listens to a story for an hour on the WWN every night. Come on.”

Severus somewhat reluctantly dropped onto the bed. “If she comes out.”

“Oh, take a walk on the wild side, Sev.”

“One of these days you’re going to get me into so much trouble.” He settled back against the headboard and waited until Lily had snuggled up against him, her head resting on his chest.

“Okay, go on.”

Severus cleared his throat and started in again, every once in awhile pausing to look down at Lily. Secretly he felt he would sell his soul to have Potter come in and see how much Lily’s looks mattered in the grand scheme of things. That craving died when Madame Pomfrey came out two hours later and found the boy and girl together in bed completely engrossed in a tale about hobbits. Lily giggled while Severus was evicted from the room and threatened with countless hours of detention.

Unfortunately this meant he was unable to see Lily for the next two days she was in the hospital wing. Instead he was forced to look at her empty place at meals. Adding insult to injury Potter apparently thought Lily had told Severus she didn’t want to see him and so he was strutting around the castle with a smirk permanently plastered on his face. Severus was one meal away from either resurrecting his Sectumsempra spell or telling Potter he had been thrown out for being in bed with Lily, when, to his surprise, he saw her sitting at the Gryffindor table. The second her eyes met his she beamed and rose from the table, rushing over to join him. Potter’s eyes narrowed as he watched Lily grab Severus by the arm and drag him to the corner of the Great Hall.

“Sev, I’m so sorry about the other night. You didn’t get into any trouble did you?”

“No.”

“Good, I was worried you might.”

“Nobody’s said anything. Why, did Madame Pomfrey say anything to you?”

“Not really.”

“Meaning?”

“Well, she did say that that sort of behaviour wasn’t acceptable at school but seeing as how I was so ill she would let it pass.”

“I told you it was a bad idea.”

“Hmm yes, we probably shouldn’t do it anymore.” Lily affirmed before thoughtfully adding, “at least not at school.”

Severus’ heart leapt, did that mean Lily was alright with them sharing a bed under other circumstances?

Before he could overthink what Lily had just said she continued, “so, do you remember when you said you’d help me over the rough patches?”

“Yes.”

“Well, rough patch. You will help me won’t you?”

“Of course.”

“When?”

“Tonight in the Library,” Severus suggested.

“No, I’d rather meet in the potions room. I don’t want to risk being interrupted.”

“Who would interrupt us?”

“Potter. He wants me to go with him on Saturday.”

“Oh. Do you need me to…”

“No, actually he was pretty sweet about it.”

“Sweet?”

“Yes, he gave me flowers when he asked, and there was this poem. So I’m trying to be nicer than usual about telling him no.”

“So you did tell him no.”

“Well, I did ask you,” her hand reached out and grasped a button on the front of his shirt; her green eyes peered up at him from under her long lashes. “Or have you forgotten?”

Severus swallowed hard before answering, “no, I remember.”

“Good, I was worried for a second you might want to back out. Maybe go with someone else.”

Was it just him or was she pouting slightly? “Who?”

Lily nodded over his shoulder and he turned to see Urania watching the two of them intently. “I told you I wasn’t interested. Besides…” He lowered his head until his lips were only a breath away from her ear, “there is no one else on the face of this earth I would rather go with.”

Severus thought he saw Lily shiver a little before replying, “maybe you should tell that to your fan club.”

“Tell me how to and I will.”

“I’ll think about it and get back to you. Bye, Sev, I’ll see you tonight.” She said with a little smile before walking away.

“What time?” He called.

Lily turned and held up seven fingers before winking and walking back to her seat.

A little shocked, Severus walked back to his spot, grabbed his bag and wandered out of the Great Hall. Had Lily been flirting? With him? He was going spare trying to figure out what was going on between them these last few months. Normally he would write Lucius and ask him what he thought but that was now out of the question. He just couldn’t figure this out on his own. Part of him wanted to call the question, to flat out ask Lily what was going on and if she fancied him, but he was horribly afraid she would say no or even worse, laugh in his face. If that happened would he be completely out of the running? Would any chance he had of winning Lily be gone forever?

For the first time ever he wished he had another close friend, someone who would give him advice. He slid dejectedly down the wall outside of the classroom and opened his bag, desperate to find a book to take his mind off of things. He was in the midst of pulling _The Lord of the Rings_ out when it occurred to him he did have someone to talk to. He could write Cris, surely he would be able to give Severus some guidance. Severus began to mentally write a letter, trying to remember every detail of the last few months so he could relay them to his friend.

He hadn’t actually finished the missive by the time he met Lily in the corridor outside of the Gryffindor common room on Saturday night, though he was close. He felt as if he had been pacing up and down the hall for hours by the time she came out of the portrait hole.

“Hello, Sev,”

He could only smile at her for a minute, awed by how beautiful she looked. Finally he found his voice and returned her greeting.

She walked slowly to his side and smiled up at him, “you look nice tonight.”

 “So do you.” He replied around the frog in his throat.

“Should we go?”

“Are you in such a hurry to get there?”

“Not particularly, but James is – well – “ Lily flapped her hand as if waving off a pesky bug and gave a weary laugh. “and Urania Burke looked like she wanted to pounce this evening at dinner.”

“I haven’t done anything to encourage her.”

“I know.”

“I was thinking of telling Slughorn I didn’t want to tutor her anymore.”

“It hardly seems right the girl should fail potions because she has a crush on her tutor.”

“He’ll find someone else. Besides I’m not entirely sure she does fancy me.”

“Of course she does. You are fairly fanciable you know.” Lily asserted with a smile.

Severus figured if the conversation carried on like this he would drop down dead of shock. Did Lily really think that he was fanciable. “Am I?”

“Yes, in that dark, brooding way and loads of girls like that.”

“Really?” He wanted to ask Lily if she was partial to dark and brooding. He took a breath; he was going to do this. “Such as?”

Lily laughed, “well, obviously Urania.”

“Oh.” Severus intoned dejectedly. That was not the answer he had hoped for.

“You don’t have to sound so put out.”

“I just – she’s not – I was wondering if there was anyone else is all.”

Lily stopped, trying to think of what she wanted to say next. She had spent the last two days in the hospital wing thinking about Severus, about the two of them and how she felt. After two solid days of pondering she had to admit something was growing in her heart, something that wasn’t friendship. Still, taking a risk with Severus was not like taking a risk with anyone else. If things didn’t work between them then she had not only lost her boyfriend but her best friend. And the fact was, Severus was now so enmeshed in her life that losing him would be tantamount to losing a limb, or worse. She didn’t know what to do, part of her wanted to leave things be and another part, one that was becoming ever louder and more instant, was telling her to take a gamble and see where it took them. Right now the instinct that told her to gamble was winning.

“Would you like there to be?” Asked Lily softly, looking deeply into his eyes.

“Yes,” he whispered.

“There might be, but she’s not sure yet. She needs some time, Sev. To see – to be sure.” Not certain of what else she could possibly say, Lily started wandering down the corridor.

It took Severus a moment to will himself to move. His heart was racing in his chest. He was almost certain Lily was talking about herself. “To be sure of what?”

“Of how she feels. To be certain you’ve really changed. That you aren’t going to go back to being – well...”

“I won’t. I gave my word, I would never go back on that.”

“That’s what she’s hoping for. And she wants to believe it, you have no idea how much but…”

“But what? Do y…does she think – that I would risk losing her – her respect for that – for them? For anyone? Because I wouldn’t. Her good opinion means more to me than anything else in the world. ”

Lily stopped abruptly and looked at him intensely “Sev, you have to change for you, not for anyone else. Promise me you’re doing this for you. To be a good person, to be the best Severus you can be and not for anyone else, no matter how much you may – care about them.”

“I always wanted to be the best person I could be. I’m just not always entirely sure who that is.”

“You don’t have to be entirely sure right now, after all, we’re only sixteen. You just have to have a rough idea.”

“I’m getting there.”

“Good. I know someday you’re going to be so great, you’ll do something marvellous, cure a disease or end world hunger or something equally splendid. I’ve always known that, ever since we were little.”

“Lily don’t – don’t expect too much from me. I’m not so sure I can stand on that pedestal.”

“I’ll tell you what, I won’t put you on a pedestal if you won’t put me on one.”

“That sounds fair.” Severus could hear the sound of people coming down the next corridor and knew they wouldn’t have much more time alone so he swiftly reached down and caught her hand. “Lily –”

“Yes.”

“About this girl, I promise I’ll give her all the time she needs.”

Lily looked down at the two hands clasped together for a moment before looking up at him. “I’m sure she’ll appreciate it. It’s quite new and unexpected, what she’s feeling and she wouldn’t want to rush things. Or risk hurting you.”

“I wouldn’t want to hurt her either. I hope she knows that.”

“She does.”

“Good,” the word was hardly out of his mouth when a large group of people turned the corner. Lily instantly dropped his hand though she continued to smile warmly at him.

“Come on, Slughorn told me that he invited Thessalus Hippos.”

“Thessalus Hippos, Head of Potions Development at St. Mungos?”

“Yes, he’s coming just to meet you.”

“I think I might be ill.”

“You’ll be fine, just breathe.”

Severus crossed to a nearby window and opened it a crack, taking in a deep breath of cold air. This night was too much, first Lily had told him he had hope, all be it in a roundabout way, and now... The only thing he had ever contemplated doing aside from being a Death Eater was working for Hippos at St. Mungo’s. His whole future could hinge on this moment.

“What’s wrong with Severus?” He heard Alice whisper.

Lily stifled a giggle. “He’s nervous. I just told him that Thessalus Hippos is coming to the party tonight to meet him.”

“Impressive,” muttered Frank.

Severus was seconds away from groaning and sinking to the ground when he heard a voice that stopped him dead.

“Why does that matter?” James questioned.

Potter’s words had barely faded from the corridor when Sirius chimed in. “Yeah, since when did Snivellus start caring if people liked him?”

“Because Black, Hippos is head of Potions Development at St. Mungo's and Sev wants a job there after school. Some of us do have to work for a living.”

Lily watched Sirius open his mouth to reply and found that she was in no mood to listen. “Oh, why don’t you just go away and flirt with whatever girl was silly enough to go to the party with you.”

“Wow, I didn’t think I was silly, but I guess it’s better than some of the other things I’ve been called.” Chimed in Remus as he emerged from behind Mary McDonald.

“Rem, what in the world?”

“It seems Sirius managed to upset his date and as I had never been to one of these things he very generously offered to let me tag along. And I thought it might be interesting to see what you all got up to at these meetings.”

Lily laughed and pulled Severus away from the window. The two fell in to step next to Remus as the group made their way down the hall. “This is hardly a typical meeting.”

“So I gather, but at least there’ll be good food, right?”

“Only if you like crystallized pineapple.” Severus drawled highly aware of the fact that Lily’s hand was still clasped around his arm.

“You’ll have to excuse Sev, he’s not the biggest fan of the Slug Club.”

Remus shot the dark haired boy, on the other side of the girl next to him, a sympathetic look. “I have to say I’ve always thought they sounded incredibly pointless, but a party is a party, so. I’m sure you’ll do fine with Hippos, Snape, after all, you are the best Potions student in school.”

Lily beamed at Remus while hugging Severus’ arm “See, I told you everyone says you’re the best at potions. You’ll be perfect, you always are.”

Severus started to smile at her weakly, but when he caught sight of Potter looking over his shoulder to scowl at him, he gave Lily what he knew to be his absolute best smile, pressed her hand, leaned down and whispered in her ear, “you’ll help me, won’t you?”

Lily reached up and brushed a stray strand of hair back from his eyes. “Always and forever.”

It was all he could do not to laugh when Potter walked right into the doorway. “Walk much, Potter?”

Both Potter and Mary MacDonald glared at Severus as he walked into the room, Lily’s arm still wrapped around his. Then, taking one last deep breath, he set out to meet Thessalus Hippos, determined to do his best and win both his desired job and the girl standing by his side.

Lily valiantly tried to follow what Severus and Hippos were talking about but it soon became apparent to her their conversation went far above her level of knowledge. What she did grasp was that the wizened old man was highly impressed by her friend. It also appeared Severus had found someone to look up to, someone who was worthy of his devotion. This was made all to clear to her when she told Severus she was going to the loo and he merely glanced at her and nodded. When she came back and saw him still deep in conversation she decided to pass on rejoining the twosome and headed to the buffet.

There she found Remus, filling a plate to overflowing. “So did your date desert you?”

“Ha-ha, you’re funny. Did you really think Sirius would stick with me when there are so many single girls floating around?”

“I thought he’d been through just about every girl at Hogwarts.”

“Well, there are the younger ones, third years and below.”

 “He really has no shame, does he?”

“Nope. So where’s Severus?”

“Over there.” Lily waved her hand in Severus’ general direction “Having a conversation that would boggle the mind of a smarter person than me.”

“Things are going well then?” Remus lowered his voice “I mean with the plan?”

Lily looked around the room and nodded towards an empty corner. Remus took her now filled plate and followed her. When they reached the corner they both slid down to the floor. “It’s hard to tell. It doesn’t seem like that house is the most communicative bunch in the world. We did manage to find out he won’t have to join until after school.”

Remus eyes widened in shock, “it didn’t occur to me they would ask any earlier.”

“Me either, but apparently once you’re of age it’s open season and since Sev and I will be seventeen in January I guess it was an option.”

“How do you know?”

Lily looked around anxiously, wanting to be certain no one overheard the conversation. “They asked him.”

“And he said no?” Remus sounded impressed and she could see him looking through the crowd towards where Severus stood.

“Not exactly.”

Remus’ head turned back to meet her gaze. “What does not exactly mean?”

 “Well, it seems flat out saying no is not an option so we’re still going with your plan. He’s managed to get them to agree he doesn’t have to join until after school.”

“You’re still sure he doesn’t want to join?”

“Absolutely certain.”

“Wait a minute, is that why he was tearing down the road at the last Hogsmeade weekend?”

“Yes.”

“If he got a reprieve why was he so – upset?”

Lily paused, not certain if she wanted to tell anyone this part or not. But maybe it wouldn’t hurt to have someone in Gryffindor know what was going on, just in case. “They asked him to – recruit me.”

“Are you – What in the hell are you two going to do about that?”

“Sev’s hoping once they change their mind about him, they’ll let go of the idea of having me.”

“That’s a gamble.”

“I know, but I’m not going to tell him that. I’ve only just managed to get him to agree not to follow me around twenty four hours a day.”

“Can’t say I blame him.”

“Rem, you can’t tell anyone about this.”

“Not a word.”

“I mean it. You can’t tell Potter or Black or Pettigrew, no one.”

“I promise I won’t say a word to any of them – out of curiosity, who else knows?”

“Just you, me and Sev and that’s the way we need to keep it for now.”

“I have to say I’m flattered you would trust me so much, Lily.”

“Of course I do, you’re a good friend, Rem.”

Remus looked uncomfortable for a moment and then slowly said, “Listen, Lily, there’s something that…”

“There you are!” James Potter exclaimed as he pushed through the crowd. “Hi, Lily. I’ve been looking everywhere for you, Moony. Padfoot’s gone and cocked it up.”

Remus sighed, “why am I not surprised? What’s he done this time?”

“Got caught snogging Patrice Wrackston.”

“Wait isn’t she seeing that Ravenclaw beater?” inquired Lily.

“Axton Fletcher. Remus you’ve got to help us, mate.”

Remus groaned, “where are they?”

“Out by the loo.”

Remus quickly scrambled to his feet. “I’ll see you later, Lily. Come on, Prongs.”

“I’ll be there in a minute.”

Remus gave his friend an incredulous look before hurrying away.

Aware that James wasn’t going to leave until he had spoken to her, Lily slowly stood and looked expectantly at the boy who was standing in front of her, nervously shifting from one foot to the other.

“So, Lily, how come you came with Snape tonight?”

“How come you came with Mary?”

“Because you wouldn’t and she said she wanted to go, so it seemed like the nice thing to do.”

Lily shook her head, “Potter… oh why bother?”

She started to push past him but stopped when she heard him say pleadingly, “just give me one chance, Lily.”

“I don’t think you’ve earned it.”

“And Snape has?”

“Yes, in more ways than you will ever know. Now go help your friends, before they get beaten to a pulp, and while Sirius may deserve it, Remus doesn’t.”

James looked at her longingly for a moment before nodding his head in ascent and hurrying off. Lily watched him go sadly; she really did wish he would forget about her. She hated knowing he was so enthralled with her when she knew she couldn’t bring herself to do anything about it. If James were like his best friend, she could sneak off and have a quick snog with him, then he would be out of her system. And she would be free to figure out what it was she felt for the dark eyed boy now clearly searching for her near the buffet. But a quick snog was not an option, so she would just have to do the best she could without the desired release.

Putting a smile on her face she crossed the room and walked up behind Severus, tapping him lightly on the shoulder. Instantly he turned, a triumphant smile on his face.

“I take it things went well with Hippos?”

“Yes, he told me I should come see him when I get out of school. I rather got the impression that as long as my marks were good then I would have a job.”

“We know they will be, so it seems like you’re all set. And look, we’ve focused on you so much that your whole life is settled and I have yet to decide what to do with mine.”

The smile slid from Severus’ face and was replaced by a look of guilt.

“Don’t you dare apologize to me!” Laughed Lily, shaking her finger at him. “Your career was as easy as pie to figure out.”

“And yours isn’t?”

“No, there’s nothing I love the way you love potions, that makes it harder to settle on a career. For now I’ll have to bask in the reflected glow of your triumph.”

“I promise I’ll help you come up with something.”

Lily smiled and reached across him, grabbing two plates. She handed one to him and watched as he began to fill it. “Maybe I can come work for you.”

“What are you on about? I’m going to be the absolute bottom rung of the ladder.”

“Hmm, for about two point two milliseconds. Tell me, do you think Hippos knew he was talking to his replacement?”

“Remember what we said about that pedestal.”

“Oh, this isn’t putting you up on a pedestal, this is speaking the truth.”

“Is it really?” He asked with a quirk of his eyebrow.

Lily giggled and blurted out, “I love it when you do that. And yes it’s absolutely the truth. In fact, I’m so sure of it, I will make you a bet.

“I bet you – say one hundred galleons that ten years from now you’re head of Potions Development at St. Mungo’s.”

After her declaration, Severus barely caught the rest of what Lily was saying, thrilled by the idea that a quirk of his eyebrow got such a reaction from her. However, he had managed to hear the number of years she thought it would take him to accomplish the goal she had just set for him. “Ten years, impossible.”

“So, is it a bet then?”

“Alright.”

“Good.” Lily put her plate down and stuck out her hand, “shake on it.”

Severus put his plate next to hers before taking her hand in his. Seriously they shook hands, holding on perhaps a little longer than they normally would have.

When they let go Lily took up her plate and laughed. “Guess I’m going to have to get a good job if I’m going to have to give you a hundred galleons.”

“Maybe I’ll let you pay in instalments.”

“Oh, a little more confidant now, are we?”

He gave a slight chuckle before responding. “It doesn’t hurt to let you think you’re right every now and again.”

“You are so – so annoying sometimes. I don’t know why I keep you around.”

“Why do you, Lil?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Because, you’re my best friend and I love you.”

“Me too.”

It was the closest he had ever come to saying the words directly to her. But Lily didn’t need the words, his eyes said it all.

“Come on, let’s go eat and you can attempt to translate your conversation with Hippos to me.”

With a laugh Severus followed, animatedly giving her all the details of the conversation. They were so engrossed in one another they never noticed the two boys they passed.

Remus waited until he was sure Lily and Severus were gone before resting his hand on James’ shoulder. “I’m sorry mate.”

James continued to look after the retreating couple long after they had disappeared from sight. Then, surprisingly, he turned to face Remus, a look of grim determination on his face. “He hasn’t won her, not yet, and I’m not going to let him!”

Remus was prepared to tell James the battle was all but lost and Severus was the victor but before he got a single word out, James stalked from the party and on his way to the hospital wing to plot with Sirius.


	19. The World Turned Upside Down

A week later Severus found himself seated on the Hogwarts Express headed home for the Christmas holidays. This year, for the first time ever, he had tried to talk Lily into staying at school, thinking it would be safer for both of them. She had, of course, told him she had to go home; she couldn’t possibly not when it would be their first Christmas without Daniel. That decided the matter for him as well since there was no way he was going to let Lily go without him, in part because he wanted to protect her and also because it meant getting to spend at least a modicum of time alone, something he was always in favour of. So here he was, barrelling towards London and yet he was most decidedly without her.

Lily was, at that moment, somewhere patrolling and she had told him in no uncertain terms he was not allowed to trail along after her while she was fulfilling her prefect duties. When he had balked Lily had stated most emphatically Remus could help her ward off any threats if it came to it. Severus had asked her what that meant and was appalled when Lily admitted she had told Lupin the Death Eaters had tried to recruit her. There hadn’t been time to say much else because they had gotten in a carriage at that point and were promptly joined by Urania Burke and Clive Tilford.

Then, when they’d reached the train, before he could utter a single word, Lily had told him they would talk about it later before hurrying off, and he had found himself trapped in this compartment with Urania and Clive. Severus had thought about telling them he was going to the loo and attempting to find another compartment but with his luck he wouldn’t be able to find an empty one. Besides, he would have to figure out some way of removing both his and Lily’s trunks, then they were bound to figure out he was trying to make his escape.

So he pulled out _The Lord of the Rings_ and tried to ignore the fact the two people sharing the compartment with him clearly loathed one another. They sat like that for hours, the Slytherin and Hufflepuff glaring at each other with hate filled eyes. Severus hadn’t even known Hufflepuffs could glare, he always thought of them as the perpetually happy house. Clearly he had been wrong.

Sighing, he started rereading his current page for the fourth time, two hours and he had read exactly eighty pages, normally he could read that much in less than half the time. Halfway down the page he heard Urania mutter something that sounded suspiciously like “mudblood” in Clive’s direction.

That was it! He had had enough. Slamming the book shut he looked up at Urania. “If you’re going to use that word you need to leave.”

She smiled sweetly at him and said, “I didn’t say anything.”

Severus looked at her disbelievingly, causing her to squirm slightly. “Apologize.”

The girl flushed crimson but looked at the tawny haired boy sitting next to her and said, “I’m sorry.”

“Sure,” Clive returned, the scepticism evident in his tone.

Obviously if he was going to keep the peace Severus was going to have to find something to do with the two younger students. Something more involved on his part pretending they didn’t exist and trying to read a book. He racked his brain for options but all he could come up with was talking about potions and he didn’t think that would go over well. Finally out of sheer desperation Severus asked, “do either of you have exploding snap cards?”

“I do,” affirmed Clive.

“How about we play a round?” Severus suggested.

“There’s only three of us,” sneered Urania as if trying to refrain from pointing out he was a total idiot.

 _Good, maybe she’s almost over this stupid fixation_ thought Severus. “I am aware of that, but I think if we adapt the rules a little we might be able to make a go of it.”

Clive gave a half-hearted smile before reaching overhead to grab the deck of cards. It turned out Urania wasn’t good at playing outside the standard rules, though Clive was highly adaptable. Severus was in the midst of explaining his altered rules for what seemed like the millionth time when the door slid open and Lily entered the compartment.

“Hello, what are you doing?”

“Trying to play exploding snap,” said Severus curtly, his head pounding.

Urania brightened. “If she plays then we can have a real game.”

“Is it alright if I join you?”

“Of course.” _Why is Lily asking me such a stupid question?_

Lily sat down on the seat next to Severus and watched as Clive took the deck and began to shuffle. “Is something the matter?”

“Why do you ask?”

“You seem a little short is all.”

“I have a headache.”

“Oh,” she whispered. Then she stood and climbed on the seat and began rummaging in her truck, revealing an enticing amount of midriff in the process. Severus instantly wished Clive and Urania miles away. The train gave a sudden lurch and Lily swayed, grasping his shoulder to keep from falling. Severus instinctively reached up and grabbed her around her waist. Lily’s eyes snapped down to his hands resting on her bare flesh.

“Sorry,” he muttered, releasing her.

“No problem,” she assured him before turning her attention back to the trunk. A second later she gave a small exclamation of triumph before once again grasping his shoulder and jumping down. “Here, take this.”

He gratefully took the offered bottle from her and swallowed the contents in one gulp.

“I’m sure you’ll feel better soon.” Lily said comfortingly smoothing a hand over his brow.

“Thank you, Lil.”

“Of course, Sev.”

Urania looked at Lily for a long moment before turning her attention to Severus. “How come we can’t call you Sev?”

“Because, only Lily gets to call me that.”

Lily smiled a little apologetically at Urania, “best friend privilege.”

Urania’s only response was to glare at the red head sitting on the opposite seat.

“Oh, Merlin, help me,” Severus groaned under his breath.

Lily stifled a laugh and reached out to give his hand a sympathetic squeeze, causing Urania’s look of hatred to deepen. Severus couldn’t stand the tension for another moment. “I have to go!” He exclaimed jumping to his feet, “and find a loo.”

He quickly slid the door open and exited the compartment, not caring where he was headed really, as long as it was away. He hadn’t gotten very far when he heard a gentle laugh and a voice behind him say, “that wasn’t very subtle, Sev.”

Turning, he looked at her, steadying himself against the wall as the train rounded a curve. “I wasn’t going for subtle.”

“What _were_ you going for then?”

“A quick escape. Those two have been glaring at each other from the moment we left the station. And Urania called Clive a – well, you know – that word you hate. Now she’s angry because I made her apologize and in an effort to keep them from killing one another I made up some stupid game which that – girl is to idiotic to understand. And where the hell have you been for the last million hours?!”

“Wow, you _are_ in a mood.”

“I’m not in a mood. I’m annoyed and frustrated and I told you I was no good with people and you just went off and left me with – with – and forget it!” He turned and started stalking down the aisle.

Lily couldn’t help but laugh and follow him. “So, the first meeting of the Snape club was a disaster then?”

Severus groaned and leaned against the wall. “Don’t joke about that, I can’t handle it right now.”

The look in his eyes was so pathetic Lily felt a surge of sympathy. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so long but Sabrina had a massive fight with Nathaniel and well, it wasn’t pretty. You should be grateful you’re not a prefect.”

“Yes, because it was so much better to sit in a compartment with that spoiled brat.”

“Poor Sev, how can I help?”

“Can you tell her I’m not interested?”

“I’m afraid you have to do that yourself.”

“I can’t. What if she cries or something? I don’t know what to do when girls cry.”

“Nonsense, you were great with me when dad died.”

“I hardly think I can hold her hand and tell her everything will be alright.”

“No, you can’t.” Lily thought for a moment before shaking her head and saying, “don’t worry about it right now, we have weeks to think of something. It can’t be any harder than figuring out how to get you out of you-know-what.”

Severus looked up and down the hall and seeing no one was paying attention to them he opened the door to a toilet and pulled her inside. “Speaking of which, what in the world did you tell Lupin?”

Lily sighed. As long as Severus hadn’t asked her questions she could tell herself she wasn’t really lying to him, but now... “Do you really think this is the place to discuss this?”

“Yes.”

She placed a hand gently on his arm, “Sev.”

“This is my life, Lily. You shared my biggest secret with one of them. Now he’s going to tell Potter, and Potter can’t keep his mouth shut for anything. I might as well hunt up Mulciber and Avery and tell them I’m not joining. I’m sure I’ll be hearing from You-Know-Who shortly afterward. What should I do then? Tell me, do I join or let him do whatever he wants to me?!”

“Remus isn’t going to say anything.”

“How do you know?”

“He promised me he wouldn’t.”

“And you believe that do you?”

“Yes. Remus happens to be my friend and I trust him.”

“I don’t!”

“Well, you should, because you owe our plan to him!” Lily jerked open the door and stalked past a startled fourth year.

Severus hurried after her, barely missing running into the girl, whose eyes widened in shock. “Great,” he muttered knowing it would take no time at all for the whole train to find out Lily Evans and Severus Snape had been rowing in the girl’s loo.

“Lily!” He shouted, running after her. He reached her just as she was about to enter the compartment. He anxiously grabbed her arm, they couldn’t have this discussion in front of Urania. “When did you tell him?”

Lily gazed past him, into the compartment. “At the beginning of the year.”

“Why?”

He sounded so betrayed that a lump involuntarily rose in Lily’s throat. She closed her eye briefly to give herself time to gather her thoughts, something she wouldn’t be able to do if she could see the hurt on his face.  She could hear him shifting restlessly and his grip on her tightened almost imperceptibly. She took a deep breath in and opened her eyes to meet his stare. “I’m sorry, Sev. I didn’t mean to let you down, I swear, but I knew we needed help and I trust Remus.”

“But one of them, you know they hate me.”

“Remus doesn’t hate you, truly. He wants this to work. He’s been nothing but kind to you all year. He even told Potter and Black to lay off. I’ve heard him.”

“And I’ve been there when he’s done nothing, too many times to count.” he was practically choking on his bitterness and he could hear it.

“He made a mistake Severus, the same way you made a mistake!”

“Lily – his best friends, they – you’ve seen what they do! How could you?”

“He’s not them. Why can’t you see that? Why can’t you forgive him and begin again?”

Severus swallowed hard; he didn’t think he had ever denied Lily anything when she had asked for it outright. He nodded slowly; hating that he didn’t have the courage to tell her how much what she had done had hurt him. One of his worst enemies now had valuable information about him. But somehow that meant nothing when he saw a single tear trickle down Lily’s cheek. Slowly he reached out and wiped the glistening drop from her face with his thumb. “Lil, please, please don’t, I hate it when you cry. I swear I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

“I’m not crying because of that.”

“Then why?”

“Because I wish you and Remus could be friends, because I’m sorry I’ve upset you. And…” Lily sniffled, several more tears leaking from her eyes. “I can’t stand it when we row. Just – tell me you forgive me.”

She looked so close to sobbing he could feel his hurt and anger melting away. “You know I forgive you. But, can you please come talk to me before you tell anyone else?”

“Yes. I’m sorry, I should have thought about how my telling someone else would make you feel.”

“Forget it. I shouldn’t be such a baby. Guess I’m not much better than her, am I?” With a slight nod he indicated the girl who was watching the scene unfolding in front of her with unconcealed fascination.

Lily looked at the girl’s reflection in the window opposite her and laughed, “you are infinitely better. The only thing she has going for her is good taste in men.”

Severus turned a pleasing shade of red before sputtering, “Lily.”

“Well, if I can’t say it about my best friend, who can I say it about?”

“Still.”

“Come on, let’s go play exploding snap before somebody comes by and asks me if you’ve called me a wretched name again.”

Severus relaxed instantly; he couldn’t believe they had reached a point where they could joke about what happened by the lake last spring. “Please, you were furious at me. I don’t believe for one minute you cried.”

“I cried like crazy, it’s why I didn’t come out sooner.”

“Really?”

“Really. Listen, if we start down this road I’ll start bawling again and you’ll get all squirmy and we’ll be right back to where we started.”

“Okay, so officially, I was a prat and you never cried a tear.”

“I like that story,” she declared with a laugh, turning to open the door.

Severus reached over her and pushed the door open, “well, I aim to please.”

With a laugh they both entered the compartment and settled down to play an enthusiastic game of cards. Severus spent the entire time making sarcastic little asides only she could hear and constantly tripping people up by changing the rules. So, by the time they exited the train Lily was crying again, but this time because she was laughing so hard. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she walked through the barrier, Severus pushing the trolley containing their trunks behind her.

“Lily, dear, are you alright?” Violet fussed as she bustled up to greet them.

“Yes, mum,” Lily murmured into her mother’s hair as she hugged her. “Sev made up this completely crazy card game on the train, the rules of which seem to change with his slightest whim. I couldn’t help but laugh every time he made up a new one, they were so ridiculous.”

Violet smiled over at the boy standing next to her daughter. “Setting it up so you could win?”

“I wish I could say that was my intention. The truth is, I was trying to keep two younger students from going after one another.”

“Well, apparently you were successful since they don’t appear to be carting anyone away on stretchers. Come on, the car is out here,” Violet proclaimed as she walked swiftly towards the exit.

“Where’s Cris?” Asked Lily, looking around for the man.

“He isn’t home yet.”

“Is Tuney waiting in the car?” Lily wanted to give Severus time to prepare himself for the onslaught if that was the case.

“No, I drove all by myself – first time ever.” Reaching the car she turned and smiled broadly at the two children

“That’s great, Violet,” said Severus as he hefted the trunks into the car.

“My heavens you’ve grown, haven’t you?”

Severus looked down, as if trying to judge if the ground was further away or not. “I don’t think so.”

“You look a good half inch taller and your trousers are a little short.”

“Are they?”

“Yes, well that’s no problem, bring them on Boxing Day and I’ll let them down for you.” Violet slid into the driver’s seat still talking “At least they don’t have to be let out. You’re both skinny as anything, don’t they feed you at that school?”

Lily laughed and climbed into the back seat waiting for Severus to join her before answering. “Yes, mum. We seemed to have an extraordinary amount of sweets as well.”

“I do worry about the two of you. Severus seems to get skinnier every term. Oh well, you’re home for a few weeks that gives us a little time to put some meat on those bones. Lily did tell you about the plans, didn’t she?”

Severus shot a questioning look at Lily.

“Oh, I got sick and completely forgot.”

“Are you feeling better now?”

“I’m perfectly fine. Sev took very good care of me, as always.”

“Of course he did. Now, Severus, we wouldn’t want to step on any family traditions you have.”

Severus just managed to hold back a scoff, the Snapes had no Christmas traditions. In the front seat Violet continued on, “...but Daniel usually did the lights on the tree and I was hoping you wouldn’t mind doing that for us this year.”

He opened his mouth and then quickly shut it again. How was he supposed to tell Violet he didn’t have the slightest idea how to string lights on a tree, that his family had never had a Christmas tree? “Violet, I’ve – I’ll try my best.”

“Good, and of course you’ll come on Boxing Day, May and Cris will be there.”

He got this invitation every year and had always turned it down in the past. Somehow he had continually pictured an amazingly awkward day, filled with the stress of knowing he didn’t really belong.

“Please come, Sev, it’ll be fun. Mum makes loads of food, Roast Beef and Yorkshire pudding and Plum Pudding. I know you like those. Then we exchange presents. It’s like having Christmas all over again.” Lily looked at him pleadingly and he felt his heart sink, he hadn’t been able to afford a gift for anyone but Lily.

“Please, we all want you there.”

“Lily, perhaps Severus’ family does something on Boxing Day. When we first got married, your father and I…”

Violet sounded so wistful all of Severus’ objections instantly disappeared. “No, we don’t do anything. I’d be happy to come.”

“And we’ll have Lily’s birthday party before you go back to school. So that should keep the two of you fairly busy – Now that we have all that settled, tell me about term.”

As Lily began peppering her mother with stories of their doings for the past three and a half months, Severus was racking his brain for what kind of gifts he could get that didn’t involve spending a great deal of money. He still had no ideas when Violet turned onto Spinner’s End. He pulled his trunk from the boot, thanked Violet for the ride and assured her he would be over in two days’ time to help with the tree. He waited until the car had turned around and exited the street before dragging his trunk up the front step and opening the front door.

Surprisingly the first thing that met his eye was a small fir tree on a table in the corner of the sitting room. A single light burned brightly overhead and the house was almost eerily quiet. For a moment Severus wondered if he had walked into the wrong house, but no, the wallpaper was still peeling in the same spot it had been since he was seven. He hefted his trunk up on his shoulder, knowing nothing would annoy his father quite like the sound of him attempting to drag the item up the stairs. He wondered if his parents were in the midst of another reconciliation, though usually that was only slightly less loud than the arguing. Severus was so puzzled by the lack of noise his foot accidentally hit the top stair wrong, causing it to creek loudly. Wincing he paused, hoping the noise didn’t upset the delicate balance of whatever queer thing was happening in the house.

“Severus?” Eileen’s voice called from her bedroom.

“Yes, mum.”

“Come here.”

He was really perplexed now, his mother’s voice sounded almost light and happy. “Just let me put my trunk down,” he called.

Severus entered his room and placed the trunk at the foot of his narrow bed, noting the new comforter that was spread across it, replacing the one he had had for as long as he could remember. What on earth was going on? He threw another quick glance over his shoulder to see if he could spot any other significant changes before crossing the hall to his parent’s room.

He found his mother standing at the foot of the bed, obviously in the middle of putting away laundry. Severus walked to where she was standing, glancing around for his father. Seeing they were alone in the room he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, something he would never do in front of Tobias. “Hello, mum.”

“Hello. Aren’t you getting tall?”

“I suppose,” he replied sitting down on the bed.

“How was term?”

“Good. Where is he?”

“At work.”

Severus nodded and looked around the room. Observing that his parents also had a new coverlet on their bed and there was a new dresser standing in the corner of the room.

“I got you a new spread.”

“I saw.”

“Do you like it? It’s green, perfect colour for my boy.”

“It’s nice. How come you got it?”

“Your old one was so stained with ink it was appalling. I thought maybe we might go buy you a desk this week.”

“What about the money?”

“Your father got a pay rise at work so we’re trying to fix up the house a little. I was thinking of replacing the paper downstairs, but I have to wait until Tobias has time to do it.”

“Oh.” This was strange; all he could figure was his father must have cocked things up on an epic level to have to go to this much effort to get back into his mother’s good books.

“You should get cleaned up, we’ll be having dinner once your father gets home.”

“Together?”

“Yes, Severus.”

“Mum – are you sick or something?”

Eileen looked at him and laughed, a sound that was so rare it was startling. “Why would you ask that?”

“I don’t know. The new things, dinner, the tree, I just – why is he being so nice?”

“He’s stopped drinking.”

“For how long?”

“About three months now.”

That was astonishing news; it might be the longest Tobias had ever been sober in Severus’ life.

“I think he’s going to stick with it this time.”

“Okay. I should go – unpack.” Severus stood and made to leave the room.

He was surprised when Eileen rounded the bed and pressed her hand to his cheek. “It’s good to have you home my sweet half-blood Prince. I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

Severus walked from the room in a daze. Once he reached his room, he closed the door, pressed his back against the plank of wood and closed his eyes. He wondered if it was possible he had fallen asleep at some point and was dreaming all of this. Maybe he was still in bed on the night Lily had told him they couldn’t be friends anymore, perhaps he had cried so much he had lost his mind and was now living in a dream world of his own imagining.

No, that couldn’t possibly be right because he would have never dreamed Daniel’s death or Lucius asking him to recruit Lily. This must be real. His parents were getting along. They had money. They might actually care about what he did, at that thought he turned and swiftly opened the door. “Mum?”

“Yes, Severus.”

“Can I go to Lily’s on Boxing Day?”

There was a pause as Eileen came to the door of her room. “I don’t know. I thought it would be nice if we spent some time together, you, your father and I.”

Apparently there was going to be drawbacks to this new family togetherness. “I said I’d help them, since Daniel’s gone, with their tree and whatnot.”

“And they’re doing that on Boxing Day?”

“No, before, it’s just they have a big party then and well…”

Eileen frowned slightly before answering, “I suppose. Didn’t any of your housemates invite you to anything?”

“No.”

“I thought you were friends with the Malfoy heir.”

“I thought so too,” Severus muttered under his breath.

“What?”

“Nothing. We are. He’s in the middle of planning his wedding so I’m sure they’re keeping it small this year.”

“Who’s he marrying?”

“Narcissa Black.”

“Hmmm,” Eileen murmured. “She’s too old anyway.”

“For what?”

“Nothing – nothing – perhaps we should have your friend to dinner.”

“Lucius?” There was no way Malfoy was ever going to step foot in this neighbourhood.

“No, the girl.”

“Lily?”

“Yes, I think it’s time I meet her.”

Severus swallowed hard, “when?”

“Sometime after Christmas. Perhaps for your birthday dinner.”

“We’re having a birthday dinner?”

“Severus, you’re coming of age this year, surely you didn’t think I’d let that pass without a word, did you?”

He briefly wondered why this birthday should be so different from the last eleven. “No, I suppose not. When are you having it so I can tell Lily?”

“I was thinking the day before you leave to go back to Hogwarts.”

“That’s Lily’s birthday party.”

“I didn’t realize her birthday was so close to yours.”

Severus wanted to ask his mother where she had been for the last seven years because that’s how many of Lily’s birthday parties he had been to. “It’s at the end of the month but since we’re at school her parents throw it for her before we go back, that way her family and friends can help her celebrate.”

“So there will be muggles there?”

“Yes.”

“Severus, I don’t think it’s good for you to have too many muggle friends.”

He opened his mouth to ask why, but knew he would only get a speech about how much better pure-bloods were. This made him wonder for the umpteenth time how in the world his mother had ended up married to his father. “I don’t mum,” reasoning that he wasn’t really lying, his mother didn’t need to know that he hardly had any friends at all.

“Alright, I only want the best for you,” she assured him softly before turning back into the room.

“I know,” he whispered, quietly closing the door. It was tempting to scale down the drainpipe outside his window, go to Lily’s and attempt to figure out if the whole world had gone insane. But he supposed if they really were having family dinners now it most likely wasn’t the best idea to miss the first one of the holidays.

Several hours later, he walked warily downstairs, not sure what to expect. This was the first time the Snapes had eaten dinner together since his gram had died. Everything had changed after Elizabeth Snape’s death; there had been no more Christmas celebrations, no birthday parties, no bedtime stories, no kisses or hugs. His whole life had been an unending drudgery until the day Lily had declared he was her best friend. With that one act she had become his family in spirit if not in name.

Part of Severus deeply resented what was happening with his parents. For years they had ignored him, so wrapped up in their domestic discord they hadn’t cared what he did or where he went. They hadn’t even cared if he had decent clothes to wear or food to eat. Now suddenly they were expected to be some sort of family?

Severus supposed he had to love the irony of it all, because he did want to be part of a family that ate meals together, like the Evanses. But in his imagination that family was always him and Lily and their children, with his mum occasionally dropping by. And here he was, fate was giving him what he wanted, just not in the way he wanted it.

Steeling himself for whatever lay on the other side; he pushed open the door and entered the kitchen. The first thing he saw was Eileen standing at the stove cooking. Tobias was sitting at the table reading the sports section of the paper and the radio played a tune he couldn’t place in the background. It felt disgustingly fake, like one of those shows Lily made him watch, the ones where the mums cleaned house in high heels. Severus felt a sudden urge to bolt. He was frantically racking his brain for a reason to leave when his mother turned from the stove.

“Severus, can you set the table?” Eileen asked going back to stirring whatever was in the pot before her.

He silently laid the dishes and cutlery on the worn wooden tabletop. When he was finished he sat down on one of the mismatched chairs. The only sounds were the bubbling of the meal on the gas, the occasional rustle of the newspaper and the repeated phrase of the song on the radio which was starting to grate on Severus’ nerves. His unease increased with each moment and his hand unconsciously went to his knife, turning it over and over on the table.

“Stop fiddling with that boy!”

Severus whipped his hand away from the knife and looked up in time to see his mother glancing at him sadly from the range. This was excruciating. He pushed away from the table thinking he would go get a book. After all, if Tobias could read at the table why couldn’t he?

“Where are you going, Severus?”

“To get a book.”

“I don’t want you to read at the table.”

He opened his mouth to point out the obvious but couldn’t bring himself to destroy her happiness.

“Here, read the paper. It wouldn’t hurt you to find out what’s going on in the real world, instead whatever nonsense they fill your head with at that poncy school of yours.” Tobias tossed the front section of the paper at him.

Severus looked at his mother to make sure this was acceptable. She nodded and gave him a weak smile. So he picked up the paper and tried to read, though in reality he kept peering around the page to see what his parents were doing. He wondered if this was how they were going to eat, him and Tobias buried behind the paper and his mum doing whatever. But the minute Eileen clicked off the radio and put the dishes on the table; Tobias folded his section of the paper up, and looked pointedly at his son. Severus reluctantly folded up his paper and handed it back to his father. Tobias nodded and dropped it on the floor and then folded his hands and bowed his head. Severus looked at Eileen, who had taken up the same attitude. They were saying grace now? He could feel his father glaring, so he quickly bowed his head, his hands clutched under the table.

Once the words were spoken, his father picked up a dish and piled food onto his plate, then wordlessly passed the dish to his son. Severus took it and put a small amount on his plate, use to not eating much at home. Once all the dishes had made the rounds they began to eat in complete and utter silence. It was maybe the most awkward meal of his life and that included the lunch he had eaten at the Gryffindor table with everyone glaring at him.

He tried to eat slowly, wondering how long this charade could possibly last. Once Tobias’ plate was clean Severus figured he was free to escape. He picked up his plate and moved towards the sink.

“Leave it. It’s your mother’s place to clean.”

Severus looked apologetically at his mother and put the plate and dirty glass back on the table. Then he turned and left the kitchen, grateful the farce was over and he could get away. Half way through dinner he had decided what he _really_ needed was to talk to Lily. Ringing her was clearly not going to be an option so he was going to go crawl out his window and go see her. He’d have to figure out how to sneak back in later.

He was several risers up when his father exited the kitchen. “There’s a match tonight, Manchester and Liverpool.”

Severus froze. This was Tobias’ way of saying he wanted his son’s company, something that was so rare Severus always took advantage of it, after all, it was at least an hour and a half of no arguing and no name calling. It was the closest they generally came to peace in this house. Severus had never said no to that, but he wanted to this time.

Tobias crossed the room and started fiddling with the knobs on the old radio. Once the station came in tune he looked up and snapped. “Are you going to listen standing on the steps?”

“Severus come sit with us,” his mother called softly, coming through the kitchen door.

The tone of her voice was enough to make him acquiesce and walk back down the stairs, settling down on the ragged carpet by her feet. “I didn’t think you liked football, mum.”

“Well, it’s not as good as quidditch but your father’s been explaining the rules and now that I understand the game I find it is quite interesting. I can’t say I understand what’s so important about tonight’s match.”

“Liverpool and Manchester are rivals.”

“Oh, like Slytherin and Gryffindor.”

“Not exactly.”

Severus could tell his mother was about to say something more but the match began and Tobias hushed her. It turned out to be a good couple of hours. The atmosphere was definitely more relaxed then dinner had been. Severus and Tobias both yelled at what they considered miscalls by the referee and shouted victoriously whenever Manchester scored. Every once in a while Eileen would ask a question though when Severus answered she seemed more annoyed than interested. Afterward she made coffee for her and Tobias and poured her son a glass of milk, then they all sat in the sitting room, rehashing the match. At nine o’clock Eileen put a stop to the discussion and stated it was time Severus was in bed, something he found rather ridiculous since he hadn’t gone to bed at nine in years, but it had been a whole night without one harsh word spoken and he wasn’t about to ruin that. So he unfolded himself from his cross-legged position on the floor.

“Good night, mum, father.”

Tobias stood and Severus braced himself, sure nothing good was forthcoming. Shockingly his father pulled out his wallet, and removed several notes, holding them out to his son. “Here, for presents. Go get that girlfriend of yours something nice.”

Eileen looked sharply at her son. Severus tried to will himself not to blush and focused on taking the money. “Lily’s not my girlfriend.”

“No? Well you should get a move on before some other bloke snaps her up. Pretty bird like that won’t stay on the market forever. And you don’t want some other chap shagging her do you?”

Instantly the image of Lily and Potter entwined on a bed came to mind and he had to fight off the desire to be physically ill. “Honestly, she’s just a friend.”

“Just a friend eh?”

“Yes, my best friend.”

Eileen’s breath caught, Severus turned to look at her but was distracted when Tobias laughed. The gleam in his eye caused a shiver to shoot down Severus’ spine.

“Then I guess you don’t care who beds her.”

 _I will not hit him, I will not hit him._ Severus repeated the litany to himself over and over. There was no way he was ever bringing Lily to this house. “If that’s all, I’m tired and want to go to bed.”

“Good night, Severus,” his mother said.

He nodded at her then walked quickly across the room and up the stairs, not slowing until he reached his bedroom. He shut the door behind him and locked it. Then he crossed to the window and pried the sash up. It was late but he was sure Lily would forgive him. He reached a hand out and clasped the drainpipe. He was just easing himself out of the window when he heard the front door open and saw his father’s form exit the house. Severus quickly scrambled back into the room. He could hear his mother asking her husband when he was returning and Tobias replying he would be home after his meeting. Hearing that, Severus sighed and slid the window shut. There was no point in trying to sneak out tonight; he would never be able to get back in.

At the sound of his mother’s footsteps on the stairs he rushed across the room, unlocked the door and shut off the light. Then he threw himself on the bed and wrapped himself in the spread, hoping Eileen would think that he was so worn out he had fallen asleep instantly. Much as Severus had expected, the door opened a minute later. Rather unexpectedly it didn’t immediately close again, instead he felt the bed sag under his mother’s weight. He kept his eyes firmly shut and made sure his breath was slow and steady. It seemed as if Eileen sat there for hours, though he supposed in reality it was only about fifteen minutes. He could actually feel himself starting to drift off when he felt a hand run across his forehead, brushing his hair back. If Severus believed in muggle ghosts then he would have thought it was his gram come to comfort him after a truly trying day.

“I won’t let you throw your life away, not if I can stop it,” Eileen whispered.

He wanted to ask her what that meant but before he could turn over and ask, she had pressed a kiss to his forehead and left the room. Severus rolled over on the bed and stared at the door, his hand pressed to the spot where his mother had kissed him. It took him a long time to finally drift to sleep, still staring at the door and wondering exactly what was going on.

Severus awoke two mornings later with his head already pounding. Yesterday had been as odd as the previous day. He simply couldn’t take it anymore, everything was just too weird, so completely unnormal. As quietly as possible he rummaged in his trunk for a headache potion and some fresh clothes. Having found both he swallowed the potion and climbed into the clothes, he was going to have to skip taking a shower today if he didn’t want to risk being caught. He took his boots up in his hand and crept down the stairs, three steps down, he bent over and took a quick glance over the banister, just to make sure Tobias wasn’t passed out on the sofa. Thankfully the sofa was empty so he tiptoed into the kitchen and hastily scrawled a note to his mother saying he was going Christmas shopping and would be back before dinner. As cautiously as possible he crossed the sitting room and opened the front door, wincing as it gave a loud groan. For a moment he stood frozen, waiting to hear if any noise came from upstairs. Finally sure neither of his parents had woken up and were coming downstairs he slipped through the opening and escaped down the street.

It wasn’t until he had rounded the corner that he dropped down on the curb and began to lace up his boots. He had to see Lily, had to talk with someone and figure out if the whole world had gone crazy or if it was just his parents. When he arrived at Lily’s he was disappointed to see a not a single light was on. Unfortunately he had forgotten his watch and so couldn’t tell what time it was but he did know it was at least an hour past dawn. Severus wondered if he should knock now or wait on the front step until it became obvious someone was awake. The truth was he didn’t want to do either, it was cold and he had forgotten his gloves and scarf and the sky looked suspiciously like it was going to snow. He walked around the side of the house and looked up to see if Lily’s light was on. It wasn’t.

They did have a plan in place in case of emergencies, he didn’t know if this qualified but he was going to do it anyway. He grabbed the ivy that grew on the side of the house and scaled up it resolutely. Once he reached Lily’s window he knocked, trying to be quiet so Petunia wouldn’t hear him. He clearly hadn’t been loud enough because Lily merely rolled over, her eyes still firmly shut. He rapped on the window a little harder. This time Lily’s eyes opened and she looked around, clearly puzzled. He knocked again. Her eyes locked on his and grew wide with alarm. He watched her scramble out of bed and rush to the window.

“Sev, what’s wrong?” She asked as she leaned out the window and helped him crawl into her room.

Once through the window he collapsed on the floor, Lily kneeling at his side. “Has something happened? Are you all right?”

“I’m fine.”

“Then why did you…?” Lily couldn’t figure out why Severus would use the emergency plan if everything was all right. Then a horrific thought crossed her mind.

“Did – did they come to your house?”

“Who?”

“The Death Eaters.”

“What? No. They don’t know where I live,” he replied dismissively.

Lily waited for him to tell her what was going on but no explanation appeared to be imminent. He just sat on her floor shivering and staring at the toes of his boots. She couldn’t remember ever being this puzzled by Severus’ actions and that was saying something given some of the things he had done over the last six months. All she knew was he looked confused, disconnected and cold. Not knowing what else to do at that exact moment, she crossed to her bed and pulled the comforter from it. Turning back she saw he was looking at her, his black eyes filled with some emotion she had never seen before. She crossed back to him and sat down by his side and wrapping the comforter around them both.

“Are you ready to tell me what’s going on?”

“I think that – My parents they’re – I don’t know what’s happening.” Severus shook his head in obvious confusion.

“Have they split up or something?”

“No, that I would understand, but this. It’s as if they’ve both gone mad.”

Lily felt her heart stop. Things must be really bad if Severus thought both his parents had gone around the twist at the same time. “I think you need to start at the beginning.”

Severus took a deep breath and started telling Lily about the last day and a half. How the Snapes had eaten every meal together, sat in the sitting room and listened to the radio. How yesterday his parents had taken him to buy a desk and shoes, real shoes, just for him. He told her how his parents hadn’t argued once, they were actually being nice to one another. They had asked him about school, and wanted him to invite Lily to come to dinner. They even had a Christmas tree and had spent last night decorating it.

With each sentence Lily could feel her confusion increasing. Why was Severus so upset? It sounded to her like his family was being perfectly normal, was acting the way every family did. Then Lily felt a revelation sweep over her. Severus’ life had been so – so peculiar that he didn’t recognize normalcy when it was staring him in the face.

“Oh my God.” she gasped unintentionally, pressing her hand to her mouth.

“I know, it’s completely crazy. I – I don’t know what to do. I feel like everything’s gone insane. Tell me what I’m meant to do.”

“Sev, this is how parents are supposed to act.”

He looked at her, so clearly bewildered she couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. “Not my parents. They aren’t like Violet and Daniel they don’t…”

“Don’t what?”

“Nothing.”

“Tell me.”

He shook his head, his hair tangling across his face. Lily reached out and gently brushed it away before turning his face towards her. “Tell me.”

“My parents don’t – I don’t think they – they don’t love each other, Lily, not the way your parents do. Not the way…” He swallowed, knowing he had just come dangerously close to telling Lily how very much he wanted to marry her and be a family someday.

“Not the way what?”

“Not the way movie parents do.”

Lily let out a little laugh, “Sev, nobody’s parents are the way movie parents are.”

“Yours are,” Severus declared bit of jealousy flitting through his eyes.

“No, they aren’t, I have nice, normal parents. Maybe that’s what your parents are doing. Maybe they’re trying to give you a normal childhood.”

Severus snorted in disgust “A little late aren’t they?”

“It’s better than never. Sev, don’t overthink this, try to look at it as a good thing.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“It won’t last, Lily. It never does and this time when it falls apart…” His voice got softer with each word until it faded away completely. Lily reached out and took his hand in hers, startled at how cold it was. She wanted to speak but didn’t know what to say she was so far out of her depth.

After several long moments, during which his eyes seemed permanently glued to a large flower on her comforter he finally spoke in a choked whisper, “it’s going to be a disaster.”


	20. The Night Before Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There are descriptions of child abuse in this chapter. Please be aware before reading.

By the time Christmas arrived Severus had almost adjusted to the surreal turn his life had taken, though he couldn’t quite shake the feeling he was perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop. Escaping the house had become nigh unto impossible, it seemed his parents, especially his mother, were watching him like hawks. He couldn’t help but think, somewhat yearningly, of all the times he had disappeared and they hadn’t noticed; now he couldn’t even go outside for a breath of fresh air without being asked where he was going and when he was coming back. He was really starting to wish he had just stayed at school, since he hadn’t been able to see Lily more than once it hardly would have mattered if he hadn’t come home.

On the other hand, that day had been exceptionally good. After he and Lily had finished talking, he had climbed back out of her window, despite Lily’s protests he didn’t need to. He had then hurried to the front door and knocked, waiting for her to come down and open it. She had pulled him into the house with a laugh, telling him that he was crazy and he could have just walked down the stairs like a normal person. But Severus didn’t want Violet to know he had climbed in Lily’s window, just in case he ever had to do it again. After an absolutely gargantuan breakfast he, Lily, Violet and Petunia piled into the car and drove to the tree lot. He literally lost count how many trees he held while the three women examined each one minutely for flaws. Having finally bought the very first tree they looked at, they drove home, Violet, Lily and Petunia singing carols at the top of their voices.

When they reached the Evans’ house, Severus discovered part of his job was carrying the tree inside and setting it up in the stand, a task that sounded easy, until he actually attempted it. Apparently setting a tree in the stand was an act that required sawing limbs, and repeatedly trying to thrust the tree in a metal contraption. Once that was done, the Evans women stood in front of the tree constantly telling him to adjust it to the right or left or turn it clockwise or a myriad of other instructions that were just mind boggling. Adding to the confusion was the fact that it took him several directions to figure out that when they said left what they really meant was right and vice versa. When the tree had at last been positioned to their specifications Violet declared they would have lunch while the tree rested. Severus had less than no idea what that meant but figured at some point he would be able to ask, once Petunia was gone and couldn’t hear and pick on him for not knowing something that should have apparently been obvious. He never got the chance, because for once Petunia wasn’t fleeing at the mere sight of him.

After lunch, Violet and Petunia said they were going to the market to shop for Christmas dinner and Lily declared she was going to take a nap. Before leaving, Violet had thrust a huge box at him and asked him to put the lights on the tree while she was gone. Severus figured it was time to come clean about not knowing what he was doing, but Violet had breezed out before he had gotten the chance. Severus reluctantly opened the box and was met by the sight of a tangle of green cords and miniature coloured light bulbs. He gingerly pulled at one of the strands, though the only thing that accomplished was to snarl them more. Sighing he gave it up as a lost cause and went to wake Lily and beg for help. She seemed startled by the information that the Snapes had gotten their first tree in memory this year and there were no lights on it. Thankfully she didn’t say much on the subject before graciously agreeing to come downstairs and help. They spent a good hour laughing and untangling the lights while carols played softly in the background. By the time Violet and Petunia returned he was stringing the last of the lights on the tree while Lily sat on the sofa and offered tips.

After all the marketing had been brought in and put away, Violet carried two large tattered boxes into the lounge and set them on the floor near the tree. All three of women stood looking at the boxes with tears in their eyes. Lily had taken Severus’ hand in hers, ignoring the dirty look her sister gave them. Eventually Violet had wiped her tears away and began removing ornaments from the boxes. Each one seemed to have a story, some about Violet or Daniel, and some about one of the girls. Her daughters seemed to only half listen, unless the story particularly interested them but Severus listened intently to each one. It hadn’t been like this when he and his parents had decorated their tree with the green and silver glass balls his mother had bought. Violet finally declared the tree was finished even though there was a gold box that remained unopened. Severus wondered why they didn’t hang those as well but assumed these decorations were special to Violet and Daniel and she couldn’t bring herself to hang them this year.

After a mug of hot chocolate Severus had begged Lily to go Christmas shopping with him, since he didn’t have the slightest idea what to get May or Violet. Lily happily agreed and Violet chauffeured them to the shops, feeling it was too far away for them to walk and not keen on the teenagers taking the bus given the fact there had lately been several robberies at some of the stops. Violet left them outside a favourite shop and told them she would be back in three hours to collect them so they wouldn’t be late for dinner. It had taken some time but Severus finally settled on presents for everyone, even going so far as to buy a small porcelain box for Petunia. Lily had gone off on her own for a half hour, to give them time to buy one another a gift she said, leaving before he could once again protest he wanted nothing else from her this year. He had immediately gone to the book shop and bought the rather expensive art book he had seen her eyeing over the summer. It now lay, wrapped to precision in the green and red paper she had talked him into buying, in his trunk with his other gifts. What wasn’t in the trunk was the gift he really wanted to give her, that had been bought years before and currently lay in his secret hiding spot under a loose floor board.

During Christmas holidays of their third year Lily had invited Severus to go shopping with her and he had gone, happy to be her carryall if it meant spending an afternoon alone with her. They were passing an old, run-down shop when she had stopped abruptly and gazed transfixed at the cameo on display in the window. It seemed to Severus they stood looking at the piece of carved shell for hours. Finally she had turned to him and told him, even though cameos where considered old-fashioned she loved them and had always wanted one. After that, every day she drug him to the shop to look at the piece in the window.

Then, Christmas Eve, Tobias had come home, more than a little intoxicated and thrust a wad of money into his son’s hand. Severus always wondered if his father had realized he had given him twenty pound notes instead of the usual fivers. Normally, Severus would have given them back or at least taken them to his mother but this time he took it as a gift from the heavens and raced downtown to the shop. He breathlessly had told the shopkeeper he wanted to purchase the cameo. The old man had looked a little doubtful; apparently sceptical such a young, ragged boy would have the funds for such an item. Severus had thrust the money on the counter, stating he hoped it was enough as his mother was quite ill and had particularly wanted that cameo. The man’s blue eyes had filled and he had quickly removed the necklace from the case and wrapped it. With a smile he handed the box and a tenner back to Severus and wished the boy and his mother a happy Christmas.

Severus had slept many nights with the box under his pillow, dreaming of the look on Lily’s face when he gave her the much-coveted gift. Then, at the last moment, he had lost his nerve, so instead he had brewed her a complicated potion and the cameo lay hidden. Severus had few Christmas traditions but pulling out the black velvet box and debating whether or not to this was the year give it to Lily was one of them.

The other tradition also involved someone he loved. Glancing at the clock, he saw that it was almost time; every year at precisely ten o’clock he did the same thing. With only two minutes to go he crossed to the door and locked it. This was his time and he wanted no interruptions. He silently pried up the loose floorboard next to his bed. His hand quickly found what he was searching for and he pulled the jar containing his gram’s remains from its hiding spot, He gently placed them on his bed and looked reverently up at them. Normally he would prop her picture against the clear glass, but somehow he had misplaced it the last day of term. Severus fervently prayed he had dropped the photo on the floor in the dorm, because the idea that his gram’s picture was lost to him forever was devastating.

“I’m sorry, gram. I didn’t mean to loose it.” He spoke in a quiet whisper, so his parents wouldn’t hear if they happened to go by.

“Everything is so queer here. Mum and father they’re being – well odd. Lily’s well. I still love her more than anything in the world, but I suppose you know that. You must know everything now. I’ve been thinking, if you know everything, are you disappointed in me? I know Lily was for a little while – maybe a long while, and you’re so much alike I can’t help but think you must be disappointed too. I hate the idea you wouldn’t be proud of me.

“It all seemed so simple in the beginning. I just wanted to be someone better, someone great and respected; someone people wouldn’t pick on. I didn’t think it through all the way I guess, because I don’t hate muggles, gram. That would mean hating you and I could never do that. Does it make it better, the fact that I am trying to change? Or am I wicked because I still want those things? I’m trying not to, but somehow I can’t seem to help myself. I wish I could be good, like you. But I have such horrid thoughts.

“All those people who hurt me, I can’t forgive them. Especially Potter, I hate him so much for wanting Lily. I know I’m jealous. The way she looks at him sometimes. I can’t stand it. Every time I see it I wish she would look at me like that, like she wanted me to kiss her. What if she doesn’t pick me, gram? I don’t think I can live without her, she’s my whole life.

“I wish you were here, then maybe it wouldn’t be like this, maybe _I_ wouldn’t be like this. I’ve never told you before, but I heard, that day you were talking to your barrister. I know you wanted to take me away, raise me yourself. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like, living with you. I know you would say it does no good to dwell on it and you would be right – but still.

“Do you even hear me, gram? Or do angels have better things to do? If you can hear me, then please watch over Lily for me. Keep her safe. That’s all I really want – no, that’s not really true. I want – I want us to be a family, a real family. I promise you, I will love her forever and when we have children I’ll be a good father. I’ll never yell, or call names or lay a finger on them and they would never want for a single thing. I will love and protect them all, always. Just give me this one thing and I swear I will never ask for anything else. Please gram, please.”

Severus reached up and ran his hand lovingly down the side of the jar. “I miss you so much.”

He knew he was dangerously close to crying and as there had been talk of going to church at midnight he didn’t think it would do to be so obviously upset. So he picked up the glass and whispered, “Happy Christmas, gram,” before carefully putting it back in the space.

His hand rummaged among the treasured items until it lit on a circular box. He pulled the faded blue object out and released the catch, revealing a diamond set in a platinum band. It had been Elizabeth’s, bought back in the days when the Snapes had money to spare. His grandmother had given it to him the last time he had seen her, telling him to keep it safe and give it to the woman he married one day. He understood now, as he hadn’t at the time, that Elizabeth had known she was dying. That was why nothing had ever been said about him going to live with her. One day he was going to ask Lily to be his and slide this ring onto her finger. With a sigh he closed the box and put it back, careful not to wrinkle the wrapping in the corner of the opening. His hand was reaching for the velvet box when he heard a shout echo up from downstairs.

The other shoe had dropped, the peace was over and he felt oddly relieved. This he understood, this he knew how to deal with. Years of practice had given him the ability to tune out whatever was going on with parents and immerse himself in what he was doing. So he ignored the shouting and contemplated the box in his hand, was this the year to give her the cameo or not? As he thought, his finger lightly traced the delicate carving. It seemed to be the right time. After all, could there be a better way to tell her he was unendingly grateful for his second chance then by giving her the long desired cameo?

He had almost made up his mind to give it to her when the sound of shattering glass ripped through his reverie. This was no ordinary argument. Severus tossed the box onto a pile of notes Lily had written him over the years and thrust the plank back into its rightful spot. Then he tore open the door and raced down the stairs. He could hear Eileen crying before he ever even entered the kitchen.

He cautiously pushed the door open a crack and peered into the room. Tobias was standing by the backdoor, face purple with rage. Where his mother was Severus couldn’t see. The kitchen was filled with an ominous silence and he knew whatever was going on was bad. He debated whether or not to enter the room since there were times when his presence only seemed to make things worse. The tension continued to build, but the yelling had stopped, so he decided to let them have it out.

He had begun slowly easing the door closed when he heard a wince and his father say coldly, “just couldn’t leave well enough alone could you? Stupid bint you deserve what you get.”

That was all Severus needed to hear, he swung open the door and walked into the kitchen. Eileen was kneeling on the floor, picking up pieces of broken glass, blood running down her hands and onto the dingy tiled floor. “Mum, your hand!” he exclaimed dropping down next to her.

“Leave her, boy!”

Severus ignored his father and reached to take the glass from his mother’s hands. “Here, I’ll get it.”

She seemed reluctant but handed the shards to him before rising, crossing to the sink and turning on the water. Severus continued to kneel on the floor and pick up the glass, all the while watching his parents covertly from behind his lowered lashes.

“How long, Tobias?” whispered Eileen.

“How is that any of your business?”

“I’m your wife! I gave birth to your son, in case you’d forgotten!”

“Don’t even know if the brat’s mine.”

Severus’ head shot up, he hadn’t known there was any question about his paternity.

“Who knows how many men you got your kit off for. Kid could be anyone’s.”

“He’s yours and you know it.”

“Couldn’t tell by looking at him. Ask me he looks like the bastard’s. Is that what you did Eileen? Huh? Did you get sprogged up with his kid and try to pass it off as mine?”

“You disgusting wanker! How dare you disparage me?! You are nothing! I’m…” Eileen stopped abruptly as Tobias crossed the room and grabbed her by the arm.

“I’m nothing!? And what are you? A useless, stupid whore! You’re no wife to me!” Tobias raised his hand.

Severus jumped to his feet, throwing the glass to the floor. “Don’t touch her!”

Both of his parents turned to look at him, apparently startled he was still there. It was all he needed, he raced to his mother’s side.

“Severus.” she whispered warningly.

But Eileen was too late. Severus could see the anger growing in Tobias’ eyes. “This is none of your business! Get the hell out of here!”

He stood, prepared to defend his mother but he already knew he had no chance, Tobias was at least twice as big as he was. A large hand closed around his upper arm and pulled him away from Eileen. Severus turned, his hands curled into fists by his side. Tobias eyed him dangerously, self-preservation made Severus want to run but he wouldn’t leave his mother when Tobias was in this state, heaven only knew what would happen.

“I told you to go, boy.” Tobias’ voice had taken on the same cold, calculated tone Severus’ did when he was angry.

Tobias began advancing slowly towards his son. Severus knew there was no question of Eileen being in danger now; he was the one about to bear the full brunt of his father’s anger. Everything in his gut told him to run, but his feet seemed glued to the dirty black and white tile.

“Tobias, leave him! It’s me you’re angry with!”

“The boy needs to learn some respect, like his mother.”

Eileen rapidly crossed the room grabbing her husband by the arm. “Tobias!”

Instantly her husband turned, backhanding her across the face and Eileen fell into the pool of her own blood on the floor.

“Mum!” Severus shouted, shoving his father aside in an effort to reach the prostrate form on the floor.

Straight away Severus knew he had made a mistake. The next thing he felt was a rush of pain as his face hit the kitchen table. Blood began to pour from his nose, draining down the back of his throat. He gagged and tried to spit the blood out. A boot connected with his back and Severus knew he was in real trouble. He frantically crawled under the table, hoping to be able to escape the worst of the beating. Another kick caused him to double over in pain. There was nothing else to be done, so he instinctively curled up in a ball, trying to protect the most vulnerable parts of his body. His mind began to drift and he barely noticed the next few blows. He could see himself, lying with Lily in the spot, gazing up at the stars on a far distant summer’s evening. If he could just hold onto this then he might be able to make it. The kicking seemed to last forever and then he heard the indistinct sounds of shouting. Suddenly the impacts stopped and he felt wave after wave of nausea surge over him.

He could hear his mother screaming and wondered if Tobias was now hitting her. Quickly he uncurled himself and looked towards the sound of the shouting. He was met with the sight of Eileen pushing Tobias out the back door. The man seemed to be going quietly enough, Tobias’ rages never seemed to last long, though they were so frequent it hardly mattered.

Severus began to gingerly crawl out from under the table, desperately fighting back the urge to be sick all over the kitchen floor, there was no way he could clean that mess up tonight. He knew he had to be a sight. Tentatively, he raised his hand to his eye, testing to see how bad it was. The blood was still running from his nose and he contemplated trying to get to the stove and pull the dishtowel from the handle, but his back hurt and he was certain if he moved then his fight not to vomit would be lost.

Out in the back garden his parents were back to screaming at each other. Normally they would never yell like that where others might overhear them, but they were beyond caring who heard them, just as he was beyond caring about much of anything. He wrapped his left arm around his back, trying to ascertain just how swollen and bruised it was but the pressure was agonizing. Severus supposed he should have known better than to try and stop his father from going after his mother. He really didn’t think he had ever been this bad after Tobias was done with him. The shouting had stopped outside and the door opened. He tried to look at who had come through the door so he’d know if he should crawl back under the table but his right eye was swollen shut.

“What were you thinking, Severus?”

“Mum?”

“Who else do you think it would be?” She snapped dismissively. “Of all the stupid things to do! Do you have no intelligence?”

He wanted to protest, tell her he was only trying to help her but she continued before he could get so much as a syllable out. “Look at what you’ve done, Severus! Look!” She grabbed his chin and turned his face until his non-swollen eye saw the bruise rising on her cheek.

He wanted to laugh. Her! Look at him. She roughly jerked her hand away. “This is all your fault – Get out!”

“Mum.” He couldn’t move, and was even tempted to sleep right here, rolled up under the table.

“Get out! Now!”

He could feel his own temper rising. After all he had done! The adrenaline rushed back through him as he scrambled to his feet, hands shaking.

Eileen was glaring at him “Don’t you dare come back tonight.”

He knew that meant, like his father, he was being thrown out for the night. With a huff he stormed from the kitchen, leaving a trail of blood behind him. He grabbed a jacket from the stand and slammed the door behind him as he exited the house. Raw fury carried him all the way down the street. His heart began to gradually slow and he felt the cold night air surround and cool him. Nausea rushed up to claim him again and this time he couldn’t stop it. Pivoting quickly, he threw up into the scraggly bush.

Not knowing what else to do, Severus turned the corner and made his way down the street, trying to staunch the blood flowing from his nose with his shirt sleeve. He aimlessly wandered towards the play park, thinking he would sit on one of the swings until he was sure his mother had gone to sleep and he could sneak back into the house. When he got to the park he found any desire to sit was gone, it was just too cold to not keep moving. So he kept walking, looking at the decorations on the houses as he passed.

Severus looked in the windows at the happy families gathered around trees and dinner tables. He hated them, hated all those people for being happy when he was miserable. Hated Tobias for ruining yet another Christmas. He was even angry with his mother for yelling at him instead of appreciating that he had tried to stand up for her. He wondered if he was the only person his age who hated Christmas. What was there to enjoy? He knew there would be no peace in his house this year, the cycle had started again and now there would be no escape from his parent’s arguing or the drudgery of Spinner’s End. The only escape was this, wandering the streets with no hat, no scarf, no gloves, freezing cold, body aching. Severus petulantly kicked at a fallen piece of greenery and instantly regretted it. His back throbbed and he fought not to be sick again.

With a start he realized his meanderings had led him to the Evans’ house. He gazed wistfully at the lounge windows, hoping Lily was having a better night than he was. Heaving a deep sigh he turned away, determined to wander his own neighbourhood, where people didn’t have the money for showy displays of happiness. Just then he heard the front door open. He spun around quickly, hoping to have a glimpse of his beloved Lily. It was the only thing he could think of that would make the night bearable. But it wasn’t Lily that staggered out of the door holding a large box.

Severus crossed the road as swiftly as he was able and grabbed the box from Violet, his back protesting loudly. “Let me get that for you.”

“Severus, is that you?”

“Yes.”

“What are you doing here?” Violet tried to get a good look at him, but he dodged her glance, hiding in the shadows cast by the house and box.

“I just fancied a walk and ended up here without thinking about it.”

“In this weather? Well, I suppose it’s lucky for me you were here. I was going to try and hang these wreaths before the girls got home from church.”

So much for getting a quick look at Lily. “You didn’t want to go with them?”

“Not this year.” Her voice choked a little but then she bravely carried on “Maybe you could help me. That is if you don’t have to be home right away. And if you stay until the girls get home Petunia could drive you and save you the walk. It really is much too cold to be wandering around outside.”

Severus wanted to stay but he knew it was only a matter of time before Violet got a good look at him and there was no way to hide his battered eye.

“I could make you some choco…Severus what on Earth happened to you?”

He winced, it appeared Violet had finally seen the state he was in. “Oh – I – I slipped and fell – hit my head – stupid really. I’m fine, truly.”

Violet took the box from his arms and eyed him critically. It was dark so he wasn’t sure how much she could see. Apparently it was enough because she briskly stated “Nonsense, you’re practically covered in blood. You get inside right this moment so we can get you cleaned up.”

She ushered him through the front door, the wreaths lying forgotten in the garden. “Go in the kitchen and wait for me.”

Severus watched as Violet hurried up the stairs, muttering to herself. He wondered if he should do as she said or just leave. He stood in the entrance, hovering on the brink of indecision. He had almost made up his mind to leave the comforting warmth of the house when Violet bustled back down the stairs, her arms once again full.

“Come with me,” she said gently.

Severus nodded, causing his nose to throb and a drop of blood to fall on the carpet.

“I’m sorry, Violet.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

He wanted to ask for a rag to clean it up but she had entered the kitchen. Kneeling down, he scrubbed at the spot with the sleeve of his shirt. “Severus – leave it. I’ll clean it later.”

He hadn’t heard her come back out. Slowly he looked back up at her.

“Come on,” she urged gently.

He followed her through the swinging door, for once not glad to be entering the usually cheery kitchen. Violet pointed at a bundle of clothes on the table. “Change into these and I’ll wash your things for you.

“My clothes are fine,” he protested.

“No, your jacket and trousers are covered in blood. I can’t let you go out like that and if I don’t wash them soon then the blood will set and your things will be ruined.”

Severus looked down at his clothes, hearing a soft plop as another drop of blood fell from his nose. Cris had given him this particular set of clothes, they were the nicest things he owned and were undoubtedly expensive. He hesitantly shrugged out of the coat, surprised Violet said nothing at the quantity of blood on the front of the blue shirt. She merely held out her hand for the jacket.

“Now the shirt and trousers.”

Severus could feel the balls of his feet grow warm. He couldn’t change in front of Violet, couldn’t let her see his back.

Clearly she misinterpreted his reluctance, “Severus, I’m a mother, I can assure you, I have seen it all before.”

Slowly he began to unbutton the shirt, maybe if he could just keep his back out of sight it would be alright. Several buttons down Violet looked at him and muttered, “vest.”

After she had left the room, Severus shed his trousers and grabbed the fresh pair from the table. He thought that most of the bruising was far enough down they would hide it. He just hoped she wasn’t going to try to make him change his pants. Since he didn’t see any, he figured he was in the clear. He had slid the trousers on and fastened them before she returned, but from the small gasp that escaped Violet when she returned to the room he knew either the bruising was higher than he thought or worse than he had imagined.

He waited for her to ask what had happened but she simply handed him the white cotton garment. “Here, put this on and take this,” she said giving him a small, white pill.

He took it from her, swallowed it down and then pulled the shirt on over his head. His back screamed in pain and when the neckband passed over his nose he could feel his eyes start to water.

“Alright, sit down and let me have a look at you.”

He sat in the chair she offered, a little apprehensive about what was going to happen next.

“First thing’s first.” Violet crossed to the sink and held a faded red washcloth under the tap. Then she returned to the table and gently took his chin in her hand, turning his face upward and began to delicately wipe the blood from his face. “Do you think your nose is broken?”

“No.”

“You’re certain?”

“Fairly.”

She looked a little doubtful. So hesitantly he whispered, “there’d be a lot more blood if it was.”

“I’m afraid it will be rather swollen in the morning.”

“That’s okay.”

“And I think it likely you’ll have a black eye.”

He shrugged. It was hardly the first black eye he had ever had.

“There’s not much we can do but put some ice on it.”

“I don’t need it. I’ve been outside in the cold since it happened.”

She frowned, “still.”

Violet went to the freezer and dug around, emerging a moment later with a bag of frozen peas in her hand. She wrapped it in a towel and handed it to him, looking pointedly at his eye. With a sigh he took it and pressed the bag to his face. He watched out of his uncovered eye as she sat down in the seat opposite him.

“Severus, you didn’t really fall, did you?” she asked, looking at him intently.

He couldn’t look at her, couldn’t stand to see her pity so he tore his eyes away and looked fixedly at the fleck of blood on his left hand. “Yes, I did.”

“Severus,” Violet whispered reproachfully.

He knew she didn’t believe him, knew that Violet had most likely figured out his father hit him. Yet some deeply ingrained part of him wouldn’t allow him to confirm her suspicions. Better she think he was some sort of imbecile who couldn’t walk than for her to know he was a weakling that allowed himself to be beaten.

“I think you should stay here tonight. It’s late and I don’t think it’s a wise idea for you to be walking around in this state.”

Severus looked up quickly, ready to protest, and to see a face filled with the much hated pity. Instead the bright green eyes that met his were filled with understanding and compassion and behind that was a smouldering rage, though for once he knew that rage wasn’t directed at him.

“Why don’t I phone your parents and let them know you’re sleeping here tonight?”

Severus panicked. She couldn’t call his house. “No! You can’t. Our phone – it – it isn’t working. They haven’t come to fix it yet.” Merlin how he hated all this, all the lies and subterfuge, just once he wanted to tell the truth. “They – they won’t be looking for me tonight anyway,” he muttered.

He hadn’t thought she had heard that last bit, but clearly he was mistaken because she said, “if that’s the case, how about I make you a nice cup of chocolate, then you can go upstairs and get some sleep. Tomorrow I’ll take you home myself.”

This was getting worse and worse. There weren’t words for how much he wanted to stay and just once be part of the happy celebrations he saw in other people’s windows. It was a hopeless dream, he couldn’t stay, letting Violet take him home tomorrow could only end badly. “Thank you, Violet, but I…”

“Shh,” she shushed him as she rose from the chair. “I won’t say anything to them. Alright?”

He could feel himself weakening and hated it. He wanted to believe this wasn’t pity. And if he didn’t stay then who knew what he would do. The idea of walking until all hours and hoping his mother didn’t lock the door with the bolt that neither he nor his father had a key for was not even the tiniest bit appealing. Conflict swirled inside him.

“Severus, stay. Stay for Lily. So she knows you’re okay.”

That was it, he was sunk. “Alright, I’ll stay,” he croaked.

“Good.” She started to walk towards the stove, then abruptly turned and stooped down to give him a hug, her hands gentle on his back. “You know you’re always safe here,” whispered Violet, before standing and placing a swift kiss on the top of his head.

“I know,” he answered gruffly.

Soon Violet was bustling around the kitchen, preparing chocolate at the stove. As he watched her Severus couldn’t help but wish, not for the first time, that Eileen was like Violet. That she would take care of him after a fight with Tobias, be the one to comfort him and tell him he was safe, even if it wasn’t true. It was a foolish thought, his mother just wasn’t that way. She showed her love by trying to toughen him up, by telling him what a distinguished line of witches and wizards he came from. He knew his mum was trying, doing the best she could but what he really wanted was this.

He and Violet drank the chocolate in silence. When his mug was empty, she smiled at him sweetly; a smile so like Lily’s his heart ached. “Let’s see if I can find you a pair of Daniel’s old pyjamas.”

“Violet, please don’t, I’d feel guilty about wearing Daniel’s things.”

She reached up and pressed her hand to his left cheek, “he would want you to have them.”

He followed her up the stairs and stood in the doorway of the bedroom while Violet rummaged through a dresser nicer than anything his family possessed. The room smelled faintly of vanilla and he could feel a lump growing in his throat, and swallowed hard. Of course other women would wear that scent, it couldn’t be just his gram. Violet turned, a pair of maroon pyjamas in her hand.

“Here you are.”

“Thank you, Violet.”

“Of course. Good night, Severus and Happy Christmas.”

“Happy Christmas to you,” he replied before slipping into the guestroom.

Violet waited until the door had closed behind him and then walked wearily down the stairs and into the kitchen. She sank into the seat she had left only moments ago and looked across to her husband’s vacant spot. She wished more than ever Daniel was here, he would know what to do for the boy upstairs. But if Daniel was alive they would have gone to church with the girls and there would have been no one here to take care of Severus.

It was going to take an enormous amount of will power on her part not to scream at the Snapes in the morning. She didn’t know which of them she was angrier with, the father for hitting his son or the mother for allowing it to happen.

Violet felt tears rolling down her cheeks. She had to figure out some way to protect him, to keep him from harm. If only there was some way to get him out of that house for good. She remembered the return drive from London in September and what Crispin had told her about Severus. Like her, Crispin thought Severus was abused, in large part due to a bruise he had seen on the boy’s upper arm the week of the funeral. Violet had been proud when Cris had told her he had deliberately bought new clothes so he could give Severus his old ones without the boy feeling like it was charity. 

Crispin had also asked her if she thought Severus would come if Crispin asked him to visit over the holidays. Violet had been unsure but told him to ask, after all the worse that could happen was that Severus would say no. That had been the plan until the Halls had arrived home full of schemes for a grand holiday house party. Cris had decided Severus was likely to be uncomfortable and so hadn’t asked him to stay but perhaps she should phone him in the morning and see if he would be willing to have Severus come to stay a for a few weeks during the summer holidays.

The sound of a car pulling up caused Violet to brush the tears from her face. The first thing she was going to have to do was impress on Petunia how important it was to be sensitive to Severus’ plight. The front door opened and she heard the two girls come in.

“Mum!” Lily called anxiously voice down the hall.

Violet immediately remembered the spot of blood on the hall carpet. She rose from the table and walked through the door. Right away Lily rushed to her, while Petunia stood unmoving just inside the door, seemingly immobilized by the dark red stain on the tan carpet.

“Are you alright, mum?”

“I’m fine, dear.”

“But the blood!” Lily’s eyes were already frightened. Telling her daughter what had happened to her best friend would not be easy.

“I want you girls to listen to me carefully. Severus has had an accident.”

“Sev?!” Lily turned away from her mother and headed back towards the front door.

Violet reached out and grasped her daughter’s hand. “He’s upstairs in the guestroom. He doesn’t want to talk about what happened and you both need to respect that. Understood?”

“Yes,” Lily whispered “Is he alright?”

“He looks a mess but I think he’ll be fine after some rest.”

Lily nodded her head, broke away from her mother and raced up stairs. There was no doubt in Violet’s mind where she was going. And perhaps Lily was what Severus needed right now.

Looking at her other daughter Violet saw she was still standing motionless in the hall. “Petunia, were you listening to me?”

Petunia’s eyes had gone dark at the mention of Severus’ name and were now filled with unconcealed fury. “Yes, mother. Tell me, how many more private family moments is that – that boy going to intrude on?” Biting off the question she walked in the direction of the stairs.

“Petunia Irene Evans, get back here right this instant!”

Violet didn’t often raise her voice to one of her children so when she did they obeyed. Petunia turned slowly, knowing she had angered her mother. Violet’s eyes snapped and raising one finger she pointed to the lounge.  Petunia petulantly drug herself into the room, her mother marching behind her.

 “I have put up with this nonsense long enough! I know you don’t like Severus, though heaven only knows why.”

Petunia opened her mouth in preparation to tell her mother everything that was wrong with the freak her sister seemed so enamoured of but before she got a single word out, her mother held up a hand.

“I don’t want to hear it. Whatever your reasons for disliking Severus the fact is, that boy is hurt and he is a guest in this house. _My_ guest and you will treat him with the proper regard and civility. You will be the lady I have raised you to be and put aside any personal prejudices you may have against him as long as he is under this roof. Do you understand me?”

“Yes.”

“Good. You may go upstairs and go to bed.”

“And Lily?”

“Lily is my concern.”

“They’ve slept together. Under your roof.”

Violet sighed; she was weary of her daughter’s hatred for the boy. “Petunia, things are not always what they seem to be.”

“They love one another.”

“I know that, but they’re not doing anything inappropriate. Even if they were, you are _not_ Lily’s mother and it is not your place to interfere.”

“None of you will be happy until that – that impoverished freak is a part of this family!”

“Petunia! Enough! I will hear no more about this. If you can think of nothing nice to say about Severus you will refrain from saying anything at all. You still live in this house and therefore you still live by my rules are we clear?”

“Perfectly.”

“Then go to bed and I expect you to act amicably in the morning.”

Petunia left the room with a huff. Violet could hear her thunder her way up the stairs and slam the door to her room. Thankfully the pain pill she had given Severus should ensure he sleep through her elder daughter’s tantrum.

In the guestroom, Lily listened to her sister storm by. It seemed whole house shook when Petunia slammed her door. Lily couldn’t take her eyes off of the boy in the opposite bed. Even though she had not turned on the light, she could see his nose was swollen and there was a large ring of black around his right eye. She was glad he was asleep, that way he didn’t have to see the tears streaming down her face for him. Lily knew he would hate that she was crying for him, she could only hope her tears would be gone by morning.

She knew things were bad in his house, knew his parents “argued” but it had never crossed her mind Severus would be part of those arguments. Not for one moment had she thought he might be hurt. Now all she could think of were all the times when they were young, or during holidays when she hadn’t seen him for days on end. Sometimes she would imagine he was angry at her and didn’t want to be friends anymore for some unknown reason, but he had always been so happy to see her after those short separations she would dismiss the thought. Now she knew why he would disappear, it was because of this, because he was hurt and couldn’t hide it. How could she have been so blind? Perhaps it was because he always seemed to have a good reason why he had been gone, or was wearing a long sleeve shirt in the summer or moved a little too slowly and gingerly.

With a soft moan Severus rolled over, causing the top of the pyjamas to hitch up. Lily pressed her hand to her mouth in an effort to stop the gasp from escaping. His entire back was black and blue, there even appeared to be a waffle pattern in places. She reached out with shaky hands and lightly touched the bare flesh. He instantaneously rolled up into a ball, his arms wrapped around his head. Lily couldn’t stop herself and began to sob silently. She had to be the worst friend in the world not to have realized what was happening.

“Sev, I’m sorry. So very, very sorry.”

He seemed to relax a little at the sound of her voice, his arms sliding down from around his head.

“Lily.”

She turned towards the door at the sound of her mother’s whisper. Violet quietly crossed to the bed and took her daughter in her arms. “I know, it’s hard to see him like this.”

Lily looked worriedly at Severus, afraid he would overhear them.

“Don’t worry, I gave him a pain killer, he’ll be out for awhile.”

“Did you know, mum?”

“Not absolutely, no but I did suspect.”

“What do we do now? We can’t let him go back there.”

“I’m afraid we have no choice.”

“But – did you see his back?”

“Yes.”

“Then how can you let him go back to that place?”

“Because I’m not his mother. And however much I may wish it – I can not take him away from them.”

“Mum.” Lily’s voice caught.

“Lily, all we can do is love him and protect him while he’s here.” Violet looked deep into her daughter’s eyes. “Don’t underestimate how much your love means to him, or how much it helps him.”

“I know that he – fancies me.”

“I wondered. And how do you feel about that?”

“I don’t know. It’s Sev and that makes things complicated.” Lily sighed and decided she would tell her mother the truth. “There’s this other boy, James Potter and he’s – funny and talented and handsome – so handsome and I want…” Lily looked down at her hands and felt the blush spreading to every part of her body. “Every time I see him I want to snog him senseless, but I’m not sure he’s a good person. The way he treats Sev is – appalling. And Sev, he’s my best friend and of course, I love him, I’m just not sure if I’m… I know Sev’s got a good heart and in the end he’ll do the right thing. And something’s changing, I just don’t know what. But somehow I can’t picture – you know…”

“Snogging Severus senseless.”

“Yes.”

“I understand.”

“Do you?”

“Yes. The first time your father tried to kiss me I laughed like crazy. It just seemed like the stupidest thing in the world, to snog my best friend, but then one night he took me by surprise and it was the most wonderfully perfect thing I had ever felt. It turned out being in love with my best friend was more amazing than I had ever imagined.” Violet pushed a strand of hair back from her daughter’s face.

“Did it worry you? What would happen if you and dad didn’t work out?”

“Of course.”

“And?”

“In the end I thought it was worth the gamble. – You should get some sleep.”

“Yes. Do you care if I sleep in here?”

“No.” Violet kissed her daughter on the top of her head, and started to leave.

She was stopped at the door by the sound of Lily softly calling after her. “Mum, do I fancy, Sev?”

“Only you can answer that, Lily.”

Violet could tell Lily was hoping for a straight yes or no answer. While she, and seemingly everyone else in the family, knew Lily loved Severus, almost as much as he loved her, it was clear she had yet to figure that out. Violet knew, from experience, no one could tell you who you loved, even if it was absurdly obvious to them. With one last gentle smile at her daughter she whispered “Sweet dreams to you both and Happy Christmas.”

“Happy Christmas, mum.”

Lily waited until her mother had left and then slipped off to change into her nightdress. When she came back Severus was stretched out on his side, facing the other single bed. Lily pulled a blanket from the wardrobe and gently covered him. He winced as the blanket fell onto his back. She decided she would not get in that bed with him for fear of causing him more pain. She slid in between the sheets on the other bed and turned to face him. She watched him breathe slowly in and out, his lips slightly parted. For a moment she considered getting out of bed and pressing her lips to his, just to see. But perhaps it was pity that caused this impulse in her. Sighing she snuggled further under the covers, she could do nothing until she was sure, until James Potter was completely out of her system.

“Happy Christmas, Sev. Next year will be better, I promise,” yawning she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

 


	21. Confessions

It took Severus a moment to figure out where he was when he woke the next morning.  His back felt marginally better, though his nose still throbbed like anything. From downstairs drifted the tantalizing smell of breakfast. Rolling over he was surprised to see Lily sleeping in the other twin bed. He didn’t want to wake her, she looked so peaceful, and so he tried to be as quiet as possible when getting out of the bed. But the instant his feet touched the ground Lily’s eyes popped open, for a spilt second he thought he saw tears welling in them but before he could be certain the look was gone, and all that was left was a beaming smile.

“Happy Christmas, Sev.”

“Happy Christmas. What are you…?”

“Mum said you had an accident, so I wanted to be here, in case you needed anything. I figure I owe you after all the hours you’ve spent by my bedside when I’m sick. Alice told me it was no picnic.”

“You’re fine.”

Lily knew her mother had said the night before Severus didn’t want to talk about what had happened but she had to see what he would say. “What happened to you?”

“I fell and hit my head on the kitchen table. It was stupid.”

“Sev,” she said his name in the same tone her mother had the night before and he knew that like Violet, Lily didn’t believe him.

“I – I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I thought we agreed we wouldn’t have any more secrets from each other.”

Merlin he hated that promise. He couldn’t tell her this. “Lily, I can’t talk about it. I just can’t. But when I’m ready, you’ll be the first person I talk to –  Lil, please, I’m asking you, as a favour, to let this go for now.”

Lily didn’t want to. She wanted to know the truth of what went on in his house, but Severus never asked her for favours so she knew she would give in. “Alright, but I’m here if you change your mind.”

“I’ll remember that.”

“Good,” she looked at him solemnly for a moment before smiling again. “Come on, mum always makes a really great breakfast Christmas morning.”

“I should go home. I just need to get my clothes back from Violet.”

“Why does mum have your clothes?”

“My nose was bleeding and she said she’d wash them for me.”

Lily laughed brightly. “Then you, my friend, are staying for breakfast. Because if you think mum is going to give you back those clothes before stuffing you full you aren’t half as smart as I thought you were.” With a bounce she jumped up from the bed and grabbed his hand. “Besides our stockings will be filled and we get to have those before breakfast.”

He could hardly keep up as Lily raced down the hall. Once they reached the stairs she looked at him and smiled, “Christmas tradition.”

He had no idea what she was talking about, until, to his surprise, she slid down the banister and landed neatly in the entrance. Severus hoped Lily didn’t expect him to do such a thing. After a quick glance at the banister he walked down the stairs with as much dignity as possible given the state of his back.

“You are so like Tuney sometimes.”

Severus sputtered; he didn’t want to be anything like Petunia Evans.  Would his back be able to handle it if he went back up and slid down the wretched thing? Doubtful. “Lil, I hurt my back last night as well so I think sliding down a banister is out of the question.”

Lily remembered the state of his back and nodded, clutching his arm and hugging it. “Next year then.”

“We’ll see. I’m not sure I’m good at sliding down anything.”

“Says the boy who used to slide off a sofa with his gram.”

“I was very young then.”

Lily laughed, a bright tinkling sound, perfect for the holiday. “We’re still young, Sev. Oh come on, let’s go see what Father Christmas brought us.”

Her enthusiasm was infectious and he couldn’t help but smile. It could be fun to watch her pull her presents from Father Christmas from a stocking. So he crossed to the kitchen, trailing her by several steps. When he entered he saw Violet standing at the stove dressed in a bright red dressing gown.

“Happy Christmas, Mum!” Lily rushed to her mother’s side and planted a large kiss on her cheek.

“Happy Christmas, Lily, Severus.”

“Happy Christmas, Violet.”

“Mum, where’s Sev sitting?” Lily asked looking at a table that already seemed overflowing.

“His name is at his spot.”

Lily walked around the table, looking at the stockings hung on the back of the chairs. There seemed to be far more then there were people here. After a moment she picked one up and handed it to him. “Here, this one’s yours.”

He tried not to act as thrown as he felt. He had a stocking?

“Severus, there’s some aspirin at your place. I also want you to put some ice on that eye.”

“It’s fine now. It doesn’t hurt at all.”

Violet turned from the stove and walked over to him, pulling out a chair for him to sit on. She gently took his face in her hand and turned it up to hers. Her eyes scanned him critically. “How about you take the aspirin and we’ll see how you feel after breakfast, alright?”

“Alright.” He took up the pills from his spot and swallowed them down with a gulp of orange juice.

Lily plopped down in the seat next to his. “You can’t eat anything else or take anything out of your stocking until Tuney comes. That’s the Evans’ family rule. And of course Tuney’s as slow as anything. Sometimes I think she does it for spite.” Lily sighed and looked wistfully at the stocking in her lap and then across to her father’s spot.

“I wish you could have spent Christmas with us when dad was here. It was always his favourite holiday and he went so overboard.” Lily’s eyes started to well and he reached out and took her hand in his.

“I’m sure he wishes he was here too.”

She smiled tearily at him. “At least I have you.”

He was about to tell her that she would always have him when the door swung open and Petunia walked in. She had clearly been crying, as her eyes were red and puffy. She looked across the room to where Severus sat and took in his appearance in a heartbeat. To be fair, for once, she didn’t look angry or put out by his presence indeed he though he saw a fleeting glimpse of compassion.

“Good morning, Happy Christmas, Mum, Lily – Severus.”

“Happy Christmas,” chorused Lily and Violet. Severus was too shocked to say anything.

Petunia pulled her stocking from the back of her chair and sat down. Violet hurried over and set a dish of fruit on the table. She sat down, looked at the three children and nodded. “Let the fun begin.”

That seemed to be the cue to dig into the stockings. Lily and Petunia enthusiastically rummaged through theirs, pulling out all sorts of odds and ends, everything from toiletries to earrings to candy. After a moment Severus began to take things out of his, piling them next to his plate. Like the girls, his stocking contained little things, toiletries and candy and even a small copy of _Ivanhoe_.

“You don’t have that do you?” Violet asked.

Severus shook his head. Having finally reached the bottom he pulled out a wrapped box and started to pull the paper from it only to be stopped by Lily’s hand on his. “You have to wait until tomorrow for that one.”

“Why?”

“May and Cris need to be here.”

He was puzzled, but put the box next to his other gifts. After the stockings were emptied they piled their plates full and ate until each and every one of them declared they would never eat again. Lily even went so far as to announce she wasn’t even sure she could move. There were murmurs of agreement and no one moved until the phone rang and Petunia excused herself to go answer it, stating it was most likely Vernon.

With a sigh, Violet folded her napkin and placed it next to her plate. “Severus, I’ll get your clothes and once you’ve changed I’ll take you home. If you want, you can leave your gifts here and take everything with you tomorrow.”

Severus nodded and watched as Violet left the table. Next to him he could feel Lily tense and knew she was upset. “Lil, I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Promise?”

“Yes. Nothing could stop me.”

“I just – I don’t want you to – I wish you didn’t have to leave.”

“But I do.”

She nodded, trying to keep him from seeing the tears in her eyes. Who knew what would happen to Severus in that place. Maybe his parents would kill him, maybe she would never see him again. A strange sort of sick longing surged through her. She wanted to run to her mum and beg her to let Severus stay, he would be of age in a fortnight, then he could do whatever he wanted. Would those wretched people really miss him between now and then?

Under the table he grasped her hand and squeezed “I’ll be fine, Lily. You have to trust me.”

“It’s not you I’m worried about.”

“It was an accident.”

“Sev, don’t!” she snapped. She could see the shock on his face. “If you don’t want to tell me what’s happening that’s your choice, just don’t lie to me.”

Severus was saved from trying to figure out what to say by Violet’s entrance. “Here you are. It looks like all the blood came out except one spot on the cuff of the shirt.”

“Thank you, Violet.”

“I’ll meet you back downstairs in a half hour. Is that enough time for you?”

“More than enough.” Taking the clothes he made his way upstairs and into the guestroom. He slowly changed out of the pyjamas and into his freshly cleaned and pressed clothes. Even the house elves at school didn’t do this good of a job. Once he was done, he sat on the bed until the half hour was up, constantly expecting Lily to knock on the door. He didn’t know if he should be upset that she didn’t come or not.

He walked down the hall and stairs at a snail's pace. He really didn’t want to leave, this had been the best Christmas morning he had had since his gram had died and if she was here it would have been as close to perfect as he could ever hope for. Entering the lounge, he saw Violet sitting in her chair reading, Petunia was giggling rather loudly on the phone, while Lily stood staring out the front window. For the first time, he noticed the massive amount of presents that had appeared seemingly overnight. It was agony to see the perfect family picture in front of him, he had to leave now, before he couldn’t.

“I’m ready Violet, but you don’t have to drive me, I can walk.”

She threw him an irritated look and he knew he had about as much chance of winning a dispute with her as with her daughter. She said nothing, merely picked up her bag and keys from the table next to her and headed towards the door.

“Goodbye. Happy Christmas, Lily.” She didn’t answer or even turn to look at him and his heart began to ache. “Petunia.” He nodded in her direction and she raised a hand in return.

Miserable, he walked out of the door and climbed into the car. His distress must have shown because Violet said gently, “Lily’s not upset with you. She’s angry at the situation.”

Severus nodded, he wasn’t so sure Violet was right. He couldn’t understand why he and Lily still rowed. He didn’t want to, never wanted to and he had thought once she had forgiven him and he had explained everything they would never fight again. But now they had had two disagreements in slightly more than a week. So on top of everything else he had to figure out where he kept going wrong and how to keep it from happening again, because it would be a cold, cold day in hell before he let them end up like his parents.

Violet turned onto Spinner’s End and looking down the street he instantly knew things were worse than he had imagined. He could hardly hold back the groan. Today was going to be horrible.

“Severus, is that your trunk?”

“Yes.”

“What in the world?”

“My father must be home and he’s –” he shook his head and muttered under his breath. “Guess we’re playing this game again.”

Violet honestly had to have ears like a fox because as softly as he had spoken, she had heard and replied, “I think you had better explain to me what game you’re playing.”

There was no way around it, no way to make this into something other than what it was. “He’s thrown me out.”

With a sigh he climbed out of the car. He had two options, he could either pound on the door until his mother opened it and beg his father to let him back in or he could initiate his own emergency plan. He looked down at the trunk and debated. If he had his wand then he might risk the plan. He lifted the battered black lid and dug through the jumbled up contents.

“Severus, put your trunk in the car and I’ll take you home.”

“He’ll let me in eventually, he always does,” he replied dismissively still looking for his wand in the mess.

“Well, you can just wait at our house then. I _will not_ have you sitting on your front doorstep on Christmas day. Severus, in the car, now!”

He jumped; he had never heard Violet sound so commanding. “I can’t, my wand.”

“You can get it later. Or I’ll buy you a new one.”

“I have to have that one. I have a way to get in. Could you – could you maybe store my trunk and I’ll get it from you when Lily and I go back to school?”

“No. I have been very understanding up until this point but this really does cross the line. You can go in and get your wand but that’s it. You have ten minutes to be back in this spot or I will come in there and get you. If you think I will let you put yourself in harm’s way or see my daughter’s Christmas ruined because the boy she l – is best friends with doesn’t turn up, then you have another thing coming to you, young man. Have I made myself perfectly clear?”

Severus could only nod, he didn’t think he had ever been so intimidated. Dumbledore should recruit Violet Evans and have her yell at You-Know-Who, the war would be over in an instant.

“I suggest you go because I’m starting to count right now.”

Severus scurried around to the back of the house. Instead of entering his garden he snuck quietly into the neighbour’s. They had a rather convenient trellis running up the back of their house and then several bricks that made good hand holes. He began to climb very carefully, the trellis was rather rickety and it had been many years since he had done this. Having reached the end of the framework he began to feel above him for the first brick, his back was beginning to hurt again and if he didn’t need his wand so desperately he wouldn’t even bother to continue to attempt this.

The last time this had happened he had spent five nights sleeping in the spot before Eileen had talked Tobias into letting his son back in. Who knew how long it would take this time and he had to return to school in slightly over a week. Once he reached the roof he pulled himself up, trying to remember if the loose tile was on the left or right. Whichever it was, he thankfully missed it. He swiftly crossed from the roof of the neighbour’s house and onto his. Once he was to the far corner he grasped the drainpipe and edged his way off the roof. Severus could only pray his window was still unlatched otherwise he would have done all this for nothing. He clasped the drainpipe a little harder and pushed experimentally against the window. It slid up smoothly and he gratefully clambered in to his room.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t the least bit messy. Clearly his mother had been the one to pack his trunk. He didn’t know if that made him more or less angry. He rummaged through the new desk until he found his wand in the bottom drawer, just where he had left it. Then he kneeled under the bed and pulled his gifts out since it seemed unlikely he would be back tonight, and stuffed them into the case he took from his pillow. Then he lifted the plank, took out all the money he had hidden there and stared down at the rest of the items. Should he clear them out or not? He hated the idea of taking his personal things to school, but if by some chance his father didn’t let him back in he didn’t want to lose them either. He glanced at the clock, his ten minutes were almost up, he had to make a decision fast. He had no doubt if he wasn’t out of this room and back on the street soon then Violet would start banging on the front door or worse. His father’s heavy tread on the stairs made up his mind for him, he grabbed the jar containing his grandmother’s ashes, her engagement ring and the black box holding Lily’s cameo and stuffed them in the case, the rest he would have to sacrifice. He looked longingly down at the notes Lily had written, the wrap all his gifts had come in, each and every tiny thing that she had ever given him. Somewhere in there were locks of his grandparent’s hair and a few strands of Lily’s. He couldn’t leave them, his hand reached for the contents, he would take it all and then they could burn this place to the ground for all he cared.

“Where the hell is that damn draft coming from?” drawled Tobias. “Eileen, get your arse up here now and find it.”

Severus’ hand shot back out of the hole. He didn’t have time for this. He hastily shoved the plank back in place, rose from the floor and tied the case to his belt loop.

“If that brat is here…”

He had to get out. His father was obviously still furious.

“Tobias, be sensible, how would he get in?”

“I don’t know what kind of strange things that kid can do.”

Severus scrambled out the window and slid the glass shut seconds before the door opened and his mother said, “see, no one’s here.”

He knew he was safe, his mother wouldn’t bother to look out the window. Leaning his head against the drainpipe he gave a little sigh of relief before sliding his way to the ground. Once there, he grabbed the trunk and stuffed it and himself into the car. Violet slid into the driver’s seat. She said nothing until they had turned off Spinner’s End. “Don’t you ever, ever let me catch you doing something like that again, Severus Snape! You about scared the life out of me.”

“Sorry,” he whispered contritely.

“I don’t want to hear you’re sorry! What were you thinking, walking across roofs and climbing in windows like that?!”

“I – I – It was the only way to get my wand.”

“I don’t care! You could have killed yourself! And if you don’t care about yourself then maybe you should think about the people who love you! I _will not_ –  WILL NOT bury someone else I love this year! Do you hear me?”

Severus didn’t know what had surprised him more, the fact that Violet was screaming at him or that she had said she – maybe he had heard wrong. All he could do was croak, “you love me?”

Instantly the car swerved off to the side of the street and Violet threw the gear into park. “Severus, of course we love you. You’re like our son. I thought you knew that.”

He shook his head violently. _I will not cry, I will not cry._

“Severus,” Violet took him in her arms. The combination of her gentle embrace and the smell of vanilla drifting off of her was all it took, he broke down and sobbed. It was as if the flood gates had opened, all the things he had told his gram he now told her, about his parents and the constant arguments, all the broken bones and bruises, about Lucius Malfoy and the Death Eaters, how he was picked on at school, the only thing he held back was how desperately in love with Lily he was. The whole time she smoothed his hair and kissed his forehead, just like his gram use to when he was upset. Somehow that only made things worse and he cried harder.

“Severus, shh. Shh, you have to calm down. You’re going to make yourself sick. Everything’s going to be fine. I’ll work something out. You never have to go back there if you don’t want to.”

Severus tried to calm himself, he couldn’t believe he had lost control so badly. He never cried like that, not in front of other people. He pulled back from her and briskly wiped the tears from his eyes. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that.”

Her hand reached out and tucked his hair behind his ears. “I think you’ve probably needed to do that for a long time now. You shouldn’t keep things bottled up the way you do, it isn’t healthy. If you’re not careful you’ll end in giving yourself ulcers.”

“Violet, please don’t tell anyone what I said. I shouldn’t have…”

“You can say anything you want to me, Severus. That’s what I’m here for.”

He looked at her a little doubtfully as she put the car back into drive and moved back onto the road.  She peeked at him from out of the corner of her eye and laughed, “now what do you think Cris and May have been doing all these years?”

“I hadn’t thought about it.”

“There’s a reason they call me, mum.”

“Both of them?”

“Yes, Severus for many, many years now.”

“Oh.”

“I do think, before you go back to school we’re going to have to have a serious talk about this Death Eater business.” Severus squirmed a little and tried to remember what he had said. “It’s no good, I’ll get it all out of you eventually. But for today we are just going to have a nice Christmas. Sound good?”

“Yes.”

“Alright.” She carefully turned into the driveway, clipping the hedge with the front bumper. “Drat! I keep doing that.”

“I could try and trim it back if you’d like.”

“That would be lovely, Severus,” she said as she slid from the car.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, determined not to cry again. “Violet, you can call me, Sev, if you want.”

She smiled at him. “I would be happy to.”

Just then, the door swung open and Lily flew down the walk. “Sev, you came back!” With a laugh she threw her arms around him. He winced at the pain that shot up his back as Lily hung on determinedly and he was loathed to detach her. “I knew mum would talk you into it.”

He had never seen her so happy, it was almost a shame to tell her the truth. “I wasn’t sure you wanted me to come back.”

“Sev, for someone so smart you can certainly be awfully stupid. I wanted you to stay. I worry about you, you know.”

“Don’t, I can take care of myself.”

He knew she wanted to say something about that but after a moment of hesitation she simply shook her head and dropped her arms back to her side. “Mum, May and Cris are here.”

“What?”

“They arrived not long after the two of you left.”

“And where’s Cris’ car?”

“They came in a cab.”

“What in the world’s happened now? Honestly, you children are going to be the death of me.”

Severus felt guilty thinking of the burdens he had just added to her. Lily merely laughed, “You wouldn’t want it any other way, mum.”

Violet looked back over her shoulder and smiled at them both endearingly. “No, I wouldn’t. Severus, take your things upstairs to the guestroom.”

Lily watched as he opened the back of the car and pulled the pillowcase out, handing it to her. “Can you carry this for me? But don’t peak, I haven’t finished wrapping yet.”

She nodded and took the case into her arms, watching as he pulled out his trunk. “How long are you staying for?”

“I guess till it’s time to go back to school.”

She held the front door open for him and then followed him up the stairs. “What happened?”

“He threw me out.”

“Your father?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. He’ll let me back in eventually, always does.”

“This has happened before?”

“A couple of times.”

“What do you do?”

“Sleep at the spot.”

He saw the bag start to slide from her hands. “Don’t drop that! There are breakable things in there.”

“What do you eat?”

“Lil, can we not talk about this right now?” He set the trunk at the foot of the bed he had slept in the night before and took the pillowcase from her hands. He grabbed his wand and started to pull it out.

Lily flopped herself down on the opposite bed and looked at him intently “Sev, am I really your best friend?”

The wand fell from his hand and his head shot up like a flash. “Of course you are. How can you even ask me that?”

“You keep so many secrets from me.”

“No, I don’t.” He was surprised to see how hurt she looked. “Lily, you know more about me than anyone else in the world.”

“But not everything.”

“Well, I don’t know everything about you.”

“Yes, you do.”

He looked at her sceptically so she hurriedly continued, “alright, you know almost everything. But you don’t want to know about girl stuff, do you?”

“Like?”

“When I get my month…”

He held up a hand. “Stop!”

“Told you, you didn’t want to know everything.”

“Then why do you think you would want to know everything about me?”

“Because boys aren’t like girls, they don’t have those embarrassing times.”

He wanted to scoff. There had been times when he couldn’t get up from a table or desk because of what she did to him, mornings when he had woken up still aroused over some dream about her. “Really? Because talking about this with you is more than a little uncomfortable.”

“Fine, then how about you tell me what really goes on in your house.”

Hadn’t they already had this conversation today? A quiet knock sounded on the door and Cris popped his head in the room. “Hiya, mate. Can we...” Cris started into the room then stopped abruptly. “Lily, sorry, I didn’t see you there. I can go if you two are having a private discussion.”

From the look on the elder boy’s face Severus knew Crispin knew what had happened last night, and not only did he know, but like Violet and Lily he was worried and angry. “No, it’s fine. Come in.”

Crispin crossed and sat on the bed with Lily. Severus thought it was like a firing squad lining up. He really was going to have to stop going to the cinema with Lily it just mixed him up.

“How are you doing?”

This was it. He either had to tell the truth or lie. If he lied then Lily would know it and maybe this time he wouldn’t be able to fix his mistake. “My back hurts and I’m sure I’ve looked better. Not that I ever look great. Still, I suppose it could be worse, right?”

For some reason this appeared to have been the wrong thing to say since a single tear slipped down Lily’s cheek and Cris’ eyes looked suspiciously damp. “Mum says it’s pretty bad.”

“She rang you?”

“Yes. She thought it might be better if I took you home but I wasn’t sure I would be able to keep my temper, so – Listen, Severus, if you don’t want to talk about this it’s fine, just know if you do, any of us would be willing to listen. And I know it’s hard, but believe me, it helps.”

Severus wondered how on earth Cris could begin to know how he was feeling, what it was like to do without. Maybe Crispin sensed this because he stood up, crossed to the door and shut it. Then taking a deep breath he turned to face the friends.

Severus was surprised to see trepidation and fear in Cris’ eyes. “Do you know why May and I call Violet and Daniel, mum and dad?”

“I didn’t even know you did until a moment ago,” Lily responded.

“We’ve been doing it for years. I’m sorry, Lils, maybe I should have said something earlier but I was afraid you mightn’t like it.”

“I don’t care, though Tuney might.”

“I know.” Cris paused to take a deep breath before continuing on, “what I’m about to tell the two of you, you can’t ever tell anyone else. Promise?”

“Yes.” Lily whispered.

Severus nodded his head; he knew Cris was about to tell them something big. He got up and crossed to sit with Lily, giving the older boy his full attention.

“I’m not very good at telling this story so forgive me if I don’t do it well. When I was fifteen and May was –

“No, I have to go further back than that – I don’t think my parents were ever particularly interested in being parents. Something I’m sure perplexes you, Lily, but there are people like that. For them, I think, having children was all about doing what they were supposed to do, getting an heir and all that. Anyway, from the second I was born I was turned over to nannies and so was May when she came along. The only time we ever saw our parents was when we got trotted out to be shown off for their friends. Weren’t we cute? Weren’t they lucky? Etcetera. Otherwise we meant nothing to them.

“Our mother, Victoria’s, main concern in life is keeping up, being friends with the right people, going to the right places, wearing the right clothes. Unfortunately, this meant she also had to have the right nanny. So the women came and went. I don’t think we ever managed to have the same person for more than a handful of months. So May and I had no stability, no love, except what we got from each other. I guess it made us close, to close some people have said. But May was the only person who was always there for me, the only person I could trust completely. And you can’t live your life with no one can you?

“I don’t know how it happened that May and I ended up at Lily’s school. I supposed it slipped our parent’s minds how old we were and one of the multitude of nannies enrolled us. Anyway, May came home her first day of second form all excited about this great girl she had met called Lily Evans. Of course, they quickly became fast friends and I don’t know quite how it happened to this day, but somehow we started spending more and more time here. You know how Vi is, Severus, she would make us phone our parents if we were staying for dinner or something and I use to go and ring the house and talk to no one. I didn’t want anyone to know May and I were mostly on our own. I’m not sure why now, though I’m certain it seemed like the right thing at the time.

“So, that’s how it was for years. Then, one day, Lily told May and I she had met a boy and he had told her she was special, a witch.” Cris smiled at Severus. “I bet our reaction was about what Lily’s was when you told her.”

Severus thought back to how badly that encounter had gone and how disappointed he had been. “She thought I’d called her a dirty name and stalked off.”

Lily reached for his hand and cradled it in hers. “I was silly. I’m glad you forgave me.”

“Soon it became all about you, Severus, how smart you were and all the great things the two of you were going to do and this special school you were going to go to. I’m sorry to say May and I might have encouraged Petunia’s behaviour towards you. You see, we didn’t want Lily to go, not because either of us was jealous of your abilities, but because we felt like we were finally part of a family and if Lily went we were certain we would lose that. But off the two of you went anyway.

“As it so happened, it was around that time my parents woke up to the fact May and I weren’t babies anymore. It was decided I would be sent away to school while May would stay here and go to some sort of private day school and live at home. I didn’t want to go. I fought them tooth and nail. If I went who would May have? Who would I have? I’m not ashamed to tell you my sister has always been and will always be my best friend. I only gave in once my parents hired this wonderful lady to be my sister’s, companion I guess I’ll call her. Bridie was wonderful, warm, gentle, loving, like a grandmother. I knew I could leave May alone with her and she’d be safe and well looked after.

“Surprisingly, things ended up not being so bad that year. I missed May, of course and all Evanses but I got to know other people and wasn’t as lonely as I thought I’d be. Though I didn’t really have any friends, I just didn’t trust anyone that much. People revolved in and out of my life so much I suppose I learned to hold them away. Then before I knew it the summer was here and it was grand. I think that’s actually the summer I met you, Severus.

“It might still be the best summer of my life, I was so happy to be back home with May. And Daniel and Violet, welcomed us both back with open arms. The only dark spot was something was wrong with Bridie. It turned out she was old and had a heart condition. Two weeks after I went back to school she died. My parents were gone.” Crispin laughed darkly; it was a sound Severus knew all to well. “They’re always gone. I wanted to leave school. May was only thirteen, she couldn’t take care of herself. But May said she had the maid and would only be alone at night and if I ran away the parents would come home and who knew what would happen. You see, there had been talk of sending me away the following summer and we couldn’t risk that happening. So, I agreed if she wrote me every week I would stay put.

“I hated every minute of school that term. I absolutely lived for May’s letters, I was so worried something would happen to her. Then, in November, the letters stopped. There aren’t words for how scared I was.  We were only allowed to use the phone once a week for five minutes and when I rang, no one answered. Each day that went by without a letter I grew more and more terrified. I had to do something, but I was afraid to run away because if there were nothing wrong with May and THEY found out I might get sent away and wouldn’t get to see her for years, but on the other hand, what if there was something wrong with her. Finally I made a decision. I bribed one of my dorm mates and snuck out. I ran all the way to the village and called Violet. I told her what was happening and she promised she would go look in on May that very night.

“The next day they pulled me from class and told me I had a phone call – Have you ever had one of those moments where you’re so scared your feet won’t move?”

Lily and Severus both nodded.

“This was one for me. When I picked up, it was Vi, she told me May was very sick but she and Daniel had brought her here and were taking care of her. I wasn’t to worry about anything right now but when I came home for Christmas hols we would all sit down and have a nice long talk. It took two weeks for me to get a letter from May and I had to take it outside and read it out past the cricket field so no one would see me bawling over a letter from my sister. I told you May and I are best friends, so she told me everything, that the maid had quit and she had been left alone. There had been no one there to take care of her, but she didn’t want me to do anything rash and get in trouble, so didn’t tell me. By the time Violet and Daniel found her she was so sick…” Cris’ voice caught and a tear slipped from the corner of his bright blue eye, “they were afraid she would die.

“I felt like the worst big brother in the world. All I wanted to do was come home and get May. I made up the craziest plan ever for us to run away. I remember when I got off the train Daniel was there to meet me and he brought me right here. That night Daniel and Violet got me to tell them about how things were in our house and they promised me if I went back to school they would look after May for me. I didn’t want to at first. After all, everyone else had left us why shouldn’t they? Then I talked to May and she told me how wonderful they were, how one of them had sat by her bedside every minute. That Daniel had to talk Vi out of going and find our parents and screaming at them. How Violet had cried and told him she wanted to keep us forever.

“That was it, that was all I needed to hear. No one had ever loved us like that, cared about what happened to us. I think I have loved them from that moment to this. Sometime that spring I wrote a letter to Violet and called her mum accidentally. After I realized what I had done I apologized but she wrote back and said she would be honoured to be my mum and if I didn’t mind, Daniel would like to be called dad.

“It might be one of the best moments of my life. So as far as I’m concerned this is my family, May, Daniel, Violet and you, Lily. I don’t care about Victoria and Edmund. I would happily give up every penny I have to live in this house with all of you.

“There’s a reason I’m telling you this, Severus. The very first time I met you, I knew you were like us, May and I, neglected and unloved.”

Severus felt himself bridle a little at the words, but Lily squeezed his hand and he let the spark of upset die.

“I wanted to be friends with you right from the start, from that very first summer. But I knew it would be hard. You trusted people about as much as I did. Mum would say one of us had to learn to let people in before something could happen. She’s probably right.

“What I want to say and am not saying very well, is we would like it if you would be part of our family, mine and May’s. Always fancied having a little brother. I also want you to know, I’ve heard mum say all the same things about you she did about us. Severus, you have no idea how much she’s wanted to take you out of that house, how much she worries about you. And don’t worry; you don’t have to tell us anything you don’t want to about your parents. I know it’s a hard thing to do, coming clean and telling the first person is always the hardest but, I promise, it gets easier. We all care about you, me and May and Mum and Lils and Dad thought you were great. He was so happy about how much you were changing this past summer. He was proud of you, I’m just sorry he didn’t get the chance to tell you that himself.

“You don’t have to trust us completely right away or even love us. Just give us a chance to be the family we want to be to you. That’s all I wanted to say. Sorry it took so long.”

Next to Severus, Lily was sniffling. “I never knew all of that.”

“It’s a hard thing to tell people, Lil.”

“Well, I’m glad you told us and I think it’s great I have a big brother.”

Lily got up from the bed and walked across to hug Cris.

Severus continued to sit where he was, to conflicted to move. Maybe he should tell someone what was happening, but he had never been more afraid in his life. Doing this would be an incredible leap of faith for him, he would be giving these people a great deal of power, more than he had ever given anyone. Still he had realized this family loved him and even more shockingly he loved them, all of them, well all except Petunia. He trusted them and knew if he wanted their trust he was going to have to prove it to them. The problem was he didn’t know what to say or how to say it.

The door slowly swung open to reveal May. “Why are you all so weepy?”

“I was telling them about Victoria and Edmund.”

“Oh.” May swallowed hard and looked nervously at Lily and Severus.

“I wish you would have told me sooner,” chided Lily.

“I didn’t know how. Do you care about us calling Violet and Daniel…?”

Lily laughed, “why would I care about that? May, I only care that you and Cris and Sev are happy.”

May beamed happily back at Lily while Cris engulfed her in a huge hug.

Severus closed his eyes and took a deep breath, this was the moment for the leap. “My – my father hits me,” he whispered.

There, it was out. The silence stretched out for an eternity. The longer it got the more scared he became, maybe they didn’t understand. Then the bed sagged on either side of and behind him.

“Thanks for telling us, mate.”

He finally opened his eyes and saw May and Lily on either side of him, both of them smiling through their tears. May reached out and grabbed him. “Welcome to the family.”

No sooner had her arms released him then Lily’s took her place. “I love you, Sev.”

“I love you too, Lily.”

Her eyes grew wide for a moment and then she laughed and threw her hands in the air. “Finally! I’ve only been waiting eight years for my best friend to say he loves me. I thought you were waiting for an engraved invitation from God or something.”

Cris began to chuckle softly and May quickly joined in. It wasn’t long until the whole room was echoing with their laughter

“I’m glad to find you all so merry. Does this mean we’re ready to have Christmas?” Violet asked from the doorway.

May rose from the bed and laughed. “Yes, it does, Mum.”

“Well then, downstairs with all of you. I didn’t buy my children gifts so they could collect dust under the tree.”

Severus turned and picked up the abandoned case at the foot of the bed. He took out the jar, ring and box and then slung the case over his shoulder and went to have his first proper Christmas in eleven years.

 


	22. A Family In The Making

Even though it had started out badly Christmas turned out to be a wonderful thing. They had all tramped downstairs and piled into the lounge, which seemed to be even more crowded with gifts than it had been just a few hours earlier. Lily had disappeared briefly, only to return holding the package from his stocking that morning.

“Here,” she said handing it to him.

The rest of the family watched as Cris and May emptied out their stockings, Cris pausing to groan when he saw the small bottles of shampoo and conditioner. This meant he then had to tell everyone about his roommate’s girlfriend and the trial men’s line and how he had been pawning the extras off on Severus for months now. There had been a moment of laugher when Severus stated dryly that every time he opened his bedside cabinet either tiny bottles of hair product or bags of biscuits fell out and he was reduced to storing his books under his bed.

When Cris and May finally pulled out their small boxes everyone turned, as if on instinct, to look at Daniel’s empty chair. Petunia tried to stifle a sob but failed.

Violet cleared her throat. “I know Daniel isn’t here but I thought we should honour him all the same so I did buy one for him this year.”

“Buy what?” Severus whispered to Lily.

“Mum, you have to explain to Sev about the tradition.”

“When Daniel and I first got married we didn’t have much money. That first year we couldn’t afford much of a Christmas, just one gift each we said and a nicer than normal dinner. I was upset we couldn’t have a tree but Daniel said we couldn’t possibly afford the decorations. I cried like anything when he told me that and then Christmas Eve he went out and bought us a little tree, just to cheer me up. We ate bread and cheese for a week to pay for that.” She smiled sadly at the memory. “He also bought us one ornament and we agreed that each and every year we would buy just one new one to add to our collection. Our poor trees looked pretty sparse in the beginning, but then our family grew and now we have this.” She waved her hand towards the tree.

“Every year each person gets an ornament and they add it to the tree. I try to make them tie in to something important that happened that year, that way you’ll always remember what made that year so special. This year this is what I got for Daniel.” From under her chair, she took a small box, out of which she pulled a spun glass angel.

“Petunia will you hang it on the tree for your father?”

Petunia nodded her head and rose, tears coursing down her face. Everyone watched as the girl hung the decoration front and centre on the tree. The only movement in the room was May burying her head in her brother’s shoulder.

After several minutes of sniffling from them all, Violet wiped the tears from her cheeks and said, as cheerfully as possible, “all right, go on the rest of you.”

The room was silent as each of them pulled the wrapping from their boxes. Severus looked down and saw a football with the year and his name on it. He could see Crispin’s ornament matched his own while Lily’s was a small crystal dove. Each of them stood and put their ornaments on the tree in a circle around Daniel’s.

Violet smiled bravely at the assembled group. “Enough sadness for one year. I think it’s time we start on the fun part. Cris it’s your turn to decide how we work things this year.”

“Let Severus do it since it’s his first Christmas with us.”

“I’d rather not. Maybe this year I could just see how things work.”

“Fair enough, then I vote for just digging in. Can’t stand it when we sit around and watch each other open gifts. I have to admit I can’t remember who passed out last year so I’m going to pick Petunia for that esteemed job, if she’s willing.”

Petunia beamed at Cris and then began pulling presents out from under the tree. In the meantime Lily whispered to Severus that once all the presents were passed out they could just tear into them, but sometimes they watched as each person opened a gift in turn. Given the amount of gifts under the tree Severus could only imagine that process would take hours.

He was genuinely surprised at the mountain of presents that was steadily accumulating next to him. All of a sudden, he felt he hadn’t spent enough on any one, not that he had had any more to spend.

Once the last gift had been placed next to Violet, Cris picked up a rather large package wrapped in paper that appeared to depict dancing bears and ripped it gleefully from the box. He proceeded to throw the paper on top of his sister’s head. The room instantly erupted, filling with the sounds of ripping paper, laughter and excited talk. Severus watched in stunned silence for a moment before reaching down and picking up a gift. He carefully began to peel the paper back, he hadn’t gotten very far when a hand reached out and tore the paper.

“Lily!”

“I can’t stand it when you do that. Honestly Sev half the fun is ripping the paper.”

He looked at her doubtfully. “Go on, try it just once. Then if you don’t like it we can all sit here until next week while you carefully unwrap gifts.”

Severus sighed, not sure how to explain to her about the now lost collection of mementos. Perhaps it was silly to keep wrapping and Lily was looking at him so hopefully that his hand pulled back the paper almost without consent. He had to admit it was a strangely satisfying act. “Happy now?”

“Immensely and you liked it didn’t you?”

“Perhaps.”

Lily giggled and went back to unwrapping her own gifts with relish, only stopping once to throw her arms around him and plant a kiss on his cheek when she unwrapped the da Vinci book. He wasn’t surprised that in the end his pile contained mostly books, though Violet had gotten him some clothes, and he had a rather mysterious note from Cris, which he would ask the boy about as soon as Cris was done ribbing Violet about a jumper she had bought him that was a particularly bizarre shade of orange.

All his gifts seemed to have gone over well. Lily had clearly liked the book, May had promised to fill the stationary with letters to them all and Cris had thrilled over his book on football. Even Petunia had graciously thanked him for the box, though he supposed it would end up buried at the bottom of a drawer, if it didn’t end up binned. But that hardly mattered since every other female in the room had beamed at him as though he should be nominated for sainthood for buying her anything at all. The only person left to open their gift from him was Violet and he sensed she had deliberately waited to open his gift last.

All eyes were on her as she unwrapped the crystal flask. She carefully pulled the stopper from it and sniffed. “I’m rather at a loss here, Severus.”

“It’s perfume.”

She looked even more puzzled when he said that, raising the flask to her nose again. “It doesn’t smell like anything.”

Now everyone was looking at him. “It won’t until you put it on. Then it will become the best fragrance for you.”

Violet put the stopper back on and turned the bottle upside down, after a second she flipped it back over, pulled the stopper out and dabbed a little of the liquid on her wrist. Then she gestured to each of the girls in turn and dabbed some on their wrists. Once the stopper was back in its proper place she raised her wrist to her nose. She smiled and nodded at him approvingly. “I like it.”

“Let me smell,” demanded May. Stretching across her brother she sniffed at Violet’s proffered wrist. Then she grabbed Lily’s and Petunia’s in turn, before finally smelling her own. “Oh my word.”

“What?” asked Crispin.

“They all smell completely different.”

For several moments there was a small flurry in the room, as everyone smelled the wrists of the four women. Severus watched in quiet satisfaction, the concoction had worked better than he thought.

Crispin was the one to finally break the hush. “Where did you get that?”

“I made it.”

The scarf in Lily’s hand slowly slid to the floor. “Sev?”

“What?”

“Is that a potion?”

“Yes, so I really shouldn’t have given it to a muggle, but I don’t think anyone will figure it out. I mean it’s not a love potion or anything.” He was starting to feel uncomfortable with the attention.

“Where did you find the instructions for that?” asked Lily curiously.

Severus shrugged his shoulders and wished he hadn’t. He had almost forgotten about the pain in his back. “I made it up myself.”

Lily was looking at him; eyes filled with awe “You really are a genius aren’t you?”

He could feel himself turning red. “No.”

“Is this a hard thing to do?” Crispin inquired.

“It’d be like inventing – plastic or something.”

May’s voice barely reached him when she whispered, “wow.”

Severus shifted a little in on the sofa; he wasn’t use to this kind of attention, even Petunia looked impressed. Violet stood up from her seat, crossed the room and kissed him on the forehead. “It’s a wonderful gift Severus, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Alright, now that the fun is done, I need some help in the kitchen if we have any hope of eating Christmas dinner and one or several of you have to clean up the mess in here. So who would like to do what?”

Voices rose all around the room and Severus was unendingly grateful attention was diverted away from him. It was decided he, Lily and Cris would clean up the lounge while Petunia and May went off to make a mess in the kitchen with Violet. Or at least that was what Cris maintained they were going to do when he came back a moment later, rubbish bags in hand. Severus was glad he had just ripped the paper because there was no way he would have been able to save it from Cris’ over exuberant cleaning. It wasn’t until they were piling the gifts back under the tree Severus remembered to ask Cris about the note that had been his gift.

“Cris what does this mean?” he asked, holding out a piece of thick white paper.

“Oh bugger! I meant to explain that when you opened it. I’m putting your name in the lottery for season tickets for Man U, if you get drawn then I’ll pay for them, if not, I’ll get you something else.”

“I can’t possibly accept something this expensive.”

“Listen, I won’t be spending any more on you than I did on everyone else. And I actually spent a lot more on mum, so forget it. – Severus, I’d rather spend that stupid money on people I care about than hoard it or something. I’m actually half tempted to give it all away when Edmund kicks off.”

“And then what are you going to do for funds Mr. Hall?” teased Lily.

“I’ve been thinking about that a lot this term. Doesn’t due to be so lazy when I have two such fine examples of studiousness in front of me.” He smiled and nodded in the direction of the two friends. “So, I’ve put my nose to the proverbial grindstone.”

“Really, you’ve finally decided on a branch of law then?”

“Yes, thought I might like to concentrate on human rights issues.”

“Good for you, Cris.”

“I’m glad you approve.”

“Now you and Sev both have your careers picked out, May will most likely marry Alex, at least if he’s as interested in her as she is in him and Petunia will do the most boring thing she can think of . That only leaves me. How is it I got left behind?”

Cris laughed, “what is it you would like to do, Lily?”

“That’s the thing, I can’t decide. I wish there was something I was good at.”

“You’re good at loads of things,” interjected Severus.

“No, not like you and once Cris makes up his mind to do something it takes a major catastrophe to get him to change it. I guess I’ll have to be the support system, like mum.”

“You could do a lot worse than ending up like Violet, now all you need is your Daniel.” Cris’ eyes glanced quickly at Severus. “Hey Severus, how about you go to the house with me to get my car and some clothes and what not. You can drive can’t you?”

“No.”

“Ahh. Guess I’ll have to call a cab after all.”

“Why did you take a cab in the first place?” Lily asked.

“Didn’t want the ancestors to know we were leaving. But they should have left for the country house by now which means May and I are in the clear.”

“Will you get in trouble for leaving earlier?”

Crispin laughed at Lily’s question. “An hour and a few martini’s from now and they’ll forget they even have children. Come on, Severus, I’ll show you around the tomb.”

Cris rose from the floor and went to tell Violet they were off to go get his car and his and May’s luggage as soon as a cab arrived. Severus was a little surprised to see him return with Petunia behind him, shrugging on her coat.

“Petunia’s going to drive us.”

The girl looked startled at the news Severus was going with them, but thankfully said nothing. The ride across town wasn’t so bad. Petunia mostly talked to Crispin about Vernon Dursley, who had been upgraded to the status of boyfriend. Cris seemed to be greatly relieved by the knowledge that Petunia’s interest was now firmly directed elsewhere and asked loads of questions. Severus sat in the back seat and looked out the window at the increasingly posh houses they were driving past. He swallowed hard when Petunia pulled to a stop outside of a large stone building.

“Tell Violet we won’t be too long,” requested Cris as he exited the car.

Cris pulled out a key and inserted it into the lock. When the door swung open, Severus saw the entrance hall was dark.

“See, parents gone.”

Severus could only nod. Even though he had been at Hogwarts for six years now he was still awed by the size and grandeur of the room in front of him.

“Let me give you the tour.” Cris crossed the marble floor and opened a door. “In here we have the study. You’re not allowed to look at any of the books; in fact, most of the pages haven’t even been cut, makes them more valuable, or so I’m told. Through there is the very stuffy dining room, freezing cold in the winter and roasting in the summer, but very fashionable.”

Every room Cris took Severus into he made snide little comments like that. It was clear Crispin hated almost every aspect of the house and it didn’t take Severus long to figure out why. The whole place had the air of a museum or showroom; there was no sense you could breathe in any of the rooms much less use them. The second floor contained a slew of bedrooms, and he was surprised to find out the Halls slept in separate rooms at opposite ends of the corridor; Cris said made it easier to them to entertain “visitors”. Severus didn’t want to think about what would happen in his house if one of his parents found the other in bed with someone else, but clearly that was acceptable behaviour for the Halls. At the end of the second floor Cris turned a corner and climbed a plain narrow set of stairs.

“Up here is the nursery and servant’s rooms, _this_ is where May and I live.” Cris threw open the door at the top of the stairs and let out a breath.

Severus followed him and was surprised to see they had entered a bright cheerful hallway.

“May and I have done our own thing up here. This is our sitting room.” He opened the door to a room that was a mishmash of various pieces of furniture. “We used odds and ends we found, mostly stuff left from nannies. Mother was always big on redecorating for them, guess it gave her something to do.”

Severus nodded, unlike the rooms downstairs this space looked cosy and lived in. There were souvenirs scattered on bookshelves and tables, beat up paperback books lying on the floor, and pictures in mismatched frames graced the walls, up here there was nothing pricey or overdone. “It suites you.”

“At least you can put your feet on the furniture here.” Cris closed the door and walked back down the hall. “The bathroom is through there. This is the classroom, haven’t decided what to do with this yet. I’m thinking about a games room.” He opened the door to a small, dark room; Severus hardly had a chance to look around before the door swiftly shut again. “And this is May’s room.”

Cris strolled into a blue and white room. Severus wasn’t sure what he had been expecting but this wasn’t it. Not a single piece of furniture matched and the left corner of the dresser was propped up on a block of wood. “May’s not big on furniture shopping. Not on any shopping really, unless there’s a special occasion or something then it’s a mass free for all. Let’s see her bag should be…” Cris opened a white wardrobe with large blue flowers painted on it. “…yep, here.”

Cris picked up the bag and pulled several articles of clothing from hangers and then riffled through drawers for several minutes, stuffing items willy-nilly into the bag. “Sorry, normally we would do this before coming over but when mum called this morning we left without bothering.”

“Why would you come over if Violet was taking me home?”

“I thought maybe I could catch you before she took you back.”

“Why?”

“I wanted to make sure that was what you really wanted.”

“Cris, it’s complicated.”

“It always is.”

“Do you care if I don’t want to talk about it?”

“Not at all. Come on, my room is in here.” Cris opened a door to a room entirely furnished in rich, dark woods. It was as different from his sister’s room as night from day. Here all the furniture matched and looked like it was in pristine condition, yet somehow the room still looked homey. Cris rounded the bed and took a duffle from the top shelf of his wardrobe. “You can have a seat if you’d like.” He waved towards the bed.

Severus sat down on what was possibly the most comfortable bed imaginable. Crispin’s head had disappeared into the wardrobe but Severus still managed to hear him when he asked, “So how _are_ things between you and Lily, any new developments?”

Severus quickly told him about the row on the train ride home and the day he spent with Evanses decorating and shopping. He tried very hard to remember every detail, right down to the words they had said to one another that very morning. “I don’t know, Cris. Sometimes it seems like she fancies me and others I’m not even sure if she realizes that I’m not a girl.”

Cris laughed, “believe me, she knows you’re not a girl.”

Severus looked doubtfully at the other boy. “Are you sure?”

“One hundred percent. She wouldn’t look at you the way she does if she did.”

The lump in his throat was back. “How does she look at me?”

“I can’t exactly explain it. I guess, like she’s interested but scared to be.”

He wasn’t sure what that meant. Thankfully Cris continued before he had too much time to ponder on it. “Look, Severus, I think she actually fancies you quite a bit. I’m just not sure Lily’s figured that out.”

Wave after wave of happiness rolled over Severus; if he weren’t almost of age and was alone then he would have yelled with delight. Instead, he swallowed hard and asked, “so what do I do?”

“First of all, you have to give her some space and time. I think before this past summer you were ‘just Sev’, the best friend, the… I don’t know, maybe she did see you in some sort of asexual way. But things are changing and that’s most likely going to be a big gearshift for her. All of a sudden you’re not ‘just Sev’, you’re a man and one that she’s attracted to. It might take a while for her to wrap her mind around that one.”

“Yes, that’s what she said and I am trying, really. I’m just…”

“Sick of waiting?”

“A little. And then there’s prat Potter. I know she’s interested, even if she says she’s not.”

“Maybe it’s just a…”

“A?”

“A sexual thing. Maybe she needs to go off and do her thing with him, get it out of her system.”

 _Oh please don’t let that mean what I think it does._ “Are you saying I should let Lily – shag _him_.” His stomach turned at the very thought.

“First of all, unless you two are together you can’t prevent her from doing anything and maybe not even then.” Cris put the now filled bag on the floor and sat in a chair opposite Severus. “And second, May has always been under the impression that if Lily went out with this Potter chap once or twice, maybe had a snog or two, it would die out, as long as you were there waiting.”

“As long as I was there?”

“Listen, from what you and May have told me and what I’ve seen, it’s going to come down to either you or him. The fact is, you have the inside track, you’re the best friend, the person she wants when things go wrong, the one she leans on and she already loves you on some level. Mate, I honestly believe that as long as you don’t cock it up you’re the one she’ll end up with. You just have to be patient and if she wants to go out with him a time or two then be the best friend. Listen when she talks to you. You have to be the bigger man, when he wants to fight, back away.”

Severus was all set to reply to that one but Cris cut him off. “Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying let him beat the crap out of you, but try to find a way out that doesn’t include fighting. And don’t put him down to her. You have to be above those sort of things. Soon, she’ll see you’re more mature then him. You did a big thing when you agreed to change. It showed her how much you care about her. What type of person you are deep down inside, a good person, with convictions and ideals. Believe me when I tell you you’re close, closer than you think. All you have to do is play your cards right.”

“Do really think so?”

“I firmly believe that by the time you leave school you and Lily will be together.”

Severus felt a weight lift off of him; it was good to know Cris thought he and Lily could be together. There was only one thing Cris had said that he wasn’t sure he agreed with.

“Cris, can I ask you a personal question?”

“Sure.”

“Would you let Honoria go off with another man?”

“I already have.”

“What?!”

“Do you think I don’t know she shagged that rugby player? I’m not an idiot. But now he’s out of her system and ultimately she came back to me”

This puzzled Severus. “How can you forgive her?”

“Because I love her. Can you look at me and tell me, truthfully, you wouldn’t forgive Lily if she had sex with Potter? That if she showed up the next day in tears and told you she was sorry and she wanted you, you wouldn’t take her back with open arms?”

He knew the answer before Cris had even finished answering the question. “No, I’d take her back. The thing is…” he could feel himself blushing but wanted to be honest with Cris “I’ve been waiting to - you know - for the first time because I wanted it to be with her. Maybe it’s stupid but I wanted it to mean something, for both of us.”

“And it will, but you might not end in being her first. I know that’s not what you want but it is a fact you have to face. And if it makes you feel any better the first time’s never that great, you’ll be nervous and she’ll be uncomfortable and it won’t be anything like what you pictured. Maybe it’s better if your first time isn’t together.”

“Are you saying _I_ should go shag someone else?”

“Not particularly. Just don’t get upset if you don’t – get there first.”

He must have continued to look doubtful because Cris looked at him searchingly for a moment “Can I ask _you_ a personal question?”

“Go ahead.”

“Have you done anything?”

“With Lily?”

“No, at all. Have you snogged a girl or anything?”

“Yes, I’ve kissed a girl.”

“Is that it?”

Severus knew he must be beet red by now. “No.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want.”

“It’s fine. Truthfully it’s one of the stupider things I’ve done. There was a night at the beginning of last year and my roommates brought some girls into the dorm room, we’re not supposed to have girls in the room but our head of house doesn’t seem to care. Anyway, they were all playing this kissing game, Avery and Mulciber are always ribbing me for being a prude and I suppose I was sick of listening to it so I played.”

“And kissed one of the girls.”

“That’s how it started, but soon they all went off and we were just sitting there. Then she told me I was a good kisser, and I was upset because Lily had been flirting with _him_ so I sort of carried on. Things ended in going a lot farther than I wanted them to. I guess I got caught up in the moment.”

“How much further?”

“Quite a bit.”

“I thought you said you hadn’t...”

“I haven’t.”

“You stopped?”

“Yes.”

“I always knew you had will power Severus but that is impressive.”

“If I had will power I would have never betrayed Lily in the first place.”

“You two aren’t together, so you didn’t betray her. Just like she’s not betraying you if she goes out on a date with that Potter chap or even if she shags him.”

“Cris, I think you’re a better man than I am.”

“No, I’m not. Because… if you ever tell anyone I told you this.”

“You’ll never speak to me again?”

“Never.”

“Not a word, ever.”

“I slept with someone else after I found out about Honoria. So you see I’m not so good after all.”

Severus was shocked by Cris’ admission and knew it showed when Cris smiled at him sadly and said, “I see I’ve fallen off the pedestal.”

“I never thought you would do something like that.”

“Neither did I, but it seems we all have our moments of idiocy.”

“What did May say?”

“Didn’t tell her. It’s just you and me on this one.”

“Oh.” He knew he should be more appalled at what Cris had told him but all he could think was it was all true. Cris had meant what he said. Severus was part of his family, trusted with a deep, dark secret.

It felt good. Good to be trusted, to have someone he could talk to about male things, because heaven knew he would never tell Lily about what had happened in his bed that night. In fact, it felt so good he was going to keep going.

“Cris, do you know what it is Lily asked me to do this past summer?”

“Only that she asked you not to join something called the Death Eaters.”

“And did she tell you who they are and what they do?”

“No, and I gather she was a little vague with May as well. Though I have to say what I have heard doesn’t sound good.”

Severus cleared his throat, this was going to be hard but he could practically hear Lily telling him that the people who loved him would forgive him.

“Severus, just wait and tell me when you tell mum. Might be easier to only have to do it once.”

“Is there anything you don’t know?” Severus asked, awed by the blonde’s knowledge.

“Recently it doesn’t seem like it. But I think mum’s a little unsure of what to do plus she thinks it might be easier for you to have another man to talk to so she keeps me posted. Asks me how you’re doing in school or if I think you need anything. Oh, that reminds me if she asks then we’ve talked okay?”

“We have.”

“Somehow I don’t think I’ve done this the way that she wanted me to. If I remember correctly I was meant to tell you to wait until you’re married and to use birth control, that sort of thing. I’ve tried to block out what dad said, it was so humiliating, there were diagrams and everything. I think if I hadn’t already had sex I would have been terrified to after that little talk.”

“Is that why you asked me to come with you?”

“In part. I gave mum my word back in September that I’d talk to you about this particular subject and I didn’t want to write it in a letter. Not that I think you need this sort of talk, God knows you’re the smartest of all of us by a long chalk, so I figure you’ve probably worked the basics out on your own. And it seemed prudent to escape; no good can come of all four of those ladies being in the kitchen at the same time. This way we’ll have missed most of world war three and we’ve had some “male bonding time,” at least I think that’s what mum called it. I hope this hasn’t been too – awkward.”

“No, I’m glad I can talk to someone about Lily.”

“Any time you want to talk, drop me a line or ring me.”

“Thanks.”

“Sure thing. We should go before mum phones looking for us.” Cris picked up the two bags from the floor and headed for the door. “I was thinking, if you come to the country house this summer for a couple of weeks I could teach you to drive. It would help mum out if you could do part of it. You know, to King’s Cross and back.”

“She drove down herself.”

Worry creased Cris’ forehead “I know and I’m not so happy about that. Do you think she’s looking a little tired?”

“I assumed it was because she’s still grieving over Daniel.”

“Maybe. Oh well, Let’s go home.”

Severus nodded and followed Cris out of the house.

The week that followed was quiet and enjoyable. During the day they would play board games or watch telly, nights were filled with good food and stories. His back was slowly healing and by the time Violet drove Petunia to the train station four days later the bruises had begun to fade to a sickly yellowish green colour.

Severus had been surprised by Petunia’s behaviour this past week, it wasn’t that she was being particularly nice to him but she had said nothing mean to him and that was a far cry from usual. Still, he couldn’t help but be grateful when she left to spend a few days with the Dursley’s at their house in the south. He was surprised when Violet asked him to accompany her to the train station. He wasn’t sure why, though he did notice Cris was right and Violet was looking especially fatigued. But when he asked her about it she replied it was the bustle of the holidays and she would soon be as right as rain.

The whole way back to Bloom Street he kept waiting for her to ask him about the Death Eaters since he had finally reached the conclusion he had been asked to accompany her so they could speak privately. The holidays were drawing to a close and he had to guess his reprieve had only lasted this long because of Petunia’s presence. Instead, Violet chatted to him about school and seemed intrigued by his meeting with Hippos, questioning him about what the line of work entailed and if it would require additional training. He was happy he had a legitimate line of work to tell her about and went into raptures about all the things he hoped to study. Having reached the house, they both left the car, but half way to the door Violet announced she had forgotten her gloves and asked him to go back for them. A thorough search of the car turned up nothing and he headed back to the house empty handed. He thought he saw the curtain twitch as he headed back up the walk but ignored it. The house seemed oddly quiet when he opened the front door.

“Violet, I couldn’t find them!” He called down the hall.

“I’m in the kitchen.”

Severus pulled his jacket off and hung it on the hallstand. Passing the empty lounge he walked down the hall and pushed on the swinging door. The moment it opened he was greeted by the site of four people gathered around a table.

“Happy Birthday!” The group coursed.

Slightly stunned he entered the kitchen and looked at the cake. The words “Happy Birthday Severus” were scrawled across it in green icing. “My birthday’s not until next week.”

Lily laughed brightly. “We know that, silly, but you and I will be back at school by then.”

“Can’t have much of a party without the birthday boy can we?” inquired Cris.

“He’s not a boy any longer. He’s seventeen and that means he’s of age in the wizarding world,” Lily corrected.

May giggled, “so is he the birthday man then?”

“Whatever the case, what we need now is for Severus to blow out his candles so we can eat lunch and open gifts.” Violet smiled at him gently as he crossed to the table. “Don’t forget to make a wish.”

He closed his eyes and wished with all his heart Lily would fall in love with him this year. Taking a deep breath in he blew all the candles out in one go while everyone around him applauded. Violet took the cake up and put it on the counter. “We’ll have cake after lunch. Lily told us toad in a hole is your favourite so that’s what we’re having.”

“I’m afraid it doesn’t look so good. I started but wasn’t doing well and May had to rescue me.” Lily smiled at him apologetically.

“Wait a minute, hasn’t Severus always said it’s a challenge keeping up with you in potions?”

“Yes, Cris.”

“Wouldn’t making potions be similar to cooking?”

Lily squirmed in her seat slightly. “I suppose.”

“Then shouldn’t you be a good cook?”

“You would think that logically wouldn’t you? Unfortunately, with Lily that doesn’t seem to be the case. Luckily, I think I’ve managed to save it, at least it puffed up the way it was meant to.”

Violet put the dish down on the table and they all peeked at it.

“Well, I think the tradition is that the birthday person gets to eat first. So here you go.” Cris held out a knife and turner to Severus.

He carefully cut out five generous portions and put them on plates. Once everyone had a serving all eyes turned to him, apparently waiting for him to take the first bite. He cut off a piece and put it in his mouth. It was as if all the moisture had been sucked out of him instantaneously. It might be the saltiest thing he had ever eaten, but Lily looked so hopeful he couldn’t possibly say anything. So he nodded his head approvingly. Everyone looked relieved and picked up their own forks. He continued to chew, hoping at some point his throat would open up enough to allow him to swallow.

Across the table, Cris started to choke, while May was trying to discreetly spit her bite into her napkin.

Violet dropped her fork with a clatter. “Lily, how much salt did you put in this?”

Lily, who had eaten nothing, picked up a fork in preparation to take a bite.

“Don’t!” three voices all chimed together.

“Is it that bad?” she asked sadly.

Severus wanted to tell her it was fine but his mouth was so dry he was certain he had lost the powers of speech.

“Lils, the Dead Sea has less salt than this pudding.”

Severus could see the tears welling in her eyes and at long last managed to gag down the food.

“Lily,” his voice sounded strangled, even to his own ears. “It’s – thank you for trying.”

“I just wanted you to have a nice birthday.”

He took a long drink of water before looking at her and smiling broadly, his eyes holding hers. “This is the best birthday I’ve had in a long time.”

“And on the bright side May’s the one who made the cake, though I wrote on it. So we know that’s edible.” Cris looked at Lily and laughed, “Oh, come on, Lils, we all know you tried but maybe scale it back on the salt next time.”

“I was sure that I put in just what the recipe said to.”

“Everyone makes mistakes when they first start cooking. If you knew the number of burnt meals your father ate when we first got married.” Violet laughed nostalgically, “he always called them his brown around the edges meals. How that man didn’t starve I’ll never know – For now, I think sandwiches are in order and I’ll make a fresh batch of toad in the hole for dinner. Is that fine with you, Sev?”

“Yes.”

Violet gathered the plates and put them and the casserole dish up in the sink before bustling around the kitchen, pulling out all the makings for sandwiches. While Violet did this, Severus became aware of the fact that Lily seemed unable to take her eyes off of him.

“What?” he asked, uncomfortable with the look she was giving him.

“Mum called you, Sev,” Lily said bewilderedly.

 “I know.”

“But…”

“I told her she could. Why, does it bother you?”

“No,” her eyes were sparkling delightedly. “What about May and Cris?”

“What about them?”

“Can they call you, Sev?”

He looked at the two people sitting opposite him. He could see worry in their eyes and knew this would be his final stamp of approval, his unspoken way of saying he was taking them to be his family. “If they want.”

Cris nodded his head approvingly, while May interjected with, “good, Severus is too long to say all the time.”

Violet put a plate of meat and cheese in front of him before ruffling his hair affectionately and returning to the pantry for some bread. Once she had returned to her seat everyone dug into the platters, talking to one another and building their sandwiches. Severus could only watch them. If he was going to take these people to be his family then he had one other thing he had to do. As soon as everyone had their sandwich made he cleared his throat, waiting until all eyes were on him to speak.

“I have to tell you all something. I – I don’t rightly know how to do this so I’m just going to start and if you have any questions I’ll answer them when I’m done.”

Next to him, Lily put down her ham and cheese and slid her hand under the table to grasp his. He took one look into her emerald eyes and knew she knew what he was about to do. She nodded encouragingly, and gave his hand a squeeze, a silent affirmation that no matter what, at the end of this he would still be her best friend, she would still love him. Taking courage from that fact he began to tell the people around the table about the Death Eaters.

He held little back, telling them what he knew of Voldemort, his plans and ambitions, what he knew about the group surrounding the man. He told them why he had wanted to join and this time he was entirely truthful. There were no half-truths like he had told Lily last June when he didn’t want her to know what things were like in his house. He said that he was tired of being bullied and beat on, wanted to not be some broke boy from the wrong side of the river, wanted to protect the people he cared about. On and on he talked, the only thing he couldn’t bring himself to tell them was how the only way to leave the Death Eaters was to die.

 In the whole course of the story, he never once looked up, he wasn’t sure what he would see if he did. In the back of his mind, he tried to figure out what he would do if Violet chucked him out at the end of this tale. He hoped that what he was saying now about how he had changed his mind, and his and Lily’s plan to get him out would save him. When he had said the last word of apology, he waited. The room was as silent as he had ever heard it. Just as the fear was threatening to completely consume him, Violet spoke. “I can’t say that I’m not disappointed, Severus.”

His head drooped lower. It seemed to him Lily’s hand had loosened around his. He was doomed.

“But, if you mean it about not wanting to join this group then I think I can see fit to overlook it.”

There in his heart, was a flicker of hope. He slowly raised his head to meet her eyes. “Really?”

“We all make mistakes, the best we can hope for is to learn from them and not make the same ones again.”

“Then you forgive me? All of you?” His eyes raced around the table, looking at each of them in turn, finally stopping to rest on Lily.

“You know that I forgive you, Sev.”

“I was always in favour of giving you a second chance.”

“Thank you, May.”

Now there was only Cris left to voice his thoughts. Severus was surprised to discover how much the older man’s good opinion mattered to him now. So it was with trepidation that Severus looked at him. Cris returned the look, his eyes wary. “You’re sure you can get out of this?”

Severus knew Cris was the only one of them who didn’t believe what he had said about how easy it would be to back out. “One way or another.”

“Promise us you’ll be careful.”

“I will.”

“Then you have my forgiveness and support, Sev.”

Cris’ use of the nickname sealed it all. Lily had been right; he had found mercy and redemption. It turned out Cris was also right, coming clean was hard but it did help. It was as if an enormous weight had been lifted from him. He could tell the truth to the people around this table, he didn’t have to lie or hide. He could be himself, whoever that was. Could cock up royally and still have his place and forgiveness.

This was reinforced when he opened Violet’s birthday gift. There, resting on a pool of blue velvet, was a pocket watch, his name and date of birth engraved on the inside cover. It was the gift of a mother to a son and he knew she knew this. 

As he prepared for bed that night, Severus felt happier than he had in more years than he could count. He was a little startled when someone knocked on the door but crossed to it and opened it. Lily stood outside a small package in her hand.

“Can I come in?”

He held open the door and let her enter.

“Where’s Cris?”

“Taking a shower.”

“Good, I wanted to wait until we were alone to give you this,” she hesitantly held the green box out to him.

“What is it?”

“Your birthday present. Did you think I had forgotten?”

“No, you just usually give me my gift on my actual birthday.”

“I can’t wait this year. You don’t even have to rip the paper, if you don’t want.”

He smiled at little at that and took the box from her hand. He waited until she sat down next to him on the bed before gently releasing the paper. Inside was a small silver case. He looked at her curiously for a moment before she took it from his hand and pressed a catch. The two halves sprung open and he was surprised to see the photo of his gram looking back at him.

“I thought I’d lost this,” he whispered

“I’m sorry, I took it on the train ride. I wanted to get it framed for you.”

His eyes caught hers. “Thank you, Lily. This is a great gift.”

“I’m glad you like it.” Her eyes trailed down and now seemed fixed on his lips.

His throat was starting to go dry again, “Lily.”

Her eyes didn’t move from his lips. “Um hmm.”

Severus put the picture down on the bed and reached out, brushing her hair back from her face. Lily’s breath caught and he could see the vein in her neck jump slightly. His tongue darted out and wet his lips slightly. It seemed she was slowly edging towards him, her head turning slightly. He could smell the scent of toffee from pudding on her; feel her breath on his lips. His own heart was racing, this was it, he was going to kiss Lily Evans.

“Lily!”

The door slammed open and they jumped apart.

Lily looked a little flustered but she quickly suppressed it and turned to May, her smile overly bright. “Yes, May.”

“I just talking to Alex and guess what?!”

“What?”

“He wants me to go on holiday with him!”

“That’s great, May.”

May squealed and drug Lily from the room. Just before she passed out of the door Lily threw one last look at Severus from over her shoulder. With a groan he threw himself back on the bed, removing the frame from under his back. “Stupid Lord Alex,” he muttered before pulling the covers up over him and rolling over.

 


	23. Left Behind

Lily sat in the prefect’s compartment next to Remus Lupin. The Hogwart’s Express was edging its way northward and she was trying to pay attention to what Frank was telling them about the altered patrol schedule, but try as she might she couldn’t focus. The truth was, she had been in turmoil since the night of Severus’ birthday party. The night she thought he would kiss her, the night she had discovered she wanted him to kiss her. So there it was, the truth at long last, she fancied Severus. It was a revelation that should have made her life easier, but it didn’t. Because horribly enough, she also had to admit to herself that she fancied James Potter. So here she was, caught in some sort of horrid paperback novel because surely that was the only place a woman could fancy two men at once, two men who happened to be absolute worst enemies.

Now she didn’t know what to do and May had been no help. She had seemed totally unsurprised by the news that Lily fancied Severus. May had merely laughed and said, _“Of course you do.”_

The information she had interrupted them when they were only seconds away from kissing seemed to have a much bigger impact. So much so that she had told Lily she would happily remove her brother from the guest room so Lily and Severus could snog each other breathless. But by then Lily had been so embarrassed she had begged May to let the matter go. It was one thing to kiss Severus when they were caught up in a moment and quite another to go in to the guest room with the intention of pouncing on him. Besides there was that whole pesky James problem. When Lily had mentioned this to May, her friend had thrown her hands in the air and told Lily to just go snog them both. Lily couldn’t think what that would solve, nothing most likely. And heaven help her if one or both of them found out she had kissed the other.

No, it had to be one or the other. The question was how to decide, and she had no answer for that conundrum. Thinking about it made her head spin, even making a list of the pluses and minuses of being with each one hadn’t helped. So it seemed that for that moment she was stuck in indecision city. The only thing she could think to do at the moment was to carry on as normal until a solution presented its self.

Luckily, one of her major worries had turned out to be a non-issue. Lily had spent the whole night of the almost kiss tossing and turning, wondering how Severus would act in the morning. Would it be strange and awkward between them now? Would he try to kiss her again? What if she didn’t like it? Even more terrifying what if she did? She had spent most of the morning hiding in her bedroom, but eventually hunger and the fact that she knew there was a party waiting for her downstairs drove her to the kitchen. Surprisingly, Severus acted no differently than he did at any other time. Actually, that wasn’t entirely true, Lily couldn’t help but notice there was a new look in his eyes, a gentle, yearning look. And he seemed overly careful around her, like when they were in the car today, as if he didn’t trust himself to sit to close. But he had promised to hold a seat for her on the train so she hoped the awkwardness would be temporary.

“Psst, Lily.”

Lily started and looked around the now almost empty compartment. “Yes.”

“You do know everyone else left five minutes ago, right.”

“Did they? Sorry, Remus I was thinking.”

“I gathered. Is something wrong?”

“No, I’m just trying to make a decision.”

“About?”

Remus was looking at her concern filling his eyes. He had proven himself to be a good and understanding friend this past year, not that he hadn’t been before, but this year he had gone over and above. Even though he was James’ friend he had never tried to push Lily towards dating his fellow Marauder. Perhaps he could help, though it would probably be prudent to not be too up front.

“Well, over Christmas break I got two gifts. Unfortunately, because of circumstances I can’t keep them both. I have to pick one or the other and I can’t decide which to keep and which to let go.”

“Why can’t you keep both?”

Lily thought fast. “One’s a dog and the other’s a cat and they don’t get on at all. So keeping both is not a possibility.”

A light dawned at the back of Remus’ eyes. “Ahh, they might harm each other is that it?”

“I’m very much afraid so.”

“Do you mind if I ask which you like more, the cat or the dog?”

“I’ve had the cat for a long time and I can’t imagine my life without him. He’s always around when I need him, solid, dependable, loyal, loving. On the other hand, the dog is funny and cute and endearing in an annoying sort of way. So you see my problem?”

“Yes, I think so. I take it you don’t actually prefer one over the other.”

“In one way yes, but in another no.”

“And I gather you feel the cat mightn’t like the dog being in your life.”

“No, the dog definitely gets the cat’s back up. On purpose I think, which frankly is one of the dog’s less appealing qualities.”

“Hmm and I have to say the dog probably wouldn’t be so keen on you keeping the cat if you took him in.”

“Oh, the cat’s staying no matter what.”

“I thought you said you had to get rid of one of them.”

“Only in a manner of speaking. It’s more a question of which one gets to stay in the house and which one has to sleep outside, than a question of getting rid of either one.”

“Glad we cleared that up. Have you talked to either the cat or the dog?”

Lily was now certain she and Remus were on the same page and undoubtedly Remus probably had figured out who the two people in question were. “No, I don’t think I can at this stage. It might be best if I was a little further towards making a decision before speaking to either one.”

“Fair enough, though you clearly have to make a choice because it’s not fair to either one of them to keep them both up in the air.”

“I know. I don’t want to hurt either one of them Rem.”

“I think that’s unavoidable because both the cat and the dog fancy you quite a bit.”

“I was afraid of that. So how do I decide, what you would do?”

Remus laughed, “Lily, the likelihood I would ever be in a situation where both a cat and a dog would want me is so small it’s practically non-existent. In fact, I don’t think I could get even one, much less both.”

“That’s not true, you’re lovely. If I wasn’t sure I wanted either the cat or the dog I would be more than happy to add you to the mix.”

“I’m flattered, truly. But I would have to say no.”

“Why? Do you not fancy girls? Not that I’d care if you fancied blokes.”

Remus laughed until tears ran down his face. “Is that what you think, that I’m gay?”

“It’s an option.”

“It so happens I fancied you for about four months in third year.”

“Really, how come you never said anything?”

“Outside of the obvious reason that the dog is my friend and I would never do that to him?” Remus’ face suddenly became serious. “Lily, there’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while, but it is a very great secret.”

“How great?”

“Severus wanting to not become a Death Eater great.”

“Oh – I won’t breathe a word.”

Remus swallowed hard and seemed to search for words for several moments. “I suppose I could do this one of two ways. I could feel you out, see what you think about having a friend who’s a little unruly at certain times of the month. Or I could just blurt out that I’m a werewolf and hope you don’t run screaming from the compartment.”

Lily felt her eyes grow wide. “You mean Sev was right?”

“Severus knows I’m a werewolf? How?” Remus sounded panicked beyond belief.

“He doesn’t know for certain. It’s a hypothesis he made in second year. I never believed him, I thought you were just sickly.”

“Who else has he told?”

“No one but me. Rem, Sev would never make an allegation like that unless he had proof.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“Don’t worry. I know Sev, and I can keep him in line on this one.”

“Know how to make the cat purr do we?”

Lily blushed and nodded.

“Okay, Lily, I’m going to dispense with the whole cat/dog thing. Since Severus is clearly the cat and I’m going to guess James is the dog. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.”

“No, you’re right.”

“I have to guess you’ve finally woken up to the fact both of them fancy you.”

“You knew Sev fancied me?”

“Lily, everyone in school knows Severus fancies you. First years who have been at Hogwarts two weeks have got it figured out.”

“Merlin am I stupid.”

“Not stupid, just a little thick. You do know that’s why James and Severus hate each other don’t you?”

“You mean they’re fighting over me?”

Remus groaned and fell back against the seat. “And I thought I had problems. Yes Lily. James fancies you and hates Severus for fancying you and vice versa.”

Lily clasped her hand over her mouth. “Oh my word.”

Remus shook his head in apparent disbelief. “Look, they know, we all know, have known for an age, that it’s going to come down to one of the two of them. So they bait one another, perhaps in the hopes of ruining the other in your eyes. They’re desperate, Lily. Each feels if they just remove the other from the race they’ll be the one to win you.”

“Did James provoke Sev into calling me a mudblood?”

“Not deliberately, but he definitely thought Severus was out of the picture at that point. You could have knocked him over with a feather when he found out you two were still friends at the beginning of the year.”

“So James thought he had won?”

“Not exactly. What he did think was his biggest competition had been removed.” There was several beats of silence before Remus spoke again, “Lily, do you fancy James?”

“Yes, but I also…”

“Fancy Severus.”

“Yes. I don’t know what to do, Remus. No matter what choice I make it seems like it will be the wrong one.”

Remus sighed, “I wish I could tell you what to do. For the sake of my friend, I would have you pick James. For the sake of Severus’ future I would tell you to pick him. But ultimately you have to be with the one that will make you happiest.”

“I don’t know which one that is and I can’t figure out how to decide. My friend, May says I should just snog them both. I can’t see how that would help.”

“Maybe – I hope all three of you forgive me for this one – but maybe her idea is that if you kiss them both then you would know which one you like more.”

“Do you think it would work?”

“I honestly don’t know. Maybe you could just go on a date with James and tell that way.”

“Wouldn’t I have to go on a date with Sev as well?”

“I thought you already had.”

“When?”

“Every Hogsmeade weekend this year. Frankly Lily, I thought you and Severus were already together.”

“Really?”

“Really. You two have been so close all year, I just assumed you hadn’t told people because you were waiting for him to get out of his predicament.”

“No, I just figured out how I felt about Sev when I was sick.”

“And James?”

“I’ve known about a year.”

Remus shook his head sadly.

“I never thought I’d be in this situation. Is it bad to want them both?”

“No, it’s only bad if you string them both along. Look, the truth is, you either have to pick one or let them both go. And no one can tell you which one to pick or who’s going to make you happier, only you can do that. I _can_ promise you no matter who you end up with I’ll still be your friend.”

Lily felt tears well in her eyes and reaching across the seat she gave Remus a hug. “Thank you for that and for listening. And, just so you know, I don’t care that you’re a werewolf. You’re a great person and someday some lucky girl is going to figure that out and make you all kinds of happy.”

“Not so sure about that.”

“Well I am. I’m so sure of it I’m claiming a dance at your wedding right now.”

“No one in her right mind is going to marry me.”

“Well then we’ll have to find you someone who’s a little eccentric.”

Remus laughed. “Come on, let’s go – we’re too young to talk about getting married. Personally I just hope I make it through N.E.W.T.s without completely losing my mind. Did you see how stressed Frank looked?”

“I know it’s desperate isn’t it?”

“Must be if we’re worrying about it already.”

With a laugh they both exited the compartment and headed down the corridor, parting company when they reached the compartment the Marauders were in. James looked at her longingly from inside, she gave him a little half smile and continued on her way. She didn’t find Severus until she entered the last car. Not surprisingly both Urania and Clive were in the compartment with him, as was Ametus Falconar intently studying the book that was open in front of him and Severus. She opened the door and slid in. Severus glanced up and gave her a small smile before going back to explaining the uses of boomslang skin to the Gryffindor.

Interestingly the other occupants seemed to be listening just as intently. Really when he put his mind to it Severus could be quite a good teacher, though she couldn’t see him doing it on a regular basis. He just didn’t have the patience or temperament to deal with people who weren’t already highly skilled at his chosen topic. Such as Urania, whose goal seemed to be climbing into Severus’ lap, at least if Lily was judging by how close the girl was sitting to him. She couldn’t help but smile as he attempted to inch a little further away from her. If he moved over much further he would be sitting in Ametus’ lap. She supposed the nice thing to do was save him, though watching Severus try to work his way out of a socially awkward situation was always entertaining.

“So, I take it this is the lead up to O.W.L.s?” She inquired of Ametus.

“Yes. Were you this stressed last year?”

“Not really, Sev had us on a pretty strict study schedule. I had no time to be nervous, I barely had time to eat or sleep.”

“Funny, Lil.”

“Still it got us through and with only one E.”

He looked up and scowled at her, though she could see the laughter in his eyes.

“I’m sure Sev could never get an E. He’s too perfect for that.”

Really Urania got a T for subtly Lily thought.

“Don’t! Call me Sev and I’m a far cry from perfect.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.” Urania simpered next to him.

Lily could tell her best friend was only seconds away from losing his temper. “Urania, I need to get something out of my trunk, could I maybe ask you to move for a second so I can get it out?”

The girl glared at her but stood and moved to sit next to Clive. Lily clambered up on the seat and was reminded of the train ride home and Severus’ hands on her waist. She shivered a little, causing him to look up. “I’m a little cold,” she hastily said.

“Oh, maybe you should get a jumper.”

“I’m looking,” she whispered though in reality she was completely distracted by the dark pools staring up at her.

“I can give you mine.” Reaching down, he pulled the grey jumper over his head, accidentally pulling up his shirt with it.

Lily heard Urania gasp and was hard pressed not to echo the younger girl. Who knew Severus had such beautiful abs? He reached up his right hand to her. “Here.”

She gratefully took his hand and scrambled down, still unable to tear her gaze away from his. It wasn’t until he held the jumper out to her and she pulled it on over her head that they finally broke eye contact. “Thank you, Severus.”

“No problem,” he swallowed hard before turning his attention back to Ametus. “Where were we?”

“Asphodel.”

“Yes, asphodelus ramosus is a herb in the Asparagales family. It is distinguished by its highly branched stem and small fruits. It also bears…”

Lily sat down on the other side of him, taking the seat Urania had so recently vacated. If she shifted just so then she could feel the pressure of his leg against hers. Between that and the comforting scent of him drifting from the jumper she soon fell asleep, her head eventually coming to rest on his shoulder.

It was some time later when she felt a hand gently shaking her. “Lily – Lil, wake up – we’re here.”

She mumbled a little and twisted onto her side, wrapping her arms around his waist. Apparently his shirt had hitched up because her hand hit bare flesh. Severus gasped her name, his breath shallow and rapid. It was this that finally pulled her out of her dreams, though for some reason she couldn’t bring herself to move.

“Lily, you have to wake up now.” She noted he was starting to sound a little panicked.

Yawning widely she opened her eyes. Her face was pressed against his neck and his right arm was draped loosely around her. “Where are we?” She asked blearily.

“Hogsmeade.”

“Where’s everyone else?”

“I don’t know, they were gone when I woke up. I’ve been trying to wake you for a while now.”

Lily finally understood what he was saying and jumped to her feet. “Sev! I’m a prefect I’m supposed to help!”

“I think you’re a little late for that.”

“Come on, we have to go!” She frantically scrambled to grab her cloak. When she turned she was surprised to see Severus hadn’t moved so much as a centimetre. “Sev! Come on!”

“You go; I’ll be out in a minute.”

“We don’t have time for you to be mysterious right now.”

“Lily, please. I’ll be out in a minute!” His eyes pleaded at her to go.

Not sure what was happening Lily flung the cloak around herself and exited the compartment. Once outside she looked up and down the platform, there wasn’t a carriage in sight. She sighed and turned, promptly slamming into Severus. His arms instinctively wrapped around her and they staggered back several steps until he connected with the train. He winced as Lily fell against him, causing his back to slam into the side of the train. They were pressed so closely together Lily could now feel every inch of him.

She suddenly knew why he had wanted to stay on the train without her, could feel it. Her breath caught and her eyes lifted to meet his. Surprisingly his slid away, as his hands wrapped around her arms and gently pushed her away.

“Are you alright?” He asked.

“Yes,” she replied breathlessly. “You?”

“I’m – I’m fine,” whispered Severus hoarsely.

She couldn’t stop staring at him, she wanted to look in his eyes, see what he was thinking.

“Sev.” The name came out strangled. This time his gaze met hers and held. She felt her tongue slid out and lick her lips. His eyes drifted to her mouth and then came back to meet hers.

They seemed to stand that way for a lifetime. There was something growing between them, a strange sort of magnetic energy. Something Lily was unable to identify but it was causing her stomach to twist and turn on itself. Warmth was slowly spreading throughout her body, to places she hadn’t even known existed two minutes ago. The tension grew and grew until she felt surely they would be consumed by it if something didn’t happen. Severus took one tentative step towards her and then abruptly stopped. She took a hesitant step towards him. His eyes widened.

“Sev?”

“Yes, Lily?”

She didn’t know what to say now, only knew she had to break this tension somehow, “your back.”

“My back?” He appeared to be perplexed, almost as though he had forgotten he had a back.

“Is it hurt?”

“No.” He shook his head slowly, a few strands of hair clung to his lips.

This wasn’t helping and she almost didn’t care. She slowly crossed to him and gently caressed his upper lip with her thumb, pushing the hair away. She was fixated on his lips. How had she never noticed before how red they were, how soft? He shuttered as she ran her finger over them again. Then he swallowed hard and seemed to find a resolve in himself because when he spoke his voice had returned to its normal cadence and volume though the accent was as thick as she had ever heard it.

“I see we’ve been left.”

It took her a second to process what he was saying. Her hand fell away from him, though she was still unable to tear her eyes away. “What do we do now?”

His eyes shut briefly and his chest heaved as he took a deep breath in. Slowly he released the breath and let his eyes open again. Lily knew he was now fully in control. When he spoke again the tell-tale northern accent was gone, replaced by the cultured, upper-class one he had worked so hard to cultivate. “I think our only choice is to walk. You’d think someone would have woken us.”

“You want us to walk to the school?” She asked after taking her own deep breath. The air between them shifted and she knew they were once again back on best friend ground.

“Why not? We do it when we go to the village on the weekends.”

“We’ll miss curfew.”

“No, we won’t. I know a short cut.”

“And what about our trunks?”

“Shrink them?”

“Alright.”

They quickly climbed back on board the train. Lily waited while Severus dug his cloak out and then shrank their trunks down until they could conveniently be carried in one hand. Once outside, Severus threw his cloak around himself before looking at her and smiling.

“Ready?”

“Lead the way.”

Taking up his trunk he led them off the platform and down the track. They hadn’t gone much more than ten yards when he veered off to the side, headed, it appeared towards the forest. Lily stopped dead in her tracks. Surely Severus didn’t mean for them to go in there. After several moments she ran to catch up with him, her trunk banging against her leg.

“Sev, wait!”

He stopped and turned to look at her. “Come on, Lily if we don’t hurry we won’t make curfew.”

“You want us to go in there?” She raised her finger and pointed at the inky blackness in front of them.

“It’s the only way.”

“Have you completely lost your mind, Severus Snape? We can’t go in the Forest, it’s forbidden. Part of the name and everything.”

“Lily, it’ll be fine. I know how to get through there.”

She shook her head; she didn’t want to go in there. Who knew what lived in the forest. Rumour had it Hagrid had everything from dragons, to giants, to chimera hidden in there.

Severus let out a little laugh, “are you telling me a Slytherin is willing to go somewhere a Gryffindor won’t?”

She knew he was trying to get her back up, to goad her into going into the forest with him. “I thought Slytherins were shrewd and cunning. This seems neither shrewd nor cunning, Mr. Slytherin, so this Gryffindor will take the path, thank you very much.”

“Lil, they lock the gates once all the carriages are through. We can’t get in that way.”

“There must be some way to get through the gate.”

“There isn’t, believe me.”

She wanted to ask how he knew but assumed he had read it in _Hogwarts: A History_. She continued to hesitate and he appeared content to stand there while she debated with herself, perhaps because he was sure she would give in in the end.

As if to nudge her, he said softly, “come on, Lil, I’ll protect you.”

“Promise?”

“Yes,” he stated emphatically.

She nodded and switched her trunk to her right hand before resolutely striding to his side. His eyes met hers and he gave her an encouraging half smile before walking into the forest. Lily’s heart was racing, but she summoned up her resolve and followed him. Severus had pulled his wand from his pocket and the area surrounding him was bathed in the dim light of his lumos charm. He turned and looked back at her, waving her forward then he leaned in and whispered, “stay next to me and try to stay as quiet as possible.”

Lily nodded a little nervously. Severus gave her a tight-lipped smile before striding off. Lily tried desperately to keep up with him but his legs were longer than hers, and for every step he took she had to take two. Even worse, her trunk was becoming increasingly heavy, while his appeared to bother him not at all, but as long as Severus was in sight she wasn’t too worried. He was almost as brilliant at Defense Against the Dark Arts as he was in Potions.

The forest seemingly went on forever and Lily was certain it was already far past curfew. Thankfully, nothing had bothered them and she was starting to wonder if most of the stories people told about the forest were made up, they were probably perfectly safe. At least that’s what she thought until she felt something grab onto her skirt from behind. She fought the urge to scream, especially since Severus had almost disappeared from sight. She clutched her wand a little tighter and turned to see what was holding onto her so tightly. She almost laughed with sheer relief when she saw her skirt was tangled around the branch of a bush.

She dropped her trunk to the ground and grasped her wand in her teeth, even though she knew she shouldn’t. Twisting she tried to untangle the plaid material from the branch, which had somehow become looped and hopelessly tangled. Unfortunately the skirt was a little too tight and a little too short to make manoeuvring easy, but it was one of her favourites. She hitched the skirt a little higher, hoping to be able to give herself more room to move even if it was only enough to break the branch and free herself. Even with this she still wasn’t able to reach the branch, sighing she reached around for the zip on the skirt. Thinking if she could turn the skirt then maybe she would have better luck freeing herself. She had just grasped the pull when she heard a sharp intake of breath. Turning she saw Severus standing before her, seemingly transfixed.

She pulled the wand from her mouth and whispered softly “I’m stuck.”

He nodded and slowly began advancing towards her. It was only when he’d gotten closer Lily saw his eyes were glazed and filled with a look she had never seen before. She also noticed he was walking awkwardly, like he was trying to be relaxed, when everyone of his muscles was really stiff and tight. Reaching her, he looked down at the mess of fabric and branch.

“Here, ho – hold this.” He passed his wand to her with shaking hands. Her hands lightly brushed his as she took the wand from him.

“Tur – turn,” he stuttered.

She slowly spun around while he dropped to his knees and began to attempt to undo the tangle. He didn’t seem to be making much progress, though perhaps it was because his hands were shaking so badly.

“Maybe I should just take it off,” she said finally.

Severus’ head whipped up, his eyes had become almost liquid and his face was turning red. He opened his mouth, then rapidly closed it again, then shutting his eyes he took a deep shaky breath before shifting a little. “I think I almost have it.”

“Alright. Take your…” his hand brushed the back of her thigh and she shivered a little.

“Are you cold?”

Actually, she felt surprisingly hot. “No, I’m fine. Just rip it, Sev.”

She heard a little snap and the tension on the skirt released.

“There.” he whispered hoarsely, still kneeling before her.

Lily looked down and realized for the first time her skirt was hoisted so high you could see the light glinting off of her sky blue knickers. She quickly smoothed the skirt down. “Thank you, Sev.”

She reached down a hand to help him up, instead he put his hand on the ground and pushed up, half turning so that he was facing the darkness. She reached out and put her hand on his back. “Are you alright?”

This time he seemed to relax, almost pressing himself against her palm. “I’m fine. You should have told me you were caught. I was afraid something had happened to you.”

“You told me not to say anything.”

“I said to be quiet. If you fall behind ask me to wait.”

“I’ve been behind the whole time. You walk too fast, Sev.”

“I’m sorry. We should get going.” He finally turned and looked at her, his colour heightening.

She wanted to say something but wasn’t sure what since this was a new situation they had found themselves in. His hand was still trembling when he held it out. She had started to reach out her empty one to take it when he said, “wand.”

She silently passed it to him before they turned and picked up their trunks. Severus didn’t say a word, just began walking slowly through the trees. They hadn’t gone very far when he stopped abruptly and looked at her.

“Lily, I have to – I thought I could wait until we got to school – to…” here he blushed deeply. “I have to – I need the loo. Will you be alright to wait here while I…?”

“Yes.”

“Good, wait right here, don’t move a muscle and I’ll be back soon.” with that he put his trunk down and walked slowly off to the left.

Lily sat down on her trunk and looked around her, taking in all the sights she had been too anxious to see before, the dark patches of moss and the dead leaves laying on the ground. The way a tiny beam of moonlight had broken through the canopy overhead reflecting off of the trunk of a silvery tree. She slowly began to grow cold and worried. What was taking Severus so long? Had he gotten lost?

A crack of a branch made her look to the right. It wasn’t the way that Severus had gone but perhaps he had gotten turned around or circled back around. She saw nothing when she peered into the dark, but still couldn’t shake the feeling she was being watched. Another crackle caused all the hairs on the back of her neck to stand up. She froze instantly, torn between running and staying put. She fervently prayed for Severus to return. Even though she knew it was childish, Lily closed her eyes, hoping whatever was out there would go away.

The hope died when she felt a breath against her cheek. Lily cautiously opened her eyes wanting to see whatever it was that was about to eat her. There was nothing there, at least nothing she could see but her ears told her otherwise as the invisible animal gave a snort. She tried to remember if they had learned about any invisible animals in Care of Magical Creatures classes. None came to mind, yet clearly here one was. She felt something nuzzle against her head and a small tear trickled from the corner of her eye. So much for that legendary Gryffindor bravery.

Another branch cracked off to the left, apparently whatever this creature was it travelled in packs. Hoping she would be able to see this one she turned, only to see a man emerging from between the trees. She instantly rose and sprinted towards him, throwing herself into his arms.

“Sev!”

“Oof, what in the world?”

“There’s something out there.” Trembling, she pointed back towards the spot where she had been sitting.

“Lil, there’s nothing there.”

The tears were now flowing freely down her face. “There is. It was breathing on me. How could you just leave me like that? You – you promised to protect me – you’ve been gone for hours and hours.”

“I’ve been gone five minutes, ten at the most.”

“I didn’t think you were ever coming back.” She was sobbing now, stupidly, like a little girl who had lost her parent at market.

Severus wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tightly to him. “Of course I was coming back. I will always come back for you.”

His words did little to comfort her and Lily continued to sob though she didn’t know why. She only knew her nerves were stretched to beyond the breaking point.

“Lily, oh Lily,” Severus murmured comfortingly while rocking her gently. “I’m sorry, I’m so very, very sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Lily fought to control her sobs, her panic slowly morphing into annoyance. “What in Merlin’s name took you so long anyway? You’re a boy, you can pee anywhere in about two seconds.”

She watched as his face turned crimson.

“Lily…” what he sputtered out after that she couldn’t tell.

It was then she noticed there was a new scent floating on the air. Underneath Severus’ usual crisp, clean, inky smell was something else, a sweet, sweaty smell. Stepping back she noticed his shirt was half untucked and there was something tangled in his hair. She reached up and plucked the object from the dark strands, holding it up to examine it.

“How did you get bark in your hair?”

“I was leaning up against a tree,” he said quickly

“Why would you need to do that to…” she watched as he flushed an even deeper shade of red.

Then she knew, Severus hadn’t gone off into the woods to pee he had gone to…She could feel a blush of her own starting. She couldn’t believe she had done that to him. That he had been so – so aroused he couldn’t wait. Unable to stop herself her eyes trailed downward, a myriad of thoughts raced through her mind, thoughts she should not be having when they were alone in the woods together.

Suddenly snogging Severus senseless didn’t seem like such a laughable idea, in fact, it sounded down right thrilling. Gulping, she looked back up at him. The fact that he wouldn’t meet her eyes let her know he knew she had figured out what he had been doing out there. Maybe she should just end it, grab him and snog him, let him touch her with those long, beautiful fingers. The temptation was great. Another snort killed any such thoughts swiftly.

Worriedly she looked back up at him. “See.”

“Thestrals.”

“What?”

“It’s thestrals. I heard there were some in here but I’ve never encountered one before. They won’t bother us.”

Lily couldn’t remember studying anything about thestrals. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Nothing’s going to hurt you. Besides we’re almost there now.” He swiftly crossed to their trunks and picked them up. “Let’s go.”

As he walked by she took her trunk from him and then grasped tightly to his hand. “Lily, I need to have my wand out.”

“I don’t care. Don’t you dare let go of me, Severus.”

His voice was deep and husky when he replied. “Never.”

So, hand in hand, they transversed their way through the forest, emerging a short time later not far from Hagrid’s cabin. The tension in her chest loosened and she gave a great sigh of relief.

“See, I told you we’d be fine,” he said soothingly.

“How many times have you done that?”

“Gone into the forest? I’ve lost count, but I’ve never walked all the way to or from the station before.”

“Then how did you know how to get us here?”

Severus shrugged. “Good sense of direction I guess.”

She could only look at him in wonder.

“What?”

“Sometimes I think you were missorted.”

He stopped short. “Do you?”

“Yes, I always wondered why you weren’t a Ravenclaw, but now I think you might have some Gryffindor in you. You were definitely braver than I was back there.”

“Does that mean you have a little of the Slytherin need to preserve yourself in you?”

“Hmmm, I suppose I do.”

“Even though we’re the evil house?”

“I should have never said that to you. Not every Slytherin is evil. A fact I will happily tell anyone who will listen, especially since I am standing here holding hands with the best of the house.”

He looked genuinely thrilled by her statement.

“We should go in. I’m sure by now someone must have noticed we’re missing.” Lily tugged at his hand and they entered the building. Noticing that the Great Hall was empty she made for the stairs. At the foot of them she stopped, “Sev.”

He turned, several steps down towards the dungeons. “Yes?”

“I still have your jumper.”

“You can keep it. It’ll be all stretched out now, in the chest.” He blushed a little as he said it.

She couldn’t help but giggle a little. “Thanks.”

He nodded and walked away.

Later that night, after all the other girls had gone to sleep, having listened enthralled to her story of her trip through the forest, Lily climbed from her bed. She couldn’t sleep; she kept replaying the night’s events in her mind. She crossed to the window and stared out at the moonlit trees trying to sooth her nerves. She really needed something to ease her restlessness. Finally, unable to think of anything else to do, she opened her bedside cabinet and pulled out the soft grey jumper. She held it to her nose and breathed in the scent still clinging to it for several long moments before stripping off her nightgown and pulling it on. She immediately felt soothed. Climbing into bed, she closed her eyes and snuggled down. All she could see were a pair of beautiful black eyes filled with love and longing looking back at her. Smiling happily to herself, she drifted off into sleep.

 


	24. Coming of Age

Severus left the dorm hurriedly the next morning, not bothering to pause and see what was causing so much fuss at the notice board. He was running late again. He had been running late from the moment they had returned to school. It seemed to be unavoidable now. All he could think about last night was him and Lily standing on the platform or walking through the forest. Even after he had gone to sleep he had been tormented by the memories, he would wake with a start only to fall back into a fitful sleep and relive the whole thing again. Every scenario was different but each involved things turning out differently than they had in reality.

Not that the reality had been bad, because he had finally, after eight years of longing and waiting, gotten the please kiss me look, and oh Merlin how he had wanted to. Every impulse in his body had screamed at him to take Lily in his arms and kiss her until neither one of them was able to breathe. But all his head could hear was Lily and Cris telling him to take things slowly and he had been in such a state he had known there was no way he would have been able to stop with just one kiss. Even now, if he closed his eyes, all he could see was himself kneeling in front of her, untangling her skirt and trying to ignore the seductive scent coming from her. Heaven help him, all he had wanted at that moment was to pull her to the ground and make love to her right there on the forest floor. But he would not be Avery, would not force Lily into something she wasn’t willing or ready to do.

If how he felt about Lily had ever been a secret it was out now. He had seen the dawning comprehension in her eyes when she pulled the bark from his hair. He knew straightaway she knew what he had done. He had had no idea what to say in that moment. What could possibly make it better? His only comfort had been she hadn’t slapped him or walked away, indeed he had gotten a look he was certain had never been directed at that Gryffindor wanker. There was less than no doubt Lily was now clear he was not a girl.

So, all he had to worry about at this exact moment was how she was going to react when she saw him this morning. Even though he was almost one hundred percent sure Lily fancied him, it didn’t necessarily follow that she was alright with his little foray alone in the forest and she had had all night to dwell on what he had done. He reasoned that as long as she didn’t bring up the subject they would be fine. After all, he had been able to keep things on a friend level after his birthday party and he could do it again now.

Though he was starting to suspect taking things slowly was going to be much harder than he had anticipated. There was an irony in that, since he had spent the past eight years going so slow that if he were going any slower he would in fact be going backward. It would be easier if he was clear about what Lily meant when she said go slow would it be acceptable to kiss her for example. Was the look enough? Did that mean it was open season and he was free to snog her anytime he saw it?

So great was his confusion that a letter was already winging its way to Cris pleading for advice. For now, unless she looked at him and said, ‘Severus, please kiss me’ he was doing nothing. He hadn’t come all this way and put his life on the line just to cock it up now.

Having missed breakfast, he climbed the stairs to Defense Against the Dark Arts, prepared to spend another lesson attempting to teach himself. This year’s professor, Tandry Gilford, was an idiot in his opinion, he didn’t think he had learned a single useful thing all term. His hope had been to learn more about nonverbal spells. Even though he could cast several, and had even made up one or two he knew his technique wasn’t as good as it could or should be. The first thing he saw when he entered the room, was Lily whispering frantically to Alice Nesbitt. She cast a quick glance at him and then went back to her conversation. This didn’t look good. He sat down, his mind racing for possible excuses for his behaviour last night and coming up with none.

“Sev, did you hear me?”

He started and looked at the redhead next to him. He could only feel relieved; she wasn’t so upset she was unwilling to speak to him. “What?”

“It’s good to know you pay attention to me.”

“I was thinking.”

“Again?”

“Yes. Are you going to tell me what you said this time or just chuck Smarties at me?”

Smiling, she shook her head. “I don’t have any Smarties and I said happy birthday.”

“I thought we had already covered the birthday thing this year.”

“That was your birthday party, today is your actual birthday so I think I can wish you a happy one.”

“Oh, thank you.”

She looked at him and smiled a little wistfully. He was at the point of asking her why when Professor Gilford wafted into the room and began an absolutely pointless lecture on hags. Really, they had learned about those in second year. He became increasingly fidgety as the class wore on, if this woman wasn’t going to teach them anything why should he waste his time coming to class? Opening his book, he tried to reread the chapter on wandless magic for the tenth time but was distracted by the pressure of Lily’s leg against his. It seemed she was to enthralled by the lecture, given the rapidity with which she was taking notes, to be distracted by much of anything. He watched her, fascinated for a moment, until she saw him and hid the parchment a little further under her book. Apparently she wasn’t taking notes.

Leaning over, he whispered, “What are you writing?”

Lily drug another piece of parchment from her bag and scribbled _**I’ll tell you later**_ on it before shoving it towards him.

He couldn’t help himself, _You’re not angry at me are you?_

**_What for?_ **

_The forest._

**_Of course not. You said you’d get us here and you did. What’s there to be angry about?_ **

What could he say to that? _I knew you weren’t happy about the idea and so thought you might be upset now that you’ve had time to think about it._

**_Sev, you’re silly.  This has nothing to do with you._** She pushed the piece of parchment at him and smiled before going back to her original missive.

Several minutes later she sent the parchment in Alice’s direction before pulling the piece in front of him back towards her and writing quickly. _**Are you excited?**_

_About?_

_**Don’t you ever check your notice board? Apparition lessons start soon. I can hardly wait!** _

He chuckled softly to himself, a sound she apparently heard because she gave a small bounce in her seat. Laughter bubbled up inside of him, but he contained it. Lily had been over the moon when he had first told her one day they would be able to travel that way. Oh the questions she had peppered him with. In the end he had gone home and dug through the spare room until he found one of his mother’s books and read up on apparition just so he could tell her all about it.

Grabbing the parchment back she wrote, _**I guess you’ve already figured out how to do it.**_

_Not a clue. Maybe I’ll go get a book out of the library._

**_Or you could be sweet and learn with me, like a good best friend._ **

_No book, huh?_

**_Not if you love me._ **

_Since I do, I guess you win._

**_I knew there would be perks to you finally admitting that, but don’t worry, I won’t abuse it._ **

_Good to know. I was worried there for a minute._ He passed it to her with a sly smile.

_**Were not, and I should be allowed a little leeway since I told you I loved you months ago.** _

Class ended just as he finished reading the note, he picked it up and stuffed it into his pocket.

“So, are you?”

Severus didn’t have to ask her what she was talking about this time. “I suppose, a little bit. I only hope it goes better than learning to fly did.”

She smiled sympathetically at him. “It was only the first few times, you’re fine now.”

“No, I will never be a great flyer, just not my thing.”

“You’ll go get the book anyway, won’t you?”

“I promised you I wouldn’t so I won’t. Though it could help us both you know.”

“With the added benefit we would get to show off.”

“Now when have I ever wanted to show off?”

Lily laughed loudly, causing people to turn and look at them. “I don’t know, only every single lesson we’ve ever had.”

He scowled but he knew she could tell his heart wasn’t really in it.

“So I need a favour.”

“Name it.”

“Will you meet me tonight? I’m having some trouble in Transfiguration.”

“I can help you, Lily,” said a voice from right behind them.

Severus turned and saw Potter and his pack trailing them. Lupin and Pettigrew were engrossed in their notes, while Black was stuffing a piece of parchment quickly into his pocket. Lily smiled at James slightly and Severus felt his heart plummet a little. So Potter wasn’t out of the running yet. Still this was a good time to put what Cris said into play. Severus stopped and waited patiently for Lily to reply, proud that his hand wasn’t shaking and he had managed not to sneer at the other boy.

“I appreciate your offer James, but I was asking Sev.”

“Yes, but I’m top of the class right now and Snape’s not, so it seems like it would be wiser to ask the person with higher standing for help.”

Perfect, the idiot had played right into his hands. “He’s right, Lil, Potter is doing better than me and would be a wiser choice.

Five sets of eyes were now staring at him, most filled to varying degrees with shock. But the only ones he cared about were Lily’s and she looked proud, then slowly the look began to shift. He waited, then, there it was, right in front of Potter, he was getting the please kiss me look. If James Potter had looked shocked the moment before it was nothing to how he looked now. With every ounce of his being Severus fought back the smirk that was threatening to break through his placid demeanour. This might be the best birthday ever, he felt about five and stupidly giddy.

“Go on, Lil. I don’t care.”

She slowly shook her head; her eyes still locked on him. “No, it has to be you.”

“If you’re sure.”

“Positive,” she whispered. The corridor had grown quiet; it seemed as if each person was waiting with baited breath to see what would happen next.

_Please ask me to kiss you,_ Severus mentally begged Lily. Instead she tore her eyes away and smiled at the prat. “Thank you for the offer, James.”

To give Potter his due he quickly covered his shock. Though he wasn’t so good Lily didn’t notice his stupefied expression and her smile faltered. “Of course, Lily, any time. Well, we should go, come on, mates.”

He gave Lily a charming smile and meandered down the corridor. The rest of the group followed but when Lupin pulled up even with them he stopped. “Happy Birthday, Severus.”

It was now Severus’ turn to be shocked, though hopefully he was better at covering it than Potter had been. “Thank you, Lu – Remus.”

Remus smiled and nodded, “I’ll see you later, Lily.”

“Sure, Rem.”

Severus stood still and watched as the marauders headed down the hallway. He saw Black pull the piece of parchment from his pocket and pass it to Potter. He wondered what that was about, but didn’t get a chance to get too invested in figuring out an answer because Lily suddenly exclaimed, “what’s got into you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You were just nice. To James Potter and Rem. Have you lost it or something?”

“No, I just thought maybe it was time I grew up and started acting like an adult instead of a child.”

She beamed up at him. “I think I’m going to like grown up Sev even more then I liked boy Sev. Or do I have to call you Severus all the time now since you’re such an adult?”

“Sev is still fine.”

She gave an excited little squeal and hugged him. He couldn’t hold back the smile any longer so he let it break free. “I should go or I’ll be late to my next lesson.”

She nodded at him, delight still dancing in her eyes. “Promise you’ll meet me at 7:30 in the potions room.”

“Promise.” He started down the corridor, half way down he turned and shouted after her, “should I bring my book?”

“No, you won’t need it,” she yelled back.

Severus spent a good chunk of the rest of the day wondering what Lily thought he could help her with that wouldn’t require his book and the rest trying not to give into the temptation to go to the library and get out a book on apparition. He was admittedly a little distracted by the time he dropped down next to Mulciber at dinner. Surprisingly, Lily wasn’t at the Gryffindor table, though Black was glaring at him in a way to do a mad hippogriff proud. Next to him, Remus Lupin was whispering urgently, while Pettigrew looked on with trepidation. There was no sight of Potter.

Wait, no Lily, no Potter. They couldn’t possibly be together could they? He started to rise, determined to hunt them down and permanently remove Potter from the running for Lily’s heart no matter what Cris had advised. Avery looked at him strangely as he swung his leg back over the bench. Then Potter walked through the door, looking as heartbroken as Severus had felt after that night at the end of last year. Hazel eyes swept the Slytherin table and when they landed on Severus, who was frozen in his half risen position, they filled with a look Severus couldn’t quite suss out, though clearly there was anger there. Severus gave the Gryffindor a quick once over, nothing about the other boy’s appearance suggested he had been doing anything untoward. Next to him Mulciber cleared his throat but Severus didn’t break eye contact with Potter.

He had been practicing leglimency for years and could now slide into people’s minds easily, though blocking his own off remained difficult. It wasn’t something he normally did, preferring to give people their privacy but this time he had to know what Potter had been up to. He got a brief glimpse of the boy sitting on the floor of his room, a tear falling onto a piece of parchment; parchment that appeared to contain Lily and Severus’ handwriting. Severus finally ripped his eyes away and swinging around began to dig through his satchel looking for the note he and Lily had passed earlier in the day. Unable to find it in there he searched his pockets. Realization slowly dawned over him, those prats had stolen it.

“Is there something wrong, Snape?” inquired Mulciber.

“I lost my notes from Defense.”

“I didn’t think you were paying enough attention to the lecture to take notes. You seemed to wrapped up in passing notes to Evans to care.”

Merlin, did people really pay that much attention to what he and Lily were doing? “Not from today. As if I need to take notes on hags at this point. Really Gilford might be the most pointless professor we’ve ever had, a trained slug could do better.”

“Hmm, don’t think she’s that bad.”

“Please, Gilford is where brain cells go to die.”

Avery let out a laugh. “That was a good one, Snape. Hey Vincent, shove down so Snape’s girlfriend can sit next to him.”

Severus turned to look at Avery questioningly. “What are you…?”

“Hello, Severus.” When had Urania’s voice taken on that sickly sweet tone? “I heard it was your birthday.”

“Who told you that?”

“I overheard that mudblood you’re friends with telling that blood traitor, Nesbitt.”

Severus fought to keep his eyes from narrowing because he knew Mulciber and Avery were watching him like hawks. “You should watch what you say about Nesbitt, Burke; she’s well connected and her boyfriend is even more so.”

“It won’t matter in the future, after Lord Voldemort takes over.”

Avery glanced around the hall “Hold your tongue, Urania. If you expect to ever be trusted enough to join you’ll have to learn when to keep your mouth shut.”

“Who do we have to fear here?” She retorted smartly.

“It wouldn’t do for our mudblood loving headmaster to discover our Lord’s plans.”

“That old fool? He doesn’t scare me.”

Severus felt as if his eyes were being drawn towards Dumbledore’s spot at the head table. He was hardly surprised to see the blue eyes were turned towards them. “He should.”

“Oh, Severus, you’re more talented than him.”

“I am not more talented than Dumbledore and only an idiot would say otherwise.”

Mulciber broke in, “I have to admit the man terrifies me. He doesn’t miss a thing, does he?”

Severus thought back to the way the headmaster had looked at him in the hospital wing. “No, and that’s why we shouldn’t be having this conversation. Mulciber, will you pass the potatoes and Urania, I would like a little room to move, if you don’t mind.”

“Here.” Mulciber passed him the bowl and Urania managed to scoot a couple of centimetres down the bench.

“So birthday, Snape?” Asked Avery as they all dug in.

“Yes.”

“That means you’re of age doesn’t it?”

“Yes.”        

“Must be nice. Could leave this place if you wanted.”

Severus looked Avery dead in his icy grey eyes “Why would I want to do that?”

“Don’t you ever get sick of studying?” Mulciber inquired.

“No.”

“You’re a strange bird, Severus, but happy birthday anyway.”

“Thank you, Vincent.”

“You should have told us, we could have gotten you a gift.”

“I appreciate the sentiment Urania but I don’t actually like gifts.” All three people looked at him in surprise. Hopefully his declaration would keep the stupid girl from getting him anything or expecting a gift in return.

“Everyone likes gifts,” she stated softly.

“Not me. Who needs all that stuff?”

“Then what comes in all those packages you get?”

Crap, he hadn’t thought of that. “Food, from my family.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

“No.” He stuffed a forkful of potatoes into his mouth and opened his transfiguration book.

Apparently Urania did possess a brain cell or two because she got the hint that the conversation was now over. Not another word passed between her and Severus. At ten past seven, he stuffed his book back into his bag and headed down towards the dungeons.

All the talk of gifts earlier had brought back the rather pressing concern that he still hadn’t received Lily’s gift from Cris. He knew he should have picked the package up himself before they’d left for school, but somehow he had never found the time. It had taken a lot of thought to decide what to get Lily, because he didn’t want to buy her another book and brewing a potion seemed stupid. He had wanted to get her something meaningful to celebrate her coming of age and if it let her know how much he loved her then so much the better and he had found it two days before they’d returned to school. Unfortunately, he hadn’t had the money with him when he saw the item in the window downtown. So he had delegated the task to Cris. Giving a sigh he pushed on the door of the potions room, it was dark and there wasn’t a sign of Lily anywhere.

“Lily?”

There was no answer. Then he spied a piece of parchment on their normal desk. He walked over and read.

**_Sev,_ **

**_Change of plans. Meet me in the empty classroom on the third floor._ **

**_Love,_ **

**_Lily_ **

He folded the parchment up carefully before putting it between the leaves of a book, and hurrying from the room, hoping to make it to the new meeting spot by half past. By the time he reached the room he was out of breath and had a stitch in his side. He stood with his hand clutching the doorknob, trying to catch his breath for several moments before opening the door. Like the potions room, this space was pitch black. Severus sighed and looked around for another note. Apparently Lily was going to lead him on some sort of hunt tonight. With a flick of his wand he turned on the light but saw not a scrap of parchment anywhere. What on earth was going on here? He was ready to exit the room and go look for her elsewhere when the door popped open and Lily burst in.

“Bugger! You beat me,” she said around the object in her arms.

“Where have you been?”

“Somebody else asked to use the potions room tonight so I had to find another place and then I had to get food and have generally been running around like a mad woman for the last hour or so.”

With a sigh she put the bundle down on the table.

“We could have met in the library you know.”

“No, that wouldn’t have worked.”

“What is it you want me to help you with exactly?” he was beyond puzzled now.

Lily laughed at that. “Sev, you didn’t really think we were meeting about Transfiguration homework, did you?”

“Why not? It’s what you said you wanted.”

Lily laughed again and shook her head, before uncovering the item. Now he knew what she was on about, because what she had been carrying was a small birthday cake.

“You are really going overboard on the birthday thing this year.”

“You don’t want to break tradition do you? Besides mum’s the one who threw you the party at home, this one is all my doing.”

She was smiling so sweetly at him all he could do was nod.

“I didn’t do candles because I know you don’t like them but the cake is chocolate and – I didn’t cook it.”

“Fair enough. Thank you, Lily,” he said cutting off a piece of cake and handing it to her.

Her fingers lightly brushed his when she took it. For a moment her eyes held his and then she clambered up on the table behind her, legs swinging in the air. “You didn’t really think I would do nothing did you?”

He sat down on the table next to her, their legs swinging in time. “Sort of. It would make sense since we already had a party.”

“That wasn’t our celebration, and my having a party at home has never stopped you from giving me one here.”

“True.”

For a moment they ate their cake in silence. Then Lily wiped her mouth and jumped down from the table. “I almost forgot, I have something for you.”

“Take it back.”

“What?”

“No more gifts this year. I mean it.”

“Well smarty it’s a new year so last year’s gifts don’t count.”

He opened his mouth to protest but quickly realized she was right and shut it again. She laughed and then handed him an envelope. “Here.”

He took the purple envelope in his hand and pulled the flap open, surprised when green and red confetti burst from it.

“That worked better than I expected – Remus did it for me.”

“Lupin?”

“Yes. Go on.” She nudged him in the shoulder, looking very excited.

He slowly pulled out the card. It was nothing grand, just a standard muggle card with a birthday cake on the front. The amazement came a moment later when he realized that while the card was, as expected, signed by Lily it also contained the signatures of every student he tutored, Alice Nesbitt, Frank Longbottom, Remus Lupin and Sabrina Tattington. He looked at her in wonder.

“I don’t understand.”

“What is there to understand? It’s your birthday and people signed your card. Look at all the friends you’ve managed to make this year, just by being you.”

He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the piece of cardboard even as Lily carried on speaking, “I do have a tinsy, tiny confession to make. Urania was lurking around and I think wanted to sign but I didn’t think you would appreciate that so I hid it from her. I hope you’re not too upset.”

It was his turn to laugh. “No, I just told her at dinner that I hate gifts.”

“Liar.”

“Well, I had to do something. If she gets me a present then I’ll have to reciprocate on her birthday and who knows how she’ll take it.”

“Good point.”

“I thought you were going to help me get out of this.”

“Hmm I have been thinking about it, but she’s very determined so nothing I’ve thought of seems like it will do the trick. The best idea I’ve thought of is seeing if you could find someone to distract her.”

“Pawn her off on someone else?”

“Exactly.”

“Who could possibly be that foolish?”

“How about one of your old cronies?”

“No, she’s too young for them. Though I suppose Avery could be interested in a year or so, but that’s a long time to wait.”

“Then I’m out of  ideas. The best we can hope for is that she grows out of it soon.”

“And if she doesn’t?”

“Then I suppose you’ll have no other option but to date her, marry her and have loads of lovely children with that beautiful simpering voice and their mother’s intelligence.”

Apparently he looked as appalled as he felt because Lily burst into hysterical giggles and took several minutes to calm down. “If you could only see the look on your face! Of course, if you were ever stupid enough to date Urania Burke then you’ll be on the market for a new best friend because I would never speak to you again. Or alternatively I could have you hauled off to St. Mungo’s.”

“Please do, because obviously I will be in need of serious medical attention.” He looked at her out of the side of his eye and, unable to help himself, burst out laughing.

“Seriously, she’ll get over it as soon as she figures out you’re not at all interested.”

“You think?”

“Hopefully. And if not, we leave school in a year and a half.”

“Thanks, Lil, that’s real helpful.”

“Well, I try. I hate to say it but I have patrol tonight. I tried to switch but…”

“Don’t worry about it. Go.”

“Thank you, Sev and happy birthday.” She jumped down from the table and turning, placed a kiss on the corner of his lips before hurrying out the door.

He watched her go before jumping down from the table. He slowly made his way back to the common room. It wasn’t until he was in bed, drifting on the verge of sleep he remembered Potter had found the note he and Lily had passed. He briefly wondered if he should tell her, but knowing Lily she would only go to Potter and explain she had meant she loved Severus as a friend. And if Potter thought Lily was in love with Severus in some other way, then he was going to do nothing to disabuse the Gryffindor of that idea. Smiling contentedly, Severus burrowed further under the covers and spun increasingly elaborate daydreams about his future with Lily until he fell asleep.

Much to his frustration, instead of backing off, James Potter seemed to be redoubling his efforts to win Lily over the next few weeks. James seemed to work it so he was able to sit next to Lily at every available opportunity. Severus’ temper was shortening by the moment and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could refrain from jinxing the idiot. Though whenever he and James were around Lily at the same time Severus did his absolute best to behave well. Curiously Cris still hadn’t responded to the letter Severus had written him the first day back. He was now starting to get paranoid that Cris had decided not to speak to him for some unknown reason. It had been with great trepidation that he had sent another letter two days ago asking Cris about the status of Lily’s gift and how things were in general.

Severus picked at his eggs disgruntledly, trying to ignore the fact that Potter was once again seated next to Lily who seemed to be having a fine time at least if he was going to judge by the amount of laughter coming from the Gryffindor table. He was so distracted, it took him a moment to realize that there was an owl standing in front of him. Seeing Cris’ handwriting on the front of the scroll he eagerly pulled it off. Avery looked at him questioningly.

“From my mother.”

“Didn’t she just write you the other day?”

It had slipped Severus’ mind that Eileen had written to him earlier in the week, apologizing for what had happened at Christmas and sending him his birthday gift. He had barely glanced at the beat up pocket watch, preferring to carry the one that Violet had given him. Eileen generally only wrote once or twice a term so two letters this close together did look odd.

“She was feeling poorly so didn’t write much last time. I have to head to the library.”

“Isn’t this your free period?”

“Hmm, but Professor Vector mentioned something yesterday in arithmancy that I want to look up. I’ll see you later, Avery.” Severus slung his bag over his shoulder and headed towards the Owlery. It was freezing cold but it was the one place he could guarantee he would be left alone. He wrapped his cloak tightly around him, tied his scarf tighter around his neck and settled into his usual spot before unrolling the letter eagerly.

_Hi Sev,_

_Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, it’s been a little crazy here, but I’ll come on to that in a minute. I am sending this letter in two parts, one for you to show Lily, the other for your eyes only. This is the you part, in case you missed that._

_First thing’s first, I can’t believe you didn’t just snog her on the platform or in the forest. Someday maybe you can tell me where all that will power comes from, could use a little myself. Secondly, I think you are good to make a move whenever the opportunity presents its self. I know I said to go slow but don’t overdo it, otherwise she’ll start to think you just want to be friends and you’ll be right back to square one. I know you don’t want that._

_As for the Potter thing, good for you. Keep it up. I know it’s hard and you most likely just want to punch him in the face or whatever the wizarding equivalent is, but you have to convince Lily she’d be better with you. It will take time and be hard but if you can refrain from snogging her in the situation you described you can do this._

_I’ll pick up Lily’s gift for you this weekend and send it on as soon as the owl comes back. There really needs to be a better system than this whole owl thing. It’s very annoying to wait for one to show up. I don’t suppose I would be allowed to own one?_

_So, that’s it for the private part the rest is for the both of you._

“Sev, what are you doing?”

Severus started at the sound of Lily’s voice. He quickly stuffed the one piece of parchment away.

“Reading a letter from Cris.”

“Up here? It’s freezing.”

“It’s not that bad and I’m alone.”

“Do you want me to go?”

“No, come on.” He scooted over a little, making room for her.

Lily dropped to his side and pulled his cloak away.

“Okay, it is too cold to do without the cloak.”

“Wait a minute,” Lily chided before manoeuvring the fabric until they were snuggled up next to each other and wrapped in both cloaks. “Okay, go on.”

Severus cleared his throat and began to read.

_Things have been interesting here. That dunderhead (see how Sev is rubbing off on me?) of a roommate of mine managed to catch the hot plate on fire, the hot plate we’re not meant to have. Thankfully he said I had no knowledge of it so I avoided any trouble, but everything still smells of smoke and there is a huge burn mark on the wall. Needless to say he’s now on probation. Not thrilled by the idea of having to potentially break in someone new. I almost have this one the way I want him._

_In other news, Alexander called last week and asked me to meet him for dinner. I have to admit I spent most of the week paranoid he was going to ask my permission to propose to May. I had no idea what I would say, because I want her to be happy but she’s awfully young and it’s a big thing to marry into the aristocracy. Anyway, we met at his club Thursday night and had a nice meal. Thankfully he didn’t say anything about getting married though he did tell me he wanted to take May to Italy for a fortnight this summer. I’m pretty sure he now thinks I am a complete idiot because I just stared at him for about five minutes before stuttering out a bunch of gibberish. Honestly, he might as well have asked me if I was all right with the idea of him shagging my sister! If you’re a lord you can’t do that until you’re married right?_

_I know Lily’s laughing at me right now and thinking I’m being a crazy, overprotective older brother but Sev will back me on this one, right? How can I possibly agree to let them go to Italy together, unchaperoned? Of course if I say no then I’m a horrid person. Guess there’s no way to win on this one. I’ll have to let her go and adjust as best I can._

_I had barely recovered from this tragedy when Mum rang and asked me to come home this weekend because that Vernon person is coming to see Petunia. I wasn’t sure what this had to do with me until Mum mentioned he is bringing his sister, so now I have to play escort to Mary or Martha or whatever her name is. Do either of you remember her from the funeral? I have racked my brain but all I can remember about her is she was rather large. To add to my misery Honoria’s found out and is angry because she says having dinner with Vernon’s sister is the same as going on a date with another girl. I have NOT brought up what she did last summer in an effort to keep the peace. Do you think it would help if I offer to take her to Majorca for a long weekend? I hope so, because I **have** to go home, I know Mum wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important. But, I admit I’m not looking forward to this particular dinner and wish you two could be there. I will send full details as soon as possible. _

_Hope that term is going well. Happy Birthday to you both._

_Yours,_

_Cris._

“I’m surprised May didn’t tell Cris about going on holiday with Alex sooner,” puzzled Lily

“I’m not. She had to know he would take it badly.”

“Do you think it’s a bad idea?”

Severus shrugged. “She’ll be eighteen by then and able to make up her own mind.”

“Uh huh, maybe I should write and tell him they haven’t had sex yet.”

“I would leave out the yet bit. And I think it’s the holiday he’s worried about. Maybe he and Honoria could go with them. Kill two birds with one stone.”

Lily shoved his shoulder playfully. “That’s a horrid idea.”

“Is it? Seems practical to me.”

Lily let out an exasperated huff . “It would be like asking your father to go on holiday with you.”

Severus wrinkled his nose in disgust at the idea of taking his parents on holiday anywhere. “Point taken.”

“Sev, can we get out of here, because it smells?”

“Sure… So what were you and Potter talking about?” He asked after they had clambered down several flights of stairs.

“Nothing really.”

“Oh.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, you seemed to be laughing a lot. I just wondered what was so funny is all.”

“Peter did something silly in Divination the other day. You know, James isn’t being as big a prat as normal this term. So maybe we’re all growing up.”

“Maybe.”

“He is leaving you alone, isn’t he?”

The truth was Potter had jinxed him on the way to Herbology a few days ago. Things had gotten rather sticky but apparently that story hadn’t made it back to Lily. He could feel her eyes boring into him and really wanted to tell her Potter hadn’t laid off at all, but remembering what Cris had said about seeming like a bigger person, he merely shrugged and looked the other way.

“Sev.”

“So, I’m guessing you haven’t changed your mind about letting me get out a book on apparition.”

A small crease wrinkled the space between Lily’s eyes and he got the impression she knew nothing had changed where Potter was concerned. Still she managed to answer and they walked down to class talking about what they thought the upcoming lessons would be like. Severus was gratified to learn from Ametus a few days later Lily had given James a rather large, loud lecture about growing up and not bullying other people in the common room that night.

Potter looked miserable for several days afterward though he appeared to have rebounded by the morning of Lily’s birthday; when, Severus noted with grim satisfaction, he appeared at breakfast holding a large bouquet of lilies. Severus smirked at the other boy’s stupidity. One of Lily’s little quirks was that she actually hated the flower she was named for, she always said they were too cold and imperial, she preferred wildflowers and occasionally old fashioned tea roses. Types of flowers that were hard to get in the dead of winter and Severus hadn’t even tried, though he routinely went and stole forget-me-nots, Lily’s favourite, from a neighbour during the summer holidays.

It would be entertaining to watch what she did with James’ gift. A few minutes later she slid into a spot a fair distance from the Quidditch captain, who immediately rose and presented her with the flowers. Lily took them and smiled politely before setting the bouquet on the table next to her and turning to talk to Alice Nesbitt. Severus fought the urge to laugh uproariously at Potter. Perhaps the other boy sensed this because he turned to glare at Severus from across the room. Fortunately for him, Potter chose to do this at the same moment Lily looked up. Severus could see the anger flash in her eyes from where he sat. That was it; he had to leave before he laughed so hard he made himself sick. Slinging his satchel over his shoulder he headed off to Defense certain it was going to be a great day.

When he got there, he pulled a piece of parchment and ink out of his bag. He quickly scribbled a birthday message across the surface and then roughed out a picture of a spray of wildflowers. He wasn’t much of an artist but thought it looked okay. Severus had barely put the finishing touches on the drawing when Lily walked in with a flustered looking Sabrina. He watched curiously as they joined Alice and had a whispered conversation, by the end of which Tattington looked like she was a heartbeat away from bursting into tears. The conversation didn’t end until the professor entered the room. Severus silently pushed the parchment towards Lily once she had settled into her seat. She lightly touched the flowers and smiled. Satisfied, Severus turned his attention to Professor Gilford, who was actually talking about something worthwhile this lesson.

He was still scribbling notes when the class ended and everyone stood to leave. Blowing quickly on the last line as he wrote it, he stuffed all his paraphernalia into his bag and looked up at Lily, who was clearly waiting on him.

“Thank you for the drawing, it was lovely.”

“You’re welcome. Happy Birthday.”

“Thank you.”

“Will you meet me tonight at half past seven in the potions room?”

“Of course.”

“I’ll see you then.”

“Bye, Sev, have a good day.”

“You too, Lil.”

Severus strode briskly in the direction of the greenhouses. Class had been going better since he had started following Nesbitt’s advice, though he was still no wiz at growing plants. Today was definitely going to be hard because he was distracted by his plans for Lily’s birthday party. It was the first year he had ever contemplated asking others to join them, but in the end he had decided against it, preferring it to be just the two of them. This morning he had left a request for a cake on his bedside cabinet, knowing that when he returned after dinner the item would be in the note’s place. His present had arrived yesterday morning, thanks to Cris, who had even had it gift wrapped for Severus. All he had to do now was decorate the room. He had spent many hours planning out what he was going to do, and could only hope it went over as well as he anticipated. Thankfully, Slughorn had always been good about letting Severus throw Lily’s party in the classroom.

The day passed quietly enough. The only downside was that Potter seemed to be giving Lily gifts every time he saw her. There had been the flowers at breakfast, a book at lunch and something that looked like a bottle of perfume at dinner. Severus wasn’t able to tell how Lily was taking Potter’s persistent gift giving, though he did get the impression that she tried to give the perfume back.

It was just like that wanker to try and show him up with money. Oh well, he had a pretty good plan up his sleeve if he did say so himself. Severus rose and left the Great Hall just as the Gryffindor table started to sing Lily happy birthday, figuring it was a good point to go start getting ready; after all it was going to take a while to get everything organized.

Lily watched Severus leave the great hall and knew he was on his way down to the potions room. Somehow she couldn’t help but wish he had come over to the table first. She knew whatever he did for her downstairs would be perfect, it always was, still it would be nice if he were part of the crowd gathered around her. Especially since James seemed to be going particularly overboard with her birthday this year, not that she didn’t appreciated his gifts, they were all nice they just weren’t quite her. She hated lilies, Severus had given her the potions book years ago and she thought the perfume smelled like something someone’s grandmother would wear. She was far more appreciative of the gift Remus had gotten her, like Severus, he seemed to possess the knack of always getting you just what you wanted, even if you hadn’t know it was what you wanted beforehand.

This train of thought brought her thinking firmly back to her best friend. She honestly couldn’t wait to see what he had gotten her this year. Even before she had presented him with the picture she had known it would be good, because Severus was the one person who especially close to her that truly understood the significance of this birthday. As soon as she was able to, she slipped away from her group of friends, who were now thankfully wrapped up in a discussion about the next quidditch match of the season, and headed towards the dungeons. She felt a little giddy and her heart was racing excitedly in anticipation. She knocked loudly on the door, knowing that Severus liked everything to be just so before she saw whatever he had planned. A minute later she heard him call out that she could enter. Lily slowly pushed the door open and was greeted by the sight of a full-blown spring garden.

“Sev,” she gasped, “This is…”

“Do you like it?” He asked anxiously, coming out from behind the door.

“Like it? It’s the most wonderful…” laughing delightedly, she flung her arms around him and squeezed tightly. “How long will it last?”

“A couple of hours.”

“It even smells like spring.” She took a deep breath in. “Is this my gift?”

“Of course not. Come on, the cake’s over here.” Taking her by the hand, he wended his way past a willow and countless clusters of wildflowers, finally stopping in a clearing that looked oddly familiar. It wasn’t until her eyes lit on the rock that she understood.

“It’s the spot! Sev, you’ve recreated the spot! This must have taken you forever.”

“Not really.”

“Don’t you dare try and be modest now. This is incredible! Of course, we still only have one rock.” Removing her wand from her pocket, Lily quickly transfigured the solid grey stone into a fluffy blanket. She dropped onto the rich blue surface and watched as Severus disappeared behind the trunk of the oak, returning a moment later, a cake in hand.

“What kind is it?”

“White chocolate with raspberry filling.”

“How do you remember all my favourite things?”

“Isn’t that what best friends are meant to do? Anyway, I’m not going to sing to you, because I’m guessing you’d prefer to not go deaf. But…” with a flourish he reached behind his back and pulled out a box. “I did get candles. If you’d like.”

“I’d like.”

She watched as he placed seventeen candles in a precise circle around the edge of the cake. After he lit them she closed her eyes and tried to think of a wish, but nothing came.

“Lily, the candles are starting to melt all over the cake,” Severus chided after a moment or two.

At the sound of his voice a thought popped into her mind. _I wish for an answer_. Taking a deep breath, she blew out the little flames.

“That must have been some wish,” Severus commented as he removed the candles, stacking them on a plate next to him.

Lily shrugged and took one of the candles out of his hand, sucking the icing off the end.

“That’s disgusting.”

“When did you get so proper?”

“I was always like this.”

“No, you were a little more relaxed when we were younger, not a lot but a little.”

“What would make you happy? Should I eat icing off a candle?”

“Hmm no. You’ll have to do better than that.”

He looked at her mischievously and then, quick as lightening, he scooped a clump of frosting off the cake and smeared it on the tip of her nose.

“Sev!”

“Who’s uptight now?” He laughed, throwing her a napkin.

She tried to glare at him but failed utterly and ended in laughing instead, throwing the napkin back at him.

“Prat.”

“I have half a mind not to give you your gift for that.”

“No! Please give me my gift. I’ll be good I promise.” She pouted at him in her most becoming manner.

For an instant something flashed through his eyes but it was gone so quickly she couldn’t ascertain what it was. Besides, she was distracted by the long, slender package in his hand. She reached across the blanket and took it from him, a shiver running up her spine as their hands brushed. The wrapping job was so beautiful she was hesitant to wreck it.

“Did you do this?” she asked, gesturing to the box.

Severus shook his head. “No, the shop did.”

“They must have charged you a lot.”

He shrugged his shoulders in response. “You only come of age once. Go on, I didn’t get you a present just so you could stare at the wrapping.”

She couldn’t help but smile as he fed her back the line she had used on him so many months ago. Before she pulled the paper off, she plucked off the sprig of lilies of the valley and tucked it in her hair. The wrapping fell away to reveal a black velvet rectangle. Her heart stopped for a moment, he had gotten her jewellery. She slowly opened the box, gasping when she saw what it contained.

“Sev, it’s beautiful.”

“Do you really like it? Because if you don’t, I can return it and get you something else.”

“No, it’s wonderful, really. Will you put it on me?” She held the box out to him.

His hands shook slightly as they removed the bracelet from the white satin. Once he had freed it she held out her right wrist, waiting for him to clasp it onto to her. His fingers caressed her pulse point gently as he joined the ends together.

“There,” he whispered his hand falling away “Are you sure you like it?”

For a moment all Lily could do was stare at the circle of enamelled forget-me-nots. Then her eyes rose up to meet his. “This is the best gift I have ever gotten.”

“Good. I wanted you to have something special for your coming of age.”

“Where did you get it?”

“Remember the old shop downtown?”

“The one with the cameo?”

“Yes, I got it there. I hope you don’t care that it’s not brand new.”

“No, they don’t make things like this anymore. How old is it?”

“The shop keeper said about a hundred years.”

“Thank you so much, Sev. I’ll treasure it always.”

He gave her a satisfied smile before cutting off a piece of cake and handing it to her. “Here.”

She took the plate from his hand and after eating several bites paused and asked, “so, where are we meeting on Saturday?”

“Remind me what Saturday is again.”

“Apparition lessons! You have to walk down with me. I’m so nervous it’s almost unreal.”

“There’s nothing to be scared about.”

“Says you. Tell me about it again, please.”

Severus began to speak and for a moment it felt as if they were nine years old again. Lily lay on her stomach, looking up at him rapturously while he told her stories about being magical, his legs were stretched out in front of him, his eyes bright with excitement. They were so wrapped up in their talk that the forest had long since vanished before Lily stopped peppering him with questions. Afterward, he walked her up the stairs to the entrance hall, even though it was out of his way, their hands occasionally brushing against one another. Once there, she turned and smiled at him.

“Thank you, that was the best party yet.”

“I’m glad you liked it.”

“I did.”

“Good.” He glanced around the hall quickly, then leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Happy Birthday, Lily.”

She looked startled for a moment and he wondered if she would yell at him. Instead, she rose up on her toes and kissed him back. “Thank you, Sev and good night.”

Turning, she headed up the staircase. Halfway up the flight she paused and looked back at him, slowly raising her hand to the spot where he had kissed her. Then having given him one last smile and he thought a small wink she bounded the rest of the way up the stairs and disappeared from sight. Severus gave a little nod and smiled inwardly before heading down to bed.

 


	25. Shake-ups

Saturday morning found Lily pacing in anxious circles in the entrance hall waiting for Severus to arrive. He was already fifteen minutes late and that wasn’t like him at all. She didn’t know if it was that or the idea of apparating for the first time that was causing her stomach to tie its self in knots. She only knew every day she had grown a little more apprehensive about the whole disappearing and reappearing at will thing, and for once Severus was less than no help.

He continued to treat the idea of apparating appallingly casually. This might be in part because, as he had finally admitted to her yesterday, he had done a side-along with his mother over the summer. She had begged, pleaded and cajoled for information on the particulars of what his mother had done, what he had done, anything really. The only thing he had told her was apparating felt like being squeezed rather tightly. And he honestly didn’t know anything more about it and could Lily please stop distracting him because he was trying to work on an antidote for Veritaserum.

Lily had been so distracted her own antidote turned out to be a disaster. Though thankfully not as big of one as Pettigrew’s, which ate through his cauldron and seeped across the floor, causing the entire class to scramble onto their tables to avoid the black goo oozing its way across the floor. In the end, Severus had saved her from getting a T on the project by thrusting a bezoar into her hand, telling her it would work in a pinch. Slughorn had laughed uproariously, praised her for her cheek and awarded her an O. Not surprisingly, Severus was the only person in class who had managed to turn out a perfectly brewed antidote. Probably because he was the only one in class who fully understood Golpalott’s Third Law, which he had recited by rote when asked at the beginning of the lecture.

The whole way to lunch Lily had tried to get Severus to give her more details about apparating; instead he had tried valiantly to explain the principals behind the law to her. She finally became so irritated that she snapped at him to shut up about potions class, her annoyance dying when she saw the hurt in his eyes. Before she could apologize he had trudged off down the staircase towards the dungeons, Sirius Black’s laughter echoing raucously behind him. Her nerves stretched to the breaking point, Lily had turned and unleashed her full frustration on the Gryffindor boy standing mutely before her. She figured Severus must have heard her because he said nothing when he sat down at her table in the library later that night. He had simply passed her a note with an I’m sorry and a sad face scrawled on it. Lily had taken his hand and squeezed it before scribbling me too on the note and passing it back to him. 

He had not appeared at breakfast this morning, which was not that surprising because Severus skived off meals like crazy. For the thousandth time, Lily reminded herself to do something about that in future because it wasn’t healthy for him to miss so many meals, but for now all she was more concerned with wanting him here. She anxiously turned the loop of forget-me-nots around and around her wrist.

“If you don’t stop you’re going to break that beautiful bracelet,” Alice stated as she joined Lily. Lily pulled her hand away from her wrist with a jerk. “Waiting for Severus?” Alice asked.

“Yes. He said he’d be here fifteen minutes ago and it’s not like Sev to be late.”

“Maybe he had a lie in this morning, got a late start.”

“Maybe,” Lily affirmed though she doubted it.

Alice’s eyes clouded as Lily began pacing again, almost running into Frank. “Lily, maybe we should just let him meet us there.”

Lily shook her head, prepared to go down to the entrance of the Slytherin common room and pound on it. At just that moment Severus came stalking up the stairs. From the set of his mouth Lily knew he was furious. By the time he had reached Alice and Lily he had the semblance of a smile plastered on his face though his eyes were still dark and dangerous.

“Good morning, Severus,” Alice said hesitantly.

“Good morning, Alice, Lily.”

“Sev, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Lily looked at him doubtfully and the slightest hint of a grimace crossed his face. “Can we talk about it later? After I’ve had a chance to…”

“Simmer down?”

“Something like that. Here, I brought this for you. My mum sent it to me, I thought it might help you.” He passed Lily a musty, leather-bound book.

Lily took the book from his hand, which she noticed was still trembling, Severus really was in a strop. She carefully flipped through the brittle pages not understanding why he had given it to her until she saw a chapter on apparition. “How many times have you read this?”

His eyes flashed, maybe this wasn’t the time to tease him. “None.”

Lily looked at Alice and winked. “My best friend, the rock of self-restraint.”

Alice laughed as they made their way out of the castle. “Should I ask why he wasn’t allowed to read a book?”

“Because I am a very wicked best friend who wanted him to learn something with me for once instead of being light years ahead. Plus, this way I don’t have to be a nervous wreck all by myself.”

“What is there to be so nervous about?” asked Alice.

“I think the two of you underestimate what an advantage you’ve had growing up with all this knowledge. There are times when being a muggleborn is a serious drawback and this is one of them.”

“Lil.” Severus’ voice had grown gentle and the anger was slowly fading from his eyes. “Alice and I don’t know any more then you do, honestly. So stop worrying so much. You’ll be fine.”

“What’s Lily fretting about now?” Remus asked as he fell into step with them.

“Apparating.” answered Alice.

“Can’t say I blame her. What if you splinch yourself?” Peter Pettigrew chirped nervously.

Severus turned his head to snap at Pettigrew, but stopped when he found, to his surprise, he was surrounded by a group of sixth years, most of whom were Gryffindors, though Tattington’s Ravenclaw boyfriend was trailing along at the end of the procession having a rather vehement discussion with the dark haired girl.

“What’s splinching?” Lily whispered.

Severus leaned very close and whispered in her ear, “something you’re too smart to do, so don’t be concerned about it.”

She was looking at him very anxiously, normally he would have squeeze her hand or hug her but they were in the midst of this pack and he still wasn’t comfortable with public displays of affection so instead he mouthed, “you’ll be fine, trust me.”

Lily nodded determinedly, her hand brushing his lightly. For a second he allowed his index finger to wrap around hers before Black jostled him from behind causing Lily’s hand to slip away. Severus glared at the boy and probably would have retaliated but he wanted Lily to be as relaxed as possible and he knew that his getting into a row wouldn’t help her.

The group finally entered the quidditch pitch and stopped. Ranged out before them were dozens of old fashioned wooden hoops. At the front of the pitch stood all the heads of houses, Professor Dumbledore and a short, rather wispy man.

“Come on let’s find a good spot,” boomed Potter racing towards the middle of the pitch. “I hope we don’t ruin the field for the next match.”

Lily followed after the rest of the Gryffindors and while Severus didn’t want to learn with Potter and the idiots who followed him he wasn’t about to leave Lily when she was in such a state. From several rows away he could see Avery and Mulciber eyeing him speculatively. He ignored them and took up a place near Lily, trying to take no notice of  the fact that Potter had planted himself firmly on her other side, or that he was assuring Lily, she was sure to do well. In front of Severus, Pettigrew was whispering feverishly to Lupin. Oh Merlin, was he surrounded by marauders? His eyes found Black flirting horribly with Olivia Stanton, a Ravenclaw, on the other side of Potter.

A hush fell over the crowd as the small man stepped onto a platform erected at the end of the field.

“Good morning. My name is Wilkie Twycross and I shall be your Ministry Apparition instructor for the next twelve weeks. I hope to be able to prepare you for your Apparition Tests in this time. While the next twelve weeks will require a great deal of effort and concentration on your part I feel confident that at the end of our time many of you may be ready to take your tests.” [1]

_May be_ Lily thought, wasn’t that supposed to be a given? Her heart was fluttering rapidly. She tried to calm herself and pay attention to what Twycross was saying now.

“As many of you know, it is usually impossible to Apparate or Disapparate within Hogwarts. The headmaster has lifted this enchantment, purely on the Quidditch Pitch, for one hour, so as to enable you to practice. May I emphasize that you will not be able to Apparate outside of the confines of this pitch, and that you would be unwise to try.

“I would like each of you to place yourselves now so that you have a hoop in front of you.”

Every student that had not already done so raced to stand in front of a wooden circle. Lily swallowed the lump in her throat and centred herself in front of her hoop. She could do this; after all, she had been able to do everything else at school.

The Heads of House all yelled, “Quiet!” and the pitch became miraculously still. All eyes were focused on the Ministry wizard waiting to hear what he would say next.

“Now then, the most important things to remember when Apparating are the three D’s! Destination, Determination, Deliberation!”

Lily could see Severus muttering the words under his breath as if to fix them in his memory.

Twycross continued, “step one:  Fix your mind firmly upon the desired destination. In this case, the interior of your hoop. Kindly concentrate upon that destination now.”

Lily glanced sideways and was hardly surprised to see Severus was staring unblinkingly at his hoop. Oh Merlin he would do it in the first try. She quickly looked around to see what everyone else was doing and briefly caught James’ eye. He winked and flashed her a bright smile before gazing at his own hoop. For some reason this made Lily feel a little calmer. She smiled back at him before taking a shaky breath and concentrating on the space in front of her.

“Step two,” said Twycross “focus your determination to occupy the visualized space! Let your yearning to enter it flood from your mind to every particle of your body!”

This part was no problem, she had determination, which was why Severus was standing next to her and not across the pitch with the Slytherin prats. She smiled a little; everything was going to be fine.

“Step three,” called Twycross, “and only when I give the command…Turn on the spot, feeling your way into nothingness, moving with deliberation! On my command, now…one – ”

Panic flooded back into Lily. Wait, they hadn’t learned anything yet! Surely this insane man couldn’t expect them to apparate already! Oh, she should have let Severus read his stupid book because even he looked thrown by the complete lack of instruction.

“ – two – ”

_Oh God, oh God I don’t want to apparate yet! What am I meant to be doing? The hoop, just concentrate on the hoop._

“ – THREE!”

Lily spun around, and landed flat on her backside. For a moment she was humiliated until she realized Alice was in a similar position in front of her, and Pettigrew was planted nose down in the grass. James had barely remained upright, while Sirius had merely stepped calmly into his hoop causing many people around him to laugh. Severus, on the other hand, looked perfectly calm and collected, and Lily wondered if he had even attempted to spin around. Somehow she doubted it. Even as she wondered this, he held out his hand and helped her back to her feet.

From the front of the pitch, Twycross smiled jovially and said, “never mind, never mind. Adjust your hoops and back to your original positions please.”

Sighing, Lily returned to her spot in front of the hoop. Twycross repeated his instructions over and over until Lily was sure she would scream if she ever heard the words destination, determination, and deliberation again. Still no one had managed to apparate, not a single Ravenclaw not even Severus, who looked as determined as Lily had ever seen him.

Then, ten minutes before the end of the lesson, it happened, from just in front of Severus came a horrific scream. Dizziness instantly claimed Lily when she saw Peter Pettigrew standing in his hoop with no arms, those limbs were still in his original spot five feet away. She clasped her hands over her mouth, trying to stifle her own scream. All the professors were rushing towards Peter, as were his three friends, a loud bang and a puff of purple smoke later and Peter’s arms were back in their proper place. Lily wondered if she looked half as aghast as Peter did.

Twycross looked completely nonplussed as he said, “splinching, or the separation of random body parts occurs when the mind is insufficiently determined. You must concentrate continuously upon your destination and move, without haste, but with deliberation…thus.”

Giving an elegant pirouette Twycross vanished from in front of Lily and reappeared at his previous spot at the front of the pitch. “Remember the three D’s. Now let’s all try again…one – two – three.”

Lily didn’t make the smallest attempt to do anything this time. She just stood looking around at her classmates, some of them were muttering and spinning clearly still trying to apparate, but many more were staring slack jawed at Pettigrew, who was sobbing and jabbering frantically to his friends. Lily was amazed to see how gentle James was being with Peter; it was usually the type of behaviour one expected from Remus.

The three boys were leading the smaller one away when Twycross announced that the lesson was over for this week and that until next Saturday they should all concentrate on the three D’s. The only thing Lily wanted to concentrate on was the lanky boy standing next to her. She rushed to his side.

“You – you – you…” she sputtered. Severus raised an eyebrow at her questioningly, but for once Lily didn’t find it endearing. “Prat!”

Up ahead the marauders slowed. Severus took Lily gently by the elbow and tried to steer her away from the rest of the students but she would not be deterred.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Severus gave a little sigh and shut his eyes briefly. When he opened them again Lily saw a mixture of concern and amusement. “I thought it would be better for you.”

“How so?”

“Because you get fixated on that sort of thing.”

“Do not.”

“What about the dementors?”

She frowned at him for a moment, she had no come back for that one. They had finally caught up with the Gryffindor boys who fell in behind them, probably in the hopes of hearing the best friends row.

“Okay, fine. But as my best friend…”

“As your best friend, I thought that reducing your stress levels would decrease the likelihood of splinching.”

“Did you read that somewhere?”

“I already told you no.” He sounded vaguely annoyed now.

“Well…maybe you’d better.”

Severus laughed, not his normal at school chuckle, but a loud, deep-chested laugh, the sort she usually only heard during the summer. When Severus laughed like that she couldn’t help but laugh along with him. She gave him a light shove and he staggered a step sideways before looking at her with dancing eyes.

“Seen the light have you?”

“Yes, you were right and I was wrong.”

“What was that? I’m not sure I heard you properly.”

“Sev! Being smug is not attractive on you.”

Behind her Sirius muttered something to his friends, causing a small burst of laughter. Severus’ eyes narrowed slightly but instead of retaliating he smiled at Lily and held out his hand. “Does that mean I can have my book back now?”

Lily reached into her pocket and pulled out the brown leather bound volume. “You can only have this back if you promise to help me and not hold anything back this time.”

“As if you even have to ask.”

“Well, it is you.”

“You wouldn’t not teach Lily? Would you?” queried Alice.

“Oh no, it’s the not the teaching part we’re debating. Severus is more than willing to share his brilliance with others. But he has this tendency to not tell me things if he thinks they’ll upset me, and it’s gotten him into a lot of trouble in the past. I think he’s getting better now though.”

“See, she blames me but it really is all her fault.”

“How so?” Alice asked.

Severus cleared his throat and began, “it all started one summer day…”

“You are not going to tell this story!”

“Why not?”

“You know why.”

“I can leave that bit out,” he offered with a wicked gleam

“Sure and maybe I’ll forget the story about you by the river and the old…”

Severus clapped his hand over her mouth, laughed and shook his head. “Never mind! I was wrong. Entirely my fault, just forgot for a moment is all.”

Lily laughed and pulled his hand away, casting a speculative look his way as if trying to decide if she was going to continue the story or not.

Severus shook his head no again and Lily responded with another laugh. “Okay, you win this time.”

Alice looked on at them bemusedly before shaking her own head and saying, “you two are peculiar.”

“What makes you say that?” Lily inquired.

“You have all these bizarre conversations. I don’t think most of us know what you’re talking about half the time.”

Lily gave Severus a questioning glance and he shrugged his shoulders slightly, her response was to smile and shake her head almost imperceptibly.

“See, there.” Alice waved between the two of them. “You’ve just had a whole conversation without any of the rest of us knowing what was going on. How do you do it? Is it leglimency or something?”

Lily’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “No, I guess we can do it because we’ve known each other so long. We just know how the other thinks now. Isn’t that how all best friends end up?”

Alice gave another shake of her head, this time apparently in disbelief and entered the castle door. Lily watched as the others entered the castle. James Potter was the last to pass them, eyeing the two speculatively. Once he had passed through the door Lily turned on her heels and walked around the corner of the building, knowing Severus would follow her. She walked down the length of the wall, running her hand along the worn stones.

Her mind was racing, Petunia had once said a similar thing about her and Severus and their conversations, though she had called them freaks. Lily had run all the way to the spot, wanting to ask Severus if he thought there was something wrong with them but he had been in a peculiar mood that day and so she hadn’t asked. She smiled a little to herself remembering how she had tried to teach him a silly song instead, trying to cheer him. She softly began to sing under her breath.

She heard the smile in his voice when he spoke. “I don’t think I’ve heard you sing that since we were about ten.”

“Eleven. I haven’t done it since we came to school. Do you remember that day, Sev?”

“Yes, you tried to get me to sing and I tried to tell you I can’t carry a tune in a bucket. But you didn’t believe me, in the end I had to do it just to get you to stop pestering me.”

Lily smiled and slid down the wall. “You really were terrible, though I’m still convinced you sang so badly on purpose.”

“Not me.”

They sat in companionable silence for several moments, smashed into the corner and huddled together to stay warm.

“Do you know, when you use to tell me about Hogwarts I always imagined we’d be in the same house.”

“Me too.”

“I can’t believe some stupid hat decides.”

“It’s not a stupid hat, Lil.”

“Of course it is. Some silly hat decided in some arbitrary way my best friend and I didn’t deserve to be together.”

“I’m not sure that’s actually a consideration when the sorting hat places you.”

“It should be!”

“Maybe it should.” His voice became gruff, “so, if you were going to resort us, where would we go?”

“I think you’re a natural Ravenclaw, so we could be there together. I wonder, if I had asked to be with you or you with me what would have happened?”

“It never occurred to me to ask.”

“Me either. Do you think it would have mattered?”

“I doubt it. Besides, I don’t think I would have been a good Gryffindor. You, on the other hand, would fit in perfectly where ever you were placed.”

“Even Slytherin?”

“Lil, any house would be lucky to have you.”

“You know, Sev when you put your foot in it you do it in a big, bad way.” She saw him frown a little at that. “But when you say the right thing, you _really_ say the right thing.”

“Well, you were bound to rub off on me sooner or later.”

It was several more minutes before Lily said anything else. “Do you think we’re strange, aren’t all best friends like us?”

He looked over at the head now resting on his shoulder. “You’re the only best friend I’ve ever had so I don’t think I’m qualified to answer. But it does seem like we are a little different.”

“Oh.”

“Does that bother you?”

“Actually, I think I feel sorry for everyone who doesn’t have this. It must be sad not to know your best friend so well you can’t tell what they’re thinking.”

“Must be – Guess we were pretty sad there ourselves for a while.”

“But we’re perfect now. And I’d rather be a little odd with you then boring with anyone else.”

“Good to know – So, are you feeling better now?”

“About apparating?”

He nodded his head, his cheek rubbing across her hair.

“Not totally. I still can’t believe you didn’t tell me you could just leave body parts behind.” she gave a little shutter, her body pressing closer to his.

“I knew if I did you would fret like anything. But I’ll read up this week and I’m sure by the next lesson we’ll be in perfect form.”

“You promise to tell me everything you learn?”

“Absolutely.”

“No matter how bad it is?”

“I promise splinching is as bad as it gets.”

“Okay…so, have you finished simmering down yet?”

“I suppose. Avery and I had – words this morning.”

“About?”

“The amount of time I am spending with – people he considers to be less than desirable.”

“Meaning blood traitors and mudbloods.”

“Don’t use that word, Lil.”

“Why not? I think if I am one, at least as far as that lot’s concerned, then I should be able to use the word.”

“You’re not, so please stop. It’s hard enough to hear other people use that term, it’s unbearable coming from you.”

Lily sighed, “is that all that happened, you had words?”

“Meaning?”

“He didn’t do anything to you, did he?”

“No. He just made it clear I had better readjust my priorities.”

“What about the whole trying to become head boy excuse?”

“I don’t think they’re buying it anymore.”

“Well, this is what we wanted, isn’t it?”

“Yes, I’m just not sure if this is merely Avery’s opinion or an official warning.”

Lily raised her head and looked him in the eye. “Do you think he and Mulciber are already…?”

“No, neither of them is of age yet, but I’m going to guess they’ve gotten an offer similar to the one I did.”

“And?”

“Yes, they’ll both join as soon as possible.”

“That means there’ll be Death Eaters at school. Sev, you have to go to Dumbledore and tell him.”

“What would I say, Lily? I have no proof.”

“And you don’t want him to know you thought about joining.”

“I’m pretty sure he already knows. I just – it’s one thing to try and get out and another to become a turncoat.”

“So, you’re protecting them?” There was a spark of anger in her eyes.

“No, I’m protecting me. If they decide I’m not Death Eater material that’s them rejecting me and that’s how they’ll see it, but if I tell on them I’m little better than a traitor and traitors don’t survive. Besides, I think there’s very little that goes on in this school and Hogsmeade Dumbledore doesn’t know about.”

“If he asks…”

“Then I’ll tell him what I know. Otherwise I’m keeping my very limited knowledge to myself.”

Lily’s brow creased with worry. “Sev, what did you tell Avery?”

“I’m trying to become head boy, that you’ve been my best friend since I was nine, the usual.”

“What did he say to that?”

“Nothing really. Just…” Severus’ face flushed though she couldn’t tell if it was because he was embarrassed or angry. Whatever had been said was clearly weighing on him, far more than he was letting on, so she decided the best course of action was to not press him further for details.

“What are you going to do now?”

“Carry on, try to avoid them as much as possible. Maybe you can show me how to sneak into the kitchen and I could eat somewhere else. That would help minimize my time with them.”

“Don’t you think if you don’t go to meals and spend all your time avoiding them it implies you’re somehow intimidated or scared of them? Wouldn’t it be better to keep going to meals and spending just as much time in your dorm, that sort of thing, almost pretending as if it didn’t happen?”

“I suppose that would be the shrewd thing to do.”

“Then that’s what you should do. Come on, let’s go inside and if any of those idiots try to hurt you, I’ll protect you.”

It was funny how a year ago Lily coming to his defence was embarrassing. Now Severus felt proud she was willing to stand up for him. “Going to take on all of Slytherin are you?”

“If that’s what it takes. You’re my best friend and the only way anyone is hurting you is if they come through me.” As if to illustrate her point, Lily rose to her feet, hands clenched by her side.

Severus looked up at her in awe “How did I manage to get such a great best friend?”

She held out her hand to him with a smile. “Maybe it’s because you’re a wonderful best friend yourself… Now, best friend of mine, what do you say about heading to lunch?”

Taking her hand firmly in his, he hoisted himself up. “I say that sounds good.”

As the two of them headed back to the entrance, Severus hoped one day he would manage to absorb even a fraction of Lily’s courage.

For the next several days Severus tried to ignore all of Avery and Mulciber’s pointed stares and whispered conversations and focus on learning to apparate. He thought he was making good headway, though Lily still seemed to be a little hesitant. He really wished Pettigrew hadn’t splinched himself in front of her. By the end of the second lesson, she still hadn’t managed to apparate. Severus so desperately wanted to make her feel better about the whole situation he hadn’t even tried. Which was probably just as well, since Potter had once again positioned himself on the other side of Lily and was making all sorts of broad hints about Valentine’s Day and the Hogsmeade trip the following Saturday which made concentrating quiet difficult. Lily had finally snapped at Potter and told him to shut up before changing places with the Hufflepuff girl on the other side of Severus to get away from Potter.

Severus had dreaded this Valentine’s Day, in part because Potter was being so persistent and over the top and in part because he didn’t know how he was meant to behave this year. He knew things were shifting between himself and Lily but wasn’t sure if that shift extended to how they celebrated holidays. He debated back and forth on whether or not to get her something, flowers or chocolates, but they had never even acknowledged this particular holiday in the past, so in the interest of taking things slowly and giving her space he decided to let it pass. A choice he regretted the moment he saw James Potter holding a large bouquet of roses at breakfast Wednesday morning.

The sight only added to the annoyance he was already feeling, annoyance that started when he had been way laid by Urania on his way up to the Great Hall. She had presented him with a card that spewed confetti all over him and sang a love song in a loud screeching voice; even he sounded better than that. The girl had then bounced up to breakfast holding fast to his arm and yammering about Merlin only knew what.

He really hated this stupid holiday. A hatred that only grew now that Lily appeared to be graciously receiving the red flowers from Potter, who tousled his hair in response, grinning cockily around the room. Well fine, two could play at this game, he had all day to come up with something, all he needed was an idea. Slinging his bag over his shoulder he stalked from the hall, already deep in thought.

Lily paused with a fork of eggs half way to her mouth as her best friend stalked by. She noted with some amusement there were several pieces of red and pink confetti caught in his hair. He certainly seemed to be in a foul mood, which she bet stemmed from the acquiring of that confetti. Chuckling slightly to herself, she turned to speak to Alice, only to see the girl was staring tearfully at the flowers James had given her moments before. It was only then Lily realised she hadn’t seen Frank and Alice spending much time together recently. She quickly looked around for the head boy and saw him sitting at the end of the table, looking grumpy and moody, picking at the mess on his plate.

“Alice, why aren’t you and Frank sitting together?”

Astoundingly, Alice’s response was to burst into tears and run from the hall. Lily grabbed up both their bags and raced after her, leaving the roses behind her on the table. Lily sped past countless other students and was running out of breath when she saw Severus up ahead of her. Taking the bags from her shoulder, she thrust them at him and asked him to take them to the Potions room for her. With the weight removed she was finally able to catch up with the tearful blond.

“Alice, wait! For heaven’s sake, Alice, I can’t breathe!” Lily panted.

Alice slowed and turned down a little used corridor, sinking to the floor and bursting into hysterical sobs.

Lily sank down next to her. “What is going on?”

“Frank hates me!”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“It is and it’s all his mother’s fault!”

“Alice, you need to calm down and tell me what’s going on.”

Alice wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, sniffling a little. Lily dug in her pocket and fished out a tissue. “Here.”

“Thank you.”

“So what’s happened? You and Frank seemed perfect before Christmas holidays.”

“We were, but then, just as we’re getting off the Express, he told me he wanted me to meet his parents. I thought he meant someday, far in the future, but he meant right then. I panicked and made up some incredibly stupid excuse. He seemed a little disappointed but told me we could do it some other time. And Lily, he meant some other time during the holidays. I kept coming up with all these reasons not to meet the Longbottoms and frankly none of them were particularly well thought out. So now Frank’s angry with me. He hasn’t even spoken to me in three days.” Alice wailed and put her head down on her knees prepared to unleash another storm of tears.

“Oh, Alice, I’m sure you can fix it.”

“No, it’s over and all because I wouldn’t meet his mother. Lily, I love him, really I do, but have you seen his mother?”

“No.”

“She’s scary. Absolutely terrifying and his father…” Alice gave a little shutter. “How those people managed to produce someone as warm as Frank I have no idea.”

“I understand.”

“Do you?”

“You should see Sev’s parents, total nightmare.” Lily gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. “You can’t tell anyone I said that.”

“My lips are sealed. What do I do? I don’t want to lose him.”

“Well, the fact is, if you’re going to be with their son, you’ll have to meet the Longbottoms one of these days.”

“I know. I just need more than thirty seconds warning. It’s a really big step, meeting your boyfriend’s parents and I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”

“Then you need to tell Frank that.”

“You think?”

“Yes, he can’t fault you if you’re not ready for such a big step.”

“What if he does? What if he wants to break up with me?”

“Please Alice, he looks miserable. Go tell him you’re sorry for being so silly but you’re just not at the meeting the parents stage yet.”

“Yes, you’re right. I have to go get my bag anyway so might as well talk to him then.”

“Oh, I grabbed your bag for you.”

“Where is it?” Alice asked, looking around.

“I gave it to Sev, he’ll take it to class. And if you don’t make it, I’ll bring it up to the dorm afterward.”

“Thanks, Lily. Wish me luck.”

“You don’t need it, the boy’s crazy about you.”

Alice got up and after smoothing down her skirt and straightening her hair she left to find Frank. Lily clambered up after her and headed down towards the dungeons. She was a hall away when she came upon Sabrina, who, like the girl she had just left, was crying. Remus Lupin was trying to calm her and failing utterly.

“Sabrina?”

She instantly turned and threw herself into Lily’s arms. “Oh, Lily!”

“What’s wrong?”

Sabrina only sobbed harder; Lily could feel tears seeping through her robes. Her eyes met Remus’ and he shook his head in response.

“Come on, let’s go in the ladies – Remus, can you tell Professor Slughorn we’re going to be a little late?”

“Of course.”

Lily steered Sabrina into the toilet down the corridor. Once they were in the room, Lily locked the door. “Sabrina, what’s wrong?”

“Nathaniel. That stupid, shagging…I can’t believe I was so stupid – honestly, I am such a mug.”

“What did he do?”

“You know I told him I wasn’t ready to have sex with him.”

“Yes.”

“And he said he was fine with that. And of course he was! Because he’s shagging Lydia Redmill!”

“The Hufflepuff prefect?”

“Yes!”

“How do you know?”

“I caught him. He was coming out of a broom closet with her this morning.”

“Well maybe…”

“Don’t even try it, Lily! His trousers were still half undone and her top was miss buttoned.”

“The wanker.”

“No, clearly not what he’s been doing.”

“I’m so sorry, Sabrina but if that’s what he’s like then you’re better off without him.”

“Why do people always say that?”

“Because it’s the truth in this case.”

“I can’t believe I’ve broken up with someone, on Valentine’s Day and when I go to Hogsmeade this weekend they’ll be there all gross and kissy and I’ll be pathetic and alone.”

“Why don’t you come with me and Sev?”

“I don’t want to intrude.”

“You wouldn’t be.”

“Won’t that make me look more pathetic?”

“Oh, I’ll figure something out. Until then, don’t let Nathaniel know that he’s gotten to you.”

“You’re right.” Sabrina crossed to the tap and splashed some water on her face. “Let’s go to class.”

Lily nodded and unlocked the door, following the other girl down the hall and into the potions room. With a sigh she slid into her seat next to Severus. He looked at her questioningly and then quickly scribbled a note on a piece of parchment pushing it towards her.

_What the hell is going on?_

**_Alice had a fight with Frank._ **

_About?_

**_Meeting his parents. I think they’ll be fine now though._ **

_And Tattington?_

**_Found out Nathaniel is shagging someone else._ **

_Prat. She’s well rid of him._

_**That’s what I told her.** _

_Good news for Lupin anyway._

“You can all begin now,” Slughorn boomed.

“What do you mean about Remus?” Lily whispered under cover of the noise from rising students.

“Look at him, he clearly fancies her like mad.”

Lily looked surreptitiously over her shoulder and saw Remus was making a fine show of pretending not to look at Sabrina. “When did you figure that out?”

“A couple of weeks ago.”

“I wonder why he hasn’t said anything.”

“Probably because she had a boyfriend until two minutes ago.”

“He’d be better for her.”

“Hmm,” Severus intoned noncommittally.

“Sev, do you care if Sabrina comes with us on Saturday?”

“What, to apparition lessons?”

“No, to Hogsmeade silly.”

“I didn’t know…That’s fine.”

“What about Remus?”

“Lily.”

“What?”

“She just broke up with her boyfriend, you can’t set them up already!”

“I’m not!”

Severus quirked an eyebrow at her and shook his head in disbelief.

“It’ll be better if we all go in a big group. Then it doesn’t look like she’d just tagging along with us.”

“Oh, and you, me, her and Lupin looks perfectly normal does it?”

“What about Alice?”

“What about her?”

“We could ask her too.”

“I’m sure she’d rather go with her boyfriend.”

“I told, you they’re having a row.”

“And if they’ve made up by then?”

“Then Frank can come too. And I know you like Frank and Alice.”

“Tell me how is it in the space of two minutes we’ve gone from just you and I going to Hogsmeade to dragging half of Gryffindor with us?”

“Four people is not half of Gryffindor and you can invite anyone you’d like.”

“Who would I ask?”

“I don’t know, ask Clive or Ametus.”

“How about we just ask Sabrina and not worry about trying to get her a replacement boyfriend?”

“Hmm, I don’t know, besides if it’s just the three of us, word may get back to Urania that you were escorting two ladies and I wouldn’t want Sabrina to have to deal with the wrath of Burke. Speaking of which, I have to assume she’s the reason you have flecks of confetti in your hair.”

“Damn.” Severus exasperatedly ran his hand through his locks. “I thought I’d gotten all of that out.”

“Nope.” Lily pulled several small pieces of sparkling paper from his hair and threw them on the table.

“This really is out of hand now.”

“Me or Urania?”

“Both. She’s practically stalking me and you appear to be channelling Emma Woodhouse. Leave Sabrina and Lupin alone. Besides, if you ask Lupin then his mates will want to tag along.”

“So?”

“So, you’re my best friend, Lily but I’m not spending an entire day with Potter and Black.”

“Oh, Black’ll spend the day off snogging someone so you won’t have to deal with him.”

“Just Potter then, ever so much better.”

From behind them, came a huge bang. Like the rest of the class, Severus and Lily quickly dropped to the floor and clambered under the table. “If I were you, I would worry more about Pettigrew than Black or Potter.”

Severus moaned, “I had forgotten about that idiot.”

“Sev, just say you’ll go and let me take care of the rest.”

“Lil…”

She beamed at him as she scrambled out from under the table. “Everything will be perfect – trust me.”

“Famous last words,” Severus grumbled as he rose to join her.

 

 

[1]      Half Blood Prince American edition pages 382-385


	26. The Enemy and The Announcement

Severus had to admit he wasn’t particularly looking forward to the day when he rose on Saturday. Lily had absolutely refused to be dissuaded from her idea of going to Hogsmeade as a group and had pursued it with vigour the last few days. As of last night, it appeared there was going to be about twelve of them, including all four of the marauders. Severus knew he shouldn’t be surprised, the minute Remus found out Lily had asked Sabrina he had enthusiastically agreed to join them, on the pretext that more people in the group would take Sabrina’s mind off her ex. Severus honestly couldn’t fault the boy too much because he recognized, all too well, the looks Lupin was giving Sabrina when he thought no one was watching. On the other hand, Lupin’s presence ensured the rest of his friends had to tag along and Severus could do without them.

Severus rolled out of bed with a sigh. In the end he had actually asked Ametus if he wanted to join the group, since the boy was starting to become overly stressed about his upcoming O.W.L.s and Severus thought it might do him good to relax a little. And he had grown to like the younger Gryffindor, so much so he had begun tutoring him in several other subjects as well as Potions. He hated to admit it but he also wanted someone he could talk to when Lily inevitably got wrapped up in talking to everyone else.

After a quick shower, he headed upstairs to apparition lessons. Since skiving off was not an option though he was sorely tempted to do just that.

Lily was standing in the entry, waiting for him and talking to Sabrina, who seemed to be in a much better mood. Lupin was a short distance away, looking a little put out at Potter and Black, the later looking proud and cocky and the former slightly dejected. Severus didn’t have the slightest idea what that was about. He did notice, with interest, that Nathaniel Beddingfield was absent. Severus made his way over to the two girls, arriving at the same moment as Frank and Alice.

“…in the hospital wing for at least the weekend. I know I should be angry, but I really can’t be,” Sabrina was gushing.

“You shouldn’t have encouraged them, Sabrina,” Alice chided. “They could have gotten into a lot of trouble.”

“That’s why I wouldn’t let Remus go.”

“Wouldn’t let Remus go?” asked Frank slyly.

A small smile curled Sabrina’s lips. “I knew if I got too upset he’d stay, he’s such a sweetheart.”

Lily gave Severus a pointed look as if to say, ‘see I told you, perfect match.’

“I’ve obviously missed something,” he interrupted quickly.

“Oh, James and Sirius hunted Nathaniel down for me last night and left him in rather bad shape,” Sabrina explained.

“That’s right, no one breaks the hearts of any Gryffindor girls and gets away with it. Stupid Beddingfield, Redmill’s not even that good of a shag,” broke in Sirius.

“I don’t want to know how you know that Sirius,” said Frank with a shake of his head.

“Oh, I don’t kiss and tell.” Sirius grinned wickedly.

“Yet you’re perfectly willing to shag and tell,” returned his best friend dryly.

“Well, one of us has to get a little.” Sirius looked at Lily suggestively before adding, “we can’t all sit around waiting for the perfect woman.”

Lily blushed a little and Severus felt the overwhelming desire to send Black up to join Beddingfield in the hospital wing. Thankfully a shove from behind distracted him before he had a chance to act on his impulse.

Frank glared at the person behind Severus. “Avery, after apparition lessons you need to report to Professor Slughorn.”

“Stupid blood traitor,” Avery mumbled under his breath.

“On second thought, why don’t we go find him now.” Frank gave Alice a quick kiss and with a punishing glare waved Avery towards the door.

The group watched them go, then Remus turned to his friends. “Guess he’ll be joining the two of you in detention today.”

Severus’ heart leapt. Black and Potter were in detention; he wouldn’t have to spend the day with them. There was a slight bounce in his step as the group made their way to the pitch.

“Well, at least we can have a little fun at his expense so it won’t be a total waste,” Black muttered darkly.

Lily turned to look at Sirius “How does that make you any better than him?”

“What we do isn’t dark, is it?”

“But it’s not nice either.”

“Oh, Evans.”

James frowned at his friend. “Let it go Sirius, Lily’s right.”

Severus’ good mood was dashed instantly. He tried frantically to think of something to say because Potter was getting the infamous please kiss me look, but nothing was coming.

“Severus, Ametus tells me you’re tutoring him in Defense and Arthimency now.” Alice smiled at him gently.

“Yes.”

“And you persuaded him to come to Hogsmeade today?”

“I thought it would be good for him. Reduce some of his stress.”

“Then you’re being nicer to him than you were to us,” Lily teased.

It was true that last year Severus had constantly tried to persuade Lily not to go to Hogsmeade on the pretext that they needed to study. “We were never that stressed. It won’t do him any good to crack under the pressure.”

“Well, you have been very generous with my cousin and I thank you for that, Severus.”

Severus nodded at Alice. He didn’t know if it was what the girl had intended, he doubted it, but Lily’s attention had been successfully diverted away from Potter.

“Speaking of not cracking under the pressure, I am determined…” Everyone groaned at the sound of one of the three D’s. Lily merely laughed and continued, “not to worry any more about splinching myself. I think Sev’s right and worrying will only increase the likelihood of it happening.”

“You should pass that theory along to Peter. He’s been in a state ever since he did it and nothing I say seems to calm him.” Remus suggested.

Severus couldn’t help but notice, with amusement, Lupin had managed to manoeuvre it so he had ended up walking next to Sabrina. The girl turned to Remus, smiled and told him how kind he was causing the boy’s eyes to light up with joy.

Just then, the subject of the conversation came running up “Wait for me!”

Several members of the group paused and waited for Peter to catch up.

“Where’s Mary?” questioned Alice. “I thought she was coming with you.”

“Oh, she started talking to Mulciber and it was taking so long I just came on ahead.”

Without a word, Severus turned on his heel and started striding back towards the castle. Vincent seemed to delight in tormenting MacDonald. Severus suspected it was because his roommate was secretly attracted to the muggleborn Gryffindor and was ashamed of the fact. Having reached the entrance hall Severus immediately headed up the stairs. Vincent had mentioned to him in passing the other day he had found a secluded nook on the fourth floor and it seemed to be the best place to start looking. He had climbed two flights when the girl he was searching for came down. She shot him a dirty look as she passed.

“Slytherin scum.”

He turned and watched her go. Honestly, he didn’t know why he had bothered to come and try to help such a hypocrite. A moment later Mulciber rushed by, grumbling under his breath.

“Mulciber.”

The boy stopped and turned on the step. “What do you want, Snape?”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m sorry?”

“What were you doing with MacDonald?”

“Taking a leaf out of your book and trying a little recruitment of my own.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You and your new pack of friends. I’m not Marius, Severus I know Lucius asked you to recruit people.”

“How?”

“I wrote him after you started spending all your time with the Gryffindors. Frankly, I was beginning to think you might have been missorted; that maybe you would be better off with the filth. When I saw Lucius over the hols he told me he had asked you to do a little recruitment, you just appeared to be more enthusiastic than he expected. I think you might be wasting your time with some of them, like Potter, but if you could get Black and Longbottom – you’d be set wouldn’t you?”

“If you know that, then why did Avery…?”

“He’s jealous.”

“And you?”

“I’m not going to be anything great and I know it. You don’t have to worry about me, but Marius, he’ll take you down if he can.”

“Why? I’ve done nothing to him.”

“You’re a half-blood and he doesn’t think you should have as high a place in the ranks as a pure-blood. Besides, he thinks you’re up to something.”

“Such as?”

“He doesn’t believe you’re one of us anymore. He thinks you’ve been tempted away by Evans.”

Severus’ stomach plummeted to the soles of his feet. He would have never thought, in a million year, Avery would be the one to put it all together. That left the question of what everyone else believed and the quickest way to figure that out was to ask Marius’ best friend. “Why are you telling me this, Vincent?”

“I see the light. Lucius likes you; you’re his protégé, his pet project… and I want you to take me with you, Severus.”

“Where?”

“To the top.”

Crap this was bad; he had handle this very carefully or everything could fall apart amazingly quickly. “Vincent, like you said, I’m a half-blood there’s only so far I can rise.”

“Not true.”

“It is. I didn’t even rate an invitation to Lucius’ wedding.”

“It’s because of his parents not him.”

“And that’s the way it will always be. Go tell Avery, I said I’ll never get as high as him in the Dark Lord’s circle and I wouldn’t want to.”

“What does that mean?” asked Mulciber suspiciously.

It was tempting to say, ‘because Avery’s right, I don’t want to join the Death Eaters, you nitwit. I have seen the light and she’s down on the quidditch pitch flirting with Potter so I have to go, because I love her and can’t live without her.’ Instead he answered, “I wouldn’t want to raise myself above my betters.”

“You’ll go further than you think, Snape.”

“Maybe yes, maybe no. But I’m no threat to either of you.” Mulciber nodded and turned to leave; somehow Severus couldn’t help but interject, “Vincent, just a word of advice, from what I’ve heard Potter and Black did a job on Beddingfield last night so I would leave MacDonald alone.”

The boy pivoted on the stairs once again. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Severus stepped down one riser before Mulciber continued, “Avery’ll get to you anyway he can.”

“I know.”

The brown head nodded again before Mulciber turned and bounded the rest of the way down the stairs and out of sight. Severus stood frozen on the step for a moment. The stakes had just become a whole lot higher. He had an enemy, a real enemy, one who would destroy him if at all possible. He walked slowly down the stairs and out the door to the quidditch pitch. The lesson was already well underway when he arrived. He looked to where Lily was standing, Potter on one side and an empty hoop on the other and without another thought apparated into the hoop.

There were startled whispers when people realized he had apparated across the entire pitch. Lily looked both vaguely frustrated and more than a little amused.

“How?” she mouthed at him.

He gave her a tight-lipped smile, his mind still half on what Mulciber had said as he muttered, “Determination.”

Lily gave a firm nod and fixed her eyes on her hoop. Potter and Black were looking at him with suspicious eyes, as if he had discovered some secret dark method of apparating. Everyone else was looking at him with varying degrees of awe and Severus realized with a start he was the first person to apparate without splinching himself. For the rest of the lesson he watched his fellow sixth years, paying special attention to Avery, who seemed more interested in hissing at Mulciber than in trying to accomplish his task. Severus’ eyes narrowed slightly when Vincent gestured in his direction. When Avery’s grey eyes met his, Severus nodded slightly and, unable to resist, apparated back to his original position.

“Show off,” Lily whispered.

Avery’s gaze had not left his in the least and the anger in them had increased slightly.

“Sev.”

Severus wanted to look at Lily but knew he couldn’t be the first to back down in this staring contest.

“Severus what…?” Lily’s voice trailed off and he knew she had become aware of what was happening between him and the other Slytherin. It was only when he felt a hand touch his arm that he turned to look at her.

“Lily, that was brilliant!” Alice exclaimed.

“What?” The word was spoken out of instinct, Severus knew from her tone she wasn’t particularly paying attention to Alice.

“You just apparated. How did you do it?”

Lily’s eyes were staring fixedly into Severus’. He bet now she wished they were going to Hogsmeade alone or maybe that they weren’t going at all.

Alice’s voice was a little hesitant when she spoke again. “Lily?”

The green eyes probed the black intently for one more moment before she smiled at the girl in front of her. “Turns out that determination is the most important part.”

“Oh.”

“Just focus hard on where you want to be, clear your mind of everything else and move.”

Alice nodded and looked prepared to take Lily’s advice when Twycross announced that the lesson was over for this week.

“So, are we going to Hogsmeade directly from here or does anyone need to go back to the castle for anything?” asked Remus.

“I told Frank I’d meet him in the entrance hall. Severus, where did you ask Ametus to meet us?”

“Here. So, I think I’ll wait at the pitch.”

“I would like to get a jumper. Lily, will you walk back with me?” Mary inquired.

“Actually, I think I’ll stay here and keep Sev company.”

“Lily.”

“Oh, Mary, I’ll walk back with you,” sighed Sabrina. “I forgot my pocket money anyway.”

“Guess I’ll walk up with the detainees and grab a cloak while I’m at it,” declared Remus.

Mary smiled at Lily persuasively. “We should all go then. I’m sure Snape will be able to catch Ametus before he leaves.”

Severus only half heard what the girl was prattling on about. His attention was fixed on Mulciber who was talking quickly to Avery, his arm once again gesturing in Severus’ direction. He wished he knew what Mulciber was saying, because no matter what Vincent had said in the castle Severus didn’t trust him. Like many other people in his old group, Mulciber would do whatever it took to get ahead himself and if that meant hanging Severus out to dry then he would do it.

“No, you go. Sev and I will wait here since it’s what we said we would do. Go on, or we’ll never get to the village.”

The group of Gryffindors headed towards the entrance to the pitch while Severus and Lily walked in the opposite direction. The pair passed through a small arch and strolled around the outside of the stands slowly.

“What happened?” She asked when she thought they had gone far enough that they wouldn’t be overheard.

Severus glanced over his shoulder and saw a shadow move. “Nothing.”

“Sev.”

He shook his head slightly and glanced towards the shifting darkness. If he ever needed her to understand their silent language this was the moment. Apparently she did, because her next statement veered from what he knew her original inquiry was about.

“Something must have happened for you to realize how to apparate like that.”

“I suppose everything just clicked all of a sudden. I figured despite what Twycross said we were concentrating too hard. You must have done the same, since you also managed to apparate.”

“I don’t think I did it in quite the same way.”

“Well, whatever you did, it clearly worked for you.”

“Uh huh.” Lily murmured in agreement.

Severus could see the shadow shifting away from them. Clearly whoever it was thought he and Lily were going to continue on the same topic for the foreseeable future. He also knew that, like himself, Lily was keeping a close eye on the patch of darkness. Unfortunately, it only shifted a few feet before it stopped.

Obviously frustrated, Lily pulled Severus into the shadows of the stands and whispered, “who is it?”

“Avery.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

“How?” she asked.

“He’s spying on me.”

“Because?”

 “He’s figured it out.”

Lily gave a start. “Do you mean…?”

“Yes.”

She rose up on her toes so that her breath caressed his earlobe. “What’s he going to do?”

“Anything he can to destroy me.”

“Sev, what are we going...?”

Severus heard the faint sound of footfalls, he quickly pressed a finger to her lips and shook his head. Despite this, a small gasp escaped Lily.

“How close is he?” he breathed in her ear.

She pressed her lips as close to his ear as she could get them, then with the barest hint of noise said, “right behind you.”

Severus hoped Lily could see the warning in his eyes. If she said the wrong thing now they would be in real trouble. She clearly understood this because as she slowly backed away she said in an amused voice, “where did you hear that?”

He had no idea how Lily was going to play this off but she obviously had a plan so he was going to trust her instincts and follow where she led. “Nowhere, I just pay attention.”

She laughed lightly, but her eyes were still worried. He could only hope Avery couldn’t see them. “I should have known, you’re always the observant one. Well, come on, we should go before every one wonders where we’ve got off to.”

“Aren’t I allowed to share secrets with my best friend now?” he asked just as lightly, stepping out from the shadows.

“The juicier the better and that was a good one.”

His eyes met hers and seriously he said, “You can’t tell, Lil.”

“I wouldn’t do that. We can talk about it though, right?”

“Hmm, later,” he acquiesced as he rounded the corner.

“Good – Look, Ametus is waiting.” Lily walked briskly towards the boy who was obviously searching the pitch for them.

Severus knew Avery was still watching him and so strode confidently across the grass, joining Ametus and a fourth year girl he had never seen before. The foursome quickly fell into conversation, after Ametus introduced Severus and Lily to his girlfriend, Julia. Severus noted that a moment or two later Avery slunk from the shadows and stalked across the pitch towards the castle. A few feet from the entrance he was apprehended by Professor McGonagall and loudly lectured for being late to detention. She marched him away smartly, adding an additional day’s worth of detention to the current one.

It seemed to take forever for the group to reassemble and start towards Hogsmeade, though it took only minutes for Severus to feel completely out of place. Everyone was chatting about how Pettigrew had somehow managed to catch an armchair on fire the other night, a conversation he clearly couldn’t contribute to. He walked silently, falling further and further back until he was a yard or so behind the rest of the group. It was tempting to just go back to the castle and do something else, maybe study or finish one of the books he had gotten for Christmas or his birthday. Truthfully now that Potter was in detention his main reason for coming had disappeared. Especially since Lily would be too busy with the rest of her friends to spend a lot of time talking to him. The sound of her voice drifted vaguely back to him, followed by a bit of laughter from Mary. He stopped where he stood, his feelings were a trifle hurt but he knew this was always the way it was with Lily, she couldn’t help but be the centre of attention.

“Sev!” Lily called out, emerging from the pack. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why are you all the way back here? People are going to start to think you don’t like me.” She had walked to his side and smiled up at him.

“Of course I like you, Lil.”

“Then come walk with me.” Her eyes looked so sad and wistful. Then her gaze flicked to his lips and shifted subtly. Why did she always have to look at him like that when there were people around? Didn’t she know he couldn’t kiss her for the first time with an audience?

“I was actually…” She was looking at him as if the world would end if he didn’t go. Severus couldn’t finish, couldn’t tell her he had intended to leave so instead he said, “I have a rock in my shoe. I need to get it out. You go and I’ll meet you there.”

“I can wait.”

“Lil, everyone’s waiting on you.”

“Well then, they can wait on you too, can’t they?”

He sighed and sat down on the side of the track, unlacing his right boot. His socks were a mess and he was embarrassed to let people see the holes in them. He shifted until his back was mostly to the group, trying to pull the black fabric over his large toe. Lily eyed the socks interestedly, though thankfully she said nothing. He upended the boot and was gratified when a small stone fell out. He quickly jammed his foot back in the boot and whipped up the laces. Then, taking her hand, he raised himself up off the ground. The rest of the group started to move as they joined them.

“Sev, are you alright?” she asked softly.

“I don’t know –  Lily, would you care if I didn’t go?”

“To the village?”

“Yes.”

“Sev.” He hated it when she said his name that way, like she was sad or disappointed. “Please come, I won’t have any fun if you aren’t there.”

Someday he would figure out how she managed to say something in just the right tone of voice to crumble all his arguments and defences. He nodded his head and continued on. Lily took his hand in hers and squeezed it tightly. It was the closest he’d ever come to the dream of the two of them going to the village as boyfriend and girlfriend. It was then he noticed there was an even number of boys and girls in the group and they had all apparently paired up. Obviously the couples were together, Ametus and his girlfriend giggling about some private joke, Frank and Alice looking at each other with pure bliss. Remus was glued to Sabrina’s side talking more animatedly then Severus had ever seen, even Mary and Peter were walking together.

Suddenly he felt more light-hearted, it was like Lily to do such a thing. He looked down at her with a smile. “You just couldn’t resist, could you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Except for you and I, everyone is a couple, or people you think should be a couple.”

“Not true.” He quirked an eyebrow at her in disbelief and her face briefly filled with yearning before she hurriedly added, “I would never fix up Mary and Peter.”

“No?”

“No, because…” She leaned very close to him, “you have to promise you won’t tell anyone.” He shook his head to assure he wouldn’t. “Mary fancies James.”

“Does she really?” This was an intriguing piece of news, maybe he could help MacDonald get what she wanted, thereby assuring his own victory.

“Now who’s match making?” asked Lily with a laugh as she took in the look on his face.

“I don’t know to what you are referring.”

“Uh huh,” she replied, shooting him a knowing look.

“Are you two coming or not?” called Frank.

With a start, Severus realized he and Lily had stopped and the rest of the Gryffindors were now staring back at them from several feet down the lane.

“Sorry, sharing secrets,” Lily laughed and bounced down the dirt path.

Alice smiled. “I think if you’re holding us up then you should share them with all of us.”

Lily shook her head. “No, these are top secret secrets, best friends only.” Alice’s eyes clapped on Severus, who by now had rejoined the group. Lily laughed, “It won’t do you any good to ask Sev. If anyone ever knew how to keep a secret it’s him.”

Pettigrew’s eyes narrowed a little. “I’m sure someone could get his secrets out of him.”

Great, now the little prat would run off and tell Black and Potter and they would spend the next several weeks trying to pry information out of him. Apparently he was not the only one to reach this conclusion because Lily answered in a crisp voice. “I doubt it and only a fool would try.”

Sabrina’s voice cut across the tension growing between the two housemates. “What a pity because I’ve been wondering for weeks about that story you wouldn’t let Severus tell us after the first apparition lesson.”

“That’s one story I’ll never tell. I would be too scared of what Lily would do to me. I will say the whole thing ended in me telling her about dementors and her spending the next month asking me questions I had no answers to.”

“Really? Such as?” Remus queried, pulling his fellow marauder along.

“I honestly can’t remember them all now. I do remember every time Lil would do something magical after that she would ask me if the dementors would come and get her.”

Lily laughed as the group moved towards the Three Broomsticks. “It’s not my fault. Sev knows how to tell an exciting tale when he wants and he told that one a little too well. I was absolutely terrified for months after that. Eventually he wouldn’t talk about them anymore. Now every time he finds out something he thinks will upset me he keeps it to himself.”

“Seems more peaceful that way.” His tone was light and teasing.

“Some best friend, huh, more worried about his peace than my knowledge.”

“Not true, if peace were my goal I’d give in a lot more often, believe me.” He rolled his eyes and heaved a deep sigh.

A large burst of laughter accompanied them into the pub. The girls swiftly went off in search of a table while the boys shoved their way to the counter, shouting out their orders. They really had paired off Severus noted with amusement as each of them ordered a drink for the girl he was with as well as himself. Everyone but Peter it appeared, since he left with only one drink in his hand. Severus dug in his pocket and finding a few loose coins he ordered a butterbeer for MacDonald.

He arrived at the table just as MacDonald was telling off Pettigrew for forgetting her drink. Severus thrust one of the bottles towards her, earning himself a smile from Lily.  If he expected anything similar from MacDonald then he was severely disappointed, she didn’t even bother to pay him back for the drink. He was trying to think of a way to ask for the money, one that wouldn’t provoke a row when Lupin pointedly asked Pettigrew what he had done with Mary’s money and when Peter stated he still had it Remus demanded the money be given to Severus.

Severus was grateful to the Gryffindor prefect and was surprised to find himself wondering if he had maybe been mistaken in his initial assessment of the other boy. Maybe, like himself, Lupin just wanted to belong, to have friends who liked him despite everything and that couldn’t be easy when you were a werewolf.  If anyone appreciated having friends when you have otherwise been shunned, it was Severus. That was part of the reason he had kept his mouth shut after what had happened in the tunnel under the whomping willow in fourth year. He hadn’t even told Lily he had definitive proof of what Lupin was. Though he had tried very hard to use the incident to let Lily know just what dangerous wankers Potter and Black were.

Then there was the fact that Lupin had remained quiet about Severus’ secret. He didn’t know if that was repayment for Severus keeping quiet about his or due to some form of loyalty towards Lily. It was clear to him Lily and Lupin had their own special relationship and if he was being totally honest with himself that scared him. He had occasionally wondered if Remus was poised to be the replacement best friend. That thought hurt almost as much as the idea of Potter winning her heart. Having thought about it over the holidays, Severus came to the realization Lily was right, Lupin had gone out of his way to be nice this year, even going so far as to tell his friends to lay off on occasion.

After the Three Broomsticks, the group headed off towards Zonkos. Severus couldn’t say he was particularly excited about this stop. He had never been one for gag gifts or practical jokes and there was no subtlety to any of these products. At the same time, he didn’t want to be the stick in the mud because strangely enough he was fitting in. He wasn’t the fifth wheel that no one would talk to, Frank had talked to him about N.E.W.T.s which had caused Ametus to start up about O.W.L.s and everyone had been happy to share their advice and stories with him. True he wasn’t having the best time now but hopefully they could leave this shop soon and go do something else.

“I was sort of hoping we wouldn’t have to come here today,” Remus confided, coming to rest against the clear patch of wall next to Severus. “James and Sirius can spend hours here and I can never figure out how since the merchandise doesn’t change that often.”

“I have to admit I’ve only been in once or twice. It’s not my type of shop really. Personally I’ve always hoped Flourish and Blotts would open a store in the village.”

“That would be good.”

“Practical too, since the school’s just up the way.”

“Yes.”

Severus shifted against the wall, this was strange and uncomfortable, Marauders weren’t meant to have friendly conversations with him. It seemed they stood in awkward silence for a millennium before Lupin spoke again. “I think I’m going to go outside for some air. Would you like to come?”

The request was pointed; clearly Lupin had something he wanted to tell Severus away from the hustle and bustle of the crowd of students. Severus nodded and followed Lupin outside and around the side of the building. He was surprised when he saw the boy reach into his jacket pocket, he instantly braced himself for the coming onslaught, he had been a fool to believe Lupin was different from his friends. But Lupin pulled out a small square box instead of the expected wand.

“I don’t suppose you smoke?”

Severus shook his head.

“Do you care if I do?”

“No.”

“Thanks, it’s hard to sneak it in up at school so I tend to be more open in the village.”

Severus wrinkled his nose a little in distaste as the acrid smoke drifted across to him. Lupin took a drag and smiled at him. “It’s a disgusting habit, I know but it helps me relax. So…” the sandy haired boy shrugged his shoulders.

“How do you relax the rest of the time?”

“Ahh, sneak off to the forest. I keep saying I’m going to quit but it hasn’t happened.”

“You can’t have been doing it that long, you’re only what, sixteen?”

“Started when I was twelve.”

Severus’ eyebrows shot up his forehead.

“My own act of rebellion.”

“I thought that was what your friends were for.”

“Severus, I don’t condone what they do to you and I have tried to stop them, honestly. It’s just – with Sirius – I think he sees you as a way to retaliate against his family. He says everything to you he wishes he could say to them. He wants to squash out the Black in him and just be himself. And he and James are thick as thieves, like you and Lily. I’m going to guess you know why James is the way he is?”

Severus nodded. Where was this all going?

“Peter just goes along with whatever they want. I suppose I do too most of the time. But, I want you to know I am loyal to Lily and want what will make her happy.”

Was it possible he was wrong about how Lupin felt about Tattington? Maybe it was really Lily he fancied. Severus’ mouth was dry as dust and he could think of nothing to say. Lupin continued to gaze out across the fields towards the shack, puffing away on his fag. “I really admire what you’re doing, Snape. It must take an extraordinary amount of courage to walk away from that group.”

If Severus was thrown the moment before it was nothing to how he felt right now. “It’s the best thing to do, the right thing to do.”

“And it’s what Lily wanted.”

If Lupin expected him to answer then he would be waiting an eternity because Severus was giving nothing away. He thought he heard the boy next to him give a small chuckle.

“She’s extremely happy about this. Any idiot could tell Lily’s so proud of you, she could burst.” This time Lupin laughed, “when you’re finally out of that group she’s going to throw some sort of victory party or at least run around the castle telling everyone how right she always was about you.”

“What you mean?”

Remus sighed and took a long pull from the cigarette in his hand. “People haven’t always been kind to her about your friendship. But every time someone would question her, she would say, ‘you don’t know, Sev. He has a good heart, I promise.’ Sadly, I don’t think many people believed her, but Lily’s never cared, she’s constantly stood up for you.”

Severus swallowed hard.

“Look, Severus, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I just want you to know I greatly prize my friends and I would never betray their confidences. So whatever Lily tells me about you stays between her and I and only her and I.”

“What about…”

“They know nothing about this. Nor will they unless you give me permission to tell.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

“I respect that. I also – I also respect what you’re doing. I meant it when I said it must take a huge amount of courage to change your mind about being a Death Eater.” Lupin looked at him long and hard. “I think you might have been missorted.”

“I seem to be getting that quite a bit lately.”

“Then there’s probably something to it.” Remus threw the fag to the ground and stomped it out with the heel of his boot. “Wonder if I have time for another.”

Severus shrugged his shoulders, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Remus pulled another cigarette from the packet, lighting it quickly. “So, how are you liking the tutoring?”

“It’s not so bad, as long as you don’t get anyone who’s a complete idiot.”

“Hmm, I hear you there. I have this second year – I want to go to Gilford and tell her to let the poor boy quit now because I can’t teach him a thing.”

“Yeah, Burke’s melted four cauldrons and I can’t figure out how.”

Remus laughed just as Lily came around the corner. “There the two of you are… Rem, are you smoking again?”

Severus noticed Remus had the fag down by his side, cupped in his hand. “Ummm.”

“You know, no girl is ever going to snog you if you don’t quit.”

“I’m working on it.”

“Sure.” The disbelief was heavy in her voice leading to Severus to suspect this wasn’t the first time Lily had caught Lupin in the act. “Don’t let Sabrina see you. She thinks it’s the nastiest thing in the world. Says it’s like kissing an ashtray.”

Remus looked longingly down at the slender tube clasped in his hand. Raising it to his lips he took a long draw and then threw it to the ground, violently crushing it with his shoe. “Done. I don’t suppose you have a mint or anything?”

“No, you’ll have to live with the evidence of your guilt. Or you could pop over to Honeydukes and get something there.”

“Sounds good. Listen, Lily, could you maybe…”

“I will happily distract Sabrina for you.”

“Thanks.” Remus rushed off in the direction of the sweet shop while Lily smiled after him.

“So, what were the two of you talking about?” She asked, turning her attention back to her best friend.

“Secrets.”

“Sounds intriguing.”

“Lily, do you know where Remus went?” Pettigrew queried as he rounding the corner.

“Honeydukes.”

“Is that where we’re all headed next?” inquired Mary as she joined them.

Severus was getting frustrated. It seemed as if Mary and Peter had taken it upon themselves to make sure he and Lily weren’t left alone for more than a second or two all day. From the way Lily was standing he could tell she was also getting annoyed, unfortunately before he could tell the two Gryffindors to piss off the other members of the group joined them.

It was the same all day, everywhere he and Lily went Peter and Mary tagged along. Pettigrew even went so far as to follow Severus to the loo, which was Severus’ breaking point. With barely concealed irritation he stated to one and all that he was going back to the school. Lily had also declared her intention of leaving which, of course, meant Mary, Peter, Sabrina and Remus all had to leave as well.

Once they reached the entrance hall, Severus veered off and headed down to the dungeons and his bed. Several hours later he got up and hunted for Lily in every spot he could think of but wasn’t able to find her. He was equally unsuccessful on Sunday when she seemed to be permanently surrounded by either Mary or one of three marauders. He knew this wasn’t Lily’s doing because she looked as annoyed as he felt. He honestly felt sorry for whoever ended up being on the receiving end of her temper when it cracked. Something that looked highly immanent by Monday morning when Archimedes landed in front of her.

She roughly pulled the piece of parchment from his leg, casually tossing some toast at him. The bird turned his nose up at it and flew off, passing a large brown owl that landed in front of him. Seeing Cris’ handwriting on the front, Severus pulled the letter from the owl’s leg and pushed his cup of juice towards the bird, never taking his eyes off of Lily. She had read very little of her own letter before rummaging in her bag, scribbling something down, handing it to Remus and rushing from the hall.

“Who’s that from?” simpered Urania from next to him.

“A friend,” he snapped, shoving the letter in his bag and rising from the table.

“If you know what’s good for you, Snape you’ll finish fucking that mudblood soon, before she gets you in trouble.”

“Avery, you have no idea what you’re talking about, so shut the hell up,” Severus threw over his shoulder. He could see the impact his statement had made and knew the news he had disrespected a pureblood would soon be making its way to Lucius. But he didn’t care, Lily was upset and he had to find her.

“Severus.” At the sound of his name, he turned towards Remus Lupin. “Lily asked me to give this to you.”

Severus took the scrap of parchment from the other boy’s hand, nodding his appreciation. Once in the hall he unfolded the note.

**_Sev,_ **

**_I need to talk to you. Meet me in the prefect’s bathroom. The password is snowy white. Please hurry._ **

**_L_ **

He wracked his brain, trying to remember where the prefect’s bathroom was exactly. Lily had said something to him about it at the beginning of last year but he couldn’t remember where the wretched thing was. He chewed on his bottom lip and pondered going after Lupin and asking when the memory swept back to him. He quickly mounted the stairs, making for the correct hallway. Upon reaching the door, he whispered the password Lily had given him, cast a glance over his shoulder and turned the handle. The door swung open easily, revealing the largest tub he had ever seen. He closed the door behind him but was transfixed by the sight of the large pool of water in front of him. It would be worth being a prefect just to take a swim every now and again.

“Sev.”

Severus abruptly spun around, his shoes slipping slightly on the floor. Lily was sitting in the corner of the room on a fluffy towel. The only way he knew to describe the look on her face was dazed. Dropping his bag to the floor, he rushed to her side, kneeling on the tiled floor and taking her hands in his.

“Lily, what’s wrong? Has something happened to Violet or May?”

Lily shook her head and silently handed him a piece of pale pink paper. After giving her a curious glance he took the sheaf in his fingers and began to read. Three lines down he saw what had upset Lily. He gingerly lowered himself down next to her.

“Well…umm, that’s news, isn’t it?”

“Did you – think it was like that?”

“I can’t say that I’d given it any kind of thought at all.”

“I can’t believe Petunia’s getting married and to someone we hardly know. If Dad were here he’d never…”

Severus’ eyes skimmed the rest of the letter rapidly. “Maybe it won’t be so bad. Violet seems to think he’s fine. She says he has a good job, money to provide for Petunia and seems to care for her a great deal.”

“Cares for? Isn’t he supposed to be head over heels in love? Isn’t Tuney supposed to think that he’s the greatest man ever born?”

“I thought she did.”

Lily scoffed, “I think she just likes him because he’s the first man to ever pay attention to her.”

“What’s so wrong with that?”

“Sev, you must be joking!”

“No – I think – Lily, the truth is, I decided you were my best friend because you were the first person who was ever nice to me. So…”

“We’re different.”

“How?”

“Well, for one thing, we didn’t run off and get married after only six months, did we?”

“We were nine.”

“Sev, you’re being difficult on purpose.”

“No, I’m not. I’m just pointing out that people get married for all sorts of reasons.”

“Would you marry someone you weren’t in love with?”

Severus hesitated. He didn’t ever want to marry anybody but Lily, if he couldn’t have her, then he would spend the rest of his life alone but he could see how others mightn’t feel that way. “Not personally, but…”

He broke off as Lily jumped to her feet and began to pace the length of the room. Severus shifted slightly and looked around for a towel, his bum was starting to hurt.

“How can she marry someone she barely knows? What if he turns out to be a mass murder or something?”

Severus couldn’t help but laugh at that one. “Are you serious? Did you get a good look at that bloke? I’d bet you good, hard money the man works a desk job; he’s probably a bookkeeper or something. Ten to one the most exciting thing he’s ever done is go to the races. They’ll settle down and have a life of quiet respectability in a row house that looks just like all their neighbours, down to the flowers in their garden and the sofa in their lounge. He’ll drive the most expensive car they can possibly afford and their children, two I imagine, will always be pristinely dressed, never have a hair out of place and be called Joe and Sue, or something equally boring. Then they’ll get a couple of yappy dogs and be the perfect picture of nauseating, domestic bliss.”

Lily laughed and dropped back down next to him. “Tuney with a dog? You must have hit your head on something this morning.”

“No, he just seems like a dog person to me. They’d be something to train up, show that he’s in command, and let’s face it Petunia doesn’t say no all that often.”

“True, but doesn’t that just reinforce the fact that they hardly know one another?”

“That’s just the way it is for some people, Lil. They meet, fall in love instantly and then get married quickly.”

“Are they really in love or are they just in lust?”

“I – I don’t know, hopefully a little of both.”

“How can you love someone if you don’t know them?”

“Come on, Lil it’s not as if they just met two days ago.”

“When did you get to be such an optimist?”

“Well, I met this girl when I was nine and she’s the optimistic sort so I guess I picked it up from her. Or it could be the idea of Petunia being in lust is a little – sickening.”

“That one I give you.” Lily sighed and laid her head on his shoulder. “I can’t believe I’m going to be related to someone called Vernon. Vernon Dursley, Petunia Dursley.” She wrinkled her nose and raised her head to look at him. “It sounds awful doesn’t it?”

“Could be worse. She could be called Severus.”

“I like your name, it suits you.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or not.”

“It is.” Lily sighed again and returned her head to its place on his shoulder. “Last time I leave Cris in charge of anything.”

“That reminds me, I have a letter from him.” Lily’s head bounced up as he scrambled away towards his bag. After several minutes of muttering and pulling things out Severus produced the roll of parchment. “Got it,” he exclaimed victoriously before making his way back to Lily.

He held the tightly wound tube out to her, she merely shook her head.

“Will you read it out to me, please?”

Severus cleared his throat and began. “Dear Lily and Severus. I’m going to guess that you’ve gotten mum’s letter by now. I have no idea what to say. I honestly didn’t think Petunia was that interested in this Vernon chap. I keep kicking myself I didn’t try to introduce her to anyone from university. I assure you, I tried very hard to talk mum out of giving her approval because try as I might, I can’t like him.” Severus paused and glanced at Lily. He knew the look of shock on her face must mirror his own. Cris liked everyone, so it wasn’t a good sign Vernon didn’t manage to measure up.

Lily’s voice was choked when she spoke, “go on.”

Severus wasn’t sure he wanted to, but knew Lily wouldn’t let him stop, so carried on, “Vernon Dursley has to be the most narrow-minded, bigoted git I have ever met. Admittedly, he seemed nice enough in the beginning; he made polite small talk at dinner, nothing too out of line. Or maybe that was just compared to his sister, who ranted about everyone who wasn’t exactly like her.

“By the end of dinner I had had enough, so asked Vernon if he’d like to go get a drink. Guess he thought we were going to the pub or something because when I took him out to the shed he looked like I had drug him into the worst hovel in the world. Right away he started saying what a dump it was and how it made the whole garden look cheap. I was furious, but manage to calmly tell him, Daniel had built the shed entirely by hand, without any help. That shut him up about that, then he started in on the ale. You remember, Sev, the batch we found when we were cleaning up the shed, the last batch Daniel had ever made, the one you suggested we only drink on special occasions?”

Lily interrupted, “that was sweet of you.”

Severus shrugged, a little embarrassed Lily had found out about it, and continued on. “Then that wanker had the gall to stand there and go on and on about how good it was I was taking such an active role in the family now Mr. Evans had passed. And maybe I would be able to reel Lily back in and get her away from the influence of her depraved best friend.”

Lily noticed Severus’ hand was starting to shake and the northern burr was starting to creep in as he read. “I swear to you, I almost punched him right then. The only thing that stopped me was the picture of mum and dad hanging on the wall. Instead, I very calmly asked what he was talking about since I have no problems with Severus. He looked a little thrown by that but quickly told me Petunia had confessed that her sister and that Snape boy go to some sort of boarding school for delinquents and you are both an inch away from going to prison.”

Severus’ voice was crackling with anger and the accent was now so thick that Lily was having a hard time understanding him.  She could feel her face turning scarlet and tears of anger filling her eyes. “My own sister.”

Severus threw the letter to the ground and rose from the floor, pacing back and forth. “I can’t read any more.”

Lily picked up the letter and took up where he had left off. “He then went on to say this behaviour was surprising in Lily seeing as how she had been brought up by a good family in a respectable neighbourhood. Of course, his Petunia did say Lily had been overindulged and spoiled as a child.” Lily slowly lowered the parchment. “Sev, am I spoiled?”

He stopped in midstep and spun to face her, something flashed through his eyes and he crossed swiftly to her. “Of course you’re not.” He dropped to his knees and brushed her hair back from her face. “That git doesn’t even know you. So who is he to judge?”

“But Tuney’s the one who said it.”

His eyes met hers intently and his voice became soft and low. “She’s jealous, Lil, she’s always been jealous of you. I’ve tried to tell you that a million times. It’s not your fault you’re a witch and she’s not. What were you meant to do, deny your talent, your gift, just to make her happy? That’s silly. You have to stop beating yourself up over this.”

“Oh, Sev, you don’t understand. You don’t have any brothers or sisters.”

“True, but I don’t see what that has to do…”

“Because you want your siblings to be happy and trust you. The way Tuney and I trusted one another before…”

“Before me.” He slid away dejectedly.

Lily reached out and grabbed his hand. “Don’t do that because that’s not what I was going to say. I’ve never regretted being your friend for even one second. I am so glad you told me the truth. It helped me more than you’ll ever know. You made me feel normal, Sev.”

“I made you – feel – normal?”

“Yes. I didn’t have to hide with you or pretend the odd things happening around me weren’t my doing. I could just be me. I wouldn’t take that back for anything or anyone.” Her eyes were filled with overwhelming sincerity.

“Thank you, Lily.”

She nodded and picked the letter back up from the floor, motioning him back to her side. Once he was settled she began to read again. “I have to admit, by this point I was so shocked I couldn’t speak or even move, which was probably good for Dursley because he started talking about Sev. I won’t bother to repeat what he said here but suffice it to say, the nicest thing that came out of his mouth was how you couldn’t expect anything better from a longhaired miscreant raised in a ghetto.

 “I really had had enough by the end of this diatribe and marched back into the house and told mum exactly what I thought of that ass. I point blank asked how she could let one of her daughters marry a man like that. Her response? She said Petunia was an adult and had to make her own choices. And while I mightn’t like Vernon and she might find him pretentious it was Petunia’s life and she had to be free to live it as she saw fit. I couldn’t bring myself to tell mum what he had said about the two of you. Once he left, I read Petunia the riot act. Okay I down right yelled at her, both about her choice of a future husband and the lies she had told Vernon about you two. It really did degenerate into an out and out screaming match. Now she’s angry and not speaking to me. Not that I much want to speak to her.

“I did find out from mum the wedding is set for next June and we are all expected to be on our best behaviour around Dursley. Wonder if he’s expected to be on his best behaviour for us? I am now wondering if I should resign myself to him being around, I will NEVER call him family, or if I should try to tempt Petunia away from him with someone from university. Of course, he might meet the two of you and run away screaming. Don’t suppose you could do a little magic in front of him? As my own form of torment I am determined to grow my hair amazingly long. Ha, that should show him! Sorry this letter isn’t more cheerful, I think I am still highly traumatized. Let me know if you either of you think of some way to get rid of him. Love to you both, Cris.”

After Lily read the last word, they both sat in stunned silence for several long minutes before Severus finally spoke, “I’m sorry, Lily.”

“For what? The fact that my sister’s being a bitch or that she’s marrying a man who thinks I’m some sort of criminal and will hate me until the end of time?” Unable to sit still, Lily rose to her feet, pacing back and forth in front of him.

“Both, I guess.”

“I can’t believe she said those things! How could she? And how dare she tell people you turned me into some sort of – of – whatever the hell it was she said! Where was her best friend when we needed help? Did that precious Marge come help get ready for Dad’s funeral, did she hold trees for hours or string lights on our Christmas tree? Did that idiot Vernon trim our hedges or rehang the shed door? No!” Severus jumped as her yell echoed off the walls. “You did that! My best friend! Then she has the gall, the utter hypocrisy to say those disrespectful things about you? God, I can’t believe I talked you into getting her a Christmas gift.”

Severus pushed himself up off the floor. He knew he shouldn’t be happy, but he was, Lily’s rant was pure music to his ears. “Lil, you have to calm down a little. You’ve gotten yourself all worked up.”

“I can’t help it. I’m sick of it! I’m sick of people saying horrid things about you. Look at all you’ve done this year. And still, just because you don’t fit into people’s preconceptions, they feel it’s their right to say any wretched thing they like about you.”

“This isn’t just about Petunia, is it?”

“No, Mary’s been going on about how disgraceful you are all year.”

“Oh.”

“I can’t believe I was ever friends with her…I want you to let me tell people.”

“No!”

“Please, Sev, I’m tired…”

“If you’re tired of defending me, then don’t. I don’t care what those people think of me. I only care what you and Cris and May and Violet and my Mum think, and everyone else can just go to hell.”

“Sev, I never said I was tired of defending you. If you would quit overreacting and let me finish, you would know what I was going to say was I’m tired of people not seeing the real Severus.”

“Well, they’ll just have to wait. I told you in the beginning this would take time. Now, with Avery being the way he is, things are even more complicated…and I didn’t exactly help things this morning.”

“What happened?”

Severus flushed, thinking of the other boy’s remarks. “He said something about you and I told him he didn’t know what he was talking about and to shut the hell up.”

“You really are stressed, aren’t you?”

“I’m trying to walk a fine line here. I have to be subtle if what we’re doing is going to be at all believable.”

“So you do think it’s working?”

“Yes. I didn’t get invited to Lucius’ wedding. I think that’s a good sign, though it could be I didn’t get asked because I’m a half-blood.”

Lily frowned and bit the corner of her lip. “It wasn’t the smartest thing you’ve ever done was it? I mean telling a pureblood to shut up.”

“No and I’m sure I’ll hear about it.”

“From?”

“Lucius at least, probably Avery as well.”

“Do you think Avery really knows what you’re doing?”

“Yes, so, I might have to go a little slower.”

“Does that mean not being around me so much?”

“No. It might mean that it’s back to just you and me for a little while. I might have to avoid the rest of the Gryffindors for a time.”

“But you did have fun at the village, right?”

“Yes.”

“Sev…” Lily stopped abruptly.

“Go on,” he said after a moment.

She reached out and grabbed his robes. “I want you – I want you to keep other people around you as often as you can. And don’t be in the dorm or common room if you can help it.”

“I thought you said that made me look intimidated.”

“Maybe, but I rather have you look intimidated and be safe than otherwise.”

“I will be safe. Don’t fret. I’ll take care of things with Avery.” She looked so doubtful that he pulled her into his arms. “Trust me, everything will be fine,” he whispered against the top of her head.

“Famous last words,” she muttered against his chest, her arms wrapping tighter around him.

Severus chuckled lightly. “You know, last time I said that, I ended in being spectacularly wrong.”

Lily pulled back, her eyes glimmering up at him. “Well, let’s hope I’m just as wrong.”

He smiled as he reached down to pick up their bags. “Don’t worry, you will be.” He handed hers out to her with a smirk.

“Smart alec,” Lily quipped as she opened the door and passed into the world outside.

 


	27. Prelude

The next month was a quiet one for Lily, especially once she had made it abundantly clear to Mary that she was done listening to her constant criticism of Severus. Otherwise, she went to class, watched Frank and Alice become increasingly blissful and kept a hawk-like eye on both Severus and Remus.

What had happened after Severus’ tift with Avery she hadn’t been able to find out. The only thing she knew for certain was he had disappeared Monday after classes and had not been seen again until mid-afternoon on Tuesday. Lily noted, with anxiety that he was moving very deliberately, like he was afraid to bend in certain directions. It was eerily reminiscent of Christmas day, but much like then he had refused to answer any questions and would only state it was all taken care of and she shouldn’t worry. A task that was easier said than done. In the past, if Severus disappeared for an afternoon Lily assumed he was studying or was just weary of people in general, now if he didn’t come to a meal she panicked but tried desperately to keep that fact from him.

They found a sort of cheer and refuge in the constant stream of letters coming from the Evans’ clan. Now that Petunia was engaged, there appeared to be no end in sight to the missives describing the wedding plans in long, drawn out detail. Surprisingly, much of the post was from Petunia herself. The first time one of these letters had arrived Lily had done a double take, in almost six years her sister had only written once. That letter had been a request Lily not contact her from her freaky school. Now it seemed Petunia couldn’t write often enough. Alice suggested it was probably Petunia’s attempt to make Lily jealous.

Perhaps Alice was right, though Lily couldn’t help but think it would be a cold, cold day before she would wish to marry anyone even remotely resembling Vernon Dursley. After some light hearted debate and much joking between themselves Lily and Severus had come to the conclusion they should tell Cris not to set Petunia up with anyone from university. The wedding was set for June 17 of the following year, mostly because Violet had insisted Lily be there. She was still debating whether or not her mother had done her any favours.

As Severus read about the increasingly elaborate details he laughed and said that for the first time he was glad to be the outsider because he was guaranteed not to get an invite to the insanity. Lily’s response had been to smile at him sweetly and say if she was going then so was he, so he had best be prepared to be her ‘and guest’. Severus had moaned and groaned; trying everything he could think of to get out of the disaster. Even going so far as to say he would probably be working by then and mightn’t be able to get the time off. But Lily had looked at him pleadingly; bribing him with her detailed plans to ‘have a little fun’. They had passed many pleasant evenings discussing every possible place they could hide almonds and if it would be too over-the-top to laugh at certain parts of the ceremony. In her heart, Lily knew they would do none of these things, but it was fun to come up with all sorts of devious plans. Especially since Severus had an unexpectedly cunning streak of mischief in him.

Lily’s plans had become more dramatic with each passing day, in part because she loved the way Severus’ dark eyes danced when he was amused, particularly when he was trying not to laugh, then his eyes glittered and glistened like pieces of polished jet. Petunia had once said dark eyes were unexciting, devoid of any life or feeling. Lily couldn’t agree less, she thought Severus had the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. Not that James’ weren’t nice, they just weren’t as expressive. Besides, Severus had the most amazing eyelashes, Sabrina had even asked her once if he wore mascara. Lily had laughed at that; no one was less vain than Severus.

Her other main concern was Remus. Lily thought her fellow prefect was starting to look like her best friend, constantly tired and far too skinny, and for once his haggard appearance had nothing to do with the impending full moon. How she could have missed the fact that Remus was head over heels for Sabrina, Lily couldn’t figure out. It seemed everywhere the girl went these days Remus wasn’t too far behind. Lily was puzzled by the fact he had obviously not told Sabrina of his feelings. At first, she had thought Remus might be giving his housemate time to recover from the disaster with Nathaniel. But that obviously wasn’t the case because anyone with a pair of eyes could tell Sabrina was recovered since any man over the age of sixteen who came near her was sure to be flirted with.

Every day Remus looked more and more depressed. Sabrina’s constant flirting seemed to be torture to him. Lily didn’t think the dark haired girl was immune to Remus either, because aside from Frank and Severus, he was the only man she didn’t act silly around these days. Lily had yet to ask her roommate exactly how she felt about Remus, though she suspected she already knew the answer. She had tried to talk to Alice about what they should do about the situation but Alice had stated she was staying out of other people’s love lives, her own was complicated enough now she had agreed to meet the Longbottoms.

Severus also refused to become entangled in other people’s relationships, perhaps because their own seemed to have stalled. Lily wanted to change that, but still couldn’t seem to make up her mind about who she fancied more. Every time she thought she had settled on one the other did something sweet or kind and she would be right back to where she had started, maybe. She did have the sneaking suspicion one was starting to pull slightly ahead of the other. If only he would just kiss her. Couldn’t he see that was what she wanted?

Lily sighed and crossed out the initials she had been doodling on the piece of parchment in front of her. She ripped off the corner and threw it into the common room fire, watching the flames lick at the L.E., the other two initials had already disappeared entirely. Was that a bad sign?

Looking out of the window she could see streak of lightening ripping across the sky. It had been a terrible stormy March, all apparition lessons had been moved into the Great Hall and the previous quidditch match had been played in conditions so stormy most students had chosen not to attend. Thankfully, the month was almost over and she could only hope April would prove to be better both in terms of weather and decision making. Lily shook her head to clear it and tried to concentrate on the homework in front of her but her thoughts kept drifting back to him, surely that was a good sign.

The armchair next to her creaked and Lily looked up to see a pair of friendly hazel eyes smiling at her. “Hi, Lily.”

“Hello, James.”

“This new armchair is nice, guess it’s good Pete burned up the old one.”

“I’m not sure Professor McGonagall would agree with you.”

“Hmm.” The boy shift nervously in the brocade chair.

“Can I help you with something, James?”

“I was wondering if I could talk to you?”

Lily wondered if he was going to ask her to Hogsmeade again. She contemplated what kind of excuse she could come up with for them to go in a group this time. None were coming to mind, so perhaps she just wouldn’t go at all and thus avoid the whole situation.

“James, I don’t…”

James cut across her, “it’s about Remus. I thought maybe you could help.”

“Why, is something wrong with Rem?”

James glanced around the crowded common room quickly. “Can we maybe go for a walk or something? I don’t want anyone to overhear and if Remus found out – well it wouldn’t be pretty.”

Lily’s curiosity was peaked, what could be going on with Remus that James had to be so secretive about? Nodding her head, she closed her book and thrust it into her bag. “Let’s go.”

They crossed the room swiftly, watched with great fascination by most of the people in the room. Just as they reached the portrait hole, Sirius thundered down the stairs. “Good job, Prongs!” he yelled after them.

Once outside, Lily turned and eyed James dangerously. “Potter, so help me, if this is one of your ploys…”

“It’s not, I promise. Please, Lily, I just want to help my friend.” He looked so sincere Lily couldn’t refuse. So she followed him down the stairs.

“What’s wrong with Rem?”

“It’s Sabrina.”

“Oh,” her voice was heavy with realization.

“He fancies her.”

“I know.”

“No, Lily, I mean he really fancies her. I think he might actually be a fair way towards being in love with her.”

“Is it that bad?”

“Yes, and I’ve been after him for ages to tell her but…”

“How long is an age?”

“Since the middle of fourth year.”

“Are you kidding?”

“No, every time she dates someone else he’s miserable. Then she breaks up with whoever and it’s the best day of his life, he couldn’t possibly be happier. Then it all starts again, each time he gets a little worse. I worry about what he’ll do when she picks the next one, he seems so close to breaking.”

Lily sighed, “I can’t imagine it makes it any easier that Sabrina seems to have appalling taste in men.”

“I think any guy would be the wrong one. Though I admit this time was especially bad. He was in such a state when he found out what Beddingfield had done I thought he was going to tear the bloke limb from limb.”

“So that’s why you and Sirius went after Beddingfield?”

“Yes, we thought better us than Moony. Have you ever seen Remus lose his temper?”

“I can’t say I have.”

“Not a pretty sight, down right scary, in fact. We really were doing Beddingfield a favour.”

“I’m sure that’s exactly how he thought of it.”

“I suppose not, but I don’t think he’d believe me if I told him our scrawny Moony could beat him to a pulp.”

“That is a hard thing to picture… So, how do you want me to help?”

“Will you talk to him?”

“About?”

“The thing is…” James shot a quick look around and pulled her down an empty corridor when he saw a couple of  people coming in the opposite direction. “I know Remus has told you about his problem.” His voice had dropped several decibels; it might have been the quietest James Potter had been since coming to Hogwarts.

“You mean about being a werewolf?”

James’ eyes widened and shifted from hazel to green. “Shhh, we don’t say that word out loud, just call it his furry little problem.”

“Is that what you’re always on about?”

James rolled his eyes briefly. “Yes. And it’s the reason he thinks he can’t do anything about Sabrina.”

“So he intends to pine for her from a distance for life?”

“He thinks he’ll get over it sooner or later.”

“And then what? He’s alone forever?”

“I think that’s the general idea, yeah.”

“That is the stupidest thing!”

“You don’t have to convince me. I’ve tried to assure him if a girl really loves him then his problem won’t matter. But he’s positive that…”

James paused, his eyes gazing down the hall at something only he could see. Finally Lily had to chivy him into finishing his train of thought. “That?”

“She’ll fall to pieces when she finds out or run screaming or – I don’t know what.”

“None of us ran screaming, did we?”

“Well, we basically confronted him with what we knew. I think you might be the only person he’s ever told outright. You don’t think Sabrina would…?”

“Fall apart? No, she’ll probably be startled in the beginning but I’m sure she’d get past it.”

“I guess that only leaves whether or not she’s interested in him.”

“She is.”

“How do you know?”

“For one, she told me she deliberately wouldn’t let Rem go with you when you evened things up with Nathaniel.”

James smiled and nodded triumphantly. Lily couldn’t help but grin back. “And he’s one of the very few people she’s not flirting with.”

James looked doubtful at this piece of information. “Isn’t that a bad thing?”

“No, it means she likes him too much to lead him on.” Lily giggled before continuing, “but she flirts that much harder when she knows he’s watching.”

James looked bewildered and shook his head. “I don’t…”

“She wants him to notice her. I dare say she even wants him to be jealous so that he’ll do something.”

“The idiots.”

“Oh, we’re all a little silly when it comes to love.”

“Lily, are you…would you maybe ask her, just to be sure?”

“I can try.”

“And if it turns out she is interested, will you talk to Remus? That way I’m not the only one telling him he can have the girl and be happy.”

“I already have told him that.”

“When?”

“On the express, on the way back from Christmas hols.”

“What did he say?”

Lily wracked her brain trying to remember exactly what Remus had said. “I think…he mostly sloughed it off.”

“That’s Moony for you,” James muttered before walking back down the corridor.

“Can I ask you something?” questioned Lily as she followed him.

“Sure.”

“Why are you alone on this, what about Sirius and Peter?”

“Please, Sirius is my best friend, practically a brother, but he has no more idea on how to have a meaningful relationship then I have on how to fly to the moon. He’s mostly just interested in…” James blushed to the roots of his dishevelled hair.

“Shagging,” Lily supplied.

“Yeah, and Pete – girls terrify him and I’m not up to taking on that problem right now. Maybe once I get Remus settled I can work on getting Peter to not be so petrified.”

“And Sirius?”

“Lost cause.”

They both laughed and headed back up to the common room. It was a moment before James spoke again. “So, you and Snape.”

Lily tensed instantly. If James noticed, he said nothing, he merely ploughed ahead, “how long have you two known each other?”

“Since we were nine.”

“Oh, how did you meet?”

“We both went to the same play park at home.” Lily smiled nostalgically at the memory of their first meeting “He’s the one who told me I was a witch. Poor Sev, I didn’t actually believe him.”

“How come?”

“Well, frankly I thought he was calling me a dirty name. In the muggle world, witches are evil and ugly and exist only in fairy tales.”

“What changed your mind?”

Lily could feel the wistfulness spreading across her face. “He looked so hopeful, so earnest and determined, I couldn’t get the thought of him out of my head, I had to know if he really meant it. I went back to the play park the next day and we’ve been best friends ever since.”

“But he’s so…”

“So what?” her voice instantly became dangerous.

“Interested in dark things.”

“Sev’s interested in everything. He thinks the most dangerous thing is to be uneducated, and he has a point. If you don’t understand something how can you hope to fight it?”

“That’s a fair point, but – are you sure that’s what he wants? I mean, look at the people he hangs out with.”

“He’s in their house, he has to be around them at least a little.”

“Hmm,” James intoned noncommittally.

“Doesn’t the fact that he’s best friends with me mean anything to any of you?”

“Lily – he…”

Lily stopped and looked him in the eye. “Well?”

“Yes, it does, but…”

“But nothing, you know, James people aren’t always what they seem to be. You should know that, after all you’re friends with Rem when many others wouldn’t be.”

“True, but Remus isn’t Snape,” James rejoined as they reached the portrait hole.

“They might have more in common than you think. Tell me something, if Sev hadn’t been a Slytherin, if he had been sorted into Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff or even Gryffindor would you still have such a big problem with him?”

“But he wasn’t.”

“But if he had been?”

“Lily…”

“Think about it James, he’s more like you than Pettigrew will ever be.”

James’ only answer was to sputter incoherently. Lily smiled victoriously and entered through the opening, James clambering in after her. Without pausing, she grabbed her bag and headed towards the staircase to the dorm, halting briefly when she got to Remus and the rest of the Marauders. “You know, Rem, you really are the best of this lot. Maybe you should try to teach them how to be a little bit more like you.”

The three other boys looked on in shock as she dropped a kiss on Remus’ cheek and headed up the stairs, smiling triumphantly to herself.

The next morning she was happily munching on a piece of toast and contemplating a walk outside, since it wasn’t raining for once, when Remus plopped down at her side. “Would you like to tell me what last night was about?”

“I thought maybe it was time for James Potter to realize he needs to be a little more open minded.”

“He’s never going to be open minded about Severus, he’s the rival for your affections, in case you’d forgotten.”

“I haven’t.”

“I don’t suppose you’re any closer to making a decision?”

A secretive smile curled Lily’s lips upward. “I’m getting there.”

“Can I ask who’s likely to win?”

“Me.”

Remus’ eyes twinkled and she could see the chuckle bubbling up, but a laugh from the Ravenclaw table stopped the sound in his throat. “What is she doing with him?”

Lily followed his line of sight and saw Sabrina was standing next to Nathaniel.

“Tell me she’s not going back to him,” Remus groaned.

“I think she’s talking to Sam.”

“Does she have to flirt with everyone? It’s as if she’s become Sirius’ long lost twin.”

“Well, if anything is going to get her to stop, that little piece of information would probably do it.”

Lily noticed Remus’ brown eyes had lost all of their earlier joy. Lily hadn’t been able to ask Sabrina how she felt about the now moping figure next to her. Yet despite that she couldn’t resist nudging them along. “You know, Sabrina told me last night she’s having some problems with nonverbals in Defense. She and Sev and I were going to meet up and study later today. I’m sure no one would mind if you joined us.”

She could tell right away his interest was piqued. “Where?”

“Potions room.”

“Strange place for a Defense study session.”

“Sev talked Slughorn into lending us the room.”

“What time?”

“About two.”

“I suppose I could pop along and help.”

“I thought so,” she said a little smugly.

She wasn’t certain had Remus heard her, because it seemed as if Sabrina and Nathaniel were talking now and it didn’t look as if the conversation was going well.

“I think you should go help her,” Lily whispered helpfully to the trembling figure at her side. Remus instantly rose and stalked over to where Sabrina stood, her hands balled in fists.  Down the table, Sirius Black started to stand but was restrained by his best friend’s hand. Lily and James shared a quick smile and a knowing look as Remus led a teary Sabrina from the Great Hall.

With a satisfied smile, Lily pushed her plate away. She would take that walk before she met Severus down in the potions room. She was hardly surprised when he met her at the door. Then, without a word spoken between them, followed her outside. They headed towards the forest, meandering back and forth across the grass. It was a long time before either of them said a word.

“Still trying to set Lupin and Tattington up?” The amusement he felt was evident in his voice.

“He’s crazy about her and she would be perfect for him.”

“You couldn’t let them figure that out by themselves could you?” Severus dropped down on a dry patch under a thick tree.

“They have, they’re just too shy to do anything about it. So, I’m giving them a little help.” Lily sat down next to him and beamed.

“Lily.” He smiled back at her bemusedly and shook his head.

“It’s beautiful out today, isn’t it?”

“Yes… I was starting to think it might rain forever. I almost don’t want to go inside.”

“So, no potions today?”

“I can’t decide. I really want to brew this mixture, but it’s been so horrid lately it’s tempting to skive off and enjoy the nice weather.”

“As long as we’re back for our study session I don’t care if we skip the potion for today.”

“Let’s stay out here then.”

“Hmm.” Lily lay down and put her head in his lap. “I invited Remus to join us today, by the way.”

Severus threw back his head and laughed. “Of course you did.”

Lily giggled a little before looking up at him with sparkling eyes. “You’re not angry are you?”

“No, the minute you asked Sabrina I knew it was coming.”

“Well, it just goes to show what you know because, I only asked him at breakfast.”

“But you asked him.”

“All right, Mr. Know-It-All. You were right.”

“Umm hmm.” His fingers were playing with the ends of her hair, raising goosebumps on her arms. “Are you cold?” his voice was deep and husky.

“No, just a little shiver.”

“Do you want my cloak?”

“Won’t you be cold then?”

“You know I don’t get cold easily.”

“Alright.”

Slowly he took off the cloak and laid it across her. “Better now?”

“Yes…Sev, do you remember how you use to tell me stories, the ones your mum told you?”

“Of course.”

“Will you tell me one now?”

“Which one do you want?”

“The Three Brothers,” she responded knowing it was one of his favourites.

Severus smiled softly. “Will you tell me one afterward?”

“If there’s time.”

He nodded and began. His voice floated melodiously on the faint breeze, while he spun a lock of her hair around and around his finger. This was one of the things they had done since the beginning, a way of sharing their backgrounds and melding their lives together. They now knew all of each other’s favourite fairy tales and regularly shared them.

Severus wondered if Lily had fallen asleep during the telling, there was such a long pause when he was finished, but then, softly, she began to tell him about the three little pigs. It was his absolute favourite, a story where the winner used their brains and not their brawn to overcome the obstacles before them.

She finished in just enough time for them to head back to the castle for the study session. They arrived at the door of the potions room laughing over the race they had just run, which of course Severus won, having the longer legs of the two. Still panting, they fell into the room only to find that they had beaten both Sabrina and Remus.

Severus’ cheeks were flushed and his eyes sparkling as he turned to her. “Looks like we’re on our own.”

“Maybe they decided they didn’t want our company.”

“Understandable since you’re a big cheat.”

“Am not!”

“You started running on two.”

“It’s a handicap!”

“A handicap?”

“Yes, your legs are longer and that gives you the advantage.”

“I guess I should be grateful you don’t try to forcibly hold me back any longer.”

Lily huffed, “I only did that once!”

“Is it safe to come in or are you two having some sort of row?” questioned Sabrina popping her head around the door.

“Yes, come in. Sev and I were just having a friendly discussion.” She flashed him a bright smile and winked. He really wished she wouldn’t do that around others, it turned his stomach into some sort of writhing mess and made thinking about anything else virtually impossible.

Sabrina smiled and crossed to the table they were standing at. “Thank you for letting me join you. I know you two usually like to study alone.”

“It’s no problem. Is it, Sev?”

“None at all. Besides, you’re not the only one Lily invited.”

“Oh, who else is coming?”

Lily pulled out a seat and began pulling her supplies from her bag, not even glancing up when she replied, “Remus, I hope you don’t mind.”

Severus noted with amusement Sabrina flushed a faint shade of pink. Drat Lily for always being right.

“No, it’s fine.”

Right on cue Remus strolled into the room, his gaze firmly set on the book in front of him. The rest of the group watched as his eyes raced down the page, once he reached the end he shut the book and smiled at the assembled group.

“Sorry, I just wanted to finish the chapter.”

“I don’t think anyone in this group will fault you for that,” Sabrina laughed.

“We are a group of readers, aren’t we? Maybe we could have a book club next year. We could alternate back and forth between magic and muggle books!”

“Lil, we have N.E.W.T.s next year I’m not sure we’ll have time to eat or sleep much less have a book club.”

“We have to relax sometime, Sev. Come on, it’ll be fun!”

“Umm, I hate to spoil your idea, Lily but could we talk about a book club another time and just work on nonverbals today? I honestly haven’t the slightest idea what I’m doing.”

Lily looked slightly downcast her idea had been so quickly rejected but recovered rapidly. At least rapidly enough to manoeuvre the four of them so that Sabrina and Remus were sitting side by side. The study session passed amiably enough and by the end Sabrina seemed to have a firmer grasp on the concept, though she did say she would welcome a little more help, which Lupin was only far too happy to supply. Lily bid Severus goodbye outside of the potions room and watched him head off down the hall towards his common room. She wished he would go somewhere else but he said he had a couple of things to take care of and they had to be done in his room.

That was the last time Lily saw Severus for the rest of the weekend. They didn’t manage to have more than a few fleeting exchanges until potions on Wednesday. Each time she had asked what was going on he shook his head and answered ‘tutoring’ before rushing away again. When he finally sat down next to her on Wednesday, looking completely done in, she was ready to demand some answers.

“Where have you been?”

“Ametus has gone round the twist. Someone, and when I find out who it was I am going to hex them, told him if he fails his O.W.L.s the Ministry will come, take his wand and declare him a squib. Now he wants to meet every night. Added to that, Urania is doing horribly and Slughorn himself asked me to give her extra help. Not that it does a whit of good, I might as well be tutoring a slug as her. So if it’s not one it’s the other. And just in case that wasn’t enough, it got around I was offering extra help and now everyone’s begging for more. I can’t even get my own work done anymore,” he groaned, and slid down dejectedly in his seat.

Worry creased Lily’s brow. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have talked you into doing this.”

“Oh Merlin, Lil, I’m sorry. It’s my own fault; I knew what I was getting into. I just need to figure out how to manage my time better.”

“You? Please Sev, you manage your time better than anyone else I know. What you need to do is tell people no.”

“I did tell Urania I couldn’t help her tonight but Ametus looks so stressed and Clive’s last potion was such an unmitigated disaster I couldn’t say no to either of them. Luckily, my other two seem to being doing much better. I don’t think they really need my help any more, they just want reassurance and I’m not good at that.”

“What you need is a good meal and some rest. As your best friend I’m demanding you get some tonight.”

“Not possible.”

“It is. I’ll talk to Ametus and Clive and we’ll escape Urania somehow. Might need a team for that part.”

Severus chuckled slightly. “And where are we going to escape to?”

Lily tapped her quill against her chin and thought. “That’s a good question. Give me some time and I’ll think of something.”

“We could go to the Owlery.”

Lily wrinkled her nose in distaste. “Not tempting, next option.”

“An empty classroom?”

“They’ll find us.”

“Look, Lil, I’m sure I can find some time to rest over the weekend.”

“You’ll drop of exhaustion before then.”

“Not me,” He retorted as he tried to hide a yawn behind his hand.

“Uh huh.”

The conversation stopped abruptly as Slughorn came bounding into the room. Severus looked annoyed at the man’s exuberance. Lily knew her best friend was beyond tired the moment they began brewing. He was double and triple checking every little thing, down to the level of the flame on his burner and his eyes seemed to be dangerously close to shutting. She strongly suspected something else was going on; something he wasn’t willing to tell her about and that meant it was nothing good.

She was so intent on studying him she knew her own potion would be far from perfect. But that hardly mattered when Severus looked like the walking dead. It was infinitely more important she find a way for him to rest. She ran through a mental list of all available places he would be guaranteed to be left alone, crossing each one off for various reasons. Maybe she could just go to Ametus and ask him to leave Severus in peace for a day or two, but if there was an underlying problem that wouldn’t help. She was about to suggest the prefect’s bathroom when an explosion shook the room.

Severus’ arm went around her and pulled her down to the ground and under the table. The room was thick with smoke and she could hear people coughing.

“That idiot is a menace. He won’t stop until he kills us all.”

“Who?”

“Pettigrew, I’ll bet you anything you like this is his fault.”

A shriek sliced through the air, cutting off any reply Lily might have been about to make. They both quickly scrambled out from under the table and rushed to the back of the room.

Lily gasped, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. Peter Pettigrew was standing by the remains of the table, where the cauldron was she wasn’t sure, because the only thing she could look at was Remus Lupin lying deathly still on the floor, a small trickle of blood running from his nose.

The whole room erupted in shouts and screams. James and Sirius were scrambling across tables in the effort to get to their injured friends.

“People, please move!” bellowed Slughorn, pushing through the crowd of students rapidly gathering at the back of the room.

Next to her, Severus began to move. “Don’t, Slughorn will know what to do.”

“Someone has to tell Pomfrey he’s on his way,” Severus reasoned.

Lily nodded, he had only moved a step when she reached out and clutched his arm. “Maybe you should tell Dumbledore as well…” her voice caught, tears were starting to slip down her face. “Just in case.”

“Lil, he’s not dead.”

“How do you know?”

“He’s breathing. I have to go.”

She nodded again and Severus sped from the room.

“Where’s he going?” yelled Sirius. “Did he do this?” His eyes pierced Pettigrew’s tiny ones.

Pettigrew shook his head violently. “No, it’s my fault. I’ve killed Moony!” he wailed.

“Oh Merlin.” Lily heard the gasp behind her followed by Alice shouting Sabrina’s name.

Lily turned and saw the brunette had joined Remus on the floor having clearly fainted. Knowing she would be no help to Slughorn, who had at long last reached the boy and was kneeling down at his side, Lily rushed to Alice’s side. She was trying to hold Sabrina in her arms, lightly slapping her cheek with her hand.

“Sabrina, wake up.” Alice’s anxious eyes met Lily’s “What do we do?”

“Sev’ll have something, let me look.” Lily rose and ran to Severus’ box of potion supplies and rummaged through it. She hoped he would forgive her for the mess she was making of the usually meticulous contents. Somewhere in here he had to have something that would wake Sabrina up. She finally spied a small bottle in the corner of the case. Trust Severus to have smelling salts. Whether they were his or his mother’s, Lily didn’t care. She raced back to the prostrate girl on the floor and thrust the bottle under her nose, watching as Sabrina began to sneeze.

Right away, tears were welling in Sabrina’s eyes. “Remus?”

“Sev says he’s breathing so that’s a good sign.”

“Potter, run and get Madame Pomfrey for me,” requested Professor Slughorn.

Lily stood quickly. “Professor, Severus already went.”

“Good. Mr. Pettigrew, I need you to move out of the way.”

Until now, Peter had been hovering over Remus, sobbing hysterically.

“Come on, Pete.” James put an arm around the shuttering figure and led him off to the side.

“I’ve killed him!” Peter cried for maybe the dozenth time.

“He’ll be fine. You know Madame Pomfrey can fix anything in a trice.” Lily was amazed at how gentle James was being with his friend. Over on the floor, Sirius was following Slughorn’s instructions diligently. It appeared when push came to shove, the friends knew how to circle around one another.

“Lily, Alice help me up,” Sabrina requested urgently.

“Sabrina, I think you should stay where you are until Madame Pomfrey gets here.”

“I want to see him.” Sabrina was pushing herself up from the floor and Lily knew she would not be deterred.

“Alice, get a chair.”

Sabrina immediately began to protest but Lily quickly cut her off. “Just in case.”

Sabrina stood and made her way towards the threesome on the floor. When she caught sight of Remus she swayed, Lily instinctively grabbed her around the waist.

“He looks awful.”

Lily couldn’t help but agree though she couldn’t bring herself to say that out loud to Sabrina. “I’m sure it looks worse than it is.”

They stood there for what felt like a lifetime until Severus burst through the door, panting heavily. “She’s right behind me.”

He walked heavily back to their table and flopped into his chair; evidently he had run both ways. Madame Pomfrey bustled in moments later and began to examine Remus, briskly shooting out orders.

“Alice, can you…?” Lily nodded in Sabrina’s direction. Alice nodded, came over and wrapped her arm around Sabrina.

Lily walked swiftly to the table and sat down next to her best friend. His head was buried in his hands and he didn’t even look up when she sat down. “Are you alright?”

His breath was still coming in fast pants and for reasons she couldn’t fathom her pulse picked up speed. Severus merely nodded, not bothering to remove his hands. “I had to look in your case for some smelling salts.”

His head shot up. “Why? Are you…?”

“Sabrina fainted.”

Severus’ eyes swivelled towards the girl, concern darkening them. “You should have her sit.”

“She won’t.”

“Hmm.”

“Anyway, I’m afraid I destroyed your box.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“That’s all I can do for him here. We really must get him to the hospital wing, Horace.”

“Of course, Poppy.”

The whole class watched as the two adults manoeuvred the injured boy onto a stretcher and levitated it out the door.

“Class is dismissed for today,” called Slughorn as he left the room.

The class immediately began to move, many people talking excitedly and moving to pack up their things. Lily could hear Sabrina’s insistent voice over that din. “I’m going, Alice.”

“Sabrina, you need to sit down and stay still.”

“No!” Sabrina marched to her spot and picked up her bag.

Alice shot Lily a pleading look.

“You go. I’ll clean up here,” Severus said gently.

“If she faints, I’ll need you.”

Severus looked at the mess in front of them, biting his bottom lip in contemplation.

“I’ll clean up,” Alice offered as Sabrina walked shakily from the room.

“Sev?”

He slammed the lid of his box shut, scooped it up in one arm and slung his bag over the other. “Let’s go.”

It took them next to no time to catch up to the unsteady girl, each taking up position on either side of her. Sabrina gave them a watery, grateful smile, took a deep breath, pulled herself taller and marched the rest of the way to the hospital wing.

 


	28. …To Disaster

When the threesome arrived outside of the hospital wing they were hardly surprised to see the three remaining marauders standing outside the door, whispering anxiously to one another.

“Do you think we should owl the Lupins?” questioned James.

Sirius shook his head. “No, better let Dumbledore do that. He’ll have more information anyway.”

“Right.” Worry creased James’ forehead. “Pete will you please stop carrying on? We all know it was an accident.”

Next to him, Pettigrew’s sobs muffled into the occasional sniff and hiccup.

“How is he?” Lily asked.

“We don’t know yet.”

Sabrina swayed again.

“Don’t worry, Remus is tougher than he looks.” James put a comforting arm around Sabrina and led her towards the wall. She gratefully slid down it.

“Are you two staying?” The black haired boy inquired as he sat down next to his fellow Gryffindor.

“Yes,” Lily answered taking up a spot on the other side of Sabrina.

Severus didn’t really want to stay but Lily was looking at him pleadingly and Sabrina was in a right state, so he settled himself by Lily’s side. Black shot daggers at him, for him it seemed the feud was more important than his housemate’s peace of mind.

Mary arrived about a half hour later; she had dropped potions upon returning from Christmas holidays so it had taken awhile for the news about what had happened to reach her. She sat down next to Sirius and the two of them began an intense hushed conversation. They were still whispering when Frank and Alice appeared.

“Here, Severus, you forgot this.” Alice handed him a jar.

“Thank you, Alice.”

“Any news?” questioned Frank.

“Nothing.” Was James’ answer.

The minutes ticked by slowly, the hall gradually filled with more people. It appeared the word had spread through the whole school that Lupin was seriously hurt. It didn’t take Severus long to figure out he was the only Slytherin sitting at what was increasingly looking like a vigil for the Gryffindor prefect. The longer he sat there the more his discomfort grew. Most people were remarkably silent about his presence in the hallway but there were some nasty looks and whispered conversations.

He was only moments from telling Lily, he had to go when Dumbledore came sweeping down the hallway. Following closely behind him, were two people Severus could only assume were Lupin’s parents. The man looked grim, his mouth set in a hard line, his tearful wife clutching his arm tightly.

James and Sirius jumped to their feet at the sight of the couple.

“Mr. and Mrs. Lupin.”

“James, Sirius,” the man spoke gruffly. He nodded to the spot where Pettigrew was glued to the floor.

“What are all these people doing here?” the woman asked.

James was visibly trying to keep it together so it was Sirius who answered. “We’re waiting to hear how Remus is doing.”

The woman’s blue eyes swept the overcrowded hallway. It was as if everyone held their breath, every set of eyes was apprehensively pinned on the Lupins. Mrs. Lupin instantly burst into tears and was escorted into the hospital wing by her husband and the headmaster.

“Do you think that’s a bad sign, Mrs. Lupin crying like that?” dread clung to every word from Sabrina’s lips.

“No,” James dropped back down by Sabrina. “She’s just moved by how many people are worried about Remus.”

“Why? Remus is wonderful – he’s…” Sabrina’s voice broke and she buried her head in her knees.

Many heads turned at the sound of the girl’s hysterical sobs but Sabrina was oblivious to the attention. Lily wrapped her arms around her friend and straight away the other girl’s head was buried in her shoulder, tears drenching the material of her robes.

“You really fancy him don’t you?”

The head moved against her shoulder “Yes.”

“Brinia, it’ll be fine, Rem, is a fighter.”

“He sure is.” James ran his hand soothingly up and down Sabrina’s back.

“Why didn’t I tell him? I’m such an idiot! I thought he would figure it out but apparently he hasn’t and… oh, Lil, I wouldn’t, you know, with Nathaniel because of Remus. I just couldn’t because I couldn’t stand to with anyone…”

“I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear that.” Lily pulled Sabrina back and looked into her eyes, smiling brightly.

“I doubt it. Let’s face it, to Remus I’m just a classmate, he probably doesn’t even know I’m a girl.”

James laughed lowly. “Oh, he knows you’re a girl, believe me.”

Sabrina turned and fixed her gaze on him. “You’re sure?”

“One hundred percent,” chimed in Sirius.

“Yeah, he’s fancied you for ages.”

Sabrina’s arms went slack. “What?”

“Wormtail, will you shut up! Haven’t you caused enough trouble for one day?” Sirius snapped.

“If he’s fancied me for so long why hasn’t he said anything?”

Everyone looked thrown. Severus could see the marauders searching for an answer that wasn’t the truth. “Maybe he was waiting for you to be unattached,” He supplied helpfully.

“But Nathaniel and I have been broken up for months now.”

“And he probably thought you needed some time to recover. Maybe he’s just trying to do the right thing.”

“Yes, thank you, Severus. I’m sure you’re right.”

Severus nodded in response to Sabrina’s smile. Lily turned slowly to look at him, her eyes darkening and lips parting slightly, her tongue slid out and licked her upper lip. He swallowed hard, it was so hard to get that look when they were in a crowd containing half the school and there was nothing he could do about it. All the others along the wall were watching them now. Merlin, was Lily edging towards him? Would it look bad if she kissed him? He didn’t think he could breathe the anticipation was so great.

“Ladies and gentlemen.”

Severus wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or cry at the sound of Dumbledore’s voice. The universe must really hate him. Lily repositioned herself so she was now looking towards the headmaster.

“As you know, Mr. Lupin was injured earlier today. I am happy to inform you all he will make a full recovery.” A sigh of relief swept through the assembly. “Now I think it’s time you all headed back to your respective common rooms.”

Most of the students began to drift away, the corridor filling with the sounds of their scuffling feet and low laughter. Soon there was only a small group left, consisting of the three Marauders, Lily, Severus, Sabrina, Frank, Alice and Mary. James had attempted to get Dumbledore’s attention after his announcement but the headmaster had glided down the hall talking to a relieved-looking Professor Slughorn. The three friends then put their heads together and whispered furiously back and forth for a short time, finally Sirius announced they were staying until they were allowed to see Remus or curfew came which ever came first.

Severus felt this was a good time to leave and shifted in preparation to stand, only to be stopped by Lily’s hand on his leg. So he pulled his box to him and slowly began to remove the contents, thinking he would fix the hash Lily had made of his various packets and bottles. Meanwhile, she pulled out a book and began to read. The others occupied themselves in various ways, Frank and Alice snuggled down in a corner and the remaining members played a quiet card game.

Once his case had been properly put to rights Severus pulled his own book from his bag and began to read. From the corner of his eye, he caught Sabrina looking at him, she smiled at the sight of the book and Severus knew he would soon be part of a four-member book club. With a sigh, Lily laid her head on his shoulder and snuggled up close to his side. He paused only briefly to see she was comfortably settled before going back to his book. The ground beneath him seemed to grow harder as the hours rolled passed and his stomach gave a little rumble causing Lily to stifle a giggle and smile up at him.

“This is ridiculous!” Sabrina exclaimed, breaking the quiet of the hallway. “If he’s going to be fine why won’t they let us go in and see him? And why haven’t his parents come out?”

Quick looks were exchanged before James answered seriously, “maybe they don’t want to overtire him.”

Sabrina’s only answer was to give an exasperated huff and throw her hand of cards to the floor.

“Sabrina, maybe it would help if you took a walk and got something to eat. I could go with you and we could bring dinner back for everyone else,” offered Alice.

“No, I’d rather stay here, just in case.”

Frank stood up and held his hand out to his girlfriend. “Well then, Alice and I will go. Any special requests?”

Heads shook in response and after hasty assurances that the couple would return soon they disappeared into the growing darkness of the corridor. Sabrina came and sat next to Lily. “What are you reading?”

Lily wordlessly handed the book to her. Sabrina took it in her shapely hand and flipped through half-heartedly, shrugging as she gave it back to Lily. She then stretched her hand towards Severus, he wasn’t that involved in the book and so willingly passed it to her.

“How is it?” she questioned after a moment.

“Some of the theories are a little outlandish but otherwise it’s not a bad read.”

“So, worth the price?”

“Only if you can get it in paperback, I think. You can borrow my copy if you’d like.”

“Are you sure?”

“Oh, go on,” Lily interjected. “Sev can share my book with me.”

Sabrina looked at them clearly puzzled. Lily smiled as she said, “trust me, we do it all the time at home.”

As if to demonstrate her point, Lily shifted against him until the book was perfectly positioned for them both to read. “See.”

Sabrina nodded and flipped to the beginning of the book. Before Severus’ eyes fell to the page in front of him they caught Black’s steely grey ones. The boy was clearly angry, though for the life of him, Severus couldn’t figure out why. If Black was somehow angered by his presence in the corridor then he was going to have to get over it because Severus had no intention of leaving until Lily no longer wanted his company.

They each went back to their pursuits until Alice and Frank returned with several baskets of food.

“Here, we just went to the kitchen and asked the house elves for food, so it’s not the usual dinner fare,” Frank stated as he put one of the baskets on the floor.

Did everyone know how to get in the kitchen but him? Severus wondered.

Severus was half tempted to ask Lily how to do it but she and everyone else, were gathering around the food. The mood became a little more relaxed and there were even a few bursts of laughter mixing with the light chatter. Severus picked the book up from the ground, thinking he would skim the beginning, it had been a long time since he had read any Austen and _Persuasion_ had never been one of his favourites to begin with so he didn’t remember many of the details.

“Sev,” Lily’s voice interrupted him after only a few paragraphs. “Come and eat something.”

He didn’t move his eyes from the page in front of him. “Not hungry.”

“Um hum, and that’s why your stomach was growling earlier.”

He turned the page before he answered, “You must have been hearing things. I assure you, I’m fine.”

“And I’m the Queen of Sheba.”

Oh, how he wanted to smile, she had to know the answer he was going to give. It was the same one he had given since she had first thrown that quip at him years ago, the first time she had really laughed for him and called him Sev. Looking up slyly, he gave her a brief half smile. “Pleasure to meet you, your majesty. I’m Severus Snape.”

Just as he had known she would, Lily burst out laughing, her eyes twinkling at him. “You’re a smart ass. So get it over here and eat or I’ll take the book.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me.”

He knew everyone was watching them. He and Lily generally reserved their banter for when they were alone. It was a private thing for him, their inside jokes and teases, but this once he couldn’t resist. On some level he knew it was because he was trying to rub Potter’s nose in how close he and Lily were, to show him they had things that were just their own. On another, it was just about him and the girl opposite, showing her he could be what she wanted, the Severus he was over the summer.

He closed the book with a huff and placed it on the floor, crossing to sit down next to her.

“Here, I already made you a plate.” She passed him an overloaded dish.

“You are so Violet’s daughter.”

Lily giggled softly and dug into her own food, talking to Alice and Sabrina between bites. It was an extraordinarily uncomfortable moment for him, what he had imagined the last Hogsmeade weekend would be like. He thought about going back for the book but didn’t want Potter and his crew to figure out how ill at ease he was. Mostly the other boys were talking about quidditch, hardly surprising since three of them were on the Gryffindor team.

After every morsel of food had been eaten Frank disappeared stating since Remus was indisposed he supposed he was going to have to take his patrol duty. There was a small amount of snickering when Alice left with him. But the group soon settled down into their previous activities. It must have been about a half hour before curfew when the door to the hospital wing swung open and the Lupins walked out. The three marauders and Sabrina instantly sprang to their feet.

“How is he?” questioned James.

The man smiled, his brown eyes crinkling up at the corners. “He’s a little worse for the wear but we’re assured he’ll be back to his old self in a few days.”

“Can we see him?” Black was practically bouncing with pent up energy.

“I’m not sure if that’s wise. He needs rest, Sirius.”

“We’ll be quiet Mrs. L, promise.”

“Well, he was asking for the three of you.”

Sabrina’s face fell a little at the news but it appeared no one else noticed as Mrs. Lupin continued, “I suppose if you are very quiet and stay only a short while then it’s alright with me.”

Two of the boys beamed at her. “Thanks Mrs. L. Come on Pete, Remus will want to know you didn’t blow yourself to kingdom come.” Sirius grabbed the smaller boy’s hand and pulled him into the room.

The Lupins watched fondly for a second before the man smiled at the women. “Let’s go home, Hope, you could stand a little rest yourself.”

Mrs. Lupin nodded and smiled at her husband, before turning to her son’s friend. “James, try not to let him do anything else too crazy this term.”

“Believe me Mrs. L, I think after this Pete is done with potions.”

“Good news for us all,” Severus muttered in Lily’s ear.

The Lupins exchanged a quick goodbye with Potter before disappearing down the hall. Once they left James turned to the remaining students. “Are you all coming in?”

Severus noted that Potter’s eyes darted towards him, concern briefly etching his features. He didn’t know if Lily saw or if she had her own reasons for the answer she gave.

“It’s probably best if Rem doesn’t have too many visitors right now. You and Brina go and I’ll come see him tomorrow.”

“Mary?”

“I think I’ll go back to the common room with Lily, but tell Remus I hope he feels better soon.”

“Sounds good. Come on Sabrina.”

Sabrina hesitated then said, “maybe I should wait.”

“Nonsense, he’ll be thrilled to see you. Go.” Lily pushed her friend lightly on the back. The two entered the room and Lily turned back towards Mary. “You don’t have to wait. Sev and I can clean up and take the baskets back to the kitchen.”

Mary looked put out but left all the same.

“Thanks for staying, Sev, I know you didn’t want to.”

Severus shrugged and piled the last of the dinner debris in a basket, before following Lily down to the dungeons and watching in fascination as she tickled the pear in a picture of fruit. They returned the baskets of contraband to a flock of over-exuberant house elves.

“Do you want me to walk you back?”

“No, it’s almost curfew and I wouldn’t want you to get in any trouble.”

“Alright. Good-night, Lil.”

“Night, Sev. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She waved back at him as she bounded up the stairs.

A fortnight later found Severus heading towards the Great Hall for dinner, relieved that it appeared he would actually have the evening to himself. Maybe he would hunt up Lily and see if she wanted to spend the night with him, perhaps go down and brew a potion for fun or just sit and talk. Even though Black and Potter had been a pain since the night in the corridor outside the hospital wing he was in a remarkably good mood. This was probably because he was becoming increasingly confident he would be the one to win Lily.

There was a definite spring in his step as he descended the stairs. After spending countless hours debating with himself, he had reached a command decision. He was done with this insanity and indecisiveness, the next time Lily gave him the look he was going to grab her and kiss her and he didn’t care if everyone in school was watching. He could only hope he didn’t falter when the moment came and prayed it came soon.

He was three steps from the bottom of the staircase when he felt someone brush against him and a hand slip into his pocket. He glanced around for Lily and thought he saw a flash of dark red hair passing into the Great Hall but wasn’t entirely sure. Severus wondered why Lily would give him a note when she could have just stayed and spoken to him, as he pulled the scrap of parchment from his pocket and read the scribbled letter.

_Sev,_

_I’ve figured out how to get into the Shrieking Shack. Poke the knothole on the trunk with a stick._

Severus shook his head in amusement, he could have told Lily that after the debacle set up by those stupid prat Gryffindors in fourth year. He didn’t know why he had kept his mouth shut about the whole thing. He suspected it was because he and Lily had already been having problems and she was always so quick to defend Lupin. Plus, she had insulted Potter when he had hinted about the incident, for Severus that was enough at the time. He supposed he kept quiet now because it was none of his business, sooner or later fate would catch up with that lot, he just had to sit back and enjoy the show.

He stuffed the note back into his pocket as he entered the Great Hall. Severus was puzzled when he didn’t see Lily at the Gryffindor table, but figured she had been going in the opposite direction for some reason and that’s why she had slipped him the note. Since Lily wasn’t there, it didn’t matter to him where he sat, so he slid onto the very end bench at the Slytherin table, pausing to returning Black’s dirty look with one of his own.

Severus didn’t have any idea what was wrong with Black these days. He could understand why Potter didn’t like him and antagonized him at every available opportunity. But Black? Severus supposed it was possible Severus now fancied Lily himself, though he had assumed Black and Potter were to close to pursue the same girl. But then, it appeared Sirius had gone through just about every other available girl in Hogwarts, so perhaps Lily was the only option left to that wanker of a Gryffindor. If that were the case maybe the two best friends could take one another out of the running, leaving him alone and blameless. The more Severus thought about the idea the more he liked it.

He cheerfully opened his Charms book and began to read, absentmindedly working his way through a helping of Sheppard’s Pie. After four pages, several forkfuls of food and constant glances at the Gryffindor table his interest in dinner died. His mind could only concentrate on one thing, where was Lily? Everyone in her normal group was sitting at the table laughing and joking, so clearly no one needed her help.

And why the note about such a pointless thing? That was the type of insignificant information she would normally save until they next saw one another. Severus pulled the note out of his pocket. Trying to puzzle out why Lily would feel such an urgent need to share the information.

Several minutes of staring produced no revelation. Sighing he started to thrust the parchment back into his pocket. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of black. He turned the paper over swiftly and his question was answered.

_Meet me there tonight at 7. You need some rest and it would be a good place to hide._

_Lily_

Great. Severus knew he had to figure out some way to tell her this was absolutely the only time they could ever meet in the shack. It wouldn’t do to be there at the wrong time of the month, though perhaps seeing would be believing, because he knew, in his gut, the other three Marauders joined Lupin in the shack every a month. How they managed to do so without getting bitten or killed he couldn’t figure out. And finding out was not worth the risk it would take to uncover the mystery.

Severus supposed telling Lily the truth about what really happened in fourth year was an option, but somehow he knew it would sound as if he was merely being petty. No matter what anyone else said he had less than no doubt Potter and Black had planned the event together. There was no way Potter was going to come and voluntarily save his life without some ulterior motive, no matter what Lily thought. Maybe there was a way to half-tell her. Perhaps he could say he had gone down the tunnel and heard Lupin but Potter had stopped him in time. He quickly dismissed the notion, convinced it would make him sound like a prying tattletale. The only other reason he could think of to get them away from the shack was to tell Lily that the place gave him the creeps, which would be pretty close to the truth.

Severus pulled his pocket watch out and looked down at the face. It was already six-forty. He stuffed the book back into his bag; maybe he could beat her there and persuade her to go somewhere else tonight. Sighing, he slung the bag over his shoulder, noticing Avery was watching him closely from his place down the table. Really the endless observation was getting tiring but he hoped that the constant scrutiny meant his invitation would be rescinded soon. He quickly glanced over towards the table on the other side of the room, just to be certain Lily hadn’t appeared while his attention was diverted.

She was nowhere in sight. Nor was Remus Lupin for that matter, but then the prefect hadn’t been at many meals since his injury. It appeared to Severus that the boy was becoming increasingly melancholy. No one else seemed to understand Lupin’s abrupt slid into dejection. The marauders were on a constant practical joke spree in the effort to turn him around. While Lily had come back from her visit to the hospital wing huffing about what an idiot Remus was and how she didn’t understand him. Severus suspected the change had to do with Sabrina and the piece of information that had been blurted out by Pettigrew in the corridor. Strangely, Severus found himself sympathizing with Lupin, it had to be worse than wretched to know the girl you fancied, fancied you back and yet there was nothing you could do about it. Even he was better off than that.

Severus felt there was little point dwelling on Lupin’s predicament, it wasn’t as if he could fix the other boy’s love life, he could barely handle his own. Though it did make him grateful for the fact that he would be able to spend some time alone with Lily, something he suspected Remus longed to do with Tattington. And if it he was lucky tonight would be the night he finally kissed Lily, though he couldn’t think of a less romantic spot than the Shrieking Shack for a first kiss. Maybe they could go for a walk afterward, it was nice and warm out, the ground was dry and the moon was…full.

Oh Merlin, the moon was full! Severus’ heart stopped. All he could do was stare at the pale yellow orb climbing the sky. He had never been so petrified in all his life, he tried to will his legs to move but they wouldn’t. Lily would be in the shack soon with a transformed Lupin, he could bite her or worse. A picture of him sobbing over Lily’s lifeless body flashed through Severus’ mind. He knew he should go for help, find a professor or the headmaster but by the time they got to the building it could be too late. He knew had no choice but to go himself and help her, together maybe they could stop Lupin before anything to bad happened.

Severus ripped the bag from his shoulder, tossed it to the ground and began to run. His feet pounded against the ground as a thousand thoughts flew through his head. There were few spells that could take down a full-fledged werewolf and leave the person alive and he couldn’t think of even one of them. For the first time in his life Severus’ head was completely empty, his brain turned to mush. The only spells he could remember were his own Sectumsempra, who knew how effective that would be, and Avada Kedavra, something he had never done before and didn’t really think he had in him.

The Whomping Willow was already in a severely agitated state when he arrived, Severus hoped that meant he wasn’t too far behind Lily. A constant prayer ran through his head, _please let me stop her before she gets in, please let me reach her._ Picking a stick up off the ground, he prodded at several of the knotholes, unable to remember which one stopped the thing. He was ready to scream in frustration when at long last the tree stilled.

From far off in the distance Severus heard the shout of a distinctly masculine voice. Who it was, he didn’t care, all he cared about was reaching Lily. The only thoughts in Severus’ head as he slid into the opening were that he wanted to reach the girl he loved and Heaven better help whichever one of those moronic imbeciles had opened their mouths and told Lily how to get into the shack, because he was going to kill them.

The tunnel was narrow and dark, it wasn’t as bad as it was in the nightmares that still plagued him from time to time, but it was bad enough, and he had to run cautiously to avoid tripping and falling. Far ahead of him, a blood-curdling scream ripped through the air, his fear increased, threatening to overwhelm him. For a split second, Severus debated trying to apparate into the building but had to assume any protections that were on the school were also on the shack. So he ran faster, barely slowing when he heard a shout resounding from the opening under the willow.

Whoever it was would either have to follow him and help or go back to the school. Another agonizing scream reached his ears, he thought this one sounded vaguely feminine. Oh God, Lily. Was he too late? He told himself as long as she was alive nothing else mattered, if she had been bitten and was a werewolf now then they would find a way to deal with that.

“Snape!…Snape, stop!”

Severus swung around so quickly his hair whipped him across the face. “Potter,” he hissed.

The boy pulled up in front of him, panting heavily. “You have to get out of here.”

“Not on your life.” Severus turned again, he didn’t have time to deal with whatever kind of game Potter was playing.

“Snape!” James reached out and grabbed his arm. “He’ll kill you.”

“As if you care.”

“I won’t let Remus become a murderer.”

“So you’ll stop me but leave Lily?”

Severus heard the other boy’s breath hitch. “What are you talking about?”

“Lily’s in there you ass! Now let me go!”

“No! Go back, get some help. I’ll handle Remus.”

“How?”

“I have my ways. Severus, go and if you see Sirius tell him to get his ass down here!”

Severus’ eyes narrowed. “You planned this didn’t you? Just like last time! If you think I’m going to let Lily die because of your stupidity you have another thing coming to you!”

“Snape! I didn’t plan this! Now go get, Dumbledore!” A tortured scream sounded above them. “There’s no time to argue! Go!” James shoved Severus forcibly down the tunnel.

As much as Severus didn’t want to let James go save Lily by himself, he knew the boy had to have a skill he himself did not possess. So, he ran back down the tunnel, hoping whatever trick Potter had up his sleeve he did it well, because if anything happened to Lily, Severus would never forgive that messy haired, cocky-ass, prat.

As he ran the length of the passage, fear was replaced by guilt, this was his fault. He should have spoken up in fourth year, should have told someone what had happened. But who was going to take the word of a Slytherin over that of a Gryffindor, especially those Gryffindors? He tried to cheer himself with the thought that after this they would all be expelled but what difference would that make if Lily was gone?

 None. It wouldn’t matter at all. If Lily was gone he wouldn’t care a fig if Potter and Black stayed at Hogwarts or not. He had to get to Dumbledore, somehow the headmaster would fix everything, he had to be the most powerful wizard alive if You-Know-Who was afraid of him.

Up ahead, moonlight was streaming through the opening at the base of the willow. He was completely out of breath, but knew his race was just beginning. Severus wondered if it was a good sign that not a peep had been heard from behind him since he and Potter had parted company. He wanted to believe it was because James had gotten up there in time and not because both he and Lily were now dea...  He couldn’t even think the word. Severus swore to himself that if James Potter saved Lily’s life he wouldn’t do a thing to him for the whole rest of the term, maybe longer.

Severus scrambled up out of the hole. There was an agonizing stitch in his side and a branch of the tree caught him squarely in the back as he emerged from the opening, momentarily knocking the wind out of him. On instinct, he covered his head, curled up in a ball and rolled. Who knew there would be perks to Tobias’ treatment? Once he was confident he was clear of the tree, Severus sprang to his feet. Out across the meadow he could see a figure sprinting towards him, Black.

At the sight of Severus, the other boy skidded to a halt. “Snape.”

“Potter told me to tell you to get your ass in there.”

Black started “Shit! Where are you going?”

“To get Dumbledore.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“Yeah, well I don’t care what you think. Go help Potter, because so help me, if Lily dies.” Severus didn’t have time to debate with this wanker

Black threw back his head and let out a bark like laugh. “Come off it, Snivellus, Evans is perfectly safe.”

Comprehension dawned swiftly then. “You son of a…you planned this all!” Severus balled his hand into a fist and let it fly, welcoming the sickening sound of flesh hitting bone.

He knew he shouldn’t be doing this, even if Black had somehow passed his survival secret onto Lily or told her where to hide, she could still be in terrible danger. How Black had managed to pass this information onto Lily and not give away Lupin’s secret and persuaded her to lure Severus to the shack he couldn’t figure. Unless Black had hexed her or passed her a potion to make Lily do what he wished.

Black’s fist hit the side of his head and Severus fell to the ground, pulling the Gryffindor down with him. The two were now rolling around on the ground, all thoughts of wands or magic forgotten, their fists landing wherever they could on the other person. Severus didn’t stop even when the sound of pounding footsteps reached him. He was going to kill Sirius Black and to hell with the consequences.

“Severus Snape, stop that this instant!”

His fist stopped in mid-air. Rolling over he saw the most furious, beautiful green eyes looking back at him. “Lily?”


	29. Fall Out

“What in the hell do you think you’re doing?” Lily yelled.

Severus had never been so happy to be screamed at in his life. He knew she was livid, it showed in every fibre of her being, but he was still thrilled. Tears were welling in his eyes. Lily was alive; she wasn’t even in the shack.

“Are you going to answer me or not?!”

Shaking his head, Severus leapt to his feet and pulled her into a bone-crushing hug. The only word that would come to his lips was her name. He tried desperately to hold back, to not show any weakness in front of their one person audience but it was a failure and the tears broke free and ran down his face, wetting Lily’s cheek as well as his own.

“Sev?” She sounded confused, worried and still the tiniest bit angry but her arms wrapped around him pulling him tight against her.

“Bollucks.” Severus heard Black mutter. He knew soon he would be back to being blind angry but at this moment all he could be was relieved and grateful.

Finally, Lily pushed him away. “I want to know what’s going on here.” Her eyes darted from him to Black.

Severus surreptitiously wiped the tears from his face.  “Ask him.” He waved a hand in the direction of Black.

“Sirius?”

“It was nothing Evans, just a disagreement.”

The blood was starting to boil in Severus’ veins again.

“Peter said something about you, James and Severus. Where is James?”

“Should have known Wormtail couldn’t keep a secret,” Sirius grumbled.

“James, Sirius!” snapped Lily.

“He’s down there.” Sirius pointed towards the entrance to the tunnel.

“Do you mean…? Sev, tell me you didn’t go down that tunnel again.” Lily didn’t even give him to time to answer before starting to yell again. “What are you thinking? Didn’t you learn anything back in forth year? Honestly Sev, what down there is so all-fired interesting that you have to keep trying to get to it?”

Sirius’ eyes widened. The fact that Severus had chosen to not tell Lily the full details of what had happened in fourth year unmistakably shocked him.

“Does James have to keep risking his life to save you?!” Lily continued.

That was it, Severus had had enough. “He didn’t risk anything! They set it up between them, Potter and his friends, just like they did in fourth year! Great joke huh? I get all the trouble and they get praised as heroes. Well you went too far this time, Black! I’ll have you expelled, you and your little friends!”

Severus began advancing towards Black again.

“You greasy, little, dark-arts obsessed, Death Eater want-to-be, you deserve everything you get!”

“Enough! I want an explanation. If they did this to you before then why did you go now, Severus?”

“I thought you were down there!”

“So?”

“That’s were Lupin goes to transform into a werewolf! I thought you would be killed! I was trying to help you, but excuse me for trying to be a decent friend.” He was sick of being yelled at for this, as if it were all his fault.

“Why did you think Lily was down there?” asked James as he emerged from between the tree roots.

“This.” Severus dug into his pocket for the note and passed it to Lily.

She scrutinized the parchment carefully. “I didn’t write this.”

“It’s your handwriting.”

“It’s close I admit, very close, but it’s not mine.”

“Then who would…?” puzzled James before his eyes fell on his friend and he shook his head sadly. “Padfoot you… just go to Moony, before he hurts himself.”

“Prongs.”

“Go. We’ll talk later.”

Sirius looked at his best friend sadly before picking up Severus’ discarded stick, poking a knothole and disappearing under the willow.

Lily started, “James are you insane? You can’t let Sirius go down there after Remus has transformed he’ll be torn limb from limb.”

“He’ll be fine Lily, trust me.”

Severus was incredulous. “You knew, about Lupin?”

“Yes, he told me earlier in the term.”

“Perfect.”

Lily looked back and forth between the two boys. Severus looked as angry as she had ever seen him and Potter exuded guilt. It was time she got to the bottom of this. Crossing to Severus she whispered “Sev, can you give me a few moments to talk to James in private?”

If her friend had looked angry before it was nothing to how he looked now, though underneath the fury she could see hurt and disappointment.

She took his hand in hers. “I want you to go wait for me in the prefect’s bathroom. As soon as I’m done with him I’ll come talk to you.” Severus’ eyes flashed and his mouth opened. “Please Sev, I’ll never get the truth from him if you’re here –  Please, Sev.”

He nodded brusquely and unable to resist Lily flung her arms around him, holding him tight. “Go on. I’ll see you in a little bit – promise.”

Severus pulled back a little and she knew he was hurt she was listening to James before him. She also knew Severus needed time to calm down, otherwise he would only get himself all worked up again telling her what had happened. “Take a bath while you’re in there and relax a little.”

“Lil.”

“Go on… and Sev, I love you, no matter what.”

“Me too.” Severus moved away slowly, perhaps hoping to overhear part of the discussion but Lily waited until she was sure he was out of earshot before turning to face her housemate.

 “I suggest you start explaining.”

James ruffled his hair, an act she generally found endearing but now it only served to annoy her further.

“Look, Lily can we talk about this later? I should really get down there and help Remus. Transformations are hard on him.”

Lily couldn’t think of a reply, how James was able to help Remus with his transformations? And she really wanted to get to the bottom of the situation so she shook her head and said, “I think it’s better if we talk now.”

“Sorry, James I know I’m late,” squeaked Peter as he ran up. “Saw Snape going by and he looked to be in a right strop. Hi, Lily, what are you doing here?”

“Wormtail, I can’t explain right now, just get down there. I’ll catch up as soon as I can…And use the stick Pete.” James added as the plump boy headed towards the willow.

Peter looked at him puzzlingly but did as he was told.

“I think you’d better start by explaining that,” stated Lily pointing to the tree roots.

James sighed deeply. “Let’s go over here and talk.” He waved to a spot a short way away. After they were both seated he gave another sigh and started. “I suppose the best place to begin is the beginning.”

Lily nodded, watching him carefully for any signs that he was about to lie to her.

“Sirius and I started to suspect what Remus is in second year. So we did some research, and a little bit of digging. As soon as were certain we confronted him. Poor Remus, he looked so terrified, as if he expected us to not be his friends any longer. But we didn’t care, I mean Remus is still Remus no matter what, right?”

“That’s a very mature way to think. I’m sure he appreciated the three of you standing by him.”

“It was the right thing to do. And it honestly never crossed my mind that we would do anything other than keep being his friend. Of course the three of us were all kinds of curious. We must have driven Moony crazy with all the questions we asked.” James laughed a little before continuing, “Some of them were so stupid. For the most part Remus was pretty good about answering them, but he would never tell us what transformations were like. I thought as first it was because he didn’t remember but the truth was he didn’t want us to know how painful and horrible it is. I suppose he was afraid we would pity him and maybe we did a little bit. It’s a hard thing to know one of your best friends is in that much pain and there’s nothing you can do about it. We all wanted to find a way to make things easier for him. It took a while but eventually Sirius came up with a plan and, well, it seemed like a good idea to Peter and I, so we went along with it.”

“What was the plan?” she asked, fascinated.

James stood up, his face heavy with concentration. Lily blinked in surprise when she saw a fully-grown stag in front of her, a second later James had returned to his human form.

“I don’t understand,” Lily whispered.

“We’re animagi. All three of us.”

“How does that help Rem?”

“Werewolves won’t attack animals, only people. So in our altered forms we can keep him company, make things easier for him. He still won’t let us be there to watch him transform, he says none of us should see that, but we’re working on persuading him. Remus says he doesn’t feel as wolfish when we’re around; he feels more like he’s himself, able to control things better. It’s not much but it’s something isn’t it?”

“It’s the act of a true friend.”

James plopped back down next to her. “Like I said, it was the right thing to do. I don’t want Remus to suffer if I can help it and this way he gets to live as normal a life as possible and not be shoved to the fringes of society.”

“So then I guess that brings us to what happened in fourth year.”

James looked at Lily intently, as if trying to decide what exactly to say. After a moment he seemed to make a decision, heaved a deep breath and spoke. “Look, Lily, it’s no secret that I’ve never liked Snape.”

“You never gave him a chance. The moment the word Slytherin came out of his mouth you wrote him off as a lost cause.”

“I suppose that’s true. And maybe I shouldn’t have done it but there is no denying he’s up to his ears in dark magic.”

Lily opened her mouth to protest but James cut her off. “Come on, Lily, even you can’t deny he knows more hexes and curses than anyone else in our year.

“He probably does, but just because he knows them doesn’t mean he uses them, because if that were the case Sev could have cast an unforgivable years ago and he never has.”

James looked sceptical. Lily could only sigh, trying to get Severus and James to admit they were wrong about one another was a monumental task and one that could definitely not be accomplished in one night. “So, how does this get us to whatever happened in fourth year?”

“Well, you know what Snape’s like, constantly snooping, trying to get us all into trouble.”

“Maybe he wouldn’t do that if you were nicer to him.”

James looked ready to protest but seemingly changed his mind. “Anyway, by the end of fourth year we were all sick of it. At least Sirius and I were, so we cooked up this plan between the two of us. We thought if we could frighten Snape a little bit then he would leave us alone.”

“What did you do?”

“Sirius ‘accidentally’ told Snape how to get in the tunnel. Just as we suspected on the first full moon after that Snape came down and climbed in the tunnel. I was waiting nearby so I could go get him once he’d gotten a little bit of a fright.”

The rage she felt must have been evident on her face because James quickly continued. “I promise, he was perfectly safe. I knew when to stop him and Sirius and Peter were in the shack with Remus the whole time, just in case.”

“James Potter! You – wanker! Did you stop to think for one minute about what you were doing? Sev could have been bitten or killed! He could have killed Remus! Did it ever occur to you that you would have made one of the two of them into a murderer? You could have destroyed both their lives. For a prank!”

“I know. I’m not proud of what I did. I have no real justification for my actions, it was an incredibly stupid and juvenile thing to do. I admit that. At the time we honestly thought we were doing the right thing and I suppose in some way I felt we were actually helping Snape.”

“How is that?”

“Well, our way, we were in complete control of the situation but if he chanced upon Moony when we weren’t then he could be turned or killed and if things worked out the way we wanted maybe he’d leave us be.”

“That is the most self-serving thing I have ever heard and you accuse Sev of being immoral! How is what you did any better than the worst thing he has ever done to you?”

“It’s not. I don’t pretend what I did was right or just. It was incredibly wrong and I’m admitting that.”

“And while you’re running around telling everyone how wicked Sev is, how depraved and evil, he never once said a word about it, not even to me. He could have had you all expelled.”

“I know that too and I truthfully thought he’d run right to Dumbledore. It was a surprise to the three of us when he didn’t. And I took it for granted he had told you.”

“No, he never explained to me what really happened that night. And what do you mean by the three of you?”

“Sirius, Peter and I.”

“So, Remus thought Sev would say… Wait a minute, Remus didn’t know Sev knew he was a werewolf, he said as much to me on the Express.”

“We – we never told him what we did.”

“So on top of everything else you used Rem.”

“I suppose.” James looked extremely guilty. “As I said, what I did was wrong and I feel bad about it. I swear to you I would never, ever do such a thing again.”

“Then what about tonight?”

“I don’t know what happened tonight. I was running late, or at least I thought so because I couldn’t find Sirius or Peter, turns out I was actually a little early. Which is a good thing because when I left the castle I saw Snape running up ahead of me. I admit I didn’t think much of it until I saw him poking at the willow with a stick. I knew he was going to the Shack. I didn’t know why, but I did know I had to stop him. I yelled, Lily, believe me, I yelled at him to stop and when he didn’t I ran here as fast as I could. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out why he was going down the tunnel. I never thought he would again. Besides he and Remus seem – almost friendly this year.”

James sounded perplexed by the whole thought. Lily fought back a smile, nodding at James, who continued, “at least Remus has been after us all year to leave Snape alone and while Snape was ready with the snarky remarks for the rest of us he wasn’t directing any of them at Remus. So the fact that he was going made no sense to me. Once I reached him, he told me you were in the Shack. I could hear Remus transforming and knew if you were in there you would be bitten if not worse so I told Snape to get the headmaster and went to help you. Except when I got to the Shack there was no one there but Remus, not you or Sirius or Peter. I knew then that something wasn’t right so I came back, even though I hate leaving Remus alone and you know what happened after that.”

“Do you think Sirius wrote the note?”

“No, He couldn’t copy your handwriting in an age but – ”

“Go on.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he had someone else write it.”

“Why would he do such a thing?”

“Lily, Sirius – well…” James gave a huff of breath “You know how he is about his family.”

Lily nodded.

“He thinks Snape’s like them and I have to admit I tend to agree with him.”

“James, once and for all, Severus is not what he appears to be.”

A scoff escaped the boy before he could stop it.

“I’m not going to tell you Sev’s secrets, it’s not my place, but please believe me when I tell you, about ninety percent of what you see is an act. Trust me, the real Sev is so different, the one buried beneath all the prickles and stings, if he weren’t, I wouldn’t be friends with him.”

James looked incredibly doubtful. “Maybe, but that’s not what comes across. To us it looks like he’s only biding his time until he can become a Death Eater and none of us wants you caught up in that. In his own way Sirius is trying to protect you, because he thinks of you as a friend. And Sirius may have many faults but he’s intensely loyal to the people he cares about.”

Lily was half tempted to say that very trait was one of the things Severus and Sirius had in common but didn’t think it would go down so well at the moment.

“That maybe the case, but what did he think would happen tonight? Clearly the plan was not for one of you to pull Sev out so that can only mean Sirius intended for Severus to be killed.”

“I don’t know what his plan was and I won’t until I talk to him. I have to believe Sirius didn’t mean for things to happen as they did.”

“I hope you’re right because Severus is furious and I don’t know what he’ll do.”

“Lily, I know, in light of what I’ve told you tonight, I have no right to ask you this, but can you maybe try to keep him from saying anything until I’ve had a chance to sort this all out with Sirius?”

Lily thought about the boys in this group. She had little sympathy for Sirius considering everything that had happened but James was showing genuine remorse. As for Peter, well everyone knew he was just the tag along, whatever the other boys said to do, he did. Then there was Remus, he was obviously completely blameless and it wasn’t right that he be punished because of what the others had done. For his sake Lily would try to impress on Severus how important it was to say nothing right now.

“I can’t make any promises but I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thanks, we all owe you one. I should go, Sirius has a time managing Remus by himself, it’s easier if I’m there.” James stood up, brushing the dirt off the backside of his robes. “As soon as I know what happened I’ll come tell you.”

Lily nodded in agreement, pushed herself up and turned to go. She hadn’t gone more than a step or two when she heard James call out after her. “Lily, I really am sorry.”

Turning, she smiled at him sadly. “It’s not me you need to apologize to.”

“Then will you tell Snape…”

“I think it would be better coming from you.”

James swallowed hard, before picking up the stick and prodding a knothole. Lily didn’t know if that meant James intended to talk to Severus or not but she had her own issues with Severus to deal with so couldn’t dwell on that too long. With determined steps Lily made her way into the castle and up to the prefect’s bathroom. Before whispering the password she took a deep breath in, hopefully Severus had managed to calm down a little.

Entering the bathroom, she saw he was sitting in the far corner of the room, book open on his knees. A wet towel on the floor showed he had taken her advice and gotten in the tub, but she wasn’t sure how much it had calmed him since he didn’t even look up as she crossed the room.

“Did you have a nice bath?” she asked dropping down next to him.

“Hmmm.” His eyes weren’t moving down the page so she knew he wasn’t really reading.

“Are you going to talk to me or just sulk?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Whatever you want.”

“Then I guess we have nothing to talk about.”

Impatiently Lily snatched the book from his hand and threw it across the room. His eyes shot up to meet hers, snapping with anger.

“Enough! I know you’re upset so let’s have it out.”

“Why, so you can defend them? Tell me I’m overreacting and should be grateful someone came to get me? Tell me again what a hero Potter is, Lily.”

“So it’s me you’re angry with?”

“Why, Lil, why do you always have to listen to them before me? Do I ever get to be first? Do you know how much it hurts? Because it does, Lily, every single time you pick them over me, it hurts.”

“Oh Sev, I wasn’t picking James over you. I just knew he had the bigger picture and I wanted to hear it before I talked to you. So I would know the truth.”

“Yes and I’m sure that’s what he told you.”

“Actually, I think he did.”

Much like James only minutes earlier Severus let out a scoff at the idea that his worst enemy would ever be anything but deceitful when it came to him. Lily reached out and took his hand, Severus’ fingers didn’t curl around hers as usual, they lay there, flat and tense.

“He told me they did plan what happened to you in forth year.”

“I told you! See, you would never believe me about them and I was right!”

Lily could tell Severus was gearing up for a good rant and if she let him carry on the whole conversation would quickly degenerate so she cut him off. “You were right, I admit that. I just didn’t want to believe anyone could do something that – callous I suppose is the word I want. I’m sorry I ever doubted you, Sev and I owe you an apology for that. I also owe you a thank you. It was an amazingly brave thing you were going to do.”

Severus looked at her incredulously “Did you really think I would leave you to die or get bitten or who knows what other horrid thing?”

“No, but the fact you would come without telling anyone, without asking for help, reminds me why you’re my best friend. It also tells me the kind of person you are. So thank you, ever so much.” Dropping his hand she took him in her arms and held on tightly.

This time he hugged her back. “Lily, I would do anything to protect you, anything.”

“I know, but…” Lily pulled back and smiled at him “perhaps next time you should considering going for a professor instead of thinking you can take a fully grown werewolf on by yourself.”

“Wasn’t time.”

Lily laughed. “Sometimes I think you’re a little foolhardy.”

“Maybe. So you believe me now, about them?”

“About fourth year? Yes…Sev, why didn’t you tell me, that day in the courtyard why not just tell me the truth then?”

“I honestly don’t know. I suppose on some level I thought you wouldn’t believe me.”

“Sev!” She was shocked, had he thought her that bad of a friend?

“It’s true, Lil, every time I tried to tell you they were up to something you would brush it off or defend them. I was so frustrated. Anything my housemates did was evil and everything your housemates did was a prank, even though nobody in my house ever tried to have anyone killed. But you would never see that.”

“You didn’t tell me the truth.”

“Would you have believed me, honestly?”

“Honestly, probably not.” He looked crestfallen and Lily grabbed his hand once again. “But I wouldn’t have believed it of anyone, not even Avery or Mulciber. I guess my mind just doesn’t work that way.”

“I know, and it’s one of the things I like about you, that you see the good in people. But it’s hard to know your best friend constantly picks other people over you. You don’t know how hard that is.”

“Yes, I do, because I thought that’s what you were doing, picking them over me.”

“I would never do that.”

“Well, I know that now, don’t I? Sev, I promise, I’m not putting my housemates before you. If I ever did, or if you thought that then I’m sorry because that was not my intension… I also want you to know James told me you were never in any real danger that night. They apparently had it planned very well so there was no possibility of you being hurt in anyway. He said they just wanted to give you a fright so you would leave them alone.”

“Sure.”

“I know it’s hard to believe and I understand completely if you’re upset. Frankly, you have every right to be but I thought you should know that bit.”

“And what about tonight?”

“I have no answers for that. As near as James can figure Sirius did it on his own.”

“And you believe him?”

“Yes, I do. He’s sorry. He even wanted me to apologize to you.”

Severus looked doubtful. “Is that what you’re doing?”

“No, I told him he had to do it himself, he owes you that much at least.”

“I’m not sure I can forgive them.”

“That’s your choice to make.” Lily took a deep breath. “James also told me they never told Remus about what happened in forth year.”

“Now that I don’t believe.”

“I do. No wait.” She held up a hand to stop him from speaking. “On the train ride back after Christmas holidays Remus was genuinely shocked you suspected he was a werewolf. He had no reason to lie to me Sev, not when he was in the midst of telling me his secret.”

“I suppose.”

“It is impressive you’ve said nothing all this time. I can see now why you didn’t tell me in fourth year but why not this summer or earlier in the term?”

Severus sighed. “Because it’s none of my business at this point, as long as they’re not doing anything stupid to hurt me or my friends. Also, I thought you would think I was being petty or vindictive. I am trying to change, Lily, to not be like that anymore and keeping this particular secret was part of it I guess. Plus, I kind of…”

She nudged him with her shoulder. “Yes?”

“I feel sorry for Lupin, unbelievable as it might seem. I know what it’s like to not have any friends, to be the odd one and I’m not so unkind as to inflict that on someone else.”

“Do you think, in light of that fact, you can keep quiet about what happened tonight for a while?”

“No. They went too far this time. Maybe they did have a plan in fourth year. I believe that completely, but you can’t tell me Black had any other intention in mind besides getting me killed tonight. I can’t let that pass.”

“I know. I want to believe Sirius didn’t intend for anything bad to happen to you but I admit it doesn’t look good. So, I’m not sure what to do about him, but Remus shouldn’t have to be punished for something he had no part in, no control over. If you start telling people he’ll be forced to leave school, then he’ll never have a decent life. Please, he’s done so much for us this year, given us the plan and been friendly to you. He’s constantly telling the rest of them to leave you alone. Please, Sev, for me.”

“So, Black and Potter and Pettigrew get away with it?”

“No, let’s find out all of the information before we start telling, then once we have the full story I’ll go to Dumbledore with you myself.”

Severus’ eyes grew wide with shock. “Really?”

“Yes, I just want to be sure the right people are punished.”

“That – sounds fair. All right, I won’t say anything, for now, but I’m not keeping quiet about this forever.”

“Just give me a few days.”

“I can do that.”

“You’re the best, Sev. Come on, we need to go or you’ll get caught out after curfew and I wouldn’t want you to get detention on top of everything else.”

Severus stood up and held out a hand to her “Lil, I’m sorry I broke the pact.”

“I guess we both did, but I’ll forgive you if you’ll forgive me,” she stated, grabbing his hand and pulling herself up.

“There’s nothing to forgive.”

“Good.” She smiled at him and walked across the room, scooping his book up off the floor. “Here.”

“Thanks.”

“Did you like your bath?”

“Yeah, that’s one hell of a tub, practically a pool.”

Lily laughed as they passed through the doorway. “Feel free to use it whenever you want. Just don’t tell anyone.”

“Not a peep. Night, Lil.”

“Night, Sev, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Lily entered the Great Hall the next morning feeling a little trepidatious, she had no idea what to expect from this day.  She had not seen a single one of the marauders this morning, not that she had expected to see Remus, usually he spent the day after the full moon in the hospital wing recovering. After scanning the Slytherin table for Severus, he wasn’t there; she sat down next to Alice and picked at a plate of bacon and eggs.

“Lily, is something wrong?”

“No, nothing.”

“Are you sure? You’ve been really quiet since last night. You’re not part of the whole Sirius, James thing are you?”

Lily’s eyes met Alice’s blue ones. “What Sirius, James thing?”

“You didn’t know?”

Lily shook her head.

“They had a terrific row this morning. I could hear them shouting at one another…” Alice stopped her story abruptly.

Lily was about to ask her to continue when she heard James. She only had to glance at him to see he looked exhausted, completely beaten down and defeated. “Lily, can I speak to you in private?”

“Of course.”

Lily rose from the table and followed James out of the Hall and up several flights of stairs to a deserted corridor.

“I talked to Sirius this morning.”

“And?”

“I can’t say I have all the details totally clear, but it seems he meant for me to find Snape and stop him. Sirius just didn’t let me in on the plan. But Snape was early and so things didn’t work out the way Sirius wanted them to.”

“Why would he do that? Severus was leaving you alone wasn’t he?”

“Yes. I don’t fully understand why he did it. But…” A blush was starting to creep up James’ face. “I think the general idea was to get Snape away from you.”

“Where is he?”

“Lily, I know Snape’s your best friend and most likely you’re more than a little upset right now.”

Lily couldn’t hold back her sneer. “You think?”

“But, I told you, Sirius thinks Snape’s only a moment or two away from joining You-Know-Who’s ranks and he doesn’t want to see you hurt. It was stupid and – well, it was just stupid and I’ve told him so.”

“You’re not the only one he’s going to hear it from. Where is he? The common room, the dorm?”

“He’s telling Remus what he did.”

Lily’s hand flew to her mouth. “Really?”

“Yeah. So I can’t stay too long. I just wanted to let you know… Listen Lily, is Snape going to tell?”

Lily sighed. “He agreed not to say anything until we found out what happened but then…”

“So he is.”

“Yes, he’ll go to Dumbledore and I can’t fault him for that.”                                                           

“I understand. I just don’t want my best friend to be expelled for one act of stupidity.”

“I can try talking to Sev but he’s livid about the situation and I don’t think he can be dissuaded.”

James nodded. “Thank you for trying, Lily I know I appreciate it and I’m positive Sirius will too.”

He walked away slowly and had almost reached the corner before Lily yelled out after him. “James!”

He pivoted quickly “Yes?”

“I know I said this last night, but it really would help if you apologized to Severus, both of you.”

James said nothing, merely looked at her for a long moment before nodding his ascent and walking away.

Once again Lily was left to wonder if James intended to apologize or not. And even if he did, she didn’t think Severus would accept or forgive. Like James, Lily didn’t want Sirius to have to leave school, he was a loose cannon at times and his friends seemed to be the only thing that held him back, so what he would be without them she didn’t know. She trudged back to the Great Hall, somehow, and she didn’t have the slightest idea how she would pull it off, she was going to have to convince Severus to say nothing about the whole incident.

She half-hoped he wouldn’t be in the Great Hall when she got back, but there he was, sitting in the seat closest to the door. Her heart plummeted; this was going to be difficult. Her feet felt weighted down by a ton of lead, there was no way he would agree to this, but she had to at least try.

Having reached him, Lily spent several fluttering heartbeats staring at the long black hair that was obscuring his face. He must have sensed someone watching him because eventually he slowly raised his head. The eyes that had been wary promptly filled with happiness and then just as swiftly turned worried.

“Lil?”

“Se…” her voice was caught in her throat, she cleared it as he slowly shut the book in front of him. “Sev, I need to talk to you. Alone, please.”

Severus had risen from the table and thrust the book under his arm before she had even finished. Mutely they headed outside, towards the forest. The minutes ticked by slowly but she could still come up with nothing to say.

“Lil, just tell me,” he finally requested.

She took a deep breath before rapidly telling him what James had relayed to her. When Lily paused to take a breath, Severus apparently took this as the end of her tale and whipped furiously around, headed back towards the castle.

“Sev, wait!”

He paused, clearly thinking she was going to uphold her end of the bargain and go with him to speak to the headmaster.

“What are you going to tell Dumbledore?”

“The truth.”

“Okay. And what are you going to say you want done to Sirius?”

“I want him out.” Lily opened her mouth to speak but he cut her off before she got so much as a syllable out. “Don’t worry, I’ll tell Dumbledore I know Lupin had nothing to do with it. I promise you the only people I’ll ask to have punished are Black and whoever wrote the note. Is that fair to you?”

It was remarkably fair of him and in all honesty a little more even-handed than she had expected. How could she possibly ask him to not ask for the punishment he suggested when she was so proud of the growth it showed? “Sev, it’s just, could you maybe ask that Sirius not be expelled?”

A thousand emotions swirled in the jet black eyes, but all she could see was the hurt.

“I know you don’t want to and I feel wretched asking…”

“Then why are you?”

Oh Merlin, she had never heard him sound this angry. “I – I don’t – because everyone deserves a second chance.”

“And he’s had his!”

“I know.”

“God! I knew you would defend them!”

“Please don’t shout Severus.”

“Don’t shout! Don’t – I’m done – I am not having this debate with you! I’m going to Dumbledore and telling him what happened, all of it, every single thing they’ve ever done and I’m asking for them _all_ to be expelled.”

“Now you’re just being petty.”

“You bet I am! I’ve put up with it for years! Years they’ve picked on me and I’ve never said anything to anyone, for you! You, Lily! So you wouldn’t be angry with me! Now you want me to… He wanted me dead! Would you have cared, Lil, would it have mattered to you at all? Or would you have just said it was an accident and forgiven them?!”

“Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare doubt my feelings for you – you, Prat! If I didn’t love you then I wouldn’t be standing here! You’re lucky I’m so forgiving! Or are you the only one who gets to benefit from that personality trait?

“I would have been devastated if you had died! Do you hear me? Absolutely destroyed, because the last thing I ever want to do is go to my best friend’s funeral! I would have never gotten over it, Sev – never, but I hope I would be able to find forgiveness in my heart. Otherwise it would turn me into someone else, someone you would be ashamed of.” Her voice caught she was so upset.

Severus looked distraught. “Lily, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have…”

“Lily, Severus.”

Lily was startled to see she and Severus had been so caught up in their row Remus had caught them unawares. The first thing to strike her was how horrid, old and worn out Remus looked.

“Clearly the two of you are in the middle of something but I’d like to be able to speak to you for a moment. If I may?”

Remus was looking directly at Severus so Lily nodded and said, “of course, I’ll go.”

“No, stay, you need to be here for this.” Remus stood for a moment before asking, “would either of you mind if we sat? I think hunting for you wore me out.”

“Remus you should be in the hospital wing. You can talk to us later.”

“No, I need to do this now. I’ll be fine if I can just sit.”

Severus didn’t say a word, he merely dropped to the ground. Remus lowered himself down gingerly, waving Lily away when she made a move to help him. He waited until she was seated before he began, though he addressed all his remarks to the dark haired boy opposite him.

“Sirius came to me this morning and told me what happened last night and in fourth year. I want you to know I was in no way involved in either incident and if I had been asked I would have never, ever agreed. My worst fear is turning someone else into the monstrosity I am.

“I never, in my darkest nightmares, imagined that someone I’ve considered a friend would use my curse against someone else. I do not condone what happened, no matter what imbecilic reason those three came up with. Even if you were a full-fledged Death Eater, Severus you wouldn’t deserve this. I know you’re angry, you have every right in the world to be and that’s why I’m apologizing to you for my part in what happened.”

Severus eyed the prefect closely for a moment. “You have no need to apologize, Remus. You say you didn’t know what was happening and I believe you…”

“Severus, I’m apologizing for all of it, for the way that we’ve treated you from the very beginning. It was wrong of us and I’m sorry.”

“I – I’m not very good at forgiving people, but if you mean it, then I accept your apology.”

Lily beamed at Severus and if it wasn’t for the distance separating them, she would have hugged him like crazy on the spot.

“I mean it,” Remus affirmed. “So, that leaves us the question of what to do about Sirius.”

“I’m going to Dumbledore. It’s too late to do anything about fourth year and I will keep quiet about that but I can’t let last night pass without any consequences.”

Lily’s smile faded. They were right back to where they had started.

“I’m not suggesting you do. But – I told you last Hogsmeade trip, that I hold my friends sacred and don’t betray anything they tell me in confidence.”

Severus nodded his remembrance

“I’m going to break that rule this one time. The truth is, Sirius’ parents threw him out of the house over Christmas holidays. If he gets expelled, he has nowhere to go.”

“I thought he ran away,” Lily chimed

“That’s what he’s telling people but it’s not the truth.”

“What about this summer?” questioned Lily, for once concerned about Sirius Black’s wellbeing.

“The Potters are taking him, but I’m not certain they would agree to that in a long term way. I’m not saying what Sirius did was justifiable or right in any way shape or form but leaving him homeless seems to be an overly harsh punishment.”

“What do you suggest then?” Severus asked, clearly on the defensive.

“I’ve talked with him about it and he’s agreed to abide by whatever punishment the three of us deem fair.”

“The three of us?” Lily asked, puzzled.

“He did forge your handwriting to get Severus into the tunnel so you’re a legitimate party in this.”

“What do you suggest, Rem?”

“I’ve already told him he’s got detention for the rest of term. I’ll turn him in tomorrow for being out of bounds after curfew and I suppose I’ll throw a little something extra in there for added measure.”

“That takes him out of the last quidditch match of the season,” Lily pointed out.

“Yes, it does.”

“Doesn’t that punish the whole team?”

“James has a backup for most positions so he’ll muddle through. So, what evens things out in your minds?”

“I already told James I want both him and Sirius to apologize to Sev.”

Remus sighed, “Sirius is willing to apologize to you but not to Severus.”

“Then detention all next term as well. I’ll take care of that in the fall though so you don’t have to be part of it.”

“And if he changes his mind and apologizes?” Remus asked.

“Then he’ll show he’s growing up but he’s still spending next term in the castle.”

“Fair enough. Severus, what about you?”

Both sets of eyes turned towards him. Severus couldn’t believe he was sitting here deciding Sirius Black’s future. He knew he could be vengeful and insist on going to Dumbledore anyway but he thought of all the nights he had spent in the Spot, foraging in rubbish bins for food, washing in the dirty river. And Lily was looking at him so beseechingly. He couldn’t forgive Black or Potter but he could attempt to rise above his anger.

“No Hogsmeade next year, at all.”

“Okay, anything else?”

“I think that on top of everything else is sufficient. But if he does anything else like this, then the deal is off and I go straight to the headmaster.”

“Agreed.”

“Rem, are _you_ going to forgive Sirius?”

“I don’t know, Lily. I don’t know if I can ever really trust him again. I hope I’m wrong and we can find a way to get past it and keep being friends but for now...” Remus shrugged his shoulders.

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Lily.”  Remus looked at the ground for a moment before raising his eyes to meet Severus’. “I would like it if we could make peace, Severus. If you don’t want to be friends that’s fine but I’m sick of being your enemy.”

Lily’s eyes darted to Severus. He was ripping little patches of grass up and shredding them. This one act let her know he was seriously considering Remus’ offer.

“Alright,” he said slowly.

Remus smiled fully for the first time since he had joined them. “We’re agreed then, Pax?”

“Pax.” Severus agreed taking the proffered hand in his.

Lily gave an excited squeal and hugged them both.

 


	30. The Date

The impact of what became known to its participants as the tunnel incident was felt immediately, though it had only involved six people. Sirius had vehemently refused to tell anyone who had written the note for him so that person couldn’t be disciplined in any way. Lily had a sneaking suspicion who it was but as she had no proof she kept her suspicions to herself. Astonishingly Sirius had accepted his punishment with a minimal amount of fuss.

Lily had stood by Remus’ side as he laid out to the boy the punishment the three friends had devised. James had been slightly miffed by the fact that his quidditch team was now in disarray but had admitted to Lily that he felt Severus had been remarkably generous and was thankful his best friend would be allowed to finish his education.

It was Remus, Lily was most worried about now. The Marauders had obviously been torn asunder in the wake of what had happened. While Remus seemed willing enough to talk to James and Peter, to the best of Lily’s knowledge he had not said one word to Sirius since returning to the Gryffindor common room on Saturday morning. She had seen Sirius pleading with Remus out by the greenhouses Monday afternoon, tears streaming down Black’s increasingly pale face. She had been too far away to hear what Remus’ reply had been to Sirius’ obvious attempt to apologize. But it clearly wasn’t what the reckless Gryffindor had wanted to hear judging from the look of utter despair on his face. After the rebuke, Sirius had begun avoiding Remus, whether from shame or distress Lily couldn’t be certain.

The rest of the house seemed to pick up on the negative energy pouring from the sixth year dorm because the common room was eerily quiet these days. The only person to seem even the tiniest bit happy was Sabrina, with who Remus spent the majority of his time over the next few days, the remainder was passed with Lily and Severus.

Lily was inordinately proud of how well Severus was behaving. Perhaps he remembered how hard it had been on both of them at the end of the previous year when they had each thought their friendship was over, or maybe it was just the kindness she knew he kept carefully hidden away. Whatever the case, every time Remus showed up, Severus welcomed him graciously. Both, it appeared, had taken their promise of peace to heart and Lily had even heard Remus tell James he was no longer taking part in any pranks aimed at the Slytherin. That had earned her fellow prefect a hug and Lily’s eternal devotion.

Whether things would ever be normal again she couldn’t say. It did break her heart to see the tight knit Marauders torn apart. On no one was the strain more apparent than James. Lily knew he was trying his utmost to forge peace between Sirius and Remus, constantly trying to at least get the two to sit in one another’s vicinity.

By the start of Potions on Wednesday, the tension was so thick you could have cut it with a knife. Lily vaguely wondered what was going to happen that day. Ever since Peter had left the class, Remus had teamed up with James and Sirius, how that would work out when two of the group weren’t speaking to each other she couldn’t begin to guess. Lily certainly didn’t envy James his position and in the effort to make things easier for all of them, she was headed to class early so that she could ask Severus if Remus could join them at their table.

She didn’t think he would have a problem with it now that the two boys were getting on so well. But then again, Severus was very particular about his brewing and she knew not many people measured up. There had even been a few occasions where she had been certain had she not been his best friend he would have happily found himself a new partner or even worked alone.

As she suspected, Severus was sitting at their usual table reading when she entered the room. She hurriedly crossed the room, dumped her bag on the table and pulled out her chair. Half way through the task of pulling out her book she paused. Severus’ right arm was resting on the table, the sleeve of his robe pulled up just far enough for her to see a glimpse of a dark black mark on his arm.

“Sev, what’s that?”

Not bothering to look up from the piece of parchment in front of him, he returned, “what?”

“That, on your arm?”

He glanced over and swiftly pulled the sleeve down. “Nothing.”

She knew that was the only answer she would get unless she forced the issue. So, she reached out and pushed the sleeve up before he could get out even a word of protest, not that she would have heard him over her gasp. Severus’ entire forearm was black and blue, much the way his back had been at Christmas.

“How did this happen?”

“It’s nothing, Lily. My trunk lid fell on it last night,” he declared as he pushed the sleeve back down.

“Why didn’t you go to Madame Pomfrey?”

“For a little bruise? It’d hardly be worth the effort to walk up there. It doesn’t even hurt.”

“But what if it’s broken?”

“I’d know if my arm was broken, believe me.” He quickly made a fist. “See, I can still move the fingers, if it were broken I wouldn’t be able to.”

“How do you know that?”

“I’ve broken my arm before.”

“When?”

“Just before we met and then again three – no four summers ago.” He was very determinedly not looking at her. “My mum fixed them easily, she’s good at healing spells.”

“Who did it?”

“What does it matter, it was ages ago?”

“I meant the bruise, I know who broke your arm.”

“Lil, can we not…”

“Was it Avery?” The very fact that he didn’t respond let her know she had guessed correctly. “Did you tell Slughorn?”

“I…You know things are difficult there, my telling will only make it worse.”

“Please say this is almost over.”

He reached out and squeezed her hand. “Soon, I think.”

“Thank Merlin, I worry about you, you know.”

“Don’t. Besides, I think this is the worst it’s going to be.”

It seemed silly to bring up her request in light of the exchange they had just had but maybe it would take her mind off of his injury, and the fact she was seriously tempted to go turn Avery in herself. Instead, she resolved to scrutinize the Slytherin’s every move until she could throw him in detention for some infraction. That would teach him to muck with her best friend.

“So – things are a little tense between Remus and Sirius right now.”

His head rose slowly and his eyes were sparkling when they met hers. “Bit of an understatement don’t you think?”

“Would you care if Remus sat with us for the rest of term?”

“Hmm, don’t think I can agree to that.”

Lily was thrown, though she tried not to show it.

“Sabrina might hex us both into oblivion since she’s spent the last several days persuading Remus to partner her.”

“How do you know that?”

“I have my ways.” He smirked.

“Sev.”

“I might have mentioned, in passing, now Pettigrew’s gone there’s an even number of us so there was less than no reason she and Lupin should be third wheels in their respective groups.”

“Oh, you sneak.” She could see him fighting hard not to laugh. Just the right word from her and he would let out one of those rich, deep chested laughs she adored so much.

“Snape.” James’ voice pulled her away from the action she was strongly contemplating.

Lily watched the mirth instantly drain away from Severus. “Potter.”

“I wanted to thank you for not turning Sirius in the other day. I appreciate it.”

“I didn’t do it for you.”

“I know, but I’m grateful all the same.”

Severus nodded sharply and turned his attention back to his earlier task.

“And I’m…that is…” James fidgeted with the strap of his satchel before muttering, “oh, sod it,” under his breath and starting to walk away. Suddenly, he paused, his back still to the table he had just left. “I’m sorry,” he blurted out.

Severus froze but made no reply and after a second James proceeded to his spot, slumping down in his chair and staring fixedly at the board in front of him. Severus was mindlessly curling the edge of his parchment up on its self. Lily was hopeful he would acknowledge the apology in some way but the more time that passed the less likely it seemed. The awkwardness had grown considerably by the time the next student arrived.

Sabrina looked at the three of them curiously as she took her seat at the back table, sending a questioning look in Lily’s direction. Remus appeared only moments later and his entrance allowed James to break his seeming fascination with the black board. It took only seconds for his eyes to find Lily’s. She gave him a small smile and mouthed a thank you at him. The smile that appeared on his face was glorious. Next to her, Severus growled in frustration.

A clearing throat drug Lily’s gaze backward to Remus, who shook his head and quirked it towards the door.

“I have to use the ladies,” she whispered to her companion.

“Fine.”

Trying to appear casual Lily followed Remus out the door, down the hall and into an empty classroom. Remus shut the door behind them after lighting two of the fixtures on the wall. Glancing around, Lily saw several dusty tables pushed against the wall and seated herself on one of them, waiting to hear what he would say.

“Lily, I know this is an odd time but…well, I think this has gone on long enough.”

“What has?”

“Your – indecisiveness.”

“Remus.”

“Look, Lily, you’ve been dithering for months now, it’s time to pick. Otherwise you’re just leading them both on.”

“I’m not! I honestly can’t decide.”

“Is that true, or do you just like having them both at your beck and call?”

“That’s not fair, Remus! This is hard.”

“I understand that, but the situation is getting out of hand. You have to end it before things get worse…I didn’t want to tell you this, but Sirius set the thing up at the willow so James could save Severus and look like the hero to you.”

“Are you kidding?”

“No. I know it was stupid but he did it because James fancies you so much and Sirius wants him to be happy.”

“I just…Rem, I’m going to break someone’s heart and…”

“You don’t want to. I know. Why do you think I’ve tried so hard to avoid Sabrina?”

“Because you’re daft?”

Remus shook his head sadly. “Before I knew she fancied me, it was just my heart that might get hurt, but now – now it’s hers as well. I don’t want to hurt her because…”

“You love her.”

“Yes.”

“Then be with her.”

“That’s not an option and you know it.”

“Why isn’t it?”

“Because she deserves better than I can give her.”

“But she wants you. You should have seen the wreck she was when you got hurt. She fainted.”

“Did she?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, Merlin,” Remus muttered weakly.

“You’re so much luckier than me, you know who you want and you know she wants you, so be with her and be happy.”

“I wish I could.” There was a moment’s pause while Remus collected himself. “We’re not meant to be talking about me are we? Lily, I’m afraid if this carries on much longer all three of you will end up hurt and I don’t want to see that.”

“I can’t pick, I just can’t.”

“You have to. Please, for all your sakes.”

“How?”

“I honestly think in your heart, you know who you want.”

“Who?”

Remus looked prepared to answer but stopped immediately. “I – I can’t tell you.”

“Then I’m left in the same spot, aren’t I?”

“I still think what I told you to do on the train is the only way.”

“Go on a date with each of them?”

“Yes.”

“And if I still don’t know after that?”

“Then I think it’s safe to say you don’t want either of them, but I don’t think that will be the case.”

“And what about you and Sabrina?”

“I just have to hope she gets over whatever it is she thinks she feels for me.”

“Remus at least tell her you’re a werewolf and see what she does.”

“I can’t. I just can’t stand the thought of her being horrified by me. It’s better this way.”

“You know if you tell her she might end in surprising you. And if you love her, like you say you do, then you’ll at least give her the chance.”

“I’ll think about it. And will you?”

“Yes.”

“Good. We should go because I’m sure class has started by now.”

Remus walked swiftly from the room, Lily followed at a slower pace. Entering the room, she saw everyone was all ready immersed in the day’s project. James smiled at her briefly as she walked to join Severus.

“Since when did you and Remus start going to the loo together?” From the tone of his voice, she could tell he was annoyed.

“We were talking.”

“I assumed and it couldn’t have waited until after potions?”

“Sev…I’m sorry. I’ll do the rest if you want me to.”

“No, it’s fine. Could you hand me the monk’s hood, please?”

Lily nodded and passed the bottle to him, her eyes intent upon him.

“What?”

“Nothing. Are you busy tonight?”

“Hmmm, Ametus.”

“Honestly, that boy’s going to be the death of you.”

“There’s only a month left of term. I think I’ll survive.”

“Hope so, I’d hate to have to break in a new best friend.” Right away the tension between them was broken.

Severus chuckled under his breath and the two of them turned their full concentration over to the potion.

Later that night, Lily was sitting at a table in the common room. She was meant to be studying History of Magic but the topic held no fascination for her tonight. Her conversation with Remus ran through her mind repeatedly. She knew he was right, she did have to make a choice and soon, if only for her own sanity. If Remus was right and she did know the answer in her heart then that organ was being very stubborn about giving up its secrets. Sighing, she looked down at the paper in front of her, surprised to see that she had doodled both boys’ names on the parchment. Perhaps if she could figure out which one she had written first she would discover the answer.

Lily examined the piece of parchment minutely. It did seem as if one of the names was more engraved on the paper. She ran her fingers lightly over the writing trying to make a determination.

“Lily.”

She jumped and quickly thrust the bit of parchment under her book. “Yes, James.”

The boy looked at her nervously. “Would you maybe consider going to Hogsmeade with me on Saturday?”

Almost by instinct, Lily opened her mouth to say no, then stopped, this was the perfect opportunity to try Remus’ plan. She had been planning to go on a date with Severus first; after all he had been her best friend for eight years now. But he hadn’t asked and James had, so what harm could there be in going on a date with fellow Gryffindor first?

“Alright.”

Joy lit up James’ features. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Great! Then I’ll meet you in the common room at ten. If that’s okay with you.”

“Sure.”

James practically bounced away to where Remus was sitting. Lily couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm, but the smile soon slid from her face. Now all she had to do was tell Severus what she’d just agreed to.

Lily managed to avoid her best friend all of Thursday and most of Friday. She honestly didn’t know why she was so trepidatious about telling him about Saturday, after all, it was only one date and he was going to get his chance as well. It was with this thought in mind that she entered the library Friday night.

Severus was sitting at a table about midway back, books strewn everywhere. Her heart was in her throat as she walked to the table. Even the chair next to him was piled high with books. Severus appeared to be unaware of her presence until she picked the first book up off the chair and put it on the table.

“Hi.” The way he was looking at her, the slightest hint of fear in his eyes made her heart beat faster.

“Hi.”

He grabbed several of the books and piled them on the floor next to him. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting anyone.”

“It’s okay.” Lily answered as she dropped her bag on the table.

They sat in awkward silence for many moments before Severus spoke. “Lily are you angry with me for some reason?”

“No, why did you ask?”

“Well, you haven’t talked to me since potions on Wednesday.”

“Nonsense, I talked to you in class today.”

“Not really. Look, Lil, if I’ve done something I wish you would tell me.”

“You haven’t done anything. I…” Oh this was going to be hard, especially if he already thought she was upset with him. “About Hogsmeade tomorrow – the thing is – James Potter asked me and…”

“Is he bothering you again?”

“Not exactly. I – I’ve said I’ll go with him, Sev.” It took an eternity for his head to turn and their eyes to meet. What Lily had expected to see she wasn’t certain, but it definitely wouldn’t have been the confusion and fear she did.

“Oh. Well, I…” His fingers were fiddling with the pages of the book in front of him. “I said I would give Ametus some extra help tomorrow anyway. So – you go – and – and – have fun.”

She wanted to tell him she was going to go on a date with him as well but felt if she said it now then it almost made the date with James seem like a farce. “I’ll see you when I get back.”

“Sure. Listen Lily, I’ve got to go meet Clive.” He hastily stood and crammed several of the books into his satchel.

“Sev.”

“Yeah.”

“Try to get some rest tomorrow.”

He nodded briskly and rushed from the library, knocking a pile of books from the table nearest the door on his way out. Lily sat at the table, absentmindedly flipping through the pile of books Severus had left behind while Madame Pince glaring at her. Finally, at ten minutes to curfew she left, taking the one book she knew to be his, intending to return it to him as soon as possible.

The next morning Lily awoke to find the dorm room already empty. She hadn’t slept particularly well last night, twisting and turning in her four-poster long after Sabrina’s gentle snores had filled the room. She supposed it was just as well she had missed breakfast since her stomach was writhing uncomfortably. A look at her clock told her she had better start getting ready if she was going to have any hope of being on time.

She showered quickly and after some contemplation decided on wearing a pair of jeans and a shirt with little blue flowers embroidered on it. After running a brush through her hair, she picked up the circle of forget-me-nots. Putting it on by herself was going to be a pain. She struggled for several moments before deciding she was going to have to wait until she saw one of the girls to help her. Clutching the bracelet tightly in her hand, she prepared to leave the room. She hadn’t gone more than a step or two when she stopped.

Lily looked at the object in her hand. Somehow it didn’t feel right to wear Severus’ gift on a date with James. She slowly crossed back to her bedside cabinet and pulled open the top drawer. The first thing to meet her eyes was a picture of her and Severus, the only picture he had ever claimed liked of himself, she gently placed the bracelet on top of it. It would be the first day she hadn’t worn the piece of jewellery since it had put on her wrist months earlier. The only time she ever took it off was to bathe; she even slept with it on.

As she walked down the stairs, her hand drifted to her wrist, seeking the forget-me-nots to fiddle with. Somehow, without the little flowers, she felt naked. She also felt incredibly nauseous. Lily paused on the stairs debating whether or not to head back upstairs and to the loo. But decided her stomach wasn’t likely to feel any better in the foreseeable future.

James was standing at the foot of the stairs looking as nervous as she felt. He had clearly tried to tame his hair in honour of their date because it looked plastered to his head. The sight helped to relieve a little bit of her nervousness and by the time she had left the last step Lily felt better.

“Morning, James.”

The boy spun at the sound of her voice. “Good morning, Lily. Are you ready?”

“Almost.” Lily answered having just spied Sabrina sitting dejectedly in a chair by the window. “Give me just one second.”

The boy opened his mouth to respond but Lily sped away before he had gotten a syllable out.

“Brinia, are you alright?”

The girl responded in the affirmative but the tone of her voice made it clear she was anything but fine.

“Aren’t you going to Hogsmeade?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t get asked. Mary said I could go with her but she’s been so crabby lately I’m not sure I want to spend any more time with her. Could I maybe go with you and Severus?”

“I’m going with James.”

“What about Severus?”

“He’s tutoring today.”

“And he doesn’t care you’re going to the village with James?”

“Why should he?”

“Because you’re his girlfriend…”

“Why would you say that?”

“With the way you’ve been acting all year I just assumed.”

“Severus and I are not dating at this time.”

Sabrina looked like she wanted to say something in response to Lily’s statement, but after peering at Lily closely merely said, “maybe I’ll go with Mary after all, have a girl’s day.”

Lily hesitated. She felt guilty leaving Sabrina when she was so glum.

“Go on, Lily.”

Lily gave a sigh and headed over to where James was waiting for her.

“Everything okay with Sabrina?”

“She says so.”

“Should we get going then?”

“Fine.”

The two left the common room and headed towards the entrance hall in silence. Lily wondered why she hadn’t done what Alice had when she and Frank went on their first date and told James she would meet him in the village. She should have at least told Sabrina to come find her in an hour or two. Her left hand drifted to her right wrist, annoyed when it only found bare skin.

“So, I found what Flitwick said in class the other day to be very interesting.”

Relief washed over her. “About counter charms?”

“Yes.”

Their conversation about the exact method of discovering a counter charm carried them through the walk down to Hogsmeade. It was only then, Lily wondered what James had in mind for the day. Usually she didn’t have a plan when coming to the village. When she came with her dorm mates they ended up going just about everywhere and Severus and she liked to do the same sort of things so there was never any discussion or debate about what they would do.

Lily decided for now she would go along with whatever James had in mind. She was taken aback when they stopped outside a dress shop and peered in the window.

“Do you mind? I just want to pop in and get my mum something for her birthday.”

“No, that’s fine.”

They entered the shop and Lily followed James as he wandered up to the jewellery counter. “When is your mum’s birthday?”

“Oh, next Thursday. Can I see that one?” James pointed at a necklace with a heavy garnet pendant hanging from it.

“And how old will she be?” Lily asked curiously. Realising for the first time, she and James had never really talked about their families.

“Sixty-three.”

“Wow. That’s…um…”

James laughed, “I know, my parents are quite old, my dad is seventy-two.” James looked at the shopkeeper and smiled. “I’ll take it and can you owl it for me?”

“Certainly, Mr. Potter. That will be five hundred galleons. How would you like to pay today?”

Lily was sure her jaw had dropped but James seemed to be completely unfazed. “Can you just have it taken out of my Gringott’s account?”

“Of course. If you could just sign the draft.”

James pulled the piece of parchment to him and signed his name with a flourish. “Thanks. So are you ready or do you want to look at anything else?”

“No, I’m fine.” Truthfully Lily didn’t think she could afford a single thing in the shop. “So how come your parents waited so long to have you?”

James laughed. “They didn’t really wait. Would you like to go get something to drink?”

“That would be nice.” Lily turned in the direction of the Three Broomsticks and was surprised to discover James had turned in the opposite direction.

“The Three Broomsticks is this way.” She pointed out.

“I thought maybe we could go to… Never mind, Three Broomsticks it is. So where were we?”

“Your parents.”

“Ah yes. The thing is, mum and dad had actually been told they couldn’t have any children so I was something of a surprise.”

“Are you close?”

“Yeah. They’re great really. It was hard to come to school and leave them.”

“But they’re young in wizarding terms aren’t they?”

“I’m not sure seventy-two is young by anyone’s standards,” said James as he held open the door for her. “Do you want to try to find a table and I’ll get the drinks.”

Lily smiled. “That sounds good.”

It took a considerable amount of hunting to find a table but eventually she discovered one near the entrance to the kitchen.

“Here you are, one butterbeer.” James jovially handed her the bottle as he slid into the seat opposite her.

Lily took it from him, her fingers brushing his. “Is it lonely, not having any brothers or sisters?”

“I never thought about it before I came to school and now Sirius and Remus and Peter are around so much I might as well have three brothers. What about you? Are you and your sister close?”

“We were until Se…she found out I was a witch. Actually, I suppose we were close until she found out she couldn’t come to Hogwarts.”

“I didn’t think your sister was…”

“She’s not and that didn’t set well with her. But I have May and Cris and they’re practically family.”

“I’ve heard you talk about them before but I can’t say I fully understand, are they cousins or something?”

Lily laughed lightly “No,” she answered before proceeding to tell James all about the Halls and their place in the Evans family. This led to several stories in which the siblings played a prominent part, especially Cris, who James said sounded like a man after his own heart.

Lily was in the middle of recounting the exploding beer bottle story Cris had told them at the beginning of last summer when she saw Ametus Falconar enter the pub. What on earth was he doing here? Wasn’t he meant to be studying with Severus? Luckily for her, James was so busy wiping the tears of mirth from his eyes he seemed to be oblivious to the unexpected pause in the story.

“Lily, will you excuse me for one minute? I need the toilet.”

“Go right ahead.”

Lily waited until James had disappeared into the crowd before she rushed in the direction of the fifth year Gryffindor. “Ametus!” she yelled over the hubbub.

The dark brown head stopped and turned in the direction of her voice, a bemused smile on his face. “Ametus, what are you doing here, I thought you and Severus were meeting to study today?”

“I thought so too, but I got a note from him this morning asking if we could postpone. So I came here with Jules instead. I figured he had decided to come to the village with you. Do you care if I interrupt for a minute or two so we can set up a new time to meet?’

“Sev isn’t here – I’m actually here with James Potter.”

Ametus looked startled by the news. “But I thought you and Severus…Have you two broken up or something?”

“Ametus, Sev and I are…Severus is my best friend. I thought you knew that.”

“Yeah, it just seemed like… Oh well, clearly none of my business. If you do see him could you ask him to get in touch with me?”

“Yes.”

“Well then, have a good day, Lily.”

“You too.” Lily watched Ametus move off with his girlfriend. She thought she heard him whisper something about break-ups and broken hearts to Julia but it was so loud she couldn’t be certain.

“There you are. I thought I’d lost you.” James said coming up next to her.

“Oh – what? – No, I just wanted to ask Ametus something real fast.”

“Are you two finished or…?”

“No, we’re done.”

“So what would you like to do now? Honeydukes maybe?  I know you like sweets. I always see you in there.”

Lily nodded, given the animosity between the two boys she didn’t want to tell James she was always in there because of Severus and his sweet tooth. The two of them crossed the lane to the shop, which was overflowing with students including several of her friends. Lily smiled and waved at Sabrina, who was digging through a barrel of Bertie Botts boxes, peering up through the bottoms in the hopes of getting a packet that didn’t contain too many disgusting flavours. Mary was standing a short way off eyeing a bunch of cockroach clusters Peter seemed intent on buying.

“So what do you think? Chocolate, Bertie Botts?” James wandered through the store, pointing out the virtues of the various confections lining the wall.

What Lily really wanted was a moment of peace and quiet. So she grabbed a few packages of jellybeans and a couple of chocolate bars just so he would stop talking and they could escape. It was with a sigh of relief that she exited the building, her hand unconsciously seeking the missing bracelet.

“James, I really can’t let you pay for all of this.” She said holding the bag up in front of her and knowing she would inevitably end up giving them to Severus.

“I don’t mind. Come on, Zonkos next.” James grabbed her hand and walked excitedly across the lane.

Lily couldn’t help but notice several people stopping to look pointedly at hers and James’ intertwined hands, a few even stopping to whisper. And Lily was certain she overheard a Ravenclaw say to a Hufflepuff “Guess Evans and Snape broke up. I knew that would never last.”

She had no time to respond before James pulled her into the overcrowded joke shop. It must have taken the better part of two hours for James to show Lily all his favourite products by the end of which she had a screaming headache.

“Listen, James, can we go somewhere else? Some place quieter where we can talk?”

“Sure.” He slammed a trick wand back on the shelf and headed for the door. Once they were outside he turned and asked, “where to?”

“Let’s just go for a walk.” Lily headed up the track towards the Shrieking Shack. She stopped when she reached the empty field across from the dilapidated building. She dropped to the ground, grateful to be somewhere that wasn’t deafeningly loud or over crowded, James soon joined her on the bright green grass.

“I can’t believe all that time it was Remus doing the haunting,” she mused after several blissful minutes of silence.

“I always want to laugh when I hear people speculating about what goes on in there. Some of the theories are…” he cut off with a laugh.

“It must have been something when people first heard the noise.”

“Must have. I believe Dumbledore cast a few charms to go off before we ever got to school.”

“Really?”

“Hmmm, some still go off at random times, that way people don’t figure out the noises only happen on the full moon and Moony doesn’t get caught.”

“What is Remus doing today?”

James stretched out his legs in front of him “Studying, I think.”

“I hoped he would bring Sabrina.”

“Me too. I thought it was a really good sign when they became partners in potions, but I guess he’s not there yet.”

Lily lay down on her stomach and rested her head on her hands. This felt better, more normal and comfortable. “Do you think he’ll ever tell her?”

“Not unless she forces the issue.”

“You mean if she asked him for a date?”

“Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of her confronting him about being a werewolf.”

“I don’t think she knows he is one, James.”

“She doesn’t.”

“Are you suggesting one of us tell her?”

James sighed and lay down next to her on his back. “It’s tempting, but I can’t betray Remus like that. Particularly after what happened with Sirius.”

“Probably wise…what other sort of plan do you have in mind?”

“Broad hints?” James smiled ruefully. “Honestly, I haven’t the slightest idea.” He let out a long breath. “Could we maybe not talk about my friends? What with Remus’ love life and the fact that he and Sirius still aren’t talking I’ve had about all I can handle.”

“Of course. So what do you want to do after school?”

“Not entirely sure. I don’t really have to work, my trust is fairly sizable but I’d like to do something about stopping You-Know-Who so maybe I’ll go to Auror training. What about you?”

“I’ve been puzzling over that one for a while.” Her elbows were starting to hurt so she flipped over, laying on her back next to him.

“And?”

“I thought I’d like to work for the ministry but I don’t know in what capacity.”

“I’m sure you’ll find something, you’re smart as anything.”

“Hmmm.”

Minutes stretched silently by while they lay on their backs in the field, staring up at the sky. Then James’ finger pointed heavenward. “Look, doesn’t that cloud look like that house elf Willow? You know, the really squeaky one in the kitchen.”

“Where?”

“There.” James’ finger traced the contour of a cloud crossing the sky.

“It does, kind of.”

James laughed. “She’s a cute one isn’t she?”

Lily giggled, “I remember, one time, I went in for a cup of tea and ended in leaving with a whole basket of stuff.”

“She’s always been that way. Our house elf was like that too.”

“You have a house elf?”

“We did, but he died over the summer and mum hasn’t found a replacement yet.”

“Where do you find a new house elf?”

“Family usually.”

“Oh.”

“Do you have any servants?”

“No, we’re not that rich, besides mum likes being domestic. I really can’t see her letting anyone else in her kitchen.”

“So she’s a good cook?”

“Wonderful. Unfortunately, it’s not a talent I have inherited. I can’t even boil water.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“No, it’s the truth. I remember when I was about eight I took it into my head to make my dad a cake for his birthday…” Lily told the story of her failure with relish.

By the end, James was laughing so hard he declared he was going to be sick. Afterward he felt obliged to tell her how he had blown up half his father’s study trying to brew a potion at ten. They sat sharing stories until the sun had begun to set behind the trees and they were in real danger of being locked out. Lily laughingly proposed they race back to the gate which James readily agreed to. She felt a twinge of annoyance when he passed through the gates almost a whole minute after her, clearly choosing to let her win.

As she stood at the base of the stairs to the dorm Lily had to admit to herself that for the most part the date had gone well. Which meant she was sadly no closer to a decision.

“Thank you, Lily, I had a good time.” James beamed at her.

Lily smiled “Me too.”

Then James suddenly moved towards her and half a heartbeat later his lips met hers. She was stunned, somehow she hadn’t pictured James as the kiss on the first date type. His lips moved against hers, opening swiftly, his tongue running across her lips. Her mouth opened to him slowly as his tongue brushing hers. His hands came to rest against her back and pulled her closer to him. Lily stumbled a little and pressed her hands to his chest to steady herself. Instantly, the kiss became more insistent. She just wasn’t ready for this with him and so pulled away.

“Good night, James.”

He looked puzzled for a moment but then smiled happily “Night, Lily.”

With one last small smile she walked contemplatively up the stairs and into the dorm room where her three roommates sat on their beds, waiting for her.

“So…” Alice asked, “how was it?”

Lily thought a moment before responding, “It was – nice.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might not be everyone's favorite chapter but I ask you to all have faith in me and keep reading.


	31. Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am guessing this is a chapter many of you have been waiting for, so enjoy.

Severus had lost track of how long he had been lying in bed, he knew it had to be several days at least. He also knew things must be bad with him because even Avery had asked him anxiously what was wrong and if he could possibly help. Severus’ only response had been to mutter a wish that Potter was gone, pull the curtains around his bed and roll over.

He figured he must have cried a million tears between the time Lily had told him about her date and this very instant. One would think that by now there would be not a drop of moisture left in him but clearly that was wrong because every single time he thought about Lily and that prat together his heart would break and the flood gates would open all over again.

He tried to stop it all, to tell himself Lily was just one girl and if he were smart – if he were even the tiniest bit intelligent then he would get a life, get a girlfriend, and get over Lily. Find some way to forget about the dream of them together and stuff her firmly back into the friends only box. Of course, the problem with that was he had never seen Lily as just a friend, so that adjustment could be quite hard.

There were other times when he felt angry, at the universe, at himself, even a little bit at Lily. Here he had spent months thinking he had a chance and she had just been leading him on, playing with him. No, Lily wouldn’t do that. So that meant he had done something wrong and for the life of him he couldn’t figure out what it was. He had done everything she wanted since last summer and yet he had lost anyway. Somehow Potter had still won.

The worst thing was now he was going to have to let her go entirely because he couldn’t stand the idea of watching them together. His mind constantly tortured him with scenes of Lily telling him how very happy she was with Potter, how perfect it was when they made love, that they were getting married, having children. He just couldn’t live through that. He didn’t have it in him to smile and pretend he was happy for her.

He felt as if he were drowning in a sea of his own misery. There were times when he couldn’t breathe the pain in his heart was so great. All he had ever wanted in his whole life was her. Everything he was, had tried to be was for her and it had all meant nothing. The tears were welling in his eyes again.

“Snape.”

He rubbed his face in the pillow trying to rid himself of the tell-tale wetness on his check. He wouldn’t let people see how weak he was.

“Severus.”

This time he grunted at the sound of Mulciber’s voice. Why did people keep bothering him? Couldn’t they just leave him alone to die of his broken heart?

“Look, I know you prefer to be left alone when you don’t feel well but Severus you’ve been laying here for close to a week now.”

Was that all it had been? Severus had been positive years had passed since that night in the library.

“If you don’t show some improvement by tomorrow I’m going to Slughorn.”

He made no reply, just continued to watch the spider spinning its web in the corner above his four-poster.

“Severus did you hear me?”

He nodded his head slightly, knowing the other boy wouldn’t leave until he got some sort of acknowledgement. Severus heard Mulciber sigh and walk away.

“How is he?”

Great, Urania was back. She had to have been here at least a dozen times in the last few days.

“I’m not sure.” Vincent answered worriedly.

“Won’t he go to the Hospital Wing yet?”

“He isn’t even talking at this point.”

Urania’s voice dropped and Severus could no longer make out what the two people were saying. The whispering was grating though and he contemplated pulling the drapes and casting a silencing charm but it seemed like too much work. The incentive flared in him for a brief second when he heard the word mudblood from the conversation. He did want to tell them not to use the word but he didn’t think his voice worked anymore. Really all he had the energy to do was lie here and feel sorry for himself.

“Severus.” The bed sagged as Urania sat down on it.

Severus was unsure when Mulciber had left. Suddenly a small hand reached out and brushed the hair from his forehead. Unbidden his eyes slid shut. Gods he wanted his gram, he wanted just once for someone to tell him it would all be all right. He really wanted Lily right here, with him. Oh Merlin, even the thought of her name hurt now. He had been a fool, a whole week and she hadn’t even asked after him. He clearly meant nothing to her.

Why couldn’t he fancy Urania? She had gone out of her way to take care of him. She had brought him his class work, even though he had less than no interest in learning anything at the moment. Had tried to tempt him into eating with all his favourite dishes, how she knew what they were he couldn’t guess. It had even worked once or twice. And she read to him, stories his mum had told him when he was little before life at Spinner’s End was entirely wretched.

He thought about rolling over and kissing her, just to see what happened. Could he picture a future with Urania? He tried. Tried to envision going to the village with her, eating meals together, all the little things that made you a couple and he couldn’t. Without fail Urania’s blue eyes shifted to green and the blond hair lengthened and turned red.

“Severus, you got a letter this morning. Would you like me to read it to you?”

“Who is it from?” His voice was harsh from lack of use.

“Someone called Cris.”

“No.” He was in no mood for football updates.

“There was toad in a hole at dinner.”

“Hmm.”

“I brought you some.”

He went back to being silent. Urania’s voice was remarkably simpering today, almost screechy in fact. He tried not to compare it to Lily’s low, soothing tones, with just a hint of a northern working accent in some of the words. It was a lost cause, he was a lost cause, the truth was he would never get over her. He, Severus Snape, would love Lily Evans until the very last beat of his heart.

Oh shit, he was going to cry, again. He was fairly certain he had cried more in the last week than he had in the whole rest of his life combined. And still the tears continued to come.

“Severus, please try to eat something.”

He nodded curtly, hoping she would go away and leave him to wallow in his utter desolation. She gave a sigh and pressed a quick kiss to his forehead. Urania’s lips were remarkably similar to his mum’s and he was glad he hadn’t given into his momentary delusion and kissed her.

Once he was sure she was gone he rolled over and fumbled in the drawer of his bedside cabinet. It took a moment but he finally found what he was looking for, the picture of him and Lily. It was the only photo of himself he had ever liked. The two of them were sitting against the side of the Evans’ house, Lily’s head resting on his shoulder, him looking over at her. It was perfect, her hair glistened in the late summer sun, the light dusting of freckles on her nose were barely visible, the only flaw was her eyes were closed. And somehow he looked respectable, almost handsome, his hair freshly washed and newly cut, only the collar of his shirt showing. On top of that Cris had managed to catch him in a position where his nose didn’t appear to take up three quarters of his face.

He lightly caressed the picture Lily’s cheek. “I love you. I’ll always love you, even if you never love me.”

He prepared to roll over once again, figuring he would stare at the picture until he found a way to deal with the pain or he shrivelled up into an empty shell person. But the letter from Cris caught his eye. The ink on the front was red, that had been their agreed upon code that the letter contained important news. Severus wasn’t sure he could take any more bad news, but Cris was his friend and when he showed up home in slightly more than three weeks he was going to need some support, lest he fall apart entirely and have to be locked in an insane asylum. His hand was shaking like a leaf as he reached out for the parchment on the cabinet. He tried to will it to stop but that only seemed to make it worse.

It took an inordinate amount of strength to lift the roll from the cabinet to the bed. By the time he had unrolled the letter he was exhausted and half tempted to ignore the whole thing. That was until he caught the first sentence.

_Severus,_

_What in the hell are you doing? I got a letter from Lily and she tells me she hasn’t seen you in close to a week. Not since she went on a date with that Potter bloke. She said one of your housemates said you were ill. Now you know and I know that is a big, fat lie! You are moping, sulking, feeling sorry for yourself, whatever you want to call it. Well it has to stop!_

_I told you she might go out on a date with Potter, that she might even shag him. Well now she has gone on the date and YOU NEED TO GET OVER IT! You are **not** out of the race. For God’s sake man it was just one date! It’s not as if she’s marrying him. So get your ass out of bed and go fight for her!_

_If nothing else let her see you’re alive because she’s all kinds of frantic. No one is willing to tell her anything. So now she’s threatening to break into your common room, write your mother, go to the headmaster and I don’t know what all. Put her out of her misery, Sev._

_Look, if it helps I promise you are still in the running. But if you carry on like this too much then you may find yourself out of it, if only because you’re not there. You know I wouldn’t lie to you. I still truly believe you are going to be the one in the end, so just hold on. Head up little brother, it’ll all work out in the end. I promise. In the meantime if you need to talk I’m here. I’ll even come up there and meet you if you need me to. Just say the word and I’m there._

_Write me back soon and let me know what’s going on. And if by some freak chance you really are ill then I’m sorry about this and take yourself to the medical wing._

_Cris_

There it was, the wished for ‘everything will be all right’ he had wanted. At least Cris still thought he had a chance. If only he believed it. Rationally he knew Cris was right, it was just one date. But his heart hurt so badly it hardly mattered what his brain said.

Actually the truth was he felt betrayed. Maybe it was because of what had happened in the tunnel. Yes, that was the crux of the problem. James and his friends had wanted him dead, he was convinced of it. He knew why Black had lured him down there. It was because if he were dead then there would only be James left to console Lily and so Potter would win. And no matter what had been said Severus didn’t doubt in the least Potter was on board with the plan. So the fact that Lily had chosen to go out with her housemate was a knife through the heart. But how could he have told her that without seeming childish? He couldn’t.

How could he possibly fight back now? He was completely out of ideas. He wanted to talk to Cris, ask for his advice, he wanted it desperately. For the first time he wished Hogwarts had a telephone. He was much too weak to even contemplate writing a letter back to Cris at the moment. He reread Cris’ letter carefully; hoping he had missed some piece of guidance but all Cris had told him was to fight for Lily.

The scent of the toad in a hole drifted over to him and for the first time in days he found he was actually hungry. Severus struggled to sit up on the bed and pulled the plate to him. As he ate he held a mental conversation between himself and Cris, trying to imagine what the man would tell him to do. His eyes ran down the length of the letter again. One thing was certain, he did have to keep fighting. He hadn’t come all this way and changed so much to just give up. Until Lily told him there was absolutely no hope left he was going to hang on.

He cast an earnest prayer up to his gram to help him and not let his beautiful Lily marry that reckless idiot. Because that was the only way Severus was going to believe his chance was over. And if Lily did date James in the meantime and he was forced to listen to sickening stories about their love life well then…

His stomach gave a gurgle as he imagined Lily telling him about her sex life in vivid detail. Okay, clearly there were things he was not prepared to deal with just yet. Shakily he reached for the drawer of his cabinet, he would start a list of questions to ask Cris and the first was going to be how to handle intimate details. His stomach gave a lurch and an acid taste washed up in his mouth. He was going to be sick.

Severus closed his eyes and tried to will the sensation away. He hated sicking up and fought hard not to. He took a few deep breaths in through his nose. He was fairly certain he wouldn’t make it to a toilet in time he was so drained. He begged his stomach to listen to him but the bile was rising in his throat. Clasping a hand over his mouth he fell out of bed and staggered for the hall, not even bothering to grab his dressing gown. Somehow he managed to make it to the loo just in the nick of time. He continued to heave long after his stomach was empty.

“Snape?”

For pity’s sake, couldn’t Avery stop spying on him for even five minutes? Did he think Severus was plotting the overthrow of Voldemort over a toilet? Severus heard the door of the cubicle squeak as it opened. He didn’t have the strength to lift his head from the white porcelain seat under him and look at his roommate.

“I think it’s time you go to Madame Pomfrey.”

“No.” he moaned as his stomach rolled. His hand clutched the seat tighter. There was no way in the world he could make that walk.

“Severus you’re in really bad shape.”

“I’m better, truly.”

“Yeah, because nothing says better quite like sicking up all over the toilet.”

“I think I just ate too much.”

Mulciber’s voice chimed from across the room. “Well, being hungry is a good sign.”

“I suppose.” Avery sounded sceptical.

“What did you eat Severus?”

“Urania brought me toad in a hole.”

Mulciber scoffed; from the sound he had joined Avery at the cubicle door. “No wonder you vomited, eating greasy stuff like that. Marius go to the kitchen and get him a bowl of broth, some bread and a cup of tea, peppermint if they have it.”

“I hate peppermint tea.” Severus protested from the floor.

“You’ll cope this once.”

“Anything else?”

“Water, lots of water. He’s half dehydrated and probably starving as well.”

“All right, I’ll be back in a minute.”

Severus listened to the sound of the boy’s footsteps fade away.

“Think you’re done?” Questioned Mulciber. Severus concentrated hard on his stomach for a moment before nodding. “Then let’s get you back to bed.”

“Don’t think I can move that far.”

“I’ll help you. Come on, give me your arm.”

Severus wasn’t sure how Vincent managed it but somehow in the blink of an eye his classmate had hefted him up and was half carrying, half helping him down the hall.

“Guess it’s good you’re so skinny huh?”

“Guess so.” Severus agreed.

“Let me know if you’re going to be sick again.”

“Don’t think there’s anything left to come up.”

“Hmm.” Vincent intoned noncommittally. “Still.”

The two finally made it back to the dorm after what felt like kilometres of walking to Severus.

“Why don’t you put on some fresh clothes?”

Was Vincent joking? All Severus wanted to do was fall into bed and lay there like a flobberworm. Looking down at the cuff of his nightshirt he saw it was splattered with who knew what. Weakly he struggled to take the shirt off over his head.

“You want me to get you a clean one?”

“No, I’ve got it.” Even though he had left all his truly personal things in the guest room at the Evans’ house, Severus still wasn’t keen on anyone looking in his trunk.

That plan died when it turned out he was too drained to lift the lid so Vincent had to do it for him. It took some digging for him to find the pair of maroon pyjamas Violet had given him at Christmas but eventually he pulled them out from under a navy blue jumper. Generally Severus hated wearing pyjamas, he was a restless sleeper and the bottoms tended to get twisted and wound up around his legs. Usually he ended in getting up and taking them off but they were the only clean thing he had to sleep in right now so he would just have to suffer.

Once he had gotten into the nightclothes he climbed into bed, falling against the pillow with a relieved and exhausted breath. It wasn’t until then that he saw the letter and picture caught beneath a fold of the spread. He swiftly stuffed them under the sheet. Luckily it appeared Mulciber hadn’t noticed.

“So what’s wrong with you exactly?”

“Just the flu I think.”

“You’ve been pretty bad.”

“So I gather.”

“But if you’re hungry and have the energy to get out of bed then you should be on the mend.”

“You know Vincent you’d make a fairly decent Healer.”

“I’ve thought about it.”

“Then why not do it?”

“Severus, we’re going to be Death Eaters.”

“So?”

“What do you mean so?”

“Well, it stands to reason a few of us might get hurt. It could be an asset to have a healer of our own.”

“You think?”

“You should talk to Lucius about it.”

“What about taking the mark?”

“Maybe the Dark Lord will let you do your training first.”

“Or maybe I could take the mark and then do the training.”

“Maybe.”

Vincent gave him a thoughtful smile as Avery bustled through the door. “Those house elves are crazy. I’ve got three kinds of broth, four kinds of bread and I don’t know how much water and tea. They also gave me some pudding, bread and butter.”

“What kind of broth do you have?”

“Hmm, chicken, vegetable and something the really squeaky one called beef tea.”

“That’s what we want.”

Avery passed Vincent a sealed container and a bowl. “Can he feed himself or should I run and get Urania?”

“I think I can manage soup by myself, thanks.”

Vincent passed him the bowl carefully. “Eat slowly. I’m willing to bet you gorged yourself earlier and that’s why you got so sick.” Once Severus had the bowl in his hands Vincent turned back to the other boy. “Did you get the peppermint tea?”

“Yes.”

“No peppermint tea, really it makes me sick.”

“Peppermint helps calm your stomach.”

“I know what it’s meant to do but it doesn’t work on me. Just give me some regular tea with milk and sugar and I’ll be fine.”

“Black tea, no milk, no sugar.”

“Then I don’t want it.”

Vincent gave an exasperated huff and shoved a container of water onto the cabinet. “Just drink this. And eat the bread if your stomach holds the soup well.”

Severus nodded.

“Come on Marius. Leave the rest here and he can eat it over the next couple of days.”

“I’m getting out of bed tomorrow.”

This time, the two friends shared a glance before Avery smiled. “Sure Snape.”

“I am.”

Vincent shook his head, apparently at what he perceived as Severus’ stupidity. “Just finish your food and get some rest, Severus.”

After the two boys left Severus ate the soup and bread as quickly as he dared, relieved that his stomach didn’t revolt. “I am getting out of here tomorrow. I have to see Lily.”

His hand searched for the picture under his pillow. This time he didn’t even glance at himself, his eyes fixed on Lily. He had to win her, he just had to. Tomorrow he would figure out a way to make it right. He slowly drifted off to sleep, his eyes still glued to the face in front of him.

The next morning Severus awoke feeling significantly better, though incredibly hungry and particularly disgusting. Rolling over on the bed, he saw the room was deserted; apparently it was later than he thought. A quick look at his watch told him it was in fact slightly after two, in the afternoon he assumed. Still he was determined to get out of this bed and cleaned up. His first course of action was to get something to eat and since lunch in the Great Hall would be over by now he would eat the rest of the broth and bread, then he was taking a shower. After that, he was going to find Lily.

Lily sped down the stairs at a breakneck speed. Only moments before Alice had told her Ametus had seen Severus downstairs. Unable to hold back her joy Lily had grabbed her friend and hugged her, laughing all the while. It had to have been one of the worst weeks of Lily’s life, right up there with the ones where her father had died and when she and Severus weren’t speaking.

She hadn’t worried too much when Severus failed to show up for any meals the Sunday after her date with James. She knew he had to be upset and had already decided she was sick of waiting around for him to ask her for a date so she was going to ask him. She had gone half -way with the Remus/May plan and damn it she was going to finish it. Even though the date was now going to have to wait until they were home for the summer, she and Sev were going on one. They were going to kiss and she was going to make a decision, because another term like this and she would have lost it.

The worry had actually started Monday night when she found out he hadn’t been to a single lesson that day. By midmorning on Tuesday worry had grown into anxiety. She found herself circling the Slytherins constantly in the hopes one of them would say something, anything about Severus. She only heard his name twice and that was in hushed conversations she could barely hear. That night she had given in and found Urania, and tried get out of the Slytherin how her best friend was. But the girl refused to give her any information other than he was feeling ‘under the weather’. So Lily had settled for giving Urania a helping of Sheppard’s Pie and requesting she give it to Severus.

By dinner on Wednesday her stomach was tied in knots, she had tried asking Slughorn about Severus earlier in the day but the potions master appeared to have no clue Severus had missed every single class so far this week. What kind of head of house was Slughorn that he didn’t notice when one of his students had all but disappeared? Out of sheer desperation Lily had penned a frantic letter to Cris, hoping Severus would have written him before things got too bad. Then, swallowing her pride, she had point-blank asked Urania what was going on, only to be told Severus was still sick and the second year girl was taking care of him.

Lily wanted to scream in frustration. What right did Urania Burke have to take care of Severus when he was sick? That was her job, or at least it would be if Severus ever got sick. It figures the first time he was truly ill since she had known him and Lily had no way to get to him. Oh, why wouldn’t those Slytherin wankers take him to Madame Pomfrey where he belonged, where she could see him, read to him, do all the things that he did for her?

Since that piece of news Lily had hunted up Urania after every meal, giving her all of Severus’ favourite foods, telling her what stories he liked so the girl could tell them to him. And she waited, for sight of him, a letter from Cris, anything that would let her know her best friend wasn’t dying alone in a room full of people who cared nothing for him. Last night Lily had decided if Severus wasn’t either in class or the hospital wing by Monday morning then she was going to Dumbledore and not stirring from the headmaster’s office until he went and took Severus to Madame Pomfrey.

Now Severus had magically reappeared and her only goal was to find him. Alice said Ametus thought he was heading outside. Why Severus would go out there Lily didn’t know. She had assumed the first place he would turn up would be the library or the potions room, or someplace similar. Not that she cared; it would just make it a little harder to find him. But an exhaustive search of the courtyard and the area by the lake failed to produce him.

Reluctantly, she headed towards the forest, Lily knew Severus went in there from time to time to collect potion ingredients and be alone but it wasn’t a place she particularly wanted to search for him in. She momentarily considered just sitting outside of the entrance to the Slytherin common room and waiting for him but knew she didn’t have the patience to sit there for hours.

Rounding the corner of the castle, she was met with a sickeningly familiar sight. A cluster of students was gathered around a boy hanging upside down over a mocking figure. Another angry figure was stalking up the lawn towards her. Lily had only just begun to move again when Remus reached her.

“I tried to stop him, Lily.”

“Don’t worry Rem, I’ll take it from here.”

Remus looked a little worried but nodded in response before continuing his trek in the other direction. Lily was blind angry. How dare they pick on Severus when he had just gotten over being sick, was probably still sick. Having reached the edge of the crowd, she began pushing her way to the front, many people falling back as they saw the expression on her face.

Much to her surprise when she reached the clearing at the centre of the group it was not James, but Sirius who was doing the taunting.

“…slimy little Death Eater want to be like you.”

“Let – him – go.” Lily’s voice was dark and dangerous as she spoke the words.

An evidentially shocked James turned to face her. “Lily.”

“Potter. I said put him down, Black.”

“James take your girlfriend and get her out of here.”

Lily cast a quick look at James, who had the good grace to look embarrassed, before turning her attention back to the casually elegant figure in front of her. “And leave you to torture my best friend? I don’t think so. You have until the count of three to lower him and then I start hexing.”

“Come off it Evans you’ve never hexed anyone in your life.”

“So you’re just assuming I’ve learned nothing from Sev?”

A look, perhaps of fear or maybe of shock, flickered through Black’s grey eyes. “You wouldn’t.”

“Try me… ONE…!”

“Lily.” James reached out and softly touched her arm.

“Don’t you dare touch me, Potter. I don’t even want to look at you right now… TWO…!”

“Padfoot.”

“Evans come on he’s a greasy…”

“You should stop right there Black… THR…”

“Libercorpus.” Black muttered with a flick of his wrist.

Severus fell to the ground with a resounding thud, his head hitting the ground with amazing force.

“Get out of here.”

“Evans I’m doing you a favour. He’ll just drag you down with him.”

“That’s my business isn’t it?”

“Not now you’re my best friend’s girlfriend.”

“In case you missed it Black one date does not mean someone is your girlfriend. But you’re an expert on that, aren’t you?”

“Lily?” James sounded distressed.

“Just leave.”

“Evans.”

“NOW!” her voice carried out across the lawn and birds flew up from the surrounding trees.

The few people who had remained to watch the scene fled. James was the last to leave, walking away reluctantly, dejection showing in every step. Not until the group was several meters away did Lily put her wand away and turn to check on Severus. To Lily’s surprise he had gotten up and was now walking unsteadily in the other direction. He had covered an unexpectedly large amount of ground in a short period of time. Indeed he had almost reached the cover of the forest.

“Sev!”

She thought he wavered for a moment but then his back straightened and his steps became firmer. Oh Merlin what had they told him? Lily began to run in his direction.

“Sev, please wait.”

But he still didn’t stop. Oh this was so very, very bad. She should have hexed Black. Picking up her pace a little she finally caught up with him, grabbing his arm.

“Sev.” The pain in her voice astounded even her.

Ever so slowly he turned to face her. If eyes were the windows to the soul then Severus’ was utterly destroyed. “Is it true?” he gagged out.

“Is what true?”

“Are you and Potter…? Are you his…?”

Lily shook her head violently. “No, we went on a date Sev. One date.”

“Did you…?” he stopped, shut his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Did I what?” He just stood there, saying nothing. She could see the struggle raging in him. “Sev?”

Slowly his eyes opened, almost as if he wanted to not look at her but was driven to by a force greater than himself. “Did you kiss him?”

There was no point in lying. “Yes.”

He gave a great shutter and turned away. She clutched tightly at his arm. He tried to pull it away but she held tighter. This wasn’t how this was meant to go. “Sev, you have to listen to me. It’s not…”

“I can’t, Lily. Please, I need to be alone right now.” His voice was so rough, so brittle and hurt that it broke her heart.

She couldn’t let him go, not like this. She couldn’t let him think she had decided irrevocably on James Potter. Reaching up she turned his head firmly to hers; the dark eyes were swimming with unshed tears. Without thinking she rose up on her toes and pressed her lips to his. At first he simply stood there, clearly as stunned as she was by her bold action. Seconds later his body shifted, one arm wrapping around her waist and pulling her tightly to him, his other hand tangling itself in her hair. Then his mouth began to move, opening slowly, his tongue caressing her lips gently, beseeching her for entry. Willingly she acceded and her whole world exploded.

Lily had never known a kiss could be so complex, that it could say so many things all at once. This one was tender yet firm, loving, ardent and yet indescribably insecure. If James’ kiss was nice then Severus’ was mind reeling. If his arms hadn’t been holding her up she was convinced she would have crumpled to the ground her knees were so weak.

The kiss stretched endlessly, until the entire world fell away and there was only the two of them. She sighed against his lips contentedly causing him to pull back slightly. Moaning in protest she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him back in, unwilling to break the contact between them. She felt him smile seconds before their lips met again. Lily never wanted the moment to end and would have happily stood there snogging him for all eternity, but the sound of advancing voices made her breakaway.

Taking his hand in hers, she led him a little way into the forest, stopping when she came to a small clearing. Confident they were now out of sight she rose up to meet him once again, but the kiss that followed was far too brief. Only seconds had passed before Severus pulled away.

“Why did you do that?” he asked.

“What?” Of all the stupid times for him to want to talk.

“Bring me in here.”

“I assumed you wouldn’t want an audience…Sev.” She knew she had said his name just right, filled with longing, because even though there was the slightest hint of doubt in his eyes he willingly bent his head to hers.

Moments later he pulled away again. “Lily are you ashamed?”

“Of?”

“What we’re doing? Of…”

Laughingly she cut him off. “No. I’ve been aching for you to snog me since Christmas.” Reaching up she ran her finger lightly over his bottom lip.

Severus smiled broadly and pulled her tight to him. The things he did with his tongue sent shivers up and down her spine and a warmth coursing through her body. She knew they had to stop; otherwise they were going to end in going much further then she was prepared to at the moment. Reluctantly she drug her lips away from him.

“Sev, I need to stop for a minute.”

He nodded. His hand slipped from her hair, ran along her cheek and down the length of her neck. Oh Merlin it was tempting to take up where they had just left off. His breathing was shallow and laboured she noted with some worry.

“Are you alright?”

“Perfect.”

“Urania told me you were sick.”

“I think I’m better now.” The joy radiating from him was undeniable. She simply couldn’t resist kissing him again.

When they next broke away, both of them were panting for air and Lily felt vaguely dizzy.

“Who on earth taught you to kiss like that?” She inquired as she threw herself under the closest tree, her legs unable to support her for another moment.

“No one, it’s just natural talent I guess.” He was blushing deeply and Lily found it adorable.

She held out her hand to him. “Come sit with me.”

Severus crossed to where she was in two long strides.

“Sev, have you snogged many girls?”

“No.”

“Good. I’m not sure I want it spread around how fantastic you are at it. I don’t know if I could handle all the competition.”

“You have no competition.” This time his lips were soft and gentle. There was just the slightest hint of pressure on her own but the feeling of his breath was intoxicating, she had to have more. Lily squirmed closer, willing him to deepen the contact but the light little drops continued.

“Are you teasing me?” She finally breathed.

“No.”

“Then kiss me properly.”

His mouth came down firmly on hers. Before she knew it she was laying on the ground, Severus half covering her body with his own. His hand was wandering up her side, coming to rest just under her right breast.  She shifted slightly and he shuttered, pulling away from her quickly.

“Lily, I have to stop for a bit.” He declared, coming to rest in a sitting position next to her.

For the first time Lily noticed how pale and wan he looked. And he had a distinctly undernourished appearance.

“Oh Sev, you should be in the hospital wing not out here snogging me.” She scrambled to her feet, determined to take him to Madame Pomfrey and get him better. At least this time she would be able to help take care of him. “Come on.”

“Lily.” His hand reached up and caught hers; gently he tugged her back to the ground. “I don’t need the hospital wing.”

She opened her mouth to object but he stopped her with the lightest of kisses. “I’ll be as good as new once I’ve had a decent night’s sleep and few good meals, promise.”

“Didn’t you get the food I sent you?”

He shook his head slowly “I don’t…”

“I gave Urania food to give you after every meal, all your favourite things.”

“That was…? Yes, she gave it to me. Thank you, Lil.” Reaching out he pulled her into his arms and dropped a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

Lily shifted until her back was pressed to his chest, her arms resting on top of his. “I hate that I wasn’t there to take care of you.”

“I heard.”

“How?”

“Cris. I got a letter yesterday demanding I take my arse to the hospital wing because you were so frantic. You know I hate going there so I figured that it was time to get better. Especially since Cris said you were afraid I had died and were threatening all sorts of insanity.”

“Remind me to kiss Cris the next time I see him.” Lily wasn’t able to see Severus’ face from her position under his chin but she felt him swallow hard and didn’t have the heart to tease him for too long. “A nice sisterly kiss, on the cheek.”

His arms tightened around her and it was a fervent kiss he placed on her crown.

“Speaking of kisses.” Lily laced her fingers in his. “I have a little favour to ask you.”

He squeezed her fingers tightly. “Go on.”

“It turns out that quite a lot of people were under the impression you and I were a couple.”

“Really?”

“Really. So when I went to Hogsmeade with James they assumed we had split up and…” Severus was growing steadily tenser; Lily could feel it in the way he held her. “Well, if people find out about today they’re either going to think I’m the world’s biggest slag or you’re an idiot of epic proportions.”

“Lil.”

She couldn’t stop, not now, she had to get this out or she would burst. “So is it okay with you if we maybe wait a little while to tell people about us? I wouldn’t want everyone at school to think you’re some sort of mug who lets his girlfriend run around on him.”

Slowly Severus pulled away from her. Lily turned to meet his hope filled eyes. “Are you my girlfriend Lily?”

“Only if you want me to be.”

Joy flooded his face. “Yes. Oh God, yes.”

This time when his lips claimed hers the kiss spoke only of victory.


	32. Secrets

Lily woke the next morning feeling distinctly giddy. When she rolled over, she saw the room was already empty and, unable to resist, squealed happily into her pillow. She couldn’t believe the decision had turned out to be so simple, all those months of questioning and vacillating and one snog had given her the answer. Reaching into her bedside cabinet, she pulled out the picture of her and Severus. She carefully propped it up against a few books and stared hard at the boy who was staring at her. Her stomach squirmed. The picture had caught him at his best angle, making him look handsomer than usual. She knew most people wouldn’t call him good looking, he certainly wouldn’t but she thought so and since he was her boyfriend it was her opinion that mattered the most.

Her boyfriend. Severus Snape was her boyfriend; she was his girlfriend. She really couldn’t stop smiling. Her mum was right, being with Severus was worth the risk, just snogging him would have been worth the risk. Lily’s fingers drifted to her lips. Even now she couldn’t believe he was such an amazing kisser. If she had known that she would have grabbed him and snogged him months ago.

Lily had to admit she was still curious about who else he had kissed. There was no way that was his first go, he was just too good at it not have had some practice. Lily felt a twinge of jealousy at the thought of another girl putting her lips on Severus. She mentally ran through all the girls in Slytherin. It had to be one of them, until recently, Severus hadn’t been well thought of outside his house. Lily tried to remember if she had ever seen him slip off with another girl but the only girls he was ever around on his own were her and Urania.

Oh Lord, had Severus snogged Urania Burke?  Urania had all but implied that was the case when they spoke last week, smiling smugly at Lily when she had asked if she could see him. The idea of Severus kissing Urania was sickening. Oh well, at least Burke would now know there was no way she would end up with her tutor. Except Lily had asked him not to tell anyone they were together, which meant Urania would continue to simper over Severus. Suddenly Lily didn’t care what people thought of her. She was going to find Severus and tell him she had changed her mind. She wanted everyone to know they were together, that Severus Snape and Lily Evans were a couple, especially Urania Burke.

Lily scurried out of bed and rummaged through her trunk looking for clothes. That was when she remembered they had their apparition test today. She held up a pair of jeans and a linen skirt, feeling the weight of them in her hands. She wondered if it were better to wear something lightweight to take the test, because suddenly it felt as if the jeans weighed a million stones. Dropping the clothes on her bed she crossed to the mirror and gazed at herself. She knew it sounded crazy but Lily thought her hair looked a little lighter after the last few lessons and her eyebrows were definitely not as thick. She even thought there were a few less freckles across her nose, though she supposed that was a good thing.

Lily’s euphoria at being with Severus diminished slightly. Why hadn’t she asked what happened if you failed the test? Could you splinch yourself so badly the ministry couldn’t put you right again? The sound of laughter drifted up the stairs. From the sound of it, her three roommates were on their way back from breakfast. Perhaps she could ask them.

Alice burst through the door laughing happily. “…and then Frank told him he looked dashing and should wear the hat all the time.”

“Oh, that’s wicked. He didn’t really listen did he?” Mary’s eyes sparkled with mirth.

“Please, I thought Fabian would glue that stupid hat to his head. His sister, Molly, about killed Frank.”

“Wish I could have seen that.”

“You should come round this summer. Cousin Fabian is quite handsome, not as handsome as his brother, but Gideon is a little too impulsive for you, I think. Morning, Lily.”

“Good morning, Alice. Morning, Mary.”

“Morning,” returned Mary sharply.

Lily chose to ignore Mary’s brusque manner. She would be happy enough as soon as she knew James Potter was back on the market. “Do you think it matters what we wear for the apparition test?”

“I don’t think they're going to score on your fashion sense, no,” replied Alice with an indulgent smile.

“I meant, do you think it’s easier to apparate in lighter clothes?”

“Lily, you must have apparated dozens of times by now.”

“Into a hoop five feet in front of me, not across an entire village where you can’t see where you’re going. What happens if we don’t pass today?

Sabrina answered as she came in the room. “Then you can go take the test again later.”

“How many times?”

“I don’t know. How many do you think you’ll need?”

“About a million,” Lily answered as she climbed into her jeans and a light linen shirt.

“Lily, you’ll be fine and this should actually be easier since we know Hogsmeade so well. Usually they just give you a random place,” chimed in Alice.

“Have any of you thought about how crazy this all is?”

“What do you mean?” questioned Sabrina as the foursome left the room.

“First lesson, Twycross gives us about ten seconds of instruction and then tells us to apparate. Now, after months of popping into a hoop directly in front of us, the ministry expects us to be able to cross the whole country with no concern. Doesn’t that seem a little odd to you? I mean shouldn’t we at least have to apparate across the village or something first?”

Sabrina shrugged. “I suppose I hadn’t really thought about it. I’ve done I don’t know how many side-alongs with my dad.”

“Once again a time where being a muggleborn is a serious disadvantage.”

“I can’t ever understand why you and Mary go on about that so much.”

“Because Alice…” Mary broke into the conversation for the first time since saying good morning earlier. “there are times when it helps to have advanced knowledge.”

“But it’s not as if Alice or I had ever apparated on our own before the start of lessons and Lily actually managed to do it before either of us. So, see, no advantage.”

“Yes, but both you and Alice are clearly calmer than either Mary or I so, advantage.”

“What about Severus?” asked Sabrina.

Lily felt her ears turning slightly red at the memory of what had happened in the forest yesterday. “What about him?”

“Please Lily, you’ve been best friends with the smartest person in school since you were two or something…”

“Nine.”

“Whatever, and you’re trying to tell all of us you didn’t know about apparating before you got to Hogwarts?”

Lily wished Sabrina wouldn’t look so smug, though it was better than the close scrutiny she was getting from Mary and Alice. “Okay, yes, Severus told me about apparating.”

“And everything else under the sun I’m willing to bet.”

“But he didn’t even do a side-along until last summer. So he couldn’t tell me what it felt like.”

“Assuming he would even tell the truth,” Mary muttered under her breath.

Lily spun around. “My bo – best friend does not lie to me!”

“That’s what he tells you anyway.”

“What exactly is your problem, Mary? Severus has never done anything to you. As a matter of fact, he’s kept his housemates from doing more on several occasions, not that you appreciate that! Is it because of James? If you fancy Potter so much then do something about it instead of taking out your frustration on people who don’t deserve it!”

Lily whipped back around and stalked down the stairs. Great now she was angry and nervous. At this rate she’d be lucky not to sick up all over her tester.

Severus mounted the stairs to the entrance hall feeling more cheerful then he had in his entire life. Part of him couldn’t believe what had happened yesterday and he half expected to wake up this morning and find it had all been a glorious dream. But there on the bedside cabinet was the flower Lily had slipped into his pocket the night before. She had been thrilled to find the small cluster of forget-me-nots on the edge of the forest and had laughingly plucked one for him, stating that since he had given her a whole bracelet of them she owed him at least one. Severus had pulled her back behind a tree to show his appreciation and it had been many minutes before they had resumed their walk back up to the castle.

Last night still felt vaguely surreal to him. He knew Lily had talked him into going to have dinner, he had planned to go back to the dorm and drift in the cloud of euphoria that was surrounding him. But Lily had stated very firmly that if he didn’t eat she was taking him to the hospital wing, by force if necessary. The hospital wing meant he wouldn’t be able to see her for the rest of the night at the very least and perhaps longer if Madame Pomfrey really held her ground. So he took himself to the Slytherin table and sat on a bench facing her, thrilled to see she had done the same. He ate absentmindedly, never once taking his eyes from her, and tasting nothing he put in his mouth. Delight filled his soul every time she looked at him, smiled and blushed.

This morning he had skipped breakfast, even though he knew Lily would be upset, and munched on a pile of biscuits while he wrote a victorious letter to Cris detailing the events of the last week. Severus thought his heart would burst with joy when he wrote Lily was now officially his girlfriend. He was going to owl the letter as soon as they got back from their apparition test, that was if he couldn’t get to a phone in the meantime. The letter and scrap of parchment with Cris’ number crackled pleasantly in his pocket. He couldn’t wait to tell someone about what had happened.

Because if there was any sort of fly in the ointment it was that he wasn’t able to tell anyone his news. Severus was still debating on how he truly felt about keeping the relationship a secret. He didn’t care what people thought of him, if they wanted to think he was the type of man who would let his girlfriend cheat on him then so be it. But the idea anyone would think Lily was the type of girl who would do such a thing was galling. He honestly didn’t want to damage her reputation it was just he had worked so hard, waited so long to be with her that now they were together it was hard to know he couldn’t tell anyone.

Just like it was hard to look at her at this moment and know that he simultaneously could and couldn’t kiss her, not that Severus was given to huge displays of public affection. He doubted strongly if he would ever grab Lily and snog her breathless in front of the entire school, but it would be nice to cross the hall and give her a light kiss, to stand by her side and hold her hand. Okay, that wasn’t entirely truthful, just once, one time he would love to snog her senseless in front of Potter. He was petty enough to admit to himself he would love to see the look on the eeject’s face when Potter saw how Lily clung to him. But seeing as how he was the one Lily had chosen, it would probably behove him to take the high road though it was a grand mental image and one he planned to keep for a while, especially since Potter was hovering dangerously close to his girlfriend.

A thrill raced up Severus’ spine at the thought of the word and he had to fight the impulse to grin like an absolute dolt. Lily, on the other hand, didn’t look like she wanted to grin in the least; in fact, she looked to be a combination of furious and anxious. Severus had to wonder what had happened to make her be in such a state. He crossed the hall to her swiftly.

“Good morning, Lily.” He tried to keep the caress out of his voice as he said her name but wasn’t sure he had entirely succeeded.

Lily whirled around and looked up at him with apprehensive eyes. “Why did I let you talk me into this?”

Severus swallowed hard, he had no idea what she was talking about, but as long as she didn’t regret yesterday he could deal with it.

“I don’t need to apparate.” Severus let out the breath he’d been holding at her words. “I can use a broom, or that powder stuff you told me about or maybe I can even talk to mum about getting a car.”

Severus held back a chuckle, it was like Lily to get so worked up about something so minor. “You’ll be fine. You know what you’re doing.”

“Do I? Are you sure? What if I splinch myself into a million….”

“Lil, you need to calm down and breathe.”

“Sev, tell me truthfully, can you splinch yourself so badly they can’t fix you?”

“Not to the best of my knowledge.”

“What if I just disappear forever?”

“We went over this months ago, you can’t disappear and never turn up again.” Lily looked unconvinced. He gently took her by the arms. “Look at me.”

Her green eyes met his black ones. “Now breathe.”

She took a shaky breath in as he ran his hands up and down her arms. “I’ll tell you what, you take your test first and if you fail, I won’t take mine at all, that way we’ll still be on the same page.”

“Really?”

“Really. I’ll wait and test with you whenever you’re ready.”

Her eyes were filling with longing and her voice was soft and admiring when she spoke, “you’re the best, you know that, don’t you?”

“You might have mentioned it.” His own voice was husky and rough.

Severus could see Lily rising up on her toes. Maybe they were done with the secret already.

“Who is Evans with exactly, Snape or Potter?” whispered Lydia Redmill loudly as she passed by.

Nathaniel laughed. “I think she’s stringing them both along and if they put up with it then they’re both daft. Either that or she’s one hell of a shag.”

“Slut,” Lydia drawled before both she and Beddingfield burst in to laughter.

Severus heard Sirius Black growl under his breath and for once he agreed. He had half turned to tell Beddingfield precisely where he could stick his opinions but Lily’s arms stopped him. He knew she hadn’t intended to hug him only moments before but he relaxed into her embrace and as surreptitiously as possible kissed her close to the ear.

They hadn’t been hugging for more than a second when Sabrina began to splutter. “The hypocrite! She’s calling someone else a slut? That back-stabbing, boyfriend stealing, shag anyone in a broom closet slag! But then I guess that’s what boys want isn’t it? They wouldn’t want…Do they care if you cry yourself to sleep every night? Or if your heart is breaking into a million pieces? No, not so long as they’re hap…” Sabrina burst into hysterical sobs and fled towards the nearest toilet.

“Oh, Merlin.” Lily pushed away from Severus and along with the other two Gryffindor girls raced after the sobbing figure.

“I thought she was over Beddingfield,” squeaked Peter.

“It’s not about Beddingfield,” James interjected sadly.

“Moony.” Remus looked startled as Sirius addressed him. “Go talk to her, mate. She’s crazy about you. You don’t know how lucky you are to have that.”

Remus looked devastated as he shook his head. “I should have stopped talking to her months ago.”

“No, you should have started talking to her. Tell her the truth, at least give her the chance. Come on Remus, you’re both miserable and no matter how it turns out it can’t be any worse than this,” James suggested.

“I…I…” Remus was looking frantically at the other three boys.

Severus stared off in the other direction, not sure how the rest of the group would react to him saying anything. Privately he thought Potter was right, which was shocking in and of its self, Remus should give Sabrina the chance to accept or reject him instead of making the choice for her.

“I can’t tell her,” Remus whispered, clearly close to losing control “I can’t stand the idea of her being revolted by me.”

“So, it’s better if she hates you because you broke her heart? Remus, that’s just stupid,” Sirius persisted.

Lupin said nothing in response but after a long look at each of them trudged away slowly.

“I hope he’s going to talk to her,” James said sadly as he watched the figure walk towards the ladies.

“Me too. Well, guess I had better get myself to detention.” Sirius threw Severus a disgruntled look and shuffled away.

James didn’t bother to say anything as he turned his back on Severus and joined a group of Hufflepuffs. Severus pulled his copy of Ivanhoe from his pocket and began to read, keeping one eye on the book and the other on the hall Lily had disappeared down.

Lily sped after Sabrina, from behind her, she could hear the sounds of her roommates trying desperately to catch up. Sabrina reached the loo and Lily sprinted through the opening just as Sabrina prepared to slam the door shut.

“Get out, Lily.”

Lily was bent over trying to catch her breath. “No,” she gasped.

The door began to push inward and Sabrina hastily shoved it closed again and locked it firmly. “Lily, I really want to be alone.”

“I know you do.”

“Then go.”

“Sabrina, sitting in the loo bawling over Remus isn’t going to solve anything.”

“Do you think I don’t know that?”

“Then what exactly are you doing?”

“Trying to get over him. You’ll have to forgive me if I’m not as quick about it as you are.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Lily could feel her temper rising.

“Look at you, one minute you’re plastered all over Severus and the next you’re snogging James’ face off in front of the entire common room. Just because we don’t all get over someone that quickly doesn’t mean we’re pathetic or something.”

“I have never plastered myself all over Severus! Nor did I snog James’ face off! I went on one date with James and kissed him for half a second. Why can’t anyone see that? And if Sev doesn’t care then what business is it of anyone else’s what may or may not have happened between me and James?”

“Are you saying you cheated on Severus?” Sabrina sounded stunned.

“No, we weren’t together then.”

“But you are now?”

Lily wondered how they had gotten so off track, but the conversation appeared to be helping Sabrina calm down so she may as well keep going. “Yes.”

“Since when?”

“Yesterday.”

“I don’t understand, if you fancied Severus so much why did you go on a date with James?”

Lily sighed and slid down the wall. “I was an idiot.” She smiled ruefully at Sabrina, who came to sit next to her. “Seriously, I didn’t know I fancied Sev that much. I’ve actually spent the better part of this term deciding who I fancied more, James or Severus.”

“I could have answered that for you months ago. A blind, deaf and dumb ignoramus could have told you you thought Severus hung the moon.”

“Well, thanks for sharing that piece of information with me.”

“Lily, I thought the two of you were already a couple. Honestly, you’re always together, making private jokes, exchanging little inside quips, and neither of you can take your eyes off the other. You seemed to be floating in the same cloud of blissful coupledom Frank and Alice are always in. The only thing I couldn’t figure out was why you weren’t telling any of us what was going on.”

“Sorry, no cloud until yesterday.”

“What made you decide?”

“The truth?” Sabrina’s dark curls bounced as she nodded. “We kissed, and it felt so right I knew I didn’t want to kiss anyone else, ever.”

Sabrina let out a bright laugh. “You are blushing so badly.”

Lily couldn’t stop herself from giggling. “I probably am.”

“And you’re happy now?”

Lily didn’t want to answer, didn’t want to rub Sabrina’s nose in her joy. Not when her friend was so dreadfully unhappy.

“I – mostly. I still have to find a way to tell James and everyone else as well, I suppose. Some way that doesn’t make it seem like I was leading James on or cheating on Sev. I would hate it if people thought Sev was a pushover. And the prospect of telling James he has no hope is…”

“Do it, Lily. That way he isn’t sitting around waiting on you when he has no prospect of happiness. Trust me when I tell you it’s not a good place to be.”

“Brina, Rem really does fancy you.”

Sabrina let out a scoff, “does he really?”

“Yes.”

“So he fancies me, just not enough to do anything about it?”

Never before had Lily considered breaking her word and spilling someone else’s secret but this time she was sorely tempted. “The thing about Remus is…”

The girl looked at her, half hopeful half wary. The big brown eyes made Lily think of Remus and how betrayed he would feel if she told the girl sitting next to her about his affliction. She couldn’t do it, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t make the road a little smoother for them. “You know he’s in poor health.”

“I don’t understand what that has to do with how he feels about me.”

Lily heaved a sigh. “When we talked about it, about you…”

Sabrina looked surprised by the news that Lily and Remus had talked about her and seemed to prepared to fire off a slew of questions. But Lily gave her no time to interject. “He told me he’s worried about how the illness would affect you, both as a person and as a couple. So, he can’t bring himself to do anything. Believe me, Brina, he’s not with you because he cares. I know that might not make a lot of sense to you or me but it does to him and he can’t get past it.”

Sabrina’s voice was timid when she spoke “How sick is he? I know he’s told you.”

Lily tried to think of a proper way to describe Remus’ condition without giving too much away. “It won’t kill him, but it certainly is life altering, and it’s a big thing to ask someone to deal with.”

“So he thinks I couldn’t handle it?” Sabrina sounded angry and insulted, which Lily thought was better than feeling sorry for herself.

“No, I think he feels you shouldn’t have to.”

“Shouldn’t that be my choice to make?”

“Yes, it should and I have told him that. He’s so terrified he’s going to end in hurting you that he just does nothing.”

“Because what he’s doing now doesn’t hurt?”

“I’m sure it does.”

“What do I do? I try to get over him. I’ve been trying for ages but it doesn’t seem to work.”

“Brina, how long have you fancied Rem?”

“I don’t know, I suppose off and on since about fourth year.”

Lily felt her eyes widen in shock. How had they been able to carry on like this for the better part of two years? She was about to tell Sabrina to just force the issue when someone pounded on the door.

“Use the other toilet!” Sabrina called out.

“Please let us in, Sabrina.” Alice requested.

“No, I’m fine with just Lily.”

Lily could hear a muffled conversation going on on the other side of the door in response to Sabrina’s retort. She wondered how long her roommate was willing to stay in the loo. Another knock, this time a gentle one, kept her from asking.

“Go away, Alice!”

“Sabrina, it’s Remus. Please let me in.”

Of all the things Lily had expected to have happen this one didn’t even make the list. “I don’t want to talk to you right now!” Sabrina called to him.

There was a long pause before the voice on the other side of the door answered, “Brina, please.”

“Sabrina, talk to him, it has to be better than not knowing. Besides, he sounds miserable.”

“Good, I’m glad,” Sabrina huffed.

“You don’t mean that.”

Lily could see Sabrina fighting back the tears she had only just managed to stop.

“Oh, just open it magically.” snapped Mary’s impatient voice.

“I’m letting them in before she blows the door off the hinges.” Lily declared emphatically as she rose from the floor.

She had reached the door and was turning the lock when she heard Sabrina whisper urgently, “Just Remus. And you have to stay.”

Lily sighed, she doubted anything would be solved with her standing there, but since Sabrina’s voice already sounded strained beyond belief she nodded and finished turning the lock. Popping her head outside she saw the hall was crowded with people who were looking at the three Gryffindors with unconcealed fascination.

“Only Remus.”

The boy swallowed hard and squeezed through the narrow opening Lily had created. She smiled at Alice and Mary before pulling the door close and locking it once again. Turning, she saw Remus standing directly in front of Sabrina, looking down at her despairingly.

“Sabrina come take your apparition test.”

The girl wiped the few remaining tears from her cheeks before answering. “I think I’ll wait until the summer, thanks all the same.”

Lily bit her bottom lip and waited to see how he would respond.

“Please come, I want you to come.” He looked pleadingly into the brown eyes staring up at him.

“And why would that be?” the girl bit back.

Remus stood staring for a long time and when he finally spoke his voice was tight with suppressed emotion. “You know why.”

“No, I don’t think I do.”

“I enjoy your company.”

“Not good enough anymore.”

Lily could tell Remus was wounded, both by the words and the tone in which they were said. He sighed and ran his hands wearily over his face before sinking down on his knees in front of Sabrina and taking her hands in his. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“But you are.”

“I’m trying not to, believe me.”

Sabrina’s eyes seemed fixated on the clasped hands. “Tell me you don’t fancy me.”

“What?” The boy sounded baffled.

She slowly raised her gaze to meet his. “Tell me you don’t fancy me and I’ll let this go forever.”

Ages seemed to pass before he answered in a voice so faint it could hardly be heard. “I can’t, you know I can’t.”

“Then why…?”

He raised a finger and gently pressed it to her lips. “Shhh. Just come take your test and I promise we’ll talk about it afterward. Please, I’ll feel even more guilty if you don’t.”

Considering Remus already looked like he had accidentally told a toddler there was no Father Christmas Lily couldn’t see how this would be possible.

“Okay,” Sabrina whispered.

Remus nodded and smiled forlornly at her before standing and holding out his hand to the girl on the floor. What happened next, Lily was never able to figure out. Perhaps Sabrina slipped on the tile floor or maybe she had just had enough and called the question in her own way or maybe Remus’ emotions got the better of him. Whatever the case, one moment, Sabrina was rising from the floor and the next she and Remus were crashing into the door of the cubicle opposite them, joined quite firmly at the lips.

Lily’s eyes widened at the sight of the couple clinging to each other for dear life and beat a hasty retreat. Mary and Alice rushed to meet her as she stumbled out of the door, Mary trying to dart around her to get in the room. Lily grabbed the girl’s arm.

“I think it’s best if we leave them alone for the time being.”

“Are they finally working things out?” Alice inquired.

“That would be one way of putting it.” Lily drew her wand and flicked it at the door, listening for the click of the lock. “So, let’s go take our apparition test.”

She firmly directed her steps away from the ladies room, Alice falling in step beside her and smiling knowingly.

Mary didn’t move a step, and called after them, “what about Sabrina and Remus?”

Lily could hardly suppress her laughter. “I don’t think they’re going to make it.”

Alice was apparently not under the same constraints as Lily and began chuckle. Mary shook her head and raced to catch up with the other two girls. Lily bounded up the steps in a much more relaxed frame of mind. She could practically hear her boyfriend sigh with relief when she emerged from the hallway. Thrusting the book he had been reading back into his pocket the moment he caught sight of her.

He was by her side before she had even registered the fact he had begun to move. Severus said nothing until Mary and Alice had passed by and joined the rest of their house members. “Is everything alright?”

“Hmmm.”

“Why do you look like the cat that ate the canary? And where are Sabrina and Remus?”

Lily smiled smugly at him and comprehension dawned in his eyes. She could see his mouth twitching and knew he was trying very hard not to laugh. “Is that so?”

“Oh yes. Very definitely so.” The thought of Sabrina and Remus clinging to one another caused her gaze to drift to his lips. She saw him glance around the hall, perhaps in the hope that they would suddenly find it deserted.

“Lil.”

“Yes.” when had her voice become so breathy?

“I think Alice wants you.”

Lily turned and saw Alice motioning to them from amidst the group of Gryffindors. Lily shook her head and waved at them to go on ahead, indicating that they were going to wait for their tardy friends. Alice spoke to the rest of the group quickly and they moved away. James Potter looked back over his shoulder at her and Severus as he moved away almost as if he were half tempted to stay in the hall and wait himself.

Lily could feel Severus’ gaze boring into her.  She turned and he smiled at her mischievously, nodding towards a tapestry a little way down the hall. She returned his smile and followed him into the alcove the cloth hid. The instant the wall-hanging fell behind them his mouth claimed hers eagerly. She moaned and drew in closer, sliding her arms around him and clutching him tightly. One of the two of them, or maybe it was both of them, shivered. Lily was distantly aware of the sound of feet going by the tapestry, which stirred with the movement of the crowd. Severus pulled her further back into the darkness, never taking his lips from hers. Lily was beginning to suspect Sabrina and Remus weren’t the only ones who were going to miss their tests.

It wasn’t until the sound of Remus chuckling lightly as he went by reached them that Severus broke away.

 “Brina stop, we’re going to miss our test.”

“Good advice for us,” Severus whispered, his hand caressing her cheek lightly.

“I told you, I don’t care about apparating.” Lily rose up and pulled his head down to hers.

Severus pulled away after a swift kiss. “But I do and you will, so let’s go.”

His hand raised the tapestry and his head popped out to search the area. He quickly motioned to her and Lily ducked under his arm and into the corridor. Lily threw a smile over her shoulder at him and swanned down the hall casually as if she hadn’t just spent the last five minutes kissing Severus like mad. Severus laughed lowly before rushing after her, his hand lightly brushed hers when he reached her side. Up ahead of them, Remus and Sabrina where rushing to catch up with the rest of the crowd.

Impulsively, Lily grabbed Severus’ hand. “Come on. Let’s catch up.”

With one knowing look, they ran to catch up with the other couple, arriving slightly out of breath but laughing anyway. Lily took one look at Remus and Sabrina’s clasped hands and squealed gleefully. Sabrina was beaming ecstatically and the two girls hugged each other and jabbered incoherently.

“I’m so happy for you both!” Lily turned and gave Remus a hug. “I knew you’d come to your senses sooner or later.”

Remus flushed and looked at his shoes bashfully. “Not sure why she wants me, but…”

“Oh Rem, don’t be silly.” Sabrina chided, though her gaze was anything but reproachful. The boy’s arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her tightly to him.

“Should we leave you two alone again?” Lily laughed.

“No, I’ve been persuaded to go take my apparition test so I can see my boyfriend over the summer holidays.” Sabrina’s face glowed when she spoke Remus’ newly acquired title.

Lily had to wonder if she looked even half as elated when she and Severus were together. Lily looked up at him, and slipped her hand back into his. He hadn’t said a word yet but he was looking at the other pair happily enough.

“So…” Remus began slowly. “I take it from the hand holding we’re not the only new couple around?”

Lily and Severus simultaneously looked at their linked hands and then at one another. Lily wasn’t sure how she felt about telling everyone they were together in light of what Lydia and Nathaniel had said about Severus being daft. But Remus could keep a secret and she had the overwhelming desire to share her happiness with the two people in front of her, so she nodded slightly.

Severus eyes were worshipfully locked on her when he answered, “No, Lily has graciously agreed to be my girlfriend.”

Sabrina laughed. “I feel like we’re in a Dickens novel all of a sudden.”

Severus looked a little perplexed. Lily squeezed his hand tightly “Dearest, I think you can just tell people we’re dating.”

Instantly, Severus’ look of confusion faded and was replaced by shock. Though whether it was from the use of the endearment or her statement that he could tell people about them she didn’t know.

Remus gaze flickered from one to the other. “I’m happy for you both, truly. But…” Severus’ hand tightened around Lily’s. “Well, maybe it would be better if I had a little time to prepare James. Ever since the two of you went to Hogsmeade Lily, he’s been over the moon. Seeing you and Severus together and so obviously blissfully happy might be hard if he has no forewarning.”

“That’s fine. We don’t want to hurt anyone do we, Sev?”

Lily could tell Severus didn’t care about sparing James Potter’s feelings in the least, but to his credit he quickly suppressed whatever animosity he had towards James and said, “I already agreed to wait to tell people, so take whatever time you need.”

“Within reason,” Lily quickly added.

“Thanks. You know, Severus, you’re a nicer person than people give you credit for.”

“Just don’t spread it around too much, Remus. I’ve got a reputation.”

“Hmm, heaven forbid people think you’re anything other than the brooding cynic,” Lily quipped.

“It worked for you.”

Lily laughed and gave Severus a quick peck on the lips. “That’s what I’m worried about.”

“Aww, you two are so cute.” Sabrina exclaimed hugging Remus’ arm in her excitement.

“Well, I hate to break up this love fest but if we don’t get to the village soon I won’t be able to see Brina all summer. Not all of us are lucky enough to live around the corner from our girlfriend.” Remus blushed and gazed contentedly at Sabrina.

“Hogsmeade? Apparition tests are held at the ministry in London.” Severus was genuinely confused.

“Oh Sev, I thought I told you, the testing has been moved to Hogsmeade because of the attacks.”

“What attacks?”

“Lily didn’t you tell Severus anything yesterday?” Remus questioned.

She could feel the blush starting at the base of her feet and working its way up to her hairline. “We were otherwise occupied.”

“Merlin, you both talk like a Dickens novel, definitely a match made in heaven.”

“Brina.” Remus leaned in and kissed her lightly before heading out of the gates and down the track towards Hogsmeade. He then turned and looked at Severus “There have been at least three attacks in the last week.”

“Where?”

“One in Oxfordshire, one in the Cotswolds and one in London.”

Lily was amazed at how quickly the mood had shifted, she could almost feel the light heartedness seeping away. Severus was deathly serious when he asked, “Death Eaters?”

Remus’ was equally solemn when he answered, “there were marks at two of the scenes but not the third.”

“How many dead?”

“Reports vary. Some say ten, others upwards of twenty.”

Sabrina gave a small sniffle and Lily clung to Severus’ hand a trifle tighter. He could only shake his head. “All muggleborns?”

Lily knew each attack increased his concern for her, and she dreaded what his reaction would be to the reality. “There were muggleborns at two of the houses. But…. they killed the McCulloughs, all of them, even the baby.”

Severus stopped in shock. “The McCulloughs are purebloods.”

“I know.”

“I never thought…” Severus let go of Lily’s hand and wandered off the side of the road and into the forest. Several feet in, he dropped down on a fallen tree and buried his head in his hands.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything,” said Remus sadly.

“No, Rem, he would have found out sooner or later.” Lily stated as she followed Severus into the woods. It didn’t take her long to find him. “Sev…”

“They didn’t tell me…Lucius said it was just…” His head shot up and he looked her in the eye. “Lucius told me they were going to make it so we wouldn’t have to hide, so we could live in the open. Everyone who was magical, who could trace themselves back, would be fine. I never thought… I knew You-Know –Who was against mixed marriages but…”

She sat down next to him and wrapped her arm around him. “You come from a mixed marriage.”

Severus chose not to comment on his parent’s marriage; instead he gripped her hand tightly. “Lily, I swear to you, no one ever told me we were going to kill babies. I would have never, ever …You know that don’t you?” He looked panicked, overwhelmed and completely disillusioned.

Lily brushed a lock of hair back from his face and kissed his forehead. “I know. That’s why you would have been a horrid Death Eater. You could never be that heartless.”

“Was everything Lucius told me a lie? Was he ever my…?” Severus laughed darkly. “You were right, Lily. I was an…”

“Shh.” Lily pressed a finger to his lips. “You were trusting someone you thought was your friend.”

He grabbed her hand and pulled it down. “I was a fool!”

“No, Sev no.”

“Severus, it doesn’t matter what you believed then. You know the truth now and you’re getting out. That’s what’s important.” Severus looked startled by Remus’ statement. He was clearly unaware the other couple had followed them. Lily could feel him starting to shut himself off.

“Remus is right, Sev.”

“Is he?”

“Severus listening to them is not a sin. Perhaps it isn’t wise but it doesn’t make you one of them. And maybe you’re in a better position than any of us.” Lily could tell Remus had grabbed Severus attention.

“How is that?”

“Don’t you see? You have inside information. You know what they say, how they recruit, the lies they tell. You know how to fight them. So, fight, Severus! Fight against them! Don’t just get out and walk away.”

Lily thought Remus might be pushing a little too hard. While she had always hoped one day Severus would be willing to speak out against You-Know-Who and his followers it wasn’t something Lily had been willing to push. For the time being she was just happy he had seen the error of his ways and was leaving.

Severus sat in quiet contemplation, tearing up a fallen leaf for a long time before looking up at Remus.

“Did they find everyone or are there people missing?”

Sabrina gasped and even Lily was left to wonder how Severus had come upon that information.

“One of the elder Bones is missing. How did you know?”

 It was several moments before Severus spoke, evidently at war with himself. Finally, he glanced at Lily and appeared to reach a decision. “Last week, when I was sick, I overheard Avery and Mulciber talking. They said something about a hidden room where they were keeping someone.”

Remus jumped on the information swiftly. “Where?”

Severus stared at the ground, biting his lower lip in concentration. Finally, he shook his head. “I don’t remember. I was in a pretty bad state at the time, but give me a couple of days and I can find out.”

His face was set as he rose from the ground. Lily was positive her heart had stopped; surely Severus couldn’t be suggesting what she thought he was. “No.”

Severus looked down at her slowly. “Lily?”

“You – you told me traitors don’t make it.”

Three sets of eyes were now on Severus as he sank down on his knees in front of her. “They won’t know it was me. I can get it out of Mulciber without him even realizing what I’m doing.”

“No. You’re supposed to be getting yourself out, not playing spy.”

“Believe me, the last thing I want to be is a spy.”

“Remus, tell him he’s crazy!” Lily was shaking with fear. She couldn’t lose him now, not after all it had taken them to get to this moment.

“If Severus thinks he can help save Mr. Bones’ life then you should let him.” Sabrina interjected.

“No.” Lily shook her head. “No! I won’t let you do this, Severus! If they find out, they would – I don’t even want to think about what they would do to you.”

Severus reached out and took her hands in his. “Lily, they won’t find out. Mulciber’s an imbecile, trust me, he won’t even remember telling me. Besides if he knows, it’s not an incredibly well-kept secret.”

“Sev, Avery’s already mistrustful of you.”

“Well, he’s not so bright either. Is he?”

Lily pushed away from Severus, striding several steps away before looking at her two friends. “Will you talk some sense into him?”

“I think if he can get the information then he should. When you find out where they’re keeping him let me know. And I’ll figure out some way to get you to Dumbledore without them knowing.” Remus stated, at a look from Lily he hastily added “But if you get the slightest hint they suspect you, drop it.”

“Agreed.”

Lily could only look at the two boys tearfully.

“You should have been a Gryffindor.” Sabrina stated to Severus with awe.

“Thanks, but I think that this is a task that calls for a little old-fashioned Slytherin cunning.”

“Sev.” Lily’s worry was evident to all of them.

Severus strode to where she was and pulled her into his arms. The crunch of branches told her Remus and Sabrina were leaving them on their own, perhaps out of fear that the other couple were about to have a row.

Still Severus’ voice was little more than a whisper when he spoke. “I’ll be fine. Trust me. I have to make it right, Lil. I owe you that, for all the times I’ve let you down.” He pressed his lips firmly to her forehead.

Lily held him as close as she could. This was not a game she wanted them to play. She wanted to look at him and tell him he owed her nothing, that he had never let her down. But it would be a lie and they would both know it. “Sev.”

“It’s only one time.”

She knew he would do what he said he would, whether she wanted him to or not. She slowly nodded, unable to speak lest she start crying.

“Lily,” he whispered before leaning down to give her a light peck on the lips. As he pulled away, she drew his head back down towards hers. All the anxiety she felt, all her pride at the man he was becoming poured through her and into that kiss.

It wasn’t long before Severus pulled back and looked down at her. His tone was deliberately light hearted when he spoke. “You know, if we don’t hurry we’ll completely miss the apparition test. Frankly, I’m not sure I can handle you being so keyed up all summer. Plus, I’d like to be able to see my girlfriend occasionally during the holidays.”

Lily gave a little laugh and started back for the path. “You live less than two kilometres away from me.”

“Hmm, but you have to cross that pesky river.”

“There is that. But as it so happens I like to cross the river.”

“Lucky for me.”

Lily smiled up at him as they joined her housemates. “Okay, enough angst for one morning. Let’s get going so I can get the splinching over and done with.”

There was a general round of laughter and many comments on how she worried too much. But as they made their way into the village, Lily and Severus walking as far apart as they humanly could, she couldn’t help but think that one of these days her worrying might turn out to be an asset.

 


	33. Slytherin Cunning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said there would be no significant changes to plotlines or story details during the tweaking of the story but it turns out I fibbed a little. I have now changed Remus' story to more closely match what has been put up on Pottermore. So you'll notice his parent's names are now cannon correct as is how they met and their nationalities. This is not going to change anything really in how the story is going to unfold overall it just makes my story a tiny bit more cannon compliant. Obviously there will be a few other tweaks down the line to reflect this update in the story.   
> If you are just coming to this story for the first time you will have no idea what this note means. But suffice it to say once upon a time Remus Lupin's parents' backstory was very different.

Severus spent most of the rest of the walk down to the village wondering how he could get the information he needed out of Vincent. His primary concern was making sure he got the information in a way that guaranteed his own safety. His secondary concern was speed, he had to be quick because Archibald Bones had already been missing for four days and the likelihood he would be kept alive much longer was slim. If he was still alive at all.

Next to him, Lily was remarkably quiet. They had started walking with an absurd amount of space between them and the gap had slowly closed the longer they walked. They were now so close her arm brushed his as it swung back and forth. He knew her silence and closeness had nothing to do with worry about her apparition test. That fear was gone; replaced by worries about him. He wished he could take her concerns away. He knew she didn’t believe him when he said everything would be fine. Severus did truly believe he could get the information out of Vincent without too much fuss but Avery was turning out to be smarter than he let on. So somehow he was going to have to do this when Marius and Vincent were apart, a rare occurrence these days. Plus he had to get the information in a way that was so unremarkable Vincent would never think to mention it to Avery.

Lily gave a sigh and brushed her fingers against his. He briefly caught and held her index finger with his. They were close to the village and other students were wandering the street so he wasn’t able to hold on too long. There had been a moment, when they had been standing there with Remus and Sabrina, where he had come very close to telling her he didn’t want to keep their relationship a secret. But he didn’t want people to think Lily was a slag and even more importantly Severus didn’t know how Avery would react to the information. Already Marius and Vincent were telling Severus less and he could feel himself slowly being shut out of the group. He had been happy about that, but now he was going to have to find a way to push himself back in, at least temporarily and antagonizing Marius wouldn’t help with that.

He hoped Lily would understand, because the only way to get the information out of Mulciber was going to be if he thought Severus was firmly back in the ranks. How he was going convince his roommate of his renewed interest he wasn’t sure. He just knew he had to find a way.

Severus dreaded the idea of telling Lily what he was going to have to do. He hated when she was angry with him but he hated when she was disappointed in him even more. It was for that reason he was doing what he was, not joining the Death Eaters, trying to get this information. So she would be proud of him, so she could hold her head high when she told people they were together. Maybe that would make up for the fact he was never going to be rich or famous.  Would now never be able to provide for her in the manner he had dreamed of.

His mind started to drift. He could practically see the house he had envisioned buying them. It was large and grandiose, like the Malfoy manner, filled with priceless antiques and every luxury money could buy. They would have a house elf, of course, so Lily wouldn’t have to do a thing she didn’t want to, and obviously someone else was going to have to cook because she couldn’t and he doubted he’d have the time though he was certainly willing.

It suddenly occurred to Severus that he had never once asked Lily what sort of house she wanted. His only thought had been to put as much distance between himself and Spinner’s End as he possibly could. He felt guilty about that now and instantly resolved to ask Lily in the near future what sort of future she envisioned for herself.

Severus shook his head impatiently; he had no time for daydreaming about the distant future right now. He had to figure out how to get back into Mulciber’s confidence enough to get Bones’ location out of him but not so far he had to spend another year trying to get out. It seemed to be an impossible task and he wondered why he had suggested it in the first place. He should have just kept his mouth shut.

On the other side of the track, Sabrina giggled at something Remus whispered in her ear. Lily smiled up at him sadly and Severus knew straightaway she hated the secret as much as he did. He also knew she hadn’t done it to protect her own reputation but his. Severus hadn’t thought it possible that he could love Lily any more than he already did but he now knew he was wrong. All doubt about finding Bones fled from him. He was doing this and if it took him another year to get out then so be it. She would be proud of him if he had to die in the attempt.

As they neared the testing location Severus could hear the babble of countless voices; but Vincent’s voice carried above them all. Severus could clearly hear every word of the story he was telling Anastasia Worthington. Why Vincent always had to be so loud Severus couldn’t fathom. Just as he didn’t know why Vincent felt the incessant need to brag about his family all the time. Instantly his brain paused and began to backtrack. It was a weakness, one Severus might be able to use to his advantage. His brain was racing and a plan was beginning to form. He nodded at Mulciber as he passed. The boy returned the gesture and went back to chatting up the exotic beauty in front of him.

The line to be tested was fairly short by the time they got into it. From the looks of it they were the absolute last people to arrive. Up ahead of him, Severus could hear Lily murmuring Twycross’ instructions under her breath. He wouldn’t be surprised if she fell asleep tonight still repeating her litany. It was with a nervous, shaky breath that she crossed over the threshold and into the building where the testers were located.

Severus leaned up against the building and continued to think. He was almost certain the plan would work. There was a hole or two but he was confident he could close those up with a bit more thought. The biggest drawback to the scheme was he would need someone else to help him. Severus wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Especially since the only person he really trusted to help was Lily and he didn’t want her involved in this in any way shape or form.

Next to him, Remus gave Sabrina a kiss before she disappeared into the building. He looked prepared to say something to the person standing next to him but seemed to sense that Severus was deep in thought so sighed and gazed out across the village. As Severus waited the final two holes closed and he knew he had a viable plan, though he still had to find someone to ask for help. His eyes slid to the sandy-haired boy leaning next to him and his mind began to whirl again. He was on the point of asking when Lily rushed from the building.

“I did it!”

Remus laughed, “Of course you did.”

Lily beamed and laughed lightly before coming to stand in front of Severus. He whispered to her, “I told you you’d be fine.”

“I know, you were right. I do think I lost a freckle or two but the examiners didn’t seem to notice so I’m not saying anything.”

“I honestly don’t think you can lose freckles by apparating.”

“Hmmm. You might be wrong there. I’m fairly certain I use to have a pretty large freckle on the right side of my nose.”

“Lily, you’re crazy,” Remus stated as he entered the building.

Lily shot a miffed look at his back before turning back to Severus. “I’m not crazy. Did I or did I not have a freckle on the right side of my nose that is now gone?”

Severus gave a little chuckle. “Lil, the freckle always has been, and still is, on the left side of your nose.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. Believe me, if you could get rid of little things like that we would all loose something.”

“What would you leave behind?”

“Nose. Lots of nose.”

“I like your nose, it gives you character.”

“And I like your freckles.”

“Good to know.”

“Next!” a voice inside called.

“That’s you.” Lily rose up on her toes and looked for all the world like she was going to give him a good luck kiss. Vincent’s booming voice and Anastasia’s laughter seemed to remind her of their surroundings and instead she flashed him a bright smile.

Severus entered the old building, wondering how long they had to wait to tell people. Somehow he was thinking the best he could hope for was next fall.

“Name,” snapped a wizened woman, holding a clipboard.

“Severus Snape.”

“ _Full_ name.”

How did she know he hadn’t given the full thing? “Severus Tobias Snape.”

“Date of birth?”

“January 9, 1960.”

“Place of Residence?”

“Spinner’s End, Cokeworth.”

“County?”

Crap, they had just redone the counties a few years ago and he couldn’t remember where they were now. “West Yorkshire?”

She scribbled his answers onto a sheaf of parchment. “Very well. You will apparate to the Hog’s Head and then back to this spot. As soon as the last person returns. Go wait there.” She pointed with her quill at a spot on the wall.

Sabrina was leaning against it looking vaguely perturbed. Severus went and stood next to her. “You don’t look so happy.”

“I failed. For half a stupid finger nail.” She held her hand up and he saw that half the nail on her ring finger was indeed missing. “The old bat won’t let me try again today. If Rem fails we won’t get to see each other at all this summer.”

“I’m certain he’ll do fine.”

“How can they fail you for half a nail?!” She gave a huff of exasperation and shook her head.

Remus appeared a second later with a pop. The old woman examined him minutely for any missing body parts, going so far as to pat him down, while firing another round of questions at him.

“Name?”

“Remus John Lupin.”

“Father?”

“Lyall Francis Lupin.”

“Place of Residence?”

“Bishop's Castle, Shropshire.”

“House?”

“Gryffindor.”

Finally she gave him a sharp nod and handed him a sheaf of parchment. “Here’s your license. Next!”

Severus didn’t know if she was shouting at him or someone outside. He opened his mouth to tell her he was the last person but hadn’t gotten out more than a syllable when she yelled. “I don’t have all day, boy!”

Severus rushed to the middle of the room, concentrated on the Hog’s Head and disappeared. Only to reappear an instant later in the dark, dingy interior of the pub. He was glad he had been there before otherwise he might have thought he had gotten the location wrong. Suddenly a young man Severus thought was a Ravenclaw who had left school three years ago was shooting questions at him.

“Name?”

“Severus Sn – Tobias Snape.”

“Mother?”

How would they know that? “Eileen Gloria Prince Snape.”

“Place of residence?”

“Spinner’s End, Cokeworth, West Yorkshire.” The man was circling around him and Severus was starting to feel dizzy.

“House?”

“Slytherin.” Severus thought the man wrinkled his nose in distaste for a moment.

He scribbled the answers Severus gave on his clipboard and nodded. Severus took this as his cue and returned to the other building. Instantly the woman began circling him and asking all the questions he had just answered. Luckily he didn’t get patted down like Lupin, but he did have to remove his boots and socks so the woman could examine his feet.

“Here’s your license.” She thrust a highly decorated piece of parchment at him and shoved him out the door before he had even finished relacing his boots. He gave an exasperated huff and knelt down to finish tying his laces.

“Here give me that,” Lily said as he put the license on the ground. He silently handed it up to her. Once he was done he looked up and was surprised to see Remus and Sabrina were standing there.

“We thought we might go to the Three Broomstick for a drink. Cheer Brina up.” Lily explained as he rose and she handed the parchment back to him.

“I can’t believe…!”

“They fail you for half a finger nail!” Remus and Lily chorused. Apparently Sabrina had been going on about it since coming outside.

“Funny, you two. It was all those questions they shoot at you. How can you think about your answers and then just pop away without forgetting something? It’s insane!”

“Don’t worry, Brina, I’ll go with you as soon as school’s out. You’ll be better prepared then because you’ll know what to expect. Trust me you’ll be perfect next time. Even more perfect than you are right now.”

Sabrina stopped and pulled her boyfriend to her. Lily smiled indulgently while Severus wondered if he was that sappy and sentimental around Lily. He rather hoped not, since it was vaguely nauseating. He turned his back to the amorous couple and looked at the redhead next to him. She was watching the other couple wistfully now and he was left to wonder once again how long Remus was going to get to break the news to Potter. Still he hated to see her look so sad and searched for a way to distract her.

“Lil, what county do we live in now? Are we Greater Manchester or are we West Yorkshire?”

“I thought we were Greater Manchester. Why, what did you say when they asked?”

“West Yorkshire.”

“Isn’t it sad we don’t know where we live anymore?” Lily asked.

“Not when they change everything all of a sudden,” Remus answered. “I think loads of people have no idea what county they live in now.”

“Why do I feel like everything I learned as a child I have to unlearn and relearn again? Honestly what was the point of going to school before coming here if none of it holds true anymore?” questioned Sabrina.

Lily laughed. “When I was in second form I had a teacher called Mrs. Hayes and she made the entire class learn all the counties and look it was all for nothing.”

“Did you and Lily have the same teacher in second form?” Remus asked Severus.

“I never went to muggle school.”

 “Me either really. My parents tried to send me for a year but I missed so much because of…” Remus trailed off and looked at Sabrina. “My sickness that my parents ended in teaching me at home.”

“That must have been lonely,” Sabrina said sadly.

“Not really. It’s a fairly small village so lots of people still came by to see me. And I learned loads of things I probably wouldn’t have otherwise. Like my Welsh.”

“I didn’t know you speak Welsh, Rem.” Lily’s hand kept brushing Severus’ and he knew she was fighting the urge to take it.

“My mam was born in Wales. She spent most of her life there until she married my father.”

“So how did your parents meet?” queried Sabrina.

“Dad was in Wales investigating reports about a particularly fierce boggart. He heard Mam scream and ran to investigate. He banished the boggart and walked her home to make sure she was safe.” Remus chuckled under his breath. “Dad told me once he was sure he fell in love with Mam the moment he saw her standing there in the forest with all the light shining down on her like something out of a fairy story.”

“That’s sweet,” Lily sighed. “It sounds a bit like my parents, they met during an air raid in the war. Dad was in London with his grandmother and mum lived around the corner from her. When they started sending children out of the city my dad’s parents help find my mum a place near them. After that mum and dad were best friends.” Lily laughed. “Mum wouldn’t even go home after the war was over, she wanted to stay with dad so much. Of course I think they were half in love by then.”

The foursome entered the pub and after having gotten their butterbeers and settled at a table. Lily looked at Sabrina. “So, how did your parent’s meet?”

Sabrina laughed so hard she choked on her swallow of butterbeer and Remus had to pound her on the back. Finally, she managed to catch her breath. “My parents actually hated each other in the beginning. Mum moved to Dad’s village when she was thirteen and he thought she was a complete toff and mum thought dad was an idiot. It took them seven years to figure out they actually loved one another. And…this part is truly horrid; mum figured it out the day before she was meant to marry someone else. Left the poor bloke standing at the altar while she and dad ran off and eloped. It caused such a fervour in the village they had to move away.” Sabrina shook her head at her parent’s whirlwind romance. “That just leaves Severus. How did your parents meet?”

Everyone was looking at him. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t compete with the rest of these stories. The truth was, he had only a vague idea of how his parents had met and less than no idea why they had gotten married. “They met at the local and I guess reckoned they fancied each other. They got married two months later and I was born nine months afterward. That’s it, nothing special about it at all.” He shrugged and took a swig of beer out of his bottle.

“So love at first sight then? That’s romantic.” Sabrina stated, cosying up to Remus.

He wasn’t certain romantic was what he would call his parents’ courtship given how they felt about each other now. But that wasn’t something he was willing to share, so he just muttered, “I suppose.”

He could tell Lily could sense how uncomfortable he was when she gave his leg a gentle squeeze. Sabrina looked ready to speak again but Lily pushed her chair back from the table and declared, “I think I need the ladies.”

“I’ll go with you.” Sabrina leaned in and gave Remus a quick kiss before following Lily.

“Off to talk about us.” Remus stated with a smile.

“When are we supposed to be back at the castle?” Severus asked abruptly.

“Technically, I think we were supposed to head back right after our test but no one appears to be especially concerned about going back.”

Severus looked around and saw most of the sixth years were milling around the pub or popping from shop to shop in celebration of their new skill. “Where’s Potter?”

“I assume he already went back to Hogwarts. Sirius is probably out of detention by now and Peter’s not old enough to test. Don’t worry, you’re safe from the marauders for the day.”

The two lapsed into silence. Remus staring in the direction of the loo looking a little sad and Severus peeling the label from his bottle. Severus was startled when Remus spoke to him. “Was it hard, telling Lily about the Death Eater thing?”

Severus was taken aback by the personal nature of the question. He searched for a way to answer without revealing anything to private and finally settled for, “I never really told her. She just guessed.”

“Oh. But you two must have talked about it at some point.” Severus shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “I’m only asking because…well, I need to find some way to tell Brina about – my problem. And I was wondering what you said to Lily to make things easier.”

Severus thought back on the conversation in the Spot, nothing about that talk had been easy.  “I don’t think there is a way to make it easier. Remus, you’re just going to have to tell Sabrina the truth. It really is the only way, because she’s not going to buy the ‘I’m not feeling well’ excuse for forever.”

“Probably not.” Remus looked glumly at the tabletop.

Severus actually couldn’t believe Sabrina hadn’t figured it out all ready. He guessed it just went to show love really was blind.

“Is that what you would do? If you had a secret like that, would you simply tell Lily?”

Severus stared out the window, looking at nothing. All the secrets he had kept from Lily ran through his mind. Those secrets probably had as much to do with them drifting apart as had his fascination with the Death Eaters. Things had only started to heal when he had begun sharing. “Yes, I would.”

Remus continued to look doubtful. Severus hesitated for a second before adding, “the longer you wait the harder it will be.”

“You think?”

“Yes.”

Remus appeared to be mulling this piece of advice over. Since they were on such intimate ground Severus figured he might as well go for broke. Lily trusted Remus, so he was going to trust her good judgement and make use of the newly established peace between himself and the Gryffindor. “I’ve been thinking about what we were talking about earlier.”

Remus shifted closer. “Go on.”

“I think I have a plan. Would you be willing to help?”

“Of course, what do you need me to do?”

Severus felt eyes boring into his back, “Not here. It isn’t safe.”

Remus gave the room a fleeting look before nodding. “When and where do you want to meet?”

“Do you have patrol tonight?”

“Yes.”

“Then meet me in the prefect’s bathroom at quarter till nine.”

“How do you know how to get in there?”

“What are you two whispering about?” asked Sabrina in an exaggerated undertone.

Remus smiled at her and answered her in the same tone. “It seems Severus knows how to get in to the prefect’s bathroom and I was wondering how. Of course, judging by the look on Lily’s face I think the mystery is solved.”

Lily smiled at her fellow prefect guiltily. “Okay, I told him. But he studies like a fiend and I think he needs a break every now and again. I thought the tub would be a sufficient enticement to get him to rest.”

“Is it?” Sabrina questioned with a glint in her eyes.

“It’s not bad,” Severus answered nonchalantly.

“Speaking of prefect related topics, I have patrol duty tonight and there are one or two things I should take care of before then. So, if you will excuse us, I think Brina and I will be leaving now.” Remus rose from his chair and gave Sabrina a significant look. She blushed prettily and took his hand. The two disappeared quickly, leaving Lily and Severus alone at the table.

“So, what now?” he questioned.

Lily chose to deliberately ignore his question and asked one of her own. “I take it you’re meeting Remus tonight?”

Severus grabbed her leg under the table and squeezed. Avery had moved down several tables and was unmistakably listening to them. “Yes, he thought I could help him with wandless spells.”

Lily nodded knowingly. “Then you won’t be available to help me brew that potion.”

“Sorry, I forgot.”

“If we leave now then maybe you could help me with most of it before you two meet.”

“I can do that. Where do you think you went wrong exactly?”

“I’m not sure. Perhaps I didn’t chop my roots finely enough.” They stood up and began to head towards the door. Avery leaving his table at the same time.

“There’s your first problem, you need to shred the roots.”

“No. You expose more of the surface area if you chop.”

They debated the merits of shredding versus chopping the whole way back to the castle. Severus knew Avery had to be weary of the discussion because even he was bored. Not to mention it was becoming hard to keep up the pretence, there really was only so long you could go on about root preparation. Having reached the entrance hall, Marius veered off towards the dungeons sending them a look that quite plainly said he thought they were the two most tedious people he had ever listened to.

“Thank Merlin,” Lily sighed. “I thought he was going to follow us all day.”

“Me too. Well, I should...” He waved his hand towards the stairs. Clearly unsure of how they were supposed to part now.

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. Study?”

“Where?”

“Library.”

“Ametus’ll find you.”

Severus sighed. “I know, but O.W.L.s are next week and…”

“And nothing.”

“Why? What were you thinking of doing?”

“Hmmm.” Lily looked around the deserted Great Hall “I was thinking we could do a little potion making or was it chemistry I was thinking of?”

Severus’ heart began to beat faster.  “They don’t teach chemistry here.”

“But somehow you excel at it anyway.”

He could feel himself starting to blush. “Lil.”

She edged closer. “Maybe I could get a private lesson from you?”

Severus looked up to see Sirius Black emerging from the Great Hall. He was eyeing the couple suspiciously. “Can’t.” He said with a nod in Black’s direction.

Lily smiled tightly at Black as he passed by. When he was out of range she whispered, “Meet me in the Potions room in one hour.”

Severus nodded and watched her glide up the stairs. He waited a few moments and then mounted the stairs himself. Severus spent several minutes staking out an advantageous location in the library. If Remus agreed, then he should have Archibald Bones’ location by this time Tuesday. It was with this encouraging thought in mind he went off to meet Lily.

At twenty till nine, Severus whispered the new password at the door of the bathroom and slid inside. He wasn’t surprised to see Remus had not yet arrived. Severus circled the room slowly looking for something to do. He wished he hadn’t given his book to Lily but she had never read Ivanhoe and when he stated it was one of his favourites she begged him to let her borrow it. She’d looked so bewitching, all tousled haired and swollen lipped, that he had handed the book to her without thinking. Now he had nothing to do while waiting for Lupin to arrive. Finally, out of sheer boredom, he began turning on the taps around the tub. Previously he had always just used the first one his hand lit on. It was amazing to see the variety of bubbles that came spilling out.

“Planning on taking a bath when we’re done?” Remus asked jovially.

Severus quickly shut the tap off. “No, just bored.”

“Sorry, I tried to get here early but wouldn’t you know it’s the one night something happens on patrol.”

“That’s fine.”

“So what’s the plan?”

Severus took a deep breath. If the plan was going to work he was going to have to give Remus some additional details. Reminding himself that Remus had proven his loyalty to Lily on several occasions, Severus steeled himself and began to speak. “How much has Lily told you exactly?”

“Well…” Remus grabbed a towel and tossed on the floor and sat down before continuing. “She said you’ve decided not to become a Death Eater. That You Know Who wanted you to join on your seventeenth birthday, but you somehow talked your way out of that one and you were asked to recruit Lily. Anything I’m missing?”

Severus sat down next to Remus. “Hmmm. Listen, before I do this…”

“Severus, I won’t breathe a word to anyone, ever. I know your life’s at risk here.”

“Okay, then. There are a couple of other details. One, Avery suspects what I’m doing so whatever I do I have to keep that in mind.”

“Who would have thought Avery was so smart?”

“I know. Not the best time for him to acquire intelligence, but he has. On the plus side, Mulciber thinks I’m around all of you in the attempt to do some recruiting. Or at least that’s what he said several months ago. But I think Avery’s got him questioning me.”

“Okay.”

“If I’m going to get any information out of Vincent…”

“He has to think you’re a team player.”

“Precisely.”

“So where do I fit in?”

“I was thinking since you and Black had your falling out you’ve been around Lily and me a lot so…”

“I might want to listen to what they have to say?”

“Something like that.”

“And when I tell them I’m not interested?”

“It won’t be a big deal. No one tells potentials anything too detailed to begin with. It’s all very clever. At first, everything is implied, nothing is stated as fact. Once you’re in the circle that changes but you listening to one talk means less than nothing. Especially this close to the end of the term.”

“Meaning?”

“Come back in the fall and say you and Black patched it up. Sirius is one of the people they know they’ll never shake. He wouldn’t even be worth the effort it would take to try and recruit him. If you two are back to being best mates the house will chalk you up as a lost cause again. No harm done.”

“But Avery and Mulciber think you’ve been doing what you said you were.”

“Correct.”

“Okay, I can do that.”

“Good. So that’s part one.”

“There’s a part two?”

“Yes. I told you Avery suspects me.” Remus nodded. “He’s taken to following me almost constantly, so, no matter how you stage it, if I go to the headmaster’s office and Bones is freed not long after they’re going to know it was me that told.”

“I can see that. How are you planning on getting around that particular problem?”

“Well, Mulciber’s not the quietest person in Hogwarts, nor is he – circumspect. My plan was to take him to the library, hopefully tomorrow night, and see if I can get him to talk. There’s a fairly isolated table back near the…”

“Arithmancy section.”

“Yes. So if you were getting a book and just happened to overhear.”

“Then I could go to Dumbledore and you look like you’re not involved at all.”

“What do you think?”

“It’s brilliant. Except for the part where you get no credit.”

Secretly that fact bothered Severus as well. He really did want to be head boy and knew slipping this piece of information to Dumbledore would greatly help his chances. But the truth was, he thought the headmaster would pay more attention to the intelligence if it came from a Gryffindor. He also believed the fewer people who knew about his part in the deception the safer he’d be. It was for this reason only that he looked at Lupin and said, “It doesn’t matter.”

Remus hesitated before nodding. “When are we doing this?”

“Do you have a free period tomorrow?”

“No. But I think this is worth skiving off a lesson.”

“Then meet me down in the potions corridor at eleven.”

“Sounds good.” Remus looked quickly at his wristwatch. “I’ll walk back with you so you don’t get caught out after curfew.”

Severus was about to decline the offer but then decided if one of his housemates were out it would go a long way towards helping them buy the deception if  he and Remus were seen talking together. “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

The twosome left the bathroom and headed down to the dungeons discussing their upcoming end of term exams. At the door to the common room Severus said goodbye to Remus and went to put his plan into action. Entering the dorm, he saw Mulciber and Avery were already in the room as was Tristian Shrewsbury. Where the last of his roommates was Severus had no idea, but then you hardly ever saw David Allison.

Mulciber glanced up as Severus entered the room and then quickly went back to the dirty mag he was looking at. Avery gave not the slightest indication he had seen Severus at all. Apparently, now he was well all concern Avery might have had for him was gone. He had been planning on making his proposition to Mulciber but now it seemed to be shrewder to reel Avery in first.

“Marius, are you going to Divination tomorrow?”

“Not sure. Why?” Avery was eyeing him suspiciously and behind the magazine Mulciber’s concentration had clearly shifted.

Severus crossed to his old bed and looked down at the occupant. “I want you to talk to Lupin.”

Avery glanced at the other corner. Tristian had never been interested in joining the club and had been isolated since first year because of it. The boy muttered something unintelligible under his breath and exited the room, his nightclothes under his arm. Once the sound of footsteps faded, Avery fixed his gaze on Severus. “Are you saying you’ve recruited Lupin?”

Vincent tossed his mag on the bed and crossed to where the other two were. Severus waited until Mulciber had thrown himself across the bed before answering. “I don’t know for certain but he’s willing to listen.”

“I’m impressed. I never thought you would get one of that group.”

“It took some work but…” Severus gave a casual shrug before continuing, “Black and Potter are definitely lost causes but I think if I can get Lupin then prying Pettigrew away will be easy.”

“If that’s the case, why do you need me to talk to him?”

“I think I’ve said everything I can at this point. He needs to hear about the Dark Lord’s goals from another source.”

“What is his parentage?” Vincent asked.

“Wizard father, muggle mother.”

“Half-blood. Well, I suppose that’s better than a mudblood.”

Severus felt his hand start to curl at Avery’s words but he just managed to stop it. He couldn’t wait until he could tell them to shut their mouths when they said that word.

“And I take it you want me to meet him tomorrow during Divination?”

“Yes.”

“Why not during a meal or a free period?”

“I didn’t think it wise to call attention to the meeting and several Slytherins meeting with a Gryffindor is likely to arouse curiosity.”

“True. Fine. Where are we meeting?”

“I told him to meet me in the potions corridor at eleven.”

“Odd place to meet”

“There’s an empty classroom there and it seems a more prudent place to hold a meeting than the library or Great Hall.”

Avery nodded looking at Severus shrewdly. “It would appear I might have underestimated you Severus. I thought your loyalties might be shifting.”

“Why would they? I’m no idiot Marius. Which is why if I’m going to recruit people they need to think I’m on their side.”

“Lucius did say you knew what you were doing.” Vincent sounded awed.

Severus could hardly hold back the sneer. The idiots. It was almost laughably easy to dupe them.

Avery smiled tightly before asking, “is that what you’re doing with Evans? Letting her think you’re on her side?”

He had been wrong. Avery wasn’t as fooled as Vincent. And the way his roommate’s steely grey eyes were piercing him led Severus to believe Avery might even suspect he and Lily were no longer just friends. “What I’m doing with Lily is between me, her and Lucius. If you have any other questions I suggest you ask him.”

“Snape, I don’t care if you choose to be friends with the mudblood. Just make sure you keep her in her place. It wouldn’t do to forget what she is. There’s only so far you can go with a girl like that. Remember Severus, the Prince name is dirty enough at the moment without you sullying it any further.”

Severus wanted to hex Marius Avery so badly his hand was moving towards his pocket of its own volition. It took every ounce of self-control he possessed to pivot, march to his bed, grab his nightshirt and toiletries and head for the bathroom. Once there, he examined himself minutely in the mirror. Was it possible to tell he had spent half the night brewing a potion and the other half snogging Lily senseless? Thinking back he vaguely remembered seeing a shadow shifting at the end of the hall when they left the Potions Room. He had dismissed it at the time, caught up in a debate with Lily about the effect of moon phases on the harvesting of monk’s hood. Now he had to wonder if it had been Avery spying on them.

If Marius had gotten even a passing glance at either of them it would be easy to tell what they had been doing. Severus stripped his robes off and turned the water on, waiting for it to warm up. He wasn’t sure why he cared really. He wasn’t ashamed to be with Lily. And it wasn’t as if Lucius didn’t know this was what he had been hoping for for years. Sod Avery, if he wanted to run and tell Malfoy that Severus and Lily were together let him. He wasn’t going to apologize for being with the girl he loved.

Severus stepped under the scalding hot stream of water and rubbed soap over his body. Soon, very soon he would be out of this mess. Then he wouldn’t have to worry about what he said or where he went or whom he chose to spend time with. Nor would he care where Avery was and what the prat overheard. All he needed now was for one of them to look at him and tell him he wasn’t welcome anymore.

The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on him, all his life he had wanted to fit in and now all he wanted was for someone to tell him he didn’t belong.  He thought of all the time and effort he had wasted on trying to prove his worth to these people. The kids in his neighbourhood, his mother’s family, his schoolmates, even his own father had all seen him as insignificant. But someday he would show them all how wrong they had been about him. They would see his greatness, would be sorry for all the hurt they had inflicted on him.

He had thought Mulciber and Avery had seen his potential. But no one outside of Lily had made him feel more worthwhile than Lucius. Right from the start Severus had seen the way the older Slytherin had looked at him. Malfoy had always been impressed by his knowledge and that was why Severus had worked so hard to acquire more. He had thought Lucius was helping him; so Severus could be the person he was born to be. It turned out he had been sadly mistaken. Lucius only cared about helping himself.

The only people to have seen his merit, to have seen and appreciated him were his gram, his mum and Lily. Now he could add May, Cris and Violet to that list. They were the only ones to have earned his loyalty, his respect, his love, for them he would do anything.

Any guilt Severus had felt at betraying people who he had once counted as friends was irretrievably gone. Lucius had threatened Lily, Marius had implied that dating Lily was somehow demeaning to Severus, to the Prince family. Well, they were about to see what happened when someone crossed him. He would happily betray them just as they had betrayed him and if they dared to try hurt anyone he loved then they would discover the hard way just how talented Severus Snape really was.


	34. Dreams and Schemes

Quarter to eleven found Severus pacing the Potions corridor and Avery and Mulciber waiting in a deserted classroom down the hall. Slughorn had looked Severus up and down searchingly, as if trying to ascertain why he was in the corridor and not in his scheduled class when he had walked by only moments earlier, but the head of Slytherin house had made no comment. Indeed his only reaction had been a curt nod before he continued on his way.

Severus ceaselessly continued to transverse a path back and forth down the hallway, hoping it would quell the knots in his stomach. He didn’t know why he was so nervous; it wasn’t as if he didn’t have years of practice in the art of deception, but this wasn’t like lying about a bruise or pretending he didn’t care if people didn’t like him. This time, if he got caught, he could lose everything including his life. It would be like the universe to do that to him. Because except for the stress over his upcoming exams and the fact that he wasn’t free of You-Know-Who he was happy for the very first time since his gram had died. Everything was as close to perfect as he could hope for. Ametus had calmed down slightly, he hadn’t seen even a glimpse of Urania and Potter hadn’t once so much as glanced in his direction. Then there was Lily, sweet lovely Lily, who was all his, even if only a handful of people knew it. 

He exhaled deeply. Once this was over he would feel better. Severus had never doubted his ability to do whatever the situation called for. It was this adaptability that had allowed him to survive so many years with Tobias. Yet this time he wasn’t as sure of himself. He had begun to question if bringing Avery into the situation was a wise move. Vincent was more malleable, more easily mislead whereas Avery had a more sceptical nature. That sceptism was one of the things Severus had admired in Avery to begin with and Avery had been equally appreciative of the identical trait in Severus. It was their natural wariness, their mutual capability of questioning everything and everyone that had caused their friendship to flourish. Now it was a skill Severus wished Marius didn’t possess.

He heard a door creak open and instantly threw himself against the wall, pretending to be lost in thought. Any hint of weakness on his part could give the whole game away. He wished he had thought to convey this idea to Remus. Then again, Remus had spent years being duplicitous to others so he should be just as accomplished as Severus at the art. Not like Lily, who was for the most part a poor liar, it was one of the reasons he had chosen not to involve her in this ruse.

The door shut again with a small thud. Severus resisted the impulse to start pacing again; instead, he drummed his fingers against the stonewall, an act which could just as easily be interpreted as boredom as anything else. Lacking any other occupation, he began to mentally review lessons. He was so hopelessly behind he had no idea how he was going to perform on his end of term exams, yet here he was skiving off a lesson so he could help a man he didn’t know.

“Good morning, Severus.”

Instantly, Severus shut down the Charms section of his mind and focused all his attention on the task at hand. “Good morning, Remus. Are you ready?”

“As I’m going to be.” Severus gave Remus a probing look. Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea.  Before he could get caught up in coming up with alternative ideas, Remus smiled and ruefully said, “come on, I’m interested to hear the spiel.”

Severus gave the other boy a curt nod and led him down the hallway. Remus entered the room, his attention immediately fixed on the two Slytherins sitting side by side on a dusty table and the ancient wooden chair in front of them. Severus knew he was meant to join his roommates on the table, but a sense of defiance rose in him and he pulled another chair up next to the one Remus sat down on.

Recruitment at Hogwarts was not done formally, secrets were told in whispered conversations, far from the prying eyes and ears of anyone who might not understand. It was only once you were out of school or were already deeply immersed in the group that you had proper discussions with members of the upper echelon. Eventually these talks culminated in a meeting with the Dark Lord himself. Both Severus and Marius had had several talks, though not the meeting, and so knew what those interviews entailed though neither one had ever given one of the speeches.

Avery gazed long and hard at Remus, who neither flinched nor looked away. Severus had to admit he was impressed by the prefect’s composure. Silence prevailed for several drawn out moments. Finally, Remus turned to Severus. “Is this what you’ve brought me here for? If it is, I can’t say I’m impressed. As I have other things I could be doing…”

Remus stood and prepared to leave. He had just reached the door when Avery called out after him. “Why _are_ you here, Lupin?”

Remus turned back around slowly. “Let’s just say I’ve been intrigued by several of the things Severus has told me. So, I thought I might want to hear more. See what it was you had to offer that was so enticing to him.”

“And why the sudden interest?”

Severus knew Avery meant to grill Remus before giving away any information.

“Black and I have had a falling out. And, as I’m sure you’re aware, I have been spending more time in Severus’ company this year. I am more than willing to admit I was mistaken in my initial assessment of him. I feel he has chosen the right path and think he will go far on it.”

“Interesting. Do you think any of your other friends might be interested in this path?”

Remus crossed back to the chair and settled himself comfortably before answering. “I think it’s safe to say there is the potential for a great many people to be highly interested. Severus is, of course, very circumspect in who he tells his secrets to. Which is understandable given the current state of things.”

“Quite.”

Severus ventured a quick glance at Mulciber. It was clear to him Vincent was eating up every word that came from Lupin’s mouth. Not much more of this and his roommate would be back to begging Severus to take him with him to the top. His mind began to spin, but was swiftly diverted by the on-going cat and mouse game between Remus and Avery.

“It’s funny, I would have thought a virtuous Gryffindor prefect like you would be happy for things to remain the same forever.”

“No, I think there is always room for improvement.”

“What sort of improvement?”

“Less persecution would be nice.”

Avery’s eyes narrowed. “Persecution?”

“Yes, it would be good if people weren’t hunted just because they’re different.”

“Such as the persecution of witches and wizards by muggles.”

“That was a tragic period in history.”

“Do you think it has stopped?”

“Well, you don’t hear about many witch burnings these days do you?”

“That’s because we are forced to hide, live in secret.”

“Secrets are indeed a bad thing, they have destroyed many worthy people.”

“What if we didn’t have to live in secret anymore?”

“A world without secrets sounds like a wonderfully unobtainable dream.”

“It doesn’t have to be. Imagine a world where we can live freely, openly. A world where those who are less desirable are kept in their proper place.”

“Marius, you give too much away.” Severus interjected quickly. Marius glared at him but Severus carried on evenly. “It is the place of others to give out such information. You wouldn’t want word to reach our Lord that you have been indiscreet.”

Severus could see Marius trying to work out if this was a threat or not. In the world of the Death Eaters where you ranked with Voldemort meant everything. One slip and you could find yourself at the bottom of the ladder, or even worse, off of it all together. “Though I am certain he would find your enthusiasm for the cause admirable,” Severus added quickly, just to keep Marius guessing what Severus’ intentions were.

Remus was watching them with unconcealed fascination as if trying to figure out which of the two boys was more powerful. In what Severus considered to be a brilliant move on Remus’ part, the boy turned to him and spoke, “it would appear you have been telling the truth, Severus. Though it does still sound a little too good to be true. I would like to mull this information over before we speak further.”

“Certainly. If you have any further questions…”

“You can ask either of us,” Avery cut in.

Remus dismissed the boy with a flick of his eyes. “Hmmm. Severus, I look forward to many more discussions with you. Now, if you all will excuse me, I have already missed one lesson today and would prefer not to miss any more.”

“Please, we have no wish to detain you. I have been assured intelligence is a greatly prized asset in our circle.”

“One would assume that of any group you choose to associate yourself with.” Remus opened the door. “Gentlemen. Severus, I’ll see you later.”

“See you, Remus.” Severus raised a hand in a farewell salute and waited until the door had closed before turning to face the other two boys.

“You didn’t need Marius at all did you?” The awe was thick in Vincent’s voice. “You had Lupin convinced before he’d ever stepped foot in the room.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“No, you did. He didn’t even really listen to Marius, did he? I bet he’s one of us by the start of next term. When Lucius finds out…”

“I think it would be best not to tell him yet.”

“Why? Not sure he’ll believe you?” Avery sneered.

Severus looked his enemy dead in the eye and lied for all he was worth. “I’d rather wait until the deer is well and truly bagged before I show off my prize. Seems more prudent that way.

“If we’re done I’m frightfully behind in my lessons and with exams coming up I’m afraid my studies require all my concentration.” Severus opened the door and paused before turning to face the room again. “Vincent, if you still want that Transfiguration help I’ll be in the library tonight, at the table in the Arithmancy section.”

“Thanks, Severus. I’ll meet you there around seven-thirty.”

“I’ll see you then. Have a good day, Avery.” He walked briskly from the room, never faltering on his way up to the Great Hall. He particularly wanted to skive off of lunch that day but knew he had to appear completely relaxed about what had happened.

He slid onto a bench somewhat further down the table than he had been sitting at recently and pulled out a book. Having piled a plate high with food he took the opportunity to look quickly at the Gryffindor table. Like him, Remus appeared completely nonplussed, though it looked as if Potter were giving him the third degree. Finally, Remus took a quick look around the hall and bent his head towards his friend. A few whispered words later and Potter laughed and pounded the boy on the back.

James’ laughter only grew louder as Sabrina and Lily joined the table. Remus flushed a deep red and gave his girlfriend a quick peck on the lips. Assured that whatever story Remus had concocted probably involved Sabrina and broom cupboard activities, Severus turned his attention to the red head on Sabrina’s other side. She smiled at him and mouthed hello.

He glanced towards Potter, making sure his attention was diverted, before returning the greeting. Lily placed a piece of chicken on her plate before once again meeting his gaze and mouthing something at him. Unable to make out what she had been trying to say, he shook his head and shrugged his shoulders in response.

This time, she moved her mouth with exaggerated slowness. _Meet me outside in thirty minutes – please._

He mostly stifled his laughter at the absurd facial expressions caused by her exaggeration and pulled his watch from his pocket before nodding at her. She smiled in response before becoming wrapped up in whatever conversation was causing such hilarity at her house table.

Severus attempted to read the book in front of him, which turned out to be Transfiguration, but his mind kept wandering in countless different directions. He hadn’t managed to study or eat much by the time Lily left the Gryffindor table. He hastily thrust his book in his bag and followed her out the doors. Severus knew he was being watched every step of the way by both sides of the hall and for once didn’t care.

It was a beautiful day out and the grounds were swarming with students. Lily didn’t appear to be anxious to disappear from view so he had to assume she hadn’t wanted to see him for a snog.

“What are you doing tonight?” She asked him abruptly.

“Studying. You?”

“The same. So, maybe we could study together?”

“Lil, I really do need to actually study tonight.”

“That is exactly what I was suggesting.”

“Hmm, the way we made a potion last night?”

“We made a potion.”

“That was an unmitigated disaster because you kept distracting me.”

“I promise I’ll keep my hands to my self tonight.” She smiled up at him sassily.

“No good, your very presence is a distraction these days.” He leaned in and whispered. “Besides, I’m not sure I can make the same promise.”

Lily flushed a pale shade of pink and fixed her gaze on the ground. “Sev.” There were several beats of silence before she carried on. “Maybe if we were in the library it would help. You seem to do alright in public places.”

“It takes a lot of concentration believe me.” A couple of second years went by and giggled. For the first time he realized how close they were standing to one another. “And obviously I’m not doing that well.”

“I’m not complaining.”

“And that is why I will be studying in my common room tonight.”

“You’re sure? Because I did have something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“What?”

“Not right now, there isn’t time.”

“How important is it?”

“Not terribly.”

“Then I promise I am all yours tomorrow night.”

Lily pouted up at him. “Just tomorrow night?”

Severus groaned and looked around at the students traipsing back and forth. He wanted to kiss her so badly it was almost unreal. “Lil, you’re killing me.”

“Then meet me tonight.”

“I really, really can’t.”

“Okay, I’ll be in the library if you change your mind.” She gave him a wicked smile, squeezed his hand and was gone.

Severus stood standing next to the castle for several minutes after she left trying to figure out some way to modify his plan. Try as he might he couldn’t think of any alternatives. There was no other place he and Mulciber could meet Remus could get to and not look conspicuous. That was leaving aside the fact any change of location at this point was certain to look suspicious. No, they had to meet in the library.

But if Lily saw him there she would insist on them sitting together, which meant he wouldn’t be able to get Vincent to tell him anything. The only thing to do was find some way to keep Lily in the Gryffindor common room tonight. There was only one person he could turn to for help with this particular problem. He gave a sigh and headed back inside. Somehow, he was going to have to hunt up Remus and see what he could do.

At promptly seven o’clock Severus sat himself down at the table buried at the back of the library. He was grateful to see Lily wasn’t there. She’d given him a rather strange look at dinner, like she knew he was up to something so he’d half expected to see her.  Severus opened his Arithmancy book determined to use the time before Mulciber arrived constructively. Vincent still hadn’t put in an appearance by eight o’clock and Severus could hear Remus shifting restlessly in the aisle. Severus was starting to wonder if his roommate was going to show up at all. He would give it ten more minutes and then they would have to try the whole wretched thing again tomorrow, which would mean putting Lily off again.

Severus was shoving his book into his bag, in a completely foul mood, when Vincent finally arrived. The boy was red faced and puffing. “Sorry – know – late – Anastasia.”

“Sit down and breathe.” Severus jerked out a chair. His roommate collapsed into the seat and continued to pant. “Now what are you on about?”

It was awhile before Vincent caught his breath enough to respond. “Anastasia and I were talking and I lost track of time. I’m sorry, Severus, I know how you are about being punctual.”

“I suppose I can let it go this time.”

“Thanks.”

“Vincent, you shouldn’t waste too much time on Worthington.”

“Why?”

“I gather her parents have already picked out someone for her.”

“Who?”

“Don’t know.” Severus reached into his bag and rummaged around, looking for the pamphlet he had put there earlier in the day. “Here, I got this for you.” He shoved the glossy paper at the boy.

Vincent was clearly lost in contemplation and so didn’t respond right away. But eventually he picked up the brochure and looked at it. “What’s this for?”

“It’s about the healer training program at St. Mungo’s. I thought you might like some additional information.”

“Maybe.” The boy responded.

“Have you talked to anyone about it yet?”

“No, I don’t think I’m going to.”

“Well, I think you should… So, what sort of Transfiguration help do you need?”

“I don’t suppose you’d be willing to start at the beginning of the year?”

“I don’t have the time for that.”

“Then maybe if you go over the basics of human transfiguration that would be enough.”

“Fine.” Severus opened the book in front of him and started his lecture. Mulciber hastily scribbled notes down on the parchment in front of him. Once Severus was certain he had said enough to keep his roommate writing for several lines, he paused. When he next spoke, his topic had nothing to do with school. “Vincent, how come you didn’t tell me about the attacks last week?”

The blond didn’t raise his head, or pause in his scribbling. “What?”

“I was wondering why you didn’t tell me about last week.”

Finally Vincent paused in his writing to answer, “you were sick.”

“Not that sick. If I’m recruiting I should know what’s going on.”

“You’re right. What do you want to know?”

“Were they all our Lord’s doing? I heard there were marks left at only two of the locations.”

“That’s because they were interrupted at the second one.” As predicted Vincent’s voice became louder as the conversation continued.

“Shhh, lower your voice, Vincent…By who?”

“Dumbledore’s started a group to fight the Dark Lord.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I’ve been told the Dark Lord is hunting down people who might have information on the members.”

“Is that the reason for last week?”

“Yes and No. The mudbloods were exterminated because they were attempting to breed.” Under the table Severus’ hand began to shake. “But the McCulloughs, rumour has it they were part of the group.”

“Did the members get any information out of them?”

“No, the Dark Lord put Crabbe in charge and he botched it. Killed all of them before he got a word out of them.”

“Bet he’s sorry for that.”

“He’ll never rise that high again. Luckily for the fellowship, Lucius captured Archibald Bones not long after and he’s managed to get a little bit of information out of him.” Vincent’s voice once rose to such a volume a Ravenclaw in a nearby aisle shushed him.

“Vincent, you’re too loud…What sort of information had Lucius extracted?”

“Mostly that the group is called the Order of the Phoenix and Dumbledore’s in charge. Bones has been stubborn but Lucius is confident he’ll get more details out of him before the end.”

“Bones is still alive?” Severus knew he sounded shocked and he was a little. He had privately suspected the only thing they would ever find of Bones was a corpse.

“Yes.”

“Well I’ll be. Where are they hiding him? I heard the ministry’s been searching high and low for him.”

Vincent gave Severus a smirk. “He’s at our house.”

“What if the ministry comes?”

“They don’t suspect us. Besides it’s not as if he’s hanging around the drawing room or anything.” Vincent gave a booming laugh. At a hiss from Madame Pince he dropped the level of his voice but Severus knew it would still be audible to the Gryffindor prefect hiding in the stacks. “We have a secret room behind the fireplace in the dining room.”

“Really?”

“Yes… it’s very clever. To get to it…”

“Hold on.” Severus held up a hand to stop Vincent and searched through his bag. Finally, he pulled out a tattered book. He flipped through until he found a blank page and began to write swiftly “Okay, go on.”

“What is that?”

“Notes. Someday, when I buy a house, I’m going to have a hidden room. Every time I find out about one I write it in here.”

“Let me see that.” Vincent snatched the book away and flipped through looking at the drawings and annotations that covered the pages. “You might need a hobby, Severus.”

“What do you think this is?”

“An obsession.”

“Whatever. Are you going to tell me how to get in or not?”

“There’s a carving of a wolf on the right brace, if you press on its paw the door opens.”

“Is the door off to the side or…?”

“The fireplace is the door.”

“The whole thing?”

“Yes.”

“That’s brilliant!” Severus roughed out a drawing and held it up to his roommate “Like this?”

“Pretty much. You know, you really are a little peculiar Severus… Can we get back to Transfiguration now?”

Severus stared at the picture not really paying attention to Mulciber. “I really like this. I wouldn’t use a wolf of course maybe a…”

“Severus, Transfiguration.”

“What? Oh yes. Right. I’ve found that the trick to human transfigurations is…” Severus carried on explaining the finer points to Vincent. He didn’t pause in the slightest when Remus emerged half a dozen aisles down and nodded. A glance at Vincent assured Severus that his roommate was oblivious to what had just happened.

Less than twenty-four hours later Severus was in the exact same spot, but this time he was waiting for Lily. It had been an interesting day to say the least. Vincent had talked his ear off at every single meal about absolute trivialities; apparently he had been a little too convincing yesterday. Severus didn’t want to think about what this meant in terms of his long-range plan. Luckily, Avery seemed just as doubting as ever so perhaps he was still on track.

Then Ametus had found him at lunch and was practically bouncing off the walls with enthusiasm. He felt, that thanks to Severus’ help, he had gotten perfect marks on his History of Magic O.W.L. He had added he hoped the fact that Severus was such a great tutor made up for his other disappointments. Severus hadn’t the least idea what that statement had been about and quickly sloughed it off.

Strangest of all was Lily’s behaviour. She had sat down beside him this morning and asked if his night had been productive, which wasn’t exactly a novel question. What was peculiar was the tone she asked in. Not to mention the very knowing look she gave him when he answered yes. All day she had looked at him expectantly while he became more and more confused. For the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what was going on. Maybe she was hoping he would suggest they forget the studying and sneak off somewhere. It was a tempting idea, but if he had any prayer of keeping up his Outstanding level work he couldn’t spend all his time snogging Lily.

“Psst, Severus.” Severus looked in the direction of the voice. “Come here.”

Severus hurried down the aisle. “What is it, Remus? Lily’s going to be here any minute.”

“I know, that’s why I needed to warn you.”

“About?”

“You need to plan a surprise for Lily.”

“What in the name of Merlin are you talking about?”

“The only way I could think of to keep Lily out of the library last night was to tell Sabrina you were planning a big surprise for Lily, so Brina needed to keep her away while we sorted out the details. And Brina ended up telling Lily that’s what we were doing because it was absolutely the only way she could keep Lily away from the library last night.”

“Great,” Severus said wryly. “What in the hell am I supposed to do now?”

“I don’t know. Candlelit dinner for two?”

“Damn it, I don’t have time for this.”

“Well, you’d better make time because your girlfriend’s expecting something.”

“Bloody brilliant.”

“What are you two whispering about?”

Severus nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Lily’s voice. “Nothing.”

She didn’t look in the least convinced when he turned around.

“I think I’ll leave you two alone. Have a nice night, Severus. Lily, I’ll see you back in the common room.” Remus left the aisle as rapidly as if rabid dogs were perusing him.

“He gets no points for subtly.” Lily laughed.

“Probably not.”

“So, what were the two of you whispering about?”

“I told you, nothing.” Severus leaned in to give her a kiss, certain they were sufficiently hidden from view.

Lily stopped him with a hand on his chest. “No kiss until you tell me what you’re up to.”

“What makes you think I’m up to anything?”

“I know you.”

“Well it’s a surprise so you’ll have to wait.”

“Will I like it?”

“I hope so,” he whispered and this time she didn’t stop him as he pulled her close.

Eventually she pulled away with a smile. “I thought we were meant to be studying.”

“You’re right. Come on.” Severus led her back down the aisle, only dropping her hand when they were about to emerge. Lily gave him a happy grin and sank down into an empty chair and began pulling out a book and several rolls of parchment.

They studied quietly for the better part of the next two hours. During this time, Severus managed to catch up on several classes’ worth of work. He had stuffed his History of Magic book back into his bag and was ready to ask Lily for an update on Charms when he noticed she still had the same book open in front of her. All of her interest seemed to be absorbed in the letter she was penning.

He only managed to catch a few words …so sorry…be friends, before Lily looked up and caught him eyeing the letter. She hastily shoved the parchment under the book. Before he could ask a single question she blurted out, “when are you talking to Mulciber?”

“I already did. What was that?”

“Nothing. When did you talk to him?”

“Yesterday. Lil…”

“Did you find out what you needed?”

“Yes.” The fact that she wouldn’t tell him about the letter was starting to bother him. “Lily, why won’t you tell me who you’re writing to?”

“Because I…I haven’t decided what I want to say yet.” She gave a sigh. “Can we talk? Somewhere private?”

His heart was in his throat. Hoping Lily wouldn’t notice his burgeoning nervousness he nodded curtly. Lily gave him a little smile and dumped everything in her bag before rising and leaving the library. He followed her, wondering what it was she wanted to talk about and praying he wasn’t about to hear she thought they would be better off as friends after all.

Lily unlocked the door of the astronomy tower and disappeared up the stairs while he stood paralysed at the bottom. Ever since first year Severus had dreamed of spending a night star gazing with Lily on the tower.

“Sev, are you coming?”

“Yes.” He croaked. He slowly climbed the steps, the whole time thinking, he should have known it was all too good to last. When he reached the top, he found Lily pacing in circles muttering to herself. After he closed the door, she flicked her wand at it and he heard the lock slide closed.

“So, I think I’m just going to blurt this out and see what you think – I want to tell James about us.” Relief coursed through Severus and he barely caught the next few words “…guilty about letting him think he still has a chance. I’m not ashamed to be with you and I feel like if we keep hiding you’re going to think that. The thing is, if I tell James, he’ll tell everyone, and then people are going to say wretched things about you, like Nathaniel did. I honestly don’t want people to think you’re a mug. At the same time, I don’t want to hide anymore… I – I don’t know what to do.” Lily was half out of breath when she stopped and looked expectantly at him.

“Lil, I don’t care if people think I’m a mug.”

“I know that’s a lie. You might not care if you’re popular or good at sport but you care if people think you’re stupid.”

“Okay, I care. But not as much as I care about people thinking you’re some sort of…”

“Tease.”

“Yes.”

“I don’t care about that.” She waved off the thought with a flap of her hand.

“Now who’s lying?”

“So, you think I shouldn’t tell him?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I have to admit this is not what I’d imagined it would be like when I pictured us together. But conversely, it’s late in the term and I’m behind and I know Potter’s not going to take it well, which means he and Black will go out of their way to make my life difficult. Frankly, I’d prefer to not deal with them just now.” He ran his hands through his hair and gazed out across the grounds.

“How did you imagine it would be?” She was right behind him but he didn’t turn.

 “I suppose I thought I would be able to hold your hand in between class and kiss you when I wanted without having to make sure no one saw us.”

“Sev, I’m sorry. I’ll tell James tonight. I already started writing down what I wanted to say. You can read it if you want.” He turned then to see her crossing to her bag, no doubt intending to show him the letter she’d been writing earlier.

“I thought you were going to let Remus tell him.”

“Don’t you think that’s the chicken shit way out?”

“I suppose.” She was still rummaging through her bag. Swiftly he crossed to her and knelt down, clasping her hands in his. “I don’t need to read it, Lily.”

“But, I was sort of hoping you would help me with this. What would you want to hear if it were you? What would make you feel better about what I was doing?”

“Short of you saying you were picking me? Nothing.”

“Sev, be serious.”

“I am. Lil, I can’t tell you what to say to him. I wouldn’t be… after all that’s happened I …” He stood and walked back to the wall, resting his hands on the stones and staring out at the forest.

“I really hurt you didn’t I?” He didn’t say anything. Not even when she came to stand behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head between his shoulders. “I never meant to.”

He placed his right hand gently over hers. “I know.”

“Do you? Do you really? …I promise Sev, I never meant it to get as complicated as it did. I just couldn’t seem to decide. I wanted to kiss him for so long.” He closed his eyes, as if it would somehow hurt less to hear the words that way. “And you – I was so scared. If we didn’t work…I don’t know what I’d do without you, you’re so important to me. I can’t stand the thought of losing you.” She gave his waist a squeeze. “But, I swear to you I don’t want him anymore. I only want you.”

He turned in her arms and looked down at her. Her eyes were glistening up at him. He didn’t know what to say and maybe she sensed that. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I wish I knew. It’s not as if I can fault you for not knowing which of us you fancied more. But I have to admit it upset me you went on a date with Potter so soon after what happened in the tunnel, as if what he had done didn’t matter. That may have hurt more than the fact that you went on the date at all.”

“I – I suppose I hadn’t thought of that.” He tried to move away from her then but she tightened her grip on him. “I do, very honestly, believe James had nothing to do with what happened. Maybe that doesn’t excuse what I did, and I admit hearing how it made you feel, it was thoughtless. It’s just – it was getting out of hand – and Rem said I was leading you both on. I knew we couldn’t all go on like that for much longer. So, when James asked me to Hogsmeade I thought I would go with him and see what happened. Sev, I always, always meant to give you the same chance.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I would have gone with you if you’d have asked first, but you didn’t. And maybe it’s better things happened this way.”

“How so?” He hoped she couldn’t hear the bitterness in his voice.

“Because now it’s over. I never have to wonder what it would be like to kiss him or go on a date with him. I know now I’m happier with you. Maybe if I hadn’t gone out with him first it wouldn’t be that way.”

Severus griped her tightly in his arms. “Cris told me you needed to get Potter out of your system. I guess he was right.”

“And here I thought you and Cris only talked about football.”

“No. We talk about other things.” He gave a sigh and dropped a kiss in the midst of her hair. “I always wanted to do this with you.”

“What? Have me go on a date with James Potter and torture you like mad?”

“No. Be up here, looking at the stars, holding you, kissing you.”

“You haven’t kissed me.”

“I can fix that.” His head bent and he tenderly took her lips in his.

When he broke away, she smiled up at him and asked, “what else does this dream of yours include?”

“Hmm. Well, we definitely need a blanket.” He flicked his wand at his satchel, summoning a book and transfiguring it into a rich blue surface.

“Now what?”

“Now we lay here, stare at the stars and tell each other stories.”

“That sounds good.”

Together, they sank down on the blanket and cuddled up in each other’s arms. Severus was halfway through the story about the seven sisters when Lily sat up and looked down at him. “Sev, there is no surprise is there?”

“What?” He struggled to sit up.

“Last night, you and Remus weren’t planning a surprise, were you? You were getting the information out of Mulciber.”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I didn’t want you involved.”

“Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course. You know I trust you more than anyone.” She looked at him doubtfully so he continued, “look Lil, Remus is better at being devious than you, and he’s not as obvious.”

“What do you mean?”

“It was easier to play off that he’s interested in potentially being a Death Eater. And it won’t be a big deal when he changes his mind. That wouldn’t be the case with you. Believe me, this was the best way. The only way.”

“I thought you would want me to help.”

“You were my first choice, truly. But I can’t risk anything happening to you.”

“Yet I’m supposed to be alright with something happening to you?”

“I wasn’t in any danger.”

“So that bruise on your arm was nothing?”

“I told you…”

“I know what you told me and we both know it was a lie. Avery hurt you and then you turn around and tell me it doesn’t matter.”

“You know, Lil, you’re awfully selective about who you get angry at.”

“What in the hell does that mean?”

He rose from the blanket and circled the tower. _Please let me stop, please let me not row with Lily, not now. Not when I finally have what I’ve been dreaming of._ He took several breaths in, trying to calm himself. Not wanting to speak all the things that had been bubbling inside of him for weeks now.

“Well?” She snapped.

At the sound of her voice it was as if something deep inside of him broke. Some barrier that made him hold back, smile and pretend everything was alright between them disappeared in an instant. “Would you listen to yourself? Black almost has me killed, not once but twice and it’s all forgiveness and compassion. Avery gives me one little bruise and he’s the worst sort of evil. Do you know how hypocritical you sound?”

Her eyes grew wide at his statement. “It’s different.”

“You bet it is. One thing I recover from and the other, well, I’m gone forever. Of course, you’ve already said you’d forgive Black for that so why am I surprised?”

“I never said I’d forgive Sirius if you died!”

“You did! You said it to my face, without any thought for how it would make me feel.”

“No, Sev, I said I hoped I’d find forgiveness in my heart. That doesn’t… Sev, don’t mistake mercy for forgiveness. Just because I gave one does not mean I gave the other.”

He shook his head. “What are you talking about?”

“If I forgave Sirius would he be spending all of next year in detention?”

“Fall term.”

“No, the whole year.”

“When did you…?”

“After his little display by the forest.”

“Oh. I didn’t… but how can you just let it go, Lily? How could you even think about forgiving him? I would never, ever forgive someone if they killed you. The thought wouldn’t even cross my mind. Do you know how it made me feel to hear you say that? Because it hurt. You hurt me, Lily.”

She sighed and stretched out her hand to him. “Come here, I want to tell you a story.”

Was she insane? He told her all of that and her response was to tell him a story?

“Please, Sev, it’ll explain things for you, I hope.” she waved him over, and he found himself back on the blanket by her side, curious to hear how she could possibly justify what she had said to him. “What I’m about to tell you is something we don’t talk about in my family, so please don’t tell anyone else.”

He nodded his head and waited for her to begin. For several moments she gazed up at the stars and when the story began her voice was so hushed he had to strain to hear it. “I know you don’t know this, but my father had a brother, Sebastian.”

Severus started. In eight years he’d never once heard of Daniel Evans having a brother. Lily gave him no chance to comment but continued on without missing a beat. “Daddy thought Uncle Bastian was perfect, the best big brother in all the world. They were as close as two brothers could possibly be… Everywhere one went, the other was. They wouldn’t to do anything without each other…

“So when Granny wanted to send Dad to London to be with his Grandmother he refused to go without Bastian. You see, Granddad had already joined the R.A.F. and Granny had to go to work, so she couldn’t be there to mind Dad. She thought Uncle Bastian was old enough to look after himself, but Daddy… Her idea was that Dad would stay in London where his grandmother could keep an eye on him. When Dad found out about the plan…” Lily gave a sad little laugh. “He had found these old handcuffs somewhere and he handcuffed himself to his bed. He said if Uncle Bastian wasn’t going, he wasn’t going. Finally, Granny was forced to agree.

“So Dad and Uncle Bastian went to live in London. They settled down, went to school and tried to live as normal a life as possible in the midst of the war. Then the bombings started. Daddy always said anytime he heard a siren it made him think of the air raids, even if it was just the police going by.

“Anyway, there was this very old woman, Mrs. Scott, living down the street from them. Dad said she must have been close to a hundred. She would tell them all sorts of stories about the Boer War and seeing the first gas lights go into the houses in her neighbourhood or Queen Victoria riding through the streets. Uncle Bastian was a huge history buff; his dream was actually to become a history professor someday. The thought that he could talk to someone who had live through all of it was amazing to him. He and Mrs. Scott ended up becoming very close.

“Now, Mrs. Scott was so old she couldn’t walk particularly well. So, my uncle use to run her errands for her and she would pay him in sweets she had saved. He had a sweet tooth apparently, like you.” Lily reached out and took his hand. Severus had no idea what this had to do with him but was fascinated all the same.

“Because she was infirmed, whenever the bombing started Uncle Bastian would run to Mrs. Scott’s and get her out to the Anderson shelter he built for her in her garden. You remember, my mum and dad met during an air raid, don’t you?”

Severus nodded, his eyes fixated on her. “Well, that night Uncle Bastian went to help Mrs. Scott as always. The bombing was so bad my great grandmother told my uncle they needed to go to the tube station with everyone else. Actually, I think she wanted Uncle Bastian to forget about Mrs. Scott altogether but he wouldn’t. Nobody knows why, but Uncle Bastian decided to take her to the Anderson shelter instead of the tube station and that’s where they were when the bomb hit the garden. They never had a chance and were both killed instantly.”

Lily paused, a tear running down her cheek. Severus reached out and brushed it away. “That’s a sad story, Lily but I don’t understand what it has to do with me or Sirius or you forgiving him.”

“I’m getting to that. Do you remember when we were ten, that German family moved in down the street from me?”

“Yes. The Schmidts right?”

“Yes. Well a rumour went around the neighbourhood that he had been a Nazi officer during the war and everyone avoided the family, everyone, except Dad. I didn’t understand how he could be so nice to them. After all, the Nazis were the reason Uncle Bastian had died, that my grandfather had died.

“One night, I went to Dad and I asked him why he didn’t hate the Schmidts, especially Mr. Schmidt. And do you know what Dad said?” She looked Severus dead in the eye and he could only shake his head slowly in response. “He told me, he couldn’t. He said he hated what had happened, hated the war, hated that both his father and his brother had died. Hated all the death and destruction, but he couldn’t hate the Nazis, because if he did then he was no better than they were.

“Dad said you could hate actions, hate results but you should never, ever hate a person because you could never know why they did what they did. He said none of us has the right to judge another person because we don’t know what we would do if we were in the same situation. I felt so ashamed for how I had acted towards the Schmidts. From that day on, I’ve strived to be the way that Dad said we should be, tried to judge actions and not people.”

“But doesn’t it come down to the same thing in the end? You’re still judging, still hating.”

“Yes and no. Judging an idea, an action that’s not the same as hating a person.”

He didn’t understand and couldn’t even pretend to. It all sounded the same to him. “But…”

“I’m not saying it’s an easy idea to wrap your brain around or even that I always succeed, but I do try.”

“So you’re saying you forgive Black but not what he did.”

“Something like that. Sev, I truly believe there is good in Sirius, that he just didn’t think what he was doing through. I don’t believe he meant for you to die and for that reason I am willing to give him mercy.” He must have looked as confused as he felt because she sighed and looked to the sky, as if searching for a way to explain it better. “Take your father for instance…”

“What does my father have to do with anything?”

“Dad would say we shouldn’t hate your father, we must have faith he loves you deep down, instead, we should hate what he does to you.”

“I don’t think I can make that distinction.”

“I have to admit I have a hard time with that one myself. Just like I have a hard time with the knowledge Avery deliberately set out to hurt you.”

“So did Black.”

“No. Sirius set out to give you a fright and … well never mind his reasons for the second time. He never thought about the repercussions of his actions beyond the ends he wanted. I don’t think it crossed his mind you could end up dead or seriously hurt. To me there is a difference between that and setting out to hurt someone on purpose. Therefore Sirius deserves mercy.”

He let out a deep breath. Trying to understand her thinking was making his head hurt. Then a thought popped into his mind unbidden. “If you believe what you’re telling me, why weren’t you going to forgive me for calling you a – well, you know?”

He looked at her accusingly. Lily squirmed a little on the blanket and sighed. “I really hoped I would never have to tell you this story.”

“I think I’m going to insist.”

“Fine, but you can’t interrupt and you have to promise not to laugh or tell me I’m silly.”

She had really thrown him for a loop now. “I promise.”

“You remember how in second year we had to pick out extra classes? I picked divination because I thought it would be interesting to be able to tell the future. You laughed and said it was silly and a waste of time.”

She looked at him and he supposed he was meant to answer. “Yes.”

“Well, first term, Professor Reverie made us keep dream diaries and that’s when it started. The first time I had the nightmare I brushed it off. I told myself it meant nothing, but then I had it again and again.

“No matter how the dream started, it would always end the same, with someone laughing, the most cold, heartless laugh I have ever heard, then the person would call me mudblood and shout the killing curse… That person was always you. By the end of fifth year, I must have been having it at least once a week. So, when you called me mudblood that day it was like the nightmare was coming true.

“I wondered if the dream was some sort of prophecy. If that was how it would all end, with you killing me. I suppose I thought if you were gone, if we weren’t friends anymore, then maybe it wouldn’t hurt so badly to see you looking at me with so much hate when the time came, or maybe it wouldn’t happen at all.”

She was crying now and his only thought was to pull her into his arms and rock her back and forth. He could feel a lump forming in his throat. “Lil, why didn’t you just tell me?” He sounded despondent, even to his own ears.

“I thought you would laugh it off and tell me it meant nothing.”

“No – no. I do think divination classes are pointless, you either have the sight or you don’t. But dreams –  I think dreams tell us things we don’t want to face, things we’re too scared to admit, even to ourselves. I would have never laughed at you for that…God, Lily, I’m sorry. If there was one thing in my life I could take back, it would be that moment.”

Lily pulled back and wiped at her tears. “You want to hear something really funny?”

He nodded slowly, wondering what she could tell him about that day that could possibly be humorous.

“I’m actually not sorry it happened.”

“What?” His whole world was reeling now.

“If you hadn’t called me that name then we would have never talked that day in the Spot. We would still have all those secrets between us and I probably wouldn’t be here in your arms. So you see, it was worth it in the end, even if we couldn’t see it at the time.”

“Lily, does your thinking mean you forgive what I said but not me?”

“No, I forgive you.” She reached out and brushed his hair back. “I think I would have forgiven you sooner or later no matter what…You know, there were times in the nightmares when we would fight, have a huge duel and somehow I could never bring myself to kill you. Every time I would look at you, I could only see this sweet, shy boy standing in a playpark looking for all the world like all he wanted was a friend. I still see you that way sometimes.”

“You think I would have changed at least somewhat.”

She laughed lightly before answering. “Maybe a little. But I think at heart you’re still that shy little boy. And that’s not so bad is it? After all, I chose to make that boy my best friend. He’s the reason I’m still here; why I keep holding on. For the boy who dared to share his deepest secret with me, took me in and let me know I was special.  It’s why you calling me that hurt _so_ badly. Sev, I have loved you from the very moment I first called you my best friend and I thought you didn’t love me any more… You broke my heart that day, so I broke yours and I’m sorry for that.”

“Lily, I’m sor…”

She pressed a finger to his lips “Shh. You don’t have to apologize for that day ever again. I don’t even want to talk about it after tonight. Just know I forgive you from the bottom of my heart… You should also know, if Sirius had killed you I don’t think I would have forgiven him. I would have tried, I would have wanted to, but I don’t think I would have succeeded.”

All he could do was whisper her name and pull her close. He couldn’t say he understood her ideas on forgiveness, maybe he never would. He only knew he loved her and things were infinitely more complex in her mind than he had ever imagined.

Lily gave him a tight hug and mumbled against his chest. “I know this was defiantly not part of how you envisioned this whole astronomy tower date.”

“No, there was certainly no crying or mind numbing philosophy.”

She moved away slightly, lying down on the blanket and pulling him down with her. “How about we try this over again then…I seem to recall you were telling me about the seven sisters.” She smiled and snuggled down, her head pillowed on his chest. He ran a hand over the thick expanse of her hair before clearing his throat. “But, before you start, I think I should tell you, in the attempt to be completely honest with my boyfriend…”

“That’s the first time you’ve called me that.”

She raised her head and looked at him questioningly. “Is it?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I intend to call you it a lot more often from here on out.” The words had barely left her mouth before her lips fell on his.

“What is it you wanted to tell me in the name of honesty?” he asked several minutes later.

She smiled at him wickedly and laid her head back on his chest. “I really hate that mint ice cream you always make us share.”

“Why didn’t you say?”

“Because, I love to see you smile.”

He gave a little chuckle. “If we’re being honest, then I should probably tell you I actually like orange Smarties.”

“Sev!” She shot up and gave him a mock glare.

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her, easing her down until her head was on his chest once again. “But it’s worth it not to have them just to make you happy.”

“And now we’re both silly.”

“I think I’m okay with that in this instance.”

They both gave a laugh and Severus began his tale of the seven sisters once again.

 


	35. Homecoming

Lily awoke to the sound of a bird chirping happily in her ear. She gave a small moan and reached for her pillow to pull it over her head and drown out the sound. Instead, her hand hit something much more solid. It was only then she realized her side was extremely sore and her bed was nowhere near as comfortable as usual. Reluctantly, she opened her eyes, surprised to see the open sky instead of the canopy of her four-poster. The pillow underneath her stirred and Lily raised her head. She was hardly shocked to see Severus lying there. Once she moved, he gave a mumble, scrunched up his nose and rolled over on his side, wincing slightly in his sleep.

The sun was just peaking over the horizon and it was becoming clear to Lily that she and Severus had fallen asleep on top of the astronomy tower. She could only hope their housemates would overlook their mutual absence from their dorms, but she wasn’t terribly optimistic. The only way either of them could hope to avoid discovery was to return to their beds as quickly as possible. Then they would be able to say they were out late and everyone had been asleep when they returned. Luckily, Slytherins and Gryffindors rarely spoke to one another or no doubt it would have been all over the school in minutes that neither Lily Evans nor Severus Snape had made it back to their beds the night before. Where the speculation would go from there she could only imagine.

Lily gazed down at Severus, brushing his hair back from his forehead. Her fingers lightly caressed the contours of his face. His cheeks were rough to the touch; he clearly needed a shave, something she had never thought about him doing before. Her gaze intensified, taking in every nuance of him, the way he breathed, the slight indent in his upper lip. He looked so innocent and peaceful, so beautiful laying there, the first rays of sunlight filtering over him. She was tempted to lie down again and fall back to sleep in his arms for another few hours, but she thought that might be tempting fate a little too much, seeing as how she wasn’t sure how they had managed to escape detection thus far. So, she reached out a hand and shook his shoulder.

“Sev, wake up.” He gave a groan. “Dearest, you have to wake up.”  This time he muttered something incomprehensible and rolled onto his other side, throwing his arm across his eyes. “Severus, come on.”

The arm slowly slid from his face and a pair of bleary eyes looked up at her. “Lily?”

“Yes.”

“How did you get in the…Why is it so bright in here?”

“We fell asleep on the Astronomy tower.”

She could tell the information was taking a moment to seep in. Finally, Severus sat up. “Bollucks! If Filch finds us up here.”

“I know. We have to get back. Do you think it would be better to try and sneak back to our common rooms now or wait until the rush starts and slip in with the crowd?”

He stared hard at her, apparently trying to decide which course to take. “How would we explain where we were all night?”

“Came back late and left early?”

“And if anyone figures out we both did that it will be all over school we’re together.”

“Let people figure out we’re together then.”

“I thought we decided we didn’t want people to know yet.”

“Actually, I thought we hadn’t made a decision yet.”

“Lil, if it’s all the same to you I would like to wait until exams are over. I need to focus on studying and can’t handle Potter’s antics right now. Of course, I wouldn’t be opposed to you telling him to bugger off and leave my girlfriend alone in some other way.” He started to lean in and then abruptly pulled away.

Lily looked at him perplexedly. “If I’m going to tell him the truth I’m going to tell him all of it, thank you very much. Does my breath smell that bad?”

“What?”

“You started to kiss me and then stopped. Does my breath stink or something?” She held her hand up in front of her mouth and blew a couple of quick bursts into it.

Severus gave a chuckle. “No, but I was afraid mine might.”

“I think I’ll risk morning breath to snog you.” She stated leaning in.

Lily’s eyes where sparkling with laughter when they broke the kiss. She raised her hand and rubbed it across his cheek. “You really need a shave.”

“Not a fan of the scruffy look huh?”

“No, it’s too rough when you kiss me.”

“Hmm, maybe I should keep it until after exams then.”

“I didn’t say it would stop me snogging you, I just said it’s wouldn’t be as good of a snog.”

“In that case, we should get back to our common rooms so that I can get rid of my stubble.” Severus leaned in and pressed her lips with his. “I’m not sure I could handle not being the best at something.” With a laugh they scrambled up. Severus transfigured the blanket back into his book and thrust it into his bag.

Once they reached the bottom of the staircase, Lily grudgingly let go of his hand. “I’m not sure I want to do this until the end of term.”

“What?”

“Sneak around.”

“It was your idea to begin with.”

“And I was being a huge dunderhead, to use my best friend’s favourite term.”

“Your best friend would never call you that,” he said with a small smile. “Just give me until after exams.” Severus requested as pushed her hair back behind her ears. “I don’t like this any better than you do, but I’m so behind Lil.”

“Sev, I know you. You can’t be that far behind.”

Severus sighed. “I really am. What with being sick and the whole Bones thing, I’m not yet back to being in top form.” She continued to look sceptical so he quickly threw in. “Lily, if I want to work for Hippos my marks have to be impeccable.”

“Oh please, I saw the way that man looked at you.”

“And how was that?”

“Like he had finally found someone worthy of his tutelage. You could probably fail every exam this term and he would still take you.”

“Hmm, I think I’d prefer not to test that theory.” Severus shifted on the step. “We should go before we get caught.”

“So I’ll see you tonight?”

Severus hesitated before answering. “Alright. I’ll be in the library. But tonight is about study only.” He tried to look stern as he said it but his laughing eyes belied the severity of his expression.

“Of course.” Lily gave a laugh, blew him a kiss and walked out the door.

He waited several minutes before leaving the tower staircase, convinced no one would hang around long enough to catch them both. Sure enough, the passageway was deserted when he emerged, and when Severus arrived in the dorm every one of his roommates was still asleep. So all he had to do was muss his bed a little, grab his things and head to the shower. Perhaps that morning was an omen of how the last few weeks of term would go.

Two days later, the news that Archibald Bones had been rescued spread like wild fire through the school. The impact of the liberation was perhaps greatest in the Slytherin common room. Vincent was frantic about the future of his family. The elder Mr. Mulciber had been forced to flee the country, while Mrs. Mulciber was brought in for questioning; it was a mark of the Dark Lord’s increasing power she was let go after only a single night in Azkaban. Voldemort, it was reported, was searching amidst his followers for the person who had let Bones’ location slip. The ranks were clearly tightening and letters from Lucius contained no further details about the Death Eater’s activities.  Still, Severus had no regrets about what he had done. And most encouraging of all neither Avery nor Mulciber appeared to have guessed he had been instrumental in Bones’ freeing. The success of this mission made him feel infinitely more confident about his ability to escape the group all together.

Though, if he were being entirely truthful with himself, then he had to admit his success did cause him to briefly contemplate playing both sides against the middle. It was a thought that was swiftly dismissed when he saw the looks that both Lily and Remus gave him. Those looks of mingled pride, awe and respect sent surges of satisfaction the likes of which he had never known through him. He liked those looks; they made him feel worthwhile and honoured. And the fact they were coming from others, including both the head boy and Professor Dumbledore, led him to believe Remus had not kept quiet about where he had gotten his information.

Adding to his general good frame of mind, was the fact that Black and Potter were leaving him alone. He doubted strongly they knew of his involvement in the plot to free Bones but he was grateful for the peace all the same. Thus with persistent studying he was able to catch up on all of his classes and was confident he had done well on every one of his exams. It seemed his tutees had performed equally well. His investment in some of them had become so great he had found himself waiting in the entrance hall on the day Ametus had his Potions O.W.L. Lily had laughed a little at the level of his dedication but had sat by his side none the less, quizzing him on Defense Against Dark Arts while they waited. When Ametus had emerged from the Great Hall beaming triumphantly Severus couldn’t help but feel proud.

As Lily had predicted, hiding had become increasingly difficult and they narrowly missed being caught snogging on several occasions. Strangely it was Peter Pettigrew who watched them most intently. Severus had never been at ease in the other boy’s company and his level of discomfort increased now, to the extent there were times when he had almost blurted out the truth just to get the boy’s creepy eyes off of them.

After numerous discussions, Severus and Lily had decided she would tell James about their new relationship at King’s Cross. She had originally suggested telling Potter on the last day of exams but Severus had been wary about this idea. Surprisingly Remus had backed him up. He had told Lily he was worried about how James would react to the news so it might be best if James had some time to recover, away from the winner. Privately Severus was concerned this would give Potter and Black far too much time to plot their revenge but he supposed at least this way he would have three months of tranquillity before the onslaught began.

It was a cloudy Saturday morning when Severus boarded the Hogwarts Express convinced it was going to be a great summer. On Monday, he had gotten a letter from Cris inviting him to spend a fortnight at the Hall’s country house. Then, the next day, Eileen had sent an owl with the usual inquiry about his trip home and the information Tobias was still sober and things were stable at Spinner’s End. Lily had come up with more plans than they could possibly accomplish during an entire year let alone their summer holidays. She had even mentioned him going on the annual Evans’ family summer trip but he had yet to commit to that idea.

Staring out the window, he was amazed at the difference a year could make in your life. He smiled at the memory of how depressed he had been on this very same trip only twelve months ago. Then he had spent the journey with a group of strangers, listening to their whispers and contributing nothing, now the compartment was buzzing with soft chatter. Clive and Ametus were discussing classes and summer plans and Urania was clearly listening because she interjected a comment every now and again. There was laughter and everyone was relaxed. He was relaxed, not even bothering to pull out a book. While he couldn’t say he was truly friends with anyone in the compartment several had been upgraded to the level of peers. The best part of all was any minute Lily would slide open the door and sit by his side.

Not ten minutes after he had this thought, Lily entered the compartment, throwing a comment back at someone over her shoulder. Severus was surprised to see Remus, Sabrina, Frank and Alice file in after her. The compartment was now overflowing with people and Alice was forced to sit on her boyfriend’s lap. None of them stayed long, exchanging news of holiday plans and promises to write. Remus and Sabrina were the first to leave, the sandy haired boy stating they better go before Sirius came to track them down. Remus’ joy at being with Sabrina had been so overwhelming his good will had extended to Black, and the two were back to being friends again though there was still a distance there that might never be overcome.

“Severus, have a good holiday. Try not to study too hard.”

“Oh Rem, Severus isn’t going to study over the summer.”

Lily led the laughter that filled the compartment. “I can assure you, the longest I have ever known Sev to go without studying is about three days.”

“I didn’t study at all that week I was ill.” Severus interjected.

Widened eyes stared back at him and Remus shook his head. “You really were sick weren’t you?”

Severus shrugged. “Guess so.”

“On that note, we’re off.”

Sabrina gave Lily a hug. “Let us know when a good date for you is.”

“Of course. Good luck on Wednesday, owl me and let us know how you do.”

“Alice, we should think about going as well. I have some people I’d like to see before I leave.” Frank smiled at them all sadly. “I can’t believe this is my last trip.”

Alice looked teary eyed and Frank impulsively grabbed Lily and hugged her. “You’re a great prefect, Lily.”

“Frank, you’re acting as if I’ll never see you again.”

“But it won’t be the same.” Frank looked really choked up now. “Severus.” he held out his hand to the younger boy. Severus stood and took the large hand in his own. “You’ll go far, I know. It has been a genuine pleasure getting to know you this year.” Severus made to remove his hand but was stopped by the head boy’s next words. “And just so you know, you got my recommendation.”

He knew exactly what Frank was talking about and felt his eyes grow huge in response to the unexpected compliment. “Thanks.”

“Okay, I think Alice and I should go before I make a total arse of myself. Remember, savour next year, it’ll go faster than you think.” With that, Frank exited the compartment. Alice followed, after giving Lily a hug and waving at Severus.

Once the horde had left Severus settled himself back into his seat. He watched as Lily glanced towards the door and he knew she was contemplating finding Potter and having it done with. Gently, he grasped her hand. “When we get off.”

Lily turned to face him, chewing on her bottom lip. “You think?”

“Yes.”

The entire compartment watched as she nodded and took the seat next to him. Giving a sigh, Lily leaned her head against the window and watched the fields flashing by. Severus exhaled his own breath and finally dug out a book. He became engrossed quickly, hardly noticing the fact that while Lily let go of his hand each time he turned a page the moment it fell back on the seat it was in hers again.

It was not a fact that was missed by the compartment’s other occupants. Urania fixed her eyes on Lily with a look that was truly intimidating. While the two boys in the corner whispered about the current state of the two sixth year’s relationship. Severus ignored it all for the most part, though Urania’s stare was disconcerting. He was just thankful the hiding would be over in a few short hours. Besides Lily was nervous enough without having him get into a temper and having a row with his housemate.

By the time they pulled into King’s Cross, Lily’s grip on Severus’ hand was so tight he was certain he would never again be able to move his knuckles. He waited until everyone had left the compartment before standing, Lily remained in her seat still clutching his hand. “I’m really going to hurt him aren’t I?”

Severus could see Potter laughing and hugging a grey haired woman out on the platform. He wished he still had it in him to lie to Lily but somehow he had lost that knack during the course of the year. “Probably.”

“Sev, be completely honest with me, is there any way to tell him he and I are a no go without breaking his heart?”

Severus sighed and sat back down on the plush cushion. “Not that I can think of. Though I have to say if it were me, I really wouldn’t want to hear the ‘I hope we can still be friends’ line.”

“But I would like to be friends with him.”

He hated the idea of Lily being friends with Potter so couldn’t stop himself from asking, “do you have to?”

“Sev.”

“Fine, but it’s still not a great line to hear.”

“Hmm.” She turned her eyes back to the window.

“Just be you. Lil, you’re so kind you’re bound to say the right thing.”

She looked unconvinced. “I don’t know. I just wish it were all over.”

“It will be soon. I’m going to take our trunks and go out to the station. I’ll let Violet know you’re on your way alright? You take all the time you need.”

Lily looked up at him and for a moment he was fearful she was going to ask him to come with her but she only nodded her head. Severus pulled the trunks down and Lily helped him load them onto a trolley, clearly trying to delay her conversation with Potter. Figuring it no longer mattered who saw them, Severus gave her a quick peck on the lips before passing through the barrier.

Violet was standing only a few feet away when he emerged. He crossed over to her swiftly. Violet’s green eyes took him in critically. “Hello, Severus.”

“Hello, Violet.”

“How are you feeling?”

Severus knew Lily had written to her mother about his week in hiding and he was happy his well-being mattered so much to the woman in front of him. “I’m fine now, thank you.”

“I’m not so sure about that. You look like you’ve lost at least a stone, and you’re as pale as a sheet of paper.”

“I’m always pale, Vi.”

“Not this pale. Oh well, give us a few weeks and we’ll have you right back in tip-top shape.” Violet looked over his shoulder before asking, “Where is Lily?”

“Oh, she needed to talk to a schoolmate about something. She’ll be here any minute.”

Violet smiled and nodded. “How was term?”

“It was good for the most part, except for that one week of course.”

“And your exams?”

“I’m not sure how I did since I lost a week of study time.”

“I am certain you did your best and that’s all that you can do.”

Severus nodded and turned to look at the barrier. He wondered how things were going between Lily and Potter. Would the Gryffindor coming bursting through the barrier to torment him any moment? Luckily, Violet’s continuing conversation served as a distraction. “I was hoping I could get you to help me do a few household repairs this summer. The boy I hired is completely useless.” She shook her head in frustration.

“How so?”

“He painted over the peeling wallpaper in the guestroom, in the wrong colour no less. The hedges out front look, appalling is the only word I can think of, and the shed…”

“What did he do to the shed?” There was a hint of anxiety in his voice.

“He ran into it with the mower, tore a hole in the wall and I haven’t seen him since. If I had known I never would have paid him.”

“He took money from you?” Severus asked incredulously.

“Yes, so if you would be willing to help right his damages that would be marvellous. I will, of course, pay you for any jobs that you do.”

“Vi, I would be pleased to help you but I don’t want your money.”

“I hardly expect you to work for free.” Severus opened his mouth to protest again but Violet cut him off. “I will brook no arguments on this point, Severus. If you won’t let me pay you then I’ll find someone who will.”

He thought it a needless waste of money but his further protests were stopped by Lily’s appearance. He could tell at a glance she was horribly upset. Without a word to Violet, he crossed the distance separating them and took her into his arms. Lily held on to him tightly whispering against his chest, “that was awful.”

“I’m certain it was.”

“The way he looked at me.” She shook her head, as if to dislodge the memory of what just happened. “I never want to do that to someone else as long as I live. I felt like the most heartless person alive.”

“That I _don’t_ believe.”

“I said the friends thing. I know you told me not to, but I felt like I had to give him something. He looked so much more devastated after that I wished I could take it back.”

He gripped her tighter. Severus knew Lily had most likely been incredibly sweet about the whole thing and that had probably only made it worse. For a half a heartbeat, he felt a stirring of pity for his arch-rival, yet at the same time, he was unbelievably happy the words hadn’t been directed at him. “I’m positive you were very nice to Potter.”

“I tried to be, but still…”

He searched for the right thing to say but even in his mind they all sounded bad. The only thing he could think to do was hug her. “It’ll be alright.” he whispered into her hair.

Lily pulled back and gave him a watery smile. “I know, just like I know I’m being silly. It’s not as if James is going to die of a broken heart is he?”

“I think that is a relatively rare occurrence. One that mostly happens in melodramas and I think it’s safe to say we’re not living in one of those.”

It turned out, this was the right thing to say because Lily laughed before taking his hand and leading him back towards her mother. Violet glanced at the joined hands for a moment and smiled slightly before pulling her daughter into a bone-crushing hug. It took a few moments for them to make their way to the car but at long last they loaded the two trunks into the boot and climbed into the dark vehicle.

Lily had insisted she and Severus ride in the back seat together, so they spent most of the trip with her head laying on his shoulder and their hands clasped. Severus caught Violet watching them in the mirror several times. She, at least, would not need to be told that her daughter and her best friend were now a couple.

Given the glances, Severus half expected Violet to say something about the burgeoning relationship, and came up with what he felt were reasonable answers to any objections she might raise about Lily dating a boy from a less than illustrious background. The expected objections never came; in fact, Violet said nothing about the union at all. Instead, the car ride was filled with talk about plans for the summer.

Like Severus, Lily had been invited to spend several weeks in the country with the Halls. Cris had booked a vacation for Violet as a birthday present so she would be in Tuscany for a fortnight, prompting her to ask Severus to stop by and check on the girls daily while she was away.

Far too soon, the car turned onto Spinner’s End. Violet had tried to persuade him to come to Bloom Street for dinner but Severus wanted to spend some time alone with Eileen before his father turned up home and so had refused. Besides, the air was heavy with humidity and the sky was turning dark and he didn’t relish the idea of walking home in the middle of the storm, dragging his trunk with him. Lily scrambled out of the back seat to help him pull his trunk from the boot. Once the trunk was on the street he looked warily towards the front seat. Would it be right to kiss Lily in front of Violet? He was debating what the correct thing to do was when Lily made the choice for them, rose up on her toes and pressed her lips to his.

His arms instinctively wrapped around her and pulled her body close to his. He tried to remember at least one of their parents was watching and not kiss her too passionately. This was the reason he pulled away sooner than he usually would have. Lily gave him one last hug and climbed in to the front seat of the car. Severus stood and watched the car drive down the street. Once it had disappeared from view he grabbed the leather handles of the trunk and entered his house.

Just like at Christmas, the residence was remarkably still, only the sound of the approaching storm could be heard. But this time the air in the room smelled stale, as if the windows hadn’t been opened in months. The ripped corner of wallpaper had been completely torn away, revealing the plaster underneath. Dust lay heavy on the surface of the wood trim, Severus was surprised; usually Eileen was a meticulous housekeeper, maybe because she wasn’t allowed to do anything else. He hastily pushed the front door shut with his foot.

“Who’s there?” Eileen called out from upstairs.

“Me,” Severus returned.

She must not have heard him well because she crossed the floor and called down the stairwell. “Severus, is that you?”

“Yes, mum.” Severus shifted the trunk, trying to get a better grip on the handles, and mounted the stairs. Not for the first time, he wished he could just levitate the wretched thing to his room.

He was half way up the staircase when he looked up and saw Eileen at the top. “Merlin, I thought you were coming home tomorrow.”

“I sent you an owl telling you I would be home today.”

“I must have read it wrong. Severus, your father…” There was a bump from the sidewalk outside and Eileen glanced down the stairs worriedly. “Severus, go into the spare room and wait for me.”

“Mum?” He wondered if he sounded as confused as he felt.

His mother grabbed his arm and pushed him up the stairs. “Severus, please go.”

Severus shuffled down the upstairs hallway. He pushed on the door at the end of the hall and stepped into the dilapidated room. The air was musty, little puffs of dust rose with each step he took into the room. The Snapes had given up using this room years before when part of the ceiling had collapsed. Though from the looks of the cauldron and books scattered around his mother had chosen this as a place to continue her practice of magic.

He gave a sigh and placed the trunk down gently on the stained floor. What new disaster could have befallen them? He slowly circled the room, looking at his mother’s impressive collection of books, they were mostly stored in wooden crates, though many were piled on the floor or lay on top of the table with the cauldron. These books were the only things left of Eileen’s former life, smuggled to her after her marriage by a beloved house elf.

“It wasn’t him,” Eileen announced as she glided into the room.

“Mum, what is going on? Why am I hiding like a common criminal in my own house?”

She heaved a great sigh before raising her dark eyes to meet the identical pair looking at her. “Severus, I honestly meant to meet you at King’s Cross so I could explain what was happening there.” Eileen fidgeted with a flask on the table as she talked a sure sign that she was nervous. “A few days ago I told your father that by the laws of the wizarding world you had come of age.”

“Why did you do that?”

“I thought it would help. That perhaps he would leave you alone if he knew you were now free to retaliate. Unfortunately, my plan backfired somewhat.”

Severus’ heart was in his throat. He was almost certain he knew where this was going and the fear was more overwhelming than he had ever imagined it would be. He wanted to beg his mother not to continue. As childish as it sounded, in his heart he felt if she didn’t say the words then it wouldn’t be true.

But Eileen was not to be deterred by his unvoiced wish. “Your father feels since you are of age you should make your own way in the world.”

“I’m still in school.”

His mother reached out a hand and brushed his hair back from his eyes. “I did try to tell him that but he wants you out anyway.”

“Where am I supposed to go mum?”

“Surely one of your friends could take you for a little while, the Malfoys or the Mulcibers.”

“No, none of them are going to take in a destitute half-blood.”

“Maybe I could write to Ara Malfoy.”

“Please don’t. Lucius already told me his mother doesn’t like me. She was the one who told Lucius not to invite me to the wedding.”

Eileen sighed again. “We were such good friends when we were young. Could you perhaps stay with Lucius once he was married?”

“That won’t be until the end of July. What am I meant to do between now and then?”

“I am so sorry my princling. I did mean to help.”

“I know, mum.”

For several minutes they stood staring at each other clearly not knowing what to say about this development. Finally Eileen turned and left the room. Severus had no idea where she was going but if he was getting thrown out of the house then he was cleaning out his spot. Fearlessly, he left the room and entered his own. Not surprisingly almost every trace of him had already been removed. The bed had been stripped and disassembled. Likewise the wardrobe was emptied, not that there had been much left in there. Other than the few articles left in the hole in the floor the only thing he wanted was the picture that Lily had given him right after they had become friends.

He pulled the floorboard away and emptied the contents of the cavity into a paper sack he had found by the door. While his eyes frantically searched the room for the framed picture. Once the sack was filled he raced around the room looking for the print of a manor nestled in the midst of dark trees and glacial mountains. It was his dream, the home he had based his fantasies on.

“It’s in the other room.” Severus jumped as he heard his mother’s voice at the door. He spun quickly to face her. She gave him a wistful smile. “I knew you would want to keep it.”

“Thank you.”

“Here.” She held out a wad of notes to him. “This should be enough to get you a room for a few days. By then maybe I can talk your father in to letting you come back. If not, I’ll find you someplace. I’m still in contact with a few of my old friends.”

For the first time Severus really looked at his mother. He could see all the worry and remorse in her eyes. “It’s alright, mum. I’ll figure it out, okay?” He crossed to the desk and pulled open one of the drawers, hoping his father hadn’t gotten around to clearing out the muggle items yet. Sure enough, the drawer contained a pile of paper and a pen. He quickly scribbled a few lines on the paper before thrusting it at his mother.

“This is Lily’s phone number and address. No matter what, she’ll know how to get a hold of me.”

“Severus, I’m not certain I want you to stay there.”

A spark of anger flared up in him. “I didn’t say I was. And I’m hardly in the position to be picky am I?”

“Don’t get short with me. I just want you to be with your peers, people who are your equals.”

This was no time to get into a pure-blood debate with his mother so he let it go but his mother seemed poised to continue but was stopped when the front door slammed.

“Your father, go in the spare room and I’ll sneak you out later!” Every muscle in Eileen’s body seemed to tense with dread.

“Don’t worry, I can get myself out.” Severus gave his mother a quick hug and kiss before rushing from the room. He had just closed the door when his father thundered up the stairs and into the hall.

“I should have known I would find you in the brat’s room. You better have told him not to come back here.”

“Tobias, please let Severus come home, at least until he’s through with school.”

“No! If he’s of age he can bloody well stop free loading off of me. You tell that bastard if he shows his face around here I’ll make him wish he hadn’t.”

“Tobias, he’s your son.”

“Then it’s time he acted like it, I got a job as soon as I was able to, or do you people not believe in work?”

There was no reply from Eileen and Severus knew she would say no more on his behalf tonight. He quietly searched the room for his picture. Once he found it, he removed it from the frame and put it and the paper bag in his trunk. He shoved the pound notes into his pocket. Then, taking a piece of rope, he threaded it around the leather bands of his trunk.

The house was once again silent as he slid open the window and prepared to leave. Since his house was an end unit he had neighbours only on one side. Below him was only the empty rubbish strewn lot. There was no drainpipe to scale down here or convenient climbing plant to use to ease his way to the ground. He had no choice but to either use the uneven bricks as hand holes or use magic. The magic option was definitely more tempting but he shuttered to think of what would happen to his mother if an owl arrived at the house looking for him. For this reason he chose to lower the trunk down with another piece of rope before shimmying down the wall himself.

Severus didn’t think he drew a single breath until his feet touched the ground, then he collapsed weakly in the dirty plot. Every muscle in his arms ached unbearably. What would Tobias do if he walked out the front door and found his son huddled amidst the rotting food and disintegrating paper? Would the sight evoke any pity in the man or would he only lash out the harder, seeing Severus’ presence as some sort of taunt?

Deciding he really didn’t want to find out the answer to this question Severus rose shakily to his feet and shuffled down the street. Where he was going, he didn’t really know. He was completely bewildered by what had just happened. Somehow, no matter what Tobias had threatened in the past, Severus had never really believed his father would make him leave before he had finished school.

His feet carried him along as he sought desperately to come up with some sort of plan. Above him, a crash of thunder resounded, causing him to look up, the sky was pitch black, the thunderheads reaching high up into the heavens. When he looked around him, he was hardly surprised to see he was standing in the Spot. Despairingly, he dropped the trunk to the ground. What was he going to do? He couldn’t possibly live here all summer.

“Shit!” he yelled, kicking the trunk as hard as he could. In his frustration and anger he had forgotten that he had worn shoes instead of boots and felt the unmistakable crunch of breaking bones.

Dizziness rushed up to claim him and he dropped onto the wooden case, and clutched at his foot. Tears threatened in the corner of his eyes, he desperately held them back, burying his head in his hands and trying to come up with a strategy. He knew he had around fifty pounds in his trunk. He pulled the money his mother had given him out of his pocket. He was surprised to see it was close to two hundred pounds. His mother must have been saving for years to have this much money but still it wasn’t enough for him to live on for the entire summer.

Above him, the heavens opened and the rain that had been threatening all day poured over him in buckets. “Bloody brilliant,” he muttered as he grabbed the trunk and hobbled towards the cover of the tree as fast as possible.

Severus was uncertain how long he sat squashed in the hallowed out space in the trunk. The sky grew darker and the rain came down harder, soaking every stitch of clothing on his body. He shivered with cold and his stomach gave a loud rumbled, but none of it was as bad as the pain in his right foot. With great effort he tried to bend his toes but it was no good, and he was sure the large one was broken. He was starting to feel nauseous and knew the anger and shock that had carried him this far were wearing off. If he was going to go anywhere tonight then he would have to start moving soon.

He mentally ran through every possible place he could go to. A hotel was out of the question as even the seediest wouldn’t rent to an under aged boy. Apparently the fact that he had not obtained his majority in the muggle world had not crossed his father’s mind. He supposed he could get a room at the Leaky Cauldron. How long would his slightly more than two hundred pounds last there? He couldn’t even remember what the current exchange rate was but he didn’t think it was that great. That left the idea of trying to rig a shelter here. But he could think of nothing he could erect that would stand through the wind and rain. There was no way around it; he was going to have to ask for help.

Instantly a face rose up in front of him. Straight away he knew what he needed was to see Lily. It would take a huge effort to swallow his pride and tell her what had happened. But he hurt so badly both physically and emotionally that he had to hold her. And maybe she would have an idea about what he could do to survive until school began again. He slowly unfolded himself from the hole, almost collapsing when his foot hit the ground. He grasped the trunk of the tree, swaying on his feet and willing himself not to faint.

Once he was reasonably sure he wouldn’t fall to the earth like some sort of nancy he picked up the trunk and hefted it on to his shoulder. Little by little he limped his way out of the clearing towards Bloom Street. The journey must have taken three times longer than it usually did as the throbbing in his foot was so great. He had to pause several times and sit down. During one of these pauses, a car drove by, spraying a puddle of dirty water up at him. It was then the full weight of what had happened hit him. There he was, sitting on a trunk that contained everything he owned in the world, broken footed and homeless. With a start Severus realized he was crying, in public, for the first time in his entire life.

He resolutely rubbed his eyes. He would not allow Tobias to make him cry. He was better than that wanker. For perhaps the millionth time in his life he vowed he would never be that kind of father. His anger at his father drove Severus to his feet and he began to walk doggedly down the street. To distract himself from his pulsating foot he began to spin out his favourite fantasy, imagining his and Lily’s life together, the children they would have.

Even though he had spent years imagining his future, Severus still hadn’t decided on the number of children he wanted them to have. He did know he wanted at least three, mostly because he never wanted his children to grow up lonely the way he had. He had even picked a Christian name for their first daughter. Ever since Lily had told him about the St. George’s tradition of calling the girls of the family after flowers he had dreamed of a little girl called Iris. By the time he reached the Evans’ house, he and Lily had six children, five daughters and one son. What they were all called he hadn’t determined yet, but in his mind, there was a house of redheaded, green eyed laughing, joyous children.

Relief filled him at the sight of the white house, but the emotion was quickly tempered when he saw all of the lights were off. Above him, lightening crackled, illuminating the building in a bright light. He knew if he woke Violet now there would be countless hours of discussion and recrimination against his father and perhaps even his mum. Severus just couldn’t deal with that right now.

So, with a heavy sigh he walked to the side of the house. If ever there was an emergency this was it so he was going to climb the ivy to Lily’s window. He hated to leave his possessions outside but knew he didn’t have the ability to scale the ivy carrying his trunk. He managed to entirely conceal the trunk behind the hydrangeas under the dining room window. Then, taking a deep breath, he began to drag himself up the side of the house. He started to doubt the wisdom of this idea when his injured foot slipped from the slick plant. He took a deep breath in to centre himself and continued to climb determinedly.

This time he didn’t care about being quiet and banged on the window as hard as he thought he could without breaking the glass. The room was so dark he couldn’t even see if Lily was in there. Desperately, he pounded again. He could feel his arms giving out and knew it was only a matter of moments before he fell to the ground. Thankfully the light switched on, flooding out of the window and illuminating him.

Lily’s face filled with concern at the sight of him and she raced across the room. She didn’t speak a word as she pried open the sash and pulled him in.

“Sev, what happened?” She questioned as he fell into the room in a heap.

He shook his head and clung to her like a man drowning, he could do nothing else for an age. then slowly, he began to tell her of everything that had happened since they had dropped him off earlier in the night. When his tale was done she clutched him to her even more tightly, dropping a series of quick kisses on the crown of his head.

Finally, she started to move. “I’m going to get mum.”

Severus grabbed her hand frantically. “No, not tonight.”

“Sev.”

“Please, Lily. I can’t tonight. I need some time to…” His voice cracked and he hated himself for it.

Lily looked at him long and hard before nodding in agreement. “Okay. We do need to get you into some dry clothes. Where did you put your trunk?”

“In the bushes beneath the dining room window. I can go get it.”

“Not on your life. You’re going to sit here and rest that foot…Mum’s going to have a fit when she sees it.”

“I know,” he whispered.

Lily opened her mouth to say something else but apparently thought better of it and walked out of the room. She returned quickly, a towel in her hand and the trunk over her shoulder. “You go ahead and dry off and change. I’ll be back in a minute, okay?”

Severus nodded his head and as soon as she left, stripped off his clothes. He dried himself quickly and dug in the trunk for his pyjamas. Many of the articles in the wooden box were damp, including the treasured picture. A tightness grew in his throat as he looked at the wrinkles that now marred the left corner. He placed it tenderly on Lily’s desk before pulling his nightclothes on. Then he sat down on the desk chair and put his foot up on a poof to examine his toes. He felt the digits gingerly, trying to figure out how bad the damage really was.

He was still in this position when Lily returned, carrying a tray. “Here I figured you hadn’t eaten.”

“I’m not hungry,” he stated, not bothering to look up.

Lily knelt down in front of him and looked up into his eyes. “You need to eat dearest, so you can take something for your foot.”

“Lil, I don’t...” He began to protest.

“Severus, if you’re going to be difficult then I’m going to go get mum.”

He grudgingly agreed to eat. Lily smiled and put the tray on the desk next to him, grabbing a towel wrapped bundle from it. “Put this on your foot, that should take down the swelling somewhat.”

“Thanks.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” She was sitting half on the poof, holding the ice pack to his foot.

All of a sudden, he became aware of the fact that Lily’s top was clinging tightly to her, wet he assumed from holding him. “You should change before you catch your death.”

“I’m fine,” she whispered.

He wondered if she knew how revealing the soggy top was. It was something he was all too aware of, as evidenced by the growing swelling in his groin. He reached for the bag of ice shakily. “Lily, please if you get sick because of me, I’ll feel wretched.”

“Okay.” She rummaged in her dresser for a moment and then disappeared behind the screen in the corner of the room. When she emerged she was wearing a soft white nightdress. She looked down at it and looked back at him shyly. “It’s sort of little girl isn’t it?”

He supposed she was referring to the puffed sleeves and tiny bows under the bust and on the shoulders but all he could see was how stunning she looked. His voice came out in a horse whisper. “No. You look like an angel.”

Lily blushed a little and balled up their wet clothes and carried them out of the room. She came back holding a small bottle from which she poured out a white pill similar to the one Violet had given him at Christmas. “Here, take one of these.”

He took the pill from her hand and swallowed it quickly. With a scrape he cleared the last of the food from the plate.

“If you need to use the loo you should do it now before you get too sleepy.” He blushed a little at the implication but she continued before he could become too embarrassed. “There’s toothpowder in the medicine chest and you know where the soap is.”

Severus nodded and limped quietly to the toilet. He brushed his teeth and hair swiftly, and washed up as best as he could, not wanting to bother trying to navigate taking a shower or bath in his current situation. His foot didn’t hurt nearly as bad as he hobbled back to Lily’s room; he was also feeling extremely tired and a little dizzy. Entering the room, he saw Lily was already in bed, curled up beneath the covers.

“Can you get the light?” She asked softly.

“Certainly. I guess I’ll see you in the morning.” Severus stated as he flicked the light switch off.

“Why don’t you sleep here?”

Severus hesitated, but only for a moment before stumbling towards the bed, he lay down on the surface, his hands folded over his stomach.

“Sev, get under the covers.”

“Lil, what will Vi say?”

“You let me worry about that. For now, I want you to be comfortable. No quarrelling.”

Severus shifted and lay down on his back under the sheets. Lily immediately curled up on her side, her arm over his chest. He felt her face turn up to him and their lips met. Severus, mindful of the situation they were in, deliberately held back but it was apparently enough because she sighed and snuggled up to him and laid her head on his chest when the kiss had ended. Severus ran a hand lightly over her hair, savouring the scent it gave off. “Thank you for taking me in Lily. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t.”

“Sev, I’ll always take care of you when you’re in trouble.”

It took him several moments to answer. His response was on the tip of his tongue. He had wanted to say this to her since he was nine and he decided he was going to do it now. “That’s because you’re an angel.”

“An angel. I’m not so sure about that.”

“You are. You’re my angel.”

He felt her smile against his chest. “Your angel. I think I like that.”

Severus kissed her forehead. “Good.”

Lily sighed and snuggled closer to him. Before long her breath was slow and steady against his chest. Severus was almost certain she was asleep so felt no compunction when he whispered into the darkness. “I’m scared.”

He almost fell out of the bed in shock when Lily answered sleepily, “don’t be. Mum will fix it all in the morning. Just get some sleep for now.”

He gripped her tighter and nodded, wishing he could believe her. Next to him, Lily rose and propped herself on her side, a flash of lightening quickly bathed the room in light. For a split second he could see the sadness in her eyes. “Oh, Sev, it’ll all be fine, I promise.”

“I never thought he would throw me out forever.”

Lily sighed and lay back down. “Sev, your father…”

“Please don’t tell me to forgive him or what he did or whatever your philosophy says I should do. Because of him I’m homeless.”

“No.” Her head shook against his chest. “As long as I’m alive you will never be homeless.”

He wished he could tell her how much that meant to him. The tightness in his throat increased so much it was hard to get out the words he wanted to say. “Thank you.”

“For what, telling you the truth? …Enough fussing. Go to sleep, because you can bet Mum’s going to have you at the doctor’s office first thing in the morning.”

“Alright. Good night, my angel.”

“Good night, my dearest heart.” Lily yawned.

Severus matched her yawn with one of his own. Then he slid further down the bed, turning so he and Lily were now face to face, their arms wrapped around one another. Within ten minutes the only sounds in the room were two people breathing in perfect unison and Archimedes hooting softly from his cage.

 


	36. The Art of Mending

“Lily.” The door of the room opened with a bang, causing Lily to sit upright in her bed, startled by the sudden intrusion.

“Yes,” she muttered sleepily to her sister.

“Mum wants…” Petunia moved towards the bed, when she reached the footboard she gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. “You – you shameless…”

It took Lily a moment to understand what had upset Petunia to such a degree. Then she felt the lump beside her in the bed, and the events of the previous night came flashing back to her. A quick glance assured her Severus was still soundly asleep. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see his pyjama bottoms wadded up in a ball at the foot of the bed. She vaguely recollected him rolling from the bed in the middle of the night to drowsily remove them. Lily gave an internal moan.

Petunia’s eyes had not made it as far as the maroon material. Instead they seemed fixated on the swath if black hair that was just peeking out from above the comforter. Lily frantically prayed her sister wouldn’t see the pyjama trousers. The thought seemed to fly through the air and land promptly in Petunia’s mind, because her eyes almost instantly fell on the bottoms. Her eyes grew so wide Lily was convinced they would pop out of her head. Petunia took several staggering steps backwards and then fled the room.

This was not good. Clearly Petunia thought her sister and Severus had done something inappropriate last night. Lily sighed and clambered from the bed. There was no doubt in her mind where Petunia was headed and she supposed she should go do some damage control. Quickly, she grabbed her dressing gown from the pouf and threw it over her shoulders. Then she crossed back to the bed and ran a hand lightly over Severus’ hair. Even in sleep his face was deeply etched with pain.

Lily shook her head and then sped from the room and headed down the hall to her mother’s room. Sure enough, there was her sister, relaying what she had just seen to Violet. Lily was hardly surprised to hear her sister’s description of what she had seen in the room. To hear Petunia tell it Severus had been naked and he and Lily had been only seconds away from having sex when she had entered the room.

Deciding her mother had already heard more than enough, Lily entered the room. “Mum, can I talk to you?”

Violet’s head turned in her younger daughter’s direction. “Yes, I think that would be wise.”

Lily felt two sets of eyes boring into her expectantly. She had no desire to tell her mother what had happened to Severus in front of Petunia. She searched for a tactful way to tell Tuney to leave, but failed and settled for a bit of Severus’ trademarked bluntness. “Can we talk alone, please?”

Petunia looked hopefully at her mother, as if expecting Violet to tell her she could stay. The shock was apparent on her face when instead Violet looked at her and said, “Petunia could you please leave Lily and I to speak in private?”

Petunia’s mouth opened in protest, but a pointed look from her mother caused her to give a huff and storm from the room. As she brushed past Lily she gave her sister a punishing glare and hissed “slut,” under her breath.

Lily bit back her retort, wincing as the door slammed shut. It seemed the whole house shook from the violence of the action. Lily hoped the noise wouldn’t wake Severus, she would like to have everything settled before he rose.

“So, may I ask what is going on?” questioned Violet.

Lily closed the door before crossing the room and sitting down on the bed next to her mother. She sighed, wondering where to begin. Perhaps Violet sensed her reluctance because she gently placed her left hand over her daughter’s right one. “I find it is always best to begin at the beginning…”

Taking a deep breath, Lily told how she had been woken the night before by a knock on her window, how it had been Severus, looking beyond horrid. This led Violet to ask how many times Severus had crawled into Lily’s room in such a manner. Lily assured her it was only the second time, as it was something he only did in the most extreme of situations.

“And what was so dire this time?” Lily could see the apprehension in her mother’s eyes as she asked the question.

“His father threw him out, for good this time.”

Violet heaved a deep sigh and shook her head. “You’re certain?”

“Yes. Apparently Sev’s mother told his father he’d come of age. Sev says in the hopes that Mr. Snape would leave him be. Instead, Mr. Snape said if Severus was of age he could support himself.”

“And his mother did nothing?”

“Sev says she’s trying to persuade Mr. Snape to let him come back but he doesn’t seem to think it’s likely to happen.”

“And what does Severus plan to do at this point?”

“Well, Mrs. Snape wanted him to go and stay with one of his pure-blood friends.”

“Those Death Eater people?”

“Yes.”

“And what does Severus want to do?”

“I honestly don’t think he has a plan. It’s part of the reason he came here, to see if I had any ideas.”

“And you didn’t wake me because?”

“He asked me not to. I think he needed time to adjust to the idea of what had happened.”

“I don’t know what is wrong with these people.” Violet muttered to herself before looking her daughter in the eye. “Just how did Mr. Snape break this news to Sev?”

“He didn’t. Mrs. Snape told him, he didn’t see his father at all.”

“So he’s alright then, not hurt in anyway?”

Lily hesitated and Violet’s eyes hardened.

“I think his foot might be broken.” Lily’s voice was soft as she replied.

Violet stood up abruptly, towering over her still seated daughter. “For heaven’s sake, Lily Jeannette you should have woken me up, whether he wanted you to or not!” Violet bustled over to the wardrobe and began pulling clothes out of it. She didn’t bother to look back as she tossed instructions at Lily over her shoulder. “I want you to go downstairs and ring Cris, ask him to come over immediately.”

Lily rose from the bed and crossed to the door. “Mum, you’re not going to make Sev leave, are you?”

“Of course not.”

“Then why do you need to talk to Cris?”

“I just want to discuss some particulars with him.”

“Such as?”

“The legalities of keeping Severus here.”

“But he’s of age.”

“That’s the wizarding world, not the non-magical one, and at this moment the non-magical one is where you are both living.”

Lily nodded and left the room. Before heading downstairs she looked in her room. Severus had kicked the covers off of him, revealing a foot and ankle swollen to nearly twice their normal size. She winced in sympathetic pain as she crossed the room and draped the sheet lightly over him. Her gaze lingered momentarily on the white clad bottom before her. Her knuckles briefly touched the cotton as she pulled the sheet up. There was a lump gathering in her throat.

Deciding it would be dangerous to stay, she hurried to the lounge and rang the Hall house. Surprisingly, it was Crispin himself who answered. Lily quickly relayed the previous night’s events to him along with her mother’s request he come over as soon as possible. There was a long beat of silence before Cris assured her in a deadly serious voice he was on his way.

Lily then returned upstairs to her mother’s room, only to find it empty. It took only a few moments to locate Violet. She was standing in the guest room, looking contemplatively at the poorly painted walls.

“Mum, Cris says he’ll be here with in the half hour.”

“Good. What do you think about redoing this room?”

“It needs it,” stated Lily staring at the peeling wallpaper. “Steve did a horrible job didn’t he?”

“Hmmm…What’s Severus’ favourite colour?”

“Green.”

“Green’s a nice colour.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Well then, green it is.”

“Sev wouldn’t want you to redo the room for him.”

“He’ll adjust, if he’s to live here I don’t want him to feel as if he’s a perpetual guest. Besides, I think he deserves a nice room all his own.”

Lily nodded and smiled at her mother. “Mum, are you alright about Sev and I?”

Violet smiled gently at her daughter. “Yes. I think you two suite each other quite well.”

Lily could feel herself blushing and fought down a giggle. “Really?”

“Definitely. You even each other out nicely. I’m certain you’ll be very happy for a long time to come.”

“I think so too.”

“Lily, you do understand if Severus is to live here then there will be rules, expectations I have regarding your behaviour.”

“Such as?”

“There will be no more sharing of beds.”

Lily was about to reply when she heard an exclamation of pain coming from her bedroom. Both she and Violet rushed from the room. When Lily threw open the door to the room she saw Severus collapsed on the floor, rocking back and forth while clutching his foot, which looked worse than it had only minutes earlier.

Lily felt a body brush by her as Violet bustled through the door. The woman dropped to the floor by the rocking figure and gently pried his fingers away from the bruised and swollen foot. “Severus, look at you.”

The black eyes rose to meet hers. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. What we do have to do now is get you to a doctor.”

“I don’t want to be a bother.”

“So you intend to live with a broken foot do you?”

He looked confused. “No…I – I’ll…”

“You’ll go to the doctor.” Severus opened his mouth, clearly meaning to protest. “Severus Snape, there will be no arguments. You can go to the doctor or hospital. It’s your decision but you are going to one of the two.”

Fear flooded Severus’ face and he shook his head violently. “Not the hospital. If I go to hospital they’ll ring my house and my father…Please, Violet, I think I can fix it myself.”

“Severus!” The boy recoiled slightly at Violet’s angry tone of voice. Violet’s features instantly gentled when she saw his reaction and she ran a soothing hand along his cheek. “Sev, you’ll make me feel better if you go to a doctor.”

“But it’s Saturday, no one will be open.”

“I’m certain Lionel will see you if I ring him.”

Severus looked searchingly at Violet and then at Lily before nodding reluctantly. “Okay.”

“Good, let’s get you back on the bed.” Violet wrapped her arms around him. Lily rushed over and together the two of them heaved Severus back onto the bed. “Can I ask what happened to your bottoms?” Violet asked with a look at Severus’ pants.

Severus flushed a deep shade of crimson. “My foot kept getting caught so I took them off.”

Violet nodded, apparently satisfied by the answer. “Lily, I want you to go down and get a bag of ice.”

Lily gave her boyfriend a tentative smile and hurried away.

Severus watched her walk away and was so embarrassed by his state of undress he hardly registered what Violet said to him next. “I’m sorry, Violet, I missed that.”

“I asked where your dressing gown was.”

“In my trunk.” Severus waved a hand towards the trunk. His foot was throbbing horrifically and it was becoming harder to focus. It hadn’t been so bad only moments before, which was why he’d tried to get out of the bed. Looking down he could see the swelling was so bad his toes were no longer visible, but at least he was able to move the small one. There was little doubt in his mind the toes were not what were broken. He tried to arch his sole but pain shot up his leg and he barely suppressed a yell.

Violet continued to rummage through the trunk, piling clothes and books up beside her. Severus was overwhelmingly grateful to whatever being had caused Vincent to think twice about slipping one of his mags into Severus’ trunk as he had threatened to do. It would have been a task explaining that to Violet. He imagined he was in enough trouble for sleeping in Lily’s bed in nothing more than a pair of underpants and a pyjama top.

Severus took a deep breath in, trying to breathe through the pain in his foot, before clearing his throat. “Vi…”

“Yes, dear,” Violet stated as she victoriously produced the dressing gown.

He watched as she crossed to the bed, waiting until she was there to continue. “Nothing happened between Lily and I last night.”

“I know that, Severus.”

“Do you?”

Violet laughed. “Of course, I trust you. But I think it would be prudent if you and Lily slept in separate beds for the foreseeable future.”

“Certainly.”

Violet gently draped the dressing gown over him, careful to keep the fabric away from his foot.

“Let’s take a look at you then,” she stated as she pulled the pouf up to the bed.

“I’m sorry to be such a bother.”

“I told you, Sev, you’re not a bother.”

He would have responded but Violet placed a finger on his large toe. “Can you feel that?”

Blinding pain raced up his leg and he nodded, biting his lip to keep from crying like a baby. Shaking her head, she examined the swollen area. “You’ve really done a job on yourself this time.”

“I know,” he managed to croak just as Lily entered the room.

“Here,” she said holding out a cloth wrapped package.

Violet took the bundle and gently placed it on the worst of the swelling. Despite her gentleness Severus winced from the pain the pressure caused. Once assured the ice was doing its work, Violet turned to her daughter. “Lily, why don’t you go to the lav and get dressed. Then you can hold the ice pack on Severus’ foot while I ring Lionel.”

Lily had begun moving before her mother had event finished the request. With her arms full of clothing she rushed from the room. Severus waited until he was certain she was gone before gruffly saying to Violet, “There’s money in my trunk.”

“And why do I need to know that?” She asked curiously.

“Expenses.”

Violet shook her head in apparent exasperation. “I don’t want your money, Severus.”

“But…”

“No buts. You keep your money. We’ll talk about all the rest when we get back from the doctor’s. For now, just know you can stay here for as long as you need or want.”

Severus ducked his head so Violet wouldn’t see the gathering dampness in his eyes. He wanted to protest but it felt so good to know he wasn’t homeless he could only drift on the sensation for a while. He hadn’t completely adjusted to the idea by the time Lily whirled back into the room. Violet rose from her place on the pouf and before leaving the room told Lily to hold the ice pack where it was for another ten minutes.

After her mother left, Lily and Severus sat in silence for what felt like lifetimes. It was Lily who finally broke the awkwardness. “Did mum tell you, you’re going to stay with us?”

Severus nodded, unable to speak, though whether from emotion, embarrassment or pain he couldn’t tell.

It appeared Lily reached her own conclusions. “It’s going to be fine, Sev. Everything will be perfect now, you’ll see.”

Severus leaned back against the headboard and closed his eyes before nodding. “I know.” His hand slowly crept along the coverlet, finally finding hers, her fingers felt cool and moist in his. “If I got you into trouble, Lil then I’m sorry.”

“You mean about last night?”

“Yes. I should have…I didn’t mean to take the bottoms off. It’s just…”

“Your foot hurt.”

“No, I hate sleeping in bottoms.”

“What do you usually sleep in?”

“Nightshirt.” He blushed a little as he said it.

“You could have slept in one last night.” He didn’t respond, so Lily continued on, “anyway, mum wasn’t angry, though she did say we weren’t allowed to sleep in the same bed anymore.”

“Yes, she told me that also.”

“On the up side, I think we shocked the hell out of Petunia.” He could hear the laughter in her voice as she spoke.

Severus couldn’t help but chuckle. “It was all worth it then…So, what did Violet say?”

“About us?”

Severus nodded, eyes still closed. He didn’t know why, but ever since he was a little boy he found keeping his eyes shut helped him manage the pain.

“Truthfully, she didn’t say much when I told her last night. I think she already suspected.”

“Well, I did kiss you in front of her.”

“No, mum’s thought we would end up together for a long time. She did tell me this morning she thought we complimented each other well and she was sure we would be happy for a long time to come.”

At long last, Severus opened his eyes and looked at her. “I hope so.”

The statement was spoken with such fervour Lily was slightly startled. Still she smile and affirmed the wish before leaning in to kiss him. Severus’ hand twined in her hair and when she made to move away he pulled her back in and kissed her with an intensity it took her breath away. She shivered and let go of the ice, wrapping her arms around his neck. This time he was the one that shivered, shifting his body to be able to pull her closer. The ice slid from his foot and landed on the floor with a thunk, but neither cared.

“You two are disgusting.” Came a hiss from the doorway.

Lily pulled away from Severus rapidly, while his hands reluctantly freed themselves from the silkiness of her hair and they both looked towards the speaker. Petunia gave a grimace, muttered something unintelligible under her breath and stalked away.

“She’s going to be thrilled when she finds out you’re staying.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t.” Lily looked at him disbelievingly. He wasn’t sure how to tell her how hard it would be for him to stay here. Even ignoring the fact that Petunia would undoubtedly make his life miserable there was the expense to Violet and Lily’s constant presence. He shifted once again, hoping she wouldn’t notice the swelling that had grown while they had kissed. Her next words convinced him his physical state was the furthest thing from his girlfriend’s mind.

“And where else would you go to?”

“I don’t know. I could get a job, my own flat…” He shrugged half-heartedly.

“What about school?”

“I’m of age. I don’t really need to…Besides, I can’t – It wouldn’t be feasible to go back would it?”

“Did you hit your head or something last night?”

“No.”

“Sev, how could you even contemplate not finishing school?”

“It’s my only option, Lil.”

“No, it’s not!” Before he could get a word in edge wise Lily rushed on, “you can stay here. Let us take care of you. Finish school, like you’re meant to. Sev, you’re brilliant, probably a genius, don’t throw that away because of your father.”

“How can I ask Vi to support me? It’s not right, angel and you know it.”

“So, instead you’ll throw away your future? Severus this has to be the single stupidest thing you have ever thought about doing in your entire life.”

“Lil, please, I’m just trying to be…”

“What you’re being is stupid!”

“No, I’m being practical. You’re wilfully…”

“Wow, I came up here expecting to find two lovebirds and instead I find you having a go at each other.” Cris smiled and sauntered into the room. “I expect better of you both.”

“I was happy until Sev said he was quitting school to get a job and a flat. Cris, tell him he’s being stupid.” Lily sounded as if she was ready to sob and Severus knew she really was quite angry.

Crispin looked sadly at the boy in the bed and shook his head sadly while giving Lily a hug. “I hate to say it mate, but it does seem like you’re being a little dense.”

“Why can’t either of you understand if I let Violet support me then…”

“You’ll be indebted to someone? Severus, come on, it’s your pride that won’t let you accept. Don’t pretend it’s anything else.”

“Well, when pride is all you have left…”

“Sev, that’s not all you have.” Crispin’s voice was soft as he spoke.

Severus looked doubtfully at Cris, as if daring him to list anything else he might possess. Crispin seemed more than willing to oblige because he smiled and sat down in the spot Lily had so recently vacated. “You have us, your family. We all care about you and your well-being, your happiness. Just like we all know you have a very bright future ahead of you. Don’t throw that away because of a silly little thing like pride.”

Severus could feel himself wavering. He didn’t want to leave school. Didn’t want to get some wretched job where he would barely get by, one that wouldn’t allow him to support Lily in the style she deserved. Instantly a picture of him and Lily living in Spinner’s End, destitute and fighting, just like Eileen and Tobias, flickered through his brain.

“But what about money? Violet will have to pay to feed me and her bills will go up and…”

“She already knows all of that. She doesn’t care,” Lily said.

“Don’t you fret about mum. She’s well provided for. And if things get a little tight, well then, I’ll be more than happy to help out.”

Severus sat upright on the bed. “Cris, I can’t.”

“Enough, Severus. If you want to look at mum and tell her you plan on not finishing school you are welcome to try, but, you know and I know, that come September your arse will be on that train so accept that. Let mum and I worry about money and the mundanities of life. You just concentrate on enjoying your summer.”

Severus opened his mouth to respond, though he honestly didn’t have the slightest idea what he was about to say. Before he could get even one word out Lily sealed his doom when she said, “Sev, if you don’t go back to Hogwarts then I’m not going either.”

Instantly, his mouth snapped shut and his eyes widened.

Cris gave a chuckle. “Guess that settles that. So, mum says I’m to help you dress and get to the car so you can go to Dr. Archer’s and get that foot looked at.” For the first time Cris’ blue eyes looked at Severus’ injury. “Doesn’t look good does it?”

“No,” Lily affirmed as she picked up a pair of trousers and a shirt from one of the piles on the floor.

“Don’t you own any shorts?” Cris asked taking the trousers from Lily.

“No.”

“Hmm, guess we can cut these off. Have you got scissors, Lil?”

Severus reached out a hand and snatched the trousers away. “Are you mad? You can’t cut up all my trousers I’ll look like a git.”

“Sev, you can’t fit trousers over a cast.”

“You don’t even know I need one. I wish everyone would just let me heal it myself and be done with.”

“You’re sure you know the spell?” Lily asked apprehensively.

“Pretty sure.”

“Then I say it’s a no go. Anyway, you being hurt is probably the only thing keeping mum from going to Spinner’s End and screaming her head off at your parents,” stated Cris vehemently.

“Fine, I’ll go to the doctor. I don’t like it, but I’ll go. But, cutting my trousers up is completely out of the question.”

Cris laughed. “Well, thank you for that gracious acquiescence. Lily, if you could give us a few minutes I’ll help Sev kit himself out. Maybe you could go tell mum we’ll be down soon.”

“Of course.” Lily smiled and quickly kissed Severus before breezing out of the door.

Cris pulled the trousers away from Severus and looked critically at the ankle. “Think you can stand?”

Severus sighed. “Not sure.”

“That could make getting you down the stairs problematic.”

“Oh sod it.” Severus took a deep breath in, closed his eyes and swung his legs off the bed in preparation to stand.

“Hold on. Don’t stand until I get these on and pulled up at least part of the way.”

“Cris, I can still use my arms and am completely capable of dressing myself. Just stand next to me so I can hold on to you to stand.”

Crispin looked critical but with a nod acquiesced. Severus slowly squirmed into the trousers, finding it was difficult to pull them over the swelling in his foot.

“Think you’re going to have to cut them after all, mate.”

“Cris…”

“How about on the seam? Then mum could fix them later.”

“Okay.” Severus agreed reluctantly.

“Now you’re showing the common sense we all admire in you.” Cris turned and after several minutes of rummaging on Lily’s desk returned with a pair of nail scissors. “Give me your leg.” Slowly and carefully Cris cut up the inside of the trousers.

Once Severus was suitably dressed, sans shoe or sock on his right foot, Cris helped him hobble down the stairs and out to the car. Severus wasn’t horribly surprised when Cris and Lily joined him and Violet in the automobile. The whole way to the office, Violet and Crispin carried on an intense conversation in the front seat. It seemed that Honoria would be up in a few weeks and Cris was anxious for Violet to meet her. Severus noted Violet didn’t seem particularly enthused about the idea of meeting Crispin’s girlfriend. Suddenly he felt much more comfortable about his relationship with Lily; at least he had the support of her family.

The road outside of the doctor’s office was remarkably free of any other cars. This meant Severus only had to limp a few feet to make it to the door for which he was grateful. The pain was quickly becoming unbearable and he didn’t think he would have made it much further. Like the road outside, the waiting room was deserted. Violet bustled ahead of the children and yelled “Lionel!” down the hall.

“Come on back, Violet.”

For the first time, everything slid into place in Severus’ mind. Lionel Archer had been Daniel Evans’ best friend from the time they were small boys. Severus had only met the man on a few occasions, most of the time Archer had seemed rather distant. But Severus was starting to wonder if he was overly sensitive to people’s reactions to him. Severus took in a deep breath and prepared to move down the hall. It was fairly narrow and there was no way his friends would be able to help him.

Before he had managed to take more than half of a faltering step Violet called, “I honestly don’t think he should walk that far Lionel.”

A dark haired man immediately appeared at the end of the hall. Even as he walked towards them, Severus could tell Dr. Archer was an efficient and deliberate man, traits Severus held in high regard. Before the doctor had even emerged from the hall his eyes had taken in the injured appendage. “How much walking have you done on that foot?” he asked brusquely as he wheeled a chair over and motioned Severus in.

“I walked from the play park at the river to the Evans’ house last night and then down the stairs and into the office today.”

“You walked down stairs on that?”

“And he climbed,” Lily threw in as they made their way down the hall.

“Climbed?” The doctor’s voice was terse.

“Yes, up the ivy.”

Lionel shot Violet a puzzled look. She shook her head and gave him a little smile. From the twitch of his mouth Severus knew the older man was fighting it hard not to smile. Instead, he gave a tiny shake of his head and motioned the three other people towards the door of an exam room. “Why don’t the three of you wait here while…”

“Now, Lionel, I really think Severus is going to need an x-ray, don’t you?”

“Yes and I’ll make certain he gets one.”

“Wouldn’t it have been better to do that before we came here? It seems to me all this movement can’t be good for his foot.”

“Sometimes I wonder why you didn’t become a doctor, Vi.” Violet blushed at the obvious compliment. “But it just so happens Dr. Moore and I have acquired a new toy recently.”

“Don’t tell me that you bought a…”

“I most certainly did. I think it will save time to x-ray patients right here. So I am going to take Mr. Snape off to be our inaugural patient and I’ll leave you to fill out as much of this paperwork as possible.” With that Dr. Archer handed Violet a clipboard and wheeled Severus down the hall to a dim room with a huge table in the middle of it.

Right away, a woman, who must have been in her very early thirties, strode up. “Severus, this is Dr. Moore. Catriona, this Severus Snape, my best friend Daniel’s daughter’s best friend.”

The other doctor let out a bright laugh. “Well, that’s a mouthful.”

Dr. Archer chuckled in return. “I guess it is. I think it’s safe to say we need a complete work up on his ankle and foot.”

The female looked critically at Severus’ ankle before nodding in agreement.

“Then I’ll leave you to it.” Lionel gave them a brief nod and left the room, closing the door behind him.

The remaining doctor helped Severus out of the chair and onto the cold table. “Nice work,” she said with a nod towards his foot.

“Thanks” he replied dryly.

“Don’t worry, I’ve seen worse. Before we start, I have a couple of quick questions for you.”

“Okay.”

“Any medical conditions? Heart troubles?”

“No.”

“Any metal plates?”

“None that I know of.”

“Alright. I’m going to drape this over you…” She picked up a heavy blue blanket and draped it over his lap. “…since I’m guessing you might like to have children one of these days.”

Severus considered the question to be completely inappropriate and merely looked at her. Dr. Moore seemed nonplussed at his lack of a response and continued on, “now, I’m going to position your ankle. It’ll probably hurt but I need you to hold as still as possible. When I tell you to, I want you to take a deep breath in and hold it. I’ll let you know when you can take a breath again. Any questions?”

Severus shook his head no. He was proud of the fact that he didn’t wince as she contorted his ankle in ways he wasn’t sure it would have been able to under normal circumstances. What with the pain and all the breath holding he was certain he was only moments away from losing consciousness when Dr. Moore came out from behind a glass divider to help him back into the wheelchair.

Dr. Moore wheeled him back into the exam room where Violet peppered her with questions. It seemed Dr. Moore was a recent addition to the practice and Mrs. Evans had not met the new associate previously. Dr. Moore’s answers were precise if vague, in the end Violet shook her hand and welcomed her to Cokeworth before resuming her place in the grey plastic seat.

Once the doctor had left, Violet turned her attention to Severus. “There were a few questions here I couldn’t answer.”

“Alright.”

“Do you have allergies to any medications?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Did you have chickenpox as a child? Lily was unsure.”

Severus looked towards the red head and she shrugged apologetically. He had to wonder if chickenpox was the same as dragon pox because he’d certainly had those. He decided it would most likely be difficult to ascertain if they were one and the same and so muttered, “I don’t know.”

“I take it you had all the standard vaccinations?”

“You mean shots?”

“Yes, for measles for example.”

“I – I’m not…I would think not.”

“Are you telling me you’ve never been vaccinated against anything?”

“I suppose I might have been, but if I was, no one ever saw fit to tell me.”

Violet pursed her lips tightly together and for one moment it became obvious she was Petunia’s mother. “Have you ever had a tetanus shot?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

Even Crispin and Lily looked appalled now. He couldn’t bare the idea they would think worse of his mum than they already did or that his gram had somehow neglected him and so quickly threw out. “I did have some sort of shot when I was four or five and I cut my hand on a rusty can.”

He could almost feel Violet’s relief when he said those words. “Have you had any shots since then?”

“No, I haven’t been to a muggle doctor since Gram passed away.”

“And the magical doctors…”

“Healers, mum,” Lily interjected.

“Fine, the healers haven’t given you anything since?”

Severus squirmed a little unconsciously, causing the throbbing in his foot to grow slightly. “I haven’t been to one.” He said it so softly he wasn’t sure anyone had heard him.

Sure enough, Violet responded by saying, “I’m sorry dear I didn’t catch that.”

“I’ve never been to a healer.”

The room became still instantly. For reasons he couldn’t understand the air was tight with tension. The relief he felt when Dr. Archer re-entered the room was almost laughable. The doctor seemed to be unaware of the strain pervading the room, all his attention was focused on the papers in his hand. He swiftly crossed over to the counter and put the papers down, then he pulled a plastic packet from his pocket, filled a small paper cup and handed them both to Severus.

“I want you to take those.” Violet began to speak but he cut her off before she got more than half a syllable out. “It’s a high dosage of aspirin. It should help with the pain but if you need something stronger then I will be happy to give you a prescription.”

He then crossed back to the counter, grabbed a large piece of film and thrust it into a light box hanging on the wall. As he walked to the light switch he smiled at Severus and asked, “do you play much football?”

Severus was stunned and Lily had to poke him lightly in the back before he could find it in himself to respond. “I’m sorry?”

“I asked how much football you play.”

Severus really couldn’t see what this had to do with anything but answered anyway. “Not a lot. Why?”

Lionel smiled and flicked off the overhead light. The harsh, yellow light was promptly replaced by a soft white one shining through the film of an x-ray. “You kick like a footballer,” the doctor replied.

Dr. Archer pulled a pen from his breast pocket and pointed towards the shadows of the ankle on the wall. “Which is why you broke your ankle and not your toes or foot.”

“But look at how swollen his foot is.” Lily protested.

Dr. Archer switched the light back on before looking at the assembled group. “That is because there are multiple contusions to the foot and several of the toes.”

“And what does that mean exactly?” Crispin questioned.

They all looked a little startled when Violet answered, “Contusion is a fancy word for a bruise.”

“That’s basically correct, though in this case most of the bruising is in the deep tissues so it is unlikely you will see any black and blue marks. These will of course go away on their own with time. Your ankle is an entirely different story.” He crossed to the cupboard and began to pull out supplies, piling them on the counter in front of him. “I’m afraid you will be spending the next six weeks in a cast.”

Severus could hardly suppress his groan. “Will I be able to walk?”

The idea of spending six weeks in bed was completely unappealing.

“Yes, you’ll have to use crutches but you should get around just find once you have the hang of those.”

Severus wanted to beg Violet to let him try and heal himself or ring his mum. But she looked as determined as he had ever seen her and he knew there was no point in quarrelling. Not that he had time to even suggest the idea because before he knew it the doctor was wrapping his lower leg in wet bandages. While Dr. Archer completed his task he and Violet talked about the various happenings in their lives. The news that Severus was now living with the Evanses produced only the slightest of reactions. In less time then he would have thought it possible the bottom of Severus’ leg was encased in white goo and Dr. Archer was standing at the sink washing his hands off.

“Unfortunately, you are going to have to sit still for awhile while that dries. In the mean time I’ll see if I can locate a pair of crutches for you.”

Lionel was at the point of exiting when Cris asked, “Dr. Archer may I use your phone? I want to ring the house and make certain May hasn’t phoned to say she missed her flight or anything.”

“Certainly, if you come with me I’ll show you where it is,” answered the doctor, waving Crispin through the doorway.

The door had barely closed when Violet stood up and stated, “if you will both excuse me, I’m going to pop to the loo.”

Severus and Lily both muttered a response and watched the elder woman leave the room. Severus sat in awkward silence for a moment wondering if Lily was still angry at him and if he should speak to her or just let things be. It was a great relief to him when Lily spoke.

“How are you doing?”

“Fine, I suppose.”

Lily moved to settle behind him on the examination table. “Does it hurt?”

“A little, but it’s not as bad as it was.” He gingerly leaned back against her. “I can’t believe I have to spend almost my whole holiday in a cast.”

“Guess it’ll be awhile before you go around kicking your trunk again.”

“Yes. I’m sorry, Lil. I know you had all sorts of plans for the summer and now…” he waved his hand towards the white plaster encasing his leg.

“It doesn’t matter, we can still have fun.”

“We won’t be able to go to the Spot or on walks or…”

“We don’t need to do any of that.”

“What? That’s what we…that’s how we spend our time together.”

“Because we could never spend time together any other way. Now we’ll be living in the same house, we can read in the lounge and watch telly, go to the cinema. You’ll see it’ll be better than before.”

“What about Petunia?”

“What about her?”

“Do you honestly think she’s ever going to leave us alone? She’ll be hanging over our shoulders every second of every day to make certain we don’t do anything that she finds unsuitable.”

“I’d like to see her try and keep me from kissing my boyfriend! Besides she’ll leave us alone if she knows what’s good for her.”

Severus twisted around so that he was looking up into Lily’s eyes. “That sounds slightly ominous.”

“Well it pays to be best friends…” Lily broke off, smiled and kissed him gently before continuing. “I mean the girlfriend of the most talented student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.”

“Lil,” he mumbled, looking back down at his feet.

“You know it’s adorable when you blush like that.”

He felt the colour on his cheeks deepen. “I’m glad you’re proud of me.”

“Most definitely,” she whispered before bringing her lips down to his.

“If we don’t stop I’m going to get the worst crick in my neck.” Severus murmured after a while.

Lily gave a little giggle and wrapped her arms tightly around him. “I do have one question for you, something that’s been nagging me since last night.”

Severus wasn’t in the mood to discuss what had happened at Spinner’s End anymore and instinctively felt himself tense. “Go ahead.”

“Why did you walk all the way to the house, I mean why not just apparate? Why not apparate into my room for that matter instead of climbing the ivy?”

“Lily, it’s the height of rudeness to just apparate into someone’s house. Not to mention most people have wards to protect against that sort of intrusion.”

“Fair enough, but that wouldn’t stop you from apparating from your street to mine.”

Severus opened his mouth to respond and then just as swiftly shut it. He could feel Lily watching him intently. Just as he felt her surprise when his chest began to shake and the rumble began deep in his chest. She twisted her body so she was peering around him and their gaze met. Her eyes looked perplexed and amused simultaneously and he couldn’t hold the laughter back for another moment.

“Would you like to let me in on the joke?” she asked.

It was a moment before he could stop laughing long enough to answer. “I forgot.”

“You couldn’t have possibly forgotten what has amused you this much.”

“No…” he shook his head and laughed harder. “I forgot I was allowed to apparate.”

He saw the smile creeping in at the corners of her mouth and felt the chuckle forming in her chest. When the tinkling finally broke forth he found himself joining her.

“I can’t believe it. Mr. I-Can’t-Wait-To-Be-Of-Age-and-Practice-Magic forgot he was now allowed to do just that?”

Severus was laughing so hard tears were running down his cheeks and he could only nod in response.

“Oh that’s rich!” Lily’s laughter grew louder.

“Completely humiliating.”

“I won’t tell a soul.”

“I’m holding you to that.”

There was another round of laughter before they both settled down, caught their breaths and began a lively discussion on the myriad of ways they could get around Petunia’s snooping.

 


	37. Fits and Starts

Severus lay on the sofa in the lounge, flipping discontentedly through a volume of _The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman_ _Empire_. From upstairs came the sounds of slamming doors and rushing footsteps. He gave a sigh and threw the book on the floor. He thought he would go mental if he had to spend much longer laying here. For the first few days it had been fun to laze here and be waited on hand and foot, Violet and Lily had been anxious to do anything and everything to make him comfortable and happy. He’d been fed all his favourite foods, read to, had his pillows fluffed. He didn’t even have to get up to change the channels on the television. But now the novelty had faded and he found the constant attention wearing.

Especially since his inability to move meant he was unable to escape Petunia. Thankfully, he hadn’t been in the room when the elder Evans’ daughter had been told he was now living at the Evans’ house. Of course, it had hardly mattered since he had heard the commotion quite clearly downstairs. Actually, he was certain Petunia’s screeching could be heard in Australia, if not outer space. Since then she had swung between ignoring his existence completely and annoying him to within an inch of his life. He honestly didn’t know which was worse, Petunia walking in and turning off the program he was watching or her “accidentally” bumping his leg while searching for a book because she hadn’t seen him there. It took an incredible amount of will power on his part to let her actions go and not lose his temper. It was something he managed only because of his great love for Lily and Violet.

Happily Petunia would be out of the house all day today. Unfortunately Lily and Violet would also be gone, as the three of them were going to the shops to look for a wedding gown for Petunia. It was a topic of conversation that had occupied each and every meal for the last four days. If he never heard about tulle or satin or dress silhouettes again it would be much too soon. Even worse, Lily seemed to have caught the bug and had spent a large chunk of last night flipping through a bridal magazine wondering what sort of bridesmaid’s dress her sister would put her in. He had tried to think of the right thing to say but had never fallen upon the correct combination of words and after several sharp looks had settled for making noncommittal noises whenever she asked him any sort of question.

He assumed any annoyance Lily had felt last night was gone because she had been more than sweet this morning. She had paced around the lounge wondering if she should even go with her mother and sister. Even though Severus hated the idea of being alone in the Evans’ house for the first time ever he had assured her he would be fine and she should go. In return, he had gotten a beaming smile and a brief peck on the lips, which Petunia had interrupted, of course.

It seemed to Severus Petunia had some sort of instinct that told her exactly when he and Lily so much as thought about kissing. No matter what the time or location she would inevitably enter the room every time their lips met and it wasn’t as if he and Lily spent that much time snogging. In fact, they had cut back significantly since his move into the Evans’ house. Each time Petunia caught them she would remark how disgusting and inappropriate they were.

Lily’s frustration had finally reared its head this morning when she had peevishly asked him if he thought her sister and Dursley had ever done anything more racy than hold hands. Severus had grimaced and said he didn’t want to talk about what Petunia and her fiancé may or may not have done since he had just eaten. Not surprisingly Petunia had rushed back into the room at the sound of the gale of laughter that had broken feely from both him and Lily.

“Sev.”

Severus pulled himself out of his reverie as Lily entered the room. “Yes?”

Her green eyes were filled with worry as they looked at him. “Are you certain you’ll be alright here, alone? I really could stay if you need me to.”

“Lil, I’ve been taking care of myself for as long as I can remember. So I think I can survive a few hours on my own now. Besides if you don’t go Petunia will have a fit and I’m not in the mood for that today.”

Lily chewed her lip in contemplation. “I suppose, still…”

“Go and have fun.”

“Fun? Have you lost it completely?”

Unable to hold back, he gave an amused snort. “Alright, as much fun as anyone can have under the circumstances.”

“At least May’s going, so that should make it slightly more enjoyable.”

“You didn’t tell me May was going with you.”

“Didn’t I?” She looked at him and he shook his head in response. “I thought I had – sit up.” He obediently leaned forward as Lily pulled the pillow out from behind him. She fluffed the rectangle while she carried on. “I think Tuney only asked her to flaunt her engagement.”

“Hmm,” Severus muttered as he leaned back against the plumped pillow and Lily sat down by his knee.

Privately he wondered if May had actually been invited for another reason. The other night at dinner, Petunia had had a temper tantrum to do a toddler proud when Violet had told her the budget for the dress. For Petunia it wasn’t anywhere near enough. This left Severus wondering if May’s invitation had been issued in the hopes she would contribute to the price of the gown. Considering the level of the Hall’s generosity he thought it was likely Petunia would get what she wanted.

“Sev?”

“Yeah?”

“Where did you go?”

“Nowhere.”

“You looked like you were a million miles away – what were you thinking about?”

He shook his head briefly before answering. “How if I don’t get off this sofa soon I’ll go ‘round the twist.”

Lily’s eyes narrowed at his response. “You’re planning on getting up while we’re gone, aren’t you?”

“Of course not.”

“I don’t think I believe you.”

He gave no answer, only squirmed a little and cast his gaze on a fallen leaf by the window.

“Sev! You know what Lionel said.”

“I believe he said not to overdo it, not that I wasn’t able to move at all. Come on Lil, it’s not as if I were planning to run a marathon or anything.” She looked at him sceptically and opened her mouth but he cut her off before she could get a word out. “Furthermore, it’s inevitable that I’ll get up. I’ll have to get food and …”

“I was going to bring you something before we left, maybe a sandwich and some crisps.” Lily stood, tripping slightly on the heavy book at her feet. “I’d better get you a few more books as well. Any requests?”

“No. Lil, you’re being…”

“Or I could turn on the telly if you’d like.”

“And what if I don’t want to watch what’s on?”

“Then I’ll find you something you do want to watch.”

“And when that program is over I’ll have to get up.”

“You’re right. Best leave it off.” As she made to move away Severus caught her hand.

“Lil, I’m going to have to move sometime, if only to go to the loo.”

Lily sighed and sank back onto the sofa. “I’m just trying to take care of you.”

“I know and I appreciate it but I’m not use to being coddled all the time. And it just so happens that after a few days it gets a little monotonous.”

“Are we babying you that much?”

He let out a breath and answered slowly. “Yes.”

“And you hate it,” she questioned wistfully.

“No, not always.” Like Lily, his voice had sunk to a whisper. Reaching up, he buried his hand in the hair at the nape of her neck.

“Good, I wouldn’t want you to hate me.”

“I don’t think there’s even the slightest possibility of that ever happening.” He could hear Petunia slamming around upstairs as loudly as ever so he brought his lips up to Lily’s.

He didn’t know how long they were like that when the sound of a throat clearing in the doorway caused them to jump apart. Unlike every other occasion in the past week it was not Petunia who stood in the archway but Crispin.

“Now this is definitely a better way to find the two of you.” Crispin beamed at them while Lily flushed a deep shade of red and Severus gave him a bemused smile. “You don’t have to look so guilty. I’m pretty sure everyone expects you to snog every now and again.” Cris laughed.

Lily smiled in return. “Would you mind passing that piece of information along to my sister?”

“Tuney giving you a rough time is she?” Cris asked, setting the package he was carrying down on a small table.

Lily nodded in affirmation. “Did May come with you?”

“Yes. She went right upstairs, not wanting to interrupt you.” Crispin’s eyes danced with mirth.

“I guess I should go see how much longer it will be until we leave then. For the life of me I can’t figure out why Tuney cares so much about what she wears to go try on wedding gowns.” With that Lily breezed from the room.

The two men watched her go and then Crispin threw himself in one of the wing chairs. “So think you’re up for some company today?”

“You know, I’ve only hurt my ankle. I think it’s unlikely I’ll expire from talking to someone.”

“Good to know. So you don’t care if I stay then?”

“No. Nevertheless I would like to point out I am old enough to not need a sitter.”

“I have no intension of being one. I simply thought we might be able to entertain one another. You know, a little distraction from…” Crispin trailed off and for the first time Severus noticed how troubled his friend looked.

“I’m guessing you still haven’t heard from Honoria?”

“Not a peep.”

“I’m sorry, Cris,” Severus murmured.

Crispin shook his head and gave Severus a falsely bright smile. “Do you mind if we don’t talk about it today?”

“Only if you agree to not talk about anything relating to weddings.”

“I think I can go along with that.”

“Excellent, because I think if I don’t get a break from that particular topic I will go insane.”

“Paradise not all it’s cracked up to be?”

“It would be, if it weren’t for… Good morning, Violet.” Severus quickly changed tack as the woman entered the room.

“Good morning, Sev, Cris.” Violet looked frazzled as she crossed the room. While she initially appeared to be headed towards her purse on the console she swiftly changed direction and cut across to the sofa. Once there, she pulled the pillow from behind Severus, puffed it up and shoved it back again. “I already made lunch for the two of you…”

Severus looked at Cris, annoyed that despite what he had said the other boy was there to watch him. Crispin had the good grace to fidget guiltily in his seat. Violet seemed to take no notice and carried on. “When you’re ready to eat, preheat the oven to gas mark 7 and let the pie bake for ten minutes. I know Severus will undoubtedly be off this sofa before the car even turns the corner, just remember you’re not to overdo it. I don’t want you on that foot for more than half an hour and use your crutches to get around. Understand?”

“I promise,” Severus vowed vehemently.

“Alright. Then you two have a lovely day. Don’t worry about the dishes; I’ll do them when we get back.” Violet smoothed a hand over Severus’ hair before crossing to Crispin and giving him a quick kiss on the top of his head. She then grabbed her purse and rushed from the room.

“This whole wedding thing really has mum stressed doesn’t it?” asked Cris as Violet called up the stairs for the girls to hurry and come down.

“I guess, or maybe it’s just Petunia’s behaviour that has Violet so irritated.”

“Why, what’s Petunia done now?”

“Well, I’ve never been to a wedding, but it seems to me Petunia’s going a bit overboard with the whole thing. Everything has to be the best, which seems to be the equivalent of being the most expensive. The way she’s acting you’d think she was marrying the Prince of Wales and not some drill salesman.”

“Perhaps she’s trying to pretend Dursley is more important than he really is.”

“There could hardly be more fuss if he was the most important person in the universe.”

“Do I get details or should I just use my imagination?”

Severus sighed. “The latest was she wanted to hire some posh chef from London to cater the wedding breakfast. Obviously Violet vetoed that idea.”

“And Petunia didn’t take it well I gather?”

“That would be an understatement of near epic proportion. Every time Vi says no to something Petunia pitches a major fit. It’s starting to seem like they’re never ending. I can’t blame Violet for saying no; the price of some of the things Petunia wants is preposterous. I could live for months on what she wants to spend on some stupid dress she’ll wear once.”

“I guess it’s good May and I decided to pay for the gown then.”

“Won’t that just encourage her to go even more overboard?”

“Maybe, but it’ll save mum some money so I don’t care. Besides, I doubt she’ll scale her plans back even if I don’t contribute a penny. So, if it takes some stress off of mum I’ll happily pay for the whole thing.”

Only the entrance of the women caused Severus to bite his tongue. There was several minutes of loud chatter followed by a round of hurried good-byes. All the while, Petunia stood just inside the door fretting about the time and how late they were going to be for their appointment at the first shop. Lily rolled her eyes before giving Severus a swift kiss and rushing after the already disappearing figures of her mother, sister and friend.

Once the door had slammed and the car rolled down the drive a blissful silence descended on the house. For several long minutes Crispin and Severus sat, hardly daring to breathe and disturb the peace. Finally Crispin let out a long breath and asked, “so what do you want to do?”

“Anything that’s not laying on this couch and watching telly or reading a book.”

“Okay.” Crispin looked around the room, as if trying to come up with an idea.

“What’s in the package?” Severus inquired as his eyes fell on the bag.

Crispin’s lips slowly drew up in a mischievous smile. “Something for you.” He quickly rose from the chair, snatched the bag up and handed it to the boy reposing on the sofa.

Severus opened the bag slowly, half afraid it would be another book. Instead he pulled out a brightly coloured box. “Um, thanks.” He wasn’t sure what else to say. The chemistry kit was amazingly basic, his knowledge extended far beyond what this set was designed to teach.

“I know you’re thinking that it’s a very elementary set.”

“No, I didn’t…”

“It’s fine. I only got it so we could have the test tubes and the flame.”

“Why would we…?”

“You have to get the rest of the items out of the bag.”

Severus gave Crispin a puzzled look but the boy only smiled and nodded towards the bag. Curiously Severus put his hand into the bag and pulled out a packet of jelly babies and a tube of white powder. “I don’t…”

“I remembered you said you’d never gone to non-magical school so I thought I’d show you an experiment we did in secondary.”

“Oh.”

“Come on, guaranteed it will amuse you.”

Severus couldn’t think of a single muggle experiment that could excite him the way brewing a new potion could but he was willing to try.

“Come on, grab your crutches and let’s go to the shop.”

“Why do we have to go out there?”

“I wouldn’t dare do this inside. If things went wrong, mum would kill us both.”

Severus grabbed his crutches and swung himself up off the sofa. “Cris, what are we going to do?”

“Just wait and see.” Crispin sounded almost childishly enthusiastic.

Severus followed the blond as quickly as he could through the kitchen and out to the small building in the back garden. Once there he threw the crutches aside and sat down on a stool. “Wretched things.”

“Not loving the crutches I see.”

“They hurt my armpits.”

“Cheer up, you only have five more weeks to go.”

“Not a comfort right now. So, what am I doing here?”

“Unpack the test tubes and Bunsen burner.”

Severus carefully removed the items from the box. “At what point are you going to tell me what we’re doing?”

“Sev, you just have to trust me and go with it. Okay?”

“Fine. Now what?”

“Put this much powder in the test tube and heat it up,” said the elder boy, measuring out the powder on a small scale.

Severus frowned. “Cris is this safe?”

“Technically we should have some sort of shield up and glasses and what not.”

“Then grab a couple of those safety glasses over there.”

“Sev.”

“Cris, if you’re not going to be safe then I’m not going to take part in this experiment.”

“Fine, you win.”

“Now is there something we can use as a shield?”

“What if we clamp a piece of plastic sheeting to the table?”

“Works for me.”

After much digging around they found a large piece of plastic and a half dozen clamps. Swiftly they attached the sheet to the workbench. Severus then scooped the powder into the tube and heated it.

“Okay, turn the burner off,” Crispin said.

Severus promptly shut off the flame. He watched as Crispin picked up a jelly baby with a pair of tongs. “What are you going to do with that?”

“Watch and learn,” Crispin said as he dropped the candy into the tube.

Severus was about to protest when the baby burst into flames and the sound of screaming filled the building. He felt himself blink in surprise. “What in the hell?”

“Great isn’t it?” Crispin was watching him with amusement.

“Why did that happen?”

“I honestly don’t know. They use to do this on open evenings at school, I guess to show us how much fun science could be.”

“I don’t know if I’m appalled at the burning of candy or highly entertained.”

“Go with the highly entertained.” Cris held out the packet of babies. “Want to try one?”

“Eating or incinerating?”

“Incinerating of course.”

“Yeah.” He reached for the powder and the tube.

Crispin reached out and grabbed his wrist. “You need a new tube.”

“Why?”

“If the tube isn’t perfectly clean it’ll explode.”

“You should have bought more test tubes.”

Crispin laughed loudly. “We have a dozen here. If you want to do more after that we’ll have to wash them and let them dry. But let’s use these up first.”

Severus was surprised at how quickly they ran through the test tubes. He was even more surprised by how much he enjoyed watching the candy go up in flames. This amusement was probably increased by the fact that he named the babies after people he especially disliked. Unpredictably he found this lessened his anger towards those particular people, and by the time Crispin gathered up the test tubes and headed towards the house for lunch Severus was in a remarkably good mood.

“How about I clean the test tubes while you put lunch in?” Severus offered as he swung through the door.

Crispin frowned and shot a glance at the crutches before nodding. “Alright, but after that you need to sit.”

Severus let out an exasperated huff. “Why does everyone persist in treating me like a baby?”

“I think if you look at it rationally you will see we are treating you like someone who’s been injured. And you should take that as a mark of our affection for you…Now what temperature were we suppose to cook this on?” He asked as he pulled a casserole from the refrigerator.

“Gas mark 7 for ten minutes.”

Crispin turned the dial, opened the door and shoved the brown dish in.

“You do know you’re meant to preheat the oven before you put the food in.”

“Oh – well – umm.” The other boy moved to open the door again.

“Just leave it.”

“Won’t that muck it up?”

“No, it will just take a little longer to get done.”

“Why don’t you sit down and let me finish those?”

“There’s only two left so it should only take a minute or so.”

Crispin nodded and crossed to the table, where he immediately began to fidget with the edge of the placemat. Severus silently washed the tubes. He wanted to say something to Cris about his obvious distress but he was unsure of how to broach the subject. No ideas had come to mind by the time he laid the last of the tubes on the towel. He slowly limped to the table and sat down.

“So.”

“So. How do you like the new room?”

“It’s nice but I still wish you all hadn’t gone to so much trouble.”

“It wasn’t an inconvenience; actually it was a lot of fun.” Cris laughed “I think we might have gotten more paint on each other than the walls.”

“It sounded like you were having a good time. I wish I could have helped.”

“I’ll tell you what, the very next time I decide to paint a room you’ll be the first person I phone.”

“I look forward to it.”

Silence descended on the room once again. As Crispin began to fiddle with the mat once more Severus made up his mind to ask his friend about his dilemma.

“Cris.”

“Yes?”

“Do you want to – check the sheppard’s pie?”

“Sure.” Crispin rose from his seat and walked to the oven. “What is it that I’m looking for?”

“The cheese should be melted and bubbly.”

“I don’t think…”

“Let me look.” Severus swung around on his seat and after a disparaging glance at the crutches left them where they were and hobbled to his friend’s side.

“Sev, you are meant to use the crutches.”

“When did you become an old woman Cris? … I think it needs another couple of minutes.” He stated as he leaned against the counter and crossed his arms.

“Will you go sit down before you mess your ankle up even more.”

“Ten steps is not going to make my ankle worse.”

“Good luck explaining that one to mum. Who, I’d like to point out, isn’t going to let us be alone for the rest of the summer if she finds out about that brilliant move you just made.”

Figuring disagreeing was pointless Severus sighed and made his way back to the table. While Crispin busied himself getting out the plates and utensils he flipped through a magazine. In practically no time full plates were resting in front of them both.

“How do you think you’ll cope when mum leaves next week?”

Severus laughed. “I think we’ll just manage to muddle through. Vi’s been cooking and freezing meals like mad. And no sooner do you take off a piece of clothing then she’s put it in the wash.” He shook his head in amusement.

“Figures, but I was actually more curious about how things were between you and Petunia.”

“Cris, Petunia is always going to hate me. The best I can hope for where she’s concerned is to keep my temper and not say anything too retaliatory.”

“So you think you’ll be fine without a buffer? Or is Lily going to fulfil that role?”

“I think Lily’s days of being a buffer are over. Petunia seems to be of the opinion that Lily and I…” He broke, searching for the right word.

“Are just waiting for the opportunity to shag like bunnies?”

“I wasn’t going to be quite that blunt, but yes.”

“Maybe I can see if I can get Petunia out of the house for a night so you and Lily can have a little alone time.”

“I don’t think Petunia’s going to agree to that and Lily and I wouldn’t want to put you out.”

“You wouldn’t be and it’s not as if I have anything else to do with myself.” Cris’ voice caught a little.

It was clear to Severus that Crispin was upset. He wasn’t sure any advice he would be able to give would be helpful but he felt he owed it to his friend to give him as much support as Cris had given him.

“Cris, I know you said you didn’t want to talk about…” Severus stopped, unsure if Crispin would want to hear the name.

“Honoria, you can say her name, Sev.”

“Honoria, but if you want to I’ll listen.”

For several minutes Crispin carried on eating in complete silence then he suddenly he put his fork down. “I only wish I knew what happened.”

Severus promptly swallowed down his mouthful of food. “Maybe talking will help you figure it out or I might get an idea that will help.”

“I – everything seemed fine to me. We had a great time when we went on mini-break. We talked, really talked about what we wanted and what happened last summer. By the end of the weekend I thought we were both on the same page. And for the month after it was as close to perfect as I could hope for. But then…” Cris broke off, took a long swallow of water, staring off into the distance. “She stopped coming ‘round and no matter how often I ring she doesn’t pick up the phone.”

“Maybe she’s ill.”

“For going on three weeks?”

“What do you think has happened then?”

“I’m afraid…” Tears welled up in Crispin’s eyes.

“Do you think Honoria’s moved on?”

“I do. I just wish if that were the case she would have the courage to let me know.”

“Have you tried going to hers and talking to her?”

“No, I’m trying to keep at least a smidgeon of my dignity.”

“Do you still love her?”

“I wish I didn’t, but I do.”

“What do you plan to do?”

“Try to get over her and get on with my life.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Depends, is there a magical way to cure a broken heart?”

“I’m afraid not. Witches and wizards have to suffer the same way muggles do.”

Crispin nodded sadly and pushed the plate away from him. “I really envy you, you know.”

Severus didn’t have the least idea what to say. As far as he knew no on had ever been jealous of him in his life. But as it turned out he didn’t have to say anything because Crispin carried on without a word of encouragement. “You and Lily are so obviously happy…The way you look at each other. I would give anything and everything for that. Instead I have – nothing I guess.”

“Cris, I think I’m going to give you a piece of your own advice back. If you love Honoria, really love her and think the two of you are meant to be then fight for her.”

“I wouldn’t know how.”

“That’s something I understand. And you were a little short on actual advice in that letter but as I recall you told me to stop lying around feeling sorry for myself.”

“I’m not laying around. I’m teaching you about screaming jelly babies and trying to ascertain if you and Petunia are going to kill each other while mum’s gone.”

“I have to own the jelly baby incineration is fun. As for Petunia and I – I suppose only time will tell how that works out. One thing is certain though; I’ll be damned if I’ll go to prison for her, so all things told I think we’ll survive. Now stop trying to evade the original topic.”

Crispin picked the two plates up off the table and piled them in the sink. “I’m not trying to. I just don’t know what else there is to talk about.”

Severus shoved himself away from the table and swung his way to the sink. “Don’t leave those for Violet.”

“She said to.”

“Well, I do them anyway.” He turned the faucet on and squeezed soap into the stream of water. “Are you going to talk to her or are you going to do what you told me not to?”

“My situation is not the same as yours.”

“It’s exactly the same.” Severus declared, turning the tap harder than necessary in his frustration. “No, actually I take that back, it is different. If Honoria has left you then you can just walk away. I, on the other hand, would have had to have spent who knows how long listen to Lily tell me all about her relationship with that prat, and during this I would have had to pretend I wasn’t in love with her.”

“Severus…”

“No, Cris you wouldn’t let me give up when I was convinced Lily would end up with Potter. I would hardly be a good friend if I didn’t do the same for you.” Crispin looked prepared to interrupt so Severus swiftly carried on. “If nothing else, at least you’d know where you stand. From my experience anything is better than living in limbo.”

Severus picked up the dishcloth and prepared to plunge his hand into the soapy water when Crispin took the white material from his hand. “Go sit down.”

Severus nodded and sat back down.

There was a long pause before the man at the sink asked. “Would you have really been alright with it if Lily had picked Potter over you?”

“No, I’d have been a mess, probably for a very long time afterward. But – at least – I’d have known I tried.”

“What if she tells me we’re through?”

“Then you come over here and we’ll call buckets of jelly babies after her and cremate them all.”

Crispin chuckled as he put a plate in the drying rack. “We might need more test tubes.”

“I should definitely get more anyway, it might be all that gets me through spending a fortnight with Petunia and no Violet.”

“I guess I should get my arse in gear then, so I can be back in time to save you from the wrath of Petunia.”

“I would appreciate that… You’re not planning on leaving right now are you?”

“Of course not, can’t leave you on your own. Why do you ask?”

“Well, for one, you look ready to bolt and two, you’re dripping dirty dishwater all over the floor.”

“Shite!” Crispin threw the cloth back into the water and wiped the floor with a dishtowel.

Severus could only shake his head and smile. “If you’re not going then I think I’m ready for my rematch.”

“Ready to be trounced again are you?”

“You wish.”

“Those are fighting words, brother… Fine, you go set up the board and I’ll be there in a minute.”

The chess game that followed lasted many hours and included much joking and bragging. But Severus thought he had accomplished his task because Cris seemed to be in a more light-hearted mood when he and May left. Now the only annoyance left in his life was Petunia.

Three days later, Lily was sitting on her bed, frantically trying to finish her History of Magic essay before Remus and Sabrina arrived to spend the afternoon. She glanced at the clock, ten minutes, tops. Dipping her quill back into her ink she wrote as fast as she could without spattering ink everywhere. She was in the midst of what she considered to be a truly revelatory remark about the Goblin Wars, one that would undoubtedly pull Professor Binns out of his stupor, when a sharp rap sounded on her door. Choosing to ignore it she carried on with her writing, but the rap soon became a pound.

Knowing there was no escape, she sighed and called, “come in.”

It hardly surprised her when the door opened to reveal her sister. What did surprise Lily was the black object that came hurtling towards her. She swerved slightly to avoid the projectile, which fell with a thud on her essay, smearing the still wet ink.

“That boy left that in the bath.”

Lily’s hand curled around the handle. “If you mean Severus then use his name. As for the brush where else do you expect him to keep it?”

“I know it’s difficult for that Snape boy to understand this, but some of us have standards of cleanliness. Perhaps he would be more comfortable if he packed up and went back to the sort of hovel he’s use to.”

Lily could feel her temper starting to rise. She knew her sister was trying to goad her and she wasn’t going to give Petunia the satisfaction. “You know that Severus going back to Spinner’s End is not an option and I can assure you, he is a very clean individual.”

“It shows,” Petunia sneered. “Why are you so insistent on that freak being part of our lives?”

“I don’t know, perhaps because he’s been my best friend for years or maybe it’s because he’s my boyfriend now.”

“I knew this would happen, from that very first day in the play park when that boy had the gall to speak to us. I knew he’d never stop until he had drug you down to his level. Honestly, Lily, you were raised better than this.”

“Better than what?”

“Is this really what you want Lily? Do you want to be abnormal? Do you want to end up spending the rest of your life with that…that…whatever? Do you want to end in being trash, like him, living in a ghetto?”

Lily was fighting very hard to keep her temper now; still she tried to remain calm. “First of all, Sev is not now nor has he ever been trash. You act as if he picked his life Petunia. As if he asked to live in Spinner’s End and be born to people who don’t care about him at all. I can assure you that is not the case. If anything, I think you would appreciate the fact he is trying to make something better of his life.”

“Oh please, Lily, people like that don’t change. If you’re born scum then you die scum and nothing will ever change that. He’s completely classless.”

“Sev is not classless. As it happens his mother’s family can trace her line back for centuries. His ancestor was a trusted advisor to William the Conqueror. As for the Snapes, they once owned large tracks of land. It seems that makes them more well-born than anyone in our past ever was.”

“And look at what they are now. It just goes to show how bad blood will win out in the end.”

That was it. She could feel the last vestiges of control snap. “Do you know in the wizarding world I’m the one with the bad blood? That many people call me a Mudblood? Do you need me to translate that for you, Petunia? It means someone whose blood is dirty, too dirty to even speak to, let alone be friends with. Those people wouldn’t blame Sev if he never spoke to me again. And he could do that Tuney, turn his back on me and walk away. Only be friends with people who are pure-bloods, like his mother, but he’s stayed. And do you know why?”

Petunia slowly shook her head, her eyes as big as saucers. Lily knew she was yelling, probably causing her sister to be terrified but she didn’t stop. “Because he’s a wonderful, loving, courageous person! And you’re right he isn’t normal! He’s turned his back on everything, on his housemates, on his family, on everything he was meant to be for me, your sister, and that’s not normal! That is extraordinary, Petunia! That is what makes him such an amazing man. But you are so stuck on holding his place of birth against him you can’t see that. You are missing out on being friends with a truly exceptional person and for that I feel sorry for you.”

The sound of a knock on the front door drifted up to them. “Petunia, you will live your entire life with no greater goal than being just like everyone else. And I think that’s sad, because you will never do anything, never break free and really live. Now if you don’t mind, I do believe that some more of my freaky friends have come for a visit.”

Lily breezed by her open-mouthed sister and was rushing down the stairs when the bell rang.

“Coming!” yelled Severus as he swung through the door to the kitchen.

“Sev, go sit down, I’ll get it.” Lily continued down the stairs as Severus veered off towards the lounge. Having reached the door, she took a deep breath in, trying to calm herself. Once she felt fully in control, she plastered a smile on her face and threw open the door. The second her eyes fell on the couple in front of her she felt infinitely better.

“Hi, Lily.” Sabrina said while beaming.

“Come in, both of you.” Lily waved her friends in. Once the door had closed she gave them each a hug and then turned to the lounge. “We’re in here.”

Lily smiled as she saw Severus sitting on the sofa with a book in hand, he really couldn’t stand to sit and do nothing. The second the group crossed into the room he dropped the book down beside him and made to stand.

“Don’t get up,” Remus stated, as he took in the injured ankle.

“Thanks.” Severus gave a small half-smile as he fell back onto the cushions.

“What did you do to yourself?” Remus asked, crossing to the other boy and shaking his hand.

“Broke my ankle.”

“How come you didn’t magically heal it?” Sabrina asked as she sat down in one of the wing chairs.

“Someone wouldn’t let me.” Severus stated, with a twinkle in his eyes.

Lily gave a little laugh as she moved the book aside and sat down, snuggling up against his side. “That’s because he told me he wasn’t entirely sure about the spell. Strangely enough, I prefer my boyfriend to have two feet instead of one.”

“Good to know you have so little faith in my abilities.”

“Oh I have loads of faith in your abilities, when you know what you’re doing.”

Remus laughed. “Don’t take it too much to heart. I have a plethora of confidence in James but I remember this one time…” Sabrina reaching out and grabbing his hand stopped Remus abruptly.

“Lily, why didn’t you just take Severus to…” Sabrina was cut off as Petunia flounced into the room.

Both Sabrina and Remus smiled encouragingly at the elder Evans’ daughter but Petunia ignored them both, choosing instead to march across the room to the bookcase. She rapidly pulled several books off the shelf and then slammed them back into their spots. Clearly not finding what she was looking for, she shoved the sofa with her hip, causing the couch to shift and Severus to wince as his ankle was jostled against the wood trim at the bottom.

Lily cleared her throat slowly. “Sabrina, Remus, this is my sister, Petunia. Petunia these are my friends, Sabrina and Remus.”

Lily waited anxiously to see how her sister would react. Petunia swung around and cast a dismissive glance over the two people in the wing chairs, the book she was holding falling from her hands. Hastily she stooped down to scoop the book up. What happened next Lily wasn’t able to figure out. The only things she knew for certain was she heard a hiss come from Petunia and Severus’ eyes flashed angrily. Petunia muttered a few other incomprehensible words under her breath and left as speedily as she had come.

Lily could feel Severus tensing in preparation to rise and follow after Petunia. “Sev,” she soothed.

The atmosphere in the room was horribly strained. Lily searched for a way to both dissipate it and keep Severus from going after Petunia and responding to whatever insult she had thrown his way.

It was Remus who saved the day. “What are you reading Severus?”

Severus pulled his eyes away from the direction Petunia had gone. “What?

“I was wondering what the book is.”

“Oh, it’s _The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire_.”

“Which edition?”

“Bury.”

“And how far have you gotten?”

“I have twenty pages left in volume one.”

“You’re doing better than I did. I think I managed about three pages before I was so bored I gave up.”

Lily felt Severus relax next to her. “It is pretty dry but I made it a goal to finish the whole thing.”

“Wow. Are you planning on finishing this summer?”

Severus gave a low chuckle. “Maybe volume one, but it’s taken me three years to read that so I think I’ll be a bit longer with the rest.”

“How many volumes are there?” Sabrina inquired.

“Twelve,” Lily answered dryly.

“So you should be done in…” Sabrina paused, obviously calculating. “Thirty-six years.”

Lily groaned and looked sideways at the boy next to her. “Do you think you could read slightly faster? I don’t think I can stand to have those books around for the next four decades.”

“I promise I’m going as fast as I can. And this copy was my grandda’s so they’re going to be around as long as I am.”

“Well if nothing else they make good doorstops, at least that’s what I use mine for.”

“Rem it can’t be that bad.”

“Brina if the two readers can’t get through them in less time than thirty some odd years I think it’s safe to say it is the driest book ever written.”

“No, I think that award goes to _The Return of the Native_.” Severus responded.

“You didn’t like _Native_?” Remus asked.

“The main character was a heath, how can you get any more boring?”

“Psst, Lily,” Sabrina said in a stage whisper.

“Yes, Brina.”

“How did we get stuck in the middle of a book discussion group?”

“Because we are silly enough to date intellectual men.”

“So, what do we do?”

“Ignore them and have our own conversation.”

“Okay. You start.”

“I take it that you passed your second apparition test?”

Remus gave a chortle. “I thought you wanted a book club Lil.”

“I wasn’t planning on starting today.”

Sabrina smiled indulgently at her boyfriend and then turned her attention back to Lily “Yes, I did pass. It turns out it is so much easier if you go to the ministry.”

“How so?” asked Lily.

“Well for one they are a lot calmer, there’s no shouting and they actually ask you all the questions before you even make an attempt. Plus Rem was there and that helped.” Sabrina smiled happily at the boy next to her, who picked up her hand and kissed it.

Lily was reminded of her parents and couldn’t help but smile at them. Sighing she gave Severus her own quick kiss. “So do you think that we should eat first and then go to the cinema or vice-versa?”

“Can I vote for eating first?” Remus enquired.

“It sounds good to me. Besides if we go to the cinema first then I’ll just fill up on junk.”

“I’m okay with eating first. Sev?” Lily quirked an eyebrow him.

“Whatever everyone else wants is fine by me. I just need to go get my wallet and a shoe.”

“I’ll go get it. It takes you a million years to get up the stairs with those things.” Lily nodded at the crutches as she bounded out of the sofa. “Brina, you want to come have the grand tour and we can leave these two to talk about what crap…” Lily leaned down and picked up the book at her feet “…Gibbon is?”

“Sounds good.” Sabrina gave Remus a swift kiss before following Lily out of the room.

“Over there is the dining room and these are obviously the stairs.”

“Lil, I know this is none of my business but…”

“But what?”

“Is Severus living here?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Home problems.”

Sabrina nodded her head. “What’s that like? I mean you two living in the same house?”

“Honestly, dating Sev is not that different from being best friends with him. Well there are one or two rather significant differences” Lily blushed as she opened a door, trying to push the memory of the other night from her mind. “This is my room.”

“It’s pretty, not what I would have pictured for you, but still.”

“What did you expect?”

“Gryffindor central. It seems to be a house trait.”

“Is your room like that?”

“I do have a banner but that’s it. On the other hand, Rem’s room is painted the perfect Gryffindor red.”

“When did you see Remus’ bedroom?”

“I went there the other day to meet his mum and dad.”

“And?”

“They’re nice. His mum is drop, dead gorgeous, like something out of a Botticelli painting.”

“Hmm.” Lily picked up her purse, while trying to wrap her mind around that fact.

“I know, it doesn’t fit does it? You know I think Rem is lovely, but he’s more homey then glamorous.”

“I understand completely. Sev doesn’t fall into the exotic category either though I think he’s handsome.” Lily pulled the door to her room closed and then crossed to the door catty-corner to hers. “This is Sev’s room.”

Sabrina hovered just outside of the door, while Lily crossed to the dresser. “You can come in.”

“Are you sure he won’t mind?”

“Sev hides everything he wouldn’t want my sister to see. Which is practically everything he owns. Where did he put the wretched thing?” Lily asked shifting several knickknacks aside.

“Now this is what I would expect. A nice Slytherin green room.”

“Green is Sev’s favourite colour, it has nothing to do with him being a Slytherin.”

“Come on, Lil.”

“No, really. One of the first things he told me when we were nine was that his favourite colour was green.”

“Well I have to admit the only thing that makes it Slytherin is the colour. It’s not like James or Sirius’ rooms.”

“Well haven’t you had quite the tour of the Marauder bedrooms?” Lily laughed.

“Only because Rem seems to live at the Potters.”

Lily turned from the dresser, a wallet clutched in her hand. “How is James?”

“I could lie to you but the truth is, well, he’s been better.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt him.”

“I know that Lil and I think he does too. It’s just he was so enamoured of you and it’s hard for him to let it go.”

“I suppose it doesn’t help I chose Severus over him.”

“No, though I think Sirius is more upset about that then James is. And you most likely made the smart choice because it appears that to date one Marauder is to date them all.”

“So what kind of kisser is Sirius?” quipped Lily as she rummaged in the wardrobe, looking for one of Sev’s new trainers.

“Not as good as Rem.”

Instantly the shoe she was holding fell from Lily’s hand. “I thought you were joking about the dating thing.”

“I was… Oh God, Lil, I haven’t snog Sirius in ages.”

“I didn’t know you have ever snogged Sirius.”

“Once, in third year.” Lily felt her mouth fall open.  “Lily, you can’t tell Remus. He’ll – I don’t know what he’ll do.”

“Rip Sirius’ lips off?”

“Probably, so this is between you, me and the Slytherin bedroom.”

“Okay, but I still think you should tell him.”

“I know and I intend to, just not now. Things are a little odd between Sirius and Remus.”

“Still?” Lily said as she picked the shoe up off the floor.

“Yes, I wish I knew what had happened but Rem won’t tell me. Anyway, Sirius has been especially touchy the last few days. For the life of me I can’t figure out why.”

“Maybe something happened with his family. That tends to make Sev edgy.”

“As far as I know Sirius hasn’t talked to his parents since Christmas. No, he was fine until Mary started coming round.”

Lily felt herself smile as she shut the door to Severus’ room. “It didn’t take her too long to swoop in did it?”

Sabrina gave a giggle. “No and James appears to enjoy her company.”

“See, I’m not so hard to get over after all.”

“Guess not, though I presume Severus wouldn’t agree.”

“I don’t think I’m actually going to test that theory on Sev.” Lily tossed over her shoulder as they headed down the stairs.

“What theory is that?” Severus asked, staring up at her from the foot of the staircase.

“Nothing dearest. I thought you and Remus were talking about what’s his name.”

“Short discussion, we both agreed he was as dry as dust. Did you find my wallet?”

“Yes.” She answered handing it out to him. Sabrina smiled as she slipped past them and into the lounge.

“Do I get to know the theory?”

“No.”

“I’ll get it out of you sooner or later.”

“Undoubtedly, but for now we have company and we should entertain them.”

“I was actually on my way to get the paper so we could pick a film.”

“I already have it narrowed down to two.” Lily proclaimed as she took his hand and led him back into the room. “Here, put your shoe on, dearest. I looked over the paper this morning and the only things I could see we could all potentially agree on were ‘The Prince and the Pauper’ or ‘A Bridge too Far’. Personally I’m fine with either.”

“I can’t say I’m in the mood for a war picture,” Remus remarked.

“Me either.” Sabrina chimed in.

“Sorry, Lil looks like we’re seeing ‘The Prince and the Pauper’. And if everyone is alright with it then I think we should go to the Royal Oak to eat.”

“Can you walk that far?” questioned Sabrina, looking at Severus leg.

“My mum’s driving us downtown and the cinema and pub are close together so he won’t have to hike to much.”

In next to no time, Lily had disappeared and then reappeared with Violet. It seemed to Lily the rest of the day passed in a haze. It felt good to be able to be open about her relationship with Severus, to hold his hand and kiss him when she wanted in front of others. Even though she’d been able to do this in front of Remus and Sabrina before it felt different now, perhaps because she wasn’t asking them to keep secrets for her.

And everyone else appeared to be having a good time as well. The book debate had spilled over into their dinner, with each person throwing out a book they felt they should read over the course of the following school term. Only Severus was practical enough to point out they might all be too busy studying for their N.E.W.T.s to care about any extra reading. But even he acquiesced after seeing the picture, in large part because he thought the actor playing the lead role was far too old and some of the performances were absurdly over the top. Because of this it was decided they would each read the Twain novel and meet in a month to discuss it.

After they had waved Remus and Sabrina goodnight, Lily and Severus settled on the sofa. Nominally to watch a program on television, though what was on she couldn’t say.

“That was fun.” Lily murmured into Severus’ chest.

“Hmm.” Severus muttered, running his hand over her hair and down her back.

“Didn’t you have a good time?”

“Yes.” He answered through a yawn.

“I thought you were going to burst when Heston came on as King Henry.”

“He gets no points for subtlety.”

“I don’t think you can play Henry subtle.”

“I guess not…Lil is Petunia asleep?”

“I would guess so.”

“And Vi?”

“Definitely.” She answered breathlessly, slowly scooting up the length of the sofa until they were face to face.

Lily could feel Severus’ warm breath against her face. Her eyes fell to his lips and she edged closer to him. Fingers lightly caressed her jaw line, angling her head until green eyes met black.

“How did I get so lucky?” The working class accent was creeping back into Severus’ speech.

“I was wondering that myself.”

She squirmed closer, waiting for the feel of his lips on hers. His arms wrapped tightly around her as she flicked her tongue against his lips. Severus gave a groan and pulled her even closer. After that Lily lost all track of time until the light above them flicked on. It was also at that moment she realized Severus’ shirt was unbuttoned and at least one of the hooks of her bra was undone.

Hastily she scrambled into a more respectable position, one that was not her laying on top of her boyfriend. Astonishingly Petunia didn’t immediately run for their mother.

“You two are disgusting.” Petunia spat at them.

Lily was only half a heartbeat away from finally asking her sister what it was that she and her fiancé did. But Severus’ hand laid lightly on hers made her refrain. “I’m sorry you find us so revolting,”

“Don’t think you’re going to do that sort of…” Petunia waved her hand in their general direction, grimacing all the while. “thing while you’re under my supervision. If mum doesn’t want to make you behave respectably that is her decision but you will comport yourselves in a seemly manner while I’m in charge. Just you remember that.” Petunia pivoted so quickly her sister was surprised she didn’t get whiplash.

Lily groaned and collapsed against Severus’ still bare chest.

He sighed as his arms snaked around her. “It’s going to be a long fortnight.”

Lily could only nod her head and moan in agreement.

 


	38. Understanding Petunia

The next few days flew by and sooner then she would have thought it possible, Lily realised her mother was packing to leave on her holiday. As the suitcases filled the atmosphere in the house became steadily tighter with tension. She knew each of them was waiting to see what Violet would have to say about the rules while she was gone and most importantly who would be left in charge. In her heart, Lily feared her mother would say all decisions ultimately rested with Petunia. What she would do if this turned out to be the case Lily was entirely unsure.

While a knot seemed to have permanently taken up residence in her stomach something made Lily refrain from mentioning any of her fears to Severus. Perhaps this was because he looked indescribably stressed which was hardly surprising given his and Petunia’s past relationship. Her own stress level increased when she saw Severus taking a large pile of books into his room. She wondered if his plan was to just hide for a fortnight. That thought made her feel sick. If Severus retreated to his room where would that leave her?

So it was with trepidation in her heart that Lily sat down to dinner the night before Violet was to leave. Possibly in the hopes she could still sway her mother, Petunia had cooked a complicated meal of roast beef and Yorkshire pudding. The fact that they were sitting in the dining room did nothing to ease Lily’s queasiness. Severus was obviously just as edgy as her because he picked at his food rather than eating it. Petunia however, appeared to be in a marvellous mood. This only increased Lily’s nausea and she had to excuse herself to the toilet for several long breaths.

“Lily are you feeling alright?” Violet asked anxiously as Lily sat back down in her seat.

“Yes, mum, I just had to pop to the loo.”

“You’re not eating. I hope you’re not getting sick.”

Violet looked so fretful Lily smiled and loaded her fork with food. Knowing if her mother thought she was coming down with something Violet would promptly cancel her trip and Lily wasn’t going to let her sister have that much power. Out of the corner of her eye, Lily noticed Severus had stopped picking at his food and was taking normal bites of food. “I promise I’m not getting sick. I’m just not particularly hungry – it seems strange to think about being here without you.”

“I’m certain you will all be fine. There are a few things I would like to go over quickly. I have paid the Winters’ boy to come and do the gardening while I’m gone.”

Severus looked prepared to protest but Violet didn’t give him the chance. “Severus, I know you want to help, but your ankle is still mending and I feel it would be best if you didn’t do any work in the garden. I trust both you girls to make certain Severus doesn’t overdo it and that includes not going up and down the stair excessively.”

Lily couldn’t help but notice her sister was looking increasingly angry. It was apparently something their mother missed because she carried on without missing a beat. “Petunia, there are several bills on the secretary that need to be posted. They are grouped together by date; make certain you send them on the date I indicated and no sooner. The milkman will need to be paid on Wednesdays. I have left an envelope with extra money in case there are any unforeseen expenses. There is plenty of food premade for you in the freezer, I have left a list of cooking instructions for each dish on the counter.

“Let’s see what else. Oh, yes. I have left a list of numbers in case of an emergency on the secretary. Unfortunately, Cris is going to be out of town for the next few days but his number in London is listed. I think I can trust you all not to have a crazy party while I am gone, though you are free to have a few friends over. Please be very careful if you take the car out. I think that’s everything. I will try to ring you a couple of times to check in and make certain everything is alright here.”

“Mum, we all want you to have a good time, so don’t fret about us,” Lily said with a smile.

“Who’s in charge?” Petunia asked abruptly.

“I’m sorry?”

“Who’s in charge?” This time Petunia sounded peevish.

“I think you are each old enough to be in charge of yourselves.”

“What if there’s a conflict?”

“Then I expect you to resolve it as adults, Petunia.”

Lily could see her sister’s good mood completely evaporate. Severus, on the other hand, looked relieved and began to eat his food with greater relish. Petunia, however, was unwilling to let the issue drop. “Mum, if no one’s in charge there will be chaos. What if each of us tries to cook dinner or use…”

Violet sighed and put her fork down. “Petunia, if the three of you can’t work out those sort of trifles then perhaps you’re not able to be left alone. Should I ring Lionel and have him come and stay with you?”

Lily could see Severus glaring at Petunia from under lowered lashes, she was trying hard not to do the same. “There’s no need to do that. I’m certain with a little organization we’ll manage.”

It appeared Petunia hadn’t hear a single word that had come out of her sister’s mouth. “I’m getting married next summer. Don’t you think it would be helpful if I knew how to manage a household?”

“Yes, I do.” Violet responded.

Petunia glanced triumphantly around the table. Lily could almost hear Severus’ internal groan, but Violet wasn’t done yet. “As long as you understand it is a big responsibility. And it doesn’t necessarily follow that managing a household means managing its people as well.”

“But all the standard rules are in effect, correct?”

“Yes, I do expect you all to behave just the way you would if I were here.”

“So it’s really up to us to monitor one another and enforce those rules if needs be?”

“I suppose gentle reminders, to say put dirty dishes in the sink, would not be out of place.”

“So, ultimately we will have to discipline one another?”

Lily could see where this was all going, even if her mother couldn’t. Next to her, Severus’ fork hung limply in his hand. She knew he was vaguely impressed by the cunning Petunia was using to get her mother to put her in charge. With baited breath Lily waited to see how her mother would respond.

“I think any matters of discipline, and I am sure that there will be none, can wait until I get back.”

“But what if someone takes the car out or – or does something inappropriate?”

“Such as?”

Petunia stared at the tablecloth, her lips pursed. Then she slowly raised her head, her eyes darted from Lily to Severus. Lily braced herself, prepared to hear Petunia tell their mother about the other night. Her sister began to speak slowly, “well, Lily and Severus are dating so…”

“They know the rules and behaviour I expect from them.”

“And we will abide by those rules, Vi.” It was the first thing Severus had said all night.

“I know you will Severus. You have always been impeccably well behaved.” Violet smiled at him.

Petunia’s eyes hardened. “Shouldn’t we all know the rules?”

“I think it is enough that Lily and Severus know them and after all, they do not know your and Vernon’s rules.”

“But…”

“Enough, Petunia! We’re done with this discussion – Now is there anything in particular any of you would like me to bring back?”

Lily felt marvellously relieved by her mother’s stance. There was no question of her sister being able to boss her and Severus around now, though she had no doubt Petunia would still try. Lily looked around the table, Petunia was sitting in her seat glaring sulkily at her plate, while Severus was back to picking at his food.

Last of all, Lily looked down the table at her mother, Violet looked tired and strained, her green eyes took in each of the young people sitting around the polished wood surface. Lily knew her mother was within a hair’s breadth of cancelling her holiday. If that happened, Cris would never let them hear the end of it. He had been telling them all how anxious he was about Violet’s constant fatigue for months now. It was for this reason the trip had been purchased in the first place. Now that Lily was home, she could see what Cris was on about. There was absolutely no way she was going to let her mum miss out on a fortnight of relaxation.

“What sort of things do they have in Tuscany?” She asked.

Violet picked up her fork and smiled. “Truthfully, I’m not sure.”

“Wines mostly,” supplied Severus helpfully.

Lily couldn’t resist and teased. “Been reading up?”

“A little. There’s also a famous marble quarry, but for the life of me I can’t remember the name of the town at the moment.”

“Anything else of interest I should know?” Violet queried.

Then, much as Lily had suspected he would, Severus began to tell them all he had learned about the region in the last few weeks. By the time the meal was over Lily felt they were all a little more relaxed.

Thankfully, this was still the case the next morning. In an effort to be helpful to her mother, Lily had decided the night before to take over the making of breakfast. The house was silent as she pulled on her dressing gown and made her way downstairs. Having reached the kitchen, she searched for something she could make without mucking it up too badly. Her eyes fell on a bowl of fruit and she began to chop up the vessel’s contents. She was still pondering what else she could make when the door swung open and Severus appeared.

“Morning.”

“Morning.”

“The milkman’s come, but I couldn’t manage more than one bottle.” He set the flask on the table and swung over to the counter. “What are you doing?”

“Making breakfast for mum. Can you do a little of this while I get the rest of the milk and the eggs?”

“Of course.” He took the knife from her hand and balancing precariously on his crutches began to cut an apple.

“You should sit before mum catches you.” Lily chided.

“She won’t if you’re fast.”

Lily gave a wry smile and shook her head before hurrying to collect the items clustered by the front door. When she re-entered the kitchen she saw all of the fruit was chopped and Severus was now standing in front of the open refrigerator.

“What else are you planning on making?” He asked without turning around.

“I figured I could probably do toast and there’s some yoghurt.”

“I can make eggy bread.” Lily looked long and hard at his leg and pursed her lips. “You look like Petunia when you do that.”

She wrinkled her nose in distaste and rubbed her hand over her mouth. “Thanks.”

Severus gave her a small smile and a quick peck. “Your mother does it too so I wouldn’t get too upset…So, is that a yes or no on the bread?”

“Okay, but only if you sit for the non-cooking part.”

“Fine.”

“What are you doing?” Lily demanded as he began to move around the kitchen.

“I need to get the ingredients.”

“Sev, go sit down.” He opened his mouth to protest but Lily gave him no chance. “I’ll get the stuff for you.”

Giving a little huff, he sat down at the table. “You keep this up and I’ll forget how to walk.”

“I doubt that very strongly. Now what do you need?”

“Eggs, bread, milk, a plate and…”

Lily bustled around gathering up the items. “And?”

“I’ll get the last few things when I’m ready. I’m afraid you’ll have to leave for a moment or two at that point.”

She dropped an armload of things on the table. “Are you telling me you have a secret ingredient?”

“Don’t I always?”

“And you don’t trust me enough to tell me?”

“Well…”

“Oh, I see how it is. Perfectly willing to snog me, get caught on the sofa with his shirt unbuttoned, his hands on my bum but not to tell me his eggy bread secret. I thought I meant more to you than that.” She gave him a playful pout.

“If you’re going to get upset about it then I guess I have no choice. But you do understand this is a great Snape family secret, passed from gram to grandson so I can’t let it go for free.”

“And what is your required price?”

“Oh.” His hands reached out and pulled her onto his lap. “I think you’ll figure something out.”

Lily could feel his breath on her face, soft and warm. “Now I wonder what that could be.” She ran her hands up and down the collar of his black dressing gown. Leaning close she whispered into his ear. “Would it be a kiss you’re after?”

“I think I could let my secret go for a good kiss or two.”

Lily giggled softly and leaned in. She had only applied the slightest amount of pressure when she heard the unmistakable sounds of someone descending the stairs. She instantly deepened the kiss, only springing from his lap when the footsteps reached the door. She smoothed her hands over her hair, while Severus pulled himself up to the table and began cracking eggs onto the plate. It surprised neither of them when Petunia entered.

“What are the two of you doing?” She asked, eyeing them suspiciously.

“Fixing breakfast for mum. Sev’s doing eggy bread and I cut up some fruit and I thought I might fry up some rashers.”

“Perhaps it would be best if I did that.”

“Actually, Tuney, I was thinking it might be nice if we made it special for mum so maybe we could eat in the dining room. I was really hoping you would set the table since you do it so prettily.” Lily gave her sister what she knew to be her most winning look.

Petunia was clearly thrown by the request because her voice was bewildered when she asked, “do you want me to use the good china?”

“You decide. You’re better than I am at that sort of thing.”

“Alright, but I think you should let – Severus cook the bacon.” At this Petunia pivoted quickly and was half out the door before she added, “at least he won’t burn the house down.”

There was a moment or two of stillness after the yellow clad figure had exited before Severus said, “wow, I’m impressed.”

Lily gave him a bright smile. “Every once in a while I can figure out how to get around her.”

“Got any other ideas? Otherwise that was the last kiss you and I are going to have for the next fortnight.”

“Sorry, nothing yet but I’ll work on it.”

“Good.”

“So what’s the secret?”

“I need vanilla and an orange.”

Lily raised an eyebrow. “Interesting.”

Severus laughed and turned his attention back to the task at hand. It turned out watching Severus cook was almost as fascinating as watching him brew and Lily found most of her time was spent peering over his shoulder. He even let her cook up a piece of the bread, which wasn’t done as perfectly as his but didn’t turn out to be that bad, and it was the one he insisted on eating himself.

Breakfast was infinitely more relaxed than the previous night’s dinner had been. There was a general rehash of the Evans’ prior travels, mostly humorous things that had happened along the way, and a list of not to miss sights for Violet supplied by Severus. Petunia was especially insistent her mother go to at least one winery. In the end, they were all so caught up in their discussion by the time Violet looked at the clock she had barely thirty minutes to get herself together before the taxi arrived. Just as she was hurrying down the stairs followed by Lily carrying her cases, the car pulled up in front of the house.

“I know everything will be fine while I’m gone but just in case…”

“Mum, we went over this last night.”

“Oh, I know. Good bye, Petunia.” Violet pulled her eldest daughter into her arms. “I know you’ll keep the house up beautifully. Don’t ring Vernon too much.”

“I won’t, mum.”

“Lily, help your sister and remember what I told you.”

“I will mum.” Lily answered, returning her mother’s hug.

“Severus, don’t overdo it.”

“I won’t”

“And I’m trusting you to look after the girls.”

“I’ll do my best.”

The knocker fell against the door loudly and Violet swiftly hugged the young man in front of her. The door was opened and all her cases bundled outside before Lily was entirely aware of what was happening. With one last goodbye and an admonishment to be good Violet smoothed down her sky blue skirt and slid into the car. Lily, Severus and Petunia stood out in front of the house waving until the dark auto had disappeared from view and they walked slowly back into the house. Lily shut the door and turned to face the two people in the hall, now there was just the three of them.

Much as Lily had suspected, Severus took to hiding in his room for the next few days. Not that she could particularly blame him. Petunia had taken their mother’s gentle reminder suggestion fully to heart. No matter what Severus did Petunia found fault with it. Lily could tell he was desperately trying to keep his temper and was remarkably close to failing. It was the first time she had seen him have that hard angry look during the summer.

When Petunia wasn’t breathing down Severus’ throat obsessively she was compulsively cleaning the house. In fact, most of her jibes towards Severus were in regards to his cleanliness. Any spare time left to her was spent on the phone giggling annoyingly at whatever her fiancé was saying to her.

It was during one of these rather loud conversations that Lily went in search of Severus. It had been three days since Violet had left and in that time she had barely seen him. Last night he had even failed to appear for dinner, telling Petunia through the door that his ankle hurt and he was going to bed early when she had gone upstairs to confront him. Lily had been forced to spend the entire meal listening to her sister go on about her boyfriend’s lack of manners.

Lily rapped lightly on the door opposite her sister’s room. Even through the closed door Lily could hear Petunia braying quite clearly. Just as she was wondering if she should perhaps knock again, the door swung open cautiously. One cold black eye peered out of the crack, but the look softened as it took her in. Severus opened the door wider and gave her an exhausted smile.

“Hi.”

“Hello.” Lily responded standing awkwardly in the doorway. “So, can I come in or do I have to stand out here?”

“Oh, sorry.” Severus opened the door fully and moved to let her by, once she had slipped past him, he started to shut it again.

“Door.”

“Lil.”

“Sev, we promised mum.”

“Fine, but you know Petunia’s going to be by any minute now to have a go at me. The only way to avoid it is to have the door closed.”

“What could she possibly have to have a go at you about?”

“Merlin only knows. I’m probably not breathing correctly.” Severus stomped back over to the bed and threw himself across it.

“Sev, you really should be using…”

“Angel, please don’t you have a go at me too. I don’t think I could stand it.”

“This is really hard for you isn’t it?”

“I’ve never been nit-picked so much in my life. Even my father’s not as nasty as she’s been the last few days.”

“At least Tuney doesn’t hit you.”

“Because she knows she’d never get away with it. Frankly I’d almost prefer that to this.”

“Sev! How can you say that? How can you even think it?”

“At least there’s an end to that. He can only hit me for so long before he’s worn out or my mum gets him to go away. But this just goes on and on with no end in sight. She never lets up on me…Listen Lil, I was thinking, maybe it would be best if I went away for a little while.”

There was a lump growing in Lily’s throat. “If you left where in heaven’s name would you go? It’s just not a sensible idea, dearest.”

“I think I have enough money to stay at the Leaky Cauldron for a few days.”

“But you need that money for school supplies. And what about Cris? You said you wanted to get him a birthday gift this year.”

“I do, but I don’t think I can take this for another eleven days.”

“I won’t let her drive you away!”

“It’s not as if I’m going forever. I promise, just as soon as Violet gets home I’ll come back too.”

“Please don’t leave. If you go to London it’ll be almost a whole fortnight until we see each other.”

“I know.”

“We’ve never been apart that long.”

He smiled wryly up at her. “Afraid you couldn’t survive without me?”

“I’m afraid I’ll miss you terribly.”  Lily lowered herself down next to him and leaned in.

“Careful or the dragon lady might catch us.”

 Lily gave a melancholy laugh and pulled back. “Besides, you promised mum you’d look after us. So, I’m afraid you’re rather caught, because you know you never go back on your word.”

Severus lowered his head until his forehead was resting on the chocolate brown coverlet and sighed. Lily knew it was his way of acquiescing, he would stay.

“Fine, but if I lose control and jinx her, on your head be it.”

“Don’t give me that, we both know you can keep your temper when required.”

“But it’s not unlimited, Lil. Honestly Petunia might annoy me more than Potter and Black combined.”

Lily’s eyes widened at the statement but she was stopped from replying by the sight of Petunia’s door swinging open. She heard Severus groan and every muscle in his body tensed. But Petunia rushed by and the door of the loo slammed seconds later.

“See, she didn’t even notice you.”

“Don’t worry, she’ll get around to it.” His voice sounded bitter and weary.

“How about you get the dreaded crutches and take your girlfriend for a turn around the neighbourhood?”

“Wouldn’t that constitute overdoing it?”

“Hmmm. I think in this case it’s entirely necessary both for your sanity and Petunia’s continued good health.”

Severus gave a little chuckle and swung off his bed. “If you find my shoe, I’ll get a sock.”

Lily scrambled off the bed and opened the wardrobe door.

“Severus!” Lily winced as Petunia’s screech carried down the hall. The elder Evans’ girl was at the door in a remarkably short time. “I don’t know what sort of hovel you were raised in…”

Lily could see Severus’ right hand start to shake. She braced herself for the inevitable loss of temper that was coming. Petunia, however, seemed blithely unaware of the coming storm and continued on. “But around here we put our towels back on the towel rack folded neatly. Furthermore, when you’ve used the last of the toilet roll you are meant to put a new roll on the holder or are you so stupid you can’t figure that out?”

Fire was raging in the black eyes and the pale hand was making its way towards the drawer where Severus stored his wand. Lily barely registered these facts before coming to Severus’ defence. “Hold on, Tuney. The toilet roll thing was my fault. I used the last earlier and meant to get more but got distracted.”

At the sound of her voice, Petunia’s head swung in Lily’s direction, apparently registering her presence for the first time. “You – you wanton – you shameless…” Her eyes quickly snapped back to Severus. “Isn’t it enough that you’ve filled my sister’s head with your nonsense, made her into a freak like you, do you have to take her innocence, her purity as well? I won’t have it! Not under my roof! You collect your things and go back to the hole you crawled out of!”

Lily was dimly aware of Severus jumping to his feet, and she saw his mouth move but was unable to hear anything but the roaring in her own ears.

“Enough!” She yelled so loudly both Petunia and Severus jumped in shock. “You have no right to throw Severus out! This is not, I repeat not, your house! It is mum’s and she said he can stay, so he will! If you don’t like, it you can bloody well bugger off you bitch!”

“I won’t stand here and be talked to like this! I’m ringing mum!” Petunia tore from the room with Lily hard on her heals.

Petunia’s hand was reaching for the phone when Lily arrived at her side. Lily swiftly reached around her sister and jerked the phone out of her hand. The cord dangled from the receiver and Lily knew she would be in trouble when her mother got home. It had been a special gift to Tuney to have a phone line put in her bedroom. Petunia made no comment; she merely spun on her heel and ran from the room. Lily tossed the phone away and raced after her sister. From the doorway of his room, Severus watched the scene unfold. As she exited her sister’s room, Lily waved her hand in his direction indicating he should go back in his room. Whether he did or not, she couldn’t say.

By the time she had reached the lounge, Petunia already had the receiver to her ear and was punching numbers at a blinding speed. Lily swiftly ripped the phone away from her and slammed it back into the cradle.

“How dare you!” Lily winced at the pitch her sister’s voice reached.

“You are not ruining mum’s holiday!”

“I want him out! Look at what he’s done to you! Look at what he’s made you into!”

“No, Tuney this is your fault! You are to blame for this!”

“Really? Because you were perfectly normal when it was the two of us playing together!”

“We both know that isn’t true.”

“It is! If that gutter rat had just kept his mouth shut then you would still be normal!”

“Don’t you dare ever call Sev such a name again! And I was going to be a witch whether he said anything to me or not, or do you think he invented Hogwarts? Made up countless people? He’s good but not that good.”

“No, I have no doubt there’s a school of such freaks! But you didn’t need to be one of them! If it weren’t for him we could have squashed it out of you! We could have…”

“No, Tuney.” Lily shook her head sadly. “I was born a witch and nothing you or anyone else did could have changed that.”

“That’s not true!”

“It is Petunia. Sev didn’t make me into what I am. He just – helped me to understand it. You can’t blame him for that.”

“He stole you away!”

“From what?”

“From me! After that boy came along you didn’t want me around.”

“Oh, Tuney, I always wanted you around, but you were so mean to Sev, always saying such nasty things about him I didn’t think it was a good idea for you two to be together all that often.”

“And that’s why you always defended him is it? Even when he did cruel things to me, like hitting me with branches?”

“I left with you didn’t I? Or have you forgotten that part? And it’s not as if you were nice to him that day, picking on his shirt.”

“He should have dressed properly, like a boy, instead of wearing his mother’s blouse.”

“It wasn’t his mother’s and he didn’t have anything else! God, you still act as if Sev’s chosen his life!

“Do you realise how lucky we are, Tuney? We have two parents who love us. We got to grow up in this beautiful house, never wanting for anything. Not everyone is that lucky. Sev certainly wasn’t.”

“And I suppose that’s my fault as well is it?”

“No, but you could have shown him some compassion.”

“And what would that have accomplished?”

“Well, for one thing, you might have gotten on better.”

“Oh really, Lily, he was never going to like me because I wasn’t like the two of you.”

“Funny, he seems to like Cris and May just fine and they’re not magical. Maybe it was the way you treated him he had a problem with.”

“How do I know what he’s like with May and Cris? Perhaps when he chooses to pry into their private affairs, reads their private correspondence, they don’t care. Or more likely they haven’t caught him yet.”

Lily sighed and sank onto the sofa. “That wasn’t his fault.”

“Oh, I suppose some magical gene made him do it.”

“No, I did.” Petunia took a sharp breath in. “I’m sorry, Tuney. I took Sev into your room to see your trophy, the science one, and he saw the letter. It did intrigue him, just as I said. I doubt he would have read it if I hadn’t goaded him into it. I should have told you ages ago but you’re my sister and I didn’t want you to be any angrier at me than you already were.”

“See what a bad influence he is on you.”

“You’re determined to think badly of him aren’t you?”

“What do you expect me to think when I find you together in bed or writhing around on the sofa with your clothes off?”

“Our clothes were on.”

“Oh really, I must have imagined his chest or his pyjama bottoms rolled up at the foot of your bed.”

“Okay, yes, his shirt was unbuttoned. As for the bottoms, he took them off because his foot caught in them and it hurt him.”

“Please, Lily, maybe mum bought that but I don’t. I see the way you look at each other.”

“And how is that?”

“Like fornicators.” Petunia spat out.

“Tuney, not that it’s any of your business, but Sev and I have not had sex, and I refuse to apologize for kissing my boyfriend.” Petunia gave her a scathing look. “Come on, you must have snogged Vernon a few times.”

“No proper lady kisses a man until her wedding day.”

Lily was shocked, she and Sev might have joked about this but she never would have imagined it to be true. “Are you saying you and Vernon have never…?”

“Certainly not.”

“But what if you don’t like it when he kisses you?”

“Some things just have to be dealt with.”

“And what about…?”

“Yes.”

“What do you plan to do on your wedding night?”

“I’ll allow him to do what he must.”

“Petunia, this isn’t the Victorian age you are allowed to enjoy making love to your husband.”

Petunia looked disgusted by the very idea. “I am certain I will enjoy the children that result from it.”

“Why are you marrying Vernon?”

“He is a good man, with a good future and will be able to provide for me and our children in the style I am accustomed to.”

“Do you love him?”

“That’s immaterial.”

“How can you say that?”

“Because love fades, Lily.”

“It didn’t for mum and dad.”

“And it won’t for you and him?” Petunia nodded towards the second floor. “I suppose the two of you are going to get married and live happily ever after.”

“We’ve only been together a month and a half, that’s a little soon to be talking about marriage don’t you think?”

“Then why are you letting him court you?”

“We’re dating, Petunia, that doesn’t always lead to marriage.”

“Then what’s the point?”

“I – to get to know one another.”

“And you haven’t done that in the past however many years?”

“Eight.”

“What?”

“We’ve known each other eight years.”

“So then.”

Lily was thrown. Until this moment she hadn’t spared a thought for what the future of her and Severus’ relationship might be.

“That man wants to marry you, you mark my words, but there’s still time to save yourself. Forget that world, Lily, forget him, find a nice normal man and marry him.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because this is who I am.”

“No, it’s not. You are an Evans, not a…”

“Witch. Yes, I am and that can’t be changed.”

“But you could choose not to do it.”

“It doesn’t work like that.”

“You could still be with someone else, like Cris.”

“No, Tuney.”

“Why not?”

“Because I love Severus.” The realization rolled over her like a wave. “Oh God, I love Sev.”

“Then there’s no point in my staying here. I’ll ring Marge and ask to spend the rest of the fortnight with her.”

“You’re going to leave us alone?” She asked in wonderment.

“If you’re determined to throw yourself away then nothing I do or say is going to stop it.”

“Petunia, Sev and I…”

Petunia raised a hand. “Spare me your protestations. Now if you could please go I’d like to speak to my friend in private.”

“What about mum?”

“Don’t worry I won’t say anything to her but I won’t defend you either.”

“Fine.” Lily agreed as she stood up. “Tuney, I really do want you to be happy.”

Petunia nodded at her briskly but made no reply.

Lily slowly made her way upstairs. She could see Severus’ door was now closed. She wasn’t sure what she would say but knocked on the door anyway. She could hear the clumping as he crossed the room to the door. This time the door swung right open but the look was guarded.

“What happened?” he whispered.

“I can’t…” Lily shook her head and launched herself into his arms.

“Come on, sit down.” Severus urged gently as he led her to the bed. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want.”

“But you’re dying to know aren’t you?”

“I can’t deny that.”

Gradually Lily gave him an overview of what was said downstairs. The whole time she sat with his hand clasped in hers and her head resting on his shoulder but she couldn’t bring herself to look at him. Instead she judged his reactions by the way his body tensed and relaxed as the story progressed. It took him several minutes to say anything when the tale was done.

“She’s really going?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know what to say.” He sounded as bewildered as she felt.

Lily shrugged. “Me either.”

“What do we do about tonight?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do we ignore her or what?”

“Just try and be nice. Please, for me.”

“Done,” Severus whispered, and gave her a quick peck. “How about I cook dinner?”

“Sounds good.”

That night was a little strange with both Severus and Petunia being carefully polite to one another. Still the house was peaceful and for that Lily was grateful.

It was still very early in the morning when she heard the front door slam. Worried Petunia might have broken her word and rung their mother Lily threw on her dressing gown and rushed downstairs. There was no one in sight. She quickly peeked into the lounge but once again she saw nothing. Shaking her head, she checked the door, only to find it locked and was getting ready to go back upstairs when she saw a piece of yellow stationary on the console. She crossed to the table and picked the paper up.

_Lily,_

_I will be home the day before Mum._

_Petunia._

“Lil?” Lily looked up to see Severus standing at the top of the stairs. “Is something wrong?”

“No.”

“I thought I heard the front door.”

“You did, Petunia’s gone.”

“Oh.” Severus nodded and slowly limped down the stairs. “Guess I’ll go start breakfast.”

Lily smiled as he started walking down the hall. He was almost past her when she reached out and put a hand on his chest. “Sev, I…” for some reason her voice caught in her throat.

Severus reached out and embraced her gently. “I’m sorry this happened, you know that, right?”

Lily laughed softly, looked up at him and let the words roll off her tongue. “I love you, Severus Snape.”

“I know.” He said lightly, pulling away.

Lily gripped him tighter, stopping his forward movement. “No, Sev. I mean I’m – in love with you.”

She could see the surprise flood his face. The next word was a whisper, “Lily.” He swallowed hard before saying, “I love you too.”

All she could do was beam up at him. She felt they must have stood gazing at each other completely bemusedly for hours. Finally she laughed. “We’re acting incredibly silly.”

He gave a deep, joyous laugh. “I guess it’s a good thing Petunia’s gone.”

Lily sighed and laid her head against his chest. “It’s just you and me now.”

“Sounds perfect.”

 


	39. Revelations

Petunia’s departure left Severus feeling as if every dream he had ever had of his and Lily’s future was coming true. Well, almost. There were a few minor flaws. Such as the fact that every night he got into bed alone, something that never happened in his imaginings. Of course, never in his dizziest daydreams had he imagined being in his current situation. And if at times he felt the tiniest bit tempted to break the rule all he had to do was remember all Violet had done for him and his determination live up to her expectations would come rushing back.

His resolution was nothing compared to Lily’s, who still insisted on keeping the door open to any room they were in together. He had pointed out this was utterly ridiculous since they were alone in the house so what was the point really? Lily’s response had been to say they had given Violet their word and keeping the door open was no different from not sharing a bed. He had agreed and ultimately it didn’t really matter since his main reason for wanting to close the door, avoiding Petunia, was now a non-issue. In fact, Severus found his stress level decreasing exponentially now the elder Evans’ daughter was gone.

Severus was pleased by how quickly he and Lily had fallen into a contented domesticity. The first morning he had made them breakfast and then taken Lily to the workshop so she could work off some tension by incinerating jelly babies. Much to his satisfaction, she found it to be as stress relieving as he did. After that the pattern was set. They would meet in the kitchen every morning, where Severus made breakfast and Lily bustled around trying to keep busy. After the washing up had been done they would spend the morning together doing homework or just reading in companionable silence in the lounge. After lunch, which Lily always insisted on preparing, they would separate to have some private time, partially because Severus was a little worried Lily would get sick of having him around all the time.

This is why he was sitting on his bed scratching out potions notes when a knock sounded on the front door three days after the momentous morning of Petunia’s exodus. Severus knew Lily was downstairs watching telly so didn’t bother to pause as he rapidly wrote down ideas on how to improve the headache cure that had been such a disaster. He was so intent on what he was doing he didn’t hear the footsteps come up the stairs nor notice Lily standing in his doorway until she rapped lightly on the wooden frame. Still in the middle of an idea he continued to scribble away until the thought was safely committed to the margins of the book and then looked up.

He was surprised to see Lily looked anxious but it was nothing compared to what he felt when he heard what it was she had to say. “Your mother’s downstairs.”

“My mum’s – here?”

“Yes.”

He hastily capped his ink and wrapped the quill in a scrap of cloth. Grabbing the crutches, he started out of the door and down the hall. He paused when he reached the top of the staircase, intending to let Lily go down before him since it took him so long to navigate the risers. He was surprised when she wasn’t next to him. Looking back over his shoulder, he saw she was still standing exactly where he had left her.

“Aren’t you coming?”

Lily shook her head slowly.

“Why not?”

She didn’t answer, merely stood staring at him. Severus swung around awkwardly only then did she slowly begin to move towards him. “I think that – Maybe it’s better –”

“Lil, I want you to meet my mum.”

“I have met her.”

“Not properly. Please, Lily.”

“Sev.” She was finally standing in front of him. “She came to see you not to meet me. You two should have some time alone.” He opened his mouth to protest. “If you still want me to come down afterward then I would be happy to do so. Agreed?”

“Yes.” He conceded.

Severus went down the stairs extra slowly partially because he hoped Lily would change her mind and come with him. He knew his mother had always been reluctant about the idea of him and Lily being together but he had felt certain once they met and got to know one another that would change quickly. He tried to ignore the feeling of being let down as he entered the lounge.

Eileen was standing in front of one of the bookcases, gazing at the Evans’ rather extensive collection of travel manuals. It took him only seconds to take in the fact that his mother was wearing her cream suit with navy trimming. It was the very ensemble she had been married in and to this day remained the best outfit she owned. Clearly Eileen was expecting to do more than just speak with him since Severus couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen his mother so poshed up.

“Mum?”

“Severus.” She turned and in a glance took in his leg and crutches. “What in Merlin’s name have you done to yourself?”

“I broke my ankle.”

“And how did you manage that?” Eileen asked as she seated herself in one of the wing chairs.

Severus took up a place on the sofa opposite before answering. “I kicked my trunk.”

“A Prince always keeps their temper, Severus.”

He chose not to comment on the irony of her statement.  Instead he preferred to wait and see what exactly had brought his mother to the Evans’ house.

There were several moments of silence before Eileen spoke again. “I wasn’t sure I would still find you here.”

“I had nowhere else to go.”

“The Malfoys wouldn’t take you in?”

“No.”

“What about…?”

“There’s no one Mum.” Severus interjected quickly.

“I suppose I could owl your grandfather and ask…”

“Why bother? We both know what he would say.”

“I hate to see your potential squashed because you can’t practice magic whenever you wish.”

“I could hardly practice in Spinner’s End with father around.”

“You had your room; there was nothing to stop you doing magic in there.” There was another lengthy pause. “Severus, about your father…”

“He’s not letting me come back ever is he?”

“Things are very complicated at the moment. Tobias has been – never mind that’s neither here nor there. I don’t think I’ll be able to talk him into it this summer but maybe by Christmas.”

Severus didn’t hold out much hope his mother would be able to talk his father into anything. “Don’t worry, mum. I’m fine here. Violet, Mrs. Evans, has already said I can stay as long as I need to.”

“Oh, I still have a few tricks up my sleeve where your father is concerned.” Eileen’s voice was brittle as she spoke.

From the tone of her voice, Severus knew things were bad between his parents. Countless memories swarmed up in his mind. Memories of being huddled in corners and behind the faded sofa seeing things he now understood no normal child saw.

Severus looked long and hard at his mother, trying to ascertain if she was hurt in anyway. “Mum are you alright?”

“Of course.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.” Her answer was curt. Just as his had been whenever Lily would ask him what was wrong after a particularly bad night in his parents’ house.

Severus fought to think of something to say to his mother that would make her to let go of the idea of his ever coming back to Spinner’s End, but Eileen cut across his reverie. “What do you do here all day?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Read, watch telly. Sometimes Lily and I play cards or a board game. And we do other normal house stuff like cooking and washing up.”

 “What about your school work?”

“I’m mostly done with that.”

“And your brewing?”

Severus had hoped they were done discussing the fact that he wasn’t living in a magical household but apparently they weren’t. “I haven’t actually gotten to do any, but…”

“No buts. Severus, your potion making skills are your greatest gift, with that talent you can do anything. You could be celebrated, an asset to our already illustrious line, then – There is no limit to your potential, Severus. But if you live here…”

“It’s not as if I sit here and do nothing. I might not get to brew but I do work” She looked at him doubtfully. “Honestly, I was just working on improving a potion upstairs. Living here doesn’t keep me from trying new things.”

“And how do you test your theories exactly?”

“I’ll save up all my ideas and try them when I get back to school.”

Eileen’s chest heaved with the force of the breath she took. “I think maybe I should work harder on your father.”

This time he couldn’t quite repress the memories. He wouldn’t let that happen again because of him. “Mum, no matter how hard you try he’s never going to let me come back. Please don’t put yourself in harm’s way.”

“I have to do something.”

“If you want to do something for me then leave him.”

His name was a whisper when it came out. Severus heaved himself out of the sofa, hobbled to his mother’s side and grabbed her hand. “Please, mum, divorce him.”

“No one in our family has ever…”

“Who cares? They don’t have to live with him, do they?” Eileen said nothing, only stared up into her son’s eyes, and he couldn’t hold back the question another moment. “Why have you stayed all these years?”

“You should sit before you hurt that ankle any more than it already is.” He wanted to protest but Eileen stood up and helped him back to the sofa. Unexpectedly, once there, she sat down next to him. There were several sighs before she answered. “I thought it would be best for you.”

Severus wanted to laugh at the idiocy of his mother’s statement, but managed to contain any outward show of emotion as she continued, “I know things haven’t always been easy but I wasn’t trained to be anything other than a housewife.”

“You went to school.”

“I was never anywhere near as dedicated as you. Truth be told, the gobstones club was more important to me than any lessons were. I was so certain I would meet a nice pure-blood man and spend the rest of my life raising our children, throwing parties and extravagant dinners, like my mother. To me school was just a thing I had to get through, a nuisance really.

“I didn’t plan to be married to anyone like your father. When I saw him that night at the pub I was – swept away I suppose. He was a very handsome, charismatic man then. After that everything happened so quickly. And things weren’t so bad in the beginning, when his mother was still alive. Do you remember Elizabeth Snape?”

“Yes.”

“After she passed, it all went from bad to worse. She kept him in check in a way I couldn’t. Maybe if – but – I had no money, none at all. So what could I do, Severus? Leaving you alone with Tobias wasn’t an option. If I took you how would we live? I had no skills, no way to earn a living for us. At least this way you didn’t have to live on the street or go to an orphanage. Believe me, if I had thought he would throw you out or harm…”

“He beats me, mum. At least do me the courtesy of calling it by its proper name. And I would have rather lived on the street then have him do that or watch him hit you or see you have to…”

Eileen swiftly pressed a finger to his lips. “Shh. I told you, you are never to talk about that.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that it happens.”

“Do you know what he would have done to you if I hadn’t done it?”

“Yes, and that’s why you need to leave. Leave mum and I’ll quit school. I’ll get a job and support us both.”

“No.” He opened his mouth, prepared to stand his ground but Eileen cut him off. “You only have one year left. We’ll discuss it at that point.”

He knew it was pointless to try and debate the idea with her anymore. With a nod he acquiesced and was glad he had because his mother’s next words were highly unexpected and would have certainly driven any arguments right out of his brain any way.

“I think it is high time I meet your friend’s mother.”

“You can’t.” He stammered quickly.

“Why not?”

“She’s not here.”

“When do you expect her back?”

“She’s on holiday, in Tuscany.”

“So you and Lily are here alone?”

“Her sister Petunia was here up until a few days ago and we expect Cris back any day.”

“And who is Cris?”

“Crispin Hall, I thought I told you about him and his sister, Margaret.”

“Are they Edmund Hall’s children?”

“Yes.”

“No wonder your father got a promotion.”

He knew where this was going and quickly cut her off. “I highly doubt Cris had anything to do with father’s rise. He’s still at university. Mr. Hall isn’t even that involved with the day to day operations of the factory.”

“Still, if Tobias knew…”

“If father knew he would – try to impose on them. They wouldn’t look favourably on that. It might even hurt him in the long run.”

“Yes, that’s very shrewd of you…When did you say you expected him?”

The truth was, no one had heard from Cris since he had phoned last week to say Honoria had rung and said she wanted to see him. So, when his friend would turn up was a mystery to Severus, but he didn’t think his mother needed to know that. Especially since he wasn’t keen on having his present happiness tarnished in any way.

“Soon.” He could see her processing the information and prayed she would ask no more questions. Somehow Eileen always seemed to be able to tell when he was lying. In an effort to distract her, he asked, “would you like to meet Lily?”

“Another day, when I have the time to get to know her properly.” She promised her son as she rose from her spot beside him.

“Can’t you stay a little longer?”

“I need to be home by the time your father gets back and I still have to go to the market so…”

Promptly he grabbed the crutches and hefted himself up from the sofa. “You’ll come back won’t you?”

“I’ll try but I can’t promise anything.” She stated as she made her way out of the lounge.

Severus followed after her slowly but surely. Once she was at the front door his mother turned and eyed him critically.

“Why didn’t you magically heal your ankle instead of wasting time and energy on going to a muggle doctor?”

“I couldn’t remember the spell.”

“If you had rung me, I would have come or at least told you the spell.”

“I wasn’t certain the phone was on, and I didn’t want to take the chance he would answer.”

Eileen nodded in understanding. “Do you have your wand?”

“Just a minute.” Severus said as he turned clumsily and made his way back to the kitchen. He was thankful he had taken his wand in there that morning to clean it. He snatched the long ebony wand up and speedily made his way back to the hall.

He held out the polished wood to his mother who took it in her hand. He noticed the way she shifted it in her fingers as if to reacquaint herself to the feeling. Then pointing the tip at the cast she whispered “Resarcio ankle.”

Even as she handed him back the slender rod he could feel the bones knitting back together. “Thank you.”

“Of course, next time, just ring me, now I really do have to be going.”

“Good bye, Mum.”

Eileen glanced quickly around the foyer. “I think I’ll write your grandfather after all. We lose nothing by trying. Good bye, Severus.” With that she walked out the door, closing it firmly behind her.

How long he stood there staring at the closed door he didn’t know. It was only when he heard movement behind him on the stairs that he pulled himself out of his thoughts. “You can come down, she’s left.”

“Oh, I’m sorry …”

“Don’t bother,” Severus snapped.

He didn’t need to look at Lily’s face as he passed her to know his tone of voice had hurt her. He wasn’t in the mood to apologize much less get a lecture on his poor behaviour and so he limped down the hall and through the kitchen door as quickly as he was capable. He thought he heard Lily following him but didn’t look back. Instead he rushed through the kitchen intent on getting to the workshop and getting the infernal cast off his leg.

He was rummaging amidst the various tools that were still left there, looking for something that would remove the plaster and not destroy it when Lily came in. At first she said nothing. Not that it mattered, he could feel the anger coming off of her in waves. Still he didn’t turn. Finally she snapped, “what in the hell is wrong with you?”

Severus knew the whole situation could deteriorate rapidly so he closed his eyes and took a long breath in through his nose before answering. Just as he opened his mouth to respond Lily bit off, “well?”

He pivoted swiftly. “Would it have killed you to come and meet my mother? She got all dressed up you know. Walked here in shoes older than I am and too small to boot just to see where I stay, meet the people I live with –

“She’s a very introverted person and it’s not easy for her to get to know new people, but she was willing to try. She made the effort to come all this way, put aside her timidity and my best friend, my girlfriend wouldn’t even contemplate meeting her.”

“Sev.” Lily’s voice was soft and full of emotion. “I – I didn’t know it meant so much to you. I assumed the two of you would like some time alone to talk about – what was going on at your house. Since you’re such a private family I thought my presence would make her uncomfortable.”

“Um-hmm.” He muttered sceptically.

“I was coming down to meet her, I promise. I honestly hadn’t thought she would leave so soon.”

“She has to be home before my father.”

“Sev, I promise the next time she comes to visit I will sit in the lounge the whole time – I’m sorry if I offended your mother in any way. If you want I’ll phone her and tell her so or…”

“You don’t have to do that, Lil.” Severus turned, a saw in his hand. It saddened him to see the green eyes looking so troubled. He dropped down on the stool behind him, gingerly setting the saw back on the workbench.

“Come here,” he requested, holding out a hand to her. Lily took it and he pulled her close to him. “I think I owe you a bit of an apology myself. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just hoped –you and my mum would like each other and when you wouldn’t come down it upset me. I should have realized you didn’t mean it in the way I took it. I guess I overreacted.”

Lily smiled and leaned her forehead against his. “Just a bit – I’m certain your mum and I will get on famously as soon as we’ve gotten the chance to spend a little time together. After all we both love you and that’s more than most people have in common when they first meet – Maybe – maybe we could have her to tea one day, after mum gets home.”

Severus was sincerely moved by Lily’s offer. “We could certainly invite her but it’s unlikely she’ll be able to come. It’s not always easy for her to get away from the house.”

“Don’t worry; I won’t be offended if she can’t make it.” Lily let out a deep breath and then pulled back to look deep into his eyes. “So, do you want to tell me what she said or would you rather keep it to yourself for now?”

“There’s not much to tell really. My father is holding to his position and my mother’s still trying to persuade him into letting me come back.”

“Do you think she’ll be able to talk him into it eventually?”

“It’s highly unlikely.”

“Hmm…Did you tell her mum said you could stay here as long as you want? That we made you up a room and…”

“Yes.” Severus turned and reached for the saw once again.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re not telling me something?”

“If I tell you this, you have to promise not to get upset.”

Lily’s eyes were wary but she nodded her head anyway.

“She would still prefer it if I were living in a magical house.”

Severus thought he heard the slightest hint of irritation in Lily’s voice when she asked. “Why?”

“Because I can’t practice magic here and she believes strongly that constant practice and study makes you a more gifted witch or wizard.”

“So, she wants you to go live with one of your housemates?”

There was no mistaking the anger in Lily’s voice this time. Severus chose to ignore it. “Actually, she wants to write my grandfather and see if he’ll take me in.”

“Is that what you want?” Lily was clearly as stunned by the idea as he was.

Severus couldn’t help but laugh. “Please. There’s less than no chance my grandfather is going to let me live with him.”

“What is he like?” Lily questioned as she sat down on the stool next to him. “And what are you doing?”

“Taking this stupid cast off. I don’t know much about the man, frankly.”

“Severus, leave that cast alone!”

“It’s fine. My mum healed my ankle. I told you, she has a knack with healing spells.” Lily looked doubtful. “It’s as good as new, promise.”

She continued to look critical as he began to cut at the plaster. “Here, give that before you saw your leg clean off your body.”

“I’m not wearing this awful, smelly thing for one second longer than I have to.” He declared not ceasing to saw for a moment.

“I wasn’t suggesting you should – Sev, just give me the saw.” Lily demanded as she stood. “And put your foot up on the stool.”

Gratefully he passed her the tool and hefted his leg up on her newly vacated seat. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.” Lily muttered under her breath. Bracing her hand against his leg she began to move the blade deliberately down the surface.

“Careful not to cut any of the signatures,” he urged.

“It that why we’re cutting this off instead of just vanishing it?”

“Yes.”

Lily chuckled and shook her head, mumbling something under her breath.

“I didn’t hear you.”

“You were telling me about your grandfather.”

“Like I said, I hardly know anything about him,” he said with a shrug.

“Don’t move, please – Tell me what you do know. Like what’s his name?”

“Severus.”

“Really? So you’re called after your grandfather.”

“Yes.”

“And where does he live?”

“Near Bedwas in Wales.”

Lily paused in her cutting and looked at him for a long moment. “I never pictured you as Welsh.”

“My mother’s family was actually French way back.”

She bobbed her head and went back to the task at hand. “Go on.”

“Guillaume came over with William the…”

“Sev, you already told me all that and I don’t want to hear about your family’s history since the dawn of time. I was actually interested in hearing about the first Severus.”

“I’d have to go even further back than William the Conqueror for that. Family lore has it that the first Severus was the brother of a Roman…”

“Sev, stop.” Lily laughed. “I was asking to hear about your grandfather and you know it.”

“I don’t know what else there is to say. He’s an only child. A Slytherin in school, we’ve all been in Slytherin. He was a prefect of course and later head boy. What else? He and my grandmother, Eurydice Yaxley, were married when he was already in his mid-thirties and they waited thirteen years to have my mother.”

“Why so long?”

“I believe it was because my grandmother was on the frail side. A professional invalid is what I was told. Maybe that’s why my mum and grandfather were so close until…”

“Your mother married your father.”

“Yes. Apparently my grandfather felt mum was throwing her life away by marrying Tobias.”

“Because he was a muggle.”

“In part. I also think he objected because my parents were so different. My mum wasn’t raised like me, Lily. She had money, loads of it and anything she wanted she got. It didn’t matter what it was or how much it cost, all she had to do was mention in passing that she wanted something and my grandfather would get it for her. I suppose – the truth is my mother was spoiled. I guess because of that she thought there was nothing she couldn’t get away with.”

“Including marrying a muggle.”

Severus nodded. “Unfortunately for her, my grandfather wasn’t as forgiving of that as she had anticipated and he hasn’t spoken to her from that day to this.”

“Then why does she think he would be willing to let you go live with him?”

“I don’t know, I guess because I’m his grandson. Because I’m the last of the Princes and if he disinherits me the line will end.”

“No, it only ends if you don’t have children.”

“Technically, but the estate, all the Prince heirlooms will be owned by people other than the family.”

“Then why not accept your mother back?”

“I can’t answer that. I do know she’s never stopped trying to gain his forgiveness.”

“I don’t understand, how can she still want his forgiveness when he’s been so wretched to her?” Lily asked as she put down the saw and began digging through the tools littering the table top.

“Because he’s her father and she loves him – What are you looking for?”

“Scissors of some sort, I think I’ve gone as far as I dare with the saw…How can your mother still love her father so much when he turned his back on her, on you?”

“Would you stop loving your parents if they disapproved of your actions?”

“No, but I would be very upset if they stopped speaking to me because they didn’t happen to like my husband or didn’t even recognize the existence of my only child.”

“He acknowledges my existence and she is hurt by it. Maybe that’s why…”

“Why?” Lily prompted.

“Well, given the state of things between my parents today you have to admit my grandparents were right. My mother did throw her life away by marrying my father. So, maybe that’s why it was so important to her that I see myself as more of a Prince than a Snape.”

Lily plucked a pair of wire cutters out of the clutter, twisting them in her hand. Her mouth opened and then shut rapidly. Shaking her head she bent back over his leg.

“Go on, say whatever you want,” Severus prompted her.

“No, you’ll just get upset.”

“I promise I will do my utmost to keep my temper in check and not fly off the handle.”

“Well – it seems to me – what she really wanted – was to turn you into a junior version of your grandfather.”

“Okay.”

“And given what you’ve just said, he appears to be an extremely narrow minded and judgemental person.” Lily had her eyes fixed on the area she was carefully separating, clearly unwilling to look at him while she said her piece.

Severus knew he should be upset by her slight on his family but somehow he wasn’t. He only wanted to try and explain how his mother thought so she and Lily would get along, unlike his father and grandfather. “Lily, my mum – she taught me what she knew. Look, the fact is, my mother is a pure-blood and pure-bloods tend to stick together.”

“That’s not true. Look at Frank and Alice and Ametus and…”

“Okay, point taken. I suppose it would be more accurate to say that in my mother’s experience pure-bloods stick together. She has always felt that like attracts like and she does have a point there.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes – Lily how many muggle friends do you have these days?”

“Only May and Cris.”

“Exactly and before this year how many friends did I have outside of Slytherin? – One. And how many of those people were muggleborns?” He paused for effect. “You.”

“That’s because your ex-friends think muggleborns are trash.”

“No, it’s because most people are friends with the people it is easiest to be friends with. We choose people who think like us, who share our same values and moralities. People with similar goals, because that’s what’s simple and takes the least amount of –” Severus stopped and gave a little hiss of pain.

Lily’s head jerked up. “Did I cut you?”

“Just a little nick I think.”

“Now what were you saying about simplicity?”

“It’s like when you asked why I was friends with Avery and Mulciber and I told you it was because they were friends with me. Part of that was because they were the people who took me the least out of my comfort zone.”

“So your point is?” asked Lily trying to wedge the two halves of the now cut cast apart.

“It was the same for my mother. Even more so probably because she wasn’t exposed to the muggle world the way I was.”

“And therefore she didn’t know any better.”

“Not exactly what I was going to say.”

“It’s the truth.” He saw Lily swallow hard and then her eyes rose to meet his. “Sev, if your mother doesn’t like muggleborns what is she going to say when you tell her that her only son is dating one?”

“Here you take that side and I’ll take this one and we’ll each pull.” He instructed as he grabbed the left side of the cast. “I’m optimistic when she gets to know you she’ll see the same thing I do.”

“And that is?” Lily asked with a grunt as she tugged on the right side of the cast.

“An amazingly intelligent, talented, beautiful witch her son is very lucky to be with.”

Lily stopped pulling and beamed at him. “That might be one of the sweetest things you have ever said to me.”

“I mean it. And if we’re very fortunate she’ll learn she was wrong about muggleborns, just like her son did.”

The smile on Lily’s face became broader and he found he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her. Lily whispered softly, “let’s get this thing off of you.”

Severus nodded slowly before gripping the edge of the cast in his hand again. There were several more minutes of heaving before he finally let go “This isn’t working is it?”

“Definitely not. So what now?” Lily asked pushing his foot off the stool and collapsing down on it.

“I think we’re going to have to cut it in half.”

“Oh joy.”

“I can do it if you don’t want to.”

“As much as I would be entertained by the sight of you trying to cut up the back of your leg, I think it could only end badly.”

“So what is your suggestion?”

“Go lay on the sofa and I’ll finish cutting the wretched thing off of you.”

“Fine.” He conceded as he stood and began walking back to the house.

The cast felt even more uncomfortable now it was slit up the front and that was before he factored in the fact it was pinching his skin with each step he took. By the time Severus reached the sofa he was certain there would be neither hair nor skin left on the area beneath the cut. He gratefully threw himself down on the burgundy surface and waited for Lily to begin her work.

It felt to Severus that it took hours for her to accomplish the task. His impatience was not helped by the fact that Lily took to muttering things he couldn’t quite make out under her breath. Though at one point he did hear her threaten to ring Lionel. At long last the two sides fell away and he felt marvellously free.

He was about to jump up and run for his first decent bath in an age when he heard Lily wince and press her hand to his calf. “I’m so sorry.”

It was only then Severus felt a sting and knew she had cut him. Twisting, he looked down at the small stream of blood issuing from the back of his leg. “It’s fine. I was going to go upstairs and wash anyway.

“I’ll get you a bandage and some ointment.”

Severus laughed lightly and gave Lily a quick peck. “Don’t worry. This one I can handle with no problem. Why don’t you take something out for supper. I’ll cook it when I get downstairs.”

“I think I can manage to get supper just this once.” Severus was prepared to start protesting but Lily gave him a playful push and said, “go take a bath, Sev, your leg stinks.”

He gave her a sarcastic roll of the eyes and bounded up the stairs, just to prove he could. After a quick visit to his room, where he grabbed a change of clothes and healed the cut on his calf, he raced to the bath. He didn’t want to take too long because Merlin only knew what Lily would do to supper if he did. Still the water beating down on him felt so good he couldn’t help but linger for a little while.

Happily he couldn’t smell a single thing as he made his way down the stairs, wet hair lying limply on his shoulders; it really was time for a cut. Entering the kitchen, he found the reason he hadn’t smelled cooking food was because there wasn’t any. In fact, it appeared Lily hadn’t even taken anything out. Sighing, Severus crossed to the freezer and opened it, debating what would take the least amount of time to defrost. He was reaching for an unidentified casserole when Lily came in the back door.

“I ordered us a take away.”

“Why?”

“Because I thought you should have a night off. Now all you have to do is lie on the sofa and snuggle with me.” Smiling she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Severus’ arms snaked around her waist. “That sounds good.”

“Hmm, I thought you would like that idea. And if you’re especially nice I’ll even let you pick the program.” She grinned up at him mischievously.

“Especially nice? I think that’s something I can do.”

“We’ll see.” Lily said with a laugh as she glided away.

Severus gave his own small chuckle and hastened after her.

The sun was streaming in the window the next morning when Severus awoke with a start. Glancing at the clock, he saw it was a little past six and wondered why he had woken up so early. A strident knock sounded on the front door and Lily stirred against his chest. He moved her aside as gently as possible, hoping to avoid waking her, and then rolled off the sofa.

Another knock, this one decidedly urgent, echoed through the house. “I’m coming. I’m coming.” Severus muttered, rubbing his sore neck.

The knocking was becoming more insistent by the second. “This had better be…” The words died on his lips as he wrenched open the door.

Standing in front of him, hand raised to knock again, was Crispin. Severus had never seen his friend in such a state. The elder man had clearly not shaved for several days and his clothes had a decidedly rumpled, slept in look to them. His face looked haggard and there were dark rings under his eyes. Severus’ heart sank.

He stepped to the side and held the door wide open. “Come in.”

Crispin entered the foyer, his eyes darting towards the room Severus had just left. Lily was clearly visible on the sofa, her shirt bunched up just under her breasts. Crispin turned and cast a critical eye over the man standing before him in jeans and vest. Hoping to avoid a scene similar to the one between Lily and Petunia, Severus blurted out, “we fell asleep watching telly.”

Crispin nodded his head smartly. His lack of response was starting to worry Severus as was the dazed look in the blue eyes. “Cris, why don’t you go up to my room. I’ll be up in a minute.”

Without a word the blond mounted the steps, soon disappearing from view. Severus rushed into the lounge and threw a blanket over Lily and gave her a swift kiss on the forehead. He then shut off the telly and headed for the kitchen. It didn’t take a genius to figure out things had gone very badly with Cris and Honoria. He snatched up his wand from the table, thankful for whatever piece of luck had caused him to leave it in the kitchen once more. As quickly as possible, he grabbed two mugs from the cupboard and filled them with steaming hot coffee. For a moment he considered bringing up sugar and cream but from the smell emanating off of Cris he would be better with black.

When Severus entered his bedroom it was to find Cris pacing in circles around the bed. “Here, I brought you some coffee.”

“Thanks.” The voice was harsh, almost as if the owner had been sobbing not long before.

Severus eyed his friend gravely, looking for any tell-tale tear stains. Unable to find any he leaned against the wall and waited, blowing on the coffee.

It was several minutes before Crispin said anything. “Should I even bother to ask what happened to your cast?”

Startled by the question Severus glanced down. “What? Oh – yes – my mum was here yesterday and she healed my ankle so Lil and I cut the cast off.”

“Huh. And you’re sure it’s healed?”

“Yes. Cris…” Severus didn’t have the least idea what to say, he had never been good in situations like this. His mind raced through a thousand different options, rejecting each one in turn. Maybe he should go get Lily. His hand was reaching for the door when his mind flashed back to finding Lily after Daniel’s death. He supposed it was the same thing really and so he took a deep breath in and turned back to face his friend. “What happened?”

Cris turned slowly; there was no missing the anguish on his face. “I saw Honoria.”

“And?”

“She’s pregnant.”

Severus sank down on the bed. “Oh, shit.”

 


	40. Truths

To say Severus was shocked by Crispin’s news would have been putting it lightly. Of all the things he had expected to hear the fact that Honoria was pregnant didn’t even make the list. Despite his shock, he could see Crispin looked even more upset now than he had before Severus had spoken.

Instantly the younger man sought to rectify the mistake he was sure he had made. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just – I wasn’t expecting to hear, well, what you said.”

Crispin gave a cynical laugh and sat down on the bed. “I can certainly understand that. I wasn’t particularly expecting it either.”

“And she’s absolutely certain? Because I hear muggle tests can be highly inaccurate.”

“She went to a doctor.”

“Oh…How far gone is she?”

“About six weeks.”

It was on the tip of Severus’ tongue to ask Cris if he was sure the baby was his. Thankfully he stopped himself in time, clearly he’d been listening to Lily’s doubts about Honoria’s character for a little too long. Instead he asked, “What are you going to do?”

“We’re getting married.”

“Cris, I don’t think you have to do that anymore, this is 1977 not 1877.”

Anger flashed in the azure eyes “So you would have me walk out on my child?”

“No. I was only pointing out there are other options. Getting married is a big step and I think you should think it through carefully and not get married just because the two of you are having a baby.”

“We’re not.”

“Cris, last week you thought she had left you. You stood downstairs not even a fortnight ago and told me you were going to try and get over her and now…”

“And now things have changed.”

Severus sat silently on the bed. He hated that his friend was angry with him “Cris…”

“Look, this is not a decision we made hastily. Honoria and I spent days going round and round in circles about this.”

“I’m sure you did, but…”

Crispin cut him off before he could continue. “Tell me Severus, if this were happening to you and Lily what would you want to do?”

Severus exhaled deeply. “I would want to get married and be a family,” he admitted.

“And that’s what I want. So why are you giving me so much grief for something you would do yourself?”

The truth was Severus thought their situations were entirely different. For one thing, he had been in love with Lily since they were nine. For another he was certain they would never be unfaithful to one another or have any of the other problems that seemed to plague Crispin’s relationship. But Cris looked to be bordering on furious and Severus decided he’d rather lie than potentially loose his friend. “I’m not trying to give you grief. It’s only – Frankly, I didn’t think you wanted to get married right now. You never said anything about it so I assumed you were doing it now because you felt you had to.”

“I do love Honoria and in the back of my mind I always thought we would get married one day. This is just a little sooner than I had planned – I won’t walk away from my responsibilities like some sort of…” Crispin was clearly searching for the word he wanted.

“Libertine.” Severus supplied.

“Trust you to use a word like that. I was counting on you to stick by me on this.”

“I will. I’m – You know, if this were happening to me you would be saying all the same things. In fact, I’m fairly certain you would be even harder on me than I’m being on you.”

For the first time a smile lit up Cris’ feature. “True.” He chuckled and then the grin faded. “Sev, you and Lily are careful aren’t you?”

It took Severus a heartbeat to figure out what Cris was asking him and another half of one before he felt the blush start to creep up his body. “Cris, Lily and I – we’re not – we haven’t.”

“No?” Crispin’s eyes searched the face opposite him.

“Not even close.”

His head nodded briskly. “Fine, but promise me when you do have sex you’ll use a condom every single time.”

Severus didn’t think had ever been this mortified, and obviously his vocal cords had ceased to function because the sound that came out of his mouth didn’t even remotely resemble a word.

“I mean it, Sev.”

All he could do was nod. Try as he might, he was unable to speak enough to tell Cris wizards had more reliable forms of birth control than condoms.

“Good, because even though I love Honoria and am happy we’re getting married I think it’s probably better to get married first and then have a baby.”

There were several long minutes of silence before Severus composed himself enough to ask. “Have you told your parents yet?”

“Mr. and Mrs. Archer phone them after Honoria and I told them.”

“And how did they take it?”

“Her parents or mine?”

“Both, I guess.”

“I thought her father was going to punch me. Mrs. Archer seemed to take it fairly well though.”

“And your parents?”

Crispin scoffed. “Victoria started making wedding plans with Honoria’s mother and Edmund’s only response was to grumble about the expense when Victoria offered to pay for the whole thing.”

“Why are your parents paying? Aren’t her parents meant to cover the costs?”

“Apparently last minute weddings are expensive. I would just as soon have something small with only a few people but Honoria has always dreamed of a big wedding and I couldn’t bring myself to say no.”

“When’s the wedding going to be?”

“The 23rd of July – You will stand up with me won’t you?”

For what felt like the millionth time this morning Severus’ eyes widened in shock. “I’d be honoured to.”

“Great.” There was a long pause before Cris whispered, “What do you think mum’s going to say?”

Severus searched for something to say that wasn’t “Nothing good,” but before he could think of a better response there was a knock on his door.

“Sev, are you doing breakfast this morning?”

“Yes, just give us a few more minutes.”

“Who’s us?” Lily questioned through the door.

“Cris and I.”

“Is everything alright?”

Tired of yelling through the door Severus got up and opened it a crack, saying softly. “I can’t talk about it right this moment. I promise I’ll be down soon though. Okay?”

“Okay.” Lily looked curious but gave him a quick kiss and hurried away.

Severus shut the door and turned back around. Crispin was staring at the wall, clearly lost in his own thoughts. Suddenly Severus was seized by the strong desire to tell the other man not to marry Honoria because it would only end in misery. “Cris –”

Crispin’s eyes slid away from the point on the wall and smiled weakly at his friend. “Yes?”

The resolve melted away from Severus like snow on a warm day. “I’m sure everything will work out. Violet might be upset in the beginning, especially if you’re not going to finish university, but she loves you so she’ll support you no matter what.”

“God, I hadn’t even thought about university.”

“Do you want to finish?”

“Of course, I’m in my last year. It would be stupid not to.”

“Then you’ll work it out.”

“Yes – yes, I’m sure you’re right. Well, I should get going,” Cris said as he stood up.

“Stay and have breakfast with us.” Crispin looked a little doubtful, Severus merely laughed and said “You don’t have to worry, I do all the cooking.” He swung open the door and started down the hall.

“I bet Petunia loves that.”

“She’s not here.”

“I’m sorry?”

“She left four days ago.”

Crispin reached out and grabbed hold of his arm, stopping Severus just as he was reached the top of the staircase. “Okay, I think that requires an explanation.”

Severus sighed and quickly related what had happened between the two Evans’ sisters to his companion. Crispin looked bewildered during the entire course of the story. When Severus had finally recounted everything he had heard and all Lily had relayed to him the other man made no response. He walked slowly down the stairs clearly deep in thought. It wasn’t until they reached the foot of them he said anything. “So, just to make certain I’ve got this right, you’re saying Petunia thought you and Lily were having sex, so she left?”

“That’s the impression I got, yes.”

“Even though she doesn’t approve of premarital sex?”

“Apparently.”

“And this makes sense how?”

“Your guess has to be as good as mine.”

“And she wanted Lily to marry me?”

“So it would seem.”

“I thought she…”

“Me too. Listen, Lily doesn’t know I overheard the fight so if you could not mention –”

“Already forgotten.”

“Thanks mate.”

The two walked down the hall and towards the kitchen.

“I can’t believe she hasn’t even kissed him.” Crispin wondered as they pushed through the swinging door.

“Sev!” Lily reproached from across the room. “You aren’t meant to tell everyone about that.”

“I didn’t tell everyone, just Cris.” Severus smiled as he crossed to her. He swiftly lowered his head and on the pretence of kissing her whispered, “Don’t say anything about Honoria.”

A quick glance at her eyes assured him they understood one another perfectly. As Lily broke away to give Crispin a hug and kiss Severus flung open the refrigerator. “So what do we all want this morning, eggs, bacon, kippers? You name it, I’ll make it.”

Lily whispered a reply to the man at her side, he in turn smiled slyly. “I think we’ll have some crepes.”

“And what would you like in your crepes?”

“Sev, you can’t make crepes!” Lily protested.

“Why are we out of flour?”

“You really know how to make crepes?” Crispin sounded impressed.

“Yes.”

“Should have known.” And the blond head shook disbelievingly

“Sev, is there anything you can’t do?”

“Several things as a matter of fact.”

“Such as?”

“Hmmm, not putting my foot in it when under duress.”

Lily laughed and threw a towel at him, which he caught and tucked into the waistband of his trousers before making a monstrous stack of the thin pancakes.

Looking back, Lily was always grateful for that morning. She, Sev and Cris sat in the kitchen and ate until they all declared they would be ill if they consumed even one more bite. Afterward the threesome had moved to the lounge and played board games until nightfall, at which point Crispin had declared he absolutely had to get back home. Severus had tried to tempt him into staying for a rematch of Scrabble but Cris had refused.

It was somewhere during the course of that day she had become aware of the fact that something had changed between the two males. What it was Lily couldn’t put her finger on. She only knew Severus seemed uneasy, as if he were forcing himself not to say something he desperately wanted to. Crispin, on the other hand, kept eyeing his confidant speculatively. It was clear to her the two had been talking about something very important upstairs, a suspicion that was confirmed by their total lack of concentration on the game, causing Severus to lose at Scrabble for the first time in memory.

As promised, she had not said a single word about Honoria the entire day, confident Severus would tell her what had happened at some point. In that assumption she had been sadly mistaken. It was two days before her mother was due home and Severus had still not said a single word about what he and Crispin had talked about in that early morning discussion. She noticed he was looking increasingly tense and had caught him whispering on the phone twice; both times he had promptly slammed the receiver down when she entered the room. Then, yesterday, Crispin had picked her boyfriend up and the two had disappeared for most of the day.

She had tried very hard to avoid asking Severus any questions that would put him in the awkward position of either having to break Crispin’s confidence or lie to her, but she was finding it increasingly difficult. How much longer she could avoid the temptation she couldn’t say, because the strain was starting to tell on her. Just this morning, she had been so distracted she had singed one of Severus’ shirts while ironing it. He had, of course, been gracious, chuckling and saying it appeared he’d have to do the ironing as well as the cooking in future.

The demand for information had almost escaped her lips then, but by some super human effort she had held back. It was taking an equally strong amount of will power not to throw down her crossword and find him. With a sigh, she stirred on the couch, tapping her pencil against the paper and debating her course of action again. Then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Severus slide down the hall, on his way to the kitchen and the telephone no doubt. Lily silently cursed whatever instinct had caused her mother to have phones installed in every other room since her father’s death.

She tossed the paper onto the table in front of her, grateful the doorbell rang at that moment. She slid off the sofa and raced for the door, happy for any sort of distraction that came her way. The happiness melted away the second she opened the door. Standing in front of her, eyes full of tears, was Sabrina.

Lily reached out a hand and pulled the girl in to the house. “Brina, what’s wrong?”

“Did you know?” The girl asked turning to face her friend.

“Know what?”

“Did you know?!”

At the sound of the yell the door at the end of the hallway swung open, revealing Severus. His eyes scanned the scene and he promptly tried to shut the door, but Sabrina had clearly heard the squeaking of the hinges because she promptly pivoted and marched to the figure standing in the doorway. “What about you, did you know?”

If Lily was perplexed about what Sabrina was talking about it was evident to her Severus did not suffer from the same confusion. “I – umm.” Relief flooded his face as the phone rang. “I have to get that.”

The dark haired girl stood staring at the still swinging door for several seconds after the boy had disappeared. Then abruptly she turned back around, facing Lily. “You both knew didn’t you?”

“Brina, I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Remus!”

“What about him?”

Sabrina glanced around the house, taking in each of the rooms in turn. “Where’s your sister?”

“In the south, with her future sister-in-law.” Lily said hesitantly, she had a feeling she now knew where this was going. “Brina why don’t you come in here and sit?”

Sabrina followed Lily into the lounge but didn’t sit, instead she circled the room restlessly. “How could you not have told me Rem is a werewolf?”

“I – he wanted to tell you himself.”

“And just when was he going to do that, our wedding night?”

“He’s told you now hasn’t he?”

“No! Peter told me. Just blurted it out like it was nothing!”

Lily’s heart sank at Sabrina’s words. This was what Remus had been afraid of and now, shockingly, it appeared his fears had been justified.

“Not a single one of my so called friends saw fit to tell me the truth.”

“Brina, not that many people know.”

“You did and apparently Severus did.”

“Sev found out in a roundabout way. Sabrina what did you say to Rem when Peter told you?”

“Nothing. I didn’t know what to say.” All of a sudden all the fight seemed to go out of Sabrina and she sank into one of the wing chairs. “I asked him and he…” The girl broke off and buried her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking with sobs.

Lily crossed to sit in the other chair, taking one of the tanned hands in hers. “Brina, you have to…”

“How could he lie to me? And he did, Lil, he looked me dead in the eye and lied, said it was nothing.”

“Brina, did you ever consider he was worried about how you would react?”

Confused eyes met Lily’s. “What was there to be worried about?”

“He was terrified you would run screaming out the door when you found out. That was why he was so hesitant about dating you.”

“How could he have believed that about me? Does he not know me at all?”

“You can hardly blame him, given how most people react to his kind.”

“But I’m not most people, am I? And Rem’s not like – anyone else in the world.”

“I think you should go tell him that because he has to be a wreck right about now.”

“How can I go see him?”

“So you _do_ care he’s a werewolf?”

“No, of course not. I care that he lied to me. How can I possibly date someone who doesn’t trust me enough to share his secrets with me?”

Lily’s heart stopped. “Are you going to break up with Rem?”

“I – I wish I knew.” Sabrina starred off into the distance, mind lost in thoughts of her own.

It was during this rather awkward moment the doorbell rang again. Lily was doubtful about leaving Sabrina in the state she was in. Luckily, she saw Severus hurrying down the hall to the front door. She heaved a relieved sigh that died almost as soon as it had escaped her lips when she heard Severus’ voice say. “Hello, Remus – How can we…”

“I need to talk to Lily.”

“Listen Remus...” Lily could hear the voices moving towards the lounge and could only hope Severus would be able to stop their classmate before he entered the room. It was a dream that ended only seconds later.

“Lil…” The sound petered out as Remus took in his girlfriend. “Brina – what are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same question.”

“I – James told me Peter had accidentally told you about my – condition. I went to your house to talk to you but you weren’t there so I came here.”

“Because it’s easier to talk to Lily than your own girlfriend?” Sabrina was clearly furious and Remus seemed to be becoming more depressed by the moment.

“No. I came because I hoped Lily – she would be able to help me find you so we could talk.”

“Why? So you can lie to me some more?”

“I never…”

“You did!”

Lily had begun to deliberately edge towards the entrance of the room but was stopped abruptly by Sabrina biting out. “No! Don’t go. Apparently he’s more willing to talk to the two of you than to me.”

“Brina, Cariad, that’s not true.”

“Then why did you tell them you’re a werewolf and not me?” She demanded angrily.

“To be fair Sabrina, Remus never actually told me about his – issue,” Severus corrected hastily.

“Yet somehow you know.”

“Well, Black told me in a roundabout way.”

“And you?” Sabrina gazed at Lily critically.

“Rem – he told me – but…”

“So you’ll tell Lily but not me.” The anger had left Sabrina’s voice to be replaced by overwhelming sadness. She slowly sank back into her chair.

“It wasn’t like that.” Remus crossed to the chair and knelt in front of it. Lily was reminded of the scene only months earlier in the girl’s loo at school. “I wanted to tell you – I swear. But I was – I thought you mightn’t think of me in the same way if you knew. I couldn’t stand the idea you might hate me.”

A single tear slid down Sabrina’s cheek. “I could never hate you.”

“So then…”

“That doesn’t negate the fact that you lied to me. I asked you Rem, point blank asked you what was wrong and you looked me in the eye and lied.”

“I know.”

“How am I supposed to forgive you for that?”

“All I can say is, I’m sorry, horribly, desperately sorry. I should have told you the truth years ago, but I was so scared – so I took the chicken shit way out and for that I apologize.” Remus’ eyes fell to the ground and he squirmed slightly before his eyes rose once again to meet his girlfriend’s. “Brina, I have to know – Do you – are you disgusted by me now?”

Sabrina sighed deeply, brushing the sandy fringe out of his eyes. “No, of course not. I’m just not sure if I trust you now and I can’t see how we can go on without trust.”

“Are you saying we’re…?” Remus broke off, apparently unable to continue.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.”

Lily had finally reached Severus and grasped his hand, waiting to hear what would happen between the other couple, the long fingers squeezed hers tightly.

“Brina, please I can’t lose you. I’ll do anything.”

“Rem, it isn’t…”

“Please, please Cariad; I love you and the idea…”

“What did you say?”

“I said I love you.”

“Remus.” Sabrina shook her head sadly “I love you too but I’m not certain…”

“I made a mistake, Sabrina. People make mistakes. But isn’t the most important thing I love you and you love me?”

Sabrina looked down at him uncertainly. “Maybe…”

“At least give me a chance. That’s all I’m asking for, some time to put this right between us.”

The only sound was the clock ticking in the hall. Remus looked so tense Lily was certain he would break at any moment. Finally Sabrina sighed. “Rem, you hurt me, badly.”

“I know that.”

“And things have changed between us now.” Lily could see Remus swallow hard as Sabrina continued. “You’re not the person I thought you were.”

Pain flashed through Remus’ eyes but Sabrina carried on. “I never thought in a million years you wouldn’t tell me the absolute truth. But I suppose I can understand why you did it. I’m hurt but I understand.”

“Does this mean you forgive me?”

“It means I’m willing to give you that time and see what comes of it.”

“Brina.” Remus whispered as he rose up to kiss her. For a split second Lily thought the other girl would pull away but then she met his lips willingly.

“Guess he’s forgiven.” Severus said.

“I’m not sure he is but I don’t doubt he will be.” Lily returned with a smile. “Now about you and your secret.”

“I don’t have any secrets from you.” Severus returned bewilderedly.

“Then what’s going on between you and Cris?”

“That’s not my secret, and you know I’d tell you if I could but I gave my word.”

“At least tell me if it’s bad.”

Next to her Severus shook his head “I –”

He looked so uncomfortable Lily instantly regretted asking him. “Never mind, I don’t need to know.” She gave him a smile and crossed into the lounge. “So, everything alright now?”

Remus gazed long and hard at the girl in his arms, searching for an answer. Sabrina gave him a half smile before saying, “We’re going to work on it.”

“I promise I will never keep anything from you ever again.” Remus swore vehemently.

“You had better not.” Sabrina admonished before standing up. “I think we’ve bothered Lily and Severus enough for one day, we should go.”

Remus nodded and clutched Sabrina’s hand tightly in his. “I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

“It was no problem, truly.” Lily assured him.

“We weren’t doing anything anyway,” added Severus hastily.

Both members of the other couple looked slightly sceptical, but neither said anything other than a hasty goodbye, unmistakably anxious to continue their discussion in private.

“Well, that was – interesting.” Lily declared as she closed the door behind the twosome. “I hope they can work it out.”

“They will.” Severus stated.

“How do you know that?”

“Because, you don’t let go of the person you’ve fancied for years without one hell of a fight.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes.”

“He did lie to her.”

“Only by omission.”

“And that’s acceptable?”

“No, but in this case forgivable.”

Lily bit her lip. “Sev, have you…?”

“Not in any way shape or form.” He replied kissing her.

“Where are you going?” asked Lily as he turned to leave.

“The kitchen.”

“To phone Cris?”

“No, I was going to start dinner but I could ring Cris if you’d like.”

Lily shook her head and gave him a little shove. “You can be so annoying sometimes.”

Severus’ return laugh echoed down the hall as he pushed his way through the door.

It was the last time Lily heard him laugh for the next two days and looking back on those forty-eight hours she was hardly surprised. The end of the fun came when Petunia returned later that night, a full twelve hours before she was expected. No sooner had the elder Evans daughter walked through the door than she was back on the offensive. It took Severus less than two hours to disappear into his room. Lily didn’t see him again until a closing door and a call up the stairs told her her mother was home.

Lily flung open her door, nearly colliding with Severus and together they raced down the stairs. Violet stood at the bottom, hugging Petunia, who looked annoyed as Violet detached her and took her other daughter into her arms.

“Mum, we missed you.”

“Did you now?”

“More than you’ll ever know.” Lily assured.

Violet gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before turning her attention to the boy standing on the bottom most riser. She instantly stopped in her forward movement. “Severus Snape, what happened to your cast?”

Severus peered down at his leg. “My mum healed it, so Lil and I cut it off.”

“I suppose you didn’t go to Lionel first?”

Severus looked chagrined as he affirmed her suspicion.

“Oh well, I guess it’s too late to do anything about it now.” And with a smile she hugged him.

With her arm still around Severus, Violet steered him down the hall and into the kitchen, her daughters following behind. “I see the three of you managed to not burn the house down.”

“Because Lily was never allowed to cook.” teased Severus.

“And there were no other issues?” This question was directed at Petunia.

“Not that I know of but I was gone for several days visiting Marge.”

Violet cast a searching look at her daughter. Lily was anxious to avoid any sort of scene so sought to distract her mother. “Everything was fine, mum. Remus and Sabrina came by and Cris was here several times.”

“Crispin is back?” Petunia inquired.

“Yes.” Severus answered crisply. “Actually, he wanted me to ring him when you got back Violet, so if you don’t mind.”

“No, use the phone in the lounge and Sev ask him to bring May. She is back isn’t she?”

“Yes, she returned last night.” Severus replied as he left the room.

“How was Tuscany?” Lily questioned as her mother sat down and Petunia pulled food from the refrigerator.

“It was beautiful.”

“I see you got some sun.”

Violet smiled and rubbed her hand across her reddened nose ruefully. “Oh, I forgot my hat one day and well – But the vineyard was stunning so all in all I think it was worth a little singe.”

Lily smiled at her mother, more than able to sympathize with the pain of a sunburn. As Violet turned to talk to Petunia, who was carrying a large version of a ploughman’s lunch to the table Lily studied her mother. It was true she didn’t look as tired as she had before going on holiday but neither did she look completely rested. For the first time Lily began to wonder if it was more than just sadness over the death of her husband that made her mum look so run down all the time. Her mind was still turning when Severus re-entered the room.

“Cris said he’ll be here in the next half hour or so.”

“Good.”

“So where did you make it to?” Severus asked eagerly, grabbing a slice of cheese from the platter.

Violet was in the midst of describing her exploration of a small market town when Cris and May entered the kitchen. She broke off abruptly and rose to hug the Hall siblings. May gushed but Lily was surprised to see Crispin looked almost panicked at the sight of Violet. She was even more surprised when Violet released Cris and said. “Yes, alright. If you all will excuse us, Cris and I need to speak in private for a moment.”

Everyone but Severus looked puzzled as they left the room. He looked pensive. A fact it apparently took May next to no time to take in. “What’s going on with Cris?” she demanded.

Severus shrugged his shoulders and reached for another piece of cheese but May’s hand slammed down over his. “Oh no you don’t. I know you know what’s going on so spill it.”

Severus calmly removed his hand from beneath May’s. “I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I promised I wouldn’t.” May’s mouth opened, undoubtedly to protest but the speaker’s next words stopped her. “And I would no more break my word to Cris than I would break my word to you.”

May’s lips clamped shut and she crossed her arms across her chest, unable to contradict what he had said. Whether or not the girl caught Severus’ next words Lily couldn’t say though she certainly overheard his mutterings. “No doubt you’ll know soon enough.”

The room descended into an unpleasant silence, the four remaining people picking at the food on the plastic tray. It seemed to Lily her mother and Crispin were gone for hours, though the reality was considerably shorter. The first thing Lily noticed when her mother re-entered the room was that once again Violet looked indescribably exhausted. Another glance showed her Crispin’s eyes were red and puffy. Everyone sitting around the table tensed.

“Cris has something he would like to tell all of you.” Violet spoke, her voice harsh with emotion.

Crispin’s gaze travelled to each of the people seated in front of him. He shifted nervously from one foot to another before beginning to speak. “Honoria and I are – getting married.”

There was a sharp intake of breath from the other side of Lily. Across the table Petunia looked up in astonishment. “When?”

“On the 23rd.”

“Of which month?” Inquired Lily, wondering how on earth she and Severus would get away from Hogwarts to attend.

“July.”

“Oh – my – God!” The words seemed to be ripped from May’s lips as she sprang to her feet, her chair clattering to the floor. “You’ve gone and gotten her sprogged up haven’t you?”

Understandably upset by his sister’s reaction, Crispin dropped down into a vacant Windsor chair. Every set of eyes in the room was on him though Lily was almost certain what the answer would be. “Yes, Honoria and I are going to have a baby.”

“Oh, Cris.” Lily hadn’t meant the words to come out as sadly as they did, but any distress she felt faded away when May fell back into her seat, put her head on the table and began to sob loudly.

“May.” Crispin reached out and gently laid a hand on the shaking shoulder.

A sniffled response came from between the pink clad arms. What May had said Lily couldn’t make out, Cris obviously didn’t have the same problem because he whispered, “It isn’t like that, May.”

May shrugged off her brother’s touch and rose from the table, wiping the tears from her face. Then, without another word, she stalked into the back garden. Melancholy etched Crispin’s face. “I didn’t think she would react like this.”

“She’s had a shock. Go after her Cris and tell her everything that you told me. It will be fine darling just keep your head up.” Violet gave him a week smile and kissed him lightly on the top of his head. “Petunia, why don’t you come upstairs and help me unpack?”

The two women left the room, leaving Lily, Severus and Crispin still sitting at the table. The elder looked from one to the other, anger flashing in his eyes. “Talk to her? She shouldn’t need explanations. She should just accept it and be happy for me, which is what sisters are meant to do, isn’t it? Instead…” It was the first time Lily had ever heard one of the Halls sound angry at the other.

“Cris, mum’s right, May’s just surprised. I think we all are a little.”

“Is it too much to ask that at least one person in this family be happy for me?”

“I take it things didn’t go well with Vi?” Severus questioned quietly.

“She was disappointed. Said that as the eldest it was up to me to be a role model for the rest of you and I had undoubtedly failed in that.”

Lily was astonished her mother would say such a thing and clearly so was Severus. “Violet actually said that to you?”

“No, not in so many words but I could tell it was what she was thinking.”

“What did she really say?”

“She – she asked if I was sure this was what I wanted. Laid out other options for me to consider. She told me what a huge responsibility being a parent is. She asked what I planned to do about university and the future in general.

“I did assure her I was going to continue my education, that I have every intension of getting my degree. That I knew this was a major decision and would change my life forever. But I love Honoria, really I do.  And I already love my baby. I am going to do my absolute best to be a good husband and father. I will make this work.”

“Mum’s right, you should go and explain that to May.”

“Lily.”

“Cris, I know you’re upset but May’s your sister not to mention your best friend or at least that’s what you told us. Sometimes best friends have misunderstandings. If there’s one thing I’ve learned this past year it’s that nothing gets solved if you don’t talk about what’s upset you.”

Crispin looked ready to object but at a look from Severus he shrugged his shoulders and joined Margaret outside. Once Lily was certain he was out of hearing she turned to her own best friend. “Upstairs?”

He nodded and followed her up to the lilac decorated room, looking surprised when she shut the door behind them. He wisely chose to say nothing, simply stood there, plainly waiting to hear what she would say. “Well, that was a piece of news wasn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Are you going to tell me what you think?”

Severus sighed and sat down on the bed. “I don’t – I’m not certain he’s doing the best thing but nothing I said could talk him out of it.”

Lily sat down on the puff and met his gaze. “Do you think the baby’s his?”

“Yes.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Just somewhere in my gut I feel like – maybe – It’s not like Cris to be irresponsible and he wanted to finish university. No matter what he says marriage and babies were not something he was thinking about. And – let’s face it they’ve had troubles – big troubles.”

“I’m not sure where you’re going with this, Sev.”

“I think the baby’s Cris’ because I think…”

Suddenly Lily knew what he was getting at. “Honoria got pregnant on purpose.”

Severus nodded abruptly.

“Why would she?”

“If I tell you this, you can never breathe a word of it to anyone.”

“Promise,” Lily swore, moving to his side on the bed.

“Turns out the Archers are having money problems. So much so they can’t pay for the wedding and Cris had to give Honoria money to meet her bills the last few months and apparently her bills are substantial. Anyway, after looking into it, it seems Mr. Archer has lost tens of thousands of pounds in the last few months.”

“So what better way for Honoria to keep up her standard of living then by marrying Cris.”

“And as I said, Cris wasn’t thinking about getting married any time in the near future so thus...”

“The baby.”

Once again Severus nodded. “Mind you, I don’t have any proof, just suspicions.”

“Yes, because those are wrong so very often,” Lily returned sarcastically. “But Sev, if you’re right then you have to stop Cris from marrying her.”

“Angel, I’ve said everything I can possibly think of to get him to change his mind or at least delay but all I succeeded in doing was getting Cris angry at me. And let’s face it, if Violet couldn’t talk him out of getting married then no one can. No, Lily this is the way it is and like it or not we all have to accept it.”

Lily sighed and laid her head on his shoulder. “I suppose just because it begins badly doesn’t mean it can’t end well.”

“I hope so.” Severus fervently uttered. Silently Lily added her wish to his, knowing there was nothing else she could do.


	41. Meetings

If Severus had thought Crispin’s news was the high point of his summer drama then the next few days proved just how mistaken he had been. For the thirty-six hours following the revelation Severus had savoured the fact that he could once again be open and honest with Lily. That happiness came to an abrupt end on Monday with a knock on his bedroom door.

“Come in,” He called, not bothering to raise his eyes from the book in front of him, supposing that it was Violet coming to collect yet another load of laundry. It was only when the bed sagged next to him he realized his assumption was incorrect.

“Hello,” Lily said with a smile.

“Hi,” he replied, sitting up from his half reclining position. Severus wondered if it was safe to kiss her and glanced towards Petunia’s bedroom through his open door. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lily’s outstretched hand holding out a creamy envelope.

“Here, this just came for you.”

Severus could see the emerald ink flowing across the parchment. “Hogwarts?”

Lily nodded. He took the envelope from her hand and slid a finger under the flap, pulling out a large sheaf of parchment. His eyes scanned the list of required books and supplies, pricing each of them mentally. The sight of several of the potions ingredients caused his heart to beat a little faster. He didn’t know if that was due to the cost of them or the fact their inclusion meant that the brewing for this last year would be particularly challenging.

“Looks like potions should be fairly stimulating this year. Yet another crap Defense book, so it seems safe to assume the professor will be equally inferior. Maybe I should just drop it, not as if I’ve learned anything since Professor Rittenhouse in fourth year.” Still lost in thought he dropped the paper on the bed. “Of course, there is only a year left, and the more N.E.W.T.s you take the better it looks. Guess I’m stuck - So when do you want to go to Diagon Alley?” He asked, finally focusing his attention on the figure perched on the edge of the bed.

She was staring down at the envelope as if expecting it to burst into flames at any moment. “Lil?”

Lily made no response. Instead, she bit her lip, reached out her hand and snatched the envelope off the duvet, peering inside. “Where is it?”

“Where’s what?”

“Your letter.”

Severus glanced down just to make certain the parchment was still there. There was no doubt he was confused. “It’s right in front of you.”

“Not that one, the other one.”

“Which other one?”

“I don’t – it should…” She muttered as she turned the envelope upside down and shook it.

“Okay, clearly something is going on I am unaware of.”

“I don’t understand. I was sure you would get it.”

“Get what? Lily, will you please tell me what you’re on about?”

“Your letter, the one for head boy.”

“Well –” he began slowly “maybe it’ll come – you got a letter didn’t you? You’ve been made head girl.”

Lily’s answer came out sadly. “Yes, and I thought you…”

“Would be made head boy.” He finished for her. “I told you there was no way Dumbledore was going to pick me.” She looked so dejected he smiled bravely and said. “It doesn’t matter, angel.”

“But you wanted it. I know you did.”

He couldn’t deny it. He had wanted to be head boy and until this moment he hadn’t realized just how much. “Yes, I did but…”

“And you deserve it. You’re smart, and talented, and responsible and you always have top marks. I’d like to see who they’re going to find better than you.”

With each word out of her mouth his heart lifted a little more. Hearing Lily sing his praises almost made up for having not obtained his goal. “I imagine it will be someone who’s already a prefect, maybe Remus.”

“That wouldn’t be bad. Oh Merlin, what if it’s that prig from Ravenclaw?”

“Then you’ll be your usual charming self and get through it.”

“But I wasn’t meant to need to be charming or get through it, because it was supposed to be you and me. That was the plan, remember?”

Severus thought back to the dreams they had spun in the Spot so many years before. The fact they would be the heads together had always been taken for granted. It hurt to realize it would now never be. Still, he didn’t want to ruin the moment for Lily, so he was prepared to tell her he didn’t care and would most likely be better off having the extra time to devote to studying for his N.E.W.T.s. but he never got a word out.

Instead, he watched as Lily slowly unfurled her right hand to reveal the coveted head girl pin. “Maybe – maybe, I could refuse.”

He was stunned and his voice came out as a whisper. “Refuse to be head girl?”

“Why not? I can’t really imagine doing it without you.”

He was overwhelmed by the suggestion and his heart overflowed with love for her. He ran his finger lightly over the piece of multicoloured jewellery in her hand. “Lily, don’t give up this opportunity for me.”

“Maybe I should. After all, you changed your whole life for me. It only seems fair I give up something I wanted for you.”

A lump gathered in his throat. He didn’t think he possessed the words to tell her how much that one act of selflessness meant to him. Instead he reached out and pulled her into an embrace, cradling her face in his hands. Then, without even glancing towards the door, unconcerned about who saw them, he kissed her, tenderly, deeply, hoping somehow this one act would convey to her everything he felt for her.

When he pulled away they were both panting and Lily had that slightly dazed look she had had after their first kiss. He ran the back of his hand down her cheek lightly, loving the way she leaned into his touch. “Li – Lily, I want you to be head girl.”

“But…” She began.

Swiftly, he pressed one finger to her lips. “You deserve this and if you turn it down because of me, I’ll feel incredibly guilty.”

She pulled his hand down gently, keeping it in hers. “If I take it where does that leave you?”

“As the boyfriend of the head girl.”

She sighed and looked out the window. “You’re sure about this?”

“Absolutely.”

“It means we won’t get to spend as much time together.”

“They would have never put us on patrol together anyway.”

“True.”

“So, this way we only have to work around one schedule and not two. Besides it’s probably just as well I didn’t get made head boy. I’ll need the extra study time if I want to do well enough on my exams to…” abruptly he broke off and rolled off the bed.

“What is it?” Lily questioned from where she sat.

Severus threw open the window. “I thought I saw an owl.”

“Maybe they did send your letter separately.” He could hear the excitement in her voice.

“No.” He shook his head as the eagle owl swept in, dropped a letter at his feet and winged his way back out again.

“Then what is it?”

“Lucius.” He answered tersely, scooping the letter up off the floor.

“What could he possibly have to say?”

“Guess we’ll see.” For the second time that morning he slit open an envelope and pulled a letter out. Like the previous missive this one was short. He crossed back to the bed and sat down next to Lily, holding the letter between them so they could read it together.

_Severus,_

_I apologize for not having written you earlier, but with the wedding only a few weeks away every spare moment is taken up with preparations. (Unfortunately the new house elf seems incapable of doing anything properly without direct supervision.) I did want to assure you, I am still most interested in hearing news of any developments regarding your mission. I was highly impressed when Vincent told me of your possible recruitment of Remus Lupin, though I must confess I do not personally remember the boy. At any rate, it was my great pleasure to pass this piece of information to the Dark Lord. He is most appreciative of the dedication you are giving to the cause and I think if you are successful in your endeavours your rewards will be great._

_As for your current living situation, rest assured, I did receive your mother’s owl. I am extremely sorry I am not able to offer you a place to live for the summer but mother absolutely refused to even discuss it. Hardly surprising given what happened between your mother and her younger brother. I had thought of asking Narcissa if you could stay with us after the wedding but as I have refused to let her sister stay I thought it might be a bit of a sore point. It hardly seems conducive to a peaceful marriage to begin with a disagreement. Thankfully, Bellatrix has announced her engagement to Lestrange so this shouldn’t be an issue in the future. It seems likely we will be able to work out an arrangement for your Christmas holidays._

_In the meantime, I think you will agree you are in the best place towards accomplishing the task the Dark Lord has set for you. Just be careful you do not become too ingratiated in those people’s world. Remember you come from a great line of witches and wizards. You owe it to those ancestors to make up for your mother’s choice and the dilution of her pure blood. You do have a great deal of promise, Severus and I would hate for you to throw your future away on a path that is not worthy of you._

_Lucius_

Severus’ eyes ran over the final sentence twice and his stomach clenched tightly for a moment. Next to him Lily sighed. “It doesn’t seem like the plan is working does it?”

“It is.”

“How do you know?”

“Lucius is clearly concerned I might be tempted away and is letting me know he’s keeping an eye on me. Though he’s chosen not to tell Voldemort of his apprehensions.”

“Why would he not tell You-Know-Who of his suspicions?”

“I suppose because it wouldn’t look good for him. I was his only real recruit at Hogwarts.”

“What about Avery and Mulciber?”

Severus shook his head. “They both have family members in the ranks so Lucius didn’t particularly have to do anything.”

“Somehow I always thought he had recruited everyone. From the outside it looked like you all worshiped him and he clearly took the three of you under his wing, though you were the obvious favourite.”

“Yes, I think I was – the fact that I’m turning my back on him, on everything he’s done for me isn’t going to go over well.”

“What exactly did he do for you besides lead you down the wrong path?”

“Lil, in his mind it’s not the wrong path. It’s the road to the perfect wizarding world, one where purebloods are given the respect he feels they deserve. A world where we don’t have to hide, can live openly, proclaiming our greatness to the world. He offered me an entrance into that world, it’s something I wouldn’t have gotten without him given my parentage.”

“Clearly blood isn’t quite as important as either of you thought since You-Know-Who asked you to bring me into the group.”

“Hmm, I have to admit I still don’t understand that. Unless…”

“Unless.” Lily prompted.

“Unless – there’s no way Voldemort knows who you are. Lucius had to have told him about you.”

“Why would he do that?”

“Don’t you see? Lucius knows my first loyalty it to you. You’ve always been the biggest risk haven’t you? The one person he thought would be able to talk me out of joining the fellowship. But if you become a Death Eater then there wouldn’t be the slightest chance of me defecting. And there is the added benefit that he would have recruited an amazingly talented witch for Voldemort.”

Lily nodded thoughtfully. Severus reached out and took her hand in his, while she laid her head against his shoulder. For several minutes they sat that way, each lost in their own thoughts.

Suddenly Lily gave a little snort and Severus turned his head to look at her. “What?”

“It’s funny to think of Lucius actually being right.”

 “I’m sorry?”

“It happened exactly the way he thought it would. I asked you not to join and you’re not going to. I wonder, do you think he’ll find any comfort in being right or will he hate me all the more for having corrupted you?”

For a second, an image of Lily lying on the floor of a destroyed house, her hair tangled over a set of blank emerald eyes flashed through Severus’ mind. He felt his head spin and was seized by the overwhelming desire to grab her and run far away.

“Sev.”

He shook his head to clear it and met her gaze. “Yes.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not regretting your decision are you?”

“Of course not!”

“I just thought you might feel guilty about Lucius.”

“Lil, he threatened you, any loyalty I had to him died at that moment.”

“So you’re happy – with your choice?”

“I couldn’t be happier.” He smiled assuringly.

Lily beamed at him and leaned in, eyes dancing. Severus was constantly amazed by the diversity of Lily’s kisses. It awed him how he could tell exactly what she was thinking and feeling just by the way her mouth moved against his. This kiss was grateful, loving, victorious, but somehow still hesitant and a little fearful. He gently pulled her into his lap, trying desperately to reassure her that he wished for no other life, wanted nothing more than to be on his current path with her.

“Hmm – Sev.” She murmured, starting to move away.

He couldn’t stand to have her gone yet and eagerly followed her lips with his own. Lily sighed and shifted. “Sev – we have – to get – ready.”

He pulled away, confused. “For what?”

“Cris and Honoria will be here in –” She glanced at the clock. “A little less than an hour.”

“Bugger, I thought that was tomorrow.”

“No, I’m afraid it’s today and as best man I think your presence is required.”

“Bollucks, bollucks, bollucks.” He swore, scrambling from the bed. “I was going to get my hair cut before they came.”

“I’m sure if you ask mum she could give you a quick trim.”

“I was going to get a proper cut.” He answered; digging through the wardrobe for the navy trousers and brown shirt Violet had bought him.

Behind him, he heard Lily rise from the bed. “What do you mean a proper cut?”

“I was going to get my hair cut short.”

“Don’t – you – dare.” Lily was now standing next to the wardrobe door glaring at him.

He was surprised at the fervency of her response and quirked an eyebrow at her.

“If you cut off your hair you’ll look…”

“Yes.”

“Stu…” She stopped abruptly.

He paused in his hunt, the shirt hanging loosely in his hand. “Go on, what is it I’ll look like?”

“Not like you.” At a glance from him, she quickly added. “Come on Sev, you’ve had the same hair cut since I met you. I can’t even picture you with any other style – Besides, I like your hair.” Lily reached up and gently caressed a lock.

“Lil, I don’t want to embarrass Cris at his wedding.”

“You won’t.”

“But…”

“Did Cris ask you to cut it?”

“No.”

“Then I think you should leave it be. Besides if you cut it now, you won’t be able to annoy Petunia’s prat fiancé.”

“And just when am I likely to see him?”

“Didn’t I tell you? He’s coming to dinner the night after tomorrow.”

“Bloody brilliant.” Severus muttered, pulling a pair of pants from the drawer and stuffing them under his arm quickly. “If anyone needs me, I’ll be drowning myself in the shower.”

Lily laughed lightly and gave him a quick peck. “As long as you’re done and downstairs in – forty-seven minutes.”

Exactly forty-five minutes later Severus walked down the stairs and into the lounge. In the room, Lily was fluffing the cushions on the sofa while Violet moved knick-knacks on the bookshelves. Severus glanced at both of the women before sitting down in one of the wingchairs and leaning down to pick up his book from the spot where he had left it on the floor. Instead his fingers touched only hardwood.

“Where’s my book?”

“On the shelf.” Violet answered briskly.

As Severus rose from the chair Lily looked his way. “You can’t read right now, Sev.”

“Why not?”

“Because Cris will be here any minute.”

As if on cue the sound of the door opening reached them. “Vi?”

“We’re in here, Cris.” Violet answered as she whisked the dust cloth out of sight.

Crispin rounded the corner looking as nervous as Severus had ever seen him. “Hi.”

Before anyone could respond a tall, willowy girl joined him. Cris wrapped an arm around her waist and smiled over at her. “Vi, Lils, Sev this is Honoria. Honoria, this is Violet Evans, her daughter, Lily and my best friend slash best man, Severus Snape.” Cris took a quick glimpse around the room. “Where’s Petunia?”

“She’s in the kitchen. I’ll just pop in and get her. Please, make yourself comfortable.” Violet smiled cheerfully as she breezed from the room.

Unsure of what to do, Severus stood awkwardly in the middle of the room staring at the stunning girl standing opposite him. Thankfully, Lily didn’t seem to suffer from the same uneasiness and bustled across the room and held her hand out. “Hello Honoria, it’s nice to finally meet you.”

Honoria took the pro-offered hand and shook it. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Please, sit down.” Lily motioned towards the sofa before sitting down in one of the chairs.

Cris sat down, with Honoria by his side. She smiled nervously and then turned slightly. “Severus, how is your ankle, Crispin said you had hurt it.”

“It’s fine now, thank you.” Severus answered as he sat down in the other chair.

“Good. Lily…” the woman broke off as Violet and Petunia entered the room.

“Honoria, this is my other daughter, Petunia.”

Petunia smiled as she crossed the room to shake the other girl’s hand. “What a beautiful ring!”

“Thank you. Yours is lovely as well. When are you and – Vernon…” Honoria turned slightly and shot her fiancé a questioning look. He smiled and nodded slightly. “getting married?”

“Next June. He wanted to be able to be able to put a down payment on a house first. And everyone knows it takes at least a year to plan a wedding, any less and people will start to think you had to get – married.”

Severus was shocked by Petunia’s obvious faux pas, as were most of the other people in the room judging by Lily’s gasp and Violet’s hiss of her daughter’s name. Honoria seemed completely unfazed. “I find people will talk no matter what you do. If it’s too short of an engagement they think one thing, too long and they think another. There really is no way to win is there? However, I must admit I feel a tad overwhelmed, pulling it all together so quickly. Still it will be worth all the fuss to be married to Crispin.”

Severus was beginning to wonder if he had been wrong in his assumptions about the girl sitting by his friend’s side. He was fairly certain he could see the love in her eyes as she looked at Cris.

Violet gave a small sigh, he thought of relief, and turned around.

“Mum, sit here.” Said Lily as she rose from her chair.

Violet hesitated but as Petunia settled onto the couch she nodded and sat down. Lily walked over and perched herself on the arm of the chair Severus was sitting in. “I can move,” he whispered.

Lily only smiled and wrapped her arm around his shoulder before asking. “Cris where’s May? I thought she was coming with the two of you.”

“She’s having breakfast with Alex’s sister, Deirdre. I thought she would be here by now.”

“Those things always go on longer than anyone plans,” stated Honoria knowingly. “I’m certain she’ll be along, soon.”

Petunia looked over at her mother. “I’m not sure how long the food is going to be able to set and still be good mum.”

Violet shot a look out the window and bit her lip in an action reminiscent of her younger daughter. “Let’s give her ten minutes and then we’ll begin.”

They waited fifteen before Violet rose and made her way into the dining room. Perhaps this was because she was hoping May’s arrival would lessen the tension among the group. Even though Severus knew they were all trying there was no way to escape the feeling of careful politeness that permeated the air. So it was a great relief to all of them when May breezed in an hour later.

“So sorry I’m late, everyone. The Dowager ended in coming and it was impossible to escape.” May said as she dropped into a chair.

“I don’t suppose you’re hungry?” inquired Violet.

“Famished. I was so nervous I’m not sure I ate much of anything.” May laughed as she pulled a bowl towards her.

Violet smiled reassuringly “I’m sure you were absolutely charming.”

“How did it go?” Crispin asked.

May shrugged. “I wish I knew.”

“What was the Dowager like?” asked Honoria.

“She was very old fashioned. Went on and on about a Lady Daphne. Apparently she’s perfect in ways I couldn’t dream of being. She speaks three languages flawlessly, sings, dances, paints, always immaculately dressed, and impeccably well connected.”

“Sounds boring.” Severus declared.

May’s eyes swung around and sparkled at him. “Thanks, Sev.”

“Do you mean Lady Daphne Talbot?” queried Honoria.

“Yes.”

“I know her. Totally stuck up, looks completely emaciated these days. I always want to force feed her a sandwich or something.” Honoria assured them with a roll of her eyes.

There was a snort from Cris and suddenly they were all laughing. After that the mood lightened considerably. By the time the Halls and Honoria left it seemed as if Cris’ fiancée had not only adjusted well to the group, but had been welcomed by them.

Somehow Severus wasn’t optimistic his first meeting with Petunia’s fiancé would go as well. In fact, if he had been pressed then he would have been forced to admit he had spent countless hours trying to figure out how to get out of dinner on Wednesday night. Every idea had been rejected as either impractical or completely duplicitous. Finally, after a long conversation with Cris, he resigned himself to the inevitable, mostly because, as Cris had pointed out, it would greatly upset Lily if he skived off, and even though nothing had been said he knew Violet would be equally upset if he attempted to come up with some pathetic excuse. After all she had done for him he owed it to her to make the effort to be friendly to Vernon Dursley. In his soul he was afraid it would end in being like spending an entire night locked in a room with Sirius Black, picked on at every turn.

Severus’ stomach gave an uncomfortable flip at the thought. There was only an hour left until Vernon Dursley was due to arrive. One hour and here he was standing in the bathroom staring at his reflection. He had brought up the idea of getting his hair cut short again yesterday to both Lily and Cris, figuring it would save him at least some aggravation. Cris had told him in no uncertain terms short hair would make him look like a ponce and he wasn’t having a poncy looking best man. Lily, even more shockingly, had threatened to cut her hair just as short in retaliation. That was all he needed to hear and so the hair had stayed, though Violet had graciously trimmed it up an inch or so.

Generally speaking, Severus didn’t give much thought to his appearance. Why should he? His father had made it clear to him at a very young age he was unattractive and would never be anything else. While he knew it was inescapable that Vernon Dursley would think poorly of him Severus still wanted to do everything possible to make sure neither Violet nor Lily were ashamed of him. So this morning he had stolen into Lily’s room while she was downstairs and borrowed a bobble.

Three times now he had pulled his hair back into a ponytail and twice he had ripped the bobble out again, unfortunately pulling wads of hair out each time. Now he had it back again and gazed sourly at his reflection. If anything made him look like a git it was this, and as if that weren’t bad enough, somehow he couldn’t help thinking this hairstyle made his nose looked about five times larger than usual. How was that even possible? He remembered how once, back in second year, Black had told him noses kept growing your whole life. Severus had been too afraid to go look and see if that were the truth or not. At this moment it hardly mattered, the wretched thing couldn’t look bigger if he were 110.

He reached up to pull the bobble out again, trying to prepare himself for the inevitable pain. He was stopped by a knock on the door. “Severus is everything alright in there?”

“Yes, Violet.”

“Are you sure? You’ve been in there an awfully long time.”

Great, Merlin only knew what Vi thought he was doing in here. Probably the very thing he had done last night. Sighing he gave one last glance at the mirror and opened the door, figuring it was the lesser of the two evils. “Does it look stupid?” He asked the surprised figure at the door.

Violet hesitated and brushed a stray strand of hair back from his face. “It’s different.”

Severus reached a hand up behind his head. “No, leave it. I might just need some time to get use to it.” Violet stated.

He nodded and reluctantly let his hand fall back to his side just as the doorbell rang.

“Heavens that can’t be him already!” Violet exclaimed as she made her way down the hall.

Severus took one last glance at the bathroom, his hand reaching up to the bobble. “Oh sod it,” he muttered under his breath, before switching off the light and following Violet downstairs. He paused on the bottom riser to take a deep breath in and remind himself that no matter what was said tonight he could and would refrain from losing his temper. With one last breath he crossed the threshold of the lounge and promptly stopped short.

Vernon Dursley looked nothing like Severus remembered. In his mind he had seen Petunia’s fiancé as having the casual cruelty of Sirius Black and James Potter and the looks of his father, only darker and more muscled. While the man standing in front of Violet Evans was dark he was in no way muscled in fact, he was – well fat was the only word Severus could think of, and his little start of a moustache was completely ridiculous. Severus just barely managed to hold back his snicker as he walked up to the threesome.

Petunia gave him a once over, her eyes taking in everything from the ponytail to his white shirt and black trousers to the newly shined shoes on his feet. He guessed he must have vaguely passed muster because she didn’t sneer in the slightest, instead she gave him a rather cold smile and said. “Severus, this is my fiancé Vernon Dursley. Darling this is my sister, Lily’s – friend.” Ahh there was the scorn he had been expecting “Severus Snape.”

Vernon eyed him critically. “What sort of name is Severus?”

“An old family one.” Severus responded coolly.

“Hmm, yes. Well...”

“You know there were several saints called Severus,” said a voice from the doorway.

“Is that so Lily?” asked Violet, clearly intrigued.

Lily smiled as she walked towards the group. “I’ve already found four, one of whom was the bishop of Reims.”

“Now isn’t that interesting.” Violet mused “Did you know that Severus?”

“Yes.”

Lily looked up at him laughingly. “And are you maybe related to one of these saints?”

“Perhaps.” He returned, a little slyly.

Vernon leaned down to Petunia and whispered something that sounded like “Ruddy Catholics” to Severus. He chose to ignore the other man and smiled down at Lily. “That’s a pretty frock.”

Lily’s hand unconsciously smoothed down the skirt of her pale green flowered dress. “Do you think so?”

“Yes.”

“Good, because I bought it especially.”

“For this dinner?” Severus said with a frown as he started to follow the rest of the group towards the dining room.

Behind him, Lily burst out into giggles. “No silly, I bought it for you.”

He turned swiftly and ran his eyes appreciatively down her figure. “Best frock I’ve seen in an age.”

“Now don’t you go getting any of your smart ideas.” She said tapping his nose lightly with her finger and grinning at him mischievously.

“Then don’t look like that.”

“Lily, Severus are you coming?” Called Violet.

“Yes, mum.” Lily responded before turning to look at him “Remember no school talk at dinner.”

“I know.”

“Or religion, or politics, or...”

“So what am I allowed to talk about?”

Lily shrugged, “The weather.”

“Great, this is going to be a bloody long night.” He muttered walking to the door.

“Sev.” Lily rushed to catch up with him. “Just be as nice as you can and I promise I’ll make it up to you later.”

 Severus gave her a curt nod and entered the room. At first dinner seemed to go well. The conversation mainly focused on the wedding and since Severus had nothing to contribute he focused his attention on his plate and the game of footsie Lily had begun as soon as they sat down. Finally even Petunia seemed to run out of things to say regarding “her big day”, which Severus considered to be an event akin to a miracle and the table fell into stilted silence.

For at least five minutes they all sat picking at their food. Then Vernon said, “so Callaghan and Steel, that was a bit underhanded.”

Severus shot a glance at Lily. How come Vernon got to talk about politics? She raised an eyebrow and gave him the smallest of shakes of her head.

“It was a very open and honest arrangement.” Violet replied briskly, clearly hoping this would end the discussion.

But Vernon was either dense or determined to say his piece because he ploughed ahead. “If the Labour government doesn’t have a majority they should go. It’s time the good guys got back into power.”

This time Severus couldn’t stop himself. “I take it you’re a Tory then.”

“Of course.” Vernon looked at Severus calculatingly. “Aren’t you?”

“I don’t think that much about - politics.” Severus responded truthfully, grateful he had managed to stop himself from saying the word muggle.

Vernon gave a derisive sniff. “Do they not talk about politics at your school?”

“No, not particularly.”

“And you consider that a good education?”

“I’m sure I’ve learned many things that will be worthwhile in my future life, yes.” Severus could feel Lily shifting in her seat next to him and the light kick she gave him under the table had nothing to do with their earlier game.

“If they don’t teach you about government how will you know who to vote for?”

“I suppose by reading a paper and educating myself.”

“And that’s how these governments get into power. All this Labour party crap.” Severus wondered briefly if Vernon was at all aware of the fact that most of the people in this family belonged to the Labour party. Judging by his next words, Severus had to guess he didn’t. “All they really want to give people a free hand out. What they need to realize is that if people just got off their lazy arses and worked there would be no poverty. Why we ever did away with the poor house and debtors prison I’ll never know.”

“I’m sorry?” Severus felt a little twinge of pity for Vernon because Lily’s tone of voice clearly conveyed how angry she was at his statement. “Are you implying poor people want to be poor?”

“Well, it’s not as if there’s a strong inducement for people to work these days is there? Not when you can just sign on or go on the dole.”

“Now Vernon, that money is there for people who need a little extra help.” Violet supplied calmly.

“The only extra help most people need is the fear of going hungry.”

Okay, Severus had now officially had enough. “Tell me, Vernon when’s the last time you went hungry?”

“Never, my father knows how to provide for his family.”

“And what if he had gotten laid off through no fault of his own?”

“Never happen, my father is a hard worker. A hard worker never gets laid off.”

Severus almost scoffed; this man really did live in a dream world.  “And what about people who are old, or infirmed?”

“If they had saved properly when they were working they wouldn’t have a problem would they?”

“And all those people who live from pay to pay?”

“Then they clearly don’t know how to budget.”

Severus was only moments away from exploding and he knew it. His Gram had worked her fingers to the bone for years at crap jobs, had been so frugal she made him look like a spend thrift, yet even she had taken assistance so his father could have decent food and proper clothes. Through sheer determination and hard work she had pulled herself out of poverty and had never ceased to be grateful for the help she had been given when she needed it the most.

“And what about the children?” asked Lily quietly and Severus knew she was thinking of him.

“If you can’t afford children you shouldn’t have them, instead of making the rest of us pay for them.”

Severus took a deep breath in and once he was sure he had calmed down a little he spoke. “You know, most people who are on the dole would prefer not to be.”

“Surely you don’t believe that?”

“No, I know it.”

“Then someone’s pulled the wool over your eyes. You should try reading something besides socialist propaganda.”

“I don’t need to read anything. I only need to look on my street. Most of those people live on next to nothing, working jobs you wouldn’t deign to dirty your hands with and they barely have enough to get by. Some of them take the help but many don’t.”

“That’s what they tell you. I’m sure the reality is different.”

Severus couldn’t listen to this man’s assumptions for one minute longer. “Do know what reality is Dursley? It’s watching them pull a crippled old woman out of her home frozen to death. Are you really telling me that was better than her living on the dole?”

It was obvious Vernon was thrown by this. “As I said, if she had saved then she wouldn’t have been in that predicament.”

“Mrs. Sanderson was 90 years old! She was trying to live on her husband’s pension. A pension that would have been fine if it weren’t for inflation or greedy corporations who care more for their bottom line than their employees. You go down across the river sometime and I promise you, you will find people who are hard workers, who want better for themselves and their children.”

“If it’s so great there why are you living here?”

Lily reached for his hand under the table. He would not lose his temper, would not do or say anything he would regret, not this time. “That’s really none of your business is it?”

“If it effects Petunia then it effects me.”

“I think this conversation has gone on long enough.” Violet bit out.

“No, I’ll answer him. I’m here because I do want better, for myself, for the family I hope to have some day. The first step towards accomplishing that goal is finishing my education. Without Violet’s generosity I’m not certain I would have been able to continue going to school. I will always be thankful for her kindness and fully intend to repay her for everything she has done for me.”

Violet smiled at him tenderly. “You doing your best at school this year and finishing is all the thanks I need.” She shot a glance at Vernon before continuing, “Severus does so well in his lessons. Daniel and I are always very proud of his marks. He has a very promising future ahead of him, our Sev.”

Severus flushed at the compliment. “I am trying my best.” He assured her as he pushed his chair back. “If everyone doesn’t mind, I’d like to be excused, my stomach’s not feeling its best.”

“Of course dear. If you could take your plate to the kitchen I would appreciate it.” replied Violet softly.

Lily watched as Severus picked up the plate, the cutlery clattering against the china. As he walked around the table Violet reached out a hand and brushed his arm, smiling up at him. Severus joylessly returned the smile and left the room. Violet waited until the sound of the backdoor shutting reached them before turning to her daughter. “Petunia, I would like to see you in the other room.”

Petunia shot her fiancé a disgruntled look and followed after her mother. Lily sat for several long minutes staring at Vernon, who seemed completely unconcerned by the distress he had caused and continued to calmly empty his plate. She hadn’t the slightest idea what her sister saw in this man and probably would go spare if she tried to figure it out. She hastily pulled the napkin from her lap and placed it next to her plate. Vernon didn’t even look up when she left the room.

In the lounge she could hear her mother talking to her sister. “...completely unacceptable, he owes Severus an apology and...”

Lily didn’t stay to listen. She walked purposely to the backdoor and pushed it open. She had fully expected to hear the sound of screaming jelly babies coming from the shop but the garden was almost eerily quiet. She was starting to wonder if Severus had left the garden altogether when she heard a sharp crack from near the shop.

“Sev?”

She faintly caught a muttered reply and crossed the grass towards where he stood. He was staring up at the tiny sliver of moon and breaking a branch into miniscule pieces. “Are you alright?” Lily asked.

She could see the shadow of a shrug in the faint light from the neighbour’s yard. “Mum’s in there reading Tuney the riot act.”

“Yeah?”

“Uh huh, I heard her telling Tuney that Dursley needed come apologize to you.”

Severus snorted as he pulled a small branch from the oak tree next to him.

“Don’t do that dearest.”

Severus didn’t respond and Lily knew he was much more upset then he had let on back in the dining room. He slowly continued to break the twig apart, not speaking until the last bit fell from his hand. “Is that what it’s like for you?”

“I’m sorry?”

“When people say bad things about muggleborns do you feel like they’re attacking you personally?”

“In the beginning I did. Now I mostly ignore them.”

“How do you do that, just slough it off?”

“I don’t know. I guess I figure it’s something I can’t change. I am what I am and people can either accept it or not.”

“I wish I could figure out how to do that...I don’t even know why I’m upset. It’s not as if we’ve ever been on the dole. My father has always refused.” He laughed darkly. “Even when...”

“Even when?” Lily prompted.

“Never mind.”

She sighed; from the tone of his voice she knew Severus wasn’t ready to share that particular story with her. She didn’t know what to say to make the situation better. He had always been hypersensitive about his lack of money, so she just stood, waiting to see what he would do or say next.

Severus reached a hand up towards the tree but seemed to reconsider and let it fall back down to his side. “Lil.”

“Yes.”

“Tell me I’m not like him.”

“You’re not.”

“Not even when...?”

“Not even then.”

“You’re sure?”

“Absolutely.”

Suddenly, the garden was bathed in light pouring from the kitchen window. It was only then Lily could see the anguish in his eyes.

“Lil, what if – what if I’m always poor?”

She wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the question but knew it would upset him. “Severus, if hard work and talent are anything to go by you will end in being the richest man in the world.”

“Lily please, I’m being serious here.”

“And so am I.”

“What if it’s not enough? What if I end up never leaving Spinner’s End, can never provide for...” He stopped, his eyes darting towards the house, and unconsciously pulled another branch from the tree.

It was then Lily realized what it was he was truly asking her. “Then I’ll still love you.”

He still looked doubtful. So she took a step forward, pulled the twig from his hand and wrapped her arms around him. “Sev, I don’t care if you live in a cardboard box next to a motorway, you’ll still be my absolute favourite person in the world.”

He pressed a kiss on her crown and muttered “Thank you, angel.”

“Umm hmm.” She muttered contentedly and snuggled closer.

The light in the kitchen flashed as someone passed in front of the window and Lily wondered briefly if her sister was watching them. The sound of raised voices made her dismiss that idea. In her arms, Severus flinched as the voices rose and became more strident and Lily sought for a way to distract him. Leaning back, she reached up and touched the ponytail at the base of his neck. “Am I allowed to ask why you did this?”

Severus shrugged lightly. “I thought it would make me look slightly more respectable.”

She cocked her head to the side and studied him intently, slightly distracted by the touch of his fingers trailing up and down her back. “I don’t like it.” She gasped as a shiver ran up her spine.

“I rather hate it myself.” He confessed huskily.

Lily began to gently pull the bobble from his hair. “Then let’s get rid of it shall we?”

“Hmmm.”

His eyes were boring into her and Lily felt her knees weaken. How did he do that? The garden suddenly plunged into darkness as someone inside stopped in front of the window. She wrapped her arms around his neck and rose up on her toes.

“We’re being watched.” Severus whispered, even as his lips caressed hers.

“Then maybe we should show them how it’s done.”

“That would be very wicked of us wouldn’t it?”

She smiled against his mouth. The feel of his breath against her lips caused her pulse to quicken. “I’m in the mood to be a little wicked.”

 A rumble started deep in Severus’ chest, transforming into a moan as Lily skilfully teased his mouth open with her tongue. She had no doubt that if her sister was watching them her hawk-like eyes would not fail to see Severus’ tongue entwined with hers. Lily gave her own moan of appreciation as his right hand ran up her neck, trying to angle their heads so that he could get even closer and deepen the kiss.

Shakily she took a step backward, wanting to keep a little distance between them for the moment. Severus obviously had other ideas, even as she moved back he took his own step forward, pulling her even closer. Unable to resist any longer, Lily dropped one hand to his bum and with the other began to pull his shirt out from the waistband of his trousers. He trembled as her hand brushed his bare flesh.

In the back of her mind, Lily wondered if her sister was still watching or if she had run for their mother. Perhaps Severus had the same idea because he continued to urge her backward. She didn’t have the slightest idea what he was doing and almost didn’t care. What she did care about was the way his breath hitched as she slid a finger under the waistband of his pants, and caressed the flesh at his waist.

Still the way he was fumbling behind her was starting to become slightly distracting, and she was at the point of stopping and asking him just what in hell he was doing when she heard a creak and he propelled them both into the shop. He impatiently pushed the door to with his foot, his lips never once leaving hers. The fervency of the kiss increased as Lily slipped her hand into his underpants and grasped his bum. She thought she heard the back door open and had the fleeting thought that maybe they should stop. But at that moment Severus’ hand cupped her breast and she ceased to care about anything but the two of them and this moment.


	42. Glimpses

After the party, the days flew by so rapidly Lily was left feeling slightly dazed. The whirlwind had begun the morning after Vernon’s visit when her mother had knocked on her door and asked her to come down to the kitchen so they could talk. Lily scrambled into her clothes, wondering if her mother had actually seen how amorous she and Severus had been the night before.

Until that very moment Lily had been certain the only people to see them were Vernon and Petunia and that was assuming the other couple had paused their rowing long enough to notice anything. Of course, she had been a little distracted herself and so hadn’t noticed when the fighting had stopped exactly, only becoming aware of the silence when the acrid smell of a cigar enveloped the garden. She might have even missed that if Severus hadn’t broken away mid-snog to have a coughing fit. Luckily, Vernon and Petunia seemed to wrapped up in their reconciliation to notice the hacking coming from the shed.

As she bounded down the stairs Lily wondered briefly if her sister’s resolution not to kiss her fiancé until their wedding had been discarded last night. She giggled silently to herself at the thought. It cheered her enough she decided she wasn’t especially concerned about what her mother would say if she had seen Lily and Severus’ snogging session. At worst she would tell them to slow down and think carefully before they did anything they weren’t ready for.

Her confidence faltered a fraction when she opened the door to the kitchen and saw both her mother and sister sitting at the table. She anxiously scanned her memory, trying to remember when her hands had started straying. She could only hope it was after Severus had moved them into the workshop. Her mother’s cheery greeting caused her to instantly dismiss her fears.

“Good morning, mum.” Lily returned cheerfully, before nodding in her sister’s general direction and taking her customary seat. She was just pulling a bowl of porridge forward when Severus shuffled sleepily into the room.

The chair made a horrendous screech as he pulled it across the tile and they all winced. “Sorry,” he muttered as he dropped down and pulled the coffee pot towards him.

“Well, now we’re all here we can get down to business.” Violet pulled a pad towards her and uncapped a pen. “The wedding – I will be going to pick out a present for Cris and Honoria today and thought we could clear up any remaining errands at the same time. Severus when is the last fitting for your suit?”

Severus swallowed down a forkful of eggs hastily before answering. “Tomorrow morning.”

“And have you any idea when it will be ready to be picked up?”

“No, but Cris said he would collect mine along with his before he went out to the country.”

“Best to confirm that.” Violet scribbled a sentence on her pad. “And you have everything else that you need?”

“I – think – so.” Severus stated, clearly running down a list in his mind.

“You’re certain, you don’t need new shoes or socks?”

“No.”

“And you have a couple of nice pocket handkerchiefs?”

“Umm.” Severus frowned and shot a glance at Lily who shrugged in reply.

Another note was scribbled on the pad before Violet looked and gave the boy across from her an encouraging smile. “And how is the speech coming?”

Severus shifted uncomfortably in his chair, eyes fixated on the eggs he was spearing. “I’m still working on it.”

“If you need help let me know.”

Severus nodded in reply, not bothering to look up. Violet’s forehead wrinkled in concern before she turned her attention to her daughters. It took very little time for the women to ascertain a major shopping excursion was an absolute necessity.

That trip became one of only two clear memories Lily had of the week and a half following. Perhaps it was because the picture of Severus buried under parcels, coats and handbags, looking more than a little uncomfortable, was a hard image to shake. Still he had behaved marvellously, never once complaining or pulling out the book Lily knew was hidden somewhere on his person. He had even been tactful with his opinions on the numerous frocks and shoes that were paraded before him.

What she remembered the most was walking through the shops, his hand firmly entwined in hers and every once in a while, when he thought no one was watching he would smile down at her. It was a smile of such complete happiness that every time he did it she felt her heart skip a beat. Her heart had filled even more when she saw an old woman smile at them nostalgically, as if they had received a blessing from the universe. Her contentment had survived long after the packages had been emptied.

It was a feeling she sincerely wished she could pass on to Severus. He had returned home after his final fitting with two sacks filled to the brim with library books. Now every time Lily passed the door of his room he had his nose glued to one of the volumes or was frantically scribbling on bits of paper he ultimately rejected and threw to the floor. Lily knew her mother had offered to help Severus with his speech again but he had stubbornly refused. The set of his face when he told Violet no convinced Lily it would be a waste of time to offer any help of her own.

She restlessly refolded a top for what felt like the hundredth time. It had been in the back of her mind for weeks now to write a speech of her own, just in case it turned out Severus needed some help after all, but something had always stopped her. Maybe it was because, in her heart, she felt it would be tantamount to saying to Severus she thought he was incapable of writing one little paragraph all by himself.

A knock on the door pulled her out of her reverie. “Lil are you busy?” asked Severus, peering around the edge of the door.

“No, not really.”

“I was wondering if you could look this over and tell me what you think.”

Lily smiled and reached out her hand for the pad he was holding. “Is it your speech?”

“Yeah.” He sat down on the bed, tight with tension.

Lily was instantly reminded of their first week at school when Severus had asked Lily to read his first Charms assignment. That essay had been brilliant; unfortunately she couldn’t say the same about the words she was now reading. With each sentence her heart sank a bit more. Maybe she should have written that back-up speech. Next to her, Severus looked so nervous, so hopeful, she knew she didn’t have it in her to tell him how bad the toast really was.

“Well?”

“It’s – a good start.”

“Start? That’s meant to be the final version.” He took the pad from her hand and ripped the top sheet off. “Back to the drawing board I guess.” He crumpled up the paper, tossing it into the rubbish bin.

“Don’t do that!” Lily chided, crossing the room to pull the paper out of the bin. “I meant it, this is a good start. We just need to tweak it a little bit and I know what a fan you are of tweaking things.” She gave him a little wink and was happy to see a smile flit across his face in response.

Sitting back down on the bed, she pulled the pad from his hand and grabbed a pen from her bedside table while saying. “I think the main problem is this speech sounds a little forced, like you copied it from a book or something.”

“What did you think I was going to do?”

“I don’t – I suppose I should have figured. Still there are good bits here.”

“Are there?”

“Yes – this line is really nice.” Said Lily, pointing at the last sentence.

Severus blushed slightly. “I wrote that one.”

Lily laughed lightly. “See you’re better than you think you are. So all we have to do is tap into the part of you that wrote this line and you’ll have the best speech ever.”

It took three hours, half a tablet of paper and countless thumbing of the thesaurus before Severus left her room with a speech he was happy with. Lily yawned widely; surprised at the amount of energy it had taken to write one short paragraph. Still it had been worth it to see Severus looking more relaxed and confident. Smiling to herself, she fumbled for the light, falling asleep before her head hit the pillow.

Morning and the knock on her door came far too quickly. “Lil, Vi says we have to be on the road in an hour.”

Lily mumbled and pulled the pillow over her head.

“Lils.” The door opened slowly and she felt the bed sag. “Angel, you have to get up now.”

“What time is it?”

“Almost eleven.”

Lily threw the pillow from her head and sat bolt upright. “Are you kidding?”

Severus shook his head in response.

“Why didn’t anyone wake me sooner?”

“Vi tried but you were so sound asleep she didn’t have any luck.”

“Bullocks, I really needed to wash my hair.”

Severus laughed. “You have an hour not ten minutes. Go wash your hair and I’ll take your things downstairs.”

“Would you really?”

“Of course, just show me what you’re taking.”

“That.” Lily waved her hand at the pile in the corner.

“Just the bag on top?”

“No, all of it.”

Severus’ eyes grew large. “Lily, we’re only going for two days!”

“I know, but I need a dress for tonight and night clothes and – You know, at this rate I’ll never get in the bath.”

“Go, I’ll figure it out.”

“Thank you.” Lily paused on the way out of the room to give him a quick peck on the lips. “You’re a Prince.”

“No, just half of one.”

Lily couldn’t help but laugh in response. She was still cheerful when she arrived downstairs. Severus, on the other hand, was anything but, and understandably so since he was trying to cram what looked to be a small shop’s worth of baggage into the car. From the way he was glancing up and down the street she knew he was contemplating using magic to accomplish the task.

“You don’t want an owl today.” She whispered, touching his arm lightly and nodding to the man watering his lawn at the end of the street.

Severus sighed and looked at the pile next to him. “Is all of this really necessary? Because I don’t think there’s a snowball’s chance in hell it’s all going to fit.”

“Let me talk to mum and Tuney and see what I can do.”

Severus nodded and went back to pondering the boot.

Forty-five tumultuous minutes later the foursome piled into the car.

“Everyone set then?” asked Violet with forced cheerfulness.

“Yes.” Lily responded with an equally strained amount of exuberance.

Next to her, Severus grunted, nursing his jammed forefinger. Petunia didn’t even bother to answer from her spot in the front seat. Violet sighed heavily and shifted the car into gear. They hadn’t driven very far when Severus abruptly dropped his hand and muttered, “bugger, the rings.”

“What about them?” asked Violet a bit distracted, as she looked for a break in traffic.

“I think I left them back at the house.”

“Are you sure?” Lily queried.

Severus gazed blankly at the seat back in front of him. “Pretty. The last place I remember seeing them is on top of my dresser.”

“There’s nothing for it then, we’ll have to go back.” Violet asserted looking over her shoulder. Next to her Petunia mumbled under her breath. What she said Lily couldn’t hear, but clearly her mother did because she snapped, “Severus is just as entitled to make a mistake as anyone else.”

Severus hastily spoke up. “I’m sorry, Violet.”

“It’s fine, Sev.” She assured him as she swung the car around. “I know you’ve been under quite a bit of stress the last few weeks. I’m certain packing the car this morning didn’t help at all.”

“It wasn’t a problem.”

Violet smiled “Well, you did an amazing job.”

Lily had to agree. While it was true the four of them were packed into the car like sardines, with boxes and suitcases crammed in around them, not a single thing had been left behind, except the rings apparently.

Severus had the door open and was practically out of the car before Violet had even parked. Lily watched as he unlocked the door and disappeared inside the house.

“We’re going to be late.” Petunia grumbled.

“Severus is the only one of us who needs to be there by any particular time, and the rehearsal doesn’t start for several hours yet so we should be fine.” Her mother soothed.

Petunia let out a huff, folded her arms and flung herself against the seat back. “Vernon doesn’t know anyone. What if he gets there before us?”

“Then I’m certain Cris will take care of him.”

“Mum…” Petunia began to whine.

Quickly, Lily cut her off. “I think I’m going to go inside and help Sev look for the rings.” She slid out of the car, not pausing to see if either of the other two people responded. She practically ran into the house wondering how she would get through the hour and a half long drive to the Halls. Pushing the thought from her mind she called for Severus.

“Up here.”

Entering his room, she saw Severus on his hands and knees looking under the bed. “Any luck yet?”

“No.” He answered, dropping the spread back into place.

Lily looked around the room thoughtfully “Did you look in the dresser drawers?”

“No.” He rose to his feet and pulled open the top drawer, rifling through its contents.

After a moment’s hesitation, Lily crossed to the bed and began to throw the pillows to the ground.

“What are you doing?” Asked Severus slamming one drawer shut and yanking open another.

“I thought you might have made the bed over them.”

“Maybe.” He affirmed though he looked doubtful.

“Could you have put them somewhere else?”

“Like where?” Severus asked as he pushed yet another drawer closed.

Her eyes fell on the piece of furniture by the bedside. “The cabinet.”

Severus didn’t bother to look up from the drawer he was pulling open. “They’re not there.”

“Did you look?”

“No.”

“Then how do you know?” And without waiting for an answer Lily scrambled over the bed.

“Lily don’t!” Severus exclaimed as her hand grasped the pull and slid the drawer open.

Instantly her gaze fell on a small, circular box. “What’s this?” she asked picking it up.

Quicker than lightening, Severus grabbed the box from her hand, shoved it in the drawer and slammed it shut.

“Sev.”

“It’s nothing.”

“You’re absolutely certain that the rings weren’t in that box?”

“Yes.”

“Because it looked like…”

“Lil, I’ve had that box since I was five believe me, I know what’s in it.”

“What _is_ in it?”

“Something that belonged to my gram.” He answered evasively.

If Lily hadn’t been curious before she definitely was now. She resolutely pushed her interest to the back of her mind but not before deciding to solve the mystery someday. For now, the important thing was to locate Crispin’s wedding rings. She took another look around the room. “Could they have fallen behind the dresser?”

Severus shook his head. “I already looked there.”

Lily let out a frustrated breath while Severus flopped down on the bed. “What am I going to do?” He asked, worry clouding his eyes.

“I – we’ll ask mum, she’ll know what to do.” As if on cue the sound of Violet’s voice calling their names reached her. “Up here.”

In no time at all Violet appeared at the door, face beaming. “I believe you were looking for these.” Her hand unfurled to reveal a small black box.

Severus bounded up from the bed and eagerly grabbed the box from her hand. “Where did you find them?”

Violet smiled at him tenderly. “It suddenly occurred to Petunia that she had picked up a box this morning and when I looked it turned out it was the rings.”

Lily saw fire flash in Severus’ eyes, the kind generally reserved for James Potter or Sirius Black. And she wasn’t alone in catching the look because her mother laid a gentle hand on his arm. “It was an accident. The important thing is they’ve been found.”

Severus nodded curtly but Lily knew he didn’t believe that Petunia’s having the rings was an accident at all. If Violet realised this she didn’t let on, she merely said. “Now that the rings have been found we really need to be on our way.”

Without waiting for an answer, Violet turned and started down the hall.

“Come on.” Lily urged. “If we don’t get going you won’t know what to do tomorrow at the church.”

“I think I can figure out how to stand next to Cris without too much instruction but thanks for the vote of confidence.” He said dryly but Lily noticed his lips curled up slightly.

She laughed softly and gave him a gentle shove. “Since your primary job is to keep Cris calm I think it might be slightly helpful if you were there and not miles away.”

“You have me there.” And taking her hand in his, he made his way back out of the house.

Having locked the door and pocketed his key he turned towards the car and let out a disgruntled breath. Lily knew exactly what it was he was thinking. Taking her own deep breath, she resolutely pulled him towards the waiting automobile. “Don’t worry, mum will buffer and if it gets too bad you can always pretend to be asleep.”

She gave him a quick wink before climbing in and sliding over. Severus took a deep breath and joined her. It took him only seconds to rearrange the boxes and bags and slam the door shut. “All ready.”

“Are you sure this time?” Petunia questioned caustically.

Severus’ answer was just as brittle. “Yes.”

Lily saw her mother give a slight shake of her head before handing a piece of paper to the passenger seated next to her. “Petunia, you are in charge of navigating.”

Petunia nodded and there was a rustling of paper from the front seat. As her sister began to give her mother directions Lily turned her gaze towards the scene flashing outside the window. Lost in her daydreams she jumped when Severus asked, “Where are we?”

“On our way to the Hall’s.” answered Petunia, sarcasm dripping from each word.

“And how are we getting there exactly?”

“This is called an automobile.”

Lily watched Severus’ jaw clench. “I meant what route are we taking?”

“The M1 of course.”

“Then why didn’t we get on the A6?”

“We did.”

“No, we didn’t.”

“Are you telling me, I don’t know how to read a map?”

“Apparently.”

“Petunia! Severus! That’s enough!” Mrs. Evans snapped.

Severus looked startled by Violet’s tone and shrank back slightly into his seat. “Do you know where we are Sev?”

“No, I only know it’s not the A6. If I could look at the map for a moment I’m sure I could figure it out.”

“I know exactly where we are.” Petunia retorted clutching the map tighter and turning to glare at the man seated behind her.

Severus stared back as determinedly. Just as Lily was starting to wonder where the whole thing would end a ball bounced into the road, followed by a small child.

“Shite!” Violet swore as she jerked the wheel and slammed on the brakes. Lily’s head hit the doorframe as the car came to rest on the side of the road with a shudder. Violet threw a quick glance over her shoulder. “Is he alright?”

“He’s fine.” Severus assured her.

“And everyone else?”

They each declared they were unhurt. Violet smiled in relief before turning to her elder daughter. “Since we’re stopped I think it would be best if I looked at the map.”

“But mum…”

“Petunia, please humour me.”

Petunia grudgingly passed the wrinkled mess of paper over. As Violet meticulously refolded the map Severus shifted several cases and scooted over until he was so close Lily felt as if she was smashed against the door.

“I think we’re about here.” He reached over the back of the driver’s seat and pointed at a small line with his index finger.

Lily didn’t know why but all of a sudden she was feeling overwhelmingly claustrophobic and slightly nauseous. She frantically fumbled with the door handle.

“Lil, are you alright?”

Lily shook her head and instantly wished she hadn’t. “Need air,” was all she managed before falling from the car.

She walked down the small lane in front of her, taking in great, gulping breaths. It didn’t take long for her breath to slow and the queasiness to dissipate. She was starting to contemplate turning around when a flash of bright purple caught her eye. Intrigued, Lily hastened forward, stopping outside of a small wooden gate.

What she saw took her breath away. Stretched out in front of her, was the most glorious garden, better than any she could have ever imagined. There was the most perfect profusion of flowers and shrubs, bird baths and sturdy oak trees and in the middle of it all, ivy climbing up its white walls, was a house straight out of a picture book. Her eyes took in every detail, from the leaded windows to the weathered copper light next to the massive pine door.

“Angel.”

“Hmm.”

“Are you feeling better?”

“Isn’t it stunning?”

“What?”

Lily waved her hand at the scene in front of her. “This, isn’t it the most magnificent thing you’ve ever seen?”

“Umm.”

“Someday I’m going to live in a house like this.”

“Really, you wouldn’t like something bigger, perhaps a little more grand?”

“No, this looks pretty close to perfect to me.”

Severus took a step forward and leaned against the stone wall surrounding the garden. Lily noted with interest he was now wearing both wedding rings on his left hand. The plain, gold band on his ring finger looked captivatingly right. For one fleeting second Lily saw the image of the two of them emerging from this very house, hand in hand. She thought she saw the hint of a baby in Severus’ arms and a toddler clinging to her, but the vision faded as swiftly as it had come.

Lily sighed and looked at the man standing next to her, all his attention focused on the prospect in front of him. “So, what would make it perfect, just out of curiosity?”

“Thatch.”

Severus let out a resounding laugh before taking her hand and tugging her back down the lane. “Don’t you think thatch would be a monumental pain in the arse?”

“No, I think it would be charming. Besides, how much trouble could it be for a witch or wizard?”

“More than it would be worth I don’t doubt.” He retorted as he climbed into the car.

Lily threw one last, longing look over her shoulder before joining him.

The rest of the journey passed amiably enough, perhaps because each of the passengers seemed lost in their own thoughts. For Lily the time was taken up with her imaginings of the house in the garden. By the time her mother eased onto the drive, she had furnished the entire imagined interior, right down to matching wingchairs in front of the drawing room fire. Her mind was starting to wonder what baby Evans-Snapes would look like when her sister gasped.

Lily blinked and looked up, but could see little as yet. Impatient, she leaned across the seat, rolling down Severus’ window to get a glimpse. She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting of the Hall’s country house but it certainly wasn’t anything this grand. In fact, the term house was an understatement; enormous mansion seemed a much better description. Even her mother appeared to be awed, slowing the car until it was barely creeping through the gravel.

Thankfully, they all seemed to have recovered their composure by the time they rolled to a stop. At least there was no hesitation as the group unpacked their belongings, though if pressed Lily would have admitted to being intimidated as she stood there, bags in hand, waiting for someone to make the first step towards the door.

It was Severus who moved first, hefting his new suitcase up and looking as steely eyed as he had when he had first entered Hogwarts. Determined not to be outdone, Lily took a deep breath in and mounted the stairs side by side with her mother. Behind her, she could hear Petunia’s steps in the stones.

Lily’s courage faltered slightly as she entered the foyer. If anything it was even grander than the outside. She had always known Cris and May were well off but the enormous staircase rising three stories to a grand dome brought home how rich they really were. Her eyes darted around the circle wondering where all the numerous doors led to.

“You’re here, at last!” A voice called out from above.

Not surprisingly, Crispin stood at the head of the staircase, beaming down at them. “I was starting to wonder what had happened to you.” He said, bounding down the steps. Having reached the bottom, he pulled them each into a bone crushing hug.

Violet gave a little oof as he hugged her before explaining about their late start and the small detour “But we’re here now, bag and baggage.”

“That’s a bit of an understatement.” Severus muttered looking pointedly at the mound of luggage heaped at their feet.

The laugh that had started to burble out of Crispin died as he looked at his best man. He let out a long breath, picked up Violet’s suitcase and started back towards the staircase. “I’m afraid we have a little bit of…”

“Is Vernon here yet?” Petunia cut in.

“No, not yet.”

Violet gave her daughter an impatient look before turning back to the boy at her side. “What were you saying Cris?”

“Well, there’s a little bit of an issue with the rooms. The Elsworths decided to attend at the absolute last minute. Victoria absolutely insisted they stay here, I assume because Mark is the man du jour. Of course, because of that he and his wife couldn’t possibly share a room. Anyway, the point is, we’re now two rooms short.”

“Cris, I told you, I would be happy to stay at the inn.”

“There isn’t any room left. Besides, I think I have come up with a solution that will work for everyone.” He stated as he swung open a door. After they all filtered into the room Crispin turned and looked at them hopefully. “My idea was Petunia and Lily could share this room, and Vi right through here is a dressing room.” He crossed the room and opened yet another door. “I know it’s not big but…”

Lily hadn’t the slightest idea what Cris was on about since this dressing room was larger than her bedroom back home. Violet glanced around the room and smiled. “It looks lovely.”

Relief flooded Crispin’s face once again but promptly slid off as he turned towards Severus. “Good – wonderful – so that leaves – um – the thing is…”

Lily had never seen Crispin look so uncomfortable, not even when he was telling her and Severus about his neglected childhood. Even more oddly, he appeared to be unwilling to look his friend in the eye. Lily gave her boyfriend a gentle nudge hoping he would understand her prodding. Luckily, Severus seemed to be perfectly in tune with their silent language because he smiled and said a little dryly. “Let me guess, I’m in a broom cupboard somewhere.”

“It’s not quite that bad, but you will have to share with someone.”

“That’s no problem. I sleep in a dorm most of the year anyway. Just stuff me in any spare corner and I’ll be fine.”

Crispin’s gaze fell to the floor and he muttered out the next sentence so quickly Lily wasn’t certain she had heard him correctly. “The only spare corner requires you to share with Vernon.”

Lily counted at least a dozen heartbeats before there was any response to the statement. Slowly Severus let out a long breath and then stuttered “I – I’m – I – sod it…” The last part was whispered so lowly Lily was certain she was the only one who had heard it. Though none of them missed the dark-haired boy retreating back into the main bedroom.

Crispin’s face was filled with regret as he followed the receding figure “Sev…”

Lily guessed, like herself, her mother had heard at least part of the conversation Severus had had with Cris after the disastrous dinner party. No one who had heard even a word of the telephone call could have doubted the younger man’s hurt and anger over the assumptions that had been made about him. Violet was clearly shifting into damage control mode as she too entered the large blue and gold bedroom.

“Crispin, dear I’m not certain that’s the best idea.”

“I’m sorry, Vi but I can’t think of any others.”

“Hmm.” Violet intoned as she sat down on the bench at the end of the bed. Her green eyes stared unseeingly across the room. It was some time before she spoke again. “I think the best option would be for Lily and I stay in here. Severus, you can sleep in the dressing room and Petunia and Vernon can share the other room.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Lily could see how appalled her sister was by this new plan. “Mother, I am not comfortable with the idea of sharing a room with Vernon before we are married.”

Violet let out a breath but seemed unsurprised by her eldest daughter’s reaction. “Then Vernon can sleep in the dressing room, you will be in here with me and Lily and Severus will share.”

It was now Lily’s turn to be shocked and clearly so was Severus because he took a shaky breath in and grasped her hand.

“I hardly think that would be appropriate,” protested Petunia.

“Then what do you suggest, Tuney?”

“Perhaps Severus could stay in Crispin’s room.”

“That would only work tonight.” Crispin assured her.

“Tomorrow he can use the room Honoria is using tonight.”

Cris shook his head in response. “She’s in with her parents.”

Petunia looked around the room frantically, clearly searching for another idea. “May! Lily can stay in May’s room.”

“Alex is in there.”

By now Petunia looked to be on the verge of a major meltdown, while her mother merely looked weary and exasperated. “Petunia, you have a choice to make, either you and Vernon share a room or Lily and Severus do.”

Lily looked at her sister, waiting for a reply but Petunia appeared to have lost the power of speech. The pause stretched out, next to her Severus became so still she had to wonder if he were still breathing. At long last, Violet shook her head “Fine, Lily, Severus it is obviously better for the two of you to share. Now, if no one minds, I am going to have a bit of a lie down.”

For a moment worry creased Cris’ brow, but as Violet looked up at him his forehead relaxed and he smiled. “Drinks are at seven and dinner is at eight. If you need anything ring and someone will come right up.” Cris bent down to hug Violet and whispered, “thank you for coming.”

“Cris, I wouldn’t have missed this for anything.”

Crispin gave her one last, wistful smile before leaving the room. Lily and Severus followed him back down the long corridor, past more doors than she could count. “Do you think we’ll get there today?” Severus whispered.

Lily stifled a laugh just as Crispin stopped in front of the last door in the hallway. “This is the two of you then.”

Though she tried, Lily was unable to suppress her gasp at the sight of the gold and cream room before her. Swallowing hard, she stepped onto the deep gold carpet. She was so caught up in taking in the ornate marble fire and the sumptuous canopied bed she completely missed what Cris was saying to Severus though she heard the reply.

“Cris, you already told us all of this.”

“I know. Okay, just a few quick things before I leave you to get ready. First, my father would like to speak at dinner and I would prefer to keep the speeches to a minimum so you are off the hook for tonight. Second, Honoria’s a little touchy about anyone knowing about the baby, I don’t see what difference it makes, not like everyone won’t be able to do the maths down the road, still if you could refrain from saying anything, even in private I would appreciate it.”

“No problem.”

“Also, I arranged it so Lily could sit next to you at dinner, I thought you might enjoy yourself more that way.”

“Thank you, Cris.” Lily smiled.

“All right, I’m going to go. I’ll be back in an hour and a half to collect you – Oh, and remember suit and tie tonight.” Cris turned at the door and smiled back at them “You two really lucked out didn’t you?”

Before either of them could answer he sauntered away, leaving them to stare at the closed door. Lily barely caught the whisper of Severus’ voice as he move towards the dresser with his suitcase.

“What was that?”

“Nothing – I was thinking maybe I should take a shower unless you need to get in.”

“No, I have loads of time while you’re gone.” Lily assured him as she removed his suit from the garment bag.

“How is it? Do I need to steam it?” questioned Severus from behind her shoulder.

“No, it’s perfect.”

Lily shivered as he brushed her hair back and dropped a kiss on her neck. “Like you.”

“Sev.”

“Hmm.”

She gasped as his lips trailed from one side of her neck to the other. “I thought you had to get ready.”

“Lils, give me five minutes to enjoy being alone with you.”

“I think I can do that.” Willingly, she turned in his arms.

After he finally broke away to go shower Lily unpacked their bags, pausing for a moment to anticipate Severus’ reaction when he saw her dress for tonight. With a satisfied smile she pulled a book from her bag and flopped onto her stomach on the bed.

“Lils.” Severus popped his head out of the door, blushing slightly. “Can you hand me my trousers?”

Lily glanced up from the paperback. “Sev, I have seen you in your pants before.”

“I don’t – I forgot –” His cheeks flushed a deeper shade of crimson. “Can you get me a pair then?”

She rolled off the bed “I should make you come out and get them.”

Severus didn’t respond, but when Lily turned with the garments she saw a look not dissimilar to the one he had had that night in the Forbidden Forest. Swallowing hard, she passed the clothes to him, but not before she caught a glimpse of his naked form in the mirror behind him. She walked back to the bed slowly, tossing the novel onto the bedside table; somehow she was no longer in the mood for fluffy schoolgirl romances.

Lying on her back, she stared unseeingly at the ornate canopy above her until the bathroom door swung open and Severus stepped out. He was now dressed in dark grey trousers and a white button down. “Where did you put my tie?”

“In the upper left hand drawer.” She answered absentmindedly

“What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing.”

“Really? Because...”

“We’re alone.”

“Yes.”

“And tonight...”

“And tonight –” Severus prodded as he pulled the length of navy fabric from the drawer.

“And – nothing.”

“Lils is there …” A knock on the door cut him off.

“Come in.” Lily called. The words were barely out of her mouth when Crispin entered.

“Sorry, I know I’m early but I didn’t want to sit in the room alone. I would have gone to talk to mum but Vernon’s in there and I didn’t think that would help.” He abruptly stopped the pacing he had begun when he had entered the room and looked anxiously at Severus. “I am doing the right thing aren’t I?”

If Severus was shocked by the question he hid it well. “Cris, I know cold feet are quite normal before a wedding but honestly…” He broke off with a long breath as another knock sounded on the door.

This time Lily went to answer it, determined to tell whoever was on the other side to go away. That was until she saw her mother, looking teary-eyed. “Is Crispin in here?”

“Yes.” Lily stood aside and held open the door.

The two men were still frozen on the other side of the room, though their eyes were now trained on the person entering it instead of on one another. It took Crispin only seconds to start moving. “Is something wrong, mum?”

“No, no. I only wanted to give you boys something.” Sitting down on the bed, she beckoned Severus over. Once both of the boys were on either side of her, she unwrapped the handkerchief she had been holding in her hand. “These were Daniel’s and I was hoping you would each wear one tonight.”

“Mum.” Crispin choked out pulling the woman into an embrace. “Which one do you want, Sev?”

“You pick first, it’s your wedding.”

Crispin nodded and picked up a length of cranberry silk. He quickly pulled off his own tie and looped the fabric around his neck with trembling fingers. Smiling faintly, Violet batted his hands away and expertly tied the knot. Mirroring her mother’s movements Lily just as efficiently tied a Windsor knot in the grey silk that now adorned Severus’ neck.

“You both look so handsome, so grown up. I don’t know where time goes.” Violet shook her head slowly. Then she briskly wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled. “Now off with you, before you miss the rehearsal.”

Each man paused to give the elder woman a hug as they left the room. Severus halted briefly to give Lily a kiss and whisper that they would talk about whatever was bothering her later.

After her mother left, Lily ran a bath and tried to figure out what she would say when Severus invariably asked her to explain what had been troubling her. How could she possibly tell him about all the feelings fluttering through her? The anticipation, the excitement, and above all the fear that tonight they would go beyond snogging. Were they ready for that after such a short time together? Was she ready at all? These were questions she had no answers to.

Her head was starting to pound, so Lily pushed the thoughts away, climbed from the bath and set about getting ready. After experimenting with several different options she finally settled on arranging her hair into a simple French twist. Before applying the lightest touch of makeup, and spraying on a hint of perfume before going back to the bedroom to slip on her dress.

The silk lining felt marvellous as it skimmed over her body.  For a moment she was drawn back to the previous summer when May had forced the frock upon her. Lily smiled mischievously to herself remembering the look in Severus’ eyes that day. Maybe the gown wasn’t the best choice considering how uncertain she was about taking their relationship to the next level but at the same time there was a part of her that longed to see that look again.

With a sigh, she crossed to the wardrobe and pulled out the simple black dress she had brought just in case she lacked the courage to wear the green one. She stared at the black frock for a long time unable to make a decision. A glance at the clock assured her she didn’t have much time left before she was meant to be downstairs. She shoved the black dress back into the wardrobe, quickly she slid into a pair of strappy sandals and grabbed her bag from the bed before she could change her mind.

Lily opened the door cautiously and glanced down the hall, hoping she would somehow remember the directions Crispin had given her to the ballroom. Perhaps she should find her mother first, after all that doubled the chances they wouldn’t end up lost in this maze of a house. Now confident, she walked briskly down the hall, counting doors as she went and trying to recall how many there were between her room and her mother’s.

Having reached what she believed was the correct door Lily knocked smartly, hoping her mother and sister hadn’t already gone downstairs. There were several long moments of silence before she heard the sound of footsteps crossing the room. The smile on her lips faltered when she saw an unidentified man standing in front of her.

“I’m sorry; I must have the wrong room.”

“Who is it darling?” called a comfortingly familiar voice.

“It’s me!” Lily replied.

“Lily!” May bustled towards the door with a bright smile on her face. “Did you get lost?”

“A little.”

“You’re two doors down on the left.”

“Actually, I’m down that way” Lily waved her hand towards the opposite end of the house. “With Sev. I was looking for Mum, so we could go down together.”

May looked puzzled “I thought Severus was sharing a room with Dursley.”

“Change of plans.”

“Probably prudent.”

Lily nodded. “Well, I guess I should go meet mum.”

“I actually think I heard them go down earlier.” The man supplied from somewhere inside the room.

“Never mind, come in and the three of us will go down just as soon as I’m finished.” May turned. She hadn’t gone more than a few steps when she pivoted back around and said with a laugh. “Where on earth are my manners?”

Smiling she walked back towards them. “Alex this is Lily Evans, my absolute best friend. Lily this is Alexander Fairfield, Viscount Warrington.”

A smile shined in the bright violet eyes as the man held out a hand. “Please call me Alex.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you at last, Alex.” Lily stated as she took the pro-offered hand in her own.

“Likewise. I’ve heard much of you. And where is the famous Severus?”

May gave Alex a gentle shove. “Silly, he’s at the rehearsal with Cris or at least that’s where he’s meant to be.”

“Speaking of rehearsals why…” At sight of the barest shake of Alex’s head Lily changed course. “Are they having it so late?”

May seemed unperturbed by the strangeness of the question. “Who knows.”  She said, fastening a necklace on. “There, finished. Now let’s go get a glass of wine before Honoria’s freeloading relatives drink it all.”

As she moved across the room Alex caught her around the waist, leaned down and whispered in her ear. May’s eyes fluttered shut for the briefest of moments. “I know, just keep reminding me of that.”

“Certainly.” The one word came out as a caress and that was all it took for Lily to see how happy and comfortable this particular couple were with one another.

May plastered a determined smile on her face and the two strode from the room. Lily hurried to catch up with them and was grateful she did because there was no possible way she would have found her way to the ballroom on her own.

The room hummed with the sounds of laughter, tinkling glass and idle chatter. She swiftly scanned the room, looking for her mother, her sister, anyone at all who looked vaguely familiar.

“Daunting isn’t it?” Alex whispered with a smile.

“Who are all these people?”

Alex shook his head and laughed, watching as May crossed the room, several glasses in her hands. May handed Lily one of the glasses of wine and began introducing her to so many people Lily honestly couldn’t keep them all straight. It wasn’t long before May was drawn into a conversation with a family friend, and Alex drifted off to find a loo. Lily was left on her own, talking to a man whose name she couldn’t remember, a man who, from the smell of him, had had more than a little to drink and was slowly closing in on her.

She was in the middle of surreptitiously looking for an escape route when she felt a hand land lightly on her back and a voice whisper “Did you miss me?”

Lily turned and beamed gratefully up at the man behind her. “I always miss you when you’re gone.” Still smiling she turned back to drunken man and said, “this is my boyfriend, Severus Snape. Sev, this is...”

“Reginald Cottonwaite.” Slurred the man.

“A pleasure, I’m sure.” Replied Severus in a voice that let Lily know it was anything but. “Lily, we should really find our seats for dinner.”

“Of course, dearest. Mr. Cottonwaite it was – interesting.”

Lily gave a relieved breath as they walked away, one that caught in her throat as soon as she heard the booming voice behind her call out. “How did a bloke like you get a bird like that?”

Severus’ jaw clenched convulsively. She quickly laid a gentling hand on his arm but he turned anyway, the polite farce of a smile fixed on his lips. Before he could say one word Lily calmly said, “by being an amazingly intelligent, caring man – Come on, Sev.” Tugging his arm, she led him towards the opposite end of the room. “Forget it,” she whispered.

“Everyone will ask the same thing when we get back to school.”

“I’ll give them the same answer and maybe throw in how much I love you. Or...” she smiled at him mischievously “I could just tell them what a fantastic kisser you are.”

“Lils.”

“Are you blushing?”

“No.”

“Are too.”

Severus shook his head. “Have I told you how stunning you look?”

“You’re changing the subject.”

“Who me? Anyway, I mean it.”

Lily smoothed a hand down her dress, trying to ignore the nasty look her sister gave her as they passed by. “Really, because I wasn’t sure if it mightn’t be to...”

“To?”

“Revealing.”

Severus gave a chuckle and pulled out her chair. “No, I think you look perfect.”

“Yes, well you’re biased.”

“I also happen to be right.” Lily opened her mouth to reply but Severus placed a finger to his lips “– Shh, speeches are starting.”

The speeches lasted so long Lily began to wonder if they were ever going to end. She gave a small sigh and speared the piece of fluff that was meant to serve as pudding. Severus had hardly eaten anything because he was clearly desperately trying to properly fulfil his role as best man and remain attentive. She also knew he was failing miserably because his leg was shaking non-stop under the table.

At long last, Crispin’s cousin sat down. Lily waited for the next interminable speech to begin and could almost hear the room’s collective sigh when no one else stood up and the band began to play. Cris and Honoria were all smiles as they spun out onto the floor to open the dancing.

“Aren’t they supposed to wait until tomorrow to do that?” asked Severus.

Lily shrugged her shoulders and watched as more couples took the floor. “What was that?” She asked in response to Severus’ mumbling.

“Do you want to?” He asked jerking his head towards the middle of the room.

“Do you know how to dance?”

“Yes, I know how to dance.”

“Alright then.” Lily followed Severus out towards the dance floor slightly amused by how peeved he had sounded at her question. Amusement soon gave way to shock as he wrapped an arm around her waist and expertly twirled her out into the crowd. “You really can dance.”

“I told you I could.”

“But where, how, who?”

Severus smiled. “My mother taught me.”

“Really?”

“Mmm hmm, mum loves to dance.”

“But this is,” her voice dropped to a whisper “a muggle dance.”

He chuckled as he skilfully dipped her. “Doesn’t matter to her.”

Lily was secretly surprised Eileen Snape would feel that way about anything to do with the muggle world.

“Besides wizarding dances tend to be very stately and sedate.”

Lily giggled as Severus moved smoothly into a swing dance that was anything but stately and sedate. “I’m impressed. You’re like-” she paused as he spun her out and then back in again, “Fred Astaire.”

“I don’t think I’m that good.”

“You really are – and shame on you for keeping such a secret from me.” Lily chided as they applauded the band.

Severus smiled half bashfully, half smugly and prepared to take her in his arms again. “Can I cut in?” a voice asked.

“I suppose since you’re the groom I have to let you.”

Lily watched as Severus shuffled off and claimed a girl she’d never seen before. “Who’s that?”

Cris turned her to see who Lily was talking about. “Oh, that’s Eleanor, one of the bridesmaids. Sev’s quite the talent on the dance floor isn’t he?”

“Yes, he is.”

“That man is a source of constant amazement.” Crispin stated with a shake of his head.

Lily laughed in agreement and the two of them were soon swapping stories of all the ways Severus had surprised them over the years. After that Lily was passed from one set of arms to another, dancing with everyone from Alex to Mr. Hall to Old Uncle Alfie, who regaled her with stories about the Great War. She was more than a little entertained by the feistiness of the 90 year old.

Reginald Cottonwaite was just bearing down on her when Severus appeared out of nowhere and danced her away. She admittedly stifled a laugh at the crestfallen look on the man’s face. “Did you miss me?” She asked peering up.

“Undoubtedly. You are one of only three human beings I have danced with all night,”

“And who are the other two?”

“May and your mother.”

“Where is Mum? I haven’t seen her in ages.”

“She was feeling tired so I took her upstairs,”

Lily felt worry crease her brow, it wasn’t like her mother to leave such an important occasion early. Maybe Cris was right and there was something wrong. Lily made a mental note to keep a closer watch on her mother in this last month before they went back to school.

“And what about the bride, is she not human?”

“Couldn’t get near her.”

Lily followed the direction of Severus’ gaze and saw Honoria surrounded by a pack of men, not one of whom was her fiancé. In fact, Crispin was on the completely opposite side of the room talking to a girl Lily had noticed sitting on her own in the corner all night, it was trademark Cris.

Lily shook her head slightly and let out a sigh as her gaze wandered past her sister and Vernon Dursley. Vernon’s face was a violent shade of puce, his fist banging on the table as Petunia nodded in agreement with whatever he was espousing on to Uncle Alfie. Thankfully, Severus steered them away before Lily could catch any of the conversation.

As he turned them she caught a glimpse of May and Alex slipping out of the French doors to the gardens staring rapturously at each. She gave another sigh and snuggled a little closer into Severus’ chest, savouring the smell of ink that never quite went away. His arms tightened just a fraction as one of his hands moved to bury its self in her hair.

“Happy?” He murmured.

Lily gazed up into the onyx eyes looking down at her, there was no doubting the love in them, and smiled. “I couldn’t be happier.”

 


	43. Coming Clean

Ten minutes left. Severus flipped to the end of the book, mentally calculating how many pages he had left until he was done. Eight, he could still make it. His eyes sped faster down the page, barely distracted by the argument that was clearly happening in the room down the hall. Why in the world did Petunia have to be so whiney?

He quickly turned the page, glancing at the clock out of the corner of his eye. Crap, he wasn’t going to make it after all. Maybe he shouldn’t even try, but he was so close to the end. If only he had five more minutes. If he took the book in the loo he would have the time he needed. Severus marked his place with his forefinger and rolled off the bed.

“Good, I was coming to see if you were ready,” Lily chimed as he opened the door.

Severus sighed, looked down at the page, fixed the last line in his memory and tossed the book back on his bed.

“Are you done?”

“Not quite.”

“Oh, I could go and let you finish.”

“Forget it. I won’t have time before May gets here.”

“I’m sorry, if I hadn’t asked you to help me rearrange my room last night then you’d be done by now.”

“I told you not to worry about it. Besides, I like helping you.” He pulled her close and nuzzled her neck. “In fact, there’s only one thing I like more.”

“Mmm, does that involve a book?” inquired Lily.

“No, it involves you, like all my favourite things.”

“Sev.” Lily blushed and ducked her head as he moved in to kiss her.

Severus frowned slightly at the curtain of red hair obscuring his girlfriend’s face. He never had gotten Lily to tell him what had been bothering her the night of the rehearsal. When he had asked she had said she didn’t remember so it couldn’t have been that important.

Somehow he didn’t quite believe her. The only thing he knew for certain was Lily had become more reserved over the last week or so and part of him was starting to worry. Had he done something wrong he wasn’t aware of? Severus felt the question burbling up in him but then Lily lifted her eyes and beamed at him with such love he felt a fool for fretting.

“You’re such a darling to say so.”

“Am I?”

“Yes,” she whispered softly, and this time instead of dropping her head she lifted her lips to meet his. Lily sighed softly and tapped the tip of his nose with a finger when she leaned back moments later. “We should go downstairs so someone’s there when May gets here.”

“Um-hmm,” he murmured in agreement, though neither of them made the move to break their embrace. In fact, Lily clutched him tighter.

“I love you, Sev.”

“I love you too, Lily.”

“Good.” Her voice sounded stifled and odd against his chest.

Okay, now he knew something was going on. “Lils, have...” From behind Violet’s door came a muffled sob. “Oh for God’s sake, what’s wrong with Petunia now?” He was beyond exasperated and knew it showed in his tone.

Lily pulled her arms away, shook her head and laughed. “Oh, the usual wedding drama.”

“What is it this time?”

“The gown,” Lily stated as she walked down the hall.

“What about it?” Severus caught up to her and grasped her hand firmly in his as they started down the stairs.

Lily stopped and chewed on her lower lip a moment before answering. “Petunia saw this gown on the cover of one of her bridal mags and decided she had to have it. The thing is, the dress is by an American designer, Priscilla of Boston.”

“What difference does that make?”

“She’s a famous designer, the one who made the gowns for the Nixon girls and Grace Kelly’s bridesmaids.”

“Bet that frock costs more than a few quid.”

“Yes, but since Cris has offered to pay for the gown, the real problem is, well – Mum’s wedding gown is actually a Priscilla...”

“How did Violet get a gown from an American designer?”

“Oh, her Aunt Acacia married an American so she sent it as a wedding gift. Anyway, Mum was hoping Tuney would wear it but...”

“She won’t.”

“No, when Mum first mentioned it, Tuney said the dress wasn’t her style.  Now she wants one from the same designer, and an extremely expensive one at that. So Mum’s feelings are hurt.”

“What’s all the whining for then?”

“Well, the thing is, the gown is extremely elaborate. It’s covered in gold embroidered lace and has a five foot long train. Mum thinks it is far too ostentatious for a small church wedding in Cokeworth so she has vetoed this particular gown and because of that Cris said he won’t pay for it. Now Tuney’s trying to persuade Mum to change her mind.”

Bemused, Severus shook his head, and flopped down into a wing chair, pulling Lily onto his lap. “I can’t see what all the fuss is about. Look at Cris and Honoria, they must have spent a fortune on their wedding and Petunia won’t be happy unless she has a do to rival Princess Anne’s. Isn’t the important thing who you’re marrying, rather than what you’re wearing or who does the catering?”

Lily smiled and pressed her forehead to his. “Yes, but some of the fuss is nice.”

“Well, I wouldn’t care. As long as the woman I love is the one standing next to me at the altar, she can wear a potato sack for all it would matter to me.”

“That’s what you say now but you’re too much of a traditionalist not to want the romance of a classic wedding.” This time there was something lingering, almost wistful in the kiss she gave him.

“Lily, are we alright?” he blurted out.

She looked shocked by the question. “Of course we are. I have been thinking – how would you feel if I said I wanted to wait to...”

Annoyance flickered across her face at the sound of movement outside the front door. As she shifted to get up, Severus pulled her closer. “Lily-” Merlin, did he sound panicked.

Lily caressed his cheek, “I promise you, we’re fine. We’re better than fine. I am absolutely, positively, completely in love with you and nothing is going to change that.”

“Then what’s been bothering you?”

“We’ll talk about it later,” she promised, rising from his lap as May came into the room.

Severus knew there was nothing he could do about the situation at the moment. So he plastered a smile on his face and lifted himself out of the chair, crossing the room to give May a hug.

“Hi, Sev.”

“Hi yourself.”

“I’m going to go get Mum and Tuney,” Lily told them, passing through the arch to the hall.

“Is Cris here yet?”

“I didn’t know he was coming.”

“He’s supposed to.”

“This must be some announcement, if you want us all here for it.”

“I guess. Listen, Sev, you will stand by me with this, won’t you?”

“Yes – yes, of course I will,” Severus promised, even though he didn’t have the slightest idea what he was agreeing to. All he knew was May’s face was tight with tension and he wanted to ease some of that anxiety.

He really hoped she wasn’t about to tell them all she was also pregnant because he had a feeling that would go down like a ton of bricks with the family. May was circling the room restlessly, picking up various knickknacks and turning them over in her hand.

Severus couldn’t stand to see her looking so uncomfortable for another second and searched in vain for something to say. “I didn’t see much of you at the wedding.”

“I was trying to avoid the bride.”

“Is that why you weren’t in the wedding party?”

“No, I didn’t get asked. But don’t tell Cris, okay? He thinks I wanted to organize things behind the scenes to help out Honoria.”

Severus sighed. He didn’t want to lie to Cris but he didn’t want to betray May either. Being a brother was certainly turning out to be much harder than he had anticipated.

“How are you and Lily?”

“We’re – good.”

May looked at him searchingly and seemed prepared to ask him a couple of follow up questions when Violet and Lily entered.

“May, Petunia asked to be excused. She’s come down with a bit of a headache and went to lie down.”

“Of course, no problem,” May assured the older woman while giving her a kiss on the cheek.

“So, what did you want to talk to us about?”

“That’s what I was wondering.” The entire group turned to face Cris. He crossed swiftly to his sister and gave her a quick hug and a kiss on the top of her head. There was an obvious strain between the two siblings, one Severus hoped would disappear soon. He didn’t want his adopted family to mirror his other family in any way.

May pulled away and sat down on the sofa. Each of the other people nervously took a seat and then looked at the dark haired girl expectantly.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking this summer, about my life, the future, all those sorts of things. And I’ve decided –” The room held their collective breaths. “I’m not going back to finishing school next month.”

Violet smiled with relief. “That’s fine. Do you think you’ll go to university instead?”

“I – I haven’t figured that out yet.”

Cris frowned and adjusted his seat on the sofa so that he could look at his sister more fully. “What did Victoria and Edmund say when you told them?”

“I haven’t yet.”

“And I take it you’re not planning to marry Alex at the moment.”

“Well, he hasn’t asked, so I’m going to have to say no, not yet.”

Cris rose from the sofa and began pacing. “They’re going to cut you off, you know that, right?”

“Are you saying your parents will throw May out if she refuses to go back to that pointless school?” Lily queried.

“Not just that. May, they’ll take away your allowance, maybe disinherit you all together. ”

“That’s crap!” protested Lily.

“You don’t have to tell me, Lil. But that’s the way they are. Can’t you put up with it for another year May?”

“No. I was miserable all last term,” May choked out. “I can’t go back, I just can’t.”

“What is your plan then, dear?” Violet asked.

“I’ve managed to put away a little bit of money since Christmas. I thought I could do a gap year. Travel or get a little flat somewhere while I figure out what I want to do with my life.”

“May –” Cris sat back down next to his sister. “How much have you saved?”

“About a thousand pounds.”

Cris looked ready to cry as his eyes raced around the room.

“May, I don’t – I know it seems like quite a lot of money but a thousand pounds won’t actually go that far. Sorry.” Severus apologized, knowing with the cost of May’s lifestyle and the amount of travelling she would want to do it wouldn’t last much more than a handful of months.

“I’ll talk to Honoria. We’re going to get a bigger place anyway. So, we’ll just get an even bigger one and you can come live with us.”

“Cris, you only just got married, I don’t want to intrude.”

“And I don’t want my sister to live in some dump of a flat. No, you’ll live with me, Honoria and the baby and we’ll all be happy.”

“What if I want to travel?”

“Then travel. But you’ll still need some place to come home to and that can be with us.”

“And when our parents find out they’ll cut you off too. You can’t afford that, not with university and a baby on the way.”

Severus could see the desperation in May’s eyes at the thought of causing her brother harm or being forced to live with a sister-in-law who didn’t want her. “You can have my room.”

“What?”                                                   

Every head in the room turned towards where he sat on the floor at Lily’s feet. “If it’s alright with Violet, I mean. I wouldn’t mind if May used my room.”

“What about you, Sev?” asked May.

“I’m going back to school in a little less than three weeks, I won’t need it.”

“That’s true,” Violet intoned thoughtfully.

“What about Christmas hols?”

Severus shrugged. “We’ll figure that out when the time comes.”

“May can share my room during Christmas,” Lily offered.

Crispin looked to be at the point of protesting when Violet said, “I would enjoy having the company, since Petunia has been spending so much time with Vernon in Surrey. May being here would make the house feel less – empty.”

Lily shot a worried look at her mother’s face before saying, “It _would_ be nice for Mum to have someone around. So she wouldn’t have to be on her own so much.”

Severus nodded his agreement. Crispin’s face shifted from protest to concern and Severus knew the trump card in this game had been played. Cris had been the first of them to worry about Violet’s seemingly constant fatigue. Fatigue that had only appeared to increase as the summer had progressed.

“Alright, but only if I get to contribute to the household expenses.”

“Cris, you aren’t even going to be living here. Besides, I told you I have money saved.”

“All the same, I would feel better if I helped out. This is my family too.”

Violet smiled. “I think we can see fit to letting you help out, Cris.”

“Good. May, I think it’s best if you wait until you can move in here to tell the ancestors about your decision.”

“Sev and I go back on the first of September, as always.”

“But if you need to be in before that, I can sleep on the sofa or something.”

“Thanks Sev, that’s sweet of you but I think I can wait until after the first. On the plus side that will mean another month’s worth of allowance to help out.”

“Don’t you fret at all about the money, May,” Violet reassured her. “Cris, I don’t suppose you can stay for dinner?”

“Certainly I can stay, Mum.”

“Would you like to ring Honoria and ask her to come over?”

“She went to London to see her mother and start buying things for the nursery.”

“Well, I can hardly let you go hungry then, can I?”

Crispin smiled at Violet. “I really could use a nice home cooked meal, starting to get sick of take away.”

Violet pursed her lips briefly, then disappeared off towards the kitchen. Meanwhile Crispin turned to face his sister. “Are you sure about this?”

“Absolutely. Plus, I think it would be good if someone was here with mum and Petunia. This wedding business appears to be getting slightly out of hand.”

“Boy, that’s an understatement,” Severus bit out.

“You know, May, I honestly thought you had called us all together to announce your own wedding plans.”

“What on earth gave you that idea, Lily?”

“I thought it too,” Crispin chimed in.

“You’re both crazy. Alex and I have only been together since November.”

“But you went to Italy together and shared a room at the wedding.”

“So did you and Severus, should we be expecting the two of you to march down the aisle in the next few months?”

“We’re still in school! And it was Violet who told us to share.” Supplied Severus.

“Yes, and it was Victoria who had Alex and I share. The original plan was for Severus and Alex to room together.”

“Did you mind it that much?” Cris asked his sister.

“No and yes. I don’t want Alex to feel like I’m being shoved down his throat. I want him to be with me because it’s what he wants.”

“Have you told him about not going back?” Lily wondered.

“Yes.”

“And what did he say?”

“I shouldn’t go if I don’t want to – and he’d give me any sort of help I might need.”

“Did you consider living with him? – What?” Severus asked in response to the angry look he was getting from Cris, “It’s an option.”

“A bad one.”

“Oh Cris, stop being such a prat – I don’t think Alex’s family would approve of us living together before we were married anyway. Why, are you regretting giving up your sanctuary already, Severus?”

“No, I was merely curious.”

“And do you approve of pre-marital cohabitation in general?” May asked.

Severus shrugged. “Under certain circumstances. It’s probably better than marrying the wrong person. If my parents had tried to live together beforehand they might have figured out it would be a complete disaster and not gone through with getting married.”

“Yes, but then we wouldn’t have you, dearest, and that sounds like a disaster to me.”

“I agree with Lil,” seconded Crispin.

“Sounds wretched to me as well. I find I’m quite enjoying having a little brother. Especially one who gives up his room for me.”

“Just keep in mind it’s not forever. Come Christmas you’re out on your arse,” Severus said with mock severity.

“That might be slightly believable if you weren’t such a mush-ball underneath all that bluster.”

“Lily, shhh, someone might hear you and my reputation will be shot.”

“Too late, we all already knew,” Cris countered.

The two girls each nodded their heads in agreement.

“Perfect,” Severus moaned and around him the room burst out into laughter.

The next morning found Severus pacing his room, trying to work up the courage to finally go and demand Lily tell him what was wrong. His heart stopped with the rap on the bedroom door and started again when Violet peaked her head in. “I’m going to the shops. Is there anything that you need?”

“No, I can’t think of anything.”

“Alright, afterward I’m going to pop by the library.”

“Oh, can you return my book?” Severus crossed to his bed and pulled _The_ _Once and Future King_ out of the stack that always rested by its side.

Violet ran her hand over the cover as he passed it to her. “What did you think of it?”

“It was good. Not sure about the whole Merlin living backwards bit but other than that I really liked it.”

“I knew you would. Do you want me to get you anything else while I’m there?”

“No, I can go myself later in the week.”

“Alright, I’ll be dropping Petunia off at the train station at half past. I should be home in plenty of time to start dinner but if I’m not –”

“I’ll take care of it, Vi.”

She smiled and brushed back a lock of his hair. “You certainly are a great help to me, Severus.”

“I try.”

“Well, you do a wonderful job.” Violet stared at him intently for a moment and then asked, “Are you feeling alright, Severus? You’re looking a little peaky.”

He wanted to tell Violet that she was looking a little peaky herself instead he assured her he was feeling fine. Once he heard the front door shut, he opened his door, determined to have it out with Lily while they had the house to themselves, but he shut it again when he heard the shower turn on.

“Perfect,” he muttered to himself, crossing back to bed where he pulled a new book from the pile and threw himself back on the dark brown surface. It had been his intention to listen for the water to turn off, give Lily ten minutes and then go confront her. He never heard the shower shut off and was completely unprepared for the knock on his door.

“Come in,” he called, struggling to sit up so he could have this discussion properly, not doubting for a second who was at the door.

“Severus, do you want to have sex?” Lily asked as she opened the door.

The book slid from his hand and hit the floor. “What? Now?!”

“No! Bugger, I’ve done this all wrong, forget it.”

The door was half closed before he recovered from his shock enough to bound from the bed and reach her. “Wait a bloody minute! You don’t get to ask me something like that and then just leave.”

Lily stared fixedly at the floor and fidgeted with the circle of forget-me-nots on her wrist.

“I think you’d better come in so we can talk about whatever’s been bothering you.” Severus said gently.

She let out a quiet breath, nodded and sat down stiffly on the bed. Severus opened the door the rest of the way and went to sit beside her, trying not to feel hurt when she shifted slightly away from him. “Okay,” he said with a small sigh, “Start at the beginning.”

Lily shook her head, her gaze fixed firmly on the comforter. “I don’t know where – I’m not sure – I’ve been – Oh, bollocks...”

“Come on, Lils, we’re best friends, remember? You can say anything to me.”

Lily looked him dead in the eye and smiled. “You’re right, of course. Sometimes I get so caught up in thinking of you as Sev ‘the boyfriend,’ I forget to think of you as my best friend, Severus.” She paused for a moment. “I didn’t mean to be so – blunt, I guess. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and wasn’t sure how you felt, so I opened my mouth and let _whatever_ fall out.”

“You’ve been thinking about the two of us having sex?”

“Yes.”

“Ohh,” he breathed as the epiphany ran over him. “That it explains it then.”

“Explains what?”

“Why you’ve been so distant this last week or so.”

“Have I been?”

“Yes, a little.”

“I’m sorry, dearest,” she reached out and grasped his hand. “I haven’t meant to be. I’ve been having a lot of trouble trying to sort out my thoughts. Last night, when I talked to May about it, she said I was being silly and I should just tell you how I’m feeling.”

“Sounds like a good idea. So, what _are_ you feeling?”

“I – you know, I don’t think I had honestly thought all that much about it – you and me being together like that – until last week when we were sharing a room.”

She looked up at him, seemingly waiting for a response. The trouble was, he didn’t have the slightest clue what to say. Obviously he had thought about it, countless times, but he wasn’t sure it would help the situation for him to tell her that. When he didn’t reply she hurried on. “And I’m not saying that in a bad way. To be honest, I haven’t thought about going all the way with anyone, before now.”

“Are you saying you want us to make love?”

“No, maybe, oh, I don’t know. On one hand, yes and on the other, no.”

“Okay,” he drawled out slowly. “I think you might have to expand on that a little for me.”

“I – obviously I love kissing you, so much, and that night out in the shed was – phenomenal.” She reddened slightly and he had to fight the urge to grab her and snog the breath out of her right there. “But it’s such a big step and...” By now Lily had turned a furious shade of scarlet.

“And...?” he prodded.

“Well.” Lily moved from his side and began to pace the room. “Everyone says the first time hurts.”

“Who’s everyone?”

“Mary and May.”

“May’s had sex?!”

Lily flapped her hand at him. “Yes.”

“With Alex?”

“Severus, will you please keep on topic?”

“Right. Yes. You, me, sex. Alright, so you’re afraid if we make love it will hurt?”

“Yes, especially since...” she bit her lip and clasped her hands behind her back.

“Since?” he prodded once again.

If he had thought Lily couldn’t blush any more, then he was seriously mistaken. “You seem so big, you know, down there,” she whispered, gesturing towards his lap.

“I seem – Lil, you’ve never even seen me – down there.”

“But I’ve felt it.”

“When?” And what the hell had he been doing that he had missed it?

“When we got off the train last Christmas and then again last week, on the morning of the wedding, I woke up before you and there it was, pressed up against me, and all I could think was there is no way that’s ever going to fit inside of me! I got scared, I admit it.

“And the funny thing is, I had thought about it the night before, while you were at the rehearsal. I spent the whole time I was getting ready trying to decide if I was ready for us to be together that way or not. And then you were so amazing with the dancing and the walk outside afterward and the snogging that night that I thought, what am I so worried about?

“I mean, it’s you and me. What better way to lose your virginity than with your best friend who has turned out to be a dream of a boyfriend? Then I felt you hard and I just couldn’t. And I’m...”

Severus was reeling from everything she had said but not so much so that he couldn’t see Lily was working herself into a state. He quickly rose from the bed and grasped her gently by the shoulders. “Lil, shh, you’re getting yourself all upset.”

“Are you mad?”

“About what?”

“Because I’m not sure I’m ready yet?”

“No.” He shook his head. “No. Come on, let’s sit down, okay?” She looked ready to protest but he stilled her with a finger pressed gently to her lips. “You’ve told me how you feel so now let me tell you how I feel, alright?”

“Alright.”

Once they were seated on the bed again he took a deep breath. “Lil, I’m not going to lie to you and tell you I haven’t thought about us making love, because I have.”

“Oh, Sev I’m...”

“Please let me finish. I do want us to have sex – someday, when we’re both ready. Clearly you’re not and that’s okay.”

“Did you want to last weekend?”

Severus laughed lightly. “Truthfully, I was so keyed up about making that stupid toast I didn’t even really think about it.”

“But you were hard.” Lily’s voice lowered to a whisper at the last word.

Severus fought back a smile and shrugged. “I was asleep, it happens, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. That’s not to say if you had asked I would have said no. But Lily, angel, when we do finally make love I don’t want you to regret it and I think if we had been together last weekend, you would have.”

Now she smiled fully at him. “You’re the best, you know that, right?”

“Lil.”

“No, I mean it. Not many men would be as understanding as you. And just so you know, I’m not saying no for forever, just for now.”

“Well, that certainly is a relief,” he said with a smile.

“Sev!” she chided as she gave him a playful shove. “Do you mind if I ask you another question?”

“Of course not, ask away.”

“Have you ever had sex before?”

“No.”

“So you’re still a virgin?”

“Yes.”

“Who else have you kissed besides me?”

He gave a little huff, knowing it was time to come clean. “Anastasia Worthington.”

“When?”

“The start of fifth year.”

“Oh. Anyone else?”

“No. What about you?”

“Well, you already know about Gregg Cross.”

Severus nodded, in his book, the brushing of two lips barely counted as a kiss. Though he did remember feeling a twinge of jealousy when Lily had told him about the incident back in the third year.

“And of course there was James.”

“Of course. So that’s it then?”

“Not exactly. There are two more.”

Severus’ eyes widened, never in his dizziest daydreams had he imagined Lily snogging so many men. He tried not to sound accusatory when he asked; “And who are they?”

“Well, obviously there’s you.”

“Oh, right.” How worked up was he that he had forgotten to include himself in the number? “And the other would be...?”

“Gideon Prewett.”

Severus tried to remember when he had ever seen Lily and Prewett together. His memory search was called to an abrupt halt when Lily blurted out. “I let him put his hand up my shirt.”

“What - When?”

“At Alice’s Christmas party two years ago. He was kissing me and then he put his hand up my shirt. Under the bra, before you ask.”

All Severus could think was he was going to hunt down Gideon Prewitt and hex him into oblivion.

“Wh - why?”

“I - the truth is, I fancied him.” Lily gave a half-hearted laugh. “There it is, James fancied me, so did you apparently and I fancied Gideon.”

“Since when?” He didn’t mean it to sound severe but it did.

Lily shrugged. “The end of third year.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I never thought he’d look at me in a million years. Let alone snog me and - well do what he did.”

He wanted to ask dozens of questions, if she had enjoyed it, if Prewett had done anything else, where the wanker lived so Severus could punch him. Yes, punching would be infinitely more satisfying than hexing at this point. Then Severus remembered he had his own little exploit to share. “Oh Merlin.”

“Don’t be upset. It didn’t mean anything, not like when you do it” Lily assured him.

“Lils, I didn’t only snog Anastasia.”

“Did you put your hands on her breasts?”

“Yes, and...” Now it was his turn to get up and pace. “I – oh crap, Lil, I got her off with my hand.”

“You what?!”

“I gave her a handjob… after she had...”

“Given you one?”

“No, she…went down on me.”

Lily looked like he had hit her. Severus fell to his knees in front of her and grasped her hands. “Lily, we weren’t together then and I promise it meant less than nothing. Angel, please don’t look like that.”

“I can’t believe you did that.”

“I know, it was stupid. All I can say is I was randy and flattered she would want to do that with me...”

“So, if you were so flattered and randy why not just have sex with her?”

“Because I didn’t want to.” She looked at him disbelievingly. “Lil, you have to believe me, that was all that happened between us. I couldn’t have sex with her. I could never make love to anyone but you.” Severus dropped back onto his heels. “And now you’re angry with me.”

“No, I’m shocked and...”

“And?”

“Jealous. Yes, I’m jealous you did that with her, and that’s not rational because we weren’t even together and you could do whatever you wanted to with whoever you – Sev, did you say I was the only person you ever wanted to make love to?”

“Yes.”

“How long have you fancied me?”

“So long I can’t even remember a time when I didn’t.”

Lily started, her face frozen in shock. Severus began to wonder if she had somehow lost the ability to blink when she softly asked, “And you really didn’t have sex with her because of me?”

“Yes. I shouldn’t have done any of it and I’m so sorry, Lily. I felt wretched afterward. Actually, I’m pretty sure I started feeling wretched during but it was hard to stop. I know I should have but – no, there are no excuses for what I did. I was a prat and I’m sorry Lily.”

Tears were welled up in Lily’s eyes. “Sev, oh Sev, you don’t have to apologize. We weren’t dating, so you didn’t cheat on me. I just can’t believe you fancied me for so long and didn’t say anything.” She slid off the bed and wrapped her arms around him. “I can’t believe you said no, for me. God, I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say that.”

“No, it’s true. If I’m jealous now, then maybe that’s fair, since heaven knows you must have been jealous of James often enough. I’ll tell you what, if you forget about what I did then I’ll forget about what you did.”

“That sounds fair.”

“Good, then that’s what we’ll do.” Lily leaned in and kissed him intensely. Leaning back she said with a smile, “You know, Mum probably won’t be back for ages and even though I’m not ready to make love to you, I wouldn’t turn down a serious snog.”

“What did I do to deserve you?”

“Funny, I’m asking myself the same thing – now come here and kiss me.”

Severus needed no further prompting and happily snogged his girlfriend senseless until the sound of the front door opening caused Lily to roll off the bed, snatch her top from the floor and scurry away with a giggle. Severus shook his head and reached for his own shirt, still dazed at the direction the day had taken.

Four days and two amazing snogs later the puzzlement was gone. Severus was glad he had finally told Lily about that night in fifth year, it had released a tension he hadn’t even realized was there. The relief was so profound he couldn’t even really be upset about Lily’s revelation of what she and Gideon Prewett had done. He didn’t know if this meant he was growing up or if it was easy to slough off because of the fact that the incident with Prewett had been a one off where as his hands hand been in the same place many times by now. Severus smiled wickedly to himself and tried to focus on finishing his book for book circle and not on the way Lily’s hands felt when they caressed his bum.

He smushed himself deeper into the pillow and carried on. _Reginald eyed Petersbrooke from across the field swishing his wand cavalierly._

“Sev.”

“Come in,” Severus called, throwing the book down on his bed. What rubbish. “Lils, what’s wrong?” he exclaimed as the door opened to reveal a teary-eyed Lily.

“It’s Remus.”

Severus was off the bed in one fluid motion. “Did something happen to him?”

“His father was killed by Death Eaters.”

“Oh bugger,” Severus exhaled, dropping back down on the bed. Lily shuffled over to join him, and for the first time he noticed the parchment clutched in her hand. “Did he write you?”

“No, Brina did. The funeral is the day after tomorrow. I already wrote back and said we’d go. Is that okay with you?”

“That’s fine.”

“Why would Death Eaters kill Mr. Lupin? He always seemed so nice and Rem said he was determined to stay out of the whole debate.”

“Who knows? Maybe it wasn’t really the Death Eaters, maybe...”

“Sev, the Dark Mark was over their house. If Mrs. Lupin or Remus had been home they probably would have been killed as well.” Lily shifted and threw her arms around him, burying her head in the hollow of his neck. “I’m so glad you’re getting out of that mess.”

“Me too,” Severus responded, pressing a kiss to her temple. Inside, his stomach churned. For the first time a horrible thought had crossed his mind, in leaving was he endangering more than just himself?

It was a feeling he couldn’t shake. Especially two days later, as he and Lily apparated to the tiny village where the Lupins lived. A large crowd had already gathered inside of the church, too large for such a small space. Severus couldn’t see Remus or his mother anywhere, though a cursory glance revealed Sabrina and the marauders seated three pews from the front.

“Where do you want to sit?” Lily asked softly.

“I don’t – How about here?” Severus waved at a pew with the hand Lily was holding.

“You’re sure you don’t want to sit closer?”

“This seems fine to me.”

As they slid into the pew, Remus and his mother appeared at the door of the church. Severus watched as the two moved to the front-most pew, Remus’ gaze obviously shifting over the congregation to see who had come. He gave Severus and Lily a tight-lipped smile as he walked by, an arm around his mother’s waist.

“Do you think it’s odd that Sabrina isn’t sitting with Remus?” Severus whispered, watching his classmate quickly grasp his girlfriend’s hand as he passed by.

“Maybe Mrs. Lupin is old-fashioned and only wants family in the front row,” Lily returned under her breath.

Severus gave a perfunctory nod. To him it seemed cruel, since from the way Remus was continuously glancing over his shoulder he obviously needed support from Sabrina and his triumvirate. The backward glances stopped abruptly when the vicar rose to the pulpit and began the service.

It was a service Severus quickly tuned out, in part because his view of the front was presently obscured by a woman holding a toddler dressed in a black and white checked frock. So Severus distracted himself by focusing his attention on James Potter and Sirius Black who evidently had no more respect for a funeral service than they did for a lecture at school, since they were whispering just as energetically at the former as they did at the latter.

Severus shook his head in exasperation after several minutes and let his gaze wander over the rest of the assembly. He was shocked to see both Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall, both immaculately attired in muggle clothes as were the rest of the witches and wizards in attendance, sitting at the back of the church. As far as he knew this wasn’t a standard practice, since neither of them had come to Mr. Evans’ funeral the summer before. He was starting to wonder if Lily had been misinformed about Lyall Lupin’s desire to stay out of the conflict brewing around them. Severus was beginning to ponder the likelihood of Lupin Senior being part of Dumbledore’s secret group, when the toddler in front of him began to cry for her daddy. The woman rose hastily with the girl in her arms and headed back up the aisle.

“Shh, Anna. Shh,” the woman whispered as she passed by Severus.

In the front pew, Remus once again twisted around and watched the mother and daughter leave the church, his face contorted with anguish. Mrs. Lupin leaned over and spoke to her son, who turned back to face the front. Only seconds later his slender shoulders began to shake and Sabrina slipped down the aisle to join her boyfriend, wrapping her arms tightly around him.

The last words of the service were hardly out of the vicar’s mouth when Remus kissed Sabrina, whispered to his mother and raced from the church. All around them, people began to whisper, while they moved in the direction of Mrs. Lupin.

“That was odd,” murmured Lily.

“He probably doesn’t want anyone to see how upset he is.” Severus returned. Lily started to speak again but Severus had already slid out of the pew and was headed back to the door.

Somehow it didn’t surprise him to see Remus talking to the dark-haired woman. What was surprising was that the toddler was now clutched in Remus’ arms, his hand running soothingly over her golden curls. The air stirred as a figure rushed past Severus. Mrs. Lupin headed directly for her son, sparing not a glance for the girl in his arms. There was a rather hurried discussion at the end of which, Remus passed the little girl back to the woman opposite him. Immediately, she held out her arms and began to whimper, her whimpers grew into screams as Remus hastened towards the cemetery.

Severus was so preoccupied with the various thoughts flying through his head he barely noticed when he was joined by Lily and Sabrina. He wasn’t distracted enough not to notice the truly dangerous look Black gave him as he passed by. Severus’ hand twitched towards the pocket where his wand was hidden, something Lily clearly noticed because she quickly grabbed his right hand and refused to let go until the crowd began to drift towards the Lupin house, by which time the toddler’s protests had died down to the occasional snuffle and hiccup.

The little cottage was so crammed to its weathered oak beams with people, that Severus was feeling decidedly claustrophobic by the time he had made it all the way around the buffet table. He fruitlessly searched the room for some sight of Lily or indeed anyone at all whose company he could tolerate but he came up empty and finally settled for taking his plate and shoving himself into a tiny slipper chair in the corner of the room.

From this vantage point he could observe the various comings and goings in the room. He saw Mrs. Lupin, poised and vacant-eyed, talking to countless people who came up to her. Watched Black with a mixture of disbelief and something like awe as the marauder flirted shamelessly with a striking blond. Most often his gaze was trained on Remus, who seemed unable to keep his eyes from the toddler now ambling through the room, a biscuit clutched tightly in her small hand. The looks were short, lasting no more than a few seconds each and Severus doubted anyone but himself would notice.

It wasn’t long before Severus turned his attention towards the child, watching her movements as closely as Lupin appeared to be. As if she knew she was being watched, she looked up and stared at him with big, brown eyes. After a second, she smiled and let out a burble of a laugh. On the other side of the room, a smile flickered across Remus’ face in response to the sound.

Suddenly, pieces started to slide into place. Severus’ eyes flicked from the girl to the boy over and over again. An idea was rapidly growing in his mind.

“Sev, stop staring at that little girl. People are going to get the wrong idea about you.”

Lily’s words barely registered. He was right, he had to be. “She’s Remus’.”

“What?”

“The toddler, she’s Lupin’s daughter.”

“You’re mad. She’s too old. Besides, Remus…”

Severus cut her off immediately. “She can’t be more than two. I assure you, it is entirely possible to father a child at fifteen.”

“You have taken up an idea and run wild with it.”

“No, honestly Lil, look at her, look at him. They have the same eyes, the same smile, the same chin. I’d bet you anything Remus was blond as a small child. If she’s not related to Remus then I’m a monkey’s uncle.”

There was a sharp intake of breath and Severus turned to see Sabrina gaping at him. He and Lily watched as Sabrina raced up to her boyfriend and began whispering frantically into his ear. The shock Remus felt was apparent on his face. He briefly closed his eyes and when he opened them again his gaze met Severus’ and with the slightest of movements he nodded towards the stairs.

“Come on.” Severus rose from the chair, grabbed Lily’s hand and began to follow the other couple.

“I can’t believe it,” Lily mumbled as they reached the top of the stairs.

“Hurry up,” Sabrina urged, eyes fixed on the foot of the staircase, where Pettigrew was watching them with particular interest.

Severus sped through the door Remus was holding open. Once all four of them were in, Remus shut it with a snap and leaned back against the surface. For several moments he said nothing, finally he sighed and crossed the room to the chair sitting in front of a small roll-top desk. Waving a hand, he indicated the rest of them should sit on the bed. Minutes ticked by as Severus waited for Lupin to begin speaking.

When Remus finally started, Severus observed that Lupin’s voice sounded the way his did after a trying day with his parents – old and defeated. “You know, I almost asked Lily not to bring you. I knew if anyone would figure it out, it would be you.”

“So that girl is your daughter?” Lily asked, stunned.

Remus’ lips twitched, then he began to laugh. Behind them, Severus could hear Sabrina attempting to stifle her own giggles. Remus paused, took a breath, looked at them and began to laugh all over again. Thankfully, Lily looked as lost as Severus, especially as Remus’ laughter grew more hysterical.

Then the laughter stopped as abruptly as it had begun. “Is that what you thought, that Nan is my daughter? I suppose I really should thank you then, Severus.”

“For?”

“Thinking my sex life is so good I could have fathered a child at our age.”

“Not your daughter then?”

“No, not my daughter.”

“I did try to tell him, Rem.”

Severus wasn‘t buying it. “Then why all the secrecy? Why not tell me I was wrong downstairs?”

“Remus, sweetheart, I think you’re going to have to tell them.”

Remus nodded. “The truth is…” He broke off at the sound of a knock on the door.

“Moony, what’s going on in there?”

“Nothing.”

“Can I speak to you for a moment?”

“Not right now, James.”

There was the faint sound of a conversation on the other side of the door and then Sirius called: “What are Snape and Lily doing in there?”

Remus let out an exasperated huff and crossed to the door, which he flung open. “Look we’re talking about a sch - book club issue, okay? We’ll be done in a few minutes.”

“You’re talking about a book club, at your father’s funeral?” Sirius looked doubtful about this explanation and Severus could hardly blame him.

“Yes, it - it takes my mind off things,” Remus choked.

James reached out and grasped Remus’ shoulder. “Whatever helps you, mate.”

“Thanks, Prongs.”

“The thing is – well, Wormtail has to leave soon so…”

“Tell Peter I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

“Sure thing.” James looked reluctant but nodded all the same. “Let’s go, Padfoot.”

Remus gave Black no time to respond, promptly shutting the door.

“Don’t they know?” Severus asked.

“No, and you can’t tell them. You can’t tell anyone.” Remus’ face tightened. “I mean it. If either of you ever breathe a word of what I am going to tell you to anyone, I will hunt you down.”

Severus didn’t doubt Lupin meant every syllable he had just uttered. “You have my word.”

“And mine,” Lily chimed in.

“I don’t really know where to begin.”

“Why don‘t you start by telling us who she is,” Severus prompted.

“My sister.”

“What?”

“Nan - Annabelle - is my sister.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Lily asked.

“I couldn’t.” Remus crossed back to the chair and motioned to Sabrina. Once she was settled on his lap he continued. “My parents made me promise I wouldn’t tell anyone. It’s a promise I’ve broken only once before today.”

“I don’t understand, Rem, why would your parents ask you to keep your sister a secret?”

“It‘s complicated, Lily.”

She looked at him expectantly. Sabrina ran a hand over Remus’ hair and he gave her a squeeze before beginning his story.

“Shortly before Christmas hols of our fourth year Dad wrote me a letter saying I needed to come home for the break. Lily, you know I was planning to stay at school that year. I’m not certain what I was expecting when I came home, nothing good, that’s for sure, but you could have knocked me over with a feather when my parents told me they were having a baby. At first, I admit I was – well, who wants to think about their parents having sex at that age?” Remus wrinkled his nose in distaste at the thought.

“But the more I thought about the news, the more excited I got. I would have a little brother or sister to share things with, to teach things to, and it wouldn’t be so quiet or lonely around here. It took me less than a day to go from being shocked beyond belief to thinking this was the most brilliant news ever.

“Of course my next thought was I needed to share the news with James and Sirius and Peter. I was betting they would be as thrilled as I was. That’s when Dad told me the truth, that what had happened to me was no accident.”

“You have to be kidding.”

“No, Severus, unfortunately I’m not - Dad explained to me he had once offended a werewolf and the werewolf’s revenge was to contaminate me. My parents were afraid if they had any more children this – man would come back and do the same thing to them. So Dad took care of things.”

“Apparently not well enough.”

Remus shrugged. “Failures happen. They’re rare but they happen. Anyway, Dad took the news of the pregnancy in stride. He figured something or someone wanted him and Mam to have another baby and they should accept it and go on with their lives.

“But Mam was terrified. She didn’t want another one of her children to be forced to go through what I do every full moon.”

“Then why keep the pregnancy?”

“Because she said she couldn’t bring herself to end the life one of her and Dad’s babies. What Mam wanted was to have the baby and send it to live with family of hers in Canada, but Dad wouldn’t hear of it. If they were having a child then they were going to raise it and this time he would know what to look out for. He felt he would be able to protect this child. And he really wasn’t willing to let anyone else adopt one of his children, which is what he thought would end up happening.

“Mind you, I only found all this out after the fact. By the time I came home they had reached a sort of a compromise. My parents would go away before Mam began to show, some place where no one knew us, and the baby could be born there. Then, when we came back, they would give the baby to a friend of my grandmother’s, Mrs. Gramercy, for the time being.”

“How was that a compromise?” Lily asked.

“Well, Nan is here with us, she’s never been adopted, so my parents are still her legal guardians. We’re able to see her, be a part of her life, which is important to Dad, and Mam promised they could someday revisit the idea of bringing Annabelle home. In return, Dad gave his word we would keep the fact that Nan is their child secret until Mam was willing to reveal that information.”

“How often do you get to see her?” Lily questioned

“I go every day during the summer and Christmas hols and I send her things from school, cards and presents and letters for Mrs. Gramercy to read out to her. Dad went for a few hours every day since we brought her back.”

Countless questions were racing through Severus’ mind, too many to even begin to get answers to them all, so he picked one and asked it. “I take it from the crying in the church she knows who your father is?”

“Yes, Dad always referred to himself as Nan‘s father in the privacy of Mrs. Gramercy’s. Mam’s not happy about that.”

“She didn’t know?”

“No, to the best of my knowledge today is the first time Mam has seen Nan since she was born. I know what you’re thinking, Lily, but you’re wrong. Mam does love Annabelle,” Remus said in response to the flicker of outrage that crossed Lily’s face.

“Then why doesn’t she go see her child?”

“She thinks she wouldn’t be able to hold to her resolve if she does. Keeping Nan safe is the most important thing in the world to Mam, more important than having Annabelle with us.”

“And now that she has seen her?”

“I don’t know.”

“Remus, does this Mrs. Gramercy know what your sister is?”

“You mean that she’s a witch?”

Severus nodded.

“No, she’s a muggle, so strictly speaking Dad couldn’t tell her.”

“What reason did your father give her to explain why Annabelle is living with her and not with her own family?” Lily queried.

“Initially he said Mam was having a hard time recovering from the birth. I don’t know what excuse he uses now.” Remus gave a short laugh. “Of course, Mrs. Gramercy is of the opinion that Nan is Dad’s love child from some sort of tawdry affair - Dad always hoped he would be able to talk Mam around in time. Now I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“You mean you think your mother might let Mr. and Mrs. Gramercy adopt Nan after all?”

“There is no Mr. Gramercy. He left ages ago. Actually, Mrs. Gramercy doesn’t want to keep Nan at all anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Lily, My father was…” Remus’ voice caught and the next word was strangled, “murdered. She’s not a stupid woman and she’s worried someone might come looking for Nan. So she wants her gone before something bad happens. I was hoping Mam would take Nan with her when she moves but instead she’s back to the relatives in Canada idea.” A single tear rolled down Remus’ cheek.

“Where is your mother going?”

“Dumbledore is moving her somewhere else for her protection. I think - I think Dad told Dumbledore about Nan. So I’m hoping maybe he’ll move her somewhere safe as well. Somewhere I can still see her.”

“What will you do if he doesn’t?”

“I can’t think about that right now. I can’t picture life without both Dad and Nan.”

Sabrina brushed a tear away from his face. “It’ll work out, love.”

“How?”

“I’m not sure, I just know it will.”

Remus tried to smile but it didn’t take a genius to figure out his heart was breaking. Severus wished he knew what to do or say to comfort the boy who had, surprisingly, over the course of last year, become a friend.

It was Lily who came to the rescue. “Rem, didn’t you say that Dumbledore knows who Annabelle is?”

“I’m not a hundred percent certain but yes, I believe so.”

“Then get him on your side, tell him how much she means to you and you don‘t want her to go. If there’s any man on the face of the earth who can persuade people to do things, it’s Dumbledore.”

“Do you think that would work?”

This time Severus did have something to contribute. “Lily has a point, Remus. Even You-Know-Who is afraid of Dumbledore and that should tell you something. I’m sure at the very least he could talk Mrs. Gramercy into keeping your sister for the time being. Then you’d have time to talk to your mum into taking her or at least find a family that’s willing to let you have contact.”

“Do you really think so?”

“It’s worth a try, isn’t it?”

“Yes, yes it is,” Remus moved Sabrina from his lap and stood. “We should go back downstairs before Sirius busts a gut.”

“I wouldn’t worry about him,” Severus assured. “Looked to me like he was trying to get that blond to go off with him.”

Remus groaned. “Even better, her boyfriend could break Sirius like a twig.”

“Best go stop him then, sweets.”

“Merlin, those two are a lot of work.”

There was a brief chuckle as Remus turned the door knob.

“Rem, you know we’re here for you, right?” Lily enquired.

“Even if I have to mount a rescue mission to Canada?”

“Even then,” she promised.

“Thanks, Lil. Oh and thanks for the name as well.”

“Huh?”

“Annabelle’s name. My parents let me pick it and I remembered the poem you read me back in second year. That’s where I got her name from.”

Lily laughed lightly. “Then it’s Sev you need to thank and not me, A _nnabelle Lee_ is his favourite poem.”

“I should have known Severus would be behind you reading anything that tragic” Remus responded with a shake of the head.

“Hey, at least I didn’t name a kid after the thing,” Severus retorted

Sabrina looked from one to the other before asking, “Is it really that bad?”

“No,” Severus responded. “It’s about love, true, ever-lasting Love.”

“What could possibly be better than that?”

“Nothing,” Remus and Severus responded in unison.

“Now we’re all in agreement I think we had best return downstairs before Mrs. Lupin starts to wonder what I have been doing up here with her son all this time.”

“Don’t you worry about Mam, Cariad. She adores you,” Remus declared as he opened the door and started down the hall. Sabrina smiled at Lily and Severus before following him.

Lily sighed and looked up at her own boyfriend. “Why do I have the feeling we’re in for a rough couple of months?”

“Lily, this is one time I hope you’re wrong.”

“I hope so too.”

Severus nodded, but part of him feared that like always Lily would end in being right and the Lupins’ difficulties were just the beginning of their troubles.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took so long. Life has handed me a big box of lemons lately. I've lost my job, am having to move cross country, my gram is dying of cancer and I had computer issues. All this means until I've moved and gotten settled updates are going to be pretty sporadic.


	44. Mums

Much to Lily’s relief, no disasters had befallen them in the following four days. It was a state of affairs she was determined to embrace, because she had a sneaking suspicion that quiet days were going to become much rarer in the future, as You-Know-Who’s attacks were becoming bolder and alarmingly frequent.

It was for that very reason Lily was so jittery this morning. With so little time left until their return to school Lily had to face the fact that it appeared Severus was no closer to having his invitation to join the Death Eaters retracted than he had been at the beginning of last year. In her head, a mental countdown had begun; they had less than one year to bring about their change and if that didn‘t happen – well, the truth was, she was no longer confident about any of their backup plans. She had refrained from mentioning any of her fears or doubts to Severus in part because she had, on occasion, caught a glimpse of anxiety in his eyes and didn’t think it would help to add her fears to his.

She prayed that, similar to fifth year, his tension was the result of the fact that he was already fretting about their forthcoming N.E.W.T.s and not their predicament. She certainly wasn’t going to draw attention to the problem of Voldemort if he wasn’t thinking about it.

Lily shook her head in the attempt to clear away her agitated thoughts. She figured the most sensible thing to do was focus on the here and now. They could and would deal with their other issue when they returned to school. For today the return to Hogwarts was on top of the priority list. Perhaps it was because neither one of them wanted to break their bubble of happiness that they had put off this trip to Diagon Alley for so long, but now, with a little over a week left until the start of term, time had run out. Lily let out a deep breath and pulled on a shoe. If only Severus were uninvited, she knew she wouldn’t be as worried.

“Are you ready?” Severus asked from the doorway, pulling her from the direction her mind had taken far too often of late.

“If you are.”

He nodded in response.

“Okay then, let’s go.” Lily smiled and grabbed her purse from the bed.

“Shouldn’t we tell Vi we’re going?” Severus questioned as Lily reached the front door.

“I told her last night.”

“Oh - where is Violet by the way? I haven’t seen her all morning.”

“She had to go into Manchester for something.”

“What?”

“I don’t know really.”

“Hmm.”

“Do you want to apparate from the Spot?” Lily asked while locking the front door.

“Works for me.”

They walked slowly towards the wooded area, hand-in-hand. When they reached the clearing Lily gave Severus a quick kiss.

“I’ll see you in front of Gringotts.”

“I’m right behind you.”

True to his word, Severus appeared in Diagon Alley only seconds after her. “Where to first?” she asked after they had exchanged their money and exited the bank.

“Scrivenshaft’s?” Severus suggested.

Lily nodded, embracing the euphoria of walking down the street holding Severus’ hand freely and openly for the first time in the wizarding world. Her exhilaration faded slightly as he let go of her hand and wandered through the shop looking at the vast assortment of parchment and inks. Nothing bored her quite like a trip to Scrivenshaft’s. Lily paused in front of a shelf; even after all these years she was still boggled by the range of inks offered here. She had no earthly idea why anyone would need countless numbers of differently hued ink. Honestly, there had to be a hundred shades of green alone!

“Going to cross over to the Slytherin side and buy a bottle of green?” Severus asked, his arms filled with supplies.

“That depends, are you going to purchase a couple of bottles of red?”

“I already have one.”

“Colour coding this year?”

“It does seem prudent. I suggest you do the same thing.”

“Severus, I have never understood your colour coding system.”

“It’s simple, you write the most basic facts in black, things that might be, but are not likely to be on an exam in…”

“Sev, please stop. Writing everything in black works just fine for me.”

“I’m telling you, you’re missing a marvellous opportunity here.”

“Maybe, but I think I’ll continue on as I am. Besides, if all else fails I still have my favourite back up plan.”

“And that is?”

“Asking you the answer to anything I don’t fully understand.”

“What if I won’t tell you?”

“You wouldn’t do that to me,” she pouted up at him, while taking several rolls of parchment from his arms.

“Not likely,” he acceded as he made his way to the queue.

“Is this all you’re getting?” Lily asked, nodding at the parchment.

“Yes, why?”

“It just doesn’t seem like enough to rewrite all your notes, take new notes and give some to Cris.”

“I’m not giving any to Cris.”

“Why not?”

“He doesn’t want any.”

“Why not?”

“Because he says the Dark Ages are over and from now on he’s going to use regular paper and a ballpoint pen.”

“Maybe we should all do that.”

Severus made a non-committal noise as he waited for his purchases to be rung up.

Lily didn’t continue until they were outside and once again walking down the street. “I mean why _do_ we still use ink and quills? Wouldn’t it be more practical for us to use ballpoint pens?”

“Maybe.”

“Then why not…”

“Because that’s just the way it is and nothing you and I do is going to change it.”

“Why is the wizarding world so intent on being stuck in the past?”

“We’re not, and aren’t you one to talk? Look at the muggle world.”

“What does that mean? The muggle world is full of advances, cars, televisions, telephones…”

“Stupid top hats you’re forced to wear at weddings.”

“When are you going to get over that?”

“Two days after never. I looked like an idiot.”

“You looked as handsome as anything.”

“You really think so?”

“Oh, most definitely.”

Severus looked around, quirked an eyebrow and gave her a crooked smile. “I think I’ve got everything I need here. So maybe we should…”

“We have no books,” Lily pointed out.

“Well we could…”

“Go buy books.” He looked at her doubtfully. “Sev, we have ages to snog.”

“I didn’t say that was what I wanted to do.”

“No, the look in your eyes did. Besides, I want to show off my boyfriend, so get your bum in there.” She nodded to Flourish and Blotts and gave him a tiny shove towards the door.

He entered the shop with a low chuckle. Like she had known he would, Severus soon stopped trying to persuade her into going home and started wandering the aisles, picking up books and reading the dust jackets. Occasionally, he would read a few pages but, most of the time he would simply shake his head and put the book back on the shelf. In a few very rare instances he would pull a paper and pencil from his pocket and scribble down a title. These were the books Lily always paid special attention to, ones that she would contemplate buying him for Christmas or his birthday or maybe their anniversary. She smiled to herself at the thought of them having an anniversary. The smile slid from her lips when she heard a girl’s voice call out Severus’ name across the shop.

Even before she turned, Lily knew who it would be; there was no mistaking that sultry voice, but she was unprepared for the way Anastasia Worthington was eyeing Severus. Who did this girl think she was that she could look at Lily’s boyfriend like that? Boldly Lily marched up to Severus and grasped his hand tightly.

“Hello, Worthington.”

The girl’s eyes flicked up and down Lily dismissively. “Evans. I didn’t know you and Severus were - keeping company so to speak.”

“Yes, since May.”

“Well you certainly were quiet about that, Severus.”

“Lily and I thought it best to focus on our exams at the end of last term and wait until later to tell everyone that we‘re dating.” Severus cast an adoring glance at Lily.

“Yes.” Anastasia hissed the word out slowly. “Well - I should be going. I’ll see you back in the common room Severus.”

Lily grasped his hand tighter as the other girl sashayed away. “How long until she tells everyone she knows?”

“About five minutes. Why, are you…?”

“And how long before she tells everyone what the two of you did?”

“I doubt she’ll tell anyone.”

“I don’t.” Lily muttered, turning to pick up a book randomly from the shelf.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“No, you said something.”

“She’s going to tell everyone she went down on you and I haven’t!” She exclaimed in a furious whisper.

“First, she’s not going to say anything, it wouldn‘t look good for her. Second, how in the world would she know you haven’t -” Severus stopped, pulled the book from her hand, his eyes large and whispered; “You’re jealous - you’re really and truly jealous!”

“I - let’s go.”

“We have to buy our books.”

Across the room Anastasia was pointedly staring at them and even as Lily watched, the girl’s eyes took in Severus hungrily. Lily glared, snatched the book he was holding from Severus’ hand and drug him from the shop.

“I’ll see you at the Spot,” she told him before apparating away.

A half a second later Severus reappeared at her side. “Are we going to talk about this?”

“No.”

“You said you weren’t angry about what I had done with her.”

“I’m not.” Lily turned and started stalking back towards the house

Severus raced to catch up to her. “That’s rather hard to tell at this exact moment.”

“Severus! I - that girl - I’m not -”

“Lily please stop!” He grabbed her arm and pulled her up short. “If you’re not angry, then what’s…”

“If you thought I was going to stand there while that twit ogled you then you have another thing coming to you mister!”

“I can’t do anything about the way she looks at me. Besides, she only did it because you were there and she can’t stand the idea there might be a man in the world who’s attracted to someone other than her.”

“I hate she did that with you.”

“And I hate that you kissed James Potter and let Gideon Prewitt feel you up.”

“At least you’ve gotten to do the same thing.”

“Are you saying you want, to…?”

“Maybe.”

Severus grasped her firmly by the shoulders and stared deep into her eyes. “Angel, please, please believe me when I tell you it doesn’t mean the same thing to me as it does to other men.”

“Why?”

“Lil - there are some things I’m not comfortable talking about yet, not even with you.”

Lily knew from the set of his face and the look in his eyes he wouldn’t say anymore about the issue today. She also knew that whatever the problem was, it involved something that went on at Spinner’s End. For the moment she didn’t want to know any more about what sort of wretchedness happened in that house, she only wanted him to look happy again.

“Alright, we don‘t have to talk about it today.”

“Thank you. I promise someday I’ll explain it to you.”

“I know and I don’t want to pressure you. In the meantime, if you could make it clear to Worthington that…”

“I have a girlfriend I am completely in love with and I have no intension of doing anything with anyone but her.”

“That would make me very happy.”

“Consider it done.”

Lily smiled and squeezed his hand before starting back towards Bloom Street. “I’m sorry I drug you away before we had a chance to buy our books.”

Severus shrugged. “We can always owl order them.”

Lily nodded thoughtfully. “That is probably better than trying to cram another trip in.”

“Yes.”

“Fine, we can owl order, but only if you let me pay for the postage.”

“Lil.”

“I insist. Otherwise we’re going back tomorrow. Besides, I’m the one who pulled you out of the shop so it’s only right I pay. I would make you pay postage if the shoe was on the other foot,” she supplied as an extra nudge.

He hesitated for a moment before nodding. “Alright.”

“I suppose I should also apologize for my behaviour.”

“Don’t worry about it, I don’t mind.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes, it was actually nice _not_ to be the jealous one for a change.”

“Sev!” she huffed, “I wasn’t -”

“You were, and it was adorable. In fact, once we’re home I’ll show just how attractive I found it.”

This time Lily blushed, but a glance down the street showed her that Severus wouldn’t get the chance to prove anything to her. “We can’t, Mum’s home.”

“I would like to point out I wanted to come home earlier.”

“Yes, but we hadn’t been to the bookshop at that point so I wouldn’t have been nearly as attractive.”

“Not tr...” the word died on Severus’ lips as Lily swung open the door. “What’s that?”

“Hmm, Mum’s playing piano.”

“Violet plays the piano?”

“Yes, did you think we had one merely for decoration?”

“I don’t – I’ve never heard her play before.”

“She doesn’t play much anymore. In fact, I don’t think she’s gone near it since Dad died.”

Severus clearly wasn’t paying attention to Lily any longer as he wandered into the lounge and sank down into the sofa. Lily sat next to him, wondering what could have provoked such unease in her mother that she could only find comfort at the instrument in front of her. As one song flowed into the next Severus closed his eyes and rested his head against the sofa back.

“If you’re tired you can go have a lie down,” Lily whispered.

“Shh,” Severus breathed back not bothering to open his eyes.

“Heavens,” Violet started as the playing ceased. “I didn’t hear the two of you come in.”

“We just got back,” Lily explained. “We didn’t mean to interrupt you.”

“It’s no problem,” Violet assured as she started to close the lid of the upright.

“Please don’t stop Vi,” Severus implored.

Violet smiled and reopened the keyboard cover. “I didn’t know that you liked piano, Severus.”

The boy nodded. “Chopin’s always been my favourite.”

“Let’s see what we can do for you then.” Violet smiled as she shuffled through sheet music.

As the strains of Chopin’s Raindrop prelude filled the room Severus’ eyes once more drifted shut. Lily was amazed at his reaction. Like her mother, she had had no idea that her boyfriend was so enamoured of classical music.

Her shock only increased when as the last notes died Severus whispered - “I always wanted to learn to play.”

Unlike her daughter, Violet didn’t seem in the least bit surprised. “I would be more than happy to teach you.”

Severus turned on the sofa to face the woman behind him. “Really?”

“Of course, I would love to be able to pass my knowledge onto someone.”

Excitement lit up Severus’ entire face. “When can we start?”

“Well, you are going back to school very soon.”

“I promise I’ll find a way to practice.”

“I couldn’t teach you much in such a small amount of time.”

“That’s fine, truly.”

Violet looked at the eager face and smiled. “I suppose we can start tomorrow then.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course. Now if the two of you don’t mind I think I’m going to lie down for a bit.”

After Violet left, Lily turned to Severus and asked “How come you never told me you wanted to learn to play the piano?”

Severus shrugged. “I never thought I’d get the opportunity to learn.”

“If you had told me, I could have asked Mum to teach you ages ago.”

“Fair point, but – the important thing is I’ll get to now.”

Lily could only smile and shake her head as he exited the room and wonder when Severus would cease to amaze her.

It certainly wasn’t the next day, when he sat down at the piano bench to have his first lesson. Right away, Lily knew it was something he would excel at, if only because he had acquired the same look of grim determination he had whenever he had his heart set on something. As she mounted the staircase she could hear Violet enthusing: “The first step to learning to play any instrument is...”

Lily had to smile to herself; her mother was just as thrilled and determined as Severus, perhaps because she was grateful to have finally found someone who wanted to learn. Heaven knew neither she nor Petunia had ever had any desire to do so. Lily paused briefly in Severus’ room to get his booklist before going into her room.

“Up for a trip, Archimedes?”

The owl hooted happily from his spot on the dresser in response. Lily scribbled out an order for the books she and Severus would require for the upcoming year and after attaching it and a small bag containing their money to Archimedes’ leg, she opened the window and watched him fly away. Not sure of what else to do with herself, Lily flung open the lid of her trunk, cleared out the debris remaining from the end of last term and began to load in the clothes. She was in the midst of digging through the bottom of her wardrobe when she heard Petunia speak from the doorway.

“Mum wants you.”

“What for?” Lily asked, not bothering to turn around.

“That boy’s mother is here.”

For one moment Lily was certain her heart had stopped. Mrs. Snape was here? She turned to ask Petunia when Sev’s mother had arrived but her sister had already left. As she scrambled to her feet, a thousand thoughts raced through Lily’s mind. The one that seemed to be at the forefront was, did she have time to change? Normally she wouldn’t worry about such things but currently she had on an old pair of jeans and a top that had most definitely seen some better days and last time Eileen Snape had been here the woman had looked immaculate. All in all it seemed prudent to put on something a little more presentable. Lily hastily dug through the wardrobe and pulled out a simple lilac dress. It would have to do. She quickly stripped down and threw the dress on over her head. She had barely pulled up the zip when someone knocked on her door.

“Come in!”

“Lil.” Severus opened the door. “I was going to ask if Petunia had told you my mum is here but I’m going to guess from the dress she did.”

Lily nodded. “I’ll be down as soon as I find some shoes and brush my hair.”

“Angel, you don’t have to get poshed up for my mum.”

Lily looked at him doubtfully.

“I mean it. You look fine just as you are, better than fine.”

“I – I want her to like me, Sev.”

“And she will, but you’re going to have to come downstairs for that to happen.”

Lily nodded. “You’re certain I don’t need shoes?” she questioned as she passed into the hallway.

“Positive. I’m not even sure why you changed your clothes.”

“I wanted to look nice for her, for you.”

Severus paused at the top of the stairs and gave her a quick kiss. “I always think you look nice.”

“Thank you.” Lily whispered in return. Then taking a deep breath she smoothed down her dress, brushed back her hair and entered the room only two steps behind Severus.

He gave her a reassuring smile before saying, “Mum, this is Lily. Lily, my mother, Eileen.”

Lily put on what she hoped was her most winning smile as she walked towards the woman. “It’s a pleasure to finally officially meet you, Mrs. Snape.”

Severus’ mother looked Lily up and down before holding out her hand. “Likewise, I’m sorry it has taken so long. Really, Severus should have brought you round ages ago.”

“You’re right, Mum, I should have,” Severus agreed as he sat down on the sofa next to his mother. “But you’ve met now so I hope I’m forgiven.”

Eileen smiled at her son “Of course, Princeling.”

There was a moment of tense silence before Eileen asked, “so, are you both ready to go back to Hogwarts?”

“We have one or two odds and ends to take care of but otherwise yes, I think we are.”

A wistful smile flitted across Eileen’s face. “I remember how excited I was at the beginning of my final year.”

“I was too. I remember it felt like the whole world was lying open in front of me,” Violet recalled. “I felt I could go anywhere, do anything, with Daniel in tow of course. But then, I always thought I could do anything as long as I had my Daniel by my side.”

Eileen shifted awkwardly. Thankfully Violet seemed to have realised that Mrs. Snape was uncomfortable with the direction the conversation had taken and quickly changed the topic. “Eileen, I wanted to tell you what a help Severus has been this summer. Well, since my husband passed away really.”

“He is a good boy,” Eileen affirmed.

Severus flushed slightly at the praise. “I try my best.”

There was another moment of silence before Violet asked. “Would you like more tea?”

Mrs. Snape hesitated for a moment before nodding. “That would be lovely.”

Severus leaned over and whispered to his mother.

“It’s fine Severus.” For a moment Severus looked confused but the look quickly slid away. “I do want to thank you, Violet for giving my son a place to live these last few months. I – I am grateful.”

“I assure you it is a joy to have him here, though I’m sure you must miss him horribly. I know I would, if I was so fortunate to have such a son.”

“It was different this summer without him.”

There was another paused before Lily asked: “Mrs. Snape, I was wondering do you remember anything about N.E.W.T.s?”

“Not much beyond the fact that they were difficult, but I’m sure you will both do fine.”

“Severus will anyway. He is beyond a doubt the smartest person at Hogwarts,” Lily quickly supplied with a smile.

“He gets that from my father.” Eileen fairly glowed with pride.

Somehow Lily didn’t think she liked the idea of Severus being compared to his grandfather but she felt it was best to stay silent about that.

There was several more minutes of polite chit-chat before Mrs. Snape rose. “Thank you for your hospitality, Violet, but I am afraid I must be going. Severus, will you see me to the door?”

“Certainly, Mum.”

After they had disappeared and the sound of a shutting door reached them Violet smiled wearily at her daughter. “Would you mind cleaning up for me Lily?”

“Of course not.” Lily watched her mother cross the room. When Violet reached the arch Lily called out, “are you feeling alright, Mum?”

Violet turned around slowly, she opened her mouth, hesitated and then said: “I’ve asked everyone for dinner night after next.”

Lily was confused by the reply but before she could ask any questions Violet had disappeared. Still lost in thought, Lily gathered up the cups and saucers and took them into the kitchen. She took one more distracted trip to the lounge to collect the tea tray and napkins before returning to the kitchen to start the washing up. She had just filled the sink full of warm, soapy water when Severus pushed open the door and entered the room.

“Sev, do you think...” The question died on Lily’s lips. One glance at Severus’ face was enough to let her know something had happened, something that had left him shaken.

“Come for a walk with me?”

“I promised Mum I would do the washing up.”

“I’ll help you as soon as we get back. Please Lily, I need to talk to you, in private.”

She could only nod. “I need shoes.”

“I’ll wait down here.”

Lily ran up the stairs, quickly found a pair of sandals, slipped off her slippers and shoved her feet into the strappy white shoes. She was hardly surprised to see that Severus had a good amount of the tea items cleaned when she re-entered the kitchen. “Ready?” she asked.

Severus finished rinsing out the teapot before turning and nodding at her. Much as Lily had expected Severus turned them towards the play park as soon as they were out the door, and didn’t slacken his pace until they had reached the Spot. What was unexpected was the fact that he didn’t say one word during the entire course of the walk, nor did he hold her hand. He appeared to be completely lost in thought, eyes fixed on the road beneath his feet, hands stuffed in his pockets.

Even when they reached the clearing he didn’t say anything. To Lily it felt eerily like the time they had come here after the end of fifth year, Severus paced in circles, clearly unable to find the words that he wanted. She waited patiently, trying to give him time to collect his thoughts. Finally she let out a long breath and implored: “Tell me what’s wrong, Sev.”

Several beats passed before he responded. “My parents – my mum said...”

“Is she alright?” Lily asked quickly.

“Yes, I guess. They’re getting divorced.”

For one mad moment Lily wondered if she looked as shocked as she felt. She supposed she had never thought the Snapes would ever really reach this point. Though that was not something she wanted to voice to the man in front of her at the moment, especially since he looked so confused and worried.

“Is that why your mother asked you to walk her out, so she could tell you?”

Severus nodded.

“How – how do you feel about it?”

“That’s the strange part,” Severus started as he dropped to the ground. “I always thought this was what I wanted but now it’s happened it feels strange. Almost like a dream I’m waiting to wake up from.”

Lily lowered herself to the ground next to him and took a long, narrow hand in hers. “It was bound to be a bit of a shock.”

“I suppose.”

Another silence spun out around them before Lily finally worked up the nerve to ask. “Did your mother say why they had decided to get a divorce after all this time?”

Severus gave a sniff of disapproval. “He’s having an affair.”

“Are you kidding?!”

“No, apparently it’s been going on for quite some time.”

“Oh my...”

“Well good luck to her, whoever she is. Hope she knows what a complete wanker my father is.”

“Maybe he can change, maybe he’ll be different with her.” Lily supplied.

Severus’ response was to snort derisively. “I doubt it. Still, even if he is, it makes no difference to me.”

Lily nodded noncommittally; clearly Severus had no plans to have any sort of relationship with his father after the divorce and she couldn’t really blame him for that. “Did your mother say what she was planning on doing next?” Lily asked curiously.

“She’s going to see her father. She hopes now she’s getting rid of the muggle he’ll be more willing to forgive her, maybe even undisinherit her.”

“Is that even a word?”

“I don’t know.”

“Sev, why does your mother think her father will help her now? I mean, even if your parents are getting a divorce they were still married, they had you. Nothing anyone does can change that now.”

Severus sighed and picked Lily’s hand up off his lap and began lightly tracing over the lines on her palm. “The truth is mum has to ask for help. She doesn’t have a job, has absolutely no work experience. There’s only so long she’d be able to live off the proceeds from the sale of the house so she really has no alternatives.”

“How can you’re parents sell the house, don’t they rent from the council?”

“No, they own it outright.”

Lily was bursting to ask Severus how his parents had managed that but money was always a touchy subject for him so she searched for something else to say. While she thought, he placed her hand back on his leg and began to pull tufts of grass up out of the ground. “It’ll be fine, dearest.”

“Will it?”

“Yes.”

“You know mum gave me all her savings at the beginning of summer. I offered to give it back now of course but she told me to keep it, that I needed it for school. Lil what happens if my grandfather won’t help her?”

“Then she seems like a very intelligent woman and I have no doubt she will find a job very quickly.”

“She’s never worked a day in her life.”

“But you told me yourself she’s a good brewer and healer. Those are marketable skills, ones many people would be happy to have.”

“Maybe,” Severus conceded grudgingly.

“Let’s just wait and see what happens. It probably won’t end up being as bad as you expect, and on the upside there will be no more rows and you won’t have to worry if your mum is safe while you’re at school.”

“That’s true,” Severus agreed.

Lily hoisted herself up from the ground, wiping the dirt off her backside. “Besides, divorces can take forever. Remember what a mess the Peterson’s divorce was? It took them two years to sort it all out.”

Severus gave a wry smile as he pushed himself up. “That’s because the Peterson’s had things to fight over, like the art and the cars and the kids. What are my parents going to fight over, who gets the faded, beat up sofa?”

Lily had no real response to that but figured she’d try anyway. “Well...”

Severus cut her off with a wry laugh. “Don’t bother, Lily.”

“Don’t bother with what?”

He only shook his head and pulled her towards him. “You’re an angel and I love you.” Severus leaned his forehead against hers and twined his fingers through her hair. “Thank you for trying to cheer me up.”

“I hope it helped a little.”

“It did.”

“We should go home before Mum starts to wonder where we got off to,” Lily whispered.

“If you insist.”

“I do. We have loads to do. Packing and washing up and – mum said something about having everyone to dinner in two nights. Does that strike you as odd?”

“Not particularly, no. She has us all to dinner all the time.”

“Um-hm,” Lily murmured. Somehow she knew in her bones something more important than the average Evans’ family dinner was in the offing.

“Come on then, let’s go home.”

As they walked back towards her house Lily had a sudden thought. “Sev what are you going to do?”

“About?”

“If your mother moves away, what will you do?”

Severus paused in the middle of the street and looked down at her intently. “I don’t know.”

“You wouldn’t leave Cokeworth, would you?”

A wistful smile crossed his face for a flickering second. “No, I’ll stay here as long as I’m needed and wanted.”

“Then you’re staying for a long time.”

He smiled and started to lean down but stopped when he heard a throat clearing. Lily could see Mr. Cooper standing on his drive, hose pipe in his hand.

“Afraid of a little audience?” Lily teased, unable to resist.

“No.”

“Good, you shouldn’t be. You’re a fantastic kisser.”

A laugh rumbled in his chest but before it could escape from his lips Lily had pressed hers firmly to his. The throat clearing had turned to loud coughs by the time the two of them separated and continued on into her house. Lily couldn’t help but giggle as she caught one last glimpse of Mr. Cooper before they passed through the front door.

Try as she might, Lily was unable to get Severus to talk a about his parents’ divorce again over the course of the next day and a half. Despite his obvious preoccupation, he always said there was nothing to talk about. The lack of willingness to talk was something that seemed to be going around, as Lily noticed her mother also appeared to be constantly lost in thought, completely failing to notice Severus’ agitated state. This absentmindedness made Lily certain tonight’s dinner was more important than a casual gathering of the family, because both her mother and Severus were so clearly in a distracted state she was unable to talk to either one about the other’s problem. If May wasn’t due any minute Lily was fairly certain she, would have reached  the limit of her tolerance.

As if on cue, there was a quick knock on the door and May entered.

“You’re here!” Lily exclaimed, jumping up from her bed.

“We just got here.”

“We?”

“Mum asked me to bring Alex.”

Lily bit her lip for a second before asking: “May, does this dinner seem rather odd to you?”

“Maybe a little,” May admitted. “But I honestly assumed it’s because Violet has something important she wants to tell us all.”

“What do you think it could be?”

May hesitated, her eyes darting around the room. “I think – I was thinking maybe she might be getting married.”

“What! Are you mad?! Mum would never get married again - Besides, who would she marry?”

“Lionel.”

“No, May you – do you honestly think Dad’s best friend would do something like that? Besides, Lionel doesn’t think of mum that way. She’s like a sister or something.”

“Like you were a sister to Severus?”

Lily opened her mouth to respond but found she had no reply.

“Just out of curiosity, what do _you_ think this dinner is about?”

“I don’t know. Mum does seem tired a lot of the time so I’m afraid she’s thinking of selling the house.”

“I don’t think she would do that, not until after you and Sev are settled anyway. Speaking of Severus, he certainly seemed distracted when he let us in, barely said two words together.”

“His parents are getting a divorce.”

“I know. He told Cris,” May clarified at Lily’s questioning look. “Actually, he asked Cris if there might be a place for his mother at the factory.”

“Really?” Lily was shocked; she doubted Eileen Snape would ever lower herself to work in a muggle factory, but the fact that he’d asked showed how much Severus had evolved.

“Umm hmm. I was just surprised he seemed so troubled. I thought he’d be over the moon.”

“He’s still adjusting to the idea, I think and he’s worried about his mother, how she’ll get by without him and whatnot.”

“I can see that. Cris did say he’d try to find something.”

“That would probably take some of Sev’s stress away.”

“I hope so. I know you two already have a lot to worry about with the whole Death Eater thing. How is that going by the way?”

“Who knows, except for the letter from Malfoy at the beginning of summer we haven’t heard a word about anything. You’d think they’d say something if they suspected him of defecting, some sort of hint that they find his behaviour incorrect.”

“You know, I honestly don’t think you’ll get a hint of any kind. I – it doesn’t seem like there will be a big lead up to the end.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just, from what you and Sev have said, I think the cut off will be very abrupt, the time between when the decision gets made to let him go and when he gets told will be very short.”

Before Lily could answer there was a knock on the door. “Lils, May, Mum says dinner’s ready.”

Both of the girls scrambled off the bed and headed down stairs while Cris stopped at Severus’ door, calling to the younger boy. Lily knew she shouldn’t be shocked to see Honoria and Vernon sitting in the lounge yet somehow she was. Even more surprising was the sight of Lionel standing by the fireplace, deep in conversation with Alex. May gave her the slightest of smiles before crossing to her boyfriend’s side. Lily stood in the doorway for a moment watching the interactions in the room, wondering what kind of announcement could have caused her mother to call all these people together.

“Lily are you alright?” Severus questioned as he came up behind her, resting his hand on the small of her back.

“Yes,” she answered without conviction.

“It’s going to be fine,” Cris assured them both, with a glance towards Lionel. From his look, Lily knew, like his sister, Cris thought her mother was going to announce her engagement. For an instant she had to wonder if the Hall siblings were right.

The idea grew as her mother came into the room to announce dinner, staying behind for a moment to speak to Lionel. The air in the dining room was thick with tension through out the course of the meal, even as Violet and Cris tried valiantly to keep up a steady stream of light hearted conversation. Still, no one did more than give the occasional one word answer, just as no one besides Vernon did much more than pick at their food.

Finally, Violet sighed and put down her fork. “I suppose everyone has figured out I have called you all here for a reason.” She let out a long breath before continuing. “I – I have been feeling tired ever since Daniel passed away last year and at first I thought it was just the stress and, the heartbreak, but time went on and still I didn’t feel any better. So last month, on Lionel’s advice, I went to a specialist in Manchester.”

There seemed to be a sharp intake of breath around the table while Violet took a deep drink of water. She placed glass carefully back on the table before continuing. “The doctor there ran some tests and the other day he called me to discuss the results.”

Lily felt her stomach knot, this was worse than she had imagined. She reached for Severus’ hand under the table. The pause seemed to stretch out endlessly around them before Lionel prompted, “Just tell them, Violet.”

Violet took in a deep breath and let it out before saying quietly. “I have been diagnosed with ovarian cancer.”

The announcement reverberated around the room like a shot. Petunia promptly started to sob, May’s fork fell out of her hand and hit her plate with a resounding crash, while Vernon began dispatching advice in a voice Lily was sure must be heard several streets away. All she could do was grasp Severus’ hand even tighter and attempt not to give into the dizziness that was threatening to engulf her. For several minutes chaos reigned in the dining room. The noise came to an abrupt end when Crispin finally managed to gasped out “Mum.”

Lily had never seen Cris so upset, his face was sheet white and his eyes were swimming with tears. Still after a shaky breath he managed to say, “What did the doctor say exactly? What is the prognosis?”

“I am going in next week to have my ovary removed and the doctor believes that after treatment I will be completely fine.”

Cris’ head swung around to Lionel. “Is he good, this doctor?”

“Very, he’s one of the best in his field. I can assure you, Violet will be receiving the finest possible care.”

“Are you sure, because I can pay for private.”

“Cris.” Violet reached out and laid her hand on top of the young man’s. “Everything is going to be just fine. I don’t want anyone to worry about a thing.”

“When’s the surgery?” Lily asked.

“Next Thursday,” Violet answered crisply.

“Sev, we can go back to school late, right?”

Severus’ voice was rough with emotion when he replied. “I imagine if we write to Dumbledore...”

“No, absolutely not,” Violet cut in. “Lily, you and Severus are both going back to school Monday morning, as are you, Cris.”

“But Mum -” Lily protested. “You’ll need help.”

“And what am I?!” Petunia exclaimed.

“Please! You run off to Oxshot every chance you get. You may as well...”

“I’ll be here too, Lily,” May reminded gently.

“Do you really think that’s a good idea now?” Petunia asked. “It’s not as if Mum will be able to handle the extra work when she’s so sick.”

“Petunia, May is moving in as we have all decided and there will be no more said about it. I am telling each and every one of you nothing is changing. I will have Petunia and May here to help me and Lionel to oversee my medical care. I will not let this disease ruin anyone’s education. So that is that. I am having the surgery and we will all go on as we were before.” With that Violet pushed her chair back from the table and tossed her balled up napkin on her plate. “Petunia, you can do the washing up.”

Lionel waited only moments before following his best friend’s wife from the room. If Lily had thought it was pandemonium after her mother’s announcement that was nothing compared to the uproar that now erupted in the room. It seemed to her everyone was talking at once. May frantically asked Alex how soon they could have all her things moved over from her parent’s house so she could settle in and help. Of course, if Lily hadn’t been sitting right next to May she doubted she would have heard a word over Petunia’s shrieking. Apparently the fact that Cris had called their mother ‘Mum’ had not escaped her attention.

“What right do you have to call my mother, Mum?” Petunia yelled.

“She told me I could!”

“That doesn’t matter! You’re not part of this family.”

“Really, then I guess I don’t need to bother to pay for your wedding or half the household expenses around here.”

“We wouldn’t have so many if all of you weren’t around, you and your sister and him!” Petunia flipped her hand in Severus’ direction.

“It’s good to finally see your true colours Petunia. Come on Honoria, we’re leaving.”

“No, Cris don’t go,” Lily protested. “Petunia, I don’t know what your problem is, why you’re so completely bitter. I’m sorry you’re not like Sev and I or that for whatever reason you feel underappreciated. But you have gone far enough. May and Cris are family, Mum and Dad decided that years ago. As for Severus, he’s here to stay and if you don’t like that then that’s too damn bad. The important thing right now is Mum is sick and we all need to do our best to help and support her.

“And that means you, we all, need to get past whatever petty differences and jealousies there are between us, and be the family we’re meant to be, the family mum and dad made. So we can be strong for her, because I know we all love her and want to do whatever it takes to help her get well again.”

Petunia sighed and nodded, calming down quickly. Lily suspected that was primarily due to the threat of losing funding for her precious wedding. “Fine. Crispin, I apologize for what I said. I understand my mother is important to you.”

“Tuney, you’re all important to me.”

“I know, I was just overwrought. Please forgive me.”

“Of course. Now that’s out of the way we need to focus on what to do for Violet.”

“What do you suggest?” Severus asked.

“I don’t – I think we should probably delay going back to school. As helpful as I know Petunia and May will be they still won’t be capable of handling all of the physical aspects of Violet’s care.”

“Such as what?” Petunia questioned.

“Well, I don’t think you and May will be able to carry her up the stairs or into the toilet. You’re going to need either Sev or I to be here.”

“Then I should stay,” Severus announced.

“And how do you figure that?”

“It’s easier for me to miss a few weeks or even a month of school. I...” he looked around the table, to Lily’s eye he looked half embarrassed and half proud... “I’m already ahead. You’d have to catch up. Plus I’m sure Honoria has her own doctor’s appointments and needs loads of rest and special care.”

Honoria laughed lightly. “Severus, I’m pregnant, not ill. I’ll be fine if I miss an appointment or two.”

Cris hesitated and looked at his wife, but whatever thoughts he was prepared to share were cut off when Alex spoke. “Look, I know I’m the newest member of this – group and I don’t know Mrs. Evans anywhere near as well as everyone else here but she strikes me as someone who is going to hold to what she says. If she says she wants everyone to continue on with their lives as normal she means it. The fact is, if the three of you stay, you’ll only upset her and that’s not a good state for someone who is going to have a major surgery to be in.

“I think you should do as she wishes and go back to school. I was going to be here anyway to help May move in and I’m certain we can draw that out as long as needs be. That way I’ll be here to handle all the heavy work the girls can’t do and if we need extra help then I’m certain Petunia and Vernon can come up with some reason for him to make an extended visit.”

From the look Cris was giving Alex, Lily knew May’s boyfriend had just gone up several pegs in her brother’s estimation. “It does sound like a sensible plan.”

“And we’ll ring the second we know anything,” May assured everyone.

“What about me and Sev?” Lily asked, her voice choked.

“You must have some means of communicating quickly,” Alex said, and Lily knew then that May had told him exactly what she and Severus were and the type of school they went to.

“We have the Floo Network,” Severus quickly supplied.

“The what network?” Vernon boomed out, and Lily jumped. She had completely forgotten her sister’s fiancé was in the room.

“Haven’t you told him yet?” Cris asked incredulously.

“No, have you told your wife?”

“Of course I know what Lily and Severus are, Cris told me as soon as we were married.” Honoria supplied.

“Petunia, I demand to know what’s going on.”

“Vernon, please my mother is ill, I really don’t want to talk about Lily and Severus’ issue right now.”

“Well you need to, Petunia, because Sev and I need a plan to get news, otherwise I’m not going anywhere. And we shouldn’t have to sneak around or lie in our own home.”

Petunia looked at all the set faces around the table, sighed and said, “Vernon, I think it would be best if we discuss this in private.”

Vernon shoved his chair back and stalked after his fiancée.

There was a moment of silence before Cris turned to Severus and asked. “What is this about a Floo Network?”

“It’s a way for magical people to communicate quickly, rather like a telephone but through fireplaces.”

“And would one of us be able to use it?”

“No, only another witch or wizard would be able to do that.”

“Do you have the floo in Spinner’s End dearest?”

Severus shook his head regretfully. “No, we’re not connected to the Network. But if someone told my Mum how Violet was then she could apparate to Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley and use a fireplace connected to the network there.”

“And who would...” Lily broke off at the sound of a shout from the lounge. “Should we go check on them?”

“No let them have it out, Lily,” May advised.

Lily nodded before turning her attention back to her best friend. “Who would your mum contact?”

“Dumbledore, I suppose”

“I suppose that’s the best we can do. But May, if anything goes wrong...”

“Then I’ll ask Mrs. Snape to come get you and Severus,” May winced as a shriek cut through the room.

“I’ll go check.” Cris rose from his chair just as the front door slammed and hysterical screaming echoed through the house.

Every chair scraped as the group rose enmass from the table. Lily barely avoided colliding with her mother and Lionel as they came rushing down the stairs.

“What happened?” Violet demanded.

Lily could hear May answering but didn’t bother to stop herself. When she entered the room Lily could see her sister lying in a crumpled up heap on the floor. Swiftly, she crossed the room and gathered Petunia up in her arms. “Shhh, what happened?”

“He left me,” Petunia sobbed.

“Did he hurt you?” Severus asked sharply scrutinizing Petunia closely.

Lily knew no matter what their past differences if Petunia said yes then Severus was going to find Vernon Dursley and make him sorry he was ever born. Maybe Petunia sensed this as well, because her eyes widened with shock as she shook her head no. Severus nodded curtly as Violet bustled around him, wrapping her arms around her daughter. “Oh my baby, my sweet precious baby. What happened?”

“I told him – told him about Lily and Severus.”

“And he was unnerved by that, I guess?” Violet prodded.

Petunia shook her head and clutched her mother closer. “He didn’t believe me. He said we were all mad. So I... ” Petunia broke off in a flurry of sobs.

“Can hardly blame him,” Alex said under his breath. “If I didn’t know May was so honest I wouldn’t have believed her and even then it’s still a little unbelievable.”

“May and I had to see Lily perform magic to believe.” Cris supplied.

“Is that what happened? Did you ask Lily or Severus to do magic for him?” Violet looked around apprehensively for the owl that had delivered warnings when Lily had been imprudent enough to perform magic at home in the past.

“He left me mummy – he said – he said...” What Vernon had said Lily couldn’t make out, but quite clearly the engagement was broken.

“Let it out, let it all out.” Violet rocked her daughter back and forth in her arms.

“Here Tuney, have some water.” May held out a glass that Petunia didn’t take. “It’ll be okay.”

Petunia shook her head against her mother’s chest. “No, it won’t – my heart...”

“I know – I know it hurts,” Violet crooned.

“I didn’t think anything could hurt so badly.”

“You want us to go beat him up?” Cris asked.

That brought a smile to Petunia’s lips. “No, but thank you.”

“That’s what brothers are for.”

“I’m sorry,” Petunia started to sob again.

“Don’t be, you have nothing to be sorry for,” Lily comforted her sister.

“Then why – why didn’t he want me?”

“Because he’s an idiot and he wasn’t good enough for you.” May declared.

“But I love him – What’s wrong with me - Why didn’t he love me...?”

“Oh sweetheart, look,” Violet took her daughter’s face gently in her hands and lifted it up so Petunia was looking out at the room. “Look at all the people who love you. I know it’s horrible but it’s all going to be fine, for now you just cry as long and as hard as you need to.” Violet looked at each of them as she said it, smiling bravely. “I promise everything is going to be just fine. How could it not be, with such a family?”

Lily couldn’t help but believe her as the circle tightened, giving comfort to the sobbing girl on the floor and one another.


	45. Adjustments

Severus watched Violet lead her still-sobbing daughter from the lounge. He was surprised at the amount of pity he felt for Petunia; while they never had been, and he suspected never would be, friends, he still found Dursley’s actions to be utterly contemptible. The room was deafeningly silent until the sound of a shutting door resonated through the house.

 “I never thought he’d actually end up leaving her,” Lily said sadly. “I shouldn’t have pushed her into telling him.”

Lily didn’t have to say she felt guilty; Severus could hear it in every word she said. Ultimately he knew what had happened tonight between Petunia and Dursley had been a certainty from the moment the elder Evans’ girl had first lied to her now ex-fiancé about her sister. It was this idea Severus wanted to get across to his clearly stricken girlfriend. “He had to know at some point if they were going to have any sort of future together.”

“I know,” Lily acknowledged with a sigh. “I just wish things had gone better for Tuney’s sake.”

“I suppose we could say everything happens for a reason and let it go at that,” Cris stated as he collapsed on the sofa, pulling his wife down with him.

Honoria smiled at Cris and curled up next to his side. “Maybe she’ll find someone better now. What do you think about introducing her to Jasper?”

Before Cris could reply, May turned to face the couple on the sofa. “I think it’s best if we give her some time to heal first. We may not have been overly keen on Vernon, but Petunia was.”

Honoria nodded in agreement. “Yes, you’re right.”

Once again silence fell over the room. Severus was certain he wasn’t alone in mentally replaying the events of the evening.

“It’s been one hell of a night,” Cris finally sighed.

“Yes, it has,” Alex agreed. He was sitting on one of the wing chairs, staring pensively at the flower arrangement in the fireplace.

“I –” May started and then stopped abruptly.

“Go on,” encouraged Lily.

“I suppose it’s selfish but I really don’t want to go back to the mausoleum tonight.”

“Me neither,” Cris admitted.

“So stay here, Mum won’t care,” Lily supplied.

May considered this for a moment and then asked, “Where would we all sleep?”

There was a pause as each person contemplated how six people could possibly share two bedrooms. Severus quickly came up with a solution. “Honoria and Cris can have my room.”

“Are you sure, Sev?” asked Cris.

“Yes.” After all he could hardly let a pregnant woman kip on a couch in the lounge. “Lily and May can sleep in her room, which leaves Alex and me in here.”

“That sounds fine to me,” Alex stated.

“I hate to state the obvious but there’s only one sofa in here,” May pointed out.

Alex looked around the room, as if taking in the furniture arrangement for the first time. “I suppose we can flip for it.”

 Lily laughed. “Or you can remember you’re in a house with a witch and a wizard. I’ll just pop upstairs and get my wand, unless you think you can do it without yours, Sev.”

“No, I’d need a wand as well.”

Lily nodded and disappeared, returning a few minutes later with both of their wands. “Here, I figured you could do one and I’d do the other.”

Severus took the offered wand from her hand. “Singles?”

Lily nodded and had just raised her wand when a thought occurred to Severus. He grabbed her wand arm. “The Ministry.”

“We’re of age now,” Lily supplied. Severus looked doubtful for a moment and Lily continued on hastily, “I haven’t gotten any letters for any magic I’ve done this summer.”

“If it’s a problem we can go,” Cris assured.

“No, Lily’s right, we haven’t gotten any letters. You will have to get up off the sofa though.”

Cris nodded and helped his wife to her feet.

“Ready?” asked Severus and Lily nodded and flicked her wand at the sofa while he directed his towards one of the chairs.

Eyes widened as the chair stretched and widened...

“I’ll be,” Alex breathed.

“Oh my...” Honoria gasped at the sight of the now perfectly made beds in the middle of the room. “It‘s really true.”

“Did you think I was making it up?” Crispin asked laughingly.

“No, but there’s a difference between knowing and seeing.”

“I suppose that’s true,” Cris acceded.

For a moment all the non-magical members of the group stood and stared at the transfigured beds. Finally, Cris wished them all a good night and headed upstairs.

“Alex, do you need to borrow anything to sleep in?” Severus asked, thinking he better go and get his nightshirt before Cris and Honoria got too comfortable.

“No, I’m fine in my boxers and vest.”

Severus nodded and left Alex and May to say goodnight figuring they would be done in about the same amount of time it took for him and Lily to do the same. Sure enough, when he returned downstairs May was gone and Alex was comfortably ensconced in one of the beds.

“Goodnight, Severus,” Alex muttered as he turned over.

“Night, Alex.” Severus yawned before quickly falling into a troubled sleep.

Severus woke the next morning to a beam of sunlight streaming onto his face; he gave a groan and rolled over. He was just starting to drift back to sleep when the blanket lifted and a body slid into the bed.

Without opening his eyes, Severus sighed and said, “Lil, if your mother catches us, we’ll be in huge trouble.”

“Then you’d better wake up and get out of bed.”

“What time is it?” he muttered.

“Six.”

Severus groaned again. “Lils.”

“I was thinking –” Lily whispered against the back of his neck.

“Were you?” Severus asked as he reached back to pull Lily’s hand around to rest on his chest.

“Yes.”

There was a long silence before Severus asked, “Are you going to tell me what it was you were thinking?”

“I would come to Spinner’s End with you today.”

“No, absolutely not,” Severus whispered intensely and gripped her hand tightly as if that would keep her put in Bloom Street.

“Why not?”

Across the room, Alex let out a long breath and rolled over. Severus shifted on his bed until he and Lily were face to face. “Because I’m not sure if my father is still there or not.”

“Why would he still be there if your parents are getting divorced?”

“I don’t know that he has anywhere else to go.”

“If there’s even the slightest chance your father is there then I’m definitely coming.”

“Lily!” Severus protested.

“Severus there is no chance in hell I’m letting you be alone with your father.”

Lily looked steely eyed and Severus knew he had already lost this discussion. “Fine, but only on one condition.”

“And that is?”

“If I tell you to leave, you go, no questions asked.” He knew he had his own stubborn look now and it must have been impressive because Lily merely nodded. “Good, then you should go back upstairs.”

“When are you leaving?”

“I don’t know, but not this early, that’s for sure.”

Lily hesitated for a moment, nodded, kissed him and slid out of the bed. Severus fell back asleep, wrapped in the comfort of Lily’s lingering scent. He didn’t get up until Cris shook him awake for breakfast.

Breakfast started out as a much more subdued affair than it normally was. Even Violet appeared to be a little off and it seemed to Severus there wasn’t nearly as much food on the table as usual. Not that it mattered, since it seemed that, yet again, most of them were just picking at the contents of their plates.

“I was thinking I might start moving things over soon, so my parents don’t get suspicious. Since they’re apparently going to be in town for awhile it might be best to sneak things over a little bit at a time, if that’s alright with you, Violet.”

 “Whenever you want to start is fine with me, May.”

“Do you think you’re going to bring your furniture?” Crispin asked his sister.

“I don’t know, it could be hard to move it out without them noticing and I’m not sure there would be room for it here.”

“We can put everything that won’t fit in the house out in the workshop,” Violet supplied.

“Or we can take some things down to my place,” volunteered Alex.

“And Sev and I can help you shrink things; so we could get a lot out in a bag or two.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Severus confirmed. “And if you don’t need it while we’re at school you can even store it that way.”

May smiled broadly. “Sounds perfect, when can we start?”

“Well, I was going to go see my mother right after breakfast but I imagine Lily and I could come by your house this afternoon.”

May smiled broadly. “Great, that will make things so much simpler.”

“What are you going to tell your parents, that way Cris and I are on the same page when they ask us?” inquired Honoria.

“I haven’t decided yet. Any ideas?”

After that, the conversation focused around what to tell the Halls about May’s defection so that there would be minimal fallout for Crispin. Because of this, breakfast lasted a lot longer than Severus had anticipated and so it was nearly noon by the time he and Lily set out on the road to Spinner’s End.

“Remember what I told you?” he asked as the two of them rounded the corner in to his street.

“Yes,” Lily acquiesced grudgingly.

Severus opened the door cautiously, bracing himself for whatever might be on the other side. He hesitated in the doorway for a moment before entering the house and closing the door behind Lily. The first thing his gaze fell on was the stacks of books that now dominated the sitting room. He didn’t need a long look to know these were the magical books his mother had kept hidden for so long. Instantly, he felt himself relax.

“He’s not here,” Severus told Lily, knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt his mother wouldn’t have the books laying around in such a careless manner if his father were even the tiniest bit likely to come by the house.

“I don’t think anyone’s here.” Lily sounded downcast.

Taking in the absolute silence of the house Severus was inclined to agree but still he called out: “Mum?”

Severus waited for a long moment for an answer but none came. “Well, maybe she’s gone to the shops or something.”

“Sev, it doesn’t look to me like anyone has been here in a while.”

“She was just at yours the other day.”

“Still.” Lily’s eyes swept the room.

For the first time, Severus noticed how dusty everything was and how musty the house smelled. “Let me go upstairs and look.”

Lily was still nodding when Severus bounded up the stairs. Only a cursory glance of his parent’s room revealed all of his mother’s clothes were gone. Lily was right, Eileen Snape had left. “Brilliant,” Severus muttered as he shut the wardrobe door.

As he walked downstairs, Severus tried to ignore the frustration he felt at the fact that his mother had left without bothering to tell him where she was going and when – or even if – she would be back.

“She’s gone isn’t she?” Lily asked as he reached the bottom of the stairs.

“I’m sorry, Angel. I really thought she would be here. I guess this changes your plan.”

“So what now?”

“I...”

Lily quickly cut him off. “Maybe we can stay here.”

“What?”

“We could tell Mum we’re going back to school and then come here to stay.”

As tempted as Severus was by the idea of returning to those idyllic days from early summer in Bloom Street, he doubted very strongly his mother would be understanding of the situation if she returned home to find him and Lily living in the Snape House.

“Lily –” Severus sighed and sat down on the sofa, motioning for Lily to join him. “You know I want to help you but the thing is – my mother was raised very strictly and if she came back and found us living here – together – alone with no chaperone, well...”

“She’d be upset.”

“Something like that and she’d tell Violet, which means they, would both be upset.”

“So what do I do then, Sev? I can’t go back to school and wait days to get an owl telling me if Mum’s alright or not.”

Severus racked his brain for any sort of answer. “Could you maybe ask Alice’s or Sabrina’s parents?”

“I don’t know them at all,” Lily said hesitantly. “There must be someone else.”

Severus started to mentally run down the list of everyone he knew outside of school who was magical and apparently reached the name of a likely candidate at the exact same moment as Lily because she blurted out “Frank!” only seconds before him.

“Do you think Frank would do it?” Lily asked excitedly.

“I don’t see why not.”

Lily beamed at him and pulled him up off the sofa. “Come on, we have to get back home and send him an owl.”

Not surprisingly, Lily practically raced back to Bloom Street. Once there, she scribbled off a note and had Archimedes, who had thankfully returned that very morning with their books, winging away in record time. “Now all we have to do is wait.”

Since Lily looked prepared to sit unmoving at her desk until the owl reappeared, Severus reminded her gently that they had promised to go to the Halls’ to help May with the move.

The project turned out to be the perfect thing to get their minds off their troubles. Severus didn’t know if it was because Alex was with them or if Mrs. Hall had an inkling as to what was about to happen but she came upstairs and stayed for hours. Though the longer she sat with them, the more Severus suspected it was because Victoria was hoping to push May and Alex closer together so she would be able to boast about having a titled son-in-law. He doubted there had ever been a mother as oblivious as this one and strongly suspected if the couple wasn’t already so strong in their relationship her efforts would actually have had the opposite effect.

None of the broad hints that were sent her way made Mrs. Hall leave or stopped her from going through each room and describing in detail the redecoration she was planning to make in the wing so Honoria and Cris could have their own space. May barely managed to conceal her irritation when she was informed she was now old enough to move to a downstairs bedroom for the short periods she was home on holiday. In the end, they managed to pack very little. Even worse, when Lily and Severus left to return to Bloom Street for the night, neither of the Hall siblings nor their respective partners were able to escape and all four were forced to stay the night where they were.

When May and Alex reappeared at the Evans’ house the next morning, Margaret stated emphatically it had been the most tedious night of her life. Dinner had seemingly gone on forever with both Victoria and Edmund trying to get out of Alex what his intensions were towards May. Alex had managed to deflect all the questions so Mrs. Hall had pulled May into her dressing room and questioned her into the early hours of the morning. Now May was energetically stating she couldn’t wait to be shot of her parents forever. On the bright side, Honoria had managed to talk Victoria into accompanying her to London to look at new furnishings for her and Cris’ new quarters. No sooner had Mrs. Hall and her daughter-in-law pulled away, than Mr. Hall had left to pay a visit to his latest mistress. While May was working out a strategy to move everything she wanted to keep out of the house before her mother’s return, Archimedes swooped in through the open kitchen window.

“It’s from Frank,” Lily said in response to the questioning looks she was getting from the table’s occupants. She quickly unrolled the parchment and scanned it. When she was done she looked up at Severus. “He’s going to come up this afternoon if that’s alright with us.”

“Fine with me.”

“Mum, it is alright with you if Frank comes by for a little while, isn’t it?”

“Lily, your friends are always welcome here.”

“Will you and Alex be here, May? I would love for you all to meet him.”

“Of course, if you’d like us too,” May replied.

Lily nodded thoughtfully, and went back to eating. After several minutes of silence she put down her fork, “I’ve been meaning to ask, Mum, how are we getting to King’s Cross this year?”

“Cris and I decided he would take you down tomorrow, since he’s leaving to go back to school,” Violet answered just as the young man entered the room.

He paused to give Violet a kiss on the cheek before pulling a chair out and settling down at the table. “Honoria rang and said they definitely won’t be back tonight,” Cris informed his sister before looking at Severus and Lily. “I am assuming the two of you can be ready to go tomorrow.”

“I’m almost finished packing now so it won’t be a problem for me,” Lily assured.

Severus didn’t bother to comment on the state of his packing. He had another issue on his mind... “We’ll be a day early.”

“I’m sure you two can find something to do for a day in Cambridge.”

“And how are we going to get from Cambridge to London?” Severus inquired.

“There’s a train that goes directly to King’s Cross. I thought you could take that,” Cris said around a mouthful of eggs.

“With an owl in tow?” Severus asked bemusedly trying to imagine what the ticket agent would have to say about that.

“Surely some kids from your school must take the train to King’s Cross?” Cris pointed out.

“Perhaps,” Severus conceded “But taking an owl on muggle transportation is not encouraged.”

“Well, we can’t have the two of you getting into trouble so I’ll drive you, but you’ll have to be up early so I can get to London and back in time for my first lecture.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem. Though I guess if we’re leaving tomorrow I should go finish packing now, especially if Frank is coming over this afternoon,” Severus said, excusing himself from the table.

“I take it that all this means Alex and I are on our own with the move?” May inquired.

“No,” Cris immediately assured his sister. “I wasn’t planning on leaving until late in the afternoon anyway, so that gives us plenty of time to help you. Assuming these arrangements work for everybody?”

“Sounds fine to me.” Severus assured.

“Me too,” chimed in Lily, “And since your parents are gone, we’ll be able to shrink everything and get out fairly quickly.”

“You guys are great,” May beamed.

“We do try,” Lily declared with a laugh.

Before leaving the kitchen Severus asked May if there was anything in particular she wanted him to remove from his bedroom, which would become hers after tonight. May assured him it was fine to leave things as they were. Severus bounded up the steps to start his packing and he did not re-emerge until the doorbell echoed through the house.

Entering the lounge, Severus found Lily busily making introductions. Once she was done and everyone was seated, Frank turned to Lily. “I was very sorry to get the letter about your mother, Lily and I’ll be happy to help anyway I can. Though I’m not entirely clear about what it is you want me to do.”

“The thing is, my mum is having surgery to have the cancerous ovary removed next week and she won’t hear of us staying home until after she leaves the hospital and I can’t abide the idea of waiting for an owl to get to me so I know how things went. So, I was hoping we could work out an arrangement where May would let you know what happened and then you could apparate or floo the school or something.”

 “I can do that. Although –” Frank paused and looked at May. “How would you get the news to me?”

“Do you have access to a telephone?”

“Unfortunately not.”

“Maybe – I hate to ask you this –” Lily started, “but maybe you could spend the day up here.”

Frank shook his head sadly. “Lily, I’m sorry but I can’t take a full day off from auror training.”

Lily sighed and looked pleadingly at Severus. “Let’s just stay.”

“Mum’s never going to agree to that, Lily,” Crispin interjected.

“That’s why I was thinking we could stay at Sev’s; his parents are gone so no one would know. Then we’d be here if anything went wrong.”

“We can’t deceive mum like that,” Cris protested.

“There’s no other way, Cris! This was the only solution I could think of and obviously it’s not going to work so tell me what other options are there?”

“How long is the surgery supposed to last?” Severus asked.

“A few hours I think,” May responded.

“And am I am correct in guessing you will be skipping lectures that day, Cris?” questioned Lily.

Crispin hesitated for a moment and then nodded.

“Then May, why don’t you phone Cris from the hospital and he and Frank can arrange to meet somewhere later in the day,” suggested Severus.

“We could do that. Where do you live?” Frank asked.

“Cambridge. Will it be difficult for you to get there?”

“No, I’ll just apparate.”

“So if mum goes in for surgery at 9 she should be out at around 11...” Cris muttered to himself.

“We get a break for lunch somewhere between noon and two. If you can stay in one location during that time I can come around once we’re released and get the news.”

“I’ll be at my flat all day.” Cris pulled out a piece of paper and started to write. “Are you at all familiar with Cambridge?”

Frank smiled. “Yes, I actually live in Cambridge with my parents.”

Cris paused in his writing to look once more at Frank. “I did think you looked vaguely familiar. Do you ever go to the Folk Festival?”

“I went with a cousin two summers ago.”

“Yes! He was a huge bloke looked like he could pull a lorry with his bare hands!”

“That’s Finn,” Frank acknowledged with a laugh before turning his attention back to Lily. “Once Cris lets me know how the surgery has gone, I’ll apparate up to Hogwarts. If you could let Dumbledore know I’ll be coming I would appreciate it. With all the attacks that have been happening this summer they’re going to be tightening security at the school.”

“I’ll talk to the headmaster as soon as we arrive,” Lily promised Frank.

“Perfect.” Frank smiled and shifted slightly on the sofa, and placed the paper with Cris’ address in his back pocket. “Well, I hate to rush things, but Alice is coming to tea and I need to be there when she arrives so...”

Lily rose from her spot on the sofa. “Oh, well – you shouldn’t keep her waiting then.” Lily escorted their guest to the door while thanking him once again for his help and requesting he say hello to Alice for them. There was a brief pause while Frank gave his word to pass the message onto Alice before Lily shut the door and returned to the group.

“At least that’s taken care of.” Cris breathed out a sigh of relief. “Now, on to the next thing. Let’s get May moved out before one of my parents decides to come back unexpectedly.”

There was a general murmur of agreement around the room.

Severus was surprised by how fast the move went once the five of them got back to Queens Road. They had everything shrunk and stuffed into boxes and bags in less than four hours. And by everything he meant EVERYTHING. May’s room was completely empty and the other rooms were looking sparse as well, mainly because May had been so desperate to save anything that held any sort of sentimental value for her. She was convinced her mother would bin anything that remained once May’s defection was discovered. Severus hadn’t the slightest idea what May meant to do with all the furnishings but the frantic look in her eyes made him bite his tongue.

It was with a heavy heart Severus carried his trunk down the stairs the next day. The end of summer had come far too quickly and now, with Violet being ill, he found he really wasn’t looking forward to going back to school. Especially not when he was faced with the fact there was bound to be more pressure on him to conform to the expectations of how a future Death Eater was meant to behave now that his “I want to be Head Boy” excuse was gone. No matter what Lucius had said last November, Severus had the sneaking suspicion a decision would be required of him long before the end of his seventh year.

His lack of enthusiasm was clearly shared by Lily. When he entered the lounge, he found her slumped on the sofa, looking as downcast as he felt. She didn’t bother to look up when he sat down next to her. Instead she grasped his hand and whispered, “Are you sure you won’t change your mind?”

It was a question she had asked half a dozen times in the last twenty-four hours. Each time his answer had been the same, but now he found himself reconsidering. Would it really matter if they didn’t go back to school _now_ , if they stayed in Spinner’s End or even paid for a room elsewhere? Severus vacillated back and forth and was on the verge of agreeing to stay when Violet entered the room. She sighed as she took in the sight in front of her.

“Come now, there’s no need to look so glum. Everything is going to be fine.”

“We’ve never been to King’s Cross without you,” Lily choked out.

“I know.” Violet sat down on the other side of her daughter. “I wish I could go see you both off for your last year but I don’t think I’m up to the trip this time. But –” there was a pause while Violet reached out to take hold the two hands that were not already clasped. “I promise I will be there to pick you up when you come home.

“I don’t want either of you to fret about this. Enjoy your last year of school, it’ll be over before you know it – Severus, I know I don’t have to ask you to look after Lily.”

“Of course not, Violet.”

“And Lily, you are under strict orders to make sure Severus eats and sleeps this year. You always come back looking completely worn out, Severus,” she admonished.

A smile flickered across Lily’s face. “I’ll do my best.”

“That’s all I can ask.”

“Is everyone ready to go?” Cris asked, bustling into the room.

There was a moment of reluctance before Severus nodded and stood. Lily stayed seated, still holding onto her mother’s hand while Severus and Crispin packed the car. Once everything was stowed, they walked back inside for what Severus was sure would be an emotional farewell.

The entire family was gathered in the cream and cranberry room, right down to Petunia. There was a myriad of hugs and whispered promises to write and half-hearted declarations that everything would be fine. Severus noted they each had the same tight, constricted sound to their voices. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw May surreptitiously wipe away a tear. Petunia was evidently close to losing control because for the first time in their lives she embraced him all be it very briefly. He had yet to recover from the shock of this hug when Cris chided them out the door and into the car.

As they drove away, Lily twisted around to stare out the back window. When the four figures outside faded from view, Lily’s shoulders began to shake. Instantly Severus undid his seatbelt and slid across the bench seat to her side, wrapping his arms around her. “Shh, Angel – shh.”

His heart broke as Lily’s sobs wracked her body and echoed around the car. All he knew to do was hold her closer and stroke her hair. When Crispin pulled into a car park, dropped his head to the steering wheel and began to cry, Severus was at a complete loss as to what to do.

“Sod it!” he exclaimed. “Let’s just stay in Spinner’s End.”

This statement seemed to pull Cris back from his dejection. He wiped the tears from his face and straitened up. “No, we told mum we were going to school so that’s what we’re doing.” Without another word Crispin restarted the car and pulled back onto the road.

Severus reached out and gripped Crispin’s shoulder before going back to trying to sooth Lily, but no matter what Severus did, Lily continued to sob into his shoulder. He was feeling more and more hopeless. Then, they passed a road Severus recognized from earlier in the summer.

“Cris, turn here!”

“This isn’t the way to Cambridge.”

“I know that. Cris, please, just humour me,” Severus pleaded.

Without another word Crispin spun the car around and followed Severus’ directions to the little lane where Violet had stopped on the way to Cris’ wedding. “What are we doing here, Severus?”

“It’s for Lily,” Severus muttered. “Come on, Angel, let’s go for a walk.”

Lily looked confused as he drew her out of the car and down the lane. That look faded as the pair approached the garden and the white house sitting in the middle of it. “Why are we here?” Lily asked breathlessly.

“I thought it might cheer you up to visit ‘the most magnificent house you’ve ever seen.’”

Lily beamed up at him. “Sev...”

Severus could feel Lily relax as she drank in the landscape.

“Is there a reason we’re standing outside of someone’s house like a bunch of stalkers?” asked Crispin, coming up the way, hands stuffed in his pockets.

Severus waved his hand at the garden. “This is Lily’s dream house.”

“I didn’t say that,” she protested.

Severus chuckled. “You didn’t need to, love. It’s written all over your face.”

Crispin leaned back against the post and took the couple in. “I can see the two of you here.”

“Me too,” Lily whispered.

For the first time Severus truly looked at the house. If this was the kind of home Lily wanted then he would find one exactly like it and buy it for her someday.

“Well, I hate to break up the daydream party but if we’re going to get to mine before dark we have to leave now.”

Severus could tell Lily was infinitely more relaxed by the time they arrived in Cambridge. While the tense look was still in her eyes, Cris’ humorous attempts to make dinner at least had her laughing. After doing the washing up and peeling pasta from the wall where Cris had flung it to check whether or not it was done, Severus headed for the guestroom.

If there was one perk to staying at Cris’ for the next two nights it was the fact there was only one guest room and Crispin had no issue with Severus and Lily sharing it. Severus opened the door to find Lily sitting in the middle of the bed, distractedly brushing her damp hair. Clearly she was back to worrying.

“Here, I’ll do that.” He took the brush from her hand and began pulling it gently through her locks.

“Mum used to do that when I was little.”

“I can stop if you want.”

“No, I like it.”

There was a long paused before Severus asked, “So, what would you like to do tomorrow?”

“Don’t care.”

Severus sighed and put the brush down before wrapping his arms around her. “It’ll be fine, Lily. Violet’s a fighter and Dr. Archer sounded optimistic.”

“I know, I do. It’s just hard to leave when everything’s such a mess. Mum’s sick. Petunia’s been dumped. The Hall’s are going to have a nutty when they realize what May’s done. To top it off, you’re still not officially out of the potential Death Eater’s camp.”

“On the other hand, Cris is going to be a dad. Alex seems like a nice bloke. My mum’s finally chucked my father. That prat, Vernon is gone. We got to spend the whole summer together. So, all in all, I think it was a pretty good holiday.”

Lily turned and beamed up at him. “You’re right, it was. I’m sure mum will be fine. I don’t know why I’m worrying so much.”

“Because you’re an amazingly loving woman,” Severus yawned widely “And I’m an amazingly tired man.”

“Let’s get some sleep then. We can figure out what to do tomorrow in the morning.”

Severus nodded and attempted to stifle another yawn while digging a nightshirt out of his trunk.

“You know, you can change in here,” Lily said as he was about to leave the room.

“Are – are you sure?”

Lily nodded, blushing slightly. Severus hesitated for a second but then pulled his shirt off over his head.

“Did your father do this?” Lily’s hand lightly brushed a scar on his left side.

Severus chuckled lightly. “Believe it or not, I actually did that to myself.”

“How?”

Severus slid the nightshirt on quickly and pulled off his trousers before climbing into bed. Then he began to tell her of his disastrous attempt to catch a kitten he thought had gotten stuck in a drain. Long before the story was over they had both drifted off, wrapped contentedly in each other’s arms.

The next day passed in a whirlwind of sightseeing. Cris was determined to show them every place of personal significance to him and kept them going at such a pace that Severus and Lily were both asleep the instant their heads hit their pillows that night. Which Severus suspected was Cris’ intention.

It was still early when Cris shook them awake and explained they had to leave soon if he was going to be back in time for his lecture. They each tried to be as cheery as possible on the ride to the train station but Severus could tell it was mostly forced. A fact that was even more apparent when they hugged Cris goodbye.

“Cris, if anything happens...” Lily began.

“I’ll find a way to come get you both, I promise. For now though don’t worry, just enjoy your last year.”

Lily nodded and gave him a watery smile. Severus grasped Cris by the hand. “Thanks Cris.”

“No worries mate, don’t you study too hard.”

 “Let us know how Honoria’s coming along with the baby,” Lily urged.

“Will do. Well – I should go. Write when you get there so we know you arrived safe and sound.”

It was what Violet had said to them every time they caught the train and Severus felt his throat clench. Next to him, Lily choked back a sob. Cris gave them both a quick hug and swiftly walked away but not before Severus saw the tears glimmering in the other man’s eyes.

“Do you want to get some breakfast?” Severus croaked out several minutes later.

“I’m not particularly hungry,” responded Lily.

Severus wasn’t either, but he also knew they could get nothing but sweets from the trolley on the train and for once the idea of nothing but sweets didn’t appeal to him. So he persuaded Lily into getting something vaguely nutritious from one of the stands scattered around the station. Despite the leisurely pace at which they ate their meal and Severus’ stop at a newsstand, they were still several hours early and when they entered Platform 9¾, the train wasn’t even there.

Sighing, Severus sat down on a bench and opened the paper he bought.

“Do you have to do that right now?” Lily snapped, sounding amazingly like her older sister.

Severus had wondered when Lily would get to the angry stage and here was his answer. Patiently, he folded up the newspaper and dropped it down next to him. “I’m sorry. You know I’m not good at sitting around doing nothing.”

“I know and I didn’t mean to bite your head off. Can you just talk to me?”

“Of course, what would you like to talk about?”

“Who do you think will be Head Boy?”

“Remus.”

“Really, don’t you think he would have said something by now if he got it?”

“Not necessarily.”

“He didn’t say anything about it in his last letter.”

“His last letter was entirely about Nan.”

“I’m glad Dumbledore talked Mrs. Lupin into not sending her to America.”

“Well, it certainly made Remus happy.”

“Yes, hopefully...” Lily broke off as the train pulled into the platform. “Do you think we should load our trunks now or wait?”

“Might as well get it over with. Does it matter if I go into the prefect compartment to help you?”

“No,” Lily answered, grabbing one of the handles of her trunk.

“I’ll get it. You take Archimedes.”

Severus paused for a moment to take in the plush upholstery of the prefects’ compartment before climbing back down on the track to load his own trunk.

“So what compartment do you want to be in this year?” Severus asked hefting his trunk up and starting down the length of the train. When Lily didn’t answer he turned to look at her. “Lil?”

Slowly she walked down the platform. “I don’t know if I’m going to be able to meet you.”

Severus felt the trunk sliding from his shoulder and managed to place it on the ground before it fell, narrowly missing his foot. “Not at all?”

“I – there’s so much for the Head Boy and Girl to do, make up the patrol schedules, train the new prefects...”

 “We’ve never not ridden together for at least part of the way...” Severus said, deliberately choosing to forget the dreadful ride home at the end of their fifth year.

“I know, I don’t like it any more than you do but I’m not sure there’s a way around it.”

All Severus could do was stand there and stare at her. For a fleeting second he wished he had told her to turn down the offer to be Head Girl. He knew it was petty and it _was_ just a train ride, but still he couldn’t help but feel let down. He had thought this would be their first chance to really be open about their relationship among their peers; instead he would be making the trip without her.

“I’ll see what I can do, dearest,” Lily declared. “Even if I can’t work something out I promise to meet you after the feast to say goodnight.” Somehow this did nothing to sooth Severus. Something Lily evidentially picked up on because she continued on in her most winning voice. “Sev, you know I love you and I would rather be with you than making up schedules or giving lectures.”

“I know, I’m just – I hadn’t thought about this part when you were made Head Girl. I should have, but I didn’t.”

“It’s only this one thing. Otherwise it’ll be like every other year.”

Somehow that didn’t sound quite right to Severus but he didn’t want to point that out since they were both already so emotionally raw. “Guess I can sit anywhere then.”

“I’d prefer place where Avery and Mulciber can’t find you.”

“So you want me to ride to Hogwarts in the girl’s loo?”

“Sev!” Lily pushed him playfully.

In the end, he settled for a compartment in the middle of the fourth carriage, hoping since it wasn’t as isolated as he generally chose to be, his classmates wouldn’t bother to look for him there. For once luck was with him because he was joined not by Avery and Mulciber but Ametus, Julia and Clive. The four of them passed the time comfortably enough, exchanging recaps of their summer holidays and playing rounds of exploding snap. The only fly in the ointment was Lily never appeared. Nor did he see her as he got into a carriage for the ride from the station to the school.

He was scanning the Gryffindor table, oblivious to the headmaster’s speech, when Marius Avery dropped down on the bench next to him and whispered: “So Snape, I hear you’re dating Evans.”

“Who told you that?” Severus asked, though he suspected he already knew the answer.

“Anastasia. Is it true?”

“Yes, it’s true.”

“Do you really think –” Avery paused to applaud as the first student was sorted into Slytherin, “that’s such a wise idea?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“She’s a mudblood!” Avery blurted out as an ovation rang out from the Ravenclaws.

“And she’s my girlfriend so I would appreciate it if you spoke about her with some respect.”

A cheer rose from the Gryffindor table as they got their first new member. Mulciber took this opportunity to move down the table to sit on the other side of Severus. “What are the two of you whispering about?”

“Snape’s decided it would be a good idea to date Evans.”

“Really?” Mulciber sounded vaguely impressed by the news.

“Yes, Lily and I are dating.”

“At least tell me you haven’t shagged her,” Avery demanded.

Severus applauded as another student went to Slytherin, waiting until the noise died down to answer. “Marius, as ever, I do not kiss and tell.”

“We’ll see what Lucius has to say about this.”

“He already knows,” Severus drawled unconcernedly.

“And he has no issues with it?”

“None what so ever.”

Avery opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by Vincent. “Marius, let it go. If Lucius says it’s fine, then it’s fine. Besides, we have a bigger problem at the moment.”

“And that would be?”

“Figuring out how in the hell Potter got to be Head Boy and ...”

“What!” Severus exclaimed loudly just as there was a lull in the hall, earning him a glare from Professor McGonagall. Hastily, he lowered his voice and hissed, “you must be joking!”

“No, look,” Vincent pointed at a spot towards the front of the Gryffindor table.

Sure enough, there was James Potter, the Head Boy badge pinned proudly to the front of his robes, a stupid grin plastered on his face.

“He wasn’t even a prefect!” Avery protested.

“But he was quidditch captain, puts him on the same level,” Mulciber reminded them.

Severus was certain the blood was boiling in his veins. James Potter was Head Boy. James Potter who had tried to have him killed not once but twice. Potter, who had spent years trying to steal Lily away from him, the same boy who would now be spending countless hours alone in Lily’s company.

“Bloody bastard!” Severus shot a disparaging look at the headmaster. If he had ever needed proof of Dumbledore’s blatant favouritism, he now had it. “If you’ll excuse me, I think I just lost my appetite.”

“The Sorting’s not done,” Vincent chided.

“I couldn’t care less,” Severus snapped rising from the table. Without a backward glance he stalked from the Great Hall, ignoring the whispers that accompanied his departure.

 


	46. Discussions

Lily woke the next morning, sighed and rolled over to stare at the crimson hangings of her bed. The room was absolutely quiet, for which she was thankful. Yesterday had been trying beyond belief and she needed some peace to try and wrap her brain around it all.

Things had started out well enough. There had been smiles and congratulations from various prefects as they entered the compartment and saw the Head Girl badge pinned to Lily’s robes. When the first of the seventh years entered she looked for the corresponding Head Boy badge. She was grateful not to see it pinned to Tristian Shrewsbury. If Severus couldn’t be Head Boy then Lily preferred the Slytherin prefect didn’t get it either. She didn’t know why but somehow she had a feeling Tristian being Head Boy would make it worse for Severus.

When the Hufflepuff prefect also appeared without the badge Lily began to suspect Remus would, in fact, be her co-Head. She had completely made up her mind this was the case, when he entered the compartment, speaking to someone over his shoulder. It took only a flicker of a glance to ascertain that Remus, unfortunately, was not the Head Boy either. Lily felt her heart sink a little. Great, she would now have to spend an entire year dealing with Nathaniel. Then, as the next person entered the compartment, her heart stopped altogether.

“Hello Lily,” the boy said cheerfully.

Lily was speechless; never in a million years had she expected James Potter to end up as Head Boy. She fought the urge to drag him into the corridor and question him relentlessly until she found out exactly what James Potter had done to make Dumbledore think he was deserving of such an important role. Instead, she quickly remembered her position and pulled herself together enough to conduct the start of term meeting.

Afterward, so many people came to her with requests for their patrol schedules, questions and all around fiddly concerns that it was ages before she and James could start putting together the term’s schedule. By the time they were finished, the train was pulling into Hogsmeade station, leaving Lily no time to go find Severus and break the news to him.

Lily was on her feet and grabbing her cloak before the train had stopped moving. James called something out after her, but she didn’t pause to hear what he had said. Her only thought was to find Severus and tell him what had happened before someone else broke the news to him. For some mystifying reason, it appeared the passengers were all intent on getting to the castle in record time because it seemed the entire population of the school was swarming off the train and towards the carriages at once instead of dallying as they usually did. Despite Severus’ height Lily was unable to locate him in the horde of students crowding the platform. Letting out an exasperated breath, she scrambled into the closest carriage and hoped she would be able to locate him in the Great Hall before the feast began.

It was not to be; despite her best efforts Lily was accosted in the entrance hall by Aioffe Thistledown, the newest Ravenclaw prefect. The girl appeared to have come up with an endless list of question about her duties during the train ride. Lily watched resignedly as the girl unrolled at least a foot of parchment. She answered each of the inquiries as patiently as possible, all the while anxiously looking over the younger girl’s shoulder into the hall. When, at long last, all of the questions had been asked and answered Lily rushed away, for once unconcerned about how rude she may appear.

Unfortunately, by this time everyone was already settled at their respective tables and the sorting had begun. She gave up finding Severus as a lost cause and made her way to the Gryffindor table, flopping down only a few spots away from the Marauders who were all whispering gleefully to one another. She had barely leaned across a second year she didn’t recognise to ask Sabrina if she had seen Severus when Sirius smirked. “Guess Snivellys’ not too happy about your news, Prongs.”

Lily watched despondently as her boyfriend stalked from the hall, his face black as thunder. This situation was clearly going to be much worse than she had anticipated. She stayed at the feast just long enough to hear Dumbledore’s speech, and eat the tiniest plate of food imaginable before pleading a headache and heading off to the dorm and bed.

Far too soon for her tastes the sounds of exuberant celebration carried up the stairs. She could only guess at the level of elation felt by the house at the revelation that both of the Heads were from Gryffindor. She wished she could share the house’s enthusiasm but she couldn’t muster the slightest bit of cheerfulness at this moment. Already dreading the next morning, she pulled closed the bed hangings, cast a silencing charm and drifted off into a restless sleep hoping the situation would look better after some rest.

Regrettably things seemed to be as bleak now as they had the previous night. Lily rolled out of bed with a sigh. It was still quite early and all her roommates were sound asleep. Despite the early hour, she had no doubts what so ever Severus would already be awake, assuming he had slept at all. Whether or not he would come out of his common room before class was an entirely different question. She hoped so, since the alternative was to waylay him outside of one of his lessons and she wasn’t keen on that idea since she knew he was undoubtedly having a hard time keeping his temper intact and it would take very little to push him over the edge.

Lily pushed this bleak thought out of her mind, dressed and hastened out of the room as quickly as possible, since Sabrina was starting to stir in her bed. The common room was thankfully empty when she slipped through it, in fact, the whole castle appeared to be deserted and almost eerily quiet as she made her way down to the dungeons. There was no one in sight at the entrance to Slytherin house and for a split second Lily contemplated knocking and seeing what happened. She swiftly dismissed the idea and instead returned to the stairs and dropped down on them to sit and wait for a Slytherin to appear.

The minutes seemed to crawl by like hours. Lily was beginning to wish she had brought a book when a stretch of the stone wall swung open. There was a brief pause, just long enough to let her hope Severus was about to emerge, before Tristan appeared. Lily brushed aside her disappointment and jumped to her feet. “Tristan.” The boy looked startled to see her there but covered his surprise quickly.  “Is Severus still in there?” She asked without a pause.

“Yes.”

“Could you please tell him I’m out here and I’d like to see him?”

The prefect hesitated before nodding and going back the way he’d just come. It seemed to take an eternity before he reappeared. “He’ll be out in a few minutes,” he muttered before striding off down the corridor.

Sooner than Lily would have anticipated, the wall opened and Severus stomped out, his expression as angry as it had been the night before. She took a deep breath, unsure of what to say in light of his obvious fury. Finally she settled for a tentative “good morning” in an attempt to break the ice.

Severus merely grunted in reply.

“Please, don’t do that.”

“Do what?” he asked brusquely.

“Ignore me.”

“I’m not.”

“I know you’re not happy about – the Head Boy situation.”

Severus scoffed. “Is that what we’re calling it? I thought ‘blatant favouritism’ would be a better description.”

“I’m sure Dumbledore must have his reasons, even if...”

“Don’t!” Severus hissed. “Don’t try to slough this off or find some way to justify it, because there’s no way to!” With each word Severus’ voice rose in volume.

Lily grabbed his arm and pulled him into a deserted classroom where he continued with his rant. “Potter deserves to be Head Boy like my father deserves to be Prime Minister! Please, please tell me what that wanker has ever done to make him worthy of this position?!”

Lily didn’t know how to answer Severus because it was the same question she had been asking herself from the moment James had first appeared with the shiny badge on his chest. “I don’t know,” she admitted.

Her confession seemed to take some of the wind out of Severus’ sails. He let out a frustrated breath and hoisted himself onto a table. “I don’t understand what he did that I didn’t. As hard as I think, I can’t come up with any explanation beyond the headmaster’s preference for his own house.”

“I admit, it doesn’t look good. I can only assume Dumbledore knows something about Potter we don’t.”

Severus didn’t bother to reply to Lily’s statement but that didn’t stop the look of skeptism that flitted across his face.

“You can’t let this eat at you, dearest.” Once again, Severus didn’t reply. All of a sudden, it occurred to Lily there might be another reason for his silence. “You’re mad now that I didn’t give it up aren’t you? Mad at me.”

“No,” he shook his head. “No, angel, I’m not angry with you, I promise. I’m just frustrated by the situation.”

“I know, I understand. And I know you think Dumbledore is prejudiced against you.”

“Not me personally, I doubt I even register on his radar, but he’s clearly anti-Slytherin.” Lily started to reply but Severus held up a hand to stop her. “Lily, I know you think highly of the man but this is the way I feel and nothing you say is going to change my mind right now.”

Lily sighed. She hadn’t discussed it with Severus yet, but lately she had been contemplating going to Dumbledore to ask for help getting Severus away from You-Know-Who. As things stood, there was no way her boyfriend was going to agree to that idea, at least not in the foreseeable future, if ever. She felt that if they at least knew why Dumbledore had made the decision to make James Head Boy it might help restore some of Severus’ faith in the headmaster. Generally speaking, Lily had the utmost faith in Dumbledore but this once she couldn’t help but feel his judgement might be wanting.

Lily wanted to defend her idol to the man in front of her but couldn’t find a thing to say that might make Severus feel more well-disposed towards Dumbledore. The best she could hope for was finding something to say that would make the situation more tolerable for Severus. “Maybe it won’t be so bad, James being Head Boy,” she said sliding onto the table next to him.

“Yeah and maybe the Earth will start spinning in the opposite direction.”

“No, I mean it, think of it this way, at least I’ll be able keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn’t take advantage of his position.”

“Great, just what I want, you spending more time with Potter.”

“Are you saying you don’t trust me?” demanded Lily.

Severus looked taken aback by the question. “No, of course not. But trusting you doesn’t mean trusting Potter. I’ll bet you anything you like he still fancies you.”

Lily started to protest but Severus cut her off. “He’ll try something this term as surely as I’m sitting next to you right now.”

 “Sev, look at me.” Once the boy’s gaze met hers, she calmly declared, “nothing is going to happen between James and me. Trust me. I love you, I want to be with you and only you and nothing James Potter says or does is going to change that in the least.”

“I know that and you know that, but does he?”

“I did tell him we’re together, remember?” Severus nodded slowly. Lily continued, “and we went to Mr. Lupin’s funeral together. Come on Sev, Potter’s not as thick as you’d like to believe him to be.”

Severus gave a sniff of disbelief. Lily sighed, unsure of how to make the situation better. “You know, I’m as unhappy about this as you are.”

“I doubt that.”

“I am. You know I wanted it to be you.” There was a long pause before she hesitantly said, “If you’ve changed your mind about me being Head Girl...”

“No – no.” He shook his head emphatically. “Keep it. I told you I wanted you to be Head Girl and I meant it. You handle this Potter business anyway you think best and I promise I’ll support you all I can.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes. Lils, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. It threw me for a loop finding out Potter was Head Boy and I’ve had all night to stew. Sorry, if I’ve behaved badly.”

“You haven’t. Badly would have been finding James and hexing him.”

Severus shrugged, “I figured it’s not worth having you angry at me, so...”

“You have grown up,” Lily laughed happily.

“I’m trying, not always sure I’m succeeding, but I am trying.”

Lily took his face in her hands and pressed a light kiss to his lips. “You’re succeeding beautifully. I’m not sure I could be any prouder of you at this moment.”

Severus’ face flushed. “Thank you. I’m proud of you too. You know that right?”

“For what?”

“Being Head Girl, being you.”

It was Lily’s turn to blush. “Sev.”

He was leaning in to kiss her when Lily’s stomach gave a huge rumble causing Severus to pull back, his eyes wide. “Wow.”

“Guess I’m hungry.”

“I’ll say. Didn’t you eat last night?”

“Not really, I was pretty upset.”

He frowned. “That’s a bad habit to get into.”

“Please, you do it all the time.”

“How do you think I know it’s a bad habit?” he returned smirking. “Come on, let’s go feed you.” Severus slid off the table and held out a hand to her.

Lily jumped down and took the proffered hand, entwining her fingers with his. Before they left the room Severus paused and looked down at her. “I love you, Lily.”

“I love you too.”

She knew he was feeling especially vulnerable at the moment. It had to rankle to work so hard to get something only to see it handed to the person you liked least in school. She wanted to give him a boost so badly that she said. “You know, I have to go talk to Dumbledore about Frank, maybe when I do I could ask him why he picked James.”

Severus seemed to be mulling over the idea as they climbed the stairs. It wasn’t until they reached the top that he expelled a breath and said, “if you want, but it’s not as if it’ll make any difference.”

“At least we’d know.”

“I’m not sure I want to.” It was a sour reply, telling Lily just how much being overlooked had hurt him.

It was all it took for her to decide. Even if Severus didn’t want to know why the choice had been made she did. “I think I might go talk to the headmaster now.”

Severus’ grip on her hand tightened. “And I think you’d do better to eat first.”

“I’m not that hungry,” she stated just as her stomach gave another loud rumble.

His only reply was to smirk at her. “Fine, you win, I’ll eat first.” Lily huffed.

Severus laughed and entered the Great Hall, letting go of her hand as he did. Lily didn’t know why but somehow the act caused her a momentary pang. “Do you want to meet later?” he asked.

What she really wanted was to eat breakfast with him and was about to say so when she saw the look Marius Avery was giving them from the Slytherin table. It sent chills racing up and down her spine; she didn’t think she could spend the whole of breakfast with him looking at her like that, “Since we have double potions together I’d say that’s inevitable.”

Severus gave an exasperated huff. “Lil.”

“How about I let you walk me to class?”

“Works for me, let me know when you’re ready to go,” he turned and walked to the Slytherin table.

Lily felt a twinge as he walked away; it was the first time since the start of the summer he had left her without kissing her first. Sighing softly to herself, she dropped down at the Gryffindor table and pulled a platter of bacon towards her.

“Good morning, Lily.”

“Morning, Remus.”

“How are you today?”

Lily shrugged.

“Lily, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about James being Head Boy. I meant to, but then Dad –” Remus’ voice caught, “well, you know and then there was the stuff with Mam and –” he lowered his voice to a barely audible whisper. “Nan, and it completely slipped my mind. I hope you know I didn’t keep it from you on purpose.”

“I do, I don’t blame you, Remus, honest.”

“How’s Severus taking it?”

“Not well.”

“I figured he wouldn’t. I feel awful I didn’t give you two some sort of warning.”

Lily couldn’t stand to see Remus looking so guilty and instantly tried to reassure him. “Severus’ll be fine in a few days. It was just a bit of a shock to him.”

“It was to us too.” Remus admitted honestly.

“Remus – do you know why Dumbledore did it?”

“I’m not completely sure, no.”

“So, James didn’t say anything to you? He didn’t have any guesses?”

A slight frown curled the man’s lips. “I do think James knows or at least has a good idea why.”

“Why do you think that?”

“He didn’t seem quite as surprised as the rest of us.”

“But he didn’t actually tell you what the reason was?”

“Not, explicitly.”

Lily exhaled the breath she had been holding.

“If you want, I can ask James to talk to you about it.”

“No, I know the four of you aren’t as close as you use to be after what happened last term and I don’t want to put you in an awkward position.”

“Alright, let me know if you change your mind.” Remus hurriedly finished as the rest of the Marauders joined them at the table.

The meal became infinitely livelier at that point and even more so when Lily’s roommates joined the group. There were jokes and stories about the summer and a little bit of teasing from Sirius about Remus and Sabrina; apparently he had walked in on them when they were in the midst of a particularly amorous moment. Lily even joined in a little, but mostly she kept her eyes trained on where Severus was sitting at the Slytherin table. Even from the other side of the room she could tell things were tense between him and Avery. When it looked to her that he was close to his breaking point she rose, told her friends she would see them downstairs and walked towards the door of the Great Hall.

It didn’t take Severus long to join her. “So, potions then.”

They started down to the dungeons in silence. Lily could sense Severus was more on edge now than he had been earlier. There was only one thing that could account for the worsening of his mood.

“What’s happened between you and Avery?”

“Nothing.” Lily gave him a disbelieving glance. “Nothing– I mean it – it’s petty really.”

“Then you should be able to tell me about it.”

Severus sighed. “Last night he knocked some of my things over, ‘accidentally’ walked into me, cut me out of the conversation he and Vincent were having, things like that. It’s nothing ominous.”

“Sev, you wouldn’t be this worked up if that’s all it was.”

“He made a few comments about you that irritated me.”

“Let me guess, he thinks you shouldn’t be dating me.”

“Something like that, though he worded it more crudely.”

“I’ll bet –”

“I expected him to say something; I just didn’t think he’d be so blatant about his disapproval.”

 “Maybe we should look at it as a good thing.”

“How so?” Severus asked as they entered the Potions room and sat down at their usual table.

“Mightn’t the escalation mean you’re closer to being uninvited?”

“Or Avery’s just being an arse.”

“But looked at alongside Lucius’ letter couldn’t it be proof of the group’s dissatisfaction with you?”

“You do have a point. Though I can’t help but think...” Severus stopped abruptly.

Lily chided him on. “Go on...”

“I don’t know – If You-Know-Who was that unhappy with me then it’d be over. It wouldn’t be just these trivial little acts, they would be more overt.” He sighed, “I have a feeling it’s going to be an extremely long year.”

“You said that last year and then it went by so quickly I felt like I was in a whirl half the time.”

“Let’s hope this year works out the same way then.”

The arrival of several other students meant their conversation had to stop for the time being. Lily gave Severus a reassuring smile and a quick hand squeeze under the table. No matter what he thought, she was certain Avery’s behaviour meant they were on the right track. The thought gave her a good deal of comfort. With the way things had gone for the last few days, they could use some good news.

At that moment, Slughorn bounced into the room, beaming happily at the class. “Good morning, seventh years. Since this is your last year of potions here at Hogwarts I have organized a special lesson for today. If everyone would come up to my desk, we can get started.”

All around the room, chairs scraped on the stone floor as students rose and shuffled to the front of the room. Lily quickly took in the cauldrons on the desk and the varying contents. Not surprisingly, Slughorn asked the class to identify each of the potions, which ranged from Amortentia to Veritaserum. When the last of the potions had been named Lily expected Slughorn to tell them to return to their desks. Instead he pulled a small vial from his breast pocket. Next to her, Lily heard Severus’ breath catch.

“Does anyone know what this is?” Severus’ hand shot into the air almost before the professor was done asking the question. “Mr. Snape?”

“It’s Felix Felicis, sir.”

“Correct, 20 points to Slytherin. Can you tell me what it does, Mr. Snape?”

“It’s a potion that gives the taker unusually good luck for a certain amount of time, depending on the amount of the potion consumed, but you have to be careful, because too much can be toxic.”

“Correct again, another 20 points to Slytherin. Felix Felicis is more commonly known as liquid luck and as Mr. Snape stated, if too large an amount is taken it can cause giddiness, recklessness and a dangerous amount of overconfidence. I have taken Felix twice in my life and two more perfect days you couldn’t imagine.

“There is enough Felix in here for the taker to enjoy 2 hours of sheer bliss and it is the prize today for whichever one of you can brew me a perfect batch of the Draught of Living Death before the end of class.”

People began to move away from the desk whispering to each other excitedly. Severus’ face was as determined as Lily had ever seen it. Without even looking at his book, Severus began to pull ingredients out of his potions kit. Lily was flipping through her book when Slughorn spoke again. “I should tell you, that in all my years as a professor not one student has ever managed to claim the prize.”

His words caused the anticipation in the room to increase. Next to her, Severus had finally opened his book and was running a finger swiftly down the page before reaching for a knife. After that, Lily gave her complete concentration to her brewing and lost track of what else was going on in the room. She was determined to win the potion; she had no doubt at all, that if they had it, Severus would be able to escape from You-Know-Who with a minimal amount of difficulty.

She gave a last stir to her potion just as Slughorn started his tour at the back of the room. It was clear from his comments no one had even come close to brewing the perfect draught. She was full of hope by the time he arrived in front of her cauldron. Slughorn dipped a spoon in and let the liquid run back into the vessel. “This is close Miss Evans, very close, the closest I’ve ever had, but unfortunately, there is still a faint hint of lavender.”

Lily sighed in exasperation as Slughorn wiped the spoon off and continued to her tablemate.

“Let’s see what you have for us, Mr. Snape.” Slughorn dipped the spoon in and examined the contents closely, even sniffing the liquid. “Well, well. This is well done, Severus, well done indeed! I have no doubt one drop would kill us all.” Slughorn reached into his pocket and pulled out the vial of liquid gold. “Congratulations on being my first winner.”

Severus beamed happily as he took the offered vial. Lily could hear some grumbling coming from the back of the room as people gathered their satchels and supplies and left the room.

She watched while Severus carefully placed the phial in his potions kit. “I should have known you would win, not sure why the rest of us bothered really.”

“Nonsense, you were close, Slughorn said so.”

“Yes, but close isn’t good enough. When are you going to use it?” Lily asked as they left the room.

Severus shrugged. “I thought I’d save it until I really needed it.”

“You don’t think you really need it now?”

“No.”

“What about –” Lily glanced around to make sure there was no one around to over hear them. She didn’t see anyone but lowered her voice to a whisper just in case. “Getting away from You-Know-Who?”

Severus paused and looked at her thoughtfully. “I can’t see how it would help at the moment. It seems best to save it in case the plan doesn’t work and they ask me for a flat out answer.”

“That’s true. God, I wish this was over with.”

“Me too, it would be nice to have one less stress in my life.”

Lily couldn’t agree more. “What class do you have now?” asked Lily when they came to the top of the stairs.

“Arithmancy. You?”

“History of Magic.”

“Guess I’ll see you at Defense then.” Once again, Severus strolled away without kissing her. Lily didn’t know why she was so annoyed by the act but she was.

She had resolved to say something to him that night after dinner but since he clearly got caught in the midst of an altercation between Avery and Shrewsbury, Lily decided it was better to table the discussion for the moment. When Severus pulled her into a broom cupboard on the third floor later that night she decided she was being silly. Especially since she could so obviously feel the effect she was having on him. By the time they clambered out of the cupboard, over an hour later, a little tussled and infinitely happier, Lily had completely changed her mind about saying anything at all about the lack of kissing earlier in the day.

“Meet me tomorrow morning.”

“Where?” asked Severus.

“The Great Hall at 9.”

“Why so late?”

“I have to go tell Dumbledore about Frank and I didn’t think you would want to come with me for that.”

“I do think that’s one thing I can skip.”

“Then I’ll meet you as soon as I’m done with the Headmaster.”

“Sounds good. Good night, Lily.” Severus leaned in and gave her one last kiss.

“Good night, Sev,” she murmured a moment later.

Alice was scribbling away at a letter when Lily arrived back in the dorm.

“Writing to Frank?”

“Yes.” Alice paused, carefully put down her quill before looking up at Lily. “Have you talked to Dumbledore about Frank yet?”

Lily shook her head. “I was going to go in the morning.”

“I know it’s a lot to ask, but can you see if he’ll let Frank and I have a few minutes together?”

“Of course I will. Alice – I know being apart from Frank must be hard on you, I can’t imagine being separated from Severus for months. Anyway, I wanted to let you know if you need anything at all, even if it’s just someone to talk to I’m here for you.”

“Thanks Lily. It is hard but I think we’ll get through it. I figure if someone’s worth having then they’re worth overcoming a little bit of difficulty for.”

“I understand that.”

Alice smiled. “I figured you would. I never got the chance to tell you at Remus’ but I’m happy for you and Severus, you really suit each other.”

“Thank you. We feel the same about you and Frank.”

“Thanks, I think we’re going to need all the support we can get this year.”

“How are you going to handle it?”

Alice sighed. “Lots of letters and we’re hoping to meet during Hogsmeade weekends. Otherwise it’s constant counting down until Christmas hols.”

“Probably doesn’t help to be surrounded by happy couples.”

“I admit there was a bit of a twinge when I saw Remus and Sabrina all cuddly in the common room earlier but luckily they left before things got too intense. Which more than I can say for Sirius.”

“Has he gone off with someone already?”

“I’m guessing so since he had his tongue stuffed down Freya’s throat.”

“She’s only a fourth year!”

“Apparently that doesn’t matter to Sirius. What did I ever see in him?”

“I have no idea,” Lily replied bewilderedly.

Both girls burst out laughing and were all but doubled over when Sabrina entered the room. “What’s so funny?”

“My exfacination with Sirius.”

Sabrina’s lips twitched. “That is amusing.”

“I think your taste in men has definitely improved. There’s no doubt Frank’s a keeper,” Lily supplied.

Alice smiled broadly. “I certainly think so. I am so head over heels in love with him; it’s the most amazing feeling in the world.”

“Isn’t it?” Sabrina was staring dreamily at her pyjamas.

Lily flipped back the covers of her bed and slid in between the sheets. “Yes.”

“So,” Sabrina quickly stripped off her clothes and pulled on the bright yellow pyjamas, “Seeing as we’re all so lucky and crazy in love how do we make sure our roommate gets her fair share?”

“You mean Mary?” Alice asked climbing into her own nightgown.

Lily looked towards the bed on the other side of the room. “Where is Mary?”

“I haven’t seen her all night.”

“Me neither, but then I was up here writing my letter, so.”

“Hmm, I hope she’s alright. She seemed off most of the summer.”

Alice propped herself up on her elbow, facing her two confidants. “Did you two spend a lot of time together over the hols?”

“Not a ton, she did go to a couple of quidditch matches with me and Remus and the rest of the boys.”

“She fancies James,” proclaimed Lily.

Sabrina let out a long breath, “That’s what I think too.”

“I admit I suspected it as well. So, how do we get them together?”

“I was hoping it would happen naturally once James gave up on me.” Lily admitted. In the bed next to her, Sabrina bit her lip. “What?”

“I – the thing is – Remus thinks –”

“What does Remus think?”

“That James hasn’t entirely given up hope of the two of you getting together.”

Lily sat upright in bed. “I’m with Severus!”

“I know, and I know how happy the two of you are together but James hasn’t seen that. Anyway, it’s just a suspicion Remus has; James hasn’t come out and said anything specific.”

“Sabrina, you would tell me if James was going to try and do anything to make Sev’s life miserable wouldn’t you?”

“Of course. Look, Lil, it’s entirely possible Remus is wrong about this.”

“I suppose.”

Alice lay back on her bed. “If it’s true James is still hung up on Lily there might be nothing we can do for Mary right now.”

Lily let out a long breath before lying back down. “It’s a shame; I think they’d be perfect for each other.” She didn’t say it out loud but she secretly thought a girlfriend might help James get over whatever lingering feelings he might have in regards to her.

Sabrina yawned widely, “I suppose I can keep encouraging her to be around Remus and I, since James is with us so frequently that would give them more time together.”

“Sounds good to me, and Brina, if you could drop a hint or two to James that I am ecstatically happy with Sev, I would appreciate it.”

Sabrina’s muffled reply of, “consider it done,” barely reached the other side of the room.

Lily floated in the haze between sleep and wakefulness a little longer before drifting off to dream of the day Severus told her of his release.

Maybe it was because of the dream that she was in such a wonderfully optimistic mood when she woke up the next morning. She was certain her mother would be fine, Severus would be uninvited very soon with no permanent damage done and things would work out well for all of them, even the brunette, currently snuggled down in the bed across from hers.

As Lily pulled on her clothes she debated asking Severus for help nudging Mary and James together. While he was , in general, opposed the idea of matchmaking she had the sneaking suspicion since it would turn Potter’s attention in another direction Severus just might be willing to bend a little this once.

She ran a multitude of matchmaking scenarios through her mind as she made her way up to Dumbledore’s office but none had particularly gelled by the time she reached the gargoyle and said “Peppermint drop.”

Lily had never come to see the headmaster in his office before without being asked but the letter that had come with her badge had contained the password and the invitation to come whenever she needed to speak to Dumbledore about an issue. Perhaps, strictly speaking, those issues should be related to her duties as Head Girl but she was going to hold to what had been written and not what was implied. She walked up the stairs slowly, half wondering if it would have been better to send a note first.

She was paused on the fifth stair when a figure appeared at the door. “Please, come up Miss Evans.”

Lily quickly made her way up the stairs, wondering how the headmaster had known she was there. When she entered the office Dumbledore was seated behind his desk, hands steepled, and a pleasant smile on his lips.

“I was wondering if I could speak to you a moment Professor? I know I should have sent a note first but...”

“Miss Evans, I did say you could speak to me at any time. Please be seated and tell me how I can help you.”

Lily sat down and wondered where exactly to begin and how much the headmaster needed to know about the situation. Dumbledore watched her, smiling patiently so Lily took a deep breath in and began. As briefly as possible, she relayed her mother’s cancer diagnosis and the plan that had been made for her and Severus to get news about the outcome of the surgery. “I hope it’s alright Frank comes here. We couldn’t think of any other way to get news about my Mum quickly and still come back to Hogwarts for the start of term.”

“Certainly Mr. Longbottom can come here with news at any time.”

“And will it be alright for Severus to come with me to hear it?”

“Of course, Mr. Snape may come if it is helpful to you.”

“Thank you, Professor. I’m not sure what we would have done if Frank couldn’t come tell us what had happened.”

“I will be happy to help you in anyway; I know what a trial it is to have someone close to you be unwell.”

Lily nodded and was preparing to leave when she remembered her promise to Alice. “Sir, I was wondering – Alice asked if it would be possible for her to see Frank for a moment or two before he left.”

Dumbledore looked thoughtful for a moment. “I will think about it and give Mr. Longbottom my decision at the time.”

As the headmaster didn’t appear to have anything else to say, Lily rose from her chair and started towards the door, then on a sudden whim, she spun around and blurted out, “Professor, why did you make James Potter Head Boy?”

“Ahh, I am afraid that is between Mr. Potter and myself.”

“Yes, I’m sorry to have asked, sir.”

“Miss Evans, never be sorry for asking a question even if the person questioned cannot give you the answers.”

Lily smiled, “I will do my best to remember that, Professor.”

“Good, good.”

Lily turned once more and started towards the stairs but stopped short when she heard Dumbledore’s voice again. “Miss Evans.”

“Yes, Professor,” Lily turned back around.

“I hear Mr. Snape has recently come into possession of a vial of Felix Felicis.”

“Yes sir, he won it in potions this week.”

“I trust he plans to use it wisely.”

Lily nodded her head, “More wisely than I would have had him use it.”

“Mr. Snape is quite the talented brewer.”

“He’ll be delighted you’ve noticed, sir. I think there are times he believes no one is aware of him at all.”

“Quite the contrary, Mr. Snape’s talents are such it appears to me he attracts quite a bit of attention from a great many people. Perhaps sometimes even from people he would wish to avoid or escape the attention of.”

Lily’s heart skipped a beat. Was it possible that Dumbledore knew Severus was trying to leave You-Know-Who’s potential ranks? She desperately wanted to ask the man standing before her to help them. The words were about to slip out of her mouth when she remembered she had promised Severus she wouldn’t share his secret with anyone without talking to him about it first. Still, it couldn’t hurt to pave the way towards eventually asking for help. “I think there are a few people who he would prefer were unaware of him.”

Dumbledore nodded “I’m happy to hear it. Well, I’m afraid I have some rather pressing business to attend to, Miss Evans.”

“Of course, and thank you again Professor for helping me with my mum, she means the world to me.”

For a moment Lily thought she saw the slightest hint of sadness flit through the headmaster’s eyes, but just as swiftly it was gone. “It is my pleasure, if there is anything I can do for you in the future about this or any other matter please don’t hesitate to ask.”

Lily nodded again and left the office swiftly as Dumbledore had already turned away from her and was gazing reflectively at a large mirror in the corner of the room.

Much to Lily’s surprise, when the gargoyle swung open Severus was standing against the wall.

“What are you doing here?”

He gave one last glance at the book in his hands before closing it and smiling at her. “I woke early so I thought I’d meet you here.”

Lily smiled, “what would you like to do today?”

“I thought we could go to the library and get started on studying for our N.E.W.T.s.”

“Let’s go do something fun instead.”

“Like what?”

“Maybe we could do another potion out of the book I got you.”

“I suppose.”

“Are you ill?” Lily asked, peering at his face. “Because normally when I suggest brewing you jump all over the idea.”

“Just not keen on the idea of going into the dorm to get the book.”

“Did something happen last night?”

“Avery managed to bag a new conquest and he was overly generous with the details.” Severus face crinkled in distaste.

“Do I even want to know?”

“No, trust me, I didn’t want to know the play by play and can do without sharing it with you.”

Lily looked up in shock. “Is he that detailed about his encounters?”

“Sadly, yes.”

“Merlin, even Sirius is more discrete than that. He might tell people who he’s got off with but he keeps the details to himself.”

“Wish Marius would do the same.”

Severus sounded so put out that Lily couldn’t help but giggle. “I was actually wondering who the girl was.”

“Celesta Rivers.”

“I don’t know her.”

“She’s a fifth year, blond, shortish.”

Lily nodded “I think I know who she is now.” As they started down another set of stairs, Lily suddenly became aware of their location and smiled before looking up at him, “Did you change your mind about the potion?”

“No, why?”

“We’re headed towards the dungeon.”

“We are, aren’t we? Guess I was headed there out of instinct. We can do whatever you want to. Go for a walk outside, read a book, transfigure all the potion room chairs into mice and build a better mouse trap.”

“That last one sounds entertaining.”

“Are you serious?”

“It was your idea. Come on.” Lily pulled Severus into the potions room, flicking her wand at the closest chair and transforming it into a mouse.

In the end, they didn’t build a mouse trap; instead they spent the morning and the better part of the afternoon transfiguring the chair into grander and more elaborate items. Severus had ultimately declared Lily the winner in their contest and they had parted happier than when they had begun. The one flaw in the day was the fact that once again, Severus had stopped holding her hand the moment they reached the Great Hall. She hoped this was only a temporary state of affairs because she really wasn’t in the mood to have a row with him about something so seemingly trivial.

“Where have you been all day?” Sabrina asked.

“With Severus, having a transfiguration contest.”

Sabrina’s eyes twinkled wickedly, “Is that what you two call it? Most everyone else calls it snogging.”

Lily laughed. “And so do we, though Sev occasionally calls it ‘annoying Petunia’, but in this case it’s not what we were doing. Though given the lipstick smudged on Remus I’m guessing that’s exactly what you spent the afternoon doing.”

Sabrina looked over her shoulder as her boyfriend strolled towards the Gryffindor table with his best friends. “Bugger, I thought I’d wiped all of that off. And actually, I spent the afternoon watching Remus and Sirius play chess.”

“Exciting,” Lily drawled.

 “Alice kept me company so it wasn’t too bad.”

Lily looked down the table, “where is Alice?”

“She went to post her letter to Frank,” Remus supplied as he sat down. “She’ll be here soon.”

Sabrina leaned in, whispering something quickly to Remus, who rubbed the back of his hand over his lips, before turning back to Lily, “poor Alice, she misses Frank so much already.” 

“Maybe they should have taken a break for the year.”

“That’s a rather heartless attitude, Sirius,” Responded Lily

“Why? It seems practical to me, it’s not as if I’m saying they should split up forever, just until it’s more convenient for them to be together.”

“Relationships don’t always happen when they’re convenient, Padfoot.” Remus bit off.

“I understand that but...”

Before Sirius could get any further, James cut him off. “Sirius, no one chooses who they fall in love with or when they fall in love with them, it just happens and it’s doesn’t matter if the timing’s right or not, some day you’ll understand that.”

Lily squirmed on the bench. James was sounding a little too fervent and looking at her a little too longingly. Apparently he _hadn’t_ gotten over her yet. She really didn’t know what to do about the situation other than hope he would soon wake up to the fact there was a girl who adored him sitting not three places away.

For the next couple of days, Lily did her best to try and stay away from James as much as possible. She believed she did reasonably well considering the fact they were in the same house, shared the same common room, the same table at meals and several classes. James was starting to look rather woebegone and Lily felt bad about that but reasoned since she wasn’t going to leave Severus to be with James there was really nothing she could do about her housemate’s gloom. Though she still felt the occasion pang when she saw him staring moodily in her direction.

Thankfully, Severus seemed to be in a better mood and that helped to improve her own considerably. Severus had pushed past his bitterness more swiftly than she had ever seen in the past. He hadn’t said a word about either James or Dumbledore since the day she had gone to the headmaster’s office. Secretly, Lily resolved to herself that as soon as they heard from Frank, and Severus had seen for himself how compassionate the headmaster was she would broach the subject of asking for Dumbledore’s help because she was certain that with the headmaster in their corner there was no way they could fail to extricate Severus from Voldemort’s grasp.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of quick things.  
> 1\. It has been a long while since I have updated but I am hopeful that I will be able to get back into the swing of things now.  
> 2\. I know in cannon Slughorn holds his contest in the student's sixth year. However, I felt he might have done things a little differently in the past. After all, he had been away from his post for 16 years and his teaching plans may have evolved over time.  
> 3\. This has been a horrid week for the Harry Potter fandom and especially Snape fans. Alan Rickman is the reason I found J.K. Rowling's wonderful books. I went to see the first movie because he was in it, I was sucked in and felt I found a place where I belonged. I was a fan of Alan's from long before his portrayal of Severus Snape (his Col Brandon is absolute perfection in my book) and can not believe he is gone. I keep waiting to wake up and find I dreamt the whole thing. I was honestly starting to wonder if I would continue on with this story because the muse seemed to have left me. But I find I have renewed determination because I feel I owe it to Alan and my wonderful sister, Gaia who both lost their lives to cancer at far to young an age. So please know, that while it may take the rest of my life and I mightn't finish this until I am 80 years old I am determined to see it through. (And yes, I do know what the ending is and how everyone's life turns out all the way through the cannon series).  
> Thank you all for sticking with the story and with me. I hope you enjoy this latest chapter.


	47. Seventy-Two Hours at Hogwarts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I bet you guys thought this day was never coming but here it is, a new chapter. I hope you enjoy it. Please note that this chapter has not been Betaed so any mistakes are my own.

Severus awoke Wednesday morning to find a pair of eyes staring at him intently.

“What?” he snapped, more than a little disconcerted by the sight.

The boy on the opposite bed seemed nonplussed by Severus’ less than pleasant early morning demeanour because he didn’t hesitate in the least before he began speaking. “Severus, you know I consider you to be a friend –”

Severus sat up in bed, already not liking where this conversation was going. “But?” he prodded, trying to ready himself for whatever came after.

“But nothing, I consider you to be a friend and so I wanted to warn you.”

“About what, Vincent?”

“Marius...”

Severus immediately cut Mulciber off. “Marius has already made it abundantly clear he’s not happy about Lily and I being together but that’s really none of his business.”

“He’s not the only one who’s not happy.” Vincent supplied ominously.

Severus looked at his roommate questioningly and Mulciber hurried on, “I’ve been trying to think of a way to tell you this for a while.”

“Just be direct,” Severus answered.

There was a brief pause before Vincent began to speak again. “I’m not sure if you know this or not, but the Dark Lord used the Avery’s manor as his base this summer.”

Severus shook his head in response, not sure what sort of response Mulciber was thinking he should have at having been kept so completely out of the loop. Vincent gave nothing away; he merely took a deep breath in before continuing on. “It meant all the meetings were held there. Of course, I wasn’t allowed in so I don’t know exactly what was discussed but I heard plenty just the same and frankly, people are beginning to talk about you and not in a good way.”

Severus’ stomach rolled though he wasn’t sure if it was in terror or anticipation, outwardly he betrayed nothing. “Is that so?”

“Yes, several members of the fellowship are wondering why you’re so enamoured of a mudblood. There was talk that you might no longer be as dedicated to the Dark Lord’s principals as you once were.”

“And people came to this conclusion based on the woman I choose to date?” Severus rose from his bed and began to sift through his trunk for clothes before looking up and casually asking, “Tell me, out of curiosity, who would these people have me date?”

“I believe several pure-blood girls were mentioned as prospective partners for you.”

Severus laughed derisively. “I bet that went down well with the girls in question.”

“If the Dark Lord commands it...”

“The Dark Lord believes in keeping the blood lines pure. Unfortunately, it’s a little late for that in my case.”

“Still, it would be better for you if you found a half-blood like yourself, one who’s not to far removed from their pure-blood roots.”

Severus sighed. “Vincent, I appreciate the advice, but as I have said in the past, Lucius knows about my relationship and he’s never cautioned me against it, nor has it ever been implied much less stated explicitly that the Dark Lord wishes me to end it. As a matter of fact, I’ve been asked to recruit Lily. I hardly think that would be the case if the Dark Lord disapproved of her or our relationship.

Mulciber looked at him for a long moment, conflict brewing in his eyes. “I’m not sure the Dark Lord is as in favour of your relationship as you think. I really feel it would be best if you let Evans go and found someone else before you get yourself in a hole so deep there’s no getting out.” Severus started to reply but Vincent quickly cut him off, “just think about it. I’d hate to see you throw your future away or get into trouble over someone the group found less than ideal.”

Having said his piece, Mulciber walked out of the room, leaving Severus to brood about what he had been told. He supposed the fact that his reputation was starting to plummet with the Death Eaters was a good thing. It just annoyed the hell out of him that it was because of Lily and not general discontent with his recent actions. Perhaps, he and Lily shouldn’t have been so open about their relationship until he was free.

The more Severus thought about what Vincent had said, the worse his mood became. Even if he was still on track to become a Death Eater he couldn’t see why it mattered in the least who he was dating. Why did following the Dark Lord mean that everyone in the group felt they had the right to manage every aspect of each other’s lives? Avery was especially annoying with his opinions. Severus had come within a hair’s breadth of resurrecting his Sectumsempra spell yesterday when Avery had made a disgusting sexual remark about muggleborns.

It took Severus most of the morning to simmer back down. In order to attempt to keep his temper on an even keel, he decided to skip lunch, where Avery would most assuredly be, and go to the library to do some research. The hour of solitude did the trick and he was in a better mood by the time he reached the Defense classroom.

Thankfully, the room was deserted. For the first time in years, Severus made his way to a desk at the front of the room. Historically speaking the Defense Against the Dark Arts professors were lack lustre at best and abysmal at worst. Of course, if the rumours were true and the position was cursed it must be difficult to find qualified candidates. However, this year’s professor was a pleasant departure from the status quo. There was no doubt Hector Grinspun knew his subject well and was determined to impart all his vast knowledge to his students before he inevitably left at the end of the year.

Severus was of two minds about this development. Part of him was grateful for the extra knowledge since he suspected he was going to need every bit of it in the future. Another part would have preferred to have a more lax professor, one who wasn’t intent on adding to the mountain of homework that seemed to already be an inescapable part of their N.E.W.T. year.

Usually he had no problem keeping up with schoolwork and indeed was often finished before his classmates even began to think of doing their homework, but at the moment it was an irritation, yet another stress to add to the growing pile of worries in his life. He almost found himself longing for an earlier year when the biggest hassle in his life had been how to keep Potter away from Lily.

That was a problem that was still present. Despite Lily’s insistence that Potter had given up on the dream of winning her for his own, Severus knew differently. The other man still trailed Lily where ever she went, the only difference was he now tried to be at least slightly subtle about his desires. Severus knew Lily was completely committed to him but it still grated to see Potter constantly watching her and waiting for the opportunity to break them up.

Severus believed he had successfully managed to hide his suspicions and annoyance about the Potter situation from Lily. In fact, he was quite convinced he’d succeeded in keeping all his concerns from her. He hadn’t mentioned his anxieties about his mother’s future or Violet’s health, nor had he told her what many members of his house were saying about the two of them.

He honestly wanted to tell her everything, to share all his apprehensions but refrained because he could tell Lily was already upset about something beyond her mother’s illness and he didn’t want to add to her worries. He couldn’t quite put his finger on what the problem was despite having spent many hours pondering the problem. He supposed the mature thing would be to ask outright but he was starting to get the sneaking suspicion he had done something to upset her. Since he really didn’t think he could handle a row right now he kept quiet and hoped the problem would somehow sort its self out.

“Where were you today?” Lily asked, pulling him from his musings as she slid into the seat next to him.

“When?”

“At lunch – where were you?”

“In the library. Why?”

“I thought you were going to meet me.”

Severus immediately remembered his promise from yesterday. “Shite! I’m sorry, Lil. I got caught up in something and forgot.”

“Mmm hmm.”

“I’m sorry, truly.” God, he hated it when she was mad at him. He could only hope he sounded contrite enough that she would forgive him.

Lily looked at him long and hard for a moment before giving him the smallest smile possible and saying, “I’ll forgive you this time.”

“Thank you,” he whispered as Professor Grinspun swooped into the room.

Severus was soon caught up in the lesson, his mind turning as he processed the information he was being told. Even after the professor had finished and dismissed the class, Severus continued to write furiously.

It wasn’t until Lily cleared her throat that he paused and looked up from his parchment.

“Are you going to go to dinner?”

Severus glanced down at the parchment. Whatever thought he had been committing to the paper had been forgotten with one look at Lily. “Yes.” He rolled the parchment up and stuffed it into his bag. “Just let me take my bag back to my room. I’ll meet you in the Hall in a trice.”

Since she didn’t respond Severus took that as a yes and was headed toward the door when she called out his name. He turned and looked at her questioningly.

“I – will you eat with me tonight?”

One look at her anxious expression was all it took for him to nod and say, “Of course, if that’s what you want – and you think no one will have a problem with me sitting at the Gryffindor table.” He added hastily knowing that if Black or Potter pushed him today it would not end well for any of them.

“I was actually thinking of getting some food from the kitchens and eating somewhere more private.”

“That sounds good. Why don’t you get the food and we’ll meet in the empty classroom in the potions corridor. Sound alright?”

“Sounds perfect.”

“Come on then, I’ll walk you downstairs.”

Lily smiled and crossed to his side. They hadn’t gone very far when they were waylaid by the newest Ravenclaw prefect, whose name Severus couldn’t remember. He waited patiently until it became obvious to him the girl had approximately a dozen questions not one of which could be answered with a quick yes or no. Finally, he interrupted, “I’m sorry. Lily, I’m going to take my bag to my room and I’ll meet you by the kitchens if that’s fine with you.”

“Alright, I shouldn’t be too much longer here.” Lily replied with a pointed look at the girl standing opposite her, but Severus doubted she had seen since she was back to staring at her piece of parchment.

He wanted to kiss Lily goodbye but knew it was inappropriate to do so while she was dealing with official Head Girl business so he settled for running his hand gently down her back before heading downstairs.

Lily still wasn’t at the kitchen by the time he arrived and Severus wondered if he should go in and get food for them but quickly decided it was better to wait since he wasn’t sure what she would be in the mood for. He had noticed her appetite had been rather tricky since they’d learned about Violet’s illness. So, he leaned up against the wall and pulled out a book and began reading. He’d read twenty pages before the sound of footsteps made him look up.

Lily was hurrying down the hall, her bag still slung over her shoulder. “Sorry, I really didn’t think it would take that long or I would have told Aioffe we’d talk later.”

“It’s fine, I had a book.” Severus assured her as he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

“You didn’t have to wait for me to get the food.”

“I wasn’t sure what you’d want.”

“Anything’s fine really.” She answered as she tickled the picture.

Severus chose not to comment as he followed her through the open picture frame and into mass chaos. House elves were running everywhere, their arms laden with food and drink and Merlin only knew what else. It was a moment before any of them seemed to notice the two students standing in their midst. Once they did, Lily and Severus were bombarded with food and drinks. It took quite a while before Lily was able to convince the elves they didn’t need two of every type of food and drink. Even with Lily’s persuasion they still left with a feast big enough for twenty.

Severus lugged the basket down the hallways to the empty classroom, Lily following behind him without a word. When they reached the room, Severus hefted the basket on to an empty table and turned to face Lily. She looked distracted, worried and a little scared. He hesitated for a moment, then pulled his wand from his pocket and transfigured the stone floor into grass.

Lily looked up at him in shock. “Sev?”

He simply smiled at her and asked, “What else would you like, trees, flowers?”

“You decide.”

With a flick of his wrist he transfigured a chair into a tall oak tree and because he couldn’t resist, he turned his book into a cluster of forget-me-nots. “There, that’s better, more homey.”

“You forgot to do a blanket again,” Lily pointed out.

“I thought I’d leave that to you.”

She rummaged through her bag and produced a book that soon became a bright yellow blanket, which she settled down on to with a sigh.

They ate most of the meal in silence, not their usual companionable silence but a tight, tense one. After an hour, Severus couldn’t take it anymore.

“Are you alright, Lil?”

“I suppose. I’m just worried about Mum and...” Her voice cracked and she looked away.

“Oh, angel, I’m sorry, I wish I could fix this for you.”

Lily hastily wiped a tear away. “I know. I wish I could stop thinking about it. Could you – could you maybe help me stop thinking about it, just for a little while?”

“Just tell me what you need me to do.”

“Kiss me, please.”

Severus didn’t have to be asked twice. He very gently cupped her face in his hands and pressed his lips to hers. Lily deepened the kiss almost instantly. It wasn’t long before they were lying on the ground side by side, still locked together. Severus shifted a bit, he didn’t want Lily to feel just how aroused he was and yet he also didn’t want to break the contact between them.

Suddenly, Lily pulled away and sat up, leaving him slightly confused. He moved to pull her back again but was stopped by a hand on his chest. She stared at him, chewing on her bottom lip the way she did whenever she wanted to ask him something that would potentially upset him. Severus knew he had two options, either he could wait until she got over her anxiety and asked whatever it was she wanted to know or he could cut to the chase and ask her what it was that had her so curious she felt the need to stop him mid snog. He chose the latter course of action. “Lil – Lily, just ask.”

She rose to her feet and paced for a moment before turning back to face him. He stood slowly and walked towards her tentatively. He was almost at her side when Lily opened her mouth as if to speak, then shook her head and quickly shut it again. Apparently this was going to take a little more persuasion, Severus took a few more steps until he was standing in front of her, then, unable to help himself, he leaned down and kissed her gently, murmuring against her lips “I promise, I won’t mind.”

Lily took a deep breath in and suddenly blurted out, “does it hurt?”

Severus pulled back to look at her face, genuinely puzzled by the question. “Does what hurt?”

“Having a – being hard?” Lily asked in a barely audible whisper.

“No, why would you think that?”

“You sort of keep shifting away from me.”

“I didn’t want to…” He had to pause a moment to collect his thoughts so he didn’t muck this up and say the completely wrong thing. “I thought after the conversation we had this summer feeling me aroused might bother you.” Or scare her even more than she apparently already was.

“Sev, I didn’t – it doesn’t – bloody hell,” she muttered under her breath before asking in a rush, “canIseeit?”

Severus felt his eyes grow wide and was fairly certain he had lost the power of speech because it was moment before he could find the voice to ask, “You want to see me, there?”

“Yes.”

“You’re sure?”

“Absolutely,” answered Lily so firmly he knew she’d been wanting to ask him this very question for quite some time.

A little hesitantly, because he was so nervous, Severus shifted his uniform and pants so he was now exposed to the dim light and Lily’s wide eyed gaze.

“Oh,” she breathed in wonder.

He kept his eyes carefully trained on her face, trying to gauge her reaction.

“It is large, isn’t it?”

“I don’t think it is, not particularly.”

There was a pause that seemed to last forever before she looked him in the eye and said, “you know, seeing it like this it seems…”

“Yes,” he prodded.

“Less intimidating somehow. I mean, I still think it’s big but not too big.”

Severus felt relief flood through him. Secretly he’d been afraid Lily was so frightened by his size it would be years before they made love, and while he was willing to wait, decades if necessary, he’d honestly rather hoped that wouldn’t be the case.

He started to shift his clothes back into their proper place when Lily stopped him by whispering, “don’t,” and leaned in to kiss him, her hand grasping his to stop its movement. It felt odd to be so exposed but he quickly forgot it and immersed himself in the kiss. That was until Lily gingerly slid her finger up his length.

He gasped in shock and pulled back. “What…?”

Lily smiled at him a little mischievously. “I wanted to feel it. Do you want me not to?”

All he could do was shake his head in response.

“Good.” Lily murmured, pulling his head back down to hers.

Severus was becoming more and more certain he wouldn’t be able to leave this classroom without some alone time. He wasn’t sure how he would explain that to Lily since he certainly didn’t fancy telling her she had to walk back to her common room alone so he could stay here to have a wank. Of course, if she kept dancing her fingers over him like this then the amount of time he would need to be alone would be pretty small.

He wasn’t sure if he became more or less frustrated when Lily’s hand moved away and she leaned away from him. His uncertainty fled a second later when Lily blushingly asked him, “What do I do?”

“About what?”

“How do I – help you?”

Severus was confused. What exactly was she asking him? “I don’t understand,” he admitted.

Lily turned completely red, he could see even her scalp was blushing and he had to lean forward to hear her whisper. “How do I help you finish?”

He swallowed hard and tried to concentrate on breathing so he didn’t do something stupid like pass out. “You don’t have to do anything. I can – take care of it myself.”

There was a pause and then Lily lifted her eyes to his. “I want to.”

Severus felt himself get dizzy for a second and then he focused. If he acted weird about this then there was the possibility he would frighten Lily and that was the last thing he wanted. He paused for a moment trying to think how best to explain it to her but in the end he decided the best thing was just to show her. Very carefully and tenderly he took her hand in his and began to move it.

Lily changed her angle so she could watch their hands moving. It was the most erotic moment of Severus’ life and he knew it would be over quickly. He watched her for a moment more and then turned her head towards him and kissed her. Lily’s pace faltered for an instant but she found her rhythm again very quickly. Time seemed to simultaneously speed up and slow down until Severus couldn’t tell if they’d been doing this for mere minutes or for days.

He could feel the pleasure building inside him and wordlessly summoned a scarf from his bag. Then, batting Lily’s hand away, he deftly stroked himself a few more times and came into the soft wool fabric, not once had she taken her eyes from him.

“I could have done that,” she whispered.

Severus shrugged, put his clothes back in place, balled up the scarf and stuffed it back into his bag. “It’s messy.”

“Didn’t look like it to me.”

He smiled and kissed her gently before replying. “I’ve had practice.”

Lily nodded, the look on her face a mixture of determination and pleasure and Severus knew this wasn’t the last time they were going to do this. The idea was enough to make him feel a little light headed again. He carefully pushed the thought to the back of his mind, if he didn’t, they would never leave this room. Lily was still watching him intently as he pulled out his watch and glanced at the time.

“I should walk you back now.”

Lily sighed before picking up her bag. They were almost out of the door when she turned and looked up at him shyly. “Was it good at least?”

Severus ran his hand over her hair and smiled at her tenderly. “It was amazing.”

She gave him a satisfied smile and then led them out of the classroom.

It wasn’t until they were almost at the entrance to the Gryffindor common room that he said anything. “Lil –” she stopped and turned to look at him. “Thank you, for earlier. I feel – I was supposed to be distracting you, making you feel better and somehow it became about me. I really didn’t intend for that to be the case.”

“Don’t worry, I was definitely distracted and making you feel good makes me feel good so...”

“Okay, well then – I suppose I should get back to my common room.” He said hesitantly but he made no movement away from her. She looked miserable again and he didn’t want to let her go.

“I wish we could stay the night together,” she said as if his thoughts had flown through the air and come out her mouth.

In that moment, Severus wished he had listened to her and they had stayed back in Cokeworth then he could bundle her up on the couch and hold her for as long as she needed. Even now he was half tempted to tell her to run and get a change of clothes and they would apparate to Spinner’s End from the forest. He might have done it if a voice hadn’t echoed from behind him. “It’s after curfew, Snape.”

Severus looked back over his shoulder and was hardly surprised to see James Potter standing there, staring at him smugly. “Not for another fifteen minutes, Potter.”

“I’d like to see you make it back to your common room in fifteen minutes. Maybe I’ll tag along just to make sure.”

Before Severus could respond, Lily snapped, “Can you two give it a rest for tonight? James, I’d like to speak to Severus privately.”

James hesitated but a glare from Lily sent him scurrying through the portrait hole. Lily waited until it was closed before looking up at him and asking, “Are you going to class tomorrow?”

“Are you?”

Lily shook her head. “I don’t think I could concentrate. Do you think – would you be willing to skive with me?”

“Yes, absolutely. Where do you want to meet?”

“Here?”

“Alright. What time?”

“I don’t know, early. It’s not as if I’m going to get any sleep tonight.”

“Lil, everything is going to be fine, you’ll see.”

“I wish I was as sure of that as you seem to be.”

“Violet’s the strongest person I’ve ever met, she’ll fight it tooth and nail. It won’t do anyone any good if you get so stressed you make yourself ill.”

“You’re right.”

He smiled at her and ran a comforting hand over her shoulder. “I should go before Potter comes back out here and follows me just so he can catch me out after curfew.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t let him. I’ll permanently stick him to a chair if I have to. But you should go before a professor catches you.”

“I’ll see you in the morning.” Severus gave her a quick kiss and hurried down the hall.

Lily watched until he turned the corner and she couldn’t see him anymore, then she turned and climbed through the portrait hole. The first thing she saw was James loafing suspiciously close to the entrance. “Don’t even think about it,” she shot at him.

“Think about what?” asked James with false innocence.

“Going after Sev.”

“I wasn’t planning on it.”

“You know, Potter there are times when you’re a really crap liar. I mean it; I’m in no mood for your foolishness tonight. If you go after him, I’ll go straight to Dumbledore and tell him you’re using your position to bully other students.”

James wavered for a moment and then muttered, “Fine.”

Lily crossed her arms and stared pointedly at the stairs to the boy’s dorm. James finally sighed and shuffled up them, throwing the occasional glance over his shoulder but Lily didn’t move a centimetre until he had disappeared from view.

Knowing James would have no qualms about sneaking back down once he thought she had gone upstairs Lily dropped into a chair in front of the fire and soon became hypnotized by the flickering flames.

“Lily.” She jumped, startled out of her reverie. Looking up, she saw Remus gazing down at her with concern. “Are you alright?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure, because you look upset and you’re sitting here alone in the dark.”

“Yes, I was just waiting to make certain James wouldn’t try to follow Severus back to his dorm and make trouble. Severus was late in leaving tonight and James implied he’d turn Sev in for being out after curfew,” she added by way of explanation.

Remus laughed and sat down in the chair opposite her. “You know James too well. Though in all fairness, Sirius seemed to be more bent on the idea than James.”

Lily looked towards the stairs half expecting to see James and Sirius trying to sneak past her.

Remus chuckled lowly. “Don’t worry, I talked them out of doing anything stupid.”

“Thanks, Rem. I’m not at all in the mood for dealing with their brand of fun tonight.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Remus leaned forward and asked, “seriously, Lily how are you doing? I know you must be a little concerned about your mother’s surgery tomorrow.”

“I am worried. Everyone keeps telling me not to be, that Mum will be fine but I can’t seem to stop fretting.” She paused and glanced around the room. “I don’t even want to be here, it’s the first time I’ve felt like that since first year. I wanted to stay home but Mum insisted I come back and everyone seemed to think it would just make her upset if we didn’t do what she wanted. So here I am.” She waved her hand dismissively at the common room.

Remus hesitated for a second before speaking. “They were probably right. If this is what she wanted then it is most likely for the best.”

“Is it? – Never mind, you wouldn’t understand.”

“I wouldn’t? Don’t you think I wanted to stay home and take care of my mother –” Remus glanced around and even though there was no else in the room, he dropped his voice to a whisper, “and my sister? Hell, I don’t know what I’m doing here most of the time. It’s not as if anyone is going to give me a job if I tell them what I am and how many full moons do you think I can miss work before someone figures it out and I get the sack or have to quit? I’ll probably spend the rest of my life going from one shop assistant position to the next. But I get on the train every year because it makes my parents happy to think I’ll get to live a normal life. Sometimes, our decisions are not about what makes us happy but about what makes the people we love happy and I’m guessing you being here makes your mother happy.”

“I’m sorry, Remus. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“You didn’t. I’m just pointing out I do know what it’s like to want to be somewhere else.”

There was a beat of silence and then they both began to speak simultaneously. They both stopped and laughed.

“What were you saying?” Lily inquired.

“I was asking what the plan is for tomorrow.”

Lily quickly told him about the details of her mother’s surgery and how Frank was going to come and tell her and Severus how it had gone.

“Well, at least you’ll have news quickly. That has to be a comfort, better than waiting a day or two for an owl anyway.”

“There’s no way I could have come back if I had to wait for the post to bring news. I wouldn’t have cared what Mum wanted.”

Remus nodded to show he understood.

“How are your mother and Nan?” asked Lily, suddenly aware that Remus had no option but to wait for the post for news of his family.

Remus sighed. “Mam’s still not thrilled about the fact she had to move house. I don’t think she’ll ever be resigned to it and she’s still refusing to sell the property in Bishop’s Castle, she’s convinced I’ll need it someday, probably rightly, but I’m told she’s safe and that’s what’s important.”

“And Nan?”

A smile flitted across Remus’ lips. “She’s going to Mam next week.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“How did you work that one?”

“I didn’t. Dumbledore told Mam he felt Nan would be much safer with her given the amount of protection Mam has than with Mrs. Gramercy who has none and Mam agreed. Besides, Nan was going to have to leave soon anyway.” Remus leaned forward in his chair, eyes sparkling with excitement. “She did magic the day before I left to come back to school.”

“Really?”

“Yes, touched a rose and made it bloom! Luckily Mrs. Gramercy was distracted but once Mam saw that I think she knew she didn’t have a choice anymore, she has to take Nan.”

“Your mother was there?”

Remus was beaming as he nodded his head. “She started going to see Nan two days after the funeral.”

“You never mentioned that.”

“I didn’t know until that day. I popped by unexpectedly and there was Mam, with Nan in her lap. I wish Dad could have been there, he’d have been so happy.” Remus said wistfully.

“Does Nan know your Mum is her mother?”

Remus nodded again, happiness practically radiating from him.

“So does this mean you can tell people about her now?”

“I think – Mam and I decided it might be better to wait until she and Nan have settled in and are used to living together. But this is a step in the right direction.”

“I’m really happy, for all of you.”

“Thank you. It just goes to show everything can get better, you just have to keep faith. Everything is going to work out for your family. I know things might seem crap right now but I think you have to focus on the good things.”

“Is that what you do?”

“Mostly, I mean, I still miss Dad and I know I probably will for the rest of my life and I’m always going to be what I am but I have Mam and Nan and a wonderful girlfriend and great friends so overall I don’t think things look so bad.”

“So I just have to think of positives then.” Remus nodded and looked at her expectantly. Lily thought for a moment and then said, “Well, they caught Mum’s cancer early.”

“The sooner they catch it the better it is, at least according to what I read.”

“You’ve been reading up on cancer?”

“Dad bought lots of healing books after I was bit, hoping to find a cure so I had a look in them.”

“What did you find?” She asked eagerly, leaning forward in her chair.

“Not much, actually muggles seem to have the edge in the case of this particular disease.”

Lily sighed and slumped back into the seat. Remus waited a moment and then urged her, “Tell me more good things.”

“Petunia’s not engaged to that idiot Dursley anymore. I’m going to be an auntie. I...”

“Wait! Are you saying Petunia’s fiancé left her while she’s pregnant?”

“No, Cris and his wife are having a baby so technically I’m not an auntie but we all think of Cris as family so –”

“So, you’re going to be an aunt. Anything else? How’s Severus’ situation going?

“We think he’ll be out soon.”

“That’s definitely good news.”

“Yeah.”

“See the good things outweigh the bad just remember that when you start to feel sad.”

“You’re right. Do me a favour and keep reminding me of that. With you and Severus both constantly telling me everything will be alright I might just get through this.”

“I can do that. I owe you and Severus anyway.”

Lily was genuinely confused by his statement. “Rem, you don’t owe either of us for anything.”

“Of course I do. I owe you for not letting me give up on Brina or on getting Mam to keep Nan and I certainly owe Severus for not getting me expelled over the whole James and Sirius escapade. I’ll owe him forever for that one.”

“Don’t be silly, you’re our friend, we’re happy to help you.”

“That goes both ways.”

“Thanks.”

“Do you want me to sit with you until you’re ready to go up?” asked Remus.

“You don’t have to.”

“I know. I’d be happy to and you’re honestly not keeping me from anything. Brina’s gone to bed, James and Sirius are talking Quidditch tactics and all my schoolwork is done. I actually came down here looking for something to do.”

“You’re not interested in joining James and Sirius’ discussion?”

“Not on the team so I have no insight to offer. They never take my advice anyway.”

“What were you planning on doing when you came down here?”

“Well, I’ve been playing a pretty good game of chess.”

“With who?”

“Myself.” Remus chuckled at Lily’s bemused expression. “When you’re an only child or there’s a fifteen year age gap between you and your sibling you learn to do all kinds of things by yourself. I could reset the board and we could play a round.”

“No, I’m not a good chess player. Cris is the family chess player though Sev isn’t bad, you could always ask him for a match.”

“I think it would be a little difficult to get into each other’s common rooms to play. So, no chess. What else would you suggest, maybe some exploding snap?”

“Could you – when I – my dad – could just tell me a story?”

“About what?”

“A time you were happy, a happy family story.”

Remus thought for a moment and then began to tell her a story about a trip he and his parents had taken to the sea side years before. There was something about Remus’ voice, calm, gentle and soothing that made her eyelids start to feel heavy. Lily shifted until she was curled up in the chair and gave herself over to the tale.

Lily woke the next morning still in the common room. The dim early morning sunlight was streaming through the windows onto the couch where she laying, a cloak wrapped tightly around her. She rolled over and saw Remus curled up in a tight ball in the chair, fast asleep. She eased herself off the sofa and tip-toed over to the chair and began to gently lower the fabric onto the sleeping boy.

The moment the weight settled on him, Remus’ eyes flickered open. He smiled at her sleepily. “Sleep well?”

“Yes, thank you for moving me and for the cloak.”

“No problem, I figured you’d be more comfortable on the sofa since getting you up the stairs wasn’t option.”

“You know, you could have gone up to bed and been comfortable yourself.”

Remus rose from the chair and stretched languidly. “I was fine. I can pretty much sleep anywhere at any time, side effect of my issue.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, that, being stronger than I look, and holding liquor really, really well are the only three benefits of my furry little problem. Listen, I’m going to go get ready for the day. Brina and I can wait for you so you don’t have to walk down alone.”

“Thanks, but Sev is going to meet me.”

“Okay, well, I’ll see you in History of Magic then.”

“I’m not going to class today, there’s no way I’d be able to concentrate.” 

Remus frowned and glanced up the stairs. “Do you want someone to stay with you?”

“Sev’s going to skive with me.”

“Alright, let me know if you need anything. And when you have news of your mother...”

“I’ll definitely tell you.” Lily impulsively threw her arms around him and hugged tightly. “You’re a really good friend, you know that, right?”

Remus didn’t respond, though he did hug her back tightly before bounding up the stairs.

Lily slowly made her way up to her dorm room. She released a grateful breath when she saw all her roommates where still asleep. She dressed as quietly and quickly as possible and slipped out of the room just as Alice was starting to stir. Thankfully, the common room was still deserted so she didn’t need to answer any questions about why she wasn’t in her school uniform.

When she opened the portrait, Lily saw Severus sitting on the floor, seemingly engrossed in a book. Unlike her, he was dressed in his uniform. She wondered if he had even really gone back to his room or if he had doubled back and actually spent the night sitting in this spot. A closer look revealed that his robes looked neatly pressed so there was no way he’d worn them for any length of time.

“Did you change your mind about going to class today?”

Severus looked up and smiled at her. ‘No, but I thought it would be less conspicuous than walking through the castle in muggle clothes.”

“Do you think I should go and change?’ Lily asked looking down at her jeans and shirt, suddenly unsure if wearing them was the best idea.

Severus paused to consider. “Not necessarily, you could just wear my cloak.” He began to rummage through his bag.

“No, I don’t want to wear it all day. I’ll go and change, won’t be but a moment. Don’t move an inch!” Before Severus could respond Lily hurried back the way she’d just come.  She didn’t know what she had been thinking. Of course it was smarter to wear her uniform, anything else was just asking to get caught skiving. She didn’t know what she was about today. The room was still quiet when she entered though Alice’s bed was now empty. Lily changed and was back downstairs and through the portrait hole in record time.

“Better?”

“You were fine before. Here.”

Lily took the napkin wrapped bundled from his hand. “What is this?”

“Toast.”

“I don’t think I could eat a bite.”

“Try at least.”

“Did you eat?”

Severus produced another napkin wrapped bundle for her to see. “Well then, let’s go.”

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

Lily’s curiosity was piqued and only continued to grow as they made their way past what Lily thought were many good hiding places, but Severus’ pace never slackened. She was completely surprised when they exited the castle and headed towards the forest.

“Sev, you can’t really be thinking of going in to the forest?”

“Why not? We’ve been before and it’s not as if we’re going in far.”

She hesitated slightly, but he was right, they had been in here before and they were fine those times. As if to quell her indecision, Severus took her hand in his and whispered. “I thought it was the place we were least likely to get caught and could have the most peace and quiet but if you want me to find someplace else I will.”

“No, it’s fine. Lead the way.”

He didn’t let go of her hand until they reached a clearing Lily recognized from the end of last year. “Is this alright?” he asked her.

“Perfect. I can’t believe you knew how to find this spot.” When she saw the look on his face she laughed. “Never mind, I can believe it. So what else do you have planned?”

He reached into his bag, pulled out a book and held it out to her. “Sorry, it’s not a great plan but I couldn’t think of anything else. If there’s something else you want to do, we can.”

Lily wasn’t entirely sure she’d be able to focus on reading today but she took the book from his hand anyway, curious to see what he had brought. “Sense and Sensibility.”

“It’s your favourite, right?”

“Yes.” She smiled and then looked up at him a little shyly.

“What?”

“Did I ever tell you why?”

“No.”

“It’s because somehow, Colonel Brandon always reminded me of you.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I don’t know why, it’s just something I’ve pictured since the first time I read it.”

“Does that make you Maryanne?”

Lily thought a moment and laughed. “I guess I must be, but we better stop the comparison there because I don’t want to picture Petunia as Elinor.”

“Agreed.”

“And what did you bring?”

“Great Expectations.”

“Again? I’ve lost count of how many times you’ve read that one. Please don’t say you picture me as Estella.”

“Why not?”

“She was horrid to poor Pip. I wasn’t that horrid to you, was I?”

“No, though I do suppose I see myself as Pip a little bit. Poor, determined to do better, cocks it up badly from time to time and in love with the same woman for an age.” Severus’ voice dropped and he brushed a lock of hair back behind her ear. “Besides, Pip and Estella are together in the end.”

“After loads of heartbreak.”

“It probably makes them appreciate each other more.”

 “Probably.” Lily raised herself up on her toes and brushed her lips against his. “Thank you.”

“For?”

“Being you, spending the day with me when I know you’d rather be in class.”

“Lil, I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing.”

She smiled and gave him a hug. “So we’re reading then.”

“Only if you want to.”

“Did you bring a blanket this time?”

“I brought a cloak.”

“Good enough.”

Severus spread the cloak on the ground in front of the tree they had sat under the previous spring. Lily sat and held her hand out to him and once he had joined her, she curled up on her side, her head in his lap. While she still wasn’t sure she would be able to concentrate, Lily opened the book and tried to focus.

“Don’t forget this.” Severus placed the napkin wrapped toast by her side. She had thought he had forgotten about it and was about to protest she wasn’t hungry when he said, “Please Lil, you have to eat. I promised Vi I would take care of you and if you don’t eat I’m breaking that promise.”

She knew it would be pointless to argue with him so she slowly tore off bits of toast and ate them while she flipped to her favourite part of the book. Lily found the next several hours to be relaxed and comforting, and though her attention occasionally wandered from the book to wondering about her mother, she soon found the rustle of the trees and the singing of the birds, the sound of a page turning and Severus’ hand running almost unconsciously over her hair kept her from becoming too worried.

She was honestly startled, when Severus sighed and closed his book. “It’s almost noon. Frank should be here soon.”

Lily’s stomach rolled and all the worry welled up inside of her, threatening to overwhelm her. She hardly moved when Severus stood. “Angel.”

“I’m scared.”

She waited for him to say it would all be fine, but Severus dropped to his knees in front of her, took her hands in his, looked deep in to her eyes and said, “Me too.”

“Truly?”

“Truly, but it’ll be better if we go hear what Frank has to say. Anything’s better than not knowing.”

“You’re right. I just...” Lily stopped herself, nothing was going to be solved by saying she wished this wasn’t happening. So she braced herself, gave Severus’ hands a squeeze and stood. “Let’s go hear what Frank has to say then.”

Severus gave her a tight smile before clambering to his feet and sweeping the cloak off the ground. They walked back to the castle at a brisk pace and Lily felt a small surge of annoyance when Severus dropped her hand as the passed through the entrance but her anxiety was too high to want to bother having a go at him for his peculiar behaviour at this moment. Alice was standing in the corridor looking hopeful when they reached the gargoyle. Lily couldn’t bring herself to say anything to her friend, she simply took a calming breath, whispered the password and started up the stairs to the office proper, reassured by the sound of Severus’ footsteps behind her.

Frank stood in the middle of the office, next to Dumbledore’s desk. Lily convulsively grabbed Severus’ arm, squeezing it tightly.

“Miss Evans, Mr. Snape, would you care to take a seat?” Professor Dumbledore said kindly, waving his hand at the two armchairs in front of him.

Lily and Severus both sat and looked expectantly at the man standing before him. To Lily it seemed that each second that passed without a word was a lifetime, next to her, Severus sat silently, though his hand was twitching, a sure sign he was nervous. Lily had rather hoped he would take the lead in the conversation but it appeared he was going to leave that up to her. Unable to take another second of silence, Lily asked, “How is she?”

“Crispin said to tell you your mother is fine. Everything went routinely with the surgery and Mrs. Evans is now resting comfortably. She will be in hospital overnight but he told me to assure you this is standard with this type of operation.”

Lily could feel Severus letting out a deep breath of relief and found herself doing the same. Frank continued on seemingly oblivious to her reaction. “Margaret said to tell you she will send a letter as soon as possible with all the details about the surgery and follow up care.”

“Did you talk to May?” Severus asked.

“Briefly, on the telephone. Amazing devices, almost as good as the floo network. Anyway, she sounded very positive about the results of the day. She wanted me to tell you, Alex will be staying in Bloom Street for as long as needed to help out, so you’re not to worry about them not having help. And it seems that a friend of your father’s, a Dr. Archer, will be coming by daily to ensure your mother is healing properly.” Frank gave them both reassuring smiles.

Lily stood and walked over to him. “Thank you so much for doing this for me, Frank.”

“It was no trouble at all; I hope your mother will be well soon and if you need anything else at all please don’t hesitate to send me an owl.”

Lily smiled and gave him a quick hug before turning to the headmaster. “Professor, Alice was wondering if it would alright with you if she and Frank had a moment together before he leaves?”

“Yes, I think we can arrange that.” Dumbledore’s eyes sparkled merrily at them. “Why don’t I walk you and Mr. Snape down, then I can show her up myself.”

Dumbledore moved towards the archway leading to the staircase. Lily waited while Severus walked over to Frank and shook his hand. “Thank you, Frank, we appreciate you helping us out like this.”

“It really isn’t a problem.” Frank answered reassuringly and though he dropped his voice Lily still heard him whisper. “I truly did give you my support for Head Boy.”

“Don’t worry about it, Frank. It’s probably better this way.”

“I hope the rest of the year goes more smoothly for the two of you.”

“I’m sure it will.” Severus gave the man a nod. Lily could feel his hand resting lightly on her back as they joined the Headmaster and exited the room.

If Dumbledore had heard Frank and Severus’ conversation he made no indication of it as they followed him down the stairs. Before they exited the door, he paused and looked at them both. “Miss Evans, if it becomes necessary for you to go home at any point during the term please let me know and I will make the arrangements.”

“Thank you, Headmaster.”

“The same goes for you, Mr. Snape. I know you are a great comfort to Miss Evans.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”

“It is a thing to be treasured, to have a friend you can count on in all things, Miss Evans.”

“Yes, Professor Dumbledore, it is.”

“And it is the mark of a strong character that you can be such a good friend, Mr. Snape.”

Lily could tell Severus was thrown by the compliment though he said nothing but “Thank you, sir.” She couldn’t help but note the surprise in his voice.

Dumbledore said nothing further to them. He simply pushed open the door and urged Alice to go up and see Frank before suddenly remembering he needed to see Hagrid about something and bustling off down the hall.

“That was nice of him.” Severus said.

“Letting Alice and Frank have time alone or what he said to you?”

Severus took a breath in and when he released it he said, “Both, really.”

“Maybe he’s not as biased against you as you think.”

“Maybe.”

Lily gave him a half-hearted smile and then leaned up against the stone wall, letting out a deep breath.

“How are you?” Severus inquired, leaning against the wall next to her.

“Fine, I think. Still frustrated I’m here and not there.”

“I understand that.”

“You still think we did the right thing though, coming back here, especially since the surgery went so well.”

Severus shrugged. “It was what Violet wanted. Look, if things get too bad or you find you can’t stay anymore let me know. Otherwise, just let me know what you need and I’ll do it for you or get it for you, whatever it is.”

Lily turned her head to face him and smiled sadly. “Thank you Sev, but there’s nothing you can do unless you’ve found the cure for cancer.”

“No, I haven’t, but I’ll get us home if it comes to that.”

“You know, I don’t know how I would handle this if you weren’t here.”

“I’m glad you don’t have to find out.” He draped an arm around her and pulled her tight to him. “For now let’s focus on the fact that the surgery went so well.”

“But Frank said something about follow up care.”

“There’s always follow up care.”

“Sev, she’s going to have to have chemotherapy.”

“I know.”

“She’s going to be really sick and I’ll be here. Doing what? Reviewing everything I’ve learned for the past six years?”

“I know it feels pointless but we should start learning some new information soon and I’ve already checked out several books on diseases from the library to see if there’s anything that could help.”

“I knew you’d do something like that.” Lily turned and started down the corridor, not sure where she was going really. She was just restless now and needed to move. “What did you find?”

“Nothing particularly useful I must admit. This seems to be a disease no one’s figured out how to cure. There is some theoretical information that looks promising.”

“Theoretical?”

“Everything starts out as a theory, Lil. Then you take the theory, expand on it, test it and if you’re lucky you get the results you want, if not, you go back to the potion’s room.”

“If you’re working on it, I feel better already.”

“Please don’t get your hopes too high. I’ve only just started studying cancer and it could be quite a while before I have any theories let alone results.”

“I know. I do, but this way I feel like at least someone’s doing something and if that someone is you, so much the better.”

“Lil...”

“I promise no unreal expectations just do your best.”

He sighed. “I will. So, what now?”

“I don’t know.”

“We could go to class.”

“I don’t really want to but you can if you want.”

Severus thought for a second before shaking his head. “No, might as well miss the whole day at this point. Do you want to go back to the clearing?”

“No, I think I’m done reading for the day. Let’s just go for a walk or something.”

“Alright.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon aimlessly wandering the grounds and talking about everything but her mother’s illness. Every time she started to drift towards the subject of cancer, Severus skilfully turned the conversation in another direction. By the time they returned to the castle for dinner they had discussed everything from when May and Alex would possibly get married to what Cris would name his child to who they could possibly set Petunia up with, though Severus wasn’t especially keen on that subject. While Lily was still worried about her mother, her anxiety level had dropped considerably and she had even found herself laughing at the look on Severus’ face when she had suggested Sirius Black as a prospective boyfriend for Petunia.

She was still giggling when they entered the Great Hall though the laughter turned to a sigh when Severus turned to the Slytherin table with no more than a hasty, “I’ll talk you later.”

She walked distractedly to her own house table. After a whispered conversation with Remus, Sabrina and Alice about her mother she lapsed into silence, trying to figure out why Severus was so unwilling to have any physical contact in public, and if she should talk to him about it or just start initiating contact and see if he followed her lead.  Lily was so exhausted she still wasn’t sure what her answer was when she fell into bed that night.

Lily woke up far later than usual the next morning but feeling well rested and more content then she had been in a fortnight. She instantly resolved she wouldn’t say anything to Severus about his behaviour. What she was going to do was go down to the Great Hall, take his hand and walk with him to double potions.

At least that was her intention, but when she reached the common room she saw Sirius was lurking at the foot of the stairs.

“Lily, can I talk to you a moment?”

“Sirius, nothing you say or do is going to get you out of detention this year.”

“I know, this isn’t about that.”

“What then?”

Sirius took a deep breath, and cast a glance over his shoulder to where James was engaged in an animated discussion with Remus and Peter. Lily was almost certain she saw Remus shake his head slightly but she couldn’t be sure.

“Can we just –” Sirius waved at a spot a little further away and Lily nodded and followed him.

“What is this all about?”

There was a long pause and Lily was half temped to just walk away when Sirius blurted out, “look I know you and Snape probably cooked up this boyfriend/girlfriend idea between you to punish James for last year, but I promise you, I was behind the whole thing. So could you please let it drop? James has got the message and he’s miserable. Besides, you and Snape aren’t really fooling anyone.”

Lily was stunned by what Sirius had just said and it took her a moment to find her voice, though the anger and frustration she felt was unmistakable when she did. “Excuse me? I’m afraid I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about, Black. Severus and I did not cook up any sort of plan between us to punish James nor are we trying to fool anyone.”

“Please, Evans, you two aren’t remotely believable as a couple, you don’t hold hands, you don’t kiss, you don’t – you know.” Sirius made what Lily considered to be a completely crude hand gesture here.

“And you know this how?”

“I haven’t seen anything. No one has seen anything. Come on, Lily, the game’s up. Can’t you forgive James already and take him back?”

“No – because – I – have – a – boyfriend.” She said each word slowly, in part in the hopes that they would sink into Black’s thick skull and in part in the effort to keep her temper in check. Is this really what people thought, that she and Severus were lying, putting on some kind of show in the attempt to punish someone else? The whole idea was revolting and she wanted to quash it, quickly. “And I promise you, my boyfriend and I do plenty of snogging. Is there anything about that statement you don’t understand?”

Sirius scoffed, “Sure and I’m the Minister of Magic. I’m afraid the proof is in the pudding.” He smiled at her and leaned towards her. “I’ll believe it when I see it and we both know that’s never going to happen.”

Lily’s hand curled around the wand in her pocket, for once she understood why Severus was always so antagonistic towards Sirius Black because at that moment she wanted nothing more than to wipe the smirk off his face. “Is that so? Fine, if it’s proof you want...”

Without another word she spun around and strode across the common room. Behind her she could hear James asking, “What the hell did you do, Padfoot?”

She didn’t bother to wait to hear what Black’s reply would be and she really didn’t care what it was. She pushed her way through the portrait hole with a bang, leaving the Pink Lady sputtering behind her. Seconds later she heard the portrait swing open again and James called out her name. Lily didn’t slow her pace in the least. Of all the people she wanted to talk to right now James Potter was right at the bottom of the list, along with the git he called his best friend, a best friend that was excitedly relaying the details of their conversation to James.

“Anyway, I told her there was no evidence she and Snape are a couple.”

“What did she say?” James asked eagerly.

“James, I thought you decided...”

“I was wrong, Moony, we were all wrong.”

“Prongs.”

“Shh, let Padfoot finish. Go on, Sirius.”

That was it! Lily had officially had enough! They wanted proof, she would give them proof, a whole passionate lot of it! She picked up her pace, determined to get to Severus quickly and put an end to Black’s stupid, half-baked theories.

The whole way through the castle, people were quick to move out of her way and for once, no one stopped her with questions or shouted out greetings and she was grateful. By the time she reached the dungeons, Lily had a stitch in her side, was slightly short of breath and almost overwhelmingly annoyed at her boyfriend and his wariness of public displays of affection.

She marched into the potions room, dropped her satchel on the floor, leaned down, placed her hands on either side of Severus’ face and planted her lips on his. Lily could tell Severus’ brain was whirling and if she gave him any time at all to think his natural reserve would cause him to pull away, so she quickly teased his lips open with her tongue. She could almost feel his hesitation flowing away and he was soon returning her kiss with an enthusiasm that took her breath away and left her weak at the knees.

Lily quickly forgot there was anyone watching them and when Severus rose to his feet and pulled her tightly to him, his fingers deftly removing the bobble that held her hair up so he could run his hands through the locks, all her sense of restraint fell away. It was an amazing snog, as usual, one that was cut abruptly short by the sound of a clearing throat.

“Eh hmm, Mr. Snape, Miss Evans.” Severus and Lily jumped apart guiltily at Professor Slughorn’s words. “While I am quite happy to see the two of you so – enamoured of one another, I think there are better times and places for you to demonstrate your affection for one another.”

“Yes, sir,” mumbled Severus, turning a furious shade of scarlet.

“We’re sorry, Professor Slughorn,” Lily added.

“Very well, settle down everyone.”

As the professor moved back to his table, chuckling to himself, Lily looked back over her shoulder to see her classmate’s reaction. The first things she noticed was the bemused expression on Remus’ face and the way Sabrina was biting her lip to keep from smiling. Lily had to stifle her own smile when she caught sight of Black, there was no other way to describe the look on his face other than utter shock. Her desire to laugh swiftly evaporated when she saw the sorrow in James’ eyes.

Completely chastened, Lily slid into her seat and focused on the table in front of her.

“Do you want to tell me what that was all about?” Severus whispered.

She swallowed hard before answering softly, “Later.”

Lily could tell Severus wanted to respond but was held in check as Slughorn began to explain the day’s lesson. Surprisingly Severus didn’t say another word about what had happened, even when they began brewing and the sounds in the classroom could have easily covered any conversation they had. Lily didn’t know if this was a good thing or a bad thing but it certainly was uncomfortable.

It was almost a relief when he turned to her and said, “What was that about?” as they exited the classroom.

“What was what about?”

“The kiss, Lily.”

“Are you complaining that I kiss you now?”

“Of course not, I’m just wondering why you felt the overwhelming need to do it in front of the entire class.”

Lily let out an exasperated huff before turning to face him. “What is wrong with you exactly?”

“Nothing, I’m just confused about why you snogged me at the particular time and in that particular place.”

Black smirked as he passed them and Severus quickly steered them into the deserted classroom down the hall. Once they were inside, he closed the door and turned to face her.

“Would you like to tell me what I’ve done to make you so annoyed at me?”

“Do you really need me to tell you?”

“Clearly.”

“Fine, this morning Sirius came to me and went on and on about how we can’t really be a couple. How we’ve concocted this whole plan between us to punish James for what happened at the end of last year.”

“What! Why the hell would he think that?”

“Maybe because we never kiss, you never even touch me.”

“Yes, we do. I do! What about the other night?!”

“Fine, you kiss me, touch me in private, never in public.”

It was Severus’ turn to let out an exasperated breath. “I wasn’t aware we had to have an epic snog in the middle of the Great Hall for the entire school to see.”

“We don’t!” Lily was back to being beyond frustrated. Why couldn’t he just understand what she wanted?

He took another deep breath in and slowly let it out. Then he very calmly said, “Then what do you want, Lily?”

“I want you to act like we’re a couple. I want you to hold my hand when we walk down the hall. I want…”

He swiftly cut her off. “I do that!”

“No, you don’t.”

Lily could see Severus searching his memory to find a time in the last week when he had held Lily’s hand in public, when he’d kissed her or done anything to publicly show they were a couple. She watched as the realization that he’d done none of the things came over him and his face fell. Before Lily could respond, he crossed to the other side of the room, boosted himself up on a table and held out a hand to her. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t – I’m sorry, please forgive me. I really didn’t mean to upset you.”

She sighed and walked over to the table, standing in between his legs. “I know that, I do. I’ve been trying not to let it trouble me. I _do_ know you’re more reserved at school but I hadn’t thought that would trickle over into our relationship. And I admit it hurts, maybe more now than it would have at any other time.”

Severus pulled her close, resting his forehead against hers. “Lily, I’m sorry if I hurt you, I promise it wasn’t my intension. It’s just that this, you, mean so much to me and there were so many times I doubted if we’d ever get here that I didn’t want to –” he broke off, clearly searching for the words he wanted. “I didn’t want to cheapen it, to make it feel like less than it is or worse like some unimportant school fling.”

Lily smiled. “You think holding hands in public makes it look like we’re having a fling?”

“Well, no. But in my observation couples that are extremely demonstrative in public don’t have any staying power. Lily, I don’t want that to be us. But, I also understand how you feel. I want people to know we’re together and we’re happy to be.”

He was clearly having a hard time trying to express what he was feeling but Lily was grateful he was at least trying. Still, she couldn’t bear to see him looking so confused and discouraged so she took his face in her hands and briefly pressed her lips to his. “Sev, I’m not asking for a full-on snog in public.”

He quirked an eyebrow at her, “Didn’t we just have one of those at the beginning of Potions?”

“Okay, I’m not asking for regular, full-on snogs in public. I just want some nice, semi-chaste kisses.”

“Semi-chaste?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know how to be completely chaste when I kiss you.”

“I’m not sure I know how to do that either. Anything else?”

“Lots of hugs would be great and I’d like to hold your hand when we walk through the halls and if anyone thinks that means we’re having a fling then so be it, because you know and I know that’s not what’s going on here. Do you think you can do that for me?”

He couldn’t keep back the smile that came to his lips. “Of course, I can do that for you.”

“Then how about you walk me to my next class?”

Severus jumped down from the table and took her bag off her shoulder, when she gave him a questioning look, he grinned and said, “If I’m going to do this, I’m going to do it right.” And then, taking her hand in his, he led her from the room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of quick notes. I am hopeful that updates will be coming more quickly than they have in the past. I am currently working on upcoming chapters. Please feel free to ask questions. I can't always answer because I don't want to give to much away but I love to get them and they help inspire me and occasionally the answers make it into future chapters.  
> Also, if you weren't aware, I did do a big update on all past chapters. Most of the updates were on grammar, spelling, that sort of thing but there were some slight story changes. The most significant was to the Lupin's backstory which now more closely matches what has been posted on Pottermore. So if you haven't done a reread in awhile you might be confused.


	48. Letters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little Samhain/Halloween present for everyone. I hope you enjoy. This chapter has not been betaed so any mistakes are mine alone.

Lily always thought of the month that followed in terms of letters. The deluge started three days after her mother’s surgery with a letter from May. Archimedes landed unenthusiastically in front of her at dinner and held a leg out to her. The moment Lily removed the stationary he winged away from her, not even bothering to take the piece of roast she offered him. She really couldn’t blame him. He must have only been at the house for a half hour or so before May had sent him back and the day before he had flown to Cambridge and back in record time. Lily promised herself she wouldn’t send him anywhere else for the next two days.

Lily watched him wing his way out of the window before turning her attention to the letter in her hand.

_Dear Lily and Sev,_

_I am so sorry I didn’t write sooner, but I really haven’t had a spare moment before now. First you should know Mum came through her surgery brilliantly, much better than expected in fact. When the doctors removed the left ovary they found the tumour was smaller than they originally thought. It also appears the cancer has not spread beyond that ovary. Dr. Archer has told us this is the best case scenario._

_We brought Mum home early the next morning and got her settled in. She has been resting very comfortably ever since. She spends quite a lot of time sleeping but we were warned that would be the case. Though she has already started on the reading list Severus left so I think that’s a good sign._

_Petunia seems to be doing better and has taken it on herself to be the household cook. We’re eating fabulously well and I’ll probably gain a stone by the time the month is over, but as long as it helps her get over her heartbreak I’ll put up with it. Alex has been marvellous and has done anything and everything we’ve asked him to do._

_I am settling in well and am happy despite everything. I have made some changes in our shared bedroom, Severus, to make it slightly more girly but it’ll be easy enough to change –_

_I absolutely can’t believe it! Edmund and Victoria sent their wretched lawyer over here to threaten me! They say I have 72 hours to return to finishing school or not only will they disinherit me but they will also cut Cris off! The whole thing got rather heated and ultimately everyone had a go at Mr. Sterling, even Petunia. I wouldn’t care but now Mum’s upset and of course I can’t be the reason Cris loses his money, not when he hasn’t finished university and has Honoria and the baby to support.  I really don’t want to go with Mum so ill but I’m not sure what else to do. I have promised to wait until after Alex has talked to his lawyer to make travel arrangements but it seems rather pointless to delay._

Lily bolted out of her seat. She heard shouts following her out of the Great Hall but didn’t pause to see who was calling to her much less answer them. She was determined to get to her common room and pack so she could go home. She continued to read the letter as she ran through the corridors.

_I am so very sorry, to you both; I know this isn’t what we’d all planned for this year. This is honestly beyond anything I had ever imagined them doing._

_Cris and Honoria have decided to come up this weekend as Honoria believes she can convince the ancestors she and Cris knew nothing about what I planned to do and didn’t help me. Failing that, she thinks she can play on their sympathy and at least get them to support their grandchild._

_Lily, Cris said to tell you not to do anything rash. He says to remember Petunia is still here as is Dr. Archer and Alex has vowed to stay for as long as Mum and Petunia need him no matter what happens with me._

_I should tell you I believe Cris and Alex have some sort of plan because Alex has been on the phone all day, with Cris, with his lawyers, I think he even phoned the finishing school. Of course, neither of them will tell me what the plan is, not even Cris though I’ve spoken to him four times already today._

_Sorry if this letter is a little rambling, I really don’t know what I’m about at the moment. I am so sorry to upset you both and maybe I shouldn’t have written but I can’t bear to keep you in the dark. If you’ve any of your brilliant ideas Sev this is the moment for them. Send Archimedes back when you can and I’ll send you news as soon as I have any. For now I’m just going to concentrate on taking care of Mum, because if I don’t keep busy, I’ll go round the bend._

_I love you both so very much,_

_May_

_Ps. Mum says you are both absolutely forbidden to come home._

Lily paused when she read the postscript. It was just enough time to allow Severus to catch up to her.

“What is going on?” He panted, doubled over, palms resting on his thighs.

“I have to go home tonight, now.”

“Why, what happened?”

Lily simply passed him the letter and turned to continue her journey up the stairs. She didn’t get more than a step before Severus stopped her by quickly grasping her hand. His eyes raced down the page and Lily watched as a variety of emotions flickered across his face.

“Shite.” He muttered when he reached the end of the page.

“See, I have to go back to Cokeworth right away.”

Severus paused and gazed out the window for a second clearly deep in thought, then he sighed and shook his head, obviously psyching himself up to say something. But Lily was suddenly in no mood for what he was about to say so she snapped, “Severus, I don’t have time for this! I have to get home before Mum is left alone.”

“She’s not going to be alone. Petunia’s there, Alex is there. And I’ll bet anything you like Cris will be there tomorrow. Besides, May’s not gone yet, nor…”

Lily cut him off abruptly, pulling her hand out of his. “She will be soon and when May leaves Alex will go and then it will be just Tuney and she can’t handle it.”

“Lil, let’s wait and see what it is Cris and Alex are planning.”

“No! You said if I wanted to go home you’d get me there.”

“And I will. I promise. But I think it’s more prudent to wait. The house has to be in turmoil right now, and Vi’s bound to be upset. I’m afraid if we turn up in the middle of the night we’ll only make things worse.

“Let’s send Archimedes back with a reply and then give it 24 hours and if we’ve heard nothing good in that amount of time we’ll go back.”

Lily wavered, everything in her screamed at her to go home but she also didn’t want to cause her mother any more distress. Severus seemed to sense her uncertainty, and ran a gentle hand up her arm. “It’s late. By the time we pack and speak to the Headmaster to get permission to leave, which we’ll have to if we have any hope of coming back to finish the term, and get back to Cokeworth it’ll be very late. We’ll wake everyone and they’ll get upset again, especially Violet. Let her have a decent night’s sleep before we potentially upset her more.”

Lily hesitated, she didn’t really want to wait to leave but she could see the logic behind Severus’ thinking. He watched her while she debated with herself. She finally nodded reluctantly. “Alright, we’ll wait but if we don’t hear anything by tomorrow night...”

“Then we’ll go.” His voice was strong and determined, leaving Lily with no doubt he meant every word he was saying.

“Okay, I’m going to write May in the meantime.”

“I’ll meet you outside your common room first thing in the morning.” He leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss, headless of the people walking by. “Try and get some sleep tonight,” he whispered.

“I will.” She promised.

Severus seemed reluctant to leave so Lily gave him a small smile. “Walk me back?”

“Of course.” He took her hand in his and walked them slowly down the hall.

“Did you think the Halls would do anything like this?”

“No, we all knew they’d cut May off but I never thought they’d disinherit Cris – though I honestly don’t think they’ll do it when push comes to shove.”

“You think it’s a bluff?”

“I do. Neither of the Halls seem stupid. They have to know the best way to get May to do what they want is to threaten Cris and vice-versa. Besides the Halls are all about appearances and it would look appallingly bad if they cut off both their children at once, especially since one of them just got married and is going to be a parent.”

“So how do we call the bluff?”

“I’m thinking about that.”

Lily sighed. “What if they aren’t bluffing?”

“They are, trust me. We’ll figure this out, Angel.”

“Maybe I’m just not supposed to be here this year.”

“You can’t really think that.”

“Sev.”

Severus stopped and turned so he was facing her. “Lil, you’re upset right now and when you get upset nothing is clear. Trust me, I know what it’s like to second guess every decision you make. I believe if we take tonight to think things through we’ll come up with a solution because this isn’t just about what’s good for Violet, it’s about what’s best for everyone, Violet, May, Cris, Honoria, the baby, even you and me.”

Lily looked at him intently. “You know you don’t have to leave if I do. You can stay here, finish the year.”

Severus’ face shifted the tiniest bit but it was enough for Lily to know he was upset and hurt. “You don’t want me to go back with you?”

“Oh, dearest, of course, I do, I always want you with me. I’d bring you into the common room with me tonight if I didn’t know what an uproar it would cause, but I also want you to have your dream job with Hippos and I know you need to finish your N.E.W.T. year in order for that to happen.”

“You know, you’re also going to need to finish school in order to get a job.”

“I know that on a practical level but on emotional one – Do you think if I talked to Dumbledore he’d let me come back next year?”

“Maybe.” Severus said though he sounded doubtful. He took a hold of her hand again and started walking down the hall. “Though I’m honestly not sure what that would solve.”

“I’d be able to finish my N.E.W.T year and mum will have someone besides Tuney to help her.”

“And May is left going to a school she hates. You’re potentially mucking up you’re whole future. We’ll be apart for at least a year, which I know sounds trivial in the grand scheme of things but I admit I’m not keen on the idea of facing trying to get away from You-Know-Who on my own with no support whatsoever.”

Lily glanced at him and bit her lip. In her worry about her mother, she hadn’t stopped to think about how her decision might impact anyone else. Could she really leave Severus to deal with the Death Eaters on his own? She was about to suggest he also talk to Dumbledore about taking a year off school and finishing next year, but before she could start to suggest it Severus said, “You know, it’s odd to me the Halls would insist May go back to finishing school at all.”

“It’s not to me. They think a fancy finishing school will guarantee them a more prestigious son-in-law.”

“Except May and Alex have been together for a year and it’s hard to get more prestigious than a future marquess. You’d think they wouldn’t want to risk straining that relationship. What if Alex found someone else while May was in Switzerland? Or what if his grandmother finally persuaded him to be with that Lady Daphne or whatever her name was?”

“You don’t think Alex would really leave May do you?”

“No, but what I think isn’t important, it’s what the Halls think.”

“Who knows what they think.”

“In this case we’re going to have to hope Cris and Alex do.”

“I just…” Lily stopped, clearly frustrated. Severus waited patiently for her to continue. It took several moments before she finally did. “I want to do something, fix it.

“I hate this, Sev. I hate that I’m not home. I hate mum’s sick. I hate May’s in this position. I hate the Halls are using Cris to get May to do what they want.”

Severus hugged her and murmured into her hair, “I know. I do. I wish I could fix it too.”   

They stood that way for several minutes before Lily stepped away and started walking back up towards Gryffindor tower. She didn’t say anything else until they had gone up several flights.

“Sev, what do you think about me talking to Dumbledore and seeing if we can go home on weekends?”

“I really think we should wait and see what happens before talking to the Headmaster.”

“I think going home for weekends might be a good idea no matter what.”

“How do you figure?”

“Well, I’ll be there to help Mum and you can be away from Avery and Mulciber. And maybe if they report you’re not around as much they might be more inclined to let you go. Plus, if we’re only home weekends Mum won’t be upset because we’ll both still be in school.”

Severus looked uncertain but said nothing.

“Would you be willing to go to Cokeworth on the weekends?” Lily asked as they reached the portrait of the Fat Lady.

 Severus’ gazed flitted out the window, he took a deep breath and then looked down at her. “I – it depends on what happens. If May stays then I don’t think it would be a good idea.” Lily started to protest but he held up a hand to stop her. “Please let me finish. It would be a lot of people in the house, which means more chaos and less rest for Violet. It would also mean May would have to move rooms on the weekends and that would make for a lot of extra work for her. Not to mention we’d have to cram all our school work into the weekdays and I think we would both get run down quite quickly and there’s your Head Girl duties. I’m not saying I won’t do it and if May has to leave then I think it’s worth exploring but I also think we shouldn’t make any decisions until we have all the facts.”

“I just can’t stand feeling so useless and knowing what’s going on and not being able to help.”

“I hate feeling out of control too. But there’s nothing we can do about it tonight and worrying won’t help anything.” He leaned down and kissed her again. “Go write May and get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Lily returned his kiss and then whispered, “I love you, Sev.”

“I love you too, Lily.”

She gave him one last kiss before entering the common room.

She was in the midst of writing May when James sat down in the chair opposite her.

“Is everything alright with you? You sped out of dinner awfully quickly.”

“I – it’s just family issues.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

Lily paused for a moment before answering. “Would you be willing to take up some of the head duties on your own? And if we could change our meetings to a weeknight that would be helpful.”

“Weeknights would be hard because I have quidditch practice and since I’ve had had to incorporate two new players into the team we need more practice than last year.”

“I thought you only needed to replace Frank this year.”

“I needed to replace Sirius too.”

“Why? Being taken off the team wasn’t part of the punishment.”

“Dumbledore pulled him off the team.”

“Why?”

“It’s complicated. I don’t want to bother you with it right now. It would be helpful to me if we could keep the meeting on Saturday mornings.”

“I don’t think that’s going to work for me at all. Could you do Sunday night?”

James thought for a moment before nodding and saying, “I think I can rearrange some stuff.”

“Thank you, James.”

He started to rise from the table but then stopped and dropped back into his seat. “Lily, I wanted to apologize for the other day, before potions.”

“James…”

He held up a hand to stop her. “Sirius and I – we were wrong. I realise you’re with Snape and I have to respect that no matter...” James stopped and took a deep breath in before continuing. “You told me at the end of last year we could be friends and I’d like to try to do that.”

“What about Severus?”

“I really don’t think either Snape or I have any desire to be friends.”

“I’m not suggesting you be best mates with him or anything but can’t you at least try to be civil?”

“Is he going to promise the same?”

“If he does?”

James sighed and looked off into the distance for a moment before looking back at Lily. “Alright then.”

“Great. I’ll take care of it with Severus.”

“Right. Well then. If you need anything else just let me know.”

“I will.” Lily picked her quill back up as James pushed his chair away from the table.

“Ta.”

“Ta.” Lily replied absentmindedly her head already bent back over her letter and all her concentration on the words she was penning to May.

It was quite late when Lily finished her letter and she snuck out of the common room, for once unconcerned she was breaking curfew. She just wanted to send the missive off to Bloom Street as soon as possible and she figured her Head Girl status would give her a little bit of cover if she happened to get caught. Though she still made certain to be as quiet and cautious as possible on her way to the owlery.

“Archimedes.” She whispered loudly to the room at large. There was no answer but a few soft hoots. She wandered the mostly deserted room looking for her owl. She finally found him in a dark corner with his head tucked under his wing.

“Archimedes, I need you to take a letter home.”

The bird poked an eye out and looked at her blearily for a moment before reshutting his eye disdainfully.

“Please, Archimedes.” Lily pleaded.

This time the owl didn’t move in the slightest.

“Mum’s sick and she needs our help.”

Lily could almost swear she heard the bird sigh before he raised his head and swooped down to her. “Thank you, boy. I promise you’ll have a nice long rest soon.”

He gave her a disbelieving look but took the letter and winged his way out into the night.

Lily stood looking out after him for a long while after he left before finally creeping back to the dorm and her bed. She slept appallingly badly that night and wasn’t in the best of moods the next morning. She fought hard not to snap at Aioffe when the girl turned up with another half a dozen prefect related questions and the only thing that kept her from falling asleep in History of Magic was her anxiety.

By dinner Lily was so tense her neck and back ached and she swore she was only one misplaced word away from bursting into tears. Something that seemed far more likely when she spied Archimedes’ tawny wings catch the last rays of the sun as he flew into the Great Hall.

She could tell he was weary as she took the letter from him and petted him on the head. “Thank you boy. Nothing else tonight I promise.”

He gave her an exhausted hoot. Lily didn’t bother to watch him fly away before she opened the letter and read it.

“What does it say?” Severus asked, sitting down next to Lily and pointedly ignoring the scathing look Sirius Black was giving him.

“May isn’t leaving.” Lily replied beaming at him.

“See, I told you Cris would figure something out.”

“Actually, it seems Alex went over to the Hall house and spoke to them. May says she doesn’t know what he said but an hour later the Hall’s lawyer rang and said not only did May not have to go back to finishing school but she could keep staying with mum.”

“So, I guess we’re staying here then?”

“I gather you still think it’s a bad idea to go home on weekends?”

“Yes, I think it’s just too much upheaval all around.” Severus glanced towards the Slytherin table where Avery and Mulciber were whispering to one another. “Though I admit the idea does have some merit.”

“What are they doing to you?”

“Nothing to concerning.”

“Sev.”

“Just general annoyance, lots of snide comments about you and me and my overall unworthiness.”

“Do you think it means it’s almost over?”

“I honestly can’t tell anymore.”

“At least we’ve had one piece of good news.” Lily glanced down at the letter in her hand.

Severus nodded and then took the stationary from her and read through the letter himself while Lily began to eat her dinner, finally hungry for the first time in days.

Lily didn’t see Archimedes again for several days, then one morning he entered the Great Hall, circled the room once and landed in front of Severus at the Slytherin table. This time the owl stayed long enough to take a bacon rind and drink from Severus’ goblet before he took off again.

Severus didn’t bother to stay at the table to read the letter. Instead, he picked up his satchel and left the hall, opening the letter as he walked. Lily waited a minute before she also gathered up her possessions and left the Great Hall already thinking about where Severus could have possibly gone to read his letter.

It turned out she didn’t have to look too far because he was standing at the top of the stairs leading down to the dungeons silently laughing over the letter in his hand.

“I like him.” He declared as Lily walked towards him.

“Who?”

“Alex.”

“Alex wrote you?”

“No, Cris wrote me.”

“I don’t understand.”

“That’s because you haven’t read the letter yet.”

“So read it to me.”

Severus looked around the entrance way and then nodded her down the stairs and into a deserted classroom. He promptly turned and held the letter out to her but Lily shook her head and waved at him, clambering up on to a table. “Just tell me what it says.”

Severus sat down on the table next to her, smiled and cleared his throat. “Dear Sev and Lil – ”

“You don’t have to read it, you can just summarize.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Well, it seems the long and short of it is Alex went to the Halls and told them he has every intention of marrying May but he wasn’t interested in doing another year of long distance so if she went back to finishing school they were done.”

Lily gasped. “He didn’t”

“He absolutely did. He also told them his family thought it was admirable she was staying with Violet and helping her, especially his grandmother, the dowager. Apparently she was a nurse during the First World War and she finds May’s care of Violet to be particularly commendable and not a trait that’s often seen in young ladies these days. Alex said he feared May leaving would not be looked on at all favourably by his family.”

“And for all this you like him?”

Severus laughed. “Of course. He saw through them. He understands their social ambition. Alex wasn’t really going to leave May. He just played on their weakness. It’s absolutely brilliant! He’s a shrewd one.”

“In that case maybe we should ask him for some advice for you.”

“Maybe we should at that.” Severus gave the letter another glance before he held it out to Lily. “You sure you don’t want to read it?”

Lily shook her head and smiled. “No, I imagine the rest is football updates and I’m okay if I miss reading about those.”

“Fair enough.”

Lily hopped down from the table and turned back around to look at Severus who was collecting their bags and the letter. “Do you trust Alex enough to ask him for advice?”

“Honestly – not yet, but I can see how I could get there some day.”

“That’s good since apparently he’s all set to become a family member. I wonder if May knows?”

“Are you going to tell her?”

“No. I think she should hear it from Alex that he intends to marry her.”

Severus nodded in agreement. “I guess that means there’ll be a wedding next summer after all.”

“Maybe. It depends on when he asks and how long it takes to plan.”

Severus laughed lightly and Lily gave him a slightly questioning look. “Just because Cris and you and I don’t think it’s appropriate to say anything doesn’t mean the Halls will feel that way. I give it until Christmas before they’re pressuring him to propose or one of them slips up and tells May. Of course, given Alex’s actions these last few days that’ll probably backfire spectacularly on them, and he’ll wait even longer to ask. I wondered what they’ll do then?” He grinned at her mischievously.

Lily laughed happily. “Oh you and Alex are definitely going to end up friends!”

Severus joined her laughter for a moment and then said. “I should go or I’ll be late for Arithmancy.”

Lily took her bag from his hand and followed him out of the room. “I’ll see you later.”

“You want to meet tonight to start studying for N.E.W.T.s?”

“I can’t. I have patrol.”

Severus nodded seriously. “I guess you probably won’t have time for a dedicated study schedule this year.”

“I absolutely will. I’ll get you my patrol schedule in the next few days and you can work something up for us.” When they came to the end of the corridor Lily reached up and pulled Severus’ head down so she could give him a quick kiss. “I’ll see you soon. Don’t study to hard tonight and remember to eat something.”

Severus smiled and nodded before heading off towards Arithmancy. Since she had a free period Lily took herself off to the dorm to copy her schedules and do a little studying.

The rest of the day past uneventfully and she found she was in a good frame of mind when she went to meet Remus in the common room for patrol duty that night. At least she thought they were supposed to be meeting but he was conspicuously absent and instead Lily found James Potter loafing by the entrance to the girls’ dorms.

“Hi, I know Remus was supposed to patrol with you tonight but he got a letter from his mother about something and he seemed pretty agitated so I told him I’d take his patrol so he could owl her. I hope that’s okay.”

Lily nodded. “I hope everything’s alright with Mrs. Lupin.”

“Remus didn’t say exactly what was going on and he was too distracted to really answer any questions.”

Lily made a mental note to find Remus later and make sure nothing had happened to either his mother or sister. “Well, should we get going then?”

“We’re just waiting for Sirius.”

“Excuse me?”

“I told Sirius I’d walk down to detention with him before I found out about Remus’ situation.”

“Potter, Black’s a big boy, I’m sure he’s more than capable of walking himself down to detention.”

“Yes, but he’s my friend and I gave him my word and I keep my word to my friends.”

Lily gave an exasperated huff. “Fine, do what you want. I’ll meet you in a half hour in front of the Great Hall.”

“Come on, Lily surely you can wait a few more minutes for us.” Before Lily could respond James walked over to the staircase leading up to the boy’s dorms and bellowed up it, “Sirius, get your arse down here now or Lily and I are leaving without you!”

A second later Sirius thundered down the staircase like a herd of mad hippogriffs were after him. “Alright, alright everyone keep their wig on.” Sirius grinned at them both saucily, while tucking his wand into his back pocket. “Let’s go.”

Lily sighed and followed the two boys out of the portrait hole. The whole way to Professor McGonagal’s office Sirius joked around and teased people they passed, especially the couples, with James occasionally joining in if he knew the two people. Lily found her good mood was slowly starting to ebb away. Sirius did become noticeably more grave when they reached the professor’s door though Lily noticed he gave James what she assumed was meant to be a subtle wink and shove towards her before he disappeared behind the heavy wooden door.

Thankfully James became much mellower once Sirius was gone. It didn’t take long for Lily to notice he was extraordinarily lax when it came to giving out punishments or deducting points when they caught any rule breakers. Indeed, he seemed to leave the disciplining up to her more often than not. At first Lily thought this was because he hadn’t been a prefect and wasn’t particularly clear on the rules but then she found him deducting what she thought was an unreasonably large number of points from a Slytherin first year. When she pointed this out to James he said she hadn’t seen everything and he stood by his deduction.

Since she couldn’t prove he had done anything wrong, all Lily could do was resolve to keep a closer eye on James’ deductions for the foreseeable future.

They continued on in silence for quite some time when James suddenly asked, “So, is your family issue sorted out?”

Lily was startled by the unexpected question. “What?”

“You seem less – tense lately I was hoping it meant your family issue was solved.”

“It’s not solved but it’s a little more settled.”

“That’s good.”

At that moment, Lily heard a loud sound coming rustling sound from a nearby alcove and she threw back the tapestry covering it to find two students locked in a passionate embrace, their clothes pushed aside and their movements leaving little doubt as to what they were doing. She coughed loudly and watched as the couple broke apart guiltily. “It’s almost curfew, back to your dorms.”

The twosome hastily jumped apart and straightened their clothes. Then one sped towards the Ravenclaw tower and the other towards the Hufflepuff common room.

“Did you have to be so hard on them?” James asked kicking a pair of pants towards the back of the alcove.

“I wasn’t hard on them. I didn’t take any points and I’m not going to report them.”

“You could have just pretended you didn’t see and let them carry on.”

“It’s against the rules, James.”                                                                                                        

“And I suppose you’ve never…”

Lily could feel herself blushing to the very roots of her hair. “It doesn’t matter what I have or haven’t done, what matters right now is we’re Head Girl and Boy, we’re patrolling, they broke the rules and so we had to stop them.”

“Sometimes you have to break the rules and other times the rules are simply stupid or outdated.”

“Or just shouldn’t apply to you and your friends?” Lily couldn’t help but ask. The sight of the Ravenclaw boy’s pants suddenly causing her to recall the scene at the end of fifth year and wondering just how far things had gone with Severus after she had left. Why had she never thought to ask him about that?

“Well…”

“You’re a real piece of work, Potter.” Lily shook her head and stormed outside wanting to breathe in some fresh air for a moment.

“Lily.”

“Don’t right now.”

James sighed and came to stand by her side. For a long moment he was silent and then he quietly said, “I break the rules every month for one of my best friends and I refuse to apologize for it because it makes his life better.”

Lily thought about it for a moment and found it hard to argue with what James had said. “That’s admirable and I understand why you do it but there are things you’ve done that aren’t about making Remus’ life better or more bearable. Things that have just been cruel.”

“Are you talking about Snape specifically?”

“Maybe.” There was a long pause and then Lily blurted out the question that had been plaguing her since Potter had entered the Prefect compartment this year. “Why did Dumbledore make you Head Boy?”

James looked fixedly off in to the distance. “One of the things that most upset Remus about what we did third year, what Sirius did last year was – He said Dumbledore took an enormous risk allowing him to come to Hogwarts and we had betrayed that trust.” There was a moment of silence then James continued, “when Sirius told Remus what happened, Remus was so upset he told us he was going to leave school for good.”

Lily gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. “Are you kidding?”

“No. It took ounce of persuasion I had and Sirius begging, crying, pleading really to talk Remus in to staying. I could tell it was still praying on Remus though and I was worried he would still leave so…” James paused, took a deep breath in and hurried on. “I went to Dumbledore and told him everything, what we had done in third year, what Sirius did last year. How torn up Remus was, how incredibly guilty I felt, the punishment you, Remus and Snape came up with. I told him if he wanted to expel me and Sirius I would understand but I hoped he wouldn’t do anything to Peter since he just went along with us. And Remus hadn’t had any knowledge of any of it so clearly he should be able to stay at school. In fact, I wanted Dumbledore to talk him into staying.”

“What did Dumbledore say?” asked Lily.

“That he was disappointed in us, that we had put everyone at risk, ourselves, Remus, a fellow student, maybe even everyone in school and  the village if Remus had broken free.

“I take it you didn’t tell him the three of you are animagi then?”

“No, it didn’t seem right to take away Remus’ one source of comfort.

“Anyway, he also said coming to him showed amazing bravery and strength of character. Then Dumbledore had a long talk with Remus, they were in there for hours, after that Moony didn’t say another word about leaving. I don’t know what the Headmaster said to Sirius and Peter when he called them in. I do know they were both given detention, Sirius for the entire year, he was also taken off the Quidditch team and banned from the village.”

“And you were made Head Boy. Hardly seems fair.”

“Yeah, I know. Though it certainly cuts down on my free-time and between Remus and I, we’re able to keep Sirius mostly under control.

“Look Lily, I never would have imagined in a million years Dumbledore would make me Head Boy, especially after what I told him. I honestly thought he would give it to Remus as a show of confidence in him.

“Hell, I wouldn’t have even been surprised if he had given it to Snape to make up for what had been done to him.”

“And yet here you are.”

“Yes.”

“Then maybe, all things considered, you should take it more seriously.”

“I do.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, why would you think I don’t?”

“You have to be fair, James and meet out punishments equally to all houses. There can’t be favouring of one house over another, it isn’t right. And you can’t leave giving out detentions and taking away points to whomever you’re patrolling with just because you want to be popular and well liked.”

“I – okay, you might have a point about being more even handed. I’ll try. It might take a bit to adjust, so point it out if you see me being unfair, alright?”

“Alright.”

“And it honestly wasn’t my intension to leave it to you or anyone else to dole out all the punishment or take away all the points. I just think – well, most of the rules do seem pretty pointless and archaic to me.”

“And if you’re ever Headmaster you can change them but until then we have to enforce the rules as they are.”

“Thanks but I’m not at all interested in being Headmaster so I guess the rules will have to stay the same.”

James turned and headed back into the castle. Lily quickly joined him and they walked back towards the tower in companionable silence. They had just reached the foot of the tower when they saw Remus rushing towards them obviously trying to make it back to the common room undetected.

James drew his watch from his pocket and smiled at Lily. “Am I supposed to take points from him since he’s technically out three minutes past curfew?”

“He’s also a prefect so I think we can let it slide this once.”

James smirked before sliding the watch back into his pocket and waiting for his friend to catch up to them. “Did you get your owl off to Mrs. L ?”

“Yes.” Remus replied tersely.

“Is everything okay, Remus?”

Remus looked over at Lily. “I hope so. There was an issue moving one of the things Mam needed from the village.”

“What sort of issue?” James asked curiously.

“I’m guessing the person sending it got the timing wrong because it didn’t arrive and Mam is upset because it’s one of the most precious things Dad gave her – I wish we could have taken care of it before I came back to school.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“They were still trying to work out where she was going and she didn’t want to move it until she was certain she was safe and settled.”

“Does Mrs. L have it now?”

“I don’t know. I ran into Dumbledore earlier, at the owlery, and told him what had happened and he said he’d look into it for me.”

“Why would…?” James started but Lily quickly cut him off knowing full well it was Annabelle Mrs. Lupin had been expecting tonight.

“I take it that means your mother’s all settled in somewhere safe now?”

“Yes, at least that’s what I’ve been told.” Remus answered before giving the password to the Fat Lady.

 “If Dumbledore arranged it then I’m sure it’s as safe as it can possibly be.”

Remus nodded though he still looked worried. Lily grasped his hand and squeezed. “I’m certain your mother will have what she’s waiting for very soon.”

“Thanks, Lily.” He whispered before trudging up the stairs to the boys’ dorms.

“I guess I should go with him, see if I can cheer him up a little.”

“James, maybe just let him talk about his mum tonight instead of trying to cheer him.”

“You think that’s what he needs?”

“I do. Sometimes you just need to be scared and have someone be supportive while you are, especially when you’re far away and there’s nothing you can do and no way you can help.”

“Okay. Thanks for the advice.”

“Sure.” Lily gave him a quick smile before heading up to the stairs to her room. It took her a long time to fall asleep that night, turning the story James had told her over and over in her mind and wondering whether or not she should share it with Severus.

She still hadn’t made a decision by the time she went down to breakfast the next morning. She was half tempted to ask Remus his opinion but noticed he still looked incredibly tense himself. On one side of him, Sirius was making two sausages dance around his plate, surely in an attempt to get his friend to smile, while Sabrina was rubbing a comforting hand up and down his arm even while she was engaged in conversation with Alice.

“Any news yet?” Lily asked, sitting down across from Sabrina.

Remus shook his head and continued to poke at the tomato on his plate.

“Come on Moony, how important a thing could it really be? Surely Mrs. L could just buy a new one of whatever it is.” Peter squeaked.

Sabrina’s hand instantly stopped moving and Lily watched as Remus practically bent his fork in two. “No.” he snapped. “It’s irreplaceable.” Remus threw the fork down on the table and swung his leg over the bench but paused as several owls flew in to the Great Hall. His head lifted up and he watched as the birds circled the room. A large screech owl suddenly swooped down and landed in front of Remus, who didn’t even bother to move from his awkward position before he untied the letter from its leg.

Sabrina gave the owl a bit of toast since Remus was too distracted to bother. The letter must have been amazingly short because it took the brown eyes only seconds to skim it. Then he leaned down and planted a joyful kiss on his girlfriend’s lips laughing gleefully as he did so.

“I take it everything’s fine now?” Sabrina asked laughing in return.

“Yes, got there early this morning. Mam says she’s – really happy. I have to write her back.” Remus started digging in his satchel for parchment and a quill before looking up. “Where did that owl go?”

James laughed. “Flew away, I think your exuberance scared him.” 

“Oh well, I’ll go get another. Today is going to be a bloody great day!” Remus slapped Sirius on the back, grabbed one of the sausages off his plate and picked up Sabrina’s bag. “Come on, Cariad, We can walk to class together after.”

“Guess he can’t do without me.” Sabrina picked up a small pile of toast and slid her hand into her boyfriend’s. Then the two of them walked away, heads together and chatting happily.

“That was a little odd, don’t you think?” Sirius asked James.

“You mean his reaction?”

“I mean the whole thing. What could have possibly been that important to Mrs. L? Something’s going on with Moony.”

Lily couldn’t help but interject, hoping to keep Sirius from digging to deeply in to Remus’ life. “His father was killed, his mother has had to be moved and is in hiding. And to top it all off Remus is at school where he can’t do anything but sit and worry. Trust me, under those circumstances every little thing feels like a big thing.”

“Lily’s probably right, Sirius let’s not read too much in to Remus’ behaviour.”

Lily smiled at James, who smiled back warmly. Lily’s smile faltered a little when she caught a glimpse of Severus over James’ shoulder, his attention focused on the letter in hand, a frown on his face.

“Everything okay, Lily?”

“Yes, fine, James.”

“I still think Remus is behaving oddly. He constantly had excuses for why he couldn’t be around this summer, even before Mr. L died and they were always stupid excuses.”

James laughed loudly at Sirius’ statement. “I think the real excuse was probably called Sabrina and he just didn’t want us taking the mickey out of him for it.”

“He seemed perfectly normal when he and Sabrina were with Frank and me over the summer.” Alice supplied helpfully.

“He was with you and Frank this summer?” Sirius asked clearly curious.

Alice nodded. “Yeah, we met up a couple of times.”

“So did we.” Lily added. “And Remus was his usual self then too.”

Sirius turned to face her. “Remus was with Snape?”

“Remus and Sabrina came to my house several times and yes, they and Severus and I all spent time together.”

“Doing what?”

“Sirius.” James cautioned under his breath.

Lily took a calming breath in. “We were plotting how to take over the world, Black over tea and biscuits. After that, we went to the cinema and then to get something to eat. Does that answer your question?”

“Just curious why Remus is spending so much time with Snape these days.”

“Perhaps you should ask Remus yourself.”

“I did.”

“Well then, I guess you have your answer.”

“Maybe I didn’t like it.”

“Padfoot, stop.”

“No, I don’t trust that greasy git.”

Lily rose from the table. “Of all the people sitting at this table, Black you’re the only one who’s shown how little they deserve anyone’s trust.”

“Lily, please. Sirius, apologize to Lily.”

“Evans, I’m sorry. I just don’t want to see Remus or you hurt. And I know those people, I come from them. They don’t change.”

Lily looked across the hall to where Sirius’ younger brother sat, actually slightly isolated from the rest of the potential Death Eaters. “Maybe they can, if they have the right help and support.”

Sirius looked at her with a mixture of scepticism and pity. Deciding she had nothing else to say, Lily shook her head, grabbed a couple of pieces of toast and turned away.

“Evans – Lily, I mean it. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

Lily turned back around and looked at Sirius. “Maybe you should spare some of that compassion for your brother.”

Sirius looked over his shoulder at the Slytherin table and for a second Lily saw a flicker of wistfulness pass over his face. But it drained away as Avery and Mulciber moved down the table to join the younger Black. “Reg is already lost.”

Lily was tempted to argue with Sirius but he now looked so hard and obstinate she wasn’t sure it would be worth the effort. Besides, Severus had risen from the Slytherin table and she had to admit her curiosity over what was in his letter was getting the better of her. So, without another word, she turned her back on her house table and exited the Great Hall, waiting just outside the doorway for Severus. He came out the door only moments after her, his eyes still trained on the letter in his hand.

“Who’s your letter from?” she asked.

“Hmm – what?” Severus answered, looking up distractedly.

“Your letter.”

“Oh, it’s from my mother.”

“How is she?”

“She’s well. Still with my grandfather in Wales.”

“And how is that going?”

Severus frowned. “I can’t really tell. She says he’s at least talking to her and they’re apparently figuring things out.”

“That doesn’t sound bad.”

“It’s complicated and there are conditions to her – to us being welcomed back in to the family.”

“What sort of conditions?”

“She didn’t get in to all the details but the main objective of it appears to be – my grandfather would like to erase all evidence of my parents’ marriage from family history.”

“And what about you?” Lily asked indigently. “Is your existence supposed to be wiped from the record along with your parent’s marriage?”

“No, my understanding is my father wouldn’t be mentioned as my father any longer.”

“So you’ll have no father, like Merlin or something?”

“Actually, I think in legends Merlin has a father, and I would have one he just wouldn’t be mentioned and the marriage would have never taken place. Officially, in the family record, I would be illegitimate.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“I don’t know. I obviously can’t say I have any attachment to my father but…” he stopped abruptly.

Lily waited patiently while he gathered his thoughts though she was almost certain she knew where his conflict lay.

Her suspicions were confirmed when he began to speak again. “If I agree to this then it’s as if I’m saying I’m ashamed of my gram, as if she was unimportant.”

“I don’t think it says that.”

“Doesn’t it? If I become a Prince she’ll be gone forever.”

“Are you saying – you would change your name?”

“Yes, that would be one of the conditions of the reconciliation.”

Lily couldn’t help but wrinkle her nose in distaste. “But…”

“Go on.”

“You’re Severus Snape. You’ve been Severus Snape for almost 18 years and now you’re just supposed to become Severus Prince overnight?”

“Apparently.”

Lily couldn’t quite wrap her brain around the idea. She scrutinized him closely. There was just no way she could think of him with any other surname, though she didn’t know precisely how to say that to him. Luckily she didn’t have to because he smiled at her and asked, “you don’t like it, do you?”

“Not really.” She answered honestly. “I’m sorry. I just think Severus Tobias Snape sounds much better than Severus Tobias Prince.” She stopped as another thought popped in to her head. “Sev, if your grandfather wants to deny who and what your father is and undoubtedly claim you’re a pureblood isn’t he going to have an issue with us being together?”

“He can’t claim I’m a pureblood, everyone knows I’m not.”

“But you’re dating a muggleborn.”

“You’re a witch. It’s not the same situation as my parents. He’ll see that.”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”

“Lil, trust me, the minute he meets you he’s going to see what a talented witch you are. It’s different from my parents. I swear. We aren’t going to hold each other back like my father held my mother back.”

Lily didn’t know what to say. Nothing Severus had ever told her about his grandfather made her think of him as an open minded person who’d be willing to accept a muggleborn witch into his family.

“When do you have to make a decision by, about your name and your father?”

“My mother will make the decision about whether she wants to continue to have the marriage recognized. I don’t know when I have to make my decision by. Maybe – ” Severus looked down at the letter in his hand. “I don’t even know him, so how...”

“Then maybe it’s time you met. Perhaps it would make it easier to make a decision.”

“Perhaps. Do you think you could come with me one afternoon during Christmas hols?”

“Wouldn’t you rather meet your grandfather alone the first time or with your mother?”

“No, I’d rather meet him with my best friend, the woman I love, by my side. Besides, I trust your judgement. I want to get your impression of him, hear what you think.”

“Alright then.”

“I guess I’d best send word back to mum then, ask her to arrange something. Can I borrow Archimedes when I’m ready to send the letter?”

“Of course. He should be back from Cokeworth soon.”

“I didn’t realize you’d sent him back already.”

“Yesterday.”

“Ah, I was going to send a word also.”

“I’m sorry. I should have asked. I guess I thought you’d said everything you’d wanted in the last letter.”

“It’s fine. It’s not as if we won’t send another soon.” Severus stated knowing Archimedes was flying back and forth on average every two to three days.

Sometimes the letters were simple, just a hastily scribbled line that everything was alright in Bloom Street or Cambridge or at Hogwarts. Other times they were lengthier like when Cris wrote about Honoria’s doctor’s appointment or Lily wrote back about her Head Girl duties. And it was a rather lengthy letter Severus tied to Archimedes’ leg a few days later.  

Lily saw Severus dedicatedly watching the ceiling for the next several days but when Archimedes failed to turn up after four days Lily suggested they go to the owlery and look for him. She could see his disappointment when they found the tawny owl tucked in a dark corner.

“I’m sure him being here doesn’t mean anything dearest. Maybe they needed time to make arrangements or it’s just too soon for them to make plans.”

“Maybe.” Severus conceded though Lily thought he sounded doubtful.

“Do you want to try sending another letter?”

“No, just send the one you have waiting to your mother.”

“Sev.”

“It’s fine, Lil. I’m sure you’re right about them needed more time.” He leaned in and gave her a hasty peck before turning away.

Lily watched him shuffle away dejectedly. She knew it had hurt him that his mother and grandfather hadn’t promptly agreed to the meeting. She also realized how much she had been wrapped up in her own issues since they had returned to school and how little time she had given him.

It was with that in mind she went off in search of Severus a few nights later, having asked Remus to cover her patrol for the evening. She found him tucked in the back of the library, books spread all over the table. He was determinedly scribbling notes on a piece of parchment, his nose only inches from the surface. For a moment she was reminded of the countless hours they had spent preparing for their O.W.L.s. Often sitting at this very table. She watched as he threw down one quill and picked up another to dip into a different colour of ink.

“You know…” she began as she slid into the seat next to him. “I always wondered how you keep your quills straight when you do your colour coding system. Especially since you never seem to look at which one you’re picking up.”

He looked up at her happily. “Different type of quill for each colour of ink. They all feel different so I know which goes with which.”

“Such a smarty.” She leaned and impulsively kissed the tip of his nose. “Tell me again how it is you’re not in Ravenclaw?”

“Because smart people can be in Slytherin too.”

“Obviously. By the way you’ve got some ink on your cheek.” Lily said as she indicated a spot on her own left cheek.

“Crap.” Severus scrubbed his hand over his cheek, smearing the ink more.

Lily couldn’t help but laugh. “Sev, you’re making it worse.”

“Oh well, I’ll wash it off later. Are you taking a break from patrolling?”

“No, no patrol tonight so I thought I’d come see my very favourite person at Hogwarts.”

“But – I was sure you had patrol tonight.” He rummaged through his bag and pulled out a piece of parchment. Lily was hardly surprised to see her patrol schedule on it.

“Yes, but I traded so I could spend tonight with you, unless you’d rather I leave you to your studying.”

“No, not at all. So, what’s the plan?”

“I don’t have one. I thought I’d leave it up to you.”

“My plan was to study.” He waved a hand over the table, indicating the pile of books, parchment, quills and bottles of ink.

“I see that. I can’t say I’m much in the mood to study and I do think we should probably clean you up a little.” She wiped her thumb over the ink on his cheek.

“Right, loo and then we’ll think of something.” Severus hastily shoved his all his study items back into his bag before turning to Lily and squeezing her hand. “Thank you for this.” He whispered

“Thank you for being so wonderful since we’ve gotten back.”                                                         

He smiled before taking her by the hand and leading her out of the library. They hadn’t made it very far down the corridor before Lily stopped, a sudden slightly naughty idea coming to her, and tugged on Severus’ hand. He turned and looked at her questioningly.

“Come on.”

“Lil, the loo’s down this way.”

“Yeah, but I have another idea.”

“What?”

“Just come with me.” She smiled at him mischievously.

“Okay.”

She led him down several corridors until they came to the portrait outside the prefect’s bathroom. “Soap bubbles.” She said confidently.

“What are we doing?”

“Getting you clean, relaxing a little.” Lily stated, making her way to the tub and turning on a tap she knew would spurt out big multi-coloured bubbles.

Severus stood just inside the door looking confused. “Lily, surely you don’t mean for us to…”

“I do.”

“But we haven’t – I’ve not seen – you haven’t seen…I’m confused, I thought we were going slow.”

“Sev, we’re going to take bath, completely covered in bubbles, I’m not suggesting we have a shag. And I _have_ seen what you have. I guess it’s only fair for you see me.” She walked to the rack and took several towels off the shelf, throwing them down on the floor by the tub. “Unless you don’t want to see me.”

Severus laughed shakily, closed his eyes and took a deep breath in. Then he slowly opened his eyes and looked at her with such intensity it made Lily a little weak at the knees. “Yes, I want to see you.”

“And I trust you enough to know you won’t go any further than I want.”

“Of course not.” He swallowed hard. “Though maybe it’s best if you tell me how far that is tonight.”

She looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, remembering back to their shared night in the deserted classroom several weeks ago. It was probably best not to go so far tonight given they would both be naked. “Would you be okay with just snogging?”

“Whatever you want is fine with me.”

“Good.” She smiled at him and then looked back at the tub which was actually filled to a decent level now.

Then reaching down she grasped the hem of her jumper and pulled it off in one fluid motion before throwing it to the ground. Lily looked up a little hesitantly wondering what she would see. Would Severus just be standing there watching her remove her clothes? Would it be awkward?  To her surprise he was hunched over, removing his shoes and socks, not paying the slightest attention to what she was doing.

Feeling more confident, Lily continued to shuck her clothes until she was left in nothing but her bra and knickers. She once again looked up to find Severus standing self-consciously in front of her wearing only his pants. “I can leave them on.”

Lily couldn’t help but smile. “Do you usually when you bathe?”

“No, but…” he shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another. There was no way for Lily to miss how aroused he was. “If it makes you more comfortable I can…”

“Just take them off Sev, I’ve seen it before. I’ve held it before.”

Without another word he removed the y-fronts and added them to the pile at his feet, his eyes fixed firmly on the heap.

“Sev?”

“Just – finish and get in the tub. I’ll get in after.”

“No, I want – I want you to look. I’ve seen you, you should see me.” Lily stated firmly as she unclasped her bra and let it fall to the floor.

“Angel.”

“Sev, please look at me.” She waited until he looked up to slip off her knickers. At first his eyes stayed firmly on her face and then she saw them slip lower and the flush start to colour his skin. For a moment they just stood there, taking each other in. Then Lily heard a strange sound and she turned to look at the tub.

“Shite!” She rushed to turn off the tap, the now overflowing water lapping at her toes.

“Do you want extra towels?” Severus called, rushing to pick up their clothes and stuff them onto the towel rack to keep them dry.

“No, all the extra water will go down the side drains in a minute I think. I guess that’s what we get for not paying attention.” Lily laughed and slipped in to the tub.

“Yes, well my attention was focused elsewhere.”

“So was mine.”

“Glad I pass muster.” Severus commented as he clambered in to the tub.

“Stop it, you know I find you attractive.” Severus shrugged as Lily made her way over to him. “And you’ll be even better when we get rid of this.” She reached up and gently rubbed her thumb over the ink on his cheek. He never took his eyes from hers as she continued to work at the ink. When it was gone she leaned in and kissed him.

At first the kiss was more tentative than usual, but then they both gradually relaxed and Lily soon forgot there was nothing between them but water and bubbles.

As the water cooled he pulled away. “Lil.”

“Hmm?”

“If we’re going to actually wash we should do it before the water gets to cold.”

Lily sighed. “I forgot the soap and stuff.”

“Guess we should just get out then.”

“No, I’ll go get it.” Lily hoisted herself out of the tub and walked to a cupboard where extra supplies were kept. She quickly grabbed soap and shampoo and headed back to the tub noting Severus was keeping his eyes fixed firmly on the mermaid painting in front of him.

Lily almost said something but she could see through the disappearing bubbles just how excited he was and assumed not looking at her naked made things easier for him. She silently slid in to the tub and handed him the bar of soap. Meanwhile she took the shampoo and began to work it through her hair.

“Here.” She held the bottle of shampoo out to him.

Severus just shook his head. “I don’t need it I can just use the soap.”

“Sev, that’s so bad for your hair.”

“I did it for years, most of my life in fact.”

She gave a little huff of frustration. Severus in turn gave her a small smile and took the small bottle from her before passing her the soap. They finished cleaning in silence. Then Lily turned to him, her eyes flitting downward for a moment. “Do you want me to help you…?”

“We said only snogging.”

“But you’re…”

“It’s fine, it’ll go away.”

“Will it?”

“Eventually.”

“Wouldn’t it just be easier if I helped you?”

“Angel, I really don’t want you to feel like you have to. Like I expect it of you every time we do something vaguely sexual.”

“I don’t think you do. I want…”

He leaned over and kissed her. “Not tonight. Tonight let’s just leave it at what it is.”

“But how will you – what about – can you even walk like that?”                                     

Severus laughed. “Yes. Just – if you could fetch me my clothes that would be helpful.”

Lily once again got out of the tub, wrapped a towel around her and got Severus’ clothes for him. She placed them by the side of the tub, turned and took two steps away, and then, not turning back around to face him, she said, “Sev.”

“Yeah?”

“You should at least take care of it yourself.” She heard him take a sharp intake of breath. “I’ll just go over here and get dressed. Let me know when you’re ready to leave.”

Lily didn’t dare turn around as she dressed extremely slowly. She wasn’t entirely sure if he had done what she had suggested or not until she finally heard the sound of him getting out of the tub several minutes later. Then there was the rustle of clothes being put in place. Still she didn’t move until Severus’ arms wrapped around her and he pressed his lips up against her ear. “Thank you for spending tonight with me.”

She turned in his arms. “It was my pleasure. We should go because it’s probably curfew soon.”

Severus pulled out his watch. “Yeah in 30 minutes.”

“You’ll never make it.”

“I might if I run.”

“I’m going with you.”

“Lily.”

“Head Girl. I won’t get in that much trouble if I’m out after curfew.”

“Okay, let’s go.” He grasped her hand and pushed open the door and promptly ran into someone.

“Severus.”

“Remus.”

“We were just…”

Remus laughed lightly. “I can guess what you were doing.”

Severus blushed a little as Lily ducked under his arm and joined the two men in the corridor.      

Remus gave them a wry smile “Don’t worry, I won’t tell on you. After all, you’re probably not doing anything Brina and I haven’t done. It is almost curfew though and James is out in his official capacity so I wouldn’t let him catch you. It’s a little obvious what you two have been up to.”

He gave them a wink, stuffed his hands in his pockets and wandered leisurely off down the hallway. When he reached the end he called back. “Oh, if you could manage to not be in there Thursday night I would appreciate it.”

“Well, I guess we’ve found how Remus recovers from a full moon these days.”

“The full moon is Tuesday, Sev.”

“And I imagine that’s why he asked for Thursday. Come on, let’s go before I get caught out and my Thursday is spent in detention.”

“I won’t let that happen to you.” Lily promised.

“How are you going to stop it?” Severus asked wryly.

Lily shrugged. “I don’t know but you being out late is my fault so I’ll come up with something.”

The two crept down stairs and along corridors, narrowly avoiding James Potter at one point. Despite the fact that they turn up outside the entrance to the Slytherin common room with only five minutes to spare they shared a lingering kiss goodnight.

Finally Severus broke away. “You should go. I’m not sure being Head Girl gives you authorization to be out hours after curfew.”

Lily nodded. “Alright. Goodnight and sleep well.”

“You too.” He gave her one last kiss and then walked to the entrance into his common room.

“Sev.” Lily called after him.

He paused and looked over at her. “Yeah.”

“I really miss falling asleep with you some nights – like tonight, tonight I wish I could sleep in your arms.”

Severus turned, walked back to her and pulled her close. “I do too. There’s just a little over nine more months then we can fall asleep together whenever we want. We just have to get through this year.”

Lily sighed and nodded against his chest. “Just get through the year. We can do that.”

“Of course we can.” Severus whispered. “We’ve still got each other.”

Lily nodded again. “And we can do anything together.”


End file.
